TEDWomen 2010
Elizabeth Lesser: Take "the Other" to lunch
Elizabeth Lesser: Povedite "suprotnu stranu" na ručak
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U zraku se osjeća napetost ljute podjele koja prijeti onemogućiti suvremenu politiku. Elizabeth Lesser istražuje dvije strane ljudske prirode koje stvaraju tu napetost (nazovimo ih "mistik" i "ratnik") te dijeli jednostavan i osoban način započinjanja stvarnog dijaloga -- odlaskom na ručak s nekim tko se ne slaže s vama i postavljanjem tri pitanja kako bi se ustanovilo što je stvarno u njihovim srcima.
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
This room may appear
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Čini se da u ovoj dvorani
00:17
to be holding 600 people,
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sjedi 600 ljudi,
00:19
but there's actually so many more,
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no stvarno nas je znatno više
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because in each one of us
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jer se u svakome od nas
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there is a multitude of personalities.
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krije mnoštvo osobnosti.
00:26
I have two primary personalities
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Ja imam dvije primarne osobnosti
00:29
that have been in conflict and conversation within me
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koje su u sukobu i razgovoru unutar mene
00:31
since I was a little girl.
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još od ranog djetinjstva.
00:33
I call them "the mystic"
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Nazivam ih "mistik"
00:35
and "the warrior."
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i "ratnik".
00:37
I was born into a family
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Rođena sam u obitelji
00:39
of politically active,
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politički aktivnih
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intellectual atheists.
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intelektualaca ateista.
00:43
There was this equation in my family that went something like this:
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U mojoj je obitelji postojala otprilike ovakva jednadžba:
00:46
if you are intelligent,
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ako si inteligentan,
00:48
you therefore are not spiritual.
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nisi duhovan.
00:51
I was the freak of the family.
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Ja sam bila čudovište u obitelji.
00:53
I was this weird little kid
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Bila sam uvrnuta klinka
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who wanted to have deep talks
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koja je željela voditi dubokoumne razgovore
00:57
about the worlds that might exist
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o svjetovima koji možda postoje
01:00
beyond the ones that we perceive with our senses.
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dalje od onih koje opažamo osjetilima.
01:03
I wanted to know
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Željela sam znati
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if what we human beings see
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je li ono što mi ljudi vidimo
01:07
and hear and think
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i čujemo i mislimo
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is a full and accurate picture
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cjelovita i točna slika
01:12
of reality.
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stvarnosti.
01:14
So, looking for answers,
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Tragajući za odgovorima
01:16
I went to Catholic mass.
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otišla sam na misu u katoličku crkvu;
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I tagged along with my neighbors.
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'šlepala' sam se sa susjedima.
01:20
I read Sartre and Socrates.
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Čitala sam Sartrea i Sokrata.
01:22
And then a wonderful thing happened
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I onda se dogodila sjajna stvar
01:24
when I was in high school:
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tijekom moje srednje škole:
01:26
Gurus from the East
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gurui s Istoka
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started washing up on the shores of America.
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počeli su oplahnjivati obale Amerike.
01:31
And I said to myself,
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I rekoh samoj sebi,
01:33
"I wanna get me one of them."
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"Želim jednog od gurua."
01:35
And ever since,
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I otada
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I've been walking the mystic path,
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koračam mističnim stazama,
01:40
trying to peer beyond
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nastojeći proniknuti iza
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what Albert Einstein called
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onoga što je Albert Einstein nazivao
01:44
"the optical delusion
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"optičkom iluzijom
01:46
of everyday consciousness."
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svakidašnje svijesti".
01:49
So what did he mean by this? I'll show you.
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Što je mislio pod time? Pokazat ću vam.
01:52
Take a breath right now
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Duboko udahnite
01:54
of this clear air in this room.
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čist zrak u ovoj dvorani.
01:58
Now, see this strange,
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Evo, vidite ovu čudnu,
02:01
underwater,
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podvodnu stvar koja
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coral reef-looking thing?
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sliči koraljnom grebenu?
02:06
It's actually a person's trachea,
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To je zapravo ljudski dušnik.
02:09
and those colored globs
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A ove kugle u bojama
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are microbes
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su mikrobi
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that are actually swimming around in this room
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koji zapravo plutaju u ovoj prostoriji
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right now, all around us.
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upravo sada, svuda oko nas.
02:18
If we're blind to this simple biology,
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Ako ne vidimo tu jednostavnu biologiju,
02:21
imagine what we're missing
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zamislite što upravo sad propuštamo
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at the smallest subatomic level right now
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na najsitnijoj, subatomskoj razini
02:27
and at the grandest cosmic levels.
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i na najvećim kozmičkim razinama.
02:30
My years as a mystic
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Godine koje sam provela kao mistik
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have made me question
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natjerale su me da preispitam
02:35
almost all my assumptions.
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gotovo sve svoje pretpostavke.
02:37
They've made me a proud I-don't-know-it-all.
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Učinili su me ponosnom neznalicom svega.
02:41
Now when the mystic part of me
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No kad mistični dio mene
02:43
jabbers on and on like this,
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ovako brblja i brblja,
02:45
the warrior rolls her eyes.
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ratnica okreće očima.
02:48
She's concerned
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Ona se pita
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about what's happening in this world right now.
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što se ovoga trena događa u ovom svijetu.
02:55
She's worried.
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Zabrinuta je.
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She says, "Excuse me, I'm pissed off,
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Kaže, "Oprostite, ogorčena sam,
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and I know a few things,
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znam neke stvari
03:02
and we better get busy about them right now."
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i bolje da se odmah njima pozabavimo."
03:04
I've spent my life as a warrior,
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Provela sam život kao ratnica,
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working for women's issues,
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zalagala se za ženska pitanja,
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working on political campaigns,
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radila na političkim kampanjama,
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being an activist for the environment.
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bila ekološka aktivistica.
03:14
And it can be sort of crazy-making,
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Pomalo je sumanuto
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housing both the mystic and the warrior
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nositi i mistika i ratnika
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in one body.
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u jednom tijelu.
03:21
I've always been attracted
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Oduvijek su me privlačili
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to those rare people
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ti rijetki ljudi
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who pull that off,
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koji to skinu sa sebe,
03:28
who devote their lives to humanity
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koji posvećuju svoje živote čovječanstvu
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with the grit of the warrior
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s čvrstinom ratnika
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and the grace of the mystic --
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i prijaznošću mistika --
03:35
people like Martin Luther King, Jr.,
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ljudi poput Martina Luthera Kinga Jr.
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who wrote, "I can never be
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koji je napisao, "Nikad ne mogu
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what I ought to be
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biti ono što bih trebao
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until you are
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sve dok vi niste
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what you ought to be.
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ono što biste trebali biti.
03:46
This," he wrote, "is the interrelated structure
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To", napisao je, "je međusobno povezana
03:49
of reality."
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struktura stvarnosti."
03:51
Then Mother Teresa, another mystic warrior,
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Potom Majka Tereza, druga mistična ratnica,
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who said, "The problem with the world
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koja je izjavila, "Problem svijeta je taj
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is that we draw the circle of our family
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što crtamo krug naše obitelji
04:00
too small."
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premalen."
04:02
And Nelson Mandela,
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I Nelson Mandela,
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who lives by the African concept
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koji živi prema afričkom konceptu
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of "ubuntu,"
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ubuntu,
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which means "I need you
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što znači da ja trebam tebe
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in order to be me,
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da bih bila ja,
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and you need me in order to be you."
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a da ti trebaš mene da bi bio ti.
04:15
Now we all love to trot out
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I svi mi volimo predstavljati
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these three mystic warriors
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tih troje mističnih ratnika
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as if they were born
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kao da su rođeni
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with the saint gene.
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sa svetačkim genom.
04:23
But we all actually have
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No svi mi zapravo imamo
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the same capacity that they do,
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istu sposobnost koju oni imaju
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and we need to do
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i trebamo činiti
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their work now.
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njihovo djelo.
04:32
I'm deeply disturbed
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Duboko sam potresena
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by the ways in which all of our cultures
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načinima na koje sve naše kulture
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are demonizing "the Other"
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demoniziraju suprotnu stranu
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by the voice we're giving
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glasom koji dajemo onome
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to the most divisive among us.
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koji uzrokuje najviše podjele među nama.
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Listen to these titles
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Čujte naslove
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of some of the bestselling books
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nekih od najprodavanijih knjiga
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from both sides of the political divide
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s obje strane političke podjele
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here in the U.S.
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ovdje u SAD-u.
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"Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder,"
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"Liberalizam je mentalni poremećaj",
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"Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot,"
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"Rush Limbaugh je veliki debeli idiot",
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"Pinheads and Patriots,"
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"Glupani i domoljubi",
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"Arguing With Idiots."
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"Raspravljanje s idiotima".
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They're supposedly tongue-in-cheek,
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Navodno su mišljeni ironično,
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but they're actually dangerous.
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no zapravo su opasni.
05:09
Now here's a title that may sound familiar,
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A tu je i naslov koji može zvučati poznato,
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but whose author may surprise you:
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ali čiji će vas autor iznenaditi:
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"Four-and-a-Half-Years of Struggle
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"Četiri i pol godine borbe
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Against Lies, Stupidity
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protiv laži, gluposti
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and Cowardice."
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i kukavičluka".
05:20
Who wrote that?
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Tko je to napisao?
05:22
That was Adolf Hitler's first title
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Bio je to prvi naslov Adolfa Hitlera
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for "Mein Kampf" -- "My Struggle" --
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za "Mein Kampf" -- "Moju borbu" --
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the book that launched the Nazi party.
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knjigu koja je lansirala nacističku stranku.
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The worst eras in human history,
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Najgora razdoblja u povijesti čovječanstva,
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whether in Cambodia or Germany
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bilo to u Kambodži ili Njemačkoj
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or Rwanda,
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ili Ruandi,
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they start like this, with negative other-izing.
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započinjala su ovako, s negativnim odnosom prema drugima.
05:39
And then they morph
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A onda poprime oblik
05:41
into violent extremism.
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nasilnog ekstremizma.
05:44
This is why I'm launching a new initiative.
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Upravo zato pokrećem novu inicijativu.
05:47
And it's to help all of us,
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Da svima nama pomogne,
05:50
myself included,
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uključujući i mene,
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to counteract the tendency
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da se suprotstavimo tendenciji
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to "otherize."
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isticanja negativnih razlika.
05:56
And I realize we're all busy people,
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Shvaćam da smo svi prezaposleni,
05:59
so don't worry, you can do this on a lunch break.
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no ne brinite, možete to činiti tijekom pauze za ručak.
06:02
I'm calling my initiative,
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Svoju inicijativu nazivam,
06:04
"Take the Other to Lunch."
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"Povedi Suprotnu stranu na ručak".
06:07
If you are
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Ako ste
06:09
a Republican,
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republikanac,
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you can take a Democrat to lunch,
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povedite na ručak demokrata.
06:14
or if you're a Democrat,
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Ako ste demokrat,
06:17
think of it
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razmislite da
06:19
as taking a Republican to lunch.
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na ručak povedete republikanca.
06:21
Now if the idea of taking any of these people to lunch
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Ako od same pomisli na ručak s tim osobama
06:24
makes you lose your appetite,
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gubite apetit,
06:27
I suggest you start more local,
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predlažem da počnete još lokalnije
06:30
because there is no shortage of the Other
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jer nije nestašica suprotnih strana
06:33
right in your own neighborhood.
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ni u vašem vlastitom susjedstvu.
06:36
Maybe that person
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Možda onu osobu
06:38
who worships at the mosque,
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koja štuje u džamiji, ili u
06:40
or the church or the synagogue, down the street.
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crkvi ili sinagogi, niže u ulici,
06:43
Or someone from the other side
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ili nekoga s druge strane
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of the abortion conflict.
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sukoba o pobačaju,
06:48
Or maybe your brother-in-law
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ili možda vašeg šogora koji
06:50
who doesn't believe in global warming.
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ne vjeruje u globalno zatopljenje --
06:53
Anyone whose lifestyle may frighten you,
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bilo koga čiji vas način života plaši
06:58
or whose point of view
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ili od čijeg vam gledišta
07:00
makes smoke come out of your ears.
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izlazi para na uši.
07:04
A couple of weeks ago,
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Prije nekoliko tjedana
07:06
I took a Conservative Tea Party woman to lunch.
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povela sam na ručak jednu konzervativku.
07:11
Now on paper, she passed my smoking ears test.
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Na papiru prošla je moj test pare na uši.
07:15
She's an activist from the Right,
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Ona je aktivistica desnice,
07:17
and I'm an activist from the Left.
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a ja sam aktivistica ljevice.
07:21
And we used some guidelines
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I usvojile smo nekoliko smjernica
07:23
to keep our conversation elevated,
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da bismo održale konverzaciju na uljudnoj razini,
07:25
and you can use them too,
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a i vi ih možete usvojiti,
07:27
because I know you're all going
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jer znam da ćete svi povesti
07:29
to take an Other to lunch.
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suprotstavljenu stranu na ručak.
07:31
So first of all, decide on a goal:
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Stoga najprije utvrdite cilj:
07:34
to get to know one person
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upoznati jednu osobu iz
07:36
from a group you may have negatively stereotyped.
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skupine o kojoj imate negativno stereotipno mišljenje.
07:41
And then, before you get together,
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A potom, prije nego što se sastanete,
07:43
agree on some ground rules.
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dogovorite neka temeljna pravila.
07:45
My Tea Party lunchmate and I
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Moja konzervativka i ja
07:48
came up with these:
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dogovorile smo ovo:
07:50
don't persuade, defend
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Ne uvjeravaj, ne brani
07:52
or interrupt.
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niti prekidaj.
07:54
Be curious;
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Budi znatiželjna,
07:56
be conversational; be real.
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raspoložena za razgovor, realna.
07:58
And listen.
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I slušaj.
08:00
From there, we dove in.
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I otuda smo zaronile.
08:02
And we used these questions:
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I koristile smo ova pitanja
08:04
Share some of your life experiences with me.
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Podijeli neka životna iskustva sa mnom.
08:07
What issues
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Koja te pitanja
08:09
deeply concern you?
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duboko zaokupljaju?
08:11
And what have you always wanted to ask
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Što si oduvijek htjela pitati nekoga sa
08:13
someone from the other side?
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suprotne strane?
08:16
My lunch partner and I
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Moja partnerica za ručak i ja
08:18
came away with some really important insights,
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došle smo do zaista važnih uvida, a ja
08:20
and I'm going to share just one with you.
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ću s vama podijeliti samo jedno.
08:23
I think it has relevance
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Mislim da je relevantan
08:25
to any problem
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za bilo koji problem
08:27
between people anywhere.
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između ljudi bilo gdje.
08:29
I asked her why her side
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Pitala sam je zašto njezina strana
08:32
makes such outrageous allegations
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iznosi takve opake tvrdnje i
08:34
and lies about my side.
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laži o mojoj strani.
08:37
"What?" she wanted to know.
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"Što?", pitala je.
08:39
"Like we're a bunch
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"Npr. mi smo banda
08:41
of elitist,
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elitističkih,
08:43
morally-corrupt terrorist-lovers."
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moralno pokvarenih ljubitelja terorizma."
08:45
Well, she was shocked.
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Bila je šokirana.
08:47
She thought my side
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Držala je da moja strana
08:49
beat up on her side way more often,
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češće napada njezinu stranu,
08:52
that we called them brainless,
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da ih nazivamo glupim
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gun-toting racists,
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rasistima koji potežu oružje.
08:57
and we both marveled
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Obje smo se čudile
08:59
at the labels that fit
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etiketama koje ne pristaju
09:01
none of the people
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nikome od ljudi koje
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we actually know.
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stvarno poznajemo.
09:05
And since we had established some trust,
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I nakon što smo uspostavile povjerenje,
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we believed in each other's sincerity.
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vjerovale smo u iskrenost druge strane.
09:11
We agreed we'd speak up in our own communities
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Dogovorile smo da ćemo u našim zajednicama dići
09:14
when we witnessed
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glas kad budemo svjedoci
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the kind of "otherizing" talk
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negativnog govora protiv druge strane
09:18
that can wound
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koji može povrijediti
09:20
and fester into paranoia
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i uzrokovati paranoju
09:22
and then be used by those on the fringes
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i biti korišten od onih na rubu
09:25
to incite.
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huškanja.
09:27
By the end of our lunch,
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Do kraja našeg ručka
09:29
we acknowledged each other's openness.
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priznale smo jedna drugoj otvorenost.
09:31
Neither of us had tried to change the other.
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Nijedna od nas nije pokušala promijeniti drugu.
09:34
But we also hadn't pretended
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Ali nismo se niti zavaravale da će se
09:37
that our differences were just going to melt away
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naše razlike jednostavno rastopiti
09:40
after a lunch.
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nakon jednog ručka.
09:45
Instead, we had taken
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Umjesto toga, poduzele smo
09:47
first steps together,
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prve zajedničke korake,
09:49
past our knee-jerk reactions,
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mimo naših spontanih reakcija,
09:51
to the ubuntu place,
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u smjeru ubuntua,
09:53
which is the only place
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što je jedino mjesto
09:55
where solutions
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gdje će se pronaći
09:57
to our most intractable-seeming problems
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rješenja naših naoko tvrdokornih
10:01
will be found.
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problema.
10:03
Who should you invite to lunch?
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Koga biste trebali pozvati na ručak?
10:06
Next time you catch yourself
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Sljedeći put kad se uhvatite u
10:08
in the act of otherizing,
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činu negativnog govora o drugima,
10:10
that will be your clue.
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to će vam biti putokaz.
10:12
And what might happen at your lunch?
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I što bi se moglo dogoditi na ručku?
10:15
Will the heavens open
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Hoće li se nebesa otvoriti i
10:17
and "We Are the World" play over the restaurant sound system?
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zasvirati "Mi smo svijet" na restoranskom razglasu?
10:20
Probably not.
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Vjerojatno ne.
10:22
Because ubuntu work is slow,
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Jer ubuntu rad je polagan,
10:24
and it's difficult.
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težak.
10:26
It's two people
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Tu su dva čovjeka
10:28
dropping the pretense
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koji napuštaju privid
10:30
of being know-it-alls.
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da su sveznajući.
10:32
It's two people,
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Tu su dva čovjeka,
10:34
two warriors,
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dva ratnika,
10:36
dropping their weapons
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koji spuštaju oružje i
10:38
and reaching toward each other.
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posežu jedan za drugim.
10:41
Here's how the great Persian poet Rumi put it:
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Kako je to lijepo rekao veliki perzijski pjesnik Rumi:
10:45
"Out beyond ideas
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"Ponad naših ideja
10:48
of wrong-doing and right-doing,
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o činjenju zla i dobra,
10:51
there is a field.
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nalazi se polje.
10:53
I'll meet you there."
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Tamo te čekam."
10:55
(Applause)
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(pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialistElizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.
Why you should listen
Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.
Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.
A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.
Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com