Tanya Menon: The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven't met yet
唐雅·梅农: 拥有重大机遇的秘诀?在于你还未遇到的人
Tanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
my students years later.
碰到以前教过的学生
有个很有意思的现象
a funny thing happens.
教室的哪个位置
in the classroom they were sitting.
they were sitting with as well.
记忆超能力
any special superpowers of memory.
跟着习惯走的人
坐在最喜欢的位子
favorite people in their favorite seats.
然后一整年都和他待在一起
they stay with them for the whole year.
for my students is they're at risk
当学生们离开大学步入社会
with just a few people
多样化关系网的机会
for an international, diverse network.
是为了扩大社交圈子
so that they can get great networks.
in our lives, in our school, in work,
在生活 学校 工作中都是如此
思考一下这个问题
带了朋友来听讲座
brought a friend along for this talk?
at your friend a little bit.
there's nothing wrong with this.
让我们感到自在
around people who are similar.
we're on a precipice, right?
需要新的想法
when we need new ideas,
或是需要新的资源
when we need new resources --
付出代价的时候
for living in a clique.
had a famous paper
有一篇著名论文
is he asked people
大多数人得到工作
most people don't get their jobs
例如父亲 母亲或伴侣
their mother, their significant other.
关系不紧密的人获得工作
people who they just met.
身边最重要的人
the problem is with your strong ties,
之间出了什么问题
significant other, for example.
你今天刚见过的人
people you just met today --
社交大门的通行证
to a whole new social world.
ticket to travel our social worlds,
human beings so close to home,
a little bit more intentional
a more imperfect social search engine.
要使用不完美的社交搜索引擎
and filtering your friends.
我想要获得很棒的机会
I want to get a great opportunity."
根本上来讲是可预测的
are so fundamentally predictable."
is that you start at home,
the same staircase or elevator,
the same bathroom --
你见到的都是相同的人
you're seeing exactly the same people.
slightly more inefficient.
network of people.
we are actually filtering.
会先打量一番
we are looking at them, we meet them,
"You're relevant."
根本无法控制
We can't even help it.
to do instead is to fight your filters.
around this room,
the least interesting person that you see,
和他认识一下
over the next coffee break.
even further than that.
the most irritating person you see as well
最招人讨厌的人
is you are forcing yourself
you don't want to connect with,
但你知道我是怎么做的么
but you know what I do?
in their favorite seats.
更多意外的碰撞
bumps in the network
人们有机会认识彼此
to connect with each other.
对这种干预方法进行了研究
of an intervention at Harvard University.
the rooming groups,
people are not choosing those roommates.
all different ethnicities.
with those roommates,
that initial discomfort.
深层次的共同点
commonalities with people.
带某人去喝咖啡
"take someone out to coffee."
在于你无法选择
is you can't choose;
you're going to meet in that place.
the paradox is, interestingly enough,
on every single floor.
who would bump into each other
into each other anyway.
只有一件收发室
there was only one mail room,
from all over that building
in that social hub.
from your social habits?
你做了哪些事情
of unpredictable diversity?
some wonderful examples.
与陌生人打篮球
pickup basketball games,
is when they go to a dog park.
一些学生会去小狗公园
than online dating when they're there.
I want you to think about
a little more inefficient,
一个更不精确的社交搜索引擎
a more imprecise social search engine.
在结识更多人的过程中
to widen your travels,
a second-class ticket
when we reach out to people.
a very eventful year.
overseas and accept it,
what ended up happening was,
new identity as a mother.
of advice from people.
我最鄙视的一条就是
more than any other advice was,
is breaking down,
is to try and reach out
上研究了这个观点
on a much larger scale.
and low socioeconomic status people,
和地位低的两组人
in a baseline condition,
our lower socioeconomic status people,
社会经济地位低的人们
were actually reaching out to more people.
时候感到更加自如
in how they were networking.
to think about maybe losing a job.
completely differed.
people reached inwards.
people thought of more people,
会考虑到更多的人
不惧困难 重新振作
to bounce back from that setback.
spontaneously unfriended
your dad and your dog.
we need our networks the most.
We're doing it to ourselves.
当我们被欺负时
when we are being bullied,
isolating ourselves,
令我们看不到自己拥有的资源
don't see our resources.
看不到自己机会
we don't see our opportunities.
at your list of Facebook friends
of people who are there
automatically come to mind.
one of the things we did was,
在自我肯定方面的研究
research on self-affirmation:
你自己的价值关系网
and I were able to do is,
who had affirmed themselves first
be threatening to them.
you asked somebody for a favor.
寻求帮助的时候
at the language that you used.
represents a metaphor.
in a transactional way,
to us as human beings.
and reaching out to people
谢谢 不客气 等等词汇
"you're welcome" in other languages.
translation of these words.
that helps us impose upon other people
Italian, French,
or transactional about those words.
罗伯特·科拉迪尼说
Robert Cialdini says
the transaction a little bit more.
do the same for me.'"
to not think in transactional ways,
to make it a little bit more invisible.
"You're welcome," means,
need to go through those formalities."
用不着客套
不客气是kembali 意思是再来找我
is "Come back to me."
消除这种交易的感觉
eliminate the transaction
这就是朋友应该做的 会更好
or "That's what friends are for."
you think about this ticket that you have
"Life is a journey." Right?
生活就是一次旅行
有些人会在不同的车站离开
some leave at different stops,
it's a beautiful one.
a different metaphor.
being a passenger on that train,
作为列车的乘客
through the social universe.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tanya Menon - Organizational psychologistTanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people.
Why you should listen
Tanya Menon is fascinated that in a time when we can instantaneously connect with nearly the whole world, we often instead filter our relationships even more narrowly. As such, we often get stuck in dead ends, missing out on new people, ideas and opportunities. Menon and her collaborators have studied the often mundane feelings and innocuous daily habits that cause people to remain in their social comfort zone and produce this polarization. And they have also explored ways that we can be more intentional about navigating the social world.
Menon is Associate Professor at the Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business. Her research has been cited in the Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune and The Financial Times. She is Associate Editor at Management Science journal, an award-winning teacher, and she has done keynotes, consulting and training for organizations all over the world. Her book with Dr. Leigh Thompson, Stop Spending, Start Managing: Strategies to Transform Wasteful Habits (2016, Harvard Business Review Press) explores various social traps people face in business, and how to overcome them.
Menon earned a bachelor's degree in sociology from Harvard University in 1995 and her Ph.D. from the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Her goal as a researcher, educator, consultant and parent is to create new ways for people to connect with each other so that they can live richer and more creative lives. She hopes that her work will help people intentionally create new habits to live a wider life and also share them widely.
Tanya Menon | Speaker | TED.com