Tanya Menon: The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven't met yet
Tanya Menon: Muhteşem fırsatların sırrı mı? Henüz tanışmadığınız insanda.
Tanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
dersleri vermeye başladım
my students years later.
a funny thing happens.
in the classroom they were sitting.
they were sitting with as well.
any special superpowers of memory.
olduğundan değil.
favorite people in their favorite seats.
kişilerle oturuyorlar.
they stay with them for the whole year.
bütün yıl onlarla birlikteler.
for my students is they're at risk
öğrencilerim üniversiteden
with just a few people
sadece birkaç arkadaşla
for an international, diverse network.
yararlanma şansını yitirecekler.
so that they can get great networks.
işletme fakültesindeler.
in our lives, in our school, in work,
hayatımızda, okulda, iş yerinde
brought a friend along for this talk?
bu konuşma için getirdi?
at your friend a little bit.
istiyorum.
there's nothing wrong with this.
around people who are similar.
bizi rahatlatır.
we're on a precipice, right?
olduğumuzda
when we need new ideas,
when we need new resources --
ihtiyacımız varsa,
for living in a clique.
bunun bedelini öderiz.
had a famous paper
ünlü bir araştırması var,
is he asked people
most people don't get their jobs
their mother, their significant other.
değil de; öylesine tanıştıkları
people who they just met.
sayesinde bulmuşlar.
the problem is with your strong ties,
olduğunu düşünürsek
significant other, for example.
tanıyorsundur, değil mi?
people you just met today --
to a whole new social world.
giriş biletin.
ticket to travel our social worlds,
seyahat bileti
human beings so close to home,
a little bit more intentional
a more imperfect social search engine.
sosyal arama motoru kullan.
and filtering your friends.
onları nasıl bulduğun.
şanslı olmak istiyorum.
I want to get a great opportunity."
muhteşem fırsatlar istiyorum."
are so fundamentally predictable."
diyorum.
is that you start at home,
the same staircase or elevator,
çıkıyorsun,
the same bathroom --
you're seeing exactly the same people.
kişileri görmende.
slightly more inefficient.
network of people.
karşılaşacaksın.
we are actually filtering.
nasıl seçtiğimiz.
we are looking at them, we meet them,
onlara bakıyoruz, tanışıyoruz
"You're relevant."
We can't even help it.
to do instead is to fight your filters.
savaşmada sizi cesaretlendirmek.
around this room,
the least interesting person that you see,
over the next coffee break.
molasında ilişki kurun.
even further than that.
the most irritating person you see as well
bulmanızı istiyorum
is you are forcing yourself
kendimizi zorlamaktır.
you don't want to connect with,
iletişim kurarak
but you know what I do?
in their favorite seats.
izin vermiyorum.
çalışmaya zorluyorum.
bumps in the network
kazara farklılıklar oluyor
to connect with each other.
şansları doğuyor.
of an intervention at Harvard University.
tam da bu tür bir girişim denedik.
the rooming groups,
people are not choosing those roommates.
bu oda arkadaşlarını seçmiyor.
all different ethnicities.
öğrenciler var.
with those roommates,
arkadaşlarından rahatsız olabiliyorlar.
bu öğrencilerle
that initial discomfort.
sene sonunda yenebiliyorlar.
commonalities with people.
bulabiliyorlar.
"take someone out to coffee."
"Biriyle kahve için"
bahseder.
is you can't choose;
onu seçememektir.
you're going to meet in that place.
tahmin edemezsin.
the paradox is, interestingly enough,
on every single floor.
who would bump into each other
into each other anyway.
there was only one mail room,
sadece
from all over that building
fakülteden pek çok kişi
in that social hub.
karşılaşıyordu.
neden olur.
from your social habits?
yapıyorsunuz?
of unpredictable diversity?
kendinizi nerede görüyorsunuz?
some wonderful examples.
pickup basketball games,
yapıyorlarmış.
is when they go to a dog park.
köpek parkına gitmeleriydi.
than online dating when they're there.
daha iyi diyorlar.
I want you to think about
a little more inefficient,
a more imprecise social search engine.
arama motorumuz olacak.
to widen your travels,
a second-class ticket
bilet alırız.
when we reach out to people.
a very eventful year.
maceralı bir yıl geçirdim.
overseas and accept it,
buldum ve işe kabul edildim,
gidemedim.
what ended up happening was,
new identity as a mother.
kimliğini kazandım.
of advice from people.
more than any other advice was,
is breaking down,
is to try and reach out
yeni bir sosyal çevre
oluşturmaktı.
on a much larger scale.
bir kapsamda inceledik.
and low socioeconomic status people,
seviyedeki insanlara baktık
in a baseline condition,
our lower socioeconomic status people,
insanların
were actually reaching out to more people.
daha çok kişiye erişebildiklerini bulduk.
in how they were networking.
to think about maybe losing a job.
düşünmelerini istedik.
hissettirdik.
completely differed.
tamamen değişti.
people reached inwards.
people thought of more people,
daha fazla kişi
to bounce back from that setback.
toparlayabilmeyi düşündüler.
bir düşünelim.
spontaneously unfriended
tarafından.
your dad and your dog.
köpeğiniz haricinde tabii.
we need our networks the most.
bunu yapıyoruz aslında.
We're doing it to ourselves.
when we are being bullied,
zorbalığa uğrayınca,
isolating ourselves,
don't see our resources.
bir kör nokta yaratıyoruz.
we don't see our opportunities.
ve fırsatları göremiyoruz.
at your list of Facebook friends
of people who are there
automatically come to mind.
one of the things we did was,
bir şey de
research on self-affirmation:
teorisini düşünmekti.
düşünerek
and I were able to do is,
çalışmamızda,
insanların
who had affirmed themselves first
tehdit olabilecek
sonucuna ulaştık.
be threatening to them.
you asked somebody for a favor.
at the language that you used.
represents a metaphor.
in a transactional way,
olarak düşünürsek
to us as human beings.
and reaching out to people
iletişimi daha insancıl
"you're welcome" in other languages.
kelimelerin tam çevirisine
translation of these words.
that helps us impose upon other people
sosyal çevremizdeki
Italian, French,
or transactional about those words.
Robert Cialdini says
iyiliklerimizin
the transaction a little bit more.
biraz daha vurgulamalıyız.
onun yerine
do the same for me.'"
benim için yapardın" deyin.
to not think in transactional ways,
to make it a little bit more invisible.
daha görünmez kılmak faydalıdır.
"You're welcome," means,
need to go through those formalities."
gerek yok" anlamına gelir.
is "Come back to me."
anlamındadır.
dediğinizde
eliminate the transaction
güçlendirebileceğinizi düşünün.
or "That's what friends are for."
''Dostlar bunun içindir.'' gibi.
you think about this ticket that you have
seyahat etme biletinizi
"Life is a journey." Right?
"Hayat bir seyahattir" değil mi?
some leave at different stops,
bazıları farklı duraklarda iniyor
it's a beautiful one.
güzel bir metafor.
a different metaphor.
düşünmenizi istiyorum.
being a passenger on that train,
bir trende bir yolcu olmak
yol alıyorsunuz.
şöyle düşünmüyorsunuz?
through the social universe.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Tanya Menon - Organizational psychologistTanya Menon speaks, writes and consults on collaboration. Her research focuses on how people think about their relationships and the habits that allow them to build positive connections with other people.
Why you should listen
Tanya Menon is fascinated that in a time when we can instantaneously connect with nearly the whole world, we often instead filter our relationships even more narrowly. As such, we often get stuck in dead ends, missing out on new people, ideas and opportunities. Menon and her collaborators have studied the often mundane feelings and innocuous daily habits that cause people to remain in their social comfort zone and produce this polarization. And they have also explored ways that we can be more intentional about navigating the social world.
Menon is Associate Professor at the Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business. Her research has been cited in the Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune and The Financial Times. She is Associate Editor at Management Science journal, an award-winning teacher, and she has done keynotes, consulting and training for organizations all over the world. Her book with Dr. Leigh Thompson, Stop Spending, Start Managing: Strategies to Transform Wasteful Habits (2016, Harvard Business Review Press) explores various social traps people face in business, and how to overcome them.
Menon earned a bachelor's degree in sociology from Harvard University in 1995 and her Ph.D. from the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Her goal as a researcher, educator, consultant and parent is to create new ways for people to connect with each other so that they can live richer and more creative lives. She hopes that her work will help people intentionally create new habits to live a wider life and also share them widely.
Tanya Menon | Speaker | TED.com