Jean-Paul Mari: The chilling aftershock of a brush with death
ז'אן פול מארי: ההלם המאוחר המצמרר של מפגש עם המוות
Jean-Paul Mari has reported on conflicts in more than three dozen countries. Full bio
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המלחמה בעירק.
covering the war in Iraq.
started arriving in Baghdad.
נכנסו עם הטנקים שלהם לבגדד,
in the Palestine Hotel,
הלחימה כבר התקדמה לעברנו
outside our windows.
in black smoke and oil.
אבל ידענו מה קורה,
but we knew what was happening.
to be writing an article,
שאתה צריך לכתוב מאמר.
and something big happens.
every now and then
with half-ton missiles,
מאוד קרוב!
screaming in the hallways.
been hit by a missile.
כל שיכולתי לעזור.
I wanted to help out.
אבל לא ראיתי כלום, כלום.
from sternum to pubis,
nothing at all.
shiny spot that blinded me,
שהייתה מאוד קשה.
and I could see his wound,
underneath him,
15 קומות,
that stopped at each of the 15 floors.
שהסיעה אותו לבית חולים;
that took him to the hospital.
והצלם הספרדי חוזה קוזו,
who was on the 14th floor and also hit --
between the two floors --
I was supposed to write --
with my arms covered in blood,
I hadn't paid for 10 days.
באיחור של 10 ימים
"Clear your head, put it all aside.
you need to put it all aside."
my article and sent it off.
of having lost my colleagues,
I can't just not know what happened."
and it didn't only happen to me.
happen to others
that had an effect on me too.
I knew in Lebanon,
who had been fighting for five years --
follow everywhere.
with confidence --
חייל אמיתי! אז הלכו בעקבותיו
knowing that we would be safe with him.
made him duck quickly under the table,
וכאילו מעולם לא יכול היה
been able to get up and fight.
מצאתי אותו במקום אחר,
משום שהוא לא יכל יותר לישון,
where I later found him,
so it was quite a suitable job.
מה קורה?
any visible scars?
במוזיאונים, ספריות, וכו'.
that some people knew about this --
שמה שהיה בפנינו
was called trauma.
פוסט טראומטית, טראומה, נוירוזה טראומטית,
or traumatic neurosis.
אשר מעולם לא דיברנו עליו.
אני לא מדבר על גופות,
an experience with death --
על מיטת בית חולים, לא!
lying in a hospital bed,
the void of death.
no one is supposed to see.
לא בשמש ולא במוות
can be looked at with a steady eye."
have to face the void of death.
בלתי נראה לזמן מה,
that has entered your brain --
and your mind --
all the space inside.
men, women,
horrible anxiety attacks --
the same nightmare every night.
מהי התמונה? ובכן, התמונה,
who enters a building
מול לוחם אחר שמחפש אותו,
with another soldier aiming at him.
straight down the barrel.
becomes enormous, deformed.
ראיתי את עצמי מת, אני מת."
he is convinced that he is dead.
ואחר הולך.
the guy left or didn't shoot, whatever,
הוא מת באותו רגע.
of a mass grave --
לעשות עבורו שום דבר.
and there's nothing you can do.
כל לילה במשך שבועות,
for weeks, months --
anxious and terrified,
of horror in your brain,
which is hiding something --
אף אחד. הוא אינו מכיר את עצמו.
נהיה חולה. הכרתי כאלה שהניחו
you lock yourself in, you become ill.
outside their house with coins inside,
like you want to die or kill
but you hate everyone.
You seem fine, you have no injuries.
"אבל אין לך כלום! אתה בסדר,
חזרת, אין לך כלום."
ואחדים מתאבדים:
את סדר היום שלו עד כה,
your daily planner --
I might as well commit suicide.
others end up under the bridge, drinking.
הסיפור של הסבא הזה, של הדוד הזה,
that grandfather or uncle or neighbor
into alcoholism or dying.
to express the void of death.
על האינות של המוות.
from an assignment,
white tablecloth, candles, guests.
were giving me dirty looks,
I ruined the whole evening.
לא מוכנים לשמוע את זה,
אה, מתו, סילחו על המעידה
who died in Iraq --
who went to Iraq
אמריקנים בעיראק, סובלים מPTSD.
חולים פסיכיאטריים אנגלים
from the First World War
in British psychiatric hospitals.
identified 102,000 --
ספרו 102,000 - פי שניים.
from committing suicide.
than by combat in Vietnam.
but also ancient wars --
מספרים עליהם, זה נאמר,
the evidence is there.
if you don't talk about it,
is that this is treatable --
כן, היא ניתנת לטיפול!
שמדהים אתכם, שמקפיא , שהורג אותכם,
that overwhelms, petrifies and kills you
that holds all of us together."
that obsesses us --
לאנושות: לא רוצים יותר לראותם
feel excluded from humanity.
and they don't want to see anyone.
I don't use the subway anymore
will see the horror in my eyes."
את כל הזוועה שיש לי בתוכי
a terrible skin disease
בילה 6 חודשים במחלקה דרמטולוגית
going from doctor to doctor.
ולבסוף יום אחד אמרו:
to a psychiatrist.
he told the psychiatrist
from head to toe.
"Why are you in this state?"
I'm dead, so I must be rotting away."
that has a profound effect on people.
השפעה קשה מאוד על אנשים.
צריך לתאר את הזוועה במילים,
we need to talk about it.
and talk about it again.
אם מדברים על הדברים האלה,
if we can talk about these things,
by working it out verbally,
הקלות הבלתי נסבלת שלנו להיות,
our "unbearable lightness of being,"
that keeps us here --
שמחזיקה אותנו כאן
like we're immortal, which we're not,
we'd say, "What's the point of it all?"
מה הטעם בכל זה?
that feeling of immortality.
אבל הם מצאו משהו אחר!
יכולים להסתכל למוות בפנים,
to look death in the face,
rather than keep quiet and hide,
Carole from Iraq, Philippe from the Congo
כל האנשים האלה שהיכרתי,
after a trauma.
who did not survive the trauma.
בני תמותה ואנושיים,
and mortal, mortal and human,
and identify it once again
הארצות הלא נודעות,
of all mysterious places,
הרבה יותר חזקים.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jean-Paul Mari - Journalist and psychologistJean-Paul Mari has reported on conflicts in more than three dozen countries.
Why you should listen
Journalist and international correspondent, psychologist and physiotherapist, Jean-Paul Mari published several hundred reports abroad and several works.
He produced a documentary, Irak: quand les soldats meurent (Iraq, wen the soldiers die), as well as a movie, Sans blessures apparentes (Without Visible Wounds), based on his book of the same name, for which he won the 2010 Grand Prix et le Prix du Public. In 2009, he was the recipient of the Grand prix des lectrices de Elle
He is the creator and the manager of grands-reporters.com and has just published a novel, La Tentation d'Antoine (The Temptation of Antoine).
Jean-Paul Mari | Speaker | TED.com