TEDxOhioStateUniversity
Tanya Menon: The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven't met yet
Tanja Menon (Tanya Menon): Tajna velikih prilika? Osoba koju niste još sreli
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Često se nađemo zaglavljeni u uskim socijalnim krugovima sa sličnim ljudima. Kako nas navike ograničavaju i kako da ih prekinemo? Organizacioni psiholog Tanja Menon razmatra kako širenju našeg socijalnog univerzuma možemo pristupiti usmerenije - i kako to može dovesti do novih ideja i prilika.
Tanya Menon - Organizational psychologist
Tanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people. Full bio
Tanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I started teaching MBA students
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Počela sam da predajem MBA studentima
pre 17 godina.
00:15
17 years ago.
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00:17
Sometimes I run into
my students years later.
my students years later.
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Ponekad naletim na svoje studente
godinama kasnije,
godinama kasnije,
00:20
And when I run into them,
a funny thing happens.
a funny thing happens.
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a kada ih sretnem, smešna stvar se desi.
00:23
I don't remember just their faces;
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Ne pamtim samo njihova lica;
00:25
I also remember where exactly
in the classroom they were sitting.
in the classroom they were sitting.
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takođe pamtim gde su tačno
sedeli u učionici.
sedeli u učionici.
00:30
And I remember who
they were sitting with as well.
they were sitting with as well.
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I pamtim sa kim su sedeli, takođe.
00:33
This is not because I have
any special superpowers of memory.
any special superpowers of memory.
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Ovo nije zato što imam
bilo kakve super moći vezane za pamćenje.
bilo kakve super moći vezane za pamćenje.
00:38
The reason I can remember them
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Razlog zbog kog mogu da ih se setim
00:40
is because they are creatures of habit.
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je taj što su oni stvorenja navike.
00:43
They are sitting with their
favorite people in their favorite seats.
favorite people in their favorite seats.
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Sede sa svojim omiljenim ljudima
na svojim omiljenim mestima.
na svojim omiljenim mestima.
00:47
They find their twins,
they stay with them for the whole year.
they stay with them for the whole year.
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Nalaze svoje blizance,
ostaju sa njima tokom cele godine.
ostaju sa njima tokom cele godine.
00:51
Now, the danger of this
for my students is they're at risk
for my students is they're at risk
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Sada, opasnost u svemu ovome
za moje studente jeste što oni rizikuju
za moje studente jeste što oni rizikuju
00:56
of leaving the university
with just a few people
with just a few people
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da odu sa univerziteta
sa svega nekoliko ljudi
sa svega nekoliko ljudi
koji su potpuno isti kao i oni.
01:00
who are exactly like them.
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01:01
They're going to squander their chance
for an international, diverse network.
for an international, diverse network.
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Proćerdaće svoju šansu
za međunarodnom, raznolikom mrežom.
za međunarodnom, raznolikom mrežom.
01:06
How could this happen to them?
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Kako bi ovo moglo da im se desi?
01:07
My students are open-minded.
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Moji studenti su otvorenog uma.
01:09
They come to business school precisely
so that they can get great networks.
so that they can get great networks.
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Oni su izabrali poslovnu školu iz razloga
da mogu da ostvare sjajnu povezanost.
da mogu da ostvare sjajnu povezanost.
01:14
Now, all of us socially narrow
in our lives, in our school, in work,
in our lives, in our school, in work,
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Sada, svi mi smo socijalno ograničeni
u našim životima, u našoj školi, u poslu,
u našim životima, u našoj školi, u poslu,
01:20
and so I want you to think about this one.
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pa bih želela da razmislite o sledećem.
01:22
How many of you here
brought a friend along for this talk?
brought a friend along for this talk?
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Koliko vas ovde je povelo prijatelja
sa sobom na ovaj govor?
sa sobom na ovaj govor?
01:27
I want you to look
at your friend a little bit.
at your friend a little bit.
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Želim da malo pogledate svog prijatelja.
01:31
Are they of the same nationality as you?
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Da li su iste nacionalnosti kao vi?
01:34
Are they of the same gender as you?
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Da li su istog pola kao vi?
01:37
Are they of the same race?
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Da li su iste rase?
01:38
Really look at them closely.
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Dobro ih pogledajte.
01:41
Don't they kind of look like you as well?
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Zar ne liče malo i na vas?
01:43
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:44
The muscle people are together,
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Mišićavi ljudi su zajedno,
01:45
and the people with the same hairstyles
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i ljudi sa istim frizurama
01:47
and the checked shirts.
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i kariranim košuljama.
01:50
We all do this in life.
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Svi mi radimo to u životu.
01:51
We all do it in life, and in fact,
there's nothing wrong with this.
there's nothing wrong with this.
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Svi mi radimo to u životu i, u stvari,
ništa nije pogrešno kod toga.
ništa nije pogrešno kod toga.
01:55
It makes us comfortable to be
around people who are similar.
around people who are similar.
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Prijatnije nam je da budemo
okruženi ljudima koji su nam slični.
okruženi ljudima koji su nam slični.
01:59
The problem is when
we're on a precipice, right?
we're on a precipice, right?
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Problem je kada se nađemo
na rubu propasti, zar ne?
na rubu propasti, zar ne?
02:02
When we're in trouble,
when we need new ideas,
when we need new ideas,
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Kada se nađemo u nevolji,
kada nam trebaju nove ideje,
kada nam trebaju nove ideje,
02:04
when we need new jobs,
when we need new resources --
when we need new resources --
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kada nam trebaju novi poslovi,
kada nam trebaju novi izvori,
kada nam trebaju novi izvori,
02:08
this is when we really pay a price
for living in a clique.
for living in a clique.
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tada zaista plaćamo cenu toga
što živimo u malim grupama.
što živimo u malim grupama.
02:13
Mark Granovetter, the sociologist,
had a famous paper
had a famous paper
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Mark Granoveter, sociolog,
ima poznati rad,
ima poznati rad,
02:18
"The Strength of Weak Ties,"
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„Snagu slabih veza“,
02:20
and what he did in this paper
is he asked people
is he asked people
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a on je u tom radu pitao ljude
02:22
how they got their jobs.
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kako su dobili svoje poslove.
02:24
And what he learned was that
most people don't get their jobs
most people don't get their jobs
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I shvatio je da većina ljudi
ne dobija poslove
ne dobija poslove
02:27
through their strong ties -- their father,
their mother, their significant other.
their mother, their significant other.
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putem jakih veza -
njihovog oca, majke, partnera.
njihovog oca, majke, partnera.
02:31
They instead get jobs through weak ties,
people who they just met.
people who they just met.
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Umesto toga dobijaju poslove
putem slabih veza,
putem slabih veza,
od ljudi koje su upravo upoznali.
02:36
So if you think about what
the problem is with your strong ties,
the problem is with your strong ties,
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Pa, ako razmislite o tome
u čemu je problem sa vašim jakim vezama,
u čemu je problem sa vašim jakim vezama,
razmislite i o vašim
partnerima, na primer.
partnerima, na primer.
02:39
think about your
significant other, for example.
significant other, for example.
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02:42
The network is redundant.
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Mreža je suvišna.
02:43
Everybody that they know, you know.
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Svakoga koga oni znaju, znate i vi.
Ili, ja se nadam da ih znate. Zar ne?
02:46
Or I hope you know them. Right?
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02:49
Your weak ties --
people you just met today --
people you just met today --
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Vaše slabe veze,
ljudi koje ste upoznali danas,
ljudi koje ste upoznali danas,
02:51
they are your ticket
to a whole new social world.
to a whole new social world.
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vaša su karta ka celom
novom društvenom svetu.
novom društvenom svetu.
02:55
The thing is that we have this amazing
ticket to travel our social worlds,
ticket to travel our social worlds,
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Stvar je u tome da imamo neverovatnu kartu
da putujemo našim društvenim svetovima,
da putujemo našim društvenim svetovima,
03:00
but we don't use it very well.
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ali je ne koristimo dobro.
03:01
Sometimes we stay awfully close to home.
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Ponekad ostajemo užasno blizu kuće.
03:04
And today, what I want to talk about is:
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I danas, ono o čemu želim da pričam je
03:06
What are those habits that keep
human beings so close to home,
human beings so close to home,
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koje su to navike koje drže
ljudska bića tako blizu kuće
ljudska bića tako blizu kuće
03:10
and how can we be
a little bit more intentional
a little bit more intentional
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i kako svi mi možemo
da sa malo više namere
da sa malo više namere
03:13
about traveling our social universe?
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putujemo kroz naš društveni univerzum.
03:15
So let's look at the first strategy.
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Pa, hajde da pogledamo prvu strategiju.
03:18
The first strategy is to use
a more imperfect social search engine.
a more imperfect social search engine.
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Prva strategija je da koristimo
nesavršeniji društveni pretraživač.
nesavršeniji društveni pretraživač.
03:24
What I mean by a social search engine
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Pod društvenim pretraživačem podrazumevam
03:26
is how you are finding
and filtering your friends.
and filtering your friends.
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način na koji pronalazite
i filtrirate prijatelje.
i filtrirate prijatelje.
03:31
And so people always tell me,
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I zato mi ljudi uvek govore:
03:33
"I want to get lucky through the network.
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„Želim da mi se posreći putem mreže.
Želim da dobijem
novi posao, veliku priliku.“
novi posao, veliku priliku.“
03:35
I want to get a new job.
I want to get a great opportunity."
I want to get a great opportunity."
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Kažem im: „Pa, to je zaista teško
03:38
And I say, "Well, that's really hard,
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zato što su vaše mreže
u osnovi tako predvidive.“
u osnovi tako predvidive.“
03:40
because your networks
are so fundamentally predictable."
are so fundamentally predictable."
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03:43
Map out your habitual daily footpath,
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Mapirajte svoju svakodnevnu pešačku zonu
03:46
and what you'll probably discover
is that you start at home,
is that you start at home,
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i ono što ćete verovatno otkriti
je da je započinjete kod kuće,
je da je započinjete kod kuće,
03:50
you go to your school or your workplace,
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idete u školu ili na radno mesto,
03:52
you maybe go up
the same staircase or elevator,
the same staircase or elevator,
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možda se penjete
istim stepenicama ili liftom,
istim stepenicama ili liftom,
03:55
you go to the bathroom --
the same bathroom --
the same bathroom --
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idete u kupatilo, isto kupatilo
03:58
and the same stall in that bathroom,
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istu WC šolju u kupatilu,
završite u teretani,
04:00
you end up in the gym,
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04:01
then you come right back home.
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zatim se vraćate pravo kući.
04:03
It's like stops on a train schedule.
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To je nalik stanicama u voznom rasporedu.
04:05
It's that predictable.
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Toliko je predvidivo.
04:06
It's efficient, but the problem is,
you're seeing exactly the same people.
you're seeing exactly the same people.
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Efikasno je, ali problem je u tome
što viđate uvek iste ljude.
što viđate uvek iste ljude.
04:12
Make your network
slightly more inefficient.
slightly more inefficient.
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Napravite svoju mrežu
malo više neefikasnijom.
malo više neefikasnijom.
04:15
Go to a bathroom on a different floor.
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Idite u kupatilo na različitom spratu.
04:18
You encounter a whole new
network of people.
network of people.
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Srešćete se sa potpuno novom mrežom ljudi.
04:21
The other side of it is how
we are actually filtering.
we are actually filtering.
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Druga strana toga je način
na koji mi zapravo filtriramo.
na koji mi zapravo filtriramo.
04:26
And we do this automatically.
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A radimo to automatski.
04:28
The minute we meet someone,
we are looking at them, we meet them,
we are looking at them, we meet them,
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U trenutku kada upoznamo nekoga,
gledamo u njih, upoznajemo ih,
gledamo u njih, upoznajemo ih,
04:31
we are initially seeing,
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inicijalno vidimo:
04:32
"You're interesting."
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„Ti si interesantan.“
04:33
"You're not interesting."
"You're relevant."
"You're relevant."
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„Ti nisi interesantan.“ „Ti si bitan.“
Radimo ovo automatski.
Čak ne možemo tome da se odupremo.
Čak ne možemo tome da se odupremo.
04:36
We do this automatically.
We can't even help it.
We can't even help it.
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04:38
And what I want to encourage you
to do instead is to fight your filters.
to do instead is to fight your filters.
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Želim da vas ohrabrim da se umesto toga
borite sa vašim filterima.
borite sa vašim filterima.
04:42
I want you to take a look
around this room,
around this room,
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Želim da razgledate po ovoj prostoriji
04:45
and I want you to identify
the least interesting person that you see,
the least interesting person that you see,
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i želim da identifikujete
najmanje interesantnu osobu koju vidite
najmanje interesantnu osobu koju vidite
04:49
and I want you to connect with them
over the next coffee break.
over the next coffee break.
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i da se povežete sa njima
tokom sledeće pauze za kafu.
tokom sledeće pauze za kafu.
04:52
And I want you to go
even further than that.
even further than that.
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Želim da odete čak i dalje od toga.
04:54
What I want you to do is find
the most irritating person you see as well
the most irritating person you see as well
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Želim od vas da nađete
i najiritantniju osobu koju vidite
i najiritantniju osobu koju vidite
04:59
and connect with them.
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i da se povežete sa njom.
05:01
What you are doing with this exercise
is you are forcing yourself
is you are forcing yourself
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Pomoću ove vežbe prisiljavate sebe
05:08
to see what you don't want to see,
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da vidite ono što ne želite da vidite,
da se povežete sa onima
sa kojima ne želite da se povežete
sa kojima ne želite da se povežete
05:10
to connect with who
you don't want to connect with,
you don't want to connect with,
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05:13
to widen your social world.
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da biste proširili svoj društveni svet.
05:15
To truly widen, what we have to do is,
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Da bismo ga istinski proširili,
treba da se suočimo
sa našim smislom za izbore.
sa našim smislom za izbore.
05:18
we've got to fight our sense of choice.
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05:20
We've got to fight our choices.
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Treba da se borimo protiv naših izbora.
05:22
And my students hate this,
but you know what I do?
but you know what I do?
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Moji studenti mrze ovo,
ali znate šta radim?
ali znate šta radim?
05:24
I won't let them sit
in their favorite seats.
in their favorite seats.
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Ne dozvoljavam im da sede
na omiljenom mestu.
na omiljenom mestu.
05:27
I move them around from seat to seat.
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Pomeram ih okolo od mesta do mesta.
05:29
I force them to work with different people
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Prisiljavam ih da rade
sa različitim ljudima
sa različitim ljudima
05:31
so there are more accidental
bumps in the network
bumps in the network
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tako da ima više
slučajnih prepreka u mreži
slučajnih prepreka u mreži
05:34
where people get a chance
to connect with each other.
to connect with each other.
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gde ljudi dobijaju šansu
da se povežu jedni sa drugima.
da se povežu jedni sa drugima.
05:36
And we studied exactly this kind
of an intervention at Harvard University.
of an intervention at Harvard University.
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Upravo ovu vrstu intervencije
smo proučavali na Univerzitetu Harvard.
smo proučavali na Univerzitetu Harvard.
05:41
At Harvard, when you look at
the rooming groups,
the rooming groups,
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Na Harvardu, kada pogledate
u grupe u sobi,
u grupe u sobi,
05:44
there's freshman rooming groups,
people are not choosing those roommates.
people are not choosing those roommates.
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a imate brucoške cimerske grupe,
ljudi ne biraju svoje cimere.
ljudi ne biraju svoje cimere.
05:48
They're of all different races,
all different ethnicities.
all different ethnicities.
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Oni su svi različitih rasa,
različite nacionalnosti.
različite nacionalnosti.
Možda je ljudima u početku
nelagodno sa ovim cimerima,
nelagodno sa ovim cimerima,
05:51
Maybe people are initially uncomfortable
with those roommates,
with those roommates,
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ali neverovatna stvar je da,
05:54
but the amazing thing is,
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05:55
at the end of a year with those students,
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na kraju godine sa tim studentima,
05:57
they're able to overcome
that initial discomfort.
that initial discomfort.
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oni uspevaju da prevaziđu
tu početnu nelagodnost.
tu početnu nelagodnost.
06:01
They're able to find deep-level
commonalities with people.
commonalities with people.
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Mogu da pronađu duboke nivoe
sličnosti sa ljudima.
sličnosti sa ljudima.
06:04
So the takeaway here is not just
"take someone out to coffee."
"take someone out to coffee."
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Tako poruka odavde nije
„samo izvedi nekoga na kafu“.
„samo izvedi nekoga na kafu“.
06:10
It's a little more subtle.
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Malo je suptilnija.
06:11
It's "go to the coffee room."
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To je više nalik
„idite u prostoriju sa kafom“.
„idite u prostoriju sa kafom“.
06:14
When researchers talk about social hubs,
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Kada istraživači pričaju
o socijalnim petljama,
o socijalnim petljama,
06:16
what makes a social hub so special
is you can't choose;
is you can't choose;
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ono što ih čini tako specijalnim
je da ne možete da birate;
je da ne možete da birate;
ne možete da predvidite
koga ćete sresti u tom mestu.
koga ćete sresti u tom mestu.
06:20
you can't predict who
you're going to meet in that place.
you're going to meet in that place.
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06:24
And so with these social hubs,
the paradox is, interestingly enough,
the paradox is, interestingly enough,
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Zato je sa tim socijalnim petljama
paradoksalno i veoma interesantno da,
paradoksalno i veoma interesantno da,
06:29
to get randomness,
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da biste dobili slučajnost,
06:31
it requires, actually, some planning.
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to zahteva, zapravo, malo planiranja.
06:33
In one university that I worked at,
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Na jednom univerzitetu gde sam radila
06:36
there was a mail room
on every single floor.
on every single floor.
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postojala je soba za poštu
na svakom spratu.
na svakom spratu.
06:38
What that meant is that the only people
who would bump into each other
who would bump into each other
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To znači da su jedini ljudi
koji će naleteti jedni na druge
koji će naleteti jedni na druge
06:42
are those who are actually on that floor
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zapravo oni na tom spratu
i koji ionako naleću jedni na druge.
i koji ionako naleću jedni na druge.
06:44
and who are bumping
into each other anyway.
into each other anyway.
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Na drugom univerzitetu gde sam radila
postojala je samo jedna prostorija,
postojala je samo jedna prostorija,
06:46
At another university I worked at,
there was only one mail room,
there was only one mail room,
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tako da su svi sa fakulteta,
iz svih delova zgrade,
iz svih delova zgrade,
06:49
so all the faculty
from all over that building
from all over that building
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06:52
would run into each other
in that social hub.
in that social hub.
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naletali jedni na druge
u toj socijalnoj petlji.
u toj socijalnoj petlji.
06:56
A simple change in planning,
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Jednostavna promena u planiranju
06:59
a huge difference in the traffic of people
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predstavlja veliku razliku
za saobraćanje ljudi
za saobraćanje ljudi
07:02
and the accidental bumps in the network.
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i slučajne susrete u mreži.
07:04
Here's my question for you:
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Evo mog pitanja za vas:
07:06
What are you doing that breaks you
from your social habits?
from your social habits?
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šta radite da se odvojite
od svojih socijalnih navika?
od svojih socijalnih navika?
07:10
Where do you find yourself
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Gde se pronalazite
07:11
in places where you get injections
of unpredictable diversity?
of unpredictable diversity?
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na mestima gde dobijate injekcije
nepredvidive raznovrsnosti?
nepredvidive raznovrsnosti?
07:17
And my students give me
some wonderful examples.
some wonderful examples.
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A moji studenti mi daju
neke predivne primere.
neke predivne primere.
Kažu mi da je to kada igraju košarku
07:19
They tell me when they're doing
pickup basketball games,
pickup basketball games,
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07:22
or my favorite example
is when they go to a dog park.
is when they go to a dog park.
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ili, što je moj omiljeni primer,
kada idu u park za pse.
kada idu u park za pse.
07:25
They tell me it's even better
than online dating when they're there.
than online dating when they're there.
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Kažu mi da je čak bolje
od onlajn upoznavanja kada su tamo.
od onlajn upoznavanja kada su tamo.
07:29
So the real thing that
I want you to think about
I want you to think about
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Dakle, zapravo želim da razmislite o tome
07:33
is we've got to fight our filters.
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da treba da se borimo
protiv naših filtera.
protiv naših filtera.
07:35
We've got to make ourselves
a little more inefficient,
a little more inefficient,
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Treba da postanemo malo neefikasniji
07:38
and by doing so, we are creating
a more imprecise social search engine.
a more imprecise social search engine.
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a tako stvaramo
neprecizniji socijalni pretraživač.
neprecizniji socijalni pretraživač.
07:43
And you're creating that randomness,
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Stvarate te slučajnosti, tu sreću
07:46
that luck that is going to cause you
to widen your travels,
to widen your travels,
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koja će izazvati proširenje
vaših putovanja
vaših putovanja
07:48
through your social universe.
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kroz vaš socijalni univerzum.
07:50
But in fact, there's more to it than that.
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Ali, u stvari, tu postoji više od toga.
07:53
Sometimes we actually buy ourselves
a second-class ticket
a second-class ticket
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Ponekad zapravo kupujemo sebi
kartu druge klase
kartu druge klase
07:58
to travel our social universe.
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za putovanje našim socijalnim univerzumom.
Nismo hrabri kada prilazimo ljudima.
08:00
We are not courageous
when we reach out to people.
when we reach out to people.
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08:04
Let me give you an example of that.
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Dozvolite mi da vam dam primer za to.
08:06
A few years ago, I had
a very eventful year.
a very eventful year.
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Pre nekoliko godina,
imala sam godinu prepunu događaja.
imala sam godinu prepunu događaja.
08:09
That year, I managed to lose a job,
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Te godine sam uspela da izgubim posao,
08:12
I managed to get a dream job
overseas and accept it,
overseas and accept it,
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da dobijem posao iz snova
u inostranstvu i da ga prihvatim.
u inostranstvu i da ga prihvatim.
08:15
I had a baby the next month,
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Dobila sam bebu sledećeg meseca.
Veoma sam se razbolela.
08:17
I got very sick,
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08:18
I was unable to take the dream job.
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Nisam mogla da prihvatim posao iz snova.
08:21
And so in a few weeks,
what ended up happening was,
what ended up happening was,
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Tako, u narednih nekoliko nedelja,
na kraju se desilo
na kraju se desilo
08:24
I lost my identity as a faculty member,
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da sam izgubila identitet
kao član fakulteta
kao član fakulteta
08:27
and I got a very stressful
new identity as a mother.
new identity as a mother.
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i dobila sam veoma stresni
novi identitet kao majka.
novi identitet kao majka.
08:30
What I also got was tons
of advice from people.
of advice from people.
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Ono što sam takođe dobila
je tona saveta od ljudi.
je tona saveta od ljudi.
08:33
And the advice I despised
more than any other advice was,
more than any other advice was,
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A savet koji sam prezirala
više od bilo kog drugog je:
više od bilo kog drugog je:
08:36
"You've got to go network with everybody."
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„Treba da se umrežiš sa svima.“
08:38
When your psychological world
is breaking down,
is breaking down,
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Kada se vaš psihološki svet ruši,
08:41
the hardest thing to do
is to try and reach out
is to try and reach out
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najteža stvar koju treba da uradite
je da pokušate, posegnete
je da pokušate, posegnete
08:44
and build up your social world.
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i sagradite svoj društveni svet.
08:46
And so we studied exactly this idea
on a much larger scale.
on a much larger scale.
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Zato smo proučavali upravo ovu ideju
na mnogo višem nivou.
na mnogo višem nivou.
08:51
What we did was we looked at high
and low socioeconomic status people,
and low socioeconomic status people,
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Posmatrali smo ljude sa visokim
i niskim socioekonomskim statusom,
i niskim socioekonomskim statusom,
08:57
and we looked at them in two situations.
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a posmatrali smo ih u dve situacije.
08:59
We looked at them first
in a baseline condition,
in a baseline condition,
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Posmatrali smo ih prvo
u osnovnim uslovima,
u osnovnim uslovima,
09:02
when they were quite comfortable.
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gde su se osećali prilično sigurno.
09:04
And what we found was that
our lower socioeconomic status people,
our lower socioeconomic status people,
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I otkrili smo da naši ljudi
sa nižim socioekonomskim statusom,
sa nižim socioekonomskim statusom,
09:07
when they were comfortable,
were actually reaching out to more people.
were actually reaching out to more people.
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kada su se osećali prijatno,
zapravo su dopirali do više ljudi.
zapravo su dopirali do više ljudi.
Mislili su na više ljudi.
09:11
They thought of more people.
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Takođe su bili manje ograničeni
u tome kako se umrežavaju.
u tome kako se umrežavaju.
09:12
They were also less constrained
in how they were networking.
in how they were networking.
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Mislili su na više različitih ljudi
od ljudi višeg statusa.
od ljudi višeg statusa.
09:15
They were thinking of more diverse people
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09:17
than the higher-status people.
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Onda smo ih pitali da razmisle
o tome da možda izgube posao.
o tome da možda izgube posao.
09:19
Then we asked them
to think about maybe losing a job.
to think about maybe losing a job.
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09:22
We threatened them.
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Ugrozili smo ih.
09:23
And once they thought about that,
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I kada su počeli da razmišljaju o tome,
09:25
the networks they generated
completely differed.
completely differed.
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mreža koju su stvorili
kompletno se promenila.
kompletno se promenila.
09:28
The lower socioeconomic status
people reached inwards.
people reached inwards.
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Ljudi sa nižim socioekonomskim statusom
povukli su se ka unutra.
povukli su se ka unutra.
09:32
They thought of fewer people.
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Mislili su na manje ljudi.
09:33
They thought of less-diverse people.
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Mislili su o manje različitim ljudima.
09:36
The higher socioeconomic status
people thought of more people,
people thought of more people,
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3629
Ljudi sa višim socioekonomskim statusom
razmišljali su o više ljudi,
razmišljali su o više ljudi,
09:39
they thought of a broader network,
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na širu mrežu,
09:41
they were positioning themselves
to bounce back from that setback.
to bounce back from that setback.
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pozicionirali su se tako
da mogu da odskoče iz te postavke.
da mogu da odskoče iz te postavke.
09:46
Let's consider what this actually means.
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Hajde da razmotrimo šta to zapravo znači.
09:49
Imagine that you were being
spontaneously unfriended
spontaneously unfriended
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Zamislite da vas iznenada ostave
09:53
by everyone in your network
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svi prijatelji iz vaše mreže
09:56
other than your mom,
your dad and your dog.
your dad and your dog.
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3575
osim vaše mame, tate i psa.
10:00
(Laughter)
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1021
(Smeh)
10:01
This is essentially what we are doing
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To u suštini mi radimo
10:03
at these moments when
we need our networks the most.
we need our networks the most.
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u tim trenucima kada nam
najviše treba naša mreža.
najviše treba naša mreža.
10:08
Imagine -- this is what we're doing.
We're doing it to ourselves.
We're doing it to ourselves.
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Zamislite - to je ono što mi radimo.
Mi to radimo sami sebi.
Mi to radimo sami sebi.
Mentalno potiskujemo naše mreže
10:11
We are mentally compressing our networks
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kada nas uznemiravaju, maltretiraju,
10:13
when we are being harassed,
when we are being bullied,
when we are being bullied,
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10:15
when we are threatened about losing a job,
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2214
kada nam preti gubitak posla,
10:18
when we feel down and weak.
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kada se osećamo loše i slabo.
10:20
We are closing ourselves off,
isolating ourselves,
isolating ourselves,
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Mi se zatvaramo, izolujemo sebe,
10:23
creating a blind spot where we actually
don't see our resources.
don't see our resources.
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3744
kreiramo slepu tačku gde zapravo
ne vidimo naše resurse.
ne vidimo naše resurse.
10:27
We don't see our allies,
we don't see our opportunities.
we don't see our opportunities.
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Ne vidimo naše saveznike,
ne vidimo naše prilike.
ne vidimo naše prilike.
10:30
How can we overcome this?
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Kako da prevaziđemo ovo?
10:32
Two simple strategies.
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Dve jednostavne strategije.
10:33
One strategy is simply to look
at your list of Facebook friends
at your list of Facebook friends
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Jedna je da jednostavno pogledate
svoju listu prijatelja sa Fejsbuka
svoju listu prijatelja sa Fejsbuka
10:37
and LinkedIn friends
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1156
i Linkedina,
10:38
just so you remind yourself
of people who are there
of people who are there
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samo da se podsetite
na ljude koji su tamo
na ljude koji su tamo
10:41
beyond those that
automatically come to mind.
automatically come to mind.
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pored onih koji vam
automatski prođu kroz glavu.
automatski prođu kroz glavu.
10:44
And in our own research,
one of the things we did was,
one of the things we did was,
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U našem istraživanju, jedna od stvari
koje smo radili je da smo razmatrali
koje smo radili je da smo razmatrali
10:47
we considered Claude Steele's
research on self-affirmation:
research on self-affirmation:
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istraživanje Kloda Stila
o samoprihvatanju:
o samoprihvatanju:
10:50
simply thinking about your own values,
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jednostavno razmišljajte
o sopstvenim vrednostima,
o sopstvenim vrednostima,
10:53
networking from a place of strength.
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1835
umrežite se sa snažnog mesta.
Ono što smo Li Tompson, Hun-Suk Čoi
i ja bili u mogućnosti da uradimo
i ja bili u mogućnosti da uradimo
10:55
What Leigh Thompson, Hoon-Seok Choi
and I were able to do is,
and I were able to do is,
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10:58
we found that people
who had affirmed themselves first
who had affirmed themselves first
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je da smo otkrili da ljudi
koji su prihvatili sebe prvo
koji su prihvatili sebe prvo
11:01
were able to take advice from people
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bili sposobni da poslušaju savet ljudi
11:03
who would otherwise
be threatening to them.
be threatening to them.
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koji bi drugačije bili pretnja po njih.
11:06
Here's a last exercise.
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Evo i poslednje vežbe.
11:09
I want you to look in your email in-box,
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Želim da pogledate u inboks svog imejla
11:12
and I want you to look at the last time
you asked somebody for a favor.
you asked somebody for a favor.
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i da pogledate kada ste poslednji put
pitali nekoga za uslugu.
pitali nekoga za uslugu.
11:16
And I want you to look
at the language that you used.
at the language that you used.
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Želim da obratite pažnju
na rečnik koji ste koristili.
na rečnik koji ste koristili.
Da li ste rekli stvari kao što su:
11:18
Did you say things like,
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1863
11:20
"Oh, you're a great resource,"
229
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1460
„O, ti si veliki izvor“
11:22
or "I owe you one,"
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1476
ili „Dužan sam ti“,
11:23
"I'm obligated to you."
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1679
„Zadužio si me“?
11:25
All of this language
represents a metaphor.
represents a metaphor.
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3241
Sve ove fraze predstavljaju metaforu.
11:28
It's a metaphor of economics,
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1854
To je metafora ekonomije,
11:30
of a balance sheet, of accounting,
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2235
izbalansiranih tabela, računovođa,
11:32
of transactions.
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transakcija.
11:34
And when we think about human relations
in a transactional way,
in a transactional way,
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Kada razmišljamo o ljudskim vezama
na transakcioni način,
na transakcioni način,
11:37
it is fundamentally uncomfortable
to us as human beings.
to us as human beings.
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to nam je u osnovi nelagodno
kao ljudskim bićima.
kao ljudskim bićima.
11:41
We must think about human relations
and reaching out to people
and reaching out to people
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Treba da razmišljamo i o ljudskim odnosima
i dopiranju do ljudi na ljudskije načine.
i dopiranju do ljudi na ljudskije načine.
11:45
in more humane ways.
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11:47
Here's an idea as to how to do so.
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Evo ideje kako to i da uradimo.
11:49
Look at words like "please," "thank you,"
"you're welcome" in other languages.
"you're welcome" in other languages.
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Obratite pažnju na reči „molim“, „hvala“,
„nema na čemu“ u drugim jezicima.
„nema na čemu“ u drugim jezicima.
Obratite pažnju
na bukvalan prevod ovih reči.
na bukvalan prevod ovih reči.
11:55
Look at the literal
translation of these words.
translation of these words.
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Svaka od ovih reči nam pomaže
da se nametnemo drugim ljudima
da se nametnemo drugim ljudima
11:57
Each of these words is a word
that helps us impose upon other people
that helps us impose upon other people
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12:01
in our social networks.
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1622
u našim socijalnim mrežama.
12:02
And so, the word "thank you,"
245
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I tako je reč „hvala“,
ukoliko je potražite na španskom,
italijanskom, francuskom,
italijanskom, francuskom,
12:04
if you look at it in Spanish,
Italian, French,
Italian, French,
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12:07
"gracias," "grazie," "merci" in French.
247
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„gracias“, „grazie“,
„merci“ na francuskom.
„merci“ na francuskom.
12:10
Each of them are "grace" and "mercy."
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Svaka od njih označava naklonost i milost.
12:12
They are godly words.
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1888
To su božanske reči.
12:14
There's nothing economic
or transactional about those words.
or transactional about those words.
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Ne postoji ništa ekonomsko
ili transakciono u tim rečima.
ili transakciono u tim rečima.
12:18
The word "you're welcome" is interesting.
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Fraza „nema na čemu“ je interesantna.
12:20
The great persuasion theorist
Robert Cialdini says
Robert Cialdini says
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Veliki teoretičar ubeđivanja,
Robert Saldini, kaže:
Robert Saldini, kaže:
„Treba da dobijemo naše usluge nazad.“
12:23
we've got to get our favors back.
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12:24
So we need to emphasize
the transaction a little bit more.
the transaction a little bit more.
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Zato treba da transakciju
naglasimo malo više.
naglasimo malo više.
On kaže: „Hajde da ne kažemo
'nema na čemu'.
'nema na čemu'.
12:27
He says, "Let's not say 'You're welcome.'
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1984
Umesto toga recite: 'Znam da ćeš ti
uraditi isto za mene.'“
uraditi isto za mene.'“
12:29
Instead say, 'I know you'd
do the same for me.'"
do the same for me.'"
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12:32
But sometimes it may be helpful
to not think in transactional ways,
to not think in transactional ways,
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Ali ponekad bi možda bilo od pomoći
da ne razmišljamo na transakcione načine,
da ne razmišljamo na transakcione načine,
12:36
to eliminate the transaction,
to make it a little bit more invisible.
to make it a little bit more invisible.
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da eliminišemo transakciju,
da je učinimo malo više nevidljivom.
da je učinimo malo više nevidljivom.
12:40
And in fact, if you look in Chinese,
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U stvari, ukoliko pogledate na kineskom,
12:42
the word "bú kè qì" in Chinese,
"You're welcome," means,
"You're welcome," means,
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fraza „bu ka dži", na kineskom
„nema na čemu“, znači:
„nema na čemu“, znači:
12:45
"Don't be formal; we're family. We don't
need to go through those formalities."
need to go through those formalities."
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„Nemoj biti formalan; mi smo porodica.
Ne treba da prolazimo
kroz te formalnosti.“
kroz te formalnosti.“
12:49
And "kembali" in Indonesian
is "Come back to me."
is "Come back to me."
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A „kambali“ na indonežanskom
znači „vrati mi se“.
znači „vrati mi se“.
12:53
When you say "You're welcome" next time,
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Kada kažete „nema na čemu“ sledeći put,
mislite o tome kako možda možete
da eliminišete transakciju
da eliminišete transakciju
12:55
think about how you can maybe
eliminate the transaction
eliminate the transaction
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12:58
and instead strengthen that social tie.
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i umesto toga ojačate tu socijalnu vezu.
13:01
Maybe "It's great to collaborate,"
or "That's what friends are for."
or "That's what friends are for."
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Možda: „Sjajno je sarađivati“
ili: „Tome prijatelji služe.“
ili: „Tome prijatelji služe.“
13:06
I want you to think about how
you think about this ticket that you have
you think about this ticket that you have
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Želim da razmislite o tome
kako razmišljate o toj karti koju imate
kako razmišljate o toj karti koju imate
13:11
to travel your social universe.
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da putujete vašim socijalnim univerzumom.
13:13
Here's one metaphor.
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Evo još jedne metafore.
13:15
It's a common metaphor:
"Life is a journey." Right?
"Life is a journey." Right?
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To je uobičajena metafora:
„život je putovanje“. Zar ne?
„život je putovanje“. Zar ne?
13:17
It's a train ride,
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To je vožnja vozom,
13:18
and you're a passenger on the train,
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a vi ste putnik u vozu
13:21
and there are certain people with you.
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i tu su određeni ljudi sa vama.
13:23
Certain people get on this train,
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Određeni ljudi ukrcavaju se na ovaj voz
13:25
and some stay with you,
some leave at different stops,
some leave at different stops,
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i neki ostaju sa vama,
neki odlaze na različitim stanicama,
neki odlaze na različitim stanicama,
13:27
new ones may enter.
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novi se mogu ukrcati.
13:29
I love this metaphor,
it's a beautiful one.
it's a beautiful one.
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Ja volim ovu metaforu; prelepa je.
13:31
But I want you to consider
a different metaphor.
a different metaphor.
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Ali želim da razmotrite
drugačiju metaforu.
drugačiju metaforu.
13:34
This one is passive,
being a passenger on that train,
being a passenger on that train,
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Ova je pasivna - biti putnik u vozu,
13:37
and it's quite linear.
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i prilično je linearna.
13:39
You're off to some particular destination.
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Uputili ste se ka nekom
posebnom odredištu.
posebnom odredištu.
13:42
Why not instead think of yourself
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Zašto ne biste umesto toga
razmišljali o sebi
razmišljali o sebi
13:44
as an atom,
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kao o atomu
13:46
bumping up against other atoms,
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koji se sudara sa drugim atomima,
13:48
maybe transferring energy with them,
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možda razmenjuje energiju sa njima,
13:50
bonding with them a little
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zbližava se sa njima malo
13:51
and maybe creating something new
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i možda stvara nešto novo
13:53
on your travels
through the social universe.
through the social universe.
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na vašim putovanjima
kroz socijalni univerzum.
kroz socijalni univerzum.
13:56
Thank you so much.
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Hvala vam puno.
I nadam se da ćemo nabasati
jedni na druge ponovo.
jedni na druge ponovo.
13:57
And I hope we bump into each other again.
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13:59
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tanya Menon - Organizational psychologistTanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people.
Why you should listen
Tanya Menon is fascinated that in a time when we can instantaneously connect with nearly the whole world, we often instead filter our relationships even more narrowly. As such, we often get stuck in dead ends, missing out on new people, ideas and opportunities. Menon and her collaborators have studied the often mundane feelings and innocuous daily habits that cause people to remain in their social comfort zone and produce this polarization. And they have also explored ways that we can be more intentional about navigating the social world.
Menon is Associate Professor at the Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business. Her research has been cited in the Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune and The Financial Times. She is Associate Editor at Management Science journal, an award-winning teacher, and she has done keynotes, consulting and training for organizations all over the world. Her book with Dr. Leigh Thompson, Stop Spending, Start Managing: Strategies to Transform Wasteful Habits (2016, Harvard Business Review Press) explores various social traps people face in business, and how to overcome them.
Menon earned a bachelor's degree in sociology from Harvard University in 1995 and her Ph.D. from the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Her goal as a researcher, educator, consultant and parent is to create new ways for people to connect with each other so that they can live richer and more creative lives. She hopes that her work will help people intentionally create new habits to live a wider life and also share them widely.
Tanya Menon | Speaker | TED.com