TEDNYC
Amy Green: A video game to cope with grief
Amy Green: Video igra za nošenje s tugom
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Kada je sinu Amy Green dijagnosticiran rijedak tumor na mozgu, ona je izmislila priču za laku noć za njegovu braću i sestre kako bi ih naučila što je rak. Ono je što je proizašlo iz toga bila je video igra "Taj zmaj, rak," koja svoje igrače vodi u bitku u kojoj ne mogu pobijediti. U ovom predivnom govoru o nošenju s gubitkom, Green spaja radost i igru s tragedijom. "Napravili smo igru koju je teško igrati," kaže, "jer najteži trenuci u našim životima mijenjaju nas više nego bilo koji cilj koji bi mogli ostvariti."
Amy Green - Video game designer
Amy Green creates narrative video games that focus on innovative stories. Full bio
Amy Green creates narrative video games that focus on innovative stories. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Two months ago, my kids and I
huddled around a cell phone
huddled around a cell phone
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Prije 2 mjeseca, moja djeca i ja
skupili smo se oko mobitela
skupili smo se oko mobitela
00:17
watching the live stream
of the Game Awards,
of the Game Awards,
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da bi gledali
live prijenos Game Awards-a,
live prijenos Game Awards-a,
00:19
one of the video game
industry's biggest nights.
industry's biggest nights.
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jedne od najvećih noći
za industriju video igrica.
za industriju video igrica.
00:22
They announced the nominees
for the Game for Impact,
for the Game for Impact,
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Objavili su sudionike
nominirane za "Utjecajnu Igru,"
nominirane za "Utjecajnu Igru,"
00:26
an award that's given
to a thought-provoking video game
to a thought-provoking video game
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nagradu koja se dodjeljuje
provokativnoj video igri
provokativnoj video igri
00:29
with a profound prosocial
message or meaning.
message or meaning.
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s dubokom prosocijalnom
porukom ili značenjem.
porukom ili značenjem.
00:32
They opened the envelope
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Otvorili su omotnicu
00:34
and they read the title of our video game.
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i pročitali naslov naše video igre.
00:37
An award ...
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Nagrada...
00:39
for impact.
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za utjecaj.
00:41
It was almost funny, actually,
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Zapravo, bilo je skoro smiješno
00:42
because I always thought
that winning an award like that
that winning an award like that
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jer sam uvijek mislila
da će osvajanje takve nagrade
da će osvajanje takve nagrade
00:45
would have this huge impact on my life,
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imati nekakav veliki utjecaj
na moj život,
na moj život,
00:48
but I found that the opposite is true.
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ali istina je zapravo
potpuno suprotna.
potpuno suprotna.
00:51
The big nights,
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Velike noći,
00:53
the accomplishments --
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postignuća --
00:55
they fade.
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blijede.
00:57
But the hardest nights of my life
have stuck with me,
have stuck with me,
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Ali najteže noći u mom životu
su zapele samnom,
su zapele samnom,
01:00
impacting who I am
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utjecajući na ono tko sam ja
01:02
and what I do.
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i što radim.
01:05
In 2010, my third son, Joel, was diagnosed
with a rare and aggressive brain tumor.
with a rare and aggressive brain tumor.
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U 2010., mom trećem sinu, Joelu,
dijagnosticiran je rijedak i agresivan tumor na mozgu.
dijagnosticiran je rijedak i agresivan tumor na mozgu.
01:12
And before that year was finished,
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I prije kraja te godine,
01:14
doctors sat my husband and I down
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liječnici su sjeli samnom i mužem
01:17
and let us know
that his tumor had returned
that his tumor had returned
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kako bi nam rekli
da se tumor vratio
da se tumor vratio
01:20
despite the most aggressive chemotherapy
and radiation that they could offer him.
and radiation that they could offer him.
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usprkos najagresivnijoj kemoterapiji
i radijaciji koje su nam mogli ponuditi.
i radijaciji koje su nam mogli ponuditi.
01:26
On that terrible night,
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Te užasne noći,
01:28
after learning that Joel
had perhaps four months to live,
had perhaps four months to live,
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nakon saznanja da Joelu
možda preostaje 4 mjeseca života,
možda preostaje 4 mjeseca života,
01:32
I cuddled up with
my two older sons in bed --
my two older sons in bed --
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zagrlila sam svoja dva
starija sina u krevetu --
starija sina u krevetu --
01:35
they were five and three at the time --
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tada su imali pet i tri godine --
01:37
and I never really knew
how much they understood,
how much they understood,
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i nikad zapravo nisam znala
koliko oni razumiju,
koliko oni razumiju,
01:40
so I started telling them a bedtime story.
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pa sam im počela pričati priču za laku noć.
01:44
I told them about this
very brave knight named Joel
very brave knight named Joel
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Pričala sam im o tom
jako hrabrom vitezu Joelu
jako hrabrom vitezu Joelu
01:48
and his adventure fighting
a terrible dragon called cancer.
a terrible dragon called cancer.
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i njegovoj avanturi u borbi protiv
strašnog zmaja koji se zvao tumor.
strašnog zmaja koji se zvao tumor.
01:53
Every night, I told them
more of the story,
more of the story,
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Svake noći, ispričala
sam im novi dio priče
sam im novi dio priče
01:56
but I never let the story end.
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ali nisam dozvoljavala priči da završi.
01:58
I was just building up a context
that they could understand
that they could understand
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Samo sam gradila kontekst
koji bi oni mogli razumjeti
koji bi oni mogli razumjeti
02:02
and hoping that our prayers
would be answered
would be answered
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nadajući se da će
naše molitve biti uslišane
naše molitve biti uslišane
02:04
and I would never
have to tell them that that knight,
have to tell them that that knight,
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i da im nikad neću morati
reći da je vitez,
reći da je vitez,
02:06
who had fought so bravely,
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koji se tako hrabro borio,
02:09
was done fighting
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bio gotov s borbom
02:10
and could rest now, forever.
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i sada se zauvijek odmara.
02:14
Fortunately, I never did have to
finish that bedtime story.
finish that bedtime story.
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Na sreću, nikada nisam
morala završiti priču za laku noć.
morala završiti priču za laku noć.
02:18
My children outgrew it.
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Moja djeca su je prerasla.
02:21
Joel responded better than anyone expected
to palliative treatment,
to palliative treatment,
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Joel je reagirao bolje nego što
je itko očekivao na palijativni tretman,
je itko očekivao na palijativni tretman,
02:25
and so instead of months,
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pa smo umjesto nekoliko mjeseci,
02:26
we spent years learning how to love
our dying child with all of our hearts.
our dying child with all of our hearts.
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proveli godine učeći kako
voljeti naše umiruće dijete svim srcem.
voljeti naše umiruće dijete svim srcem.
02:34
Learning to recognize
that shameful feeling
that shameful feeling
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Učeći kako si priznati
taj sramotni osjećaj
taj sramotni osjećaj
02:36
of holding back just a little love
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držnja u rezervi
samo malo ljubavi
samo malo ljubavi
02:39
to try to spare ourselves
just a little pain
just a little pain
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kako bi poštedili sebe
samo malo boli
samo malo boli
02:42
somewhere further down the road.
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negdje dalje na tom putu.
02:45
We pushed past that self-preservation
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Prešli smo preko tog samoodržanja
02:48
because Joel was worth loving
even if that love could crush us.
even if that love could crush us.
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jer je Joel zaslužio biti voljen
iako bi nas ta ljubav mogla dokrajčiti.
iako bi nas ta ljubav mogla dokrajčiti.
02:54
And that lesson of intense
vulnerability has changed me ...
vulnerability has changed me ...
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I ta lekcija o ranjivosti
promijenila me...
promijenila me...
02:59
more than any award ever could.
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više nego što bi ijedna nagrada mogla.
03:02
We started living like Joel could live,
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Počeli smo živjeti kako bi
Joel mogao živjeti,
Joel mogao živjeti,
03:05
and we began developing a video game
called "That Dragon, Cancer."
called "That Dragon, Cancer."
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i počeli smo razvijati video igricu
nazvanu "Taj Zmaj, Tumor."
nazvanu "Taj Zmaj, Tumor."
03:11
It was the story of Joel.
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Bila je to priča o Joelu.
03:14
It was the story of hope
in the shadow of death.
in the shadow of death.
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Bila je to priča o nadi
u sjeni smrti.
u sjeni smrti.
03:18
It was the story of faith
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Bila je to priča o vjeri
03:20
and doubt,
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i sumnji,
03:22
and the realization that a wrestle
with doubt is a part of faith --
with doubt is a part of faith --
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i saznanju da je borba
sa sumnjom dio vjere --
sa sumnjom dio vjere --
03:28
maybe the biggest part of it.
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možda njen najveći dio.
03:30
It was a story that began as a miracle
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Bila je to priča koja je
počela kao čudo
počela kao čudo
03:34
and ended as a memorial.
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i završila kao spomen.
03:37
(Music)
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(Glazba)
03:39
(Giggle)
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(Kikotanje)
03:41
(Clapping)
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(Pljeskanje)
03:42
(Music)
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(Glazba)
03:46
(Video) Dad: Bouncing around,
do you like that?
do you like that?
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(Video) Tata: Skakanje naokolo,
sviđa ti se to?
sviđa ti se to?
03:49
(Giggle)
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(Kikotanje)
03:50
I love your giggle.
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Volim tvoje kikotanje.
03:51
(Music)
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(Glazba)
03:58
(Giggle)
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(Kikotanje)
04:01
[A Journey of Hope In the Shadow of Death]
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[Putovanje Nade u Sjeni Smrti)
04:07
[That Dragon, Cancer]
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[Taj Zmaj, Tumor]
04:10
(Music)
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(Glazba)
04:15
When you play "That Dragon, Cancer,"
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Kada počnete igrati
"Taj Zmaj, Tumor,"
"Taj Zmaj, Tumor,"
04:17
you're transformed
into a witness of Joel's life,
into a witness of Joel's life,
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transformirani ste u
svjedoka Joelova života,
svjedoka Joelova života,
04:21
exploring an emotional landscape,
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koji istražuje emocionalan krajolik
04:23
clicking to discover more of what
we as a family felt and experienced.
we as a family felt and experienced.
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i klika kako bi otkrio što više
onoga što smo mi kao obitelj iskusili.
onoga što smo mi kao obitelj iskusili.
04:29
It feels a little bit
like analyzing interactive poetry
like analyzing interactive poetry
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Pomalo podsjeća na
analiziranje interaktivne poezije
analiziranje interaktivne poezije
04:33
because every game mechanic is a metaphor,
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jer je svaki mehanizam metafora,
04:36
and so the more the player asks themselves
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pa tako, što se igrač više pita,
04:38
what we as designers
were trying to express and why,
were trying to express and why,
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što smo mi kao kreatori
htjeli izraziti i zašto,
htjeli izraziti i zašto,
04:42
the richer the experience becomes.
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to je njegovo iskustvo bogatije.
04:45
We took that vulnerability
that Joel taught us,
that Joel taught us,
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Uzeli smo tu ranjivost
kojoj nas je Joel naučio,
kojoj nas je Joel naučio,
04:48
and we encoded the game with it.
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i njome šifrirali igricu.
04:51
Players expect their video games
to offer them branching narrative
to offer them branching narrative
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Igrači očekuju od video igrica
razgranate priče
razgranate priče
04:55
so that every decision
that they make feels important
that they make feels important
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zato da bi se svaka odluka
koju donose činila važnom
koju donose činila važnom
04:58
and can change the outcome of the game.
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i mogla promijeniti ishod igre.
05:01
We subverted that principle
of game design,
of game design,
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Srušili smo princip
dizajna igrice,
dizajna igrice,
05:04
collapsing the choices in on the player
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ostavljajući sve izbore igračima
05:07
so that they discover for themselves
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kako bi sami otkrili
05:09
that there is nothing that they can do
that will change the outcome for Joel.
that will change the outcome for Joel.
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da ne mogu ništa učiniti
što bi promijenilo Joelov ishod.
što bi promijenilo Joelov ishod.
05:14
And they feel that discovery
as deeply and desperately as we felt it
as deeply and desperately as we felt it
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I onda bi osjetili to saznanje
jednako duboko i očajno kao i mi
jednako duboko i očajno kao i mi
05:20
on nights when we held Joel
in our arms praying for hours,
in our arms praying for hours,
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u onim noćima kada smo Joela
satima držali u naručju i molili,
satima držali u naručju i molili,
05:24
stubbornly holding out hope for a grace
that we could not create for ourselves.
that we could not create for ourselves.
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tvrdoglavo se nadajući milosti
koju nismo mogli sami sebi stvoriti.
koju nismo mogli sami sebi stvoriti.
05:30
We'd all prefer to win,
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Svi smo htjeli pobijediti,
05:33
but when you discover that you can't win,
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ali kad otkriješ da ne možeš pobijediti,
05:36
what do you value instead?
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što drugo onda cijeniš?
05:39
I never planned to write video games,
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Nikada nisam planirala
da ću pisati video igre,
da ću pisati video igre,
05:41
but these moments
that really change our lives,
that really change our lives,
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ali ovi trenuci koji su
zaista promijenili naše živote,
zaista promijenili naše živote,
05:44
they often come as the result
of our hardship -- and not our glory.
of our hardship -- and not our glory.
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najčešće dolaze kao rezultat
naših muka -- ne naše slave.
naših muka -- ne naše slave.
05:49
When we thought that Joel could live,
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Kada smo mislili da bi Joel mogao živjeti,
05:51
I left the game designing to my husband.
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ostavila sam dizajniranje
igrice svom mužu.
igrice svom mužu.
05:53
I chimed in here and there
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Ja bih se uključila tu i tamo
05:55
with a scene or two and some suggestions.
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s pokojom scenom i ponekim prijedlozima.
05:58
But after the night that Joel died,
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Ali nakon noći u kojoj je Joel umro,
06:02
the passion,
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strast,
06:03
the possibility of sharing Joel's life
through our video game --
through our video game --
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mogućnost da podijelim Joelov
život kroz našu video igru --
život kroz našu video igru --
06:08
it was something that I couldn't resist.
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je bila nešto čemu se
nisam mogla oduprijeti.
nisam mogla oduprijeti.
06:10
I started writing more,
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Počela sam još više pisati,
06:11
I sat in on our team's design meetings,
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sjedila sam na sastancima za dizajn
s našim timom.
s našim timom.
06:14
I added more ideas
and I helped direct scenes.
and I helped direct scenes.
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Dodala sam još ideja
i pomogla pri režiranju scena.
i pomogla pri režiranju scena.
06:17
And I discovered that creating
a video game is telling a story,
a video game is telling a story,
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I otkrila sam da je stvaranje
video igre kao pričanje priče,
video igre kao pričanje priče,
06:22
but with an entirely new vocabulary.
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ali s potpuno novim rječnikom.
06:24
All the same elements of imagination
and symbolism are there,
and symbolism are there,
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Svi oni isti elementi
mašte i simbolike su prisutni,
mašte i simbolike su prisutni,
06:30
but they're just partnered
with player agency
with player agency
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ali su samo spojeni
s djelovanjem igrača
s djelovanjem igrača
06:33
and system responsiveness.
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i odgovaranjem sistema.
06:36
It's challenging work.
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To je izazovan posao.
06:37
I have to think
in a totally new way to do it,
in a totally new way to do it,
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Moram razmišljati na
potpuno nov način za to,
potpuno nov način za to,
06:40
but I love it.
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ali sviđa mi se to.
06:42
And I wouldn't have known
that without Joel.
that without Joel.
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I nebi to znala
da nije bilo Joela.
da nije bilo Joela.
06:46
Maybe you're a little surprised
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Možda ste malo iznenađeni
06:48
by our choice to share our story
of terminal cancer through a video game.
of terminal cancer through a video game.
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našim izborom da podijelimo našu priču
o terminalnom tumoru kroz video igru.
o terminalnom tumoru kroz video igru.
06:54
Perhaps you're even thinking
like so many people before you:
like so many people before you:
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Možda čak razmišljate
kao mnogi ljudi prije vas:
kao mnogi ljudi prije vas:
06:57
cancer is not a game.
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tumor nije igra.
07:01
Well, tell that
to any pediatric cancer parent
to any pediatric cancer parent
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Pa, recite to bilo kojem
roditelju djeteta s tumorom
roditelju djeteta s tumorom
07:03
that's ever taken an exam glove
and blown it up into a balloon,
and blown it up into a balloon,
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koji je nekad uzeo rukavice za pregled
i napuhao ih u balon,
i napuhao ih u balon,
07:07
or transformed a syringe
into a rocket ship,
into a rocket ship,
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ili transformirao špricu
u raketu,
u raketu,
07:10
or let their child ride their IV pole
through the hospital halls
through the hospital halls
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ili pustio svoje dijete da provoza
svoj stalak s infuzijom kroz bolnicu
svoj stalak s infuzijom kroz bolnicu
07:14
like it was a race car.
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kao da je trkaći auto.
07:16
Because when you have children,
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Jer kada volite djecu,
07:19
everything is a game.
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sve je igra.
07:21
And when your young child
experiences something traumatic,
experiences something traumatic,
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I kada vaše malo dijete
prolazi kroz nešto traumatično,
prolazi kroz nešto traumatično,
07:25
you work even harder to make sure
that their life feels like a game
that their life feels like a game
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još više se trudite kako bi im
njihovi životi još više izgledali kao igra
njihovi životi još više izgledali kao igra
07:29
because children naturally
explore their worlds through play.
explore their worlds through play.
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jer je djeci prirodno da
istražuju svijet kroz igru.
istražuju svijet kroz igru.
07:34
While cancer can steal
many things from a family,
many things from a family,
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I dok tumor može ukrasti
mnogo toga od obitelji,
mnogo toga od obitelji,
07:37
it shouldn't steal play.
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nebi trebao moći ukrasti igru.
07:39
If you're listening to me
and you're trying to imagine this family
and you're trying to imagine this family
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Ako me slušate i
pokušavate zamisliti obitelj
pokušavate zamisliti obitelj
07:43
that revolves entirely
around a dying child,
around a dying child,
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koja se vrti u potpunosti
oko umirućeg djeteta,
oko umirućeg djeteta,
07:47
and you can't imagine joy
as part of that picture,
as part of that picture,
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i ne možete zamisliti
sreću kao dio te slike,
sreću kao dio te slike,
07:51
then we were right
to share our story with you,
to share our story with you,
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onda je bio dobar potez
podijeliti našu priču s vama,
podijeliti našu priču s vama,
07:54
because that season of our life was hard.
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jer taj dio našeg života bio je težak.
07:58
Unspeakably hard at times,
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Neopisivo težak ponekad,
08:01
but it was also pure hope,
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ali opet pun nade,
08:04
deep love
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duboke ljubavi,
08:05
and joy like I have never
experienced since.
experienced since.
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i radosti kakvu do tada
nisam iskusila.
nisam iskusila.
08:09
Our video game was our attempt
to share that world
to share that world
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Naša video igra je naš pokušaj
da podijelimo taj svijet
da podijelimo taj svijet
08:13
with people who hadn't
experienced it before,
experienced it before,
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s ljudima koji to
nikad prije nisu iskusili,
nikad prije nisu iskusili,
08:16
because we never could imagine
that world until it became ours.
that world until it became ours.
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jer ni mi ga nismo mogli zamisliti
dok nije postao naš.
dok nije postao naš.
08:21
We made a video game that's hard to play.
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Napravili smo video igru
koju je teško igrati.
koju je teško igrati.
08:25
It will never be a blockbuster.
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Nikada neće biti blockbuster.
08:27
People have to prepare themselves
to invest emotionally
to invest emotionally
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Ljudi se moraju pripremiti
na emocionalno ulaganje
na emocionalno ulaganje
08:31
in a story that they know
will break their hearts.
will break their hearts.
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u priču za koju znaju
da će im slomiti srca.
da će im slomiti srca.
08:35
But when our hearts break,
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Ali kada se naša srca slome,
08:38
they heal a little differently.
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ona zacijele malo drugačija.
08:42
My broken heart has been healing
with a new and a deeper compassion --
with a new and a deeper compassion --
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Moje slomljeno srce zacjeljuje
s novom i dubljom samilošću --
s novom i dubljom samilošću --
08:46
a desire to sit with people in their pain,
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željom da sjednem s ljudima
u njihovoj boli,
u njihovoj boli,
08:49
to hear their stories
and try to help tell them
and try to help tell them
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kako bi čula njihove priče
i pokušala im pomoći reći
i pokušala im pomoći reći
08:52
so that they know that they're seen.
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da znaju da su viđeni.
08:56
On the night when "That Dragon, Cancer"
won the Game for Impact Award,
won the Game for Impact Award,
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U noći kada je "Taj Zmaj, Tumor"
osvojio nagradu za Utjecajnu Igru,
osvojio nagradu za Utjecajnu Igru,
09:00
we cheered,
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razveselili smo se,
09:02
we smiled and we talked about Joel
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osmjehnuli i razgovarali o Joelu
09:05
and the impact he had on our life --
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i njegovom utjecaju na naše živote --
09:07
on all of those hard and hopeful nights
that we shared with him
that we shared with him
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u svim onim teškim i noćima punim nade
koje smo dijelili s njim
koje smo dijelili s njim
09:12
when he changed our hearts
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kada je promijenio naša srca
09:13
and taught us so much more
about life and love and faith and purpose.
about life and love and faith and purpose.
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i naučio nas toliko toga o
životu i ljubavi i vjeri i svrsi.
životu i ljubavi i vjeri i svrsi.
09:20
That award will never mean as much to me
as even a single photograph of my son,
as even a single photograph of my son,
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Ta nagrada mi nikada neće značiti
čak ni kao jedna fotografija moga sina,
čak ni kao jedna fotografija moga sina,
09:27
but it does represent all of the people
who his life has impacted,
who his life has impacted,
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ali predstavlja sve ljude
na koje je njegov život utjecao,
na koje je njegov život utjecao,
09:31
people I'll never meet.
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ljude koje ja nikada neću upoznati.
09:34
They write me emails sometimes.
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Ponekad mi šalju mailove.
09:36
They tell me that they miss Joel,
even though they never met him.
even though they never met him.
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Kažu mi da im nedostaje Joel,
iako ga nikada nisu upoznali.
iako ga nikada nisu upoznali.
09:42
They describe the tears
that they've shed for my son,
that they've shed for my son,
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Opisuju mi suze
koje su prolili za mog sina
koje su prolili za mog sina
09:47
and it makes my burden of grief
just a little bit lighter
just a little bit lighter
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i to čini moj teret tuge
barem mrvicu lakšim
barem mrvicu lakšim
09:51
knowing that it's shared
with a 10-year-old
with a 10-year-old
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kada znam da to dijelim
s desetogodišnjakom
s desetogodišnjakom
09:53
watching a YouTube playthrough,
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koji gleda igricu na YouTubeu,
09:55
or a doctor playing on his airplane
with a smartphone,
with a smartphone,
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ili doktorom koji to igra u
avionu na svom pametnom telefonu,
avionu na svom pametnom telefonu,
10:00
or a professor introducing Joel
to her first-year philosophy students.
to her first-year philosophy students.
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ili profesorom koji predstavlja Joela
svojim studentima filozofije na 1. godini.
svojim studentima filozofije na 1. godini.
10:06
We made a video game that's hard to play.
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Napravili smo video igru koju je teško igrati.
10:11
But that feels just right to me,
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Ali meni se to čini potpuno ispravnim,
10:14
because the hardest moments of our lives
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jer najteži trenuci u našim životima
10:16
change us more than any goal
we could ever accomplish.
we could ever accomplish.
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promijene nas više nego ijedan
cilj koji bi ikada mogli ostvariti.
cilj koji bi ikada mogli ostvariti.
10:21
Tragedy has shifted my heart
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Tragedija je preokrenula moje srce
10:24
more than any dream
I could ever see come true.
I could ever see come true.
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više nego ijedan san
koji bi mi se ikada mogao ostvariti.
koji bi mi se ikada mogao ostvariti.
10:28
Thank you.
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Hvala Vam.
10:29
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Green - Video game designerAmy Green creates narrative video games that focus on innovative stories.
Why you should listen
Amy Green writes and designs video games for Numinous Games, whose first title, That Dragon, Cancer, was an intimate autobiography of the life and death of her son Joel Green. Along with her husband and a team of six other developers, she used a video game to artistically portray the surreal emotional landscape of raising a child with a terminal illness. In May 2017, the Peabody Media Center and the University of Georgia awarded That Dragon, Cancer a Peabody-Facebook Futures of Media Award for Best Video Game.
Green's current project, Untethered, is an episodic virtual reality mystery that allows the player to speak out loud to the characters within the game. These characters speak back to the player, including the player as an integral character in the quirky story that is being told in the game.
Green's work with Numinous Games has been recognized by the British Academy of Film and Television Arts, South by Southwest, Games for Change, the Independent Game Developers Association, the Game Awards and has been featured in press coverage by the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Wired Magazine, Popular Science, RadioLab, CBS Sunday Morning, the BBC and the Guardian.
Amy Green | Speaker | TED.com