TEDxMtHood
Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection
Jia Jiang: Hvad jeg lærte af 100 dage med afvisninger
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Jia Jiang udforsker modigt et område, som mange af os frygter: afvisning. Ved at opsøge afvisninger i 100 dage -- fra at bede en fremmede om et lån på $100 til at bede om en "burger refill" på en restaurant -- desensibiliserer Jiang sig selv fra smerten og skammen, som afvisning ofte bringer med, og opdagede på samme måde at ved blot at bede om det, som man ønsker, så kan det åbne op for muligheder, hvor man istedet forventede at finde blindgyder.
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
When I was six years old,
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Da jeg var seks år gammel,
modtog jeg mine gaver.
00:14
I received my gifts.
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00:16
My first grade teacher
had this brilliant idea.
had this brilliant idea.
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Min lærer i første klasse
havde en strålende idé.
havde en strålende idé.
Hun ville have,
at vi modtog gaver,
at vi modtog gaver,
00:19
She wanted us to experience
receiving gifts
receiving gifts
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men også at vi skulle lære dyden
at komplimentere hinanden.
at komplimentere hinanden.
00:23
but also learning the virtue
of complimenting each other.
of complimenting each other.
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00:27
So she had all of us
come to the front of the classroom,
come to the front of the classroom,
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Så hun fik os alle sammen
til at stå foran klasseværelset,
til at stå foran klasseværelset,
og hun kom med gaver til os alle,
som hun stablede i hjørnet.
som hun stablede i hjørnet.
00:30
and she bought all of us gifts
and stacked them in the corner.
and stacked them in the corner.
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Og hun sagde,
00:33
And she said,
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"Skal vi ikke bare stå her
og komplimentere hinanden?
og komplimentere hinanden?
00:34
"Why don't we just stand here
and compliment each other?
and compliment each other?
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Hvis dit navn bliver kaldt,
00:37
If you hear your name called,
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må du gå over og hente din gave
og sætte dig ned."
og sætte dig ned."
00:39
go and pick up your gift and sit down."
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00:42
What a wonderful idea, right?
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Sikke en vidunderlig idé, ikke?
00:44
What could go wrong?
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Hvad kunne gå galt?
(Latter)
00:46
(Laughter)
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00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start with,
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Der var 40 af os til at starte med,
og hver gang jeg hørte
nogen blive kaldt på,
nogen blive kaldt på,
00:50
and every time I heard
someone's name called,
someone's name called,
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00:53
I would give out the heartiest cheer.
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kom jeg med den mest
hjertelige jubel.
hjertelige jubel.
00:55
And then there were 20 people left,
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Og så var der 20 personer tilbage,
og 10 personer tilbage,
00:57
and 10 people left,
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00:59
and five left ...
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og fem tilbage...
01:01
and three left.
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og tre tilbage.
Og jeg var en af dem.
01:03
And I was one of them.
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01:04
And the compliments stopped.
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Og komplimenterne stoppede.
01:07
Well, at that moment, I was crying.
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I det øjeblik græd jeg.
01:10
And the teacher was freaking out.
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Og læreren var ved at flippe ud.
01:12
She was like, "Hey, would anyone
say anything nice about these people?"
say anything nice about these people?"
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Hun sagde, "Hey, er der nogen, der vil
sige noget sødt om disse personer?"
sige noget sødt om disse personer?"
(Latter)
01:16
(Laughter)
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"Ingen? Okay, hvorfor tager I ikke
jeres gave og sætter jer ned?
jeres gave og sætter jer ned?
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you
go get your gift and sit down.
go get your gift and sit down.
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01:20
So behave next year --
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Opfør jer pænt næste år --
01:21
someone might say
something nice about you."
something nice about you."
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og nogen vil måske
sige noget sødt om jer."
sige noget sødt om jer."
01:24
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
01:26
Well, as I'm describing this you,
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Siden jeg beskriver
dette for jer,
dette for jer,
01:28
you probably know
I remember this really well.
I remember this really well.
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ved I sikkert, at jeg kan huske
det her ret godt.
det her ret godt.
01:30
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
01:32
But I don't know who felt worse that day.
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Jeg ved ikke hvem,
det var værst for den dag.
det var værst for den dag.
01:35
Was it me or the teacher?
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Var det mig eller læreren?
01:37
She must have realized
that she turned a team-building event
that she turned a team-building event
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Hun må have indset,
at hun gjorde en team-building øvelse
at hun gjorde en team-building øvelse
01:40
into a public roast
for three six-year-olds.
for three six-year-olds.
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til en offentlig udhængning
af tre seks-årige.
af tre seks-årige.
01:43
And without the humor.
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Og uden humoren.
01:45
You know, when you see
people get roasted on TV,
people get roasted on TV,
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Når man ser folk blive
hængt ud på TV,
hængt ud på TV,
01:47
it was funny.
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er det sjovt.
Der var ikke noget sjovt
ved den dag.
ved den dag.
01:48
There was nothing funny about that day.
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01:51
So that was one version of me,
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Så det var en version af mig,
01:54
and I would die to avoid
being in that situation again --
being in that situation again --
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og jeg ville dø for at undgå
at komme i sådan en situation igen --
at komme i sådan en situation igen --
01:57
to get rejected in public again.
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at blive afvist offentligt.
02:00
That's one version.
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Det er en version.
02:02
Then fast-forward eight years.
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Spol nu otte år frem i tiden.
02:04
Bill Gates came to my hometown --
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Bill Gates besøgte min hjemby --
02:06
Beijing, China --
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Beijing, Kina --
for at tale,
02:07
to speak,
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og jeg fangede hans budskab.
02:08
and I saw his message.
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02:10
I fell in love with that guy.
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Jeg blev forelsket i den fyr.
02:13
I thought, wow,
I know what I want to do now.
I know what I want to do now.
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Jeg tænkte, wow,
jeg ved, hvad jeg vil nu.
jeg ved, hvad jeg vil nu.
02:15
That night I wrote a letter to my family
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Den aften skrev jeg et brev
til min familie,
til min familie,
02:18
telling them: "By age 25,
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hvor jeg sagde:
"Inden jeg er 25,
"Inden jeg er 25,
02:20
I will build the biggest
company in the world,
company in the world,
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vil jeg bygge det største
firma i verden,
firma i verden,
02:23
and that company will buy Microsoft."
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og det firma vil opkøbe Microsoft."
02:25
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
02:26
I totally embraced this idea
of conquering the world --
of conquering the world --
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Jeg omfavnede hele idéen
om at erobre verden --
om at erobre verden --
herredømme, ikke?
02:29
domination, right?
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02:31
And I didn't make this up,
I did write that letter.
I did write that letter.
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Jeg fandt ikke på det her,
jeg skrev faktisk det brev.
jeg skrev faktisk det brev.
02:34
And here it is --
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Her er det --
02:35
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
02:37
You don't have to read this through --
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I behøver ikke læse det igennem --
02:39
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
Det er en dårlig håndskrift,
men jeg har fremhævet nogle nøgleord.
men jeg har fremhævet nogle nøgleord.
02:41
This is also bad handwriting,
but I did highlight some key words.
but I did highlight some key words.
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02:45
You get the idea.
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I forstår, hvad jeg mener.
02:46
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
02:48
So ...
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Så ...
02:51
that was another version of me:
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det var en anden version af mig:
02:53
one who will conquer the world.
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en, som ville erobre verden.
02:55
Well, then two years later,
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To år senere fik jeg muligheden for
at komme til USA.
at komme til USA.
02:57
I was presented with the opportunity
to come to the United States.
to come to the United States.
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03:01
I jumped on it,
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Jeg skyndte mig afsted,
fordi det var der,
Bill Gates boede, ikke?
Bill Gates boede, ikke?
03:03
because that was
where Bill Gates lived, right?
where Bill Gates lived, right?
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03:05
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
Jeg tænkte, at det var starten
på min entreprenør-rejse.
på min entreprenør-rejse.
03:06
I thought that was the start
of my entrepreneur journey.
of my entrepreneur journey.
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03:09
Then, fast-forward another 14 years.
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Spol nu endnu 14 år frem i tiden.
03:11
I was 30.
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Jeg var 30.
03:13
Nope, I didn't build that company.
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Nej, jeg havde ikke
bygget mit firma.
bygget mit firma.
03:15
I didn't even start.
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Jeg var ikke engang begyndt.
03:17
I was actually a marketing manager
for a Fortune 500 company.
for a Fortune 500 company.
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Jeg var faktisk marketing manager
for et Fortune 500 firma.
for et Fortune 500 firma.
03:21
And I felt I was stuck;
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Og jeg følte, at jeg sad fast.
03:23
I was stagnant.
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Jeg var stillestående.
03:25
Why is that?
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Hvorfor?
Hvor var den 14-årige,
der skrev det brev?
der skrev det brev?
03:26
Where is that 14-year-old
who wrote that letter?
who wrote that letter?
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03:29
It's not because he didn't try.
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Det var ikke fordi,
han ikke prøvede.
han ikke prøvede.
03:31
It's because every time I had a new idea,
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Det var fordi, hver gang
jeg havde en ny ide,
jeg havde en ny ide,
03:34
every time I wanted to try something new,
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hver gang jeg ville prøve noget nyt,
03:36
even at work --
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selv på jobbet --
03:37
I wanted to make a proposal,
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når jeg ville fremsætte et forslag,
03:39
I wanted to speak up
in front of people in a group --
in front of people in a group --
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eller snakke
foran en gruppe mennesker --
foran en gruppe mennesker --
følte jeg, at der var
en konstant kamp
en konstant kamp
03:43
I felt there was this constant battle
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mellem den 14-årige
og den seksårige.
og den seksårige.
03:45
between the 14-year-old
and the six-year-old.
and the six-year-old.
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03:47
One wanted to conquer the world --
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Den ene ville erobre verden --
03:50
make a difference --
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gøre en forskel --
den anden var bange for at blive afvist.
03:51
another was afraid of rejection.
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03:54
And every time that six-year-old won.
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Og hver gang vandt den seksårige.
03:57
And this fear even persisted
after I started my own company.
after I started my own company.
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Og denne frygt blev hos mig,
selv efter jeg startede mit eget firma.
selv efter jeg startede mit eget firma.
04:01
I mean, I started
my own company when I was 30 --
my own company when I was 30 --
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Jeg startede mit eget firma,
da jeg var 30 --
da jeg var 30 --
04:05
if you want to be Bill Gates,
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Vil man være Bill Gates,
skal man starte før eller senere, ikke?
skal man starte før eller senere, ikke?
04:06
you've got to start
sooner or later, right?
sooner or later, right?
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04:09
When I was an entrepreneur,
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Da jeg var entreprenør,
04:11
I was presented
with an investment opportunity,
with an investment opportunity,
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præsenterede jeg en
investeringsmulighed,
investeringsmulighed,
04:14
and then I was turned down.
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men jeg blev afvist.
04:17
And that rejection hurt me.
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Og den afvisning sårede mig.
04:18
It hurt me so bad
that I wanted to quit right there.
that I wanted to quit right there.
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Den sårede mig så slemt,
at jeg ville stoppe lige der.
at jeg ville stoppe lige der.
04:23
But then I thought,
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Men så tænkte jeg,
04:24
hey, would Bill Gates quit
after a simple investment rejection?
after a simple investment rejection?
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ville Bill Gates stoppe efter
en enkelt investeringsafvisning?
en enkelt investeringsafvisning?
04:29
Would any successful
entrepreneur quit like that?
entrepreneur quit like that?
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Ville en hvilken som helst entreprenør
stoppe bare sådan?
stoppe bare sådan?
04:31
No way.
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Nej.
04:33
And this is where it clicked for me.
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Og det er her,
det faldt på plads for mig.
det faldt på plads for mig.
04:35
OK, I can build a better company.
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Okay, jeg kan bygge et bedre firma.
04:37
I can build a better
team or better product,
team or better product,
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Jeg kan danne et bedre team eller produkt,
04:39
but one thing for sure:
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men en ting er sikker:
jeg er nødt til
at være en bedre leder.
at være en bedre leder.
04:40
I've got to be a better leader.
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04:42
I've got to be a better person.
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Jeg er nødt til
at være en bedre person.
at være en bedre person.
04:44
I cannot let that six-year-old
keep dictating my life anymore.
keep dictating my life anymore.
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Jeg kan ikke lade den seksårige
blive ved med at diktere mit liv.
blive ved med at diktere mit liv.
04:48
I have to put him back in his place.
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Jeg bliver nødt til at sætte ham på plads.
04:51
So this is where I went online
and looked for help.
and looked for help.
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Det er her, jeg gik online
for at få hjælp.
for at få hjælp.
Google var min ven.
04:53
Google was my friend.
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(Latter)
04:54
(Laughter)
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Jeg googlede, "Hvordan overkommer jeg
min frygt for at blive afvist?"
min frygt for at blive afvist?"
04:55
I searched, "How do I overcome
the fear of rejection?"
the fear of rejection?"
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04:59
I came up with a bunch
of psychology articles
of psychology articles
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Jeg fandt en del psykologiartikler
omkring hvor frygt
og smerte kommer fra.
og smerte kommer fra.
05:01
about where the fear
and pain are coming from.
and pain are coming from.
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05:04
Then I came up with a bunch
of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
of "rah-rah" inspirational articles
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Så fandt jeg en del "rah-rah"
inspirationsartikler
inspirationsartikler
05:08
about "Don't take it personally,
just overcome it."
just overcome it."
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omkring "tag det ikke personligt,
bare overkom det."
bare overkom det."
05:11
Who doesn't know that?
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Hvem ved ikke det?
(Latter)
05:12
(Laughter)
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05:14
But why was I still so scared?
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Men hvorfor var jeg stadig så bange?
05:16
Then I found this website by luck.
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Så fandt jeg denne
hjemmeside ved et held.
hjemmeside ved et held.
05:18
It's called rejectiontherapy.com.
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Den hedder rejectiontherapy.com.
(Latter)
05:21
(Laughter)
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05:23
"Rejection Therapy" was this game
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
invented by this Canadian entrepreneur.
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"Rejection Therapy" var et spil
opfundet af en canadisk entreprenør.
opfundet af en canadisk entreprenør.
Hans navn var Jason Comely.
05:27
His name is Jason Comely.
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05:29
And basically the idea is for 30 days
you go out and look for rejection,
you go out and look for rejection,
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Og grundlæggende er idéen, at man
i 30 dage skal lede efter afvisning,
i 30 dage skal lede efter afvisning,
05:34
and every day get rejected at something,
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og hver dag skal man afvises,
05:36
and then by the end,
you desensitize yourself from the pain.
you desensitize yourself from the pain.
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og til sidst skal man
desensibilisere sig selv fra smerten.
desensibilisere sig selv fra smerten.
05:41
And I loved that idea.
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Og jeg elskede idéen.
05:43
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
05:44
I said, "You know what?
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do this.
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Jeg sagde, "Ved du hvad?
Jeg vil gøre det.
Jeg vil gøre det.
05:46
And I'll feel myself
getting rejected 100 days."
getting rejected 100 days."
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Og jeg vil mærke mig selv
blive afvist 100 dage."
blive afvist 100 dage."
05:49
And I came up with my own rejection ideas,
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Jeg fandt på mine egne
afvisningsidéer,
afvisningsidéer,
05:52
and I made a video blog out of it.
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og jeg lavede en videoblog ud af det.
05:55
And so here's what I did.
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Så her er, hvad jeg gjorde.
05:57
This is what the blog looked like.
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Det her er sådan,
bloggen så ud.
bloggen så ud.
06:00
Day One ...
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Dag 1 ...
06:02
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
At låne 100 dollar fra en fremmed.
06:03
Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger.
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06:07
So this is where I went
to where I was working.
to where I was working.
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Det var her, jeg tog hen
til det sted, hvor jeg arbejdede.
til det sted, hvor jeg arbejdede.
06:10
I came downstairs
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Jeg kom nedenunder,
06:12
and I saw this big guy
sitting behind a desk.
sitting behind a desk.
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og jeg så en store fyr
bag ved et skrivebord.
bag ved et skrivebord.
06:14
He looked like a security guard.
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Han lignede en sikkerhedsvagt.
06:16
So I just approached him.
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Jeg nærmede mig ham.
06:17
And I was just walking
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Jeg gik bare,
06:19
and that was the longest
walk of my life --
walk of my life --
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og det var den længste
tur i mit liv --
tur i mit liv --
06:22
hair on the back
of my neck standing up,
of my neck standing up,
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hårene i nakken rejste sig,
06:24
I was sweating and my heart was pounding.
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jeg svedte,
og mit hjerte bankede.
og mit hjerte bankede.
06:26
And I got there and said,
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Jeg kom derhen og sagde,
06:27
"Hey, sir, can I borrow
100 dollars from you?"
100 dollars from you?"
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"Hey, herre, kan jeg låne
100 dollars af dig?"
100 dollars af dig?"
06:30
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:31
And he looked up, he's like, "No."
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Han kiggede op
og sagde, "Nej."
og sagde, "Nej."
06:34
"Why?"
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1200
"Hvorfor?"
06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry."
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Og jeg sagde bare, "Nej? Jeg beklager."
06:38
Then I turned around,
and I just ran.
and I just ran.
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Så vendte jeg mig om og løb.
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:43
I felt so embarrassed.
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Jeg var så pinlig berørt.
06:44
But because I filmed myself --
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Men jeg filmede mig selv,
06:46
so that night I was watching
myself getting rejected,
myself getting rejected,
168
394200
3136
og den aften så jeg mig
selv blive afvist,
selv blive afvist,
06:49
I just saw how scared I was.
169
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jeg så bare,
hvor bange jeg var.
hvor bange jeg var.
06:51
I looked like this kid
in "The Sixth Sense."
in "The Sixth Sense."
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Jeg lignede drengen fra
"Den sjette sans."
"Den sjette sans."
06:54
I saw dead people.
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Jeg så døde mennesker.
06:55
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
06:57
But then I saw this guy.
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Men så kiggede jeg på fyren.
06:58
You know, he wasn't that menacing.
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Og han var ikke særlig truende.
07:00
He was a chubby, loveable guy,
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Han var en buttet, elskværdig fyr,
07:03
and he even asked me, "Why?"
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og han spurgte mig endda, "Hvorfor?"
Han inviterede mig faktisk
til at forklare mig selv.
til at forklare mig selv.
07:06
In fact, he invited me to explain myself.
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Jeg kunne have sagt mange ting.
07:08
And I could've said many things.
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Jeg kunne have forklaret,
jeg kunne have forhandlet.
jeg kunne have forhandlet.
07:10
I could've explained,
I could've negotiated.
I could've negotiated.
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Jeg gjorde ikke noget af det.
07:12
I didn't do any of that.
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1440
07:14
All I did was run.
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1520
Det eneste jeg gjorde var at løbe.
07:17
I felt, wow, this is like
the microcosm of my life.
the microcosm of my life.
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3160
Jeg følte, at det her
var mit livs mikrokosmos.
var mit livs mikrokosmos.
07:21
Every time I felt the slightest rejection,
183
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2536
Hver gang jeg følte den
mindste smule afvisning,
mindste smule afvisning,
07:23
I would just run as fast as I could.
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2136
ville jeg løbe så hurtigt, jeg kunne.
07:25
And you know what?
185
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Og ved I hvad?
Den næste dag,
uanset hvad der sker,
uanset hvad der sker,
07:27
The next day, no matter what happens,
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så vil jeg ikke løbe.
07:28
I'm not going to run.
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1496
Jeg vil blive i situationen.
07:30
I'll stay engaged.
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1200
07:32
Day Two: Request a "burger refill."
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Dag 2: Bede om en "burger refill."
(Latter)
07:34
(Laughter)
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442160
1976
Jeg tog til et burgersted,
07:36
It's when I went to a burger joint,
191
444160
2296
spiste min frokost
og gik op til ekspedienten og sagde,
og gik op til ekspedienten og sagde,
07:38
I finished lunch,
and I went to the cashier and said,
and I went to the cashier and said,
192
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2496
"Hej, kan jeg få en burger refill?"
07:41
"Hi, can I get a burger refill?"
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1576
(Latter)
07:42
(Laughter)
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2176
Han var helt forvirret,
"Hvad er en burger refill?"
"Hvad er en burger refill?"
07:44
He was all confused,
like, "What's a burger refill?"
like, "What's a burger refill?"
195
452800
2456
(Latter)
07:47
(Laughter)
196
455280
1256
Jeg sagde, "Det er ligesom
en sodavands refill, men med en burger."
en sodavands refill, men med en burger."
07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like
a drink refill but with a burger."
a drink refill but with a burger."
197
456560
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Og han sagde,
"Beklager, vi har ikke burger refill."
"Beklager, vi har ikke burger refill."
07:52
And he said, "Sorry,
we don't do burger refill, man."
we don't do burger refill, man."
198
460240
2496
(Latter)
07:54
(Laughter)
199
462760
1336
Det var her, afvisningen skete,
og jeg kunne være løbet, men jeg blev.
og jeg kunne være løbet, men jeg blev.
07:56
So this is where rejection happened
and I could have run, but I stayed.
and I could have run, but I stayed.
200
464120
4056
Jeg sagde, "Jeg elsker jeres burgere,
08:00
I said, "Well, I love your burgers,
201
468200
2136
og jeg elsker det her sted,
08:02
I love your joint,
202
470360
1416
og hvis I havde en burger refill,
08:03
and if you guys do a burger refill,
203
471800
2096
så elsker jeg jer endnu mere."
08:06
I will love you guys more."
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473920
1336
(Latter)
08:07
(Laughter)
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475280
1256
Og han sagde, "Altså, okay,
jeg vil sige det til min manager,
jeg vil sige det til min manager,
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK,
I'll tell my manager about it,
I'll tell my manager about it,
206
476560
2616
og måske vil vi, men beklager,
i dag kan vi ikke gøre det."
i dag kan vi ikke gøre det."
08:11
and maybe we'll do it,
but sorry, we can't do this today."
but sorry, we can't do this today."
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479200
2976
Så gik jeg.
08:14
Then I left.
208
482200
1416
Og forresten,
08:15
And by the way,
209
483640
1856
tror jeg ikke,
de har lavet burger refill.
de har lavet burger refill.
08:17
I don't think they've
ever done burger refill.
ever done burger refill.
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(Latter)
08:19
(Laughter)
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1216
Jeg tror stadig, de er der.
08:21
I think they're still there.
212
489040
1560
08:23
But the life and death feeling
I was feeling the first time
I was feeling the first time
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491160
3296
Men den der liv-og-død følelse,
som jeg havde den første gang,
som jeg havde den første gang,
var der ikke længere,
08:26
was no longer there,
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494480
1336
bare fordi jeg blev i situationen --
08:27
just because I stayed engaged --
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495840
1736
fordi jeg ikke løb.
08:29
because I didn't run.
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497600
1616
Jeg sagde, "Wow, fedt,
jeg lærer allerede noget.
jeg lærer allerede noget.
08:31
I said, "Wow, great,
I'm already learning things.
I'm already learning things.
217
499240
2360
Fedt. Og så dag 3:
At få en olympisk donut.
At få en olympisk donut.
08:34
Great."
218
502520
1216
08:35
And then Day Three:
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
Getting Olympic Doughnuts.
219
503760
2200
08:38
This is where my life
was turned upside down.
was turned upside down.
220
506760
2520
Det er her, mit liv
blev vendt op og ned.
blev vendt op og ned.
08:42
I went to a Krispy Kreme.
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510120
1616
Jeg tog hen til en Krispy Kreme.
Det er en donutbutik,
08:43
It's a doughnut shop
222
511760
1216
der hovedsageligt findes i
det sydøstlige USA.
det sydøstlige USA.
08:45
in mainly the Southeastern part
of the United States.
of the United States.
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513000
2616
Jeg er sikker på,
der også er nogen her.
der også er nogen her.
08:47
I'm sure they have some here, too.
224
515640
1856
Og jeg gik ind,
08:49
And I went in,
225
517520
1255
jeg sagde, "Kan I lave donuts,
der ligner det olympiske symbol?
der ligner det olympiske symbol?
08:50
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts
that look like Olympic symbols?
that look like Olympic symbols?
226
518799
3137
Det er grundlæggende fem donuts,
der hænger sammen ..."
der hænger sammen ..."
08:54
Basically, you interlink
five doughnuts together ... "
five doughnuts together ... "
227
521960
2896
Jeg mener, de ville på ingen måde
sige ja, vel?
sige ja, vel?
08:56
I mean there's no way
they could say yes, right?
they could say yes, right?
228
524880
2240
08:59
The doughnut maker took me so seriously.
229
527640
2376
Hende, der lavede donuts,
tog mig så alvorligt.
tog mig så alvorligt.
(Latter)
09:02
(Laughter)
230
530040
1216
Så hun fandt papir frem
09:03
So she put out paper,
231
531280
1216
og begyndte at tegne
farverne og ringene,
farverne og ringene,
09:04
started jotting down
the colors and the rings,
the colors and the rings,
232
532520
2176
og var sådan, "Hvordan kan
jeg lave dette?"
jeg lave dette?"
09:06
and is like, "How can I make this?"
233
534720
2016
Og 15 minutter senere,
09:08
And then 15 minutes later,
234
536760
1896
kom hun ud med en æske,
der lignede de olympiske ringe.
der lignede de olympiske ringe.
09:10
she came out with a box
that looked like Olympic rings.
that looked like Olympic rings.
235
538680
3416
Jeg blev så rørt.
09:14
And I was so touched.
236
542120
1656
Jeg kunne simpelthen ikke tro det.
09:15
I just couldn't believe it.
237
543800
2136
Den video fik over
fem millioner views på Youtube.
fem millioner views på Youtube.
09:18
And that video got
over five million views on Youtube.
over five million views on Youtube.
238
545960
3760
09:22
The world couldn't believe that either.
239
550440
2096
Verden kunne heller ikke tro det.
(Latter)
09:24
(Laughter)
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552560
1520
09:27
You know, because of that
I was in newspapers,
I was in newspapers,
241
555440
3216
På grund af det kom
jeg i aviserne,
jeg i aviserne,
jeg var i talkshows, i alt.
09:30
in talk shows, in everything.
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558680
1416
Og jeg blev berømt.
09:32
And I became famous.
243
560120
1496
Mange mennesker begyndte
at skrive til mig
at skrive til mig
09:33
A lot of people
started writing emails to me
started writing emails to me
244
561640
2136
og sagde, "Det, du gør, er sejt."
09:35
and saying, "What you're
doing is awesome."
doing is awesome."
245
563800
2536
Men berømmelse gjorde ikke noget for mig.
09:38
But you know, fame and notoriety
did not do anything to me.
did not do anything to me.
246
566360
3536
Det, jeg virkelig ville, var at lære,
09:42
What I really wanted to do was learn,
247
569920
1816
og ændre mig selv.
09:43
and to change myself,
248
571760
1216
Så jeg gjorde resten af
de 100 dages afvisning
de 100 dages afvisning
09:45
so I turned the rest
of my 100 days of rejection
of my 100 days of rejection
249
573000
2616
til en legeplads --
09:47
into this playground --
250
575640
1896
til et forskningsprojekt.
09:49
into this research project.
251
577560
2136
Jeg ville se,
hvad jeg kunne lære.
hvad jeg kunne lære.
09:51
I wanted to see what I could learn.
252
579720
2080
09:54
And then I learned a lot of things.
253
582240
1776
Og jeg lærte en masse ting.
Jeg fandt så mange hemmeligheder.
09:56
I discovered so many secrets.
254
584040
1576
For eksempel fandt jeg ud af,
at hvis jeg bare ikke løber,
at hvis jeg bare ikke løber,
09:57
For example, I found if I just don't run,
255
585640
2896
hvis jeg blev afvist
10:00
if I got rejected,
256
588560
1256
så kunne jeg forvandle
et "nej" til et "ja",
et "nej" til et "ja",
10:01
I could actually turn a "no" into a "yes,"
257
589840
2056
og det magiske ord er "hvorfor."
10:04
and the magic word is, "why."
258
591920
1616
En dag tog jeg hen til en fremmeds hus,
jeg havde en blomst i min hånd,
jeg havde en blomst i min hånd,
10:05
So one day I went to a stranger's house,
I had this flower in my hand,
I had this flower in my hand,
259
593560
4096
bankede på og sagde,
10:09
knocked on the door and said,
260
597680
1416
"Hej, kan jeg plante denne blomst
i din baghave?"
i din baghave?"
10:11
"Hey, can I plant this flower
in your backyard?"
in your backyard?"
261
599120
2256
(Latter)
10:13
(Laughter)
262
601400
1536
Og han sagde, "Nej."
10:15
And he said, "No."
263
602960
1720
10:17
But before he could leave I said,
264
605640
1736
Men før han gik, sagde jeg,
"Hey, må jeg vide hvorfor?"
10:19
"Hey, can I know why?"
265
607400
1936
Og han sagde,
"Altså jeg har en hund,
"Altså jeg har en hund,
10:21
And he said, "Well, I have this dog
266
609360
3056
som graver alt op,
jeg planter i baghaven.
jeg planter i baghaven.
10:24
that would dig up
anything I put in the backyard.
anything I put in the backyard.
267
612440
2336
Jeg vil ikke spilde din blomst.
10:26
I don't want to waste your flower.
268
614800
1656
Du kan gå over på
den anden side af gaden til Connie.
den anden side af gaden til Connie.
10:28
If you want to do this,
go across the street and talk to Connie.
go across the street and talk to Connie.
269
616480
3176
Hun elsker blomster."
10:31
She loves flowers."
270
619680
1216
Så det gjorde jeg.
10:33
So that's what I did.
271
620920
1216
Jeg gik over og bankede på Connies dør.
10:34
I went across and knocked
on Connie's door.
on Connie's door.
272
622160
2056
Og hun var så glad for at se mig.
10:36
And she was so happy to see me.
273
624240
1856
(Latter)
10:38
(Laughter)
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626120
1696
Og en halv time senere
10:39
And then half an hour later,
275
627840
1376
var der en blomst i
Connies baghave.
Connies baghave.
10:41
there was this flower
in Connie's backyard.
in Connie's backyard.
276
629240
2056
Jeg er sikker på,
at den ser bedre ud nu.
at den ser bedre ud nu.
10:43
I'm sure it looks better now.
277
631320
1416
(Latter)
10:44
(Laughter)
278
632760
1296
Hvis jeg var gået efter
den første afvisning,
den første afvisning,
10:46
But had I left
after the initial rejection,
after the initial rejection,
279
634080
2936
ville jeg have tænkt,
10:49
I would've thought,
280
637040
1216
at det var fordi,
fyren ikke stolede på mig,
fyren ikke stolede på mig,
10:50
well, it's because
the guy didn't trust me,
the guy didn't trust me,
281
638280
2056
fordi at jeg var skør,
10:52
it's because I was crazy,
282
640360
1216
fordi jeg ikke så godt nok ud.
10:53
because I didn't dress up well,
I didn't look good.
I didn't look good.
283
641600
2416
Det var ikke derfor.
10:56
It was none of those.
284
644040
1216
Det var fordi, det jeg tilbød,
ikke passede til det, han manglede.
ikke passede til det, han manglede.
10:57
It was because what I offered
did not fit what he wanted.
did not fit what he wanted.
285
645280
2696
Og han stolede nok på mig
til at henvise mig,
til at henvise mig,
11:00
And he trusted me enough
to offer me a referral,
to offer me a referral,
286
648000
2256
for at bruge en salgsterm.
11:02
using a sales term.
287
650280
1656
Jeg benyttede en henvisning.
11:04
I converted a referral.
288
651960
1520
11:06
Then one day --
289
654560
1216
Så, en dag --
jeg lærte også, at jeg kan
sige visse ting
sige visse ting
11:07
and I also learned that I can
actually say certain things
actually say certain things
290
655800
2896
og maksimere min chance
for at få et ja.
for at få et ja.
11:10
and maximize my chance to get a yes.
291
658720
1936
For eksempel gik jeg
en dag ind på en Starbucks
en dag ind på en Starbucks
11:12
So for example,
one day I went to a Starbucks,
one day I went to a Starbucks,
292
660680
2216
og spurgte manageren,
"Hej, må jeg være en Starbucks-hilser?"
"Hej, må jeg være en Starbucks-hilser?"
11:15
and asked the manager,
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?"
293
662920
3576
Han spurgte,
"Hvad er en Starbucks-hilser?"
"Hvad er en Starbucks-hilser?"
11:18
He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"
294
666520
2376
Jeg sagde,
"Kender du Walmart-hilsnere?
"Kender du Walmart-hilsnere?
11:21
I said, "Do you know
those Walmart greeters?
those Walmart greeters?
295
668920
2096
Du ved, dem der siger "hej" til dig,
før du går ind i forretningen,
før du går ind i forretningen,
11:23
You know, those people who say
'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
'hi' to you before you walk in the store,
296
671040
3416
og som sørger for,
at du ikke stjæler noget?
at du ikke stjæler noget?
11:26
and make sure you
don't steal stuff, basically?
don't steal stuff, basically?
297
674480
2216
Jeg vil give en Walmart-oplevelse
til Starbucks kunder."
til Starbucks kunder."
11:28
I want to give a Walmart experience
to Starbucks customers."
to Starbucks customers."
298
676720
3136
(Latter)
11:31
(Laughter)
299
679880
1456
Jeg er faktisk ikke sikker på,
at det var en god ting --
at det var en god ting --
11:33
Well, I'm not sure
that's a good thing, actually --
that's a good thing, actually --
300
681360
3000
11:37
Actually, I'm pretty sure
it's a bad thing.
it's a bad thing.
301
685600
2496
Faktisk er jeg sikker på,
at det er en dårlig ting.
at det er en dårlig ting.
Han sagde, "Åh" --
11:40
And he was like, "Oh" --
302
688120
2056
ja, han ser sådan ud,
hans navn er Eric --
hans navn er Eric --
11:42
yeah, this is how he looked,
his name is Eric --
his name is Eric --
303
690200
2256
og han sagde,
"Jeg ved ikke."
"Jeg ved ikke."
11:44
and he was like, "I'm not sure."
304
692480
1576
Det var sådan, han hørte mig.
"Ikke sikker."
"Ikke sikker."
11:46
This is how he was hearing me. "Not sure."
305
694080
2056
Så spurgte jeg ham,
"Er det sært?"
"Er det sært?"
11:48
Then I ask him, "Is that weird?"
306
696160
1656
Han sagde,
"Ja, det er virkeligt sært."
"Ja, det er virkeligt sært."
11:49
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man."
307
697840
2040
11:52
But as soon as he said that,
his whole demeanor changed.
his whole demeanor changed.
308
700800
2856
Men så snart han sagde det,
ændrede hele hans attitude sig.
ændrede hele hans attitude sig.
Det var som om,
han smed al tvivlen på jorden.
han smed al tvivlen på jorden.
11:55
It's as if he's putting
all the doubt on the floor.
all the doubt on the floor.
309
703680
2936
Og han sagde, "Du kan gøre det,
11:58
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
310
706640
1736
men bliv ikke for sær."
12:00
just don't get too weird."
311
708400
1256
(Latter)
12:01
(Laughter)
312
709680
1416
Så den næste time
var jeg Starbucks-hilsneren.
var jeg Starbucks-hilsneren.
12:03
So for the next hour
I was the Starbucks greeter.
I was the Starbucks greeter.
313
711120
2376
Jeg sagde "Hej" til alle dem, der kom ind,
12:05
I said "hi" to every customer
that walked in,
that walked in,
314
713520
2136
og gav dem helligdagshilsner.
12:07
and gave them holiday cheers.
315
715680
2376
Forresten, jeg kender kke,
jeres karriereplaner,
jeres karriereplaner,
12:10
By the way, I don't know
what your career trajectory is,
what your career trajectory is,
316
718080
2656
men bliv ikke en hilser.
12:12
don't be a greeter.
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(Latter)
12:14
(Laughter)
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Det var virkelig kedeligt.
12:15
It was really boring.
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12:17
But then I found I could do this
because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
because I mentioned, "Is that weird?"
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Men jeg fandt ud af, jeg kunne gøre det,
fordi jeg spurgte, "Er det sært?"
fordi jeg spurgte, "Er det sært?"
12:22
I mentioned the doubt that he was having.
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Jeg omtalte den tvivl, han havde.
12:24
And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?",
that means I wasn't weird.
that means I wasn't weird.
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Og fordi jeg spurgte, "Er det sært?",
betød det, at jeg ikke var sær.
betød det, at jeg ikke var sær.
Det betød, at jeg tænkte
præcis ligesom ham,
præcis ligesom ham,
12:27
That means I was actually
thinking just like him,
thinking just like him,
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jeg betragtede det
som en sær ting.
som en sær ting.
12:30
seeing this as a weird thing.
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Og igen og igen lærte jeg,
12:32
And again, and again,
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12:34
I learned that if I mention
some doubt people might have
some doubt people might have
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at hvis jeg omtaler den tvivl,
nogle mennesker måske har,
nogle mennesker måske har,
før jeg stiller spørgsmålet,
12:37
before I ask the question,
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så vinder jeg deres tillid.
12:39
I gained their trust.
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Folk var mere tilbøjelige til at sige ja.
12:40
People were more likely to say yes to me.
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12:42
And then I learned
I could fulfill my life dream ...
I could fulfill my life dream ...
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Jeg lærte, at jeg kunne
opnå min livsdrøm ...
opnå min livsdrøm ...
ved at spørge.
12:46
by asking.
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Jeg kommer fra fire
generationer af lærere,
generationer af lærere,
12:47
You know, I came
from four generations of teachers,
from four generations of teachers,
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og min bedstemor har
altid sagt til mig,
altid sagt til mig,
12:50
and my grandma has always told me,
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"Jia, du kan gøre, lige hvad du vil,
12:53
"Hey Jia, you can do anything you want,
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men det ville være skønt,
hvis du blev lærer."
hvis du blev lærer."
12:55
but it'd be great
if you became a teacher."
if you became a teacher."
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(Latter)
12:58
(Laughter)
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Men jeg ville være en entreprenør.
12:59
But I wanted to be
an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
an entrepreneur, so I didn't.
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Men det har altid været min drøm
rent faktisk at undervise i noget.
rent faktisk at undervise i noget.
13:01
But it has always been my dream
to actually teach something.
to actually teach something.
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Så jeg sagde,
"Hvad hvis jeg spørger
"Hvad hvis jeg spørger
13:05
So I said, "What if I just ask
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og underviser en klasse?"
13:07
and teach a college class?"
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Dengang boede jeg i Austin,
13:09
I lived in Austin at the time,
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så jeg tog til University of Texas,
13:11
so I went to University
of Texas at Austin,
of Texas at Austin,
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og bankede på professorernes døre
og spurgte, "Må jeg undervise din klasse?"
og spurgte, "Må jeg undervise din klasse?"
13:13
and knocked on professors' doors
and said, "Can I teach your class?"
and said, "Can I teach your class?"
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Jeg kom ikke nogen vegne
de første par gange.
de første par gange.
13:16
I didn't get anywhere
the first couple of times.
the first couple of times.
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Men jeg løb ikke --
jeg blev ved med at prøve --
jeg blev ved med at prøve --
13:18
But because I didn't run --
I kept doing it --
I kept doing it --
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og på tredje forsøg blev
professoren meget imponeret.
professoren meget imponeret.
13:21
and on the third try
the professor was very impressed.
the professor was very impressed.
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Han sagde,
"Ingen har gjort dette før."
"Ingen har gjort dette før."
13:24
He was like, "No one
has done this before."
has done this before."
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Jeg kom ind forberedt med
powerpoints og min lektion.
powerpoints og min lektion.
13:26
And I came in prepared
with powerpoints and my lesson.
with powerpoints and my lesson.
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Han sagde,
"Wow, jeg kan bruge det her.
"Wow, jeg kan bruge det her.
13:30
He said, "Wow, I can use this.
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Kan du ikke komme igen om to måneder?
Så passer jeg det ind i pensum."
Så passer jeg det ind i pensum."
13:33
Why don't you come back in two months?
I'll fit you in my curriculum."
I'll fit you in my curriculum."
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Og to måneder senere
underviste jeg en klasse.
underviste jeg en klasse.
13:36
And two months later
I was teaching a class.
I was teaching a class.
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Det er mig -- det kan være svært at se,
det er et dårligt billede.
det er et dårligt billede.
13:38
This is me -- you probably can't see,
this is a bad picture.
this is a bad picture.
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Nogle gange bliver man
afvist af belysning.
afvist af belysning.
13:41
You know, sometimes you get
rejected by lighting, you know?
rejected by lighting, you know?
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(Latter)
13:44
(Laughter)
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13:46
But wow --
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Men, wow --
da jeg afsluttede undervisningen,
gik jeg grædende ud,
gik jeg grædende ud,
13:48
when I finished teaching that class,
I walked out crying,
I walked out crying,
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fordi jeg tænkte,
13:50
because I thought
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at jeg kunne opnå min livsdrøm
ved simpelthen bare at spørge.
ved simpelthen bare at spørge.
13:52
I could fulfill my life dream
just by simply asking.
just by simply asking.
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Jeg plejede at tænke,
jeg skulle opnå alle mulige ting --
jeg skulle opnå alle mulige ting --
13:55
I used to think I have to accomplish
all these things --
all these things --
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være en god entreprenør
eller få en PhD for at undervise --
eller få en PhD for at undervise --
13:58
have to be a great entrepreneur,
or get a PhD to teach --
or get a PhD to teach --
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men nej, jeg spurgte bare,
14:02
but no, I just asked,
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og så underviste jeg.
14:03
and I could teach.
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14:05
And in that picture --
which you can't see --
which you can't see --
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Og på det billede,
som I ikke kan se,
som I ikke kan se,
citerede jeg Martin Luther King, Jr.
14:07
I quoted Martin Luther King Jr.
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Hvorfor? Fordi i min forskning fandt jeg,
at de mennesker som ændrer verden,
at de mennesker som ændrer verden,
14:11
Why? Because in my research I found
that people who really change the world,
that people who really change the world,
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som ændrer vores levemåde,
og den måde vi tænker på,
og den måde vi tænker på,
14:15
who change the way we live
and the way we think,
and the way we think,
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er de mennesker, som blev mødt af
umiddelbar og ofte voldelige afvisninger.
umiddelbar og ofte voldelige afvisninger.
14:18
are the people who were met
with initial and often violent rejections.
with initial and often violent rejections.
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Mennesker som
Martin Luther King, Jr.,
Martin Luther King, Jr.,
14:22
People like Martin Luther King Jr.,
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Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
14:24
like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela,
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endda Jesus Kristus.
14:27
or even Jesus Christ.
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De mennesker lod ikke
afvisninger definere dem.
afvisninger definere dem.
14:28
These people did not
let rejection define them.
let rejection define them.
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De lod deres egen reaktion efter en
afvisning definere dem selv.
afvisning definere dem selv.
14:31
They let their own reaction
after rejection define themselves.
after rejection define themselves.
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14:37
And they embraced rejection.
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Og de omfavnede afvisning.
14:39
And we don't have to be those people
to learn about rejection,
to learn about rejection,
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Vi behøves ikke være de mennesker
for at lære om afvisning,
for at lære om afvisning,
og i mit tilfælde
14:42
but in my case,
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var afvisning min forbandelse,
14:43
rejection was my curse --
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det var mit monster.
14:46
was my boogeyman.
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Det har generet mig hele mit liv,
fordi jeg prøvede at løbe væk fra det.
fordi jeg prøvede at løbe væk fra det.
14:47
It has bothered me my whole life
because I was running away from it.
because I was running away from it.
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Så begyndte jeg at omfavne det.
14:51
Then I started embracing it.
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14:53
I turned that into
the biggest gift in my life.
the biggest gift in my life.
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Jeg gjorde det til den
største gave i mit liv.
største gave i mit liv.
14:57
I started teaching people
how to turn rejections into opportunities.
how to turn rejections into opportunities.
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Jeg begyndte at undervise folk i,
hvordan afvisninger bliver til muligheder.
hvordan afvisninger bliver til muligheder.
Jeg bruger min blog, jeg bruger taler,
15:01
I use my blog, I use my talk,
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jeg bruger bogen, jeg lige har udgivet,
15:03
I use the book I just published,
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og jeg bygger endda teknologi til at hjælpe
folk med at overkomme deres frygt for afvisning.
folk med at overkomme deres frygt for afvisning.
15:05
and I'm even using technology to help
people overcome their fear of rejection.
people overcome their fear of rejection.
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15:12
When you get rejected in life,
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Når du bliver afvist i livet,
når du står over for den næste udfordring
15:14
when you are facing the next obstacle,
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eller den næste fiasko,
15:16
or next failure,
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så overvej mulighederne.
15:18
consider the possibilities.
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Løb ikke.
15:20
Don't run.
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Hvis du bare omfavner dem,
15:21
If you just embrace them,
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kan de måske også blive dine gaver.
15:22
they might become your gifts as well.
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15:25
Thank you.
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Tak.
(Bifald)
15:26
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneurJia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.
Why you should listen
Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.
Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.
To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.
Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com