ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.

Why you should listen

Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.

Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.

To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.

Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.

More profile about the speaker
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxMtHood

Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection

蒋甲: 我从“被拒100天”学到的

Filmed:
6,040,624 views

蒋甲勇敢地探索很多人都害怕的领域——拒绝。通过在100天里寻求拒绝，从向陌生人借100美金到在餐馆请求“汉堡续杯”，蒋甲化解拒绝带来的痛苦和羞耻，并在这个过程中发现，只要开口请求你想要的，就可能绝处逢生。
- Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
When I was six六 years年份 old旧,
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当我6岁的时候，
00:14
I received收到 my gifts礼品.
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我收到了份礼物。
00:16
My first grade年级 teacher老师
had this brilliant辉煌 idea理念.
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我一年级的老师有一个很棒的主意。
00:19
She wanted us to experience经验
receiving接收 gifts礼品
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她想让我们在接受礼物的同时
00:23
but also也 learning学习 the virtue美德
of complimenting称赞 each每 other.
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还能学习如何表扬他人。
00:27
So she had all of us
come to the front面前 of the classroom课堂,
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所以她让我们走到教室前面，
00:30
and she bought买 all of us gifts礼品
and stacked堆叠 them in the corner角.
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她给我们每个人带了礼物，堆在墙角。
00:33
And she said,
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然后她说：“让我们在这里互相表扬吧。
00:34
"Why don't we just stand站 here
and compliment赞扬 each每 other?
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00:37
If you hear听 your name名称 called叫,
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如果你听到有谁表扬你，
00:39
go and pick挑 up your gift礼品 and sit坐 down."
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就去拿一份礼物然后回座位。”
00:42
What a wonderful精彩 idea理念, right?
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多棒的主意，对吗？
00:44
What could go wrong错误?
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能出什么差错呢？
00:46
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start开始 with,
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我们一共有40个孩子，
00:50
and every一切 time I heard听说
someone's谁家 name名称 called叫,
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每一次别人被叫到名字，
00:53
I would give out the heartiest衷心 cheer欢呼.
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我都会很高兴的叫好。
00:55
And then there were 20 people left,
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然后剩下20个人，
00:57
and 10 people left,
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然后10个人，
00:59
and five五 left ...
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5个人……
01:01
and three三 left.
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最后剩下了3个人。
01:03
And I was one of them.
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而我是其中一个。
01:04
And the compliments赞美 stopped停止.
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再也没有表扬了。
01:07
Well, at that moment时刻, I was crying哭了.
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就在那时，我开始哭。
01:10
And the teacher老师 was freaking再用 out.
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老师也不知所措。
01:12
She was like, "Hey, would anyone任何人
say anything nice不错 about these people?"
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她说：“嘿，有没有人
愿意表扬一下这些同学？”
01:16
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you
go get your gift礼品 and sit坐 down.
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“没有吗？好吧。那你们
去拿一份礼物然后回座位吧。
01:20
So behave表现 next下一个 year年 --
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明年要好好表现哦，
01:21
someone有人 might威力 say
something nice不错 about you."
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说不定会有人表扬你。”
01:24
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
01:26
Well, as I'm describing说明 this you,
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你看我记得如此清楚，
01:28
you probably大概 know
I remember记得 this really well.
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因为这是我心里永远的痛。
01:30
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
01:32
But I don't know who felt毡 worse更差 that day.
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但我不知道当天谁的感觉更糟糕，
01:35
Was it me or the teacher老师?
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我还是我的老师？
01:37
She must必须 have realized实现
that she turned转身 a team-building团队建设 event事件
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她一定意识到自己
把一个团队建设活动
01:40
into a public上市 roast烤
for three三 six-year-olds六岁的孩子.
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变成了3个6岁孩子的尴尬时刻。
而且这种尴尬一点都不好笑。
01:43
And without无 the humor幽默.
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01:45
You know, when you see
people get roasted烤 on TV电视,
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电视上演的那些尴尬时刻，
01:47
it was funny滑稽.
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非常好笑。
01:48
There was nothing funny滑稽 about that day.
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但那天一点都不好笑。
01:51
So that was one version版 of me,
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所以那是一个版本的我，
01:54
and I would die死 to avoid避免
being存在 in that situation情况 again --
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我死也不要再次经历这种事情——
01:57
to get rejected拒绝 in public上市 again.
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在众目睽睽下被拒绝。
02:00
That's one version版.
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这是一个版本。
02:02
Then fast-forward快进 eight八 years年份.
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时间快进8年。
02:04
Bill法案 Gates盖茨 came来了 to my hometown家乡 --
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比尔·盖茨来到我的家乡
02:06
Beijing北京, China中国 --
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——中国北京——
02:07
to speak说话,
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做演讲。
02:08
and I saw his message信息.
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我看了他的演讲，
02:10
I fell下跌 in love with that guy.
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就被他深深迷住了。
02:13
I thought, wow哇,
I know what I want to do now.
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我想，哇，我找到了人生目标。
02:15
That night I wrote写 a letter信 to my family家庭
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当天晚上我给家人写了一封信，
02:18
telling告诉 them: "By age年龄 25,
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信上说，“在25岁之前，
02:20
I will build建立 the biggest最大
company公司 in the world世界,
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我要打造一个世界上最大的公司，
02:23
and that company公司 will buy购买 Microsoft微软."
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而这家公司会买下微软。”
02:25
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
02:26
I totally完全 embraced拥抱 this idea理念
of conquering征服 the world世界 --
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我向他真心学到了征服世界的想法，
02:29
domination统治, right?
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统治世界，对吧。
02:31
And I didn't make this up,
I did write写 that letter信.
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我没骗你们，我真的写了信。
02:34
And here it is --
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就是这封——
02:35
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
02:37
You don't have to read读 this through通过 --
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你没必要看懂中文，
02:39
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
02:41
This is also也 bad坏 handwriting手写,
but I did highlight突出 some key键 words话.
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字也写得不好看，但我
划出了一些重点词。
02:45
You get the idea理念.
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你们就明白了。
02:46
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
02:48
So ...
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所以……
02:51
that was another另一个 version版 of me:
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这是另一个版本的我，
02:53
one who will conquer征服 the world世界.
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一个想要征服世界的我。
02:55
Well, then two years年份 later后来,
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时间又过了两年，
02:57
I was presented呈现 with the opportunity机会
to come to the United联合的 States状态.
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我得到了一个来美国的机会，
03:01
I jumped跳下 on it,
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我抓住了它，
03:03
because that was
where Bill法案 Gates盖茨 lived生活, right?
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因为这可是比尔·盖茨
的故乡啊，对吧？
03:05
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
03:06
I thought that was the start开始
of my entrepreneur企业家 journey旅程.
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当时我觉得这会是我
创业生涯的开始。
03:09
Then, fast-forward快进 another另一个 14 years年份.
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然后，再快进14年，
03:11
I was 30.
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我三十岁了。
03:13
Nope不, I didn't build建立 that company公司.
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我并没有成立那家公司。
03:15
I didn't even start开始.
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甚至没有开始。
03:17
I was actually其实 a marketing营销 manager经理
for a Fortune幸运 500 company公司.
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而是成为了一家500强企业
里一个平凡的市场经理。
03:21
And I felt毡 I was stuck卡住;
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我感觉我卡住了，
03:23
I was stagnant滞.
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停滞不前。
03:25
Why is that?
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为什么呢？
03:26
Where is that 14-year-old-岁
who wrote写 that letter信?
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那个写信的14岁孩子去哪了？
03:29
It's not because he didn't try.
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不是因为他没有尝试。
03:31
It's because every一切 time I had a new新 idea理念,
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而是因为每次我有了新的主意，
03:34
every一切 time I wanted to try something new新,
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每次我想尝试一些新的东西，
03:36
even at work --
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甚至在工作的时候——
03:37
I wanted to make a proposal提案,
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我想提出一个方案，
03:39
I wanted to speak说话 up
in front面前 of people in a group组 --
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我想在一群人面前讲话——
03:43
I felt毡 there was this constant不变 battle战斗
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我感觉6岁的我和14岁的我之间
03:45
between之间 the 14-year-old-岁
and the six-year-old六十岁.
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一直在斗争。
03:47
One wanted to conquer征服 the world世界 --
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一个想征服世界，
03:50
make a difference区别 --
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改变现况，
03:51
another另一个 was afraid害怕 of rejection拒绝.
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另一个却害怕被拒绝。
03:54
And every一切 time that six-year-old六十岁 won韩元.
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然而每次那个6岁的我都赢了。
03:57
And this fear恐惧 even persisted坚持
after I started开始 my own拥有 company公司.
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这个惧怕甚至持续到
我开了自己的公司。
04:01
I mean, I started开始
my own拥有 company公司 when I was 30 --
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我在30岁的时候成立了我的公司，
04:05
if you want to be Bill法案 Gates盖茨,
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如果你想成为比尔·盖茨，
迟早要踏出第一步，对吗？
04:06
you've got to start开始
sooner早 or later后来, right?
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04:09
When I was an entrepreneur企业家,
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当我开始创业后不久，
04:11
I was presented呈现
with an investment投资 opportunity机会,
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遇见了一个被投资的机会，
04:14
and then I was turned转身 down.
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但是我最终被拒绝了，
04:17
And that rejection拒绝 hurt伤害 me.
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那次拒绝伤害了我。
04:18
It hurt伤害 me so bad坏
that I wanted to quit放弃 right there.
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严重到我想当场放弃。
04:23
But then I thought,
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但是我想，
04:24
hey, would Bill法案 Gates盖茨 quit放弃
after a simple简单 investment投资 rejection拒绝?
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嘿，比尔·盖茨会在一次
投资被拒后就放弃吗？
04:29
Would any successful成功
entrepreneur企业家 quit放弃 like that?
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任何成功的创业人会像那样放弃吗？
04:31
No way.
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当然不。
04:33
And this is where it clicked点击 for me.
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我突然间恍然大悟。
04:35
OK, I can build建立 a better company公司.
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我能创立一个更好的公司。
04:37
I can build建立 a better
team球队 or better product产品,
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我能建立更好的团队，
开发更好的产品，
04:39
but one thing for sure:
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但有一件事是必须的：
04:40
I've got to be a better leader领导.
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我要成为一个更好的领导者，
04:42
I've got to be a better person人.
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成为一个更好的人。
04:44
I cannot不能 let that six-year-old六十岁
keep dictating听写 my life anymore再.
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我不能让那个6岁的我
继续支配我的生活。
04:48
I have to put him back in his place地点.
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我要战胜他。
04:51
So this is where I went去 online线上
and looked看着 for help.
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所以我上网寻求帮助。
谷歌是我的朋友。
04:53
Google谷歌 was my friend朋友.
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04:54
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
我搜索：“怎么克服被拒绝的恐惧？”
04:55
I searched搜索, "How do I overcome克服
the fear恐惧 of rejection拒绝?"
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04:59
I came来了 up with a bunch束
of psychology心理学 articles用品
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跳出了很多心理学文章，
05:01
about where the fear恐惧
and pain疼痛 are coming未来 from.
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关于恐惧和痛苦的来源。
05:04
Then I came来了 up with a bunch束
of "rah-rahRAH-RAH" inspirational励志 articles用品
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然后是一些励志的文章
05:08
about "Don't take it personally亲自,
just overcome克服 it."
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关于“不要太在意，克服就好。”
05:11
Who doesn't know that?
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废话，地球人都知道好吗。
05:12
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
05:14
But why was I still so scared害怕?
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但为什么我还是很害怕？
05:16
Then I found发现 this website网站 by luck运气.
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然后我意外找到了这个网站，
05:18
It's called叫 rejectiontherapyrejectiontherapy.comCOM.
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叫做 RejectionTherapy.com(被拒治疗法)
05:21
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
05:23
"Rejection拒绝 Therapy治疗" was this game游戏
invented发明 by this Canadian加拿大 entrepreneur企业家.
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“被拒治疗法”是加拿大一个
创业者发明的游戏，
05:27
His name名称 is Jason贾森 Comely漂亮.
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他叫杰森·康利。
05:29
And basically基本上 the idea理念 is for 30 days天
you go out and look for rejection拒绝,
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游戏很简单，
你出门找拒绝，持续30天，
05:34
and every一切 day get rejected拒绝 at something,
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每天都主动找人因某些事拒绝你，
05:36
and then by the end结束,
you desensitize脱敏 yourself你自己 from the pain疼痛.
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最后，你对被拒绝就会感到麻木了。
05:41
And I loved喜爱 that idea理念.
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我太爱这个主意了。
05:43
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
05:44
I said, "You know what?
I'm going to do this.
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我说：“好吧。我就这么干。
05:46
And I'll feel myself我
getting得到 rejected拒绝 100 days天."
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我要让自己被拒绝100天
而且把情景录制下来。”
05:49
And I came来了 up with my own拥有 rejection拒绝 ideas思路,
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我要自己想象出被拒绝的注意，
05:52
and I made制作 a video视频 blog博客 out of it.
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还为此创建了视频博客。
05:55
And so here's这里的 what I did.
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这就是我做的。
05:57
This is what the blog博客 looked看着 like.
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这就是那个博客。
06:00
Day One ...
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第一天……
06:02
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
06:03
Borrow借 100 dollars美元 from a stranger陌生人.
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向一个陌生人借100美金。
06:07
So this is where I went去
to where I was working加工.
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所以我来到公司，
06:10
I came来了 downstairs楼下
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我走下楼，
06:12
and I saw this big大 guy
sitting坐在 behind背后 a desk台.
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看见桌子后面坐着一个壮汉。
06:14
He looked看着 like a security安全 guard守卫.
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可能是保安吧。
06:16
So I just approached接近 him.
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所以我接近他，
06:17
And I was just walking步行
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我走向他，
06:19
and that was the longest最长
walk步行 of my life --
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简直是我人生中最漫长一段路，
06:22
hair头发 on the back
of my neck颈部 standing常设 up,
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我觉得脖子后面的汗毛都竖起来了，
06:24
I was sweating出汗 and my heart心 was pounding重击.
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手心都是汗，心怦怦直跳。
06:26
And I got there and said,
158
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我走到他面前，
06:27
"Hey, sir先生, can I borrow借
100 dollars美元 from you?"
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说：“先生你好，
我能向你借100美金吗？”
06:30
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
06:31
And he looked看着 up, he's like, "No."
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他抬起头，说：“不行。
06:34
"Why?"
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为什么？”
06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry."
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我说：“不行吗？真不好意思。”
06:38
Then I turned转身 around,
and I just ran跑.
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然后我转身就逃了。
06:40
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
06:43
I felt毡 so embarrassed尴尬.
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我感觉非常尴尬。
06:44
But because I filmed拍摄 myself我 --
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但是因为我录下了这段经历，
06:46
so that night I was watching观看
myself我 getting得到 rejected拒绝,
168
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所以那天晚上，我
重看了一遍被拒绝的过程，
06:49
I just saw how scared害怕 I was.
169
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我看到了自己有多害怕。
06:51
I looked看着 like this kid孩子
in "The Sixth第六 Sense感."
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像是《灵异第六感》里的孩子，
06:54
I saw dead死 people.
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看见死人一样害怕。
06:55
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
06:57
But then I saw this guy.
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但我又看了看那个人，
06:58
You know, he wasn't不 that menacing来势汹汹.
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他并没有那么可怕。
07:00
He was a chubby丰满的, loveable可爱 guy,
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看起来胖乎乎的，很可爱，
07:03
and he even asked问 me, "Why?"
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他甚至还问我，“为什么”。
07:06
In fact事实, he invited邀请 me to explain说明 myself我.
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事实上，他给了我解释的机会，
07:08
And I could've可能已经 said many许多 things.
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我本来可以说很多。
07:10
I could've可能已经 explained解释,
I could've可能已经 negotiated议.
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我可以解释，可以交涉。
07:12
I didn't do any of that.
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但我什么都没做，
07:14
All I did was run跑.
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我只是逃走了。
07:17
I felt毡, wow哇, this is like
the microcosm缩影 of my life.
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我觉得，哇，这简直
就是我人生的缩影。
07:21
Every一切 time I felt毡 the slightest丝毫 rejection拒绝,
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每次我遇到一点小小的拒绝，
07:23
I would just run跑 as fast快速 as I could.
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我就撒腿就跑。
07:25
And you know what?
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于是我决定了，
07:27
The next下一个 day, no matter物 what happens发生,
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第二天，不管发生了什么，
07:28
I'm not going to run跑.
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我都不会逃跑。
07:30
I'll stay留 engaged订婚.
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我会继续交涉。
07:32
Day Two: Request请求 a "burger汉堡包 refill充值."
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第二天：请求一个“汉堡续杯”
07:34
(Laughter笑声)
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442160
1976
（笑声）
07:36
It's when I went去 to a burger汉堡包 joint联合,
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我来到一家汉堡店，
07:38
I finished完 lunch午餐,
and I went去 to the cashier出纳员 and said,
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吃完午餐，走向收银员，说：
“你好，我能来一个汉堡续杯吗？”
07:41
"Hi你好, can I get a burger汉堡包 refill充值?"
193
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07:42
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
07:44
He was all confused困惑,
like, "What's a burger汉堡包 refill充值?"
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他非常疑惑，“什么是汉堡续杯？”
07:47
(Laughter笑声)
196
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（笑声）
07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like
a drink喝 refill充值 but with a burger汉堡包."
197
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我说：“就像饮料续杯啊，
只是换成汉堡。”
07:52
And he said, "Sorry,
we don't do burger汉堡包 refill充值, man."
198
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他说：“不好意思，哥们儿，
我们没有汉堡续杯。”
07:54
(Laughter笑声)
199
462760
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（笑声）
07:56
So this is where rejection拒绝 happened发生
and I could have run跑, but I stayed住.
200
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所以我被拒绝了，
我本可以逃跑，但我没有。
08:00
I said, "Well, I love your burgers汉堡,
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我说：“我超爱你们的汉堡，
08:02
I love your joint联合,
202
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超爱你们的店，
08:03
and if you guys do a burger汉堡包 refill充值,
203
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如果你们能做汉堡续杯，
08:06
I will love you guys more."
204
473920
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我会爱死你们的。”
08:07
(Laughter笑声)
205
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（笑声）
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK,
I'll tell my manager经理 about it,
206
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然后他说：“好吧，
我会向经理汇报的，
08:11
and maybe we'll好 do it,
but sorry, we can't do this today今天."
207
479200
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以后可能会有这项服务，
但抱歉，今天实在没有办法。”
08:14
Then I left.
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1416
然后我走了。
08:15
And by the way,
209
483640
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顺便说一句，
08:17
I don't think they've他们已经
ever doneDONE burger汉堡包 refill充值.
210
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我觉得他们不会
推出汉堡续杯服务的。
08:19
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
08:21
I think they're still there.
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他们的店还没倒闭。
08:23
But the life and death死亡 feeling感觉
I was feeling感觉 the first time
213
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但第一天那种紧张到死的感觉，
08:26
was no longer长 there,
214
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1336
已经没有了，
08:27
just because I stayed住 engaged订婚 --
215
495840
1736
仅仅因为我留了来交涉，
08:29
because I didn't run跑.
216
497600
1616
没有逃跑。
08:31
I said, "Wow哇, great,
I'm already已经 learning学习 things.
217
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我说：“哇，好棒，
我已经有所长进了，
真的很不错。”
08:34
Great."
218
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08:35
And then Day Three三:
Getting入门 Olympic奥林匹克 Doughnuts甜甜圈.
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2200
第三天：索要奥林匹克甜甜圈。
08:38
This is where my life
was turned转身 upside上边 down.
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我的人生从此开始被颠覆。
08:42
I went去 to a Krispy的Krispy KremeKreme的.
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我去了“卡卡圈坊”，
08:43
It's a doughnut甜甜圈 shop店
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一家卖甜甜圈的店，
08:45
in mainly主要 the Southeastern东南 part部分
of the United联合的 States状态.
223
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主要分布在美国的东南部。
08:47
I'm sure they have some here, too.
224
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当然这里应该也有。
08:49
And I went去 in,
225
517520
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我走进店里，说：
08:50
I said, "Can you make me doughnuts甜甜圈
that look like Olympic奥林匹克 symbols符号?
226
518799
3137
“你能为我做一些长得像
奥林匹克标志的甜甜圈吗？
08:54
Basically基本上, you interlink互联
five五 doughnuts甜甜圈 together一起 ... "
227
521960
2896
就是把五个甜甜圈连起来……”
08:56
I mean there's no way
they could say yes, right?
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524880
2240
按理来说他们不可能答应，对吧？
08:59
The doughnut甜甜圈 maker制作者 took拿 me so seriously认真地.
229
527640
2376
但那个做甜甜圈的特别重视我的要求！
09:02
(Laughter笑声)
230
530040
1216
（笑声）
09:03
So she put out paper纸,
231
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1216
她居然拿出一张纸，
09:04
started开始 jotting简短的笔记 down
the colors颜色 and the rings戒指,
232
532520
2176
记下颜色和排列，
09:06
and is like, "How can I make this?"
233
534720
2016
思考该怎么制作。
09:08
And then 15 minutes分钟 later后来,
234
536760
1896
15分钟后，
09:10
she came来了 out with a box框
that looked看着 like Olympic奥林匹克 rings戒指.
235
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3416
她拿着一盒奥运五环甜甜圈出来了。
09:14
And I was so touched感动.
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我感动极了，
09:15
I just couldn't不能 believe it.
237
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2136
简直难以置信。
09:18
And that video视频 got
over five五 million百万 views意见 on Youtube的Youtube.
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这个视频在Youtube上
获得了超过5百万的浏览量。
09:22
The world世界 couldn't不能 believe that either或.
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看来整个世界也无法相信。
09:24
(Laughter笑声)
240
552560
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（笑声）
09:27
You know, because of that
I was in newspapers报纸,
241
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3216
因为这件事，我上了报纸，
09:30
in talk shows节目, in everything.
242
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1416
参加脱口秀，可忙了。
09:32
And I became成为 famous著名.
243
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1496
我出名了。
09:33
A lot of people
started开始 writing写作 emails电子邮件 to me
244
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2136
很多人开始给我写邮件
09:35
and saying话, "What you're
doing is awesome真棒."
245
563800
2536
说：“你做的事情太棒了。”
09:38
But you know, fame名誉 and notoriety臭名
did not do anything to me.
246
566360
3536
但知名度并不是我想要的。
09:42
What I really wanted to do was learn学习,
247
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1816
我真正想要的是学习，
09:43
and to change更改 myself我,
248
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1216
和改变自己。
09:45
so I turned转身 the rest休息
of my 100 days天 of rejection拒绝
249
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所以我把“被拒100天”剩下的经历
09:47
into this playground操场 --
250
575640
1896
变成了个人游乐场，
09:49
into this research研究 project项目.
251
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2136
变成了研究项目。
09:51
I wanted to see what I could learn学习.
252
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2080
想看看我能学到什么。
09:54
And then I learned学到了 a lot of things.
253
582240
1776
我学到了很多事情，
09:56
I discovered发现 so many许多 secrets秘密.
254
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1576
我发现了很多秘密。
09:57
For example例, I found发现 if I just don't run跑,
255
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2896
比如，我发现只要我在遭到拒绝后，
10:00
if I got rejected拒绝,
256
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不逃之夭夭，
10:01
I could actually其实 turn转 a "no" into a "yes,"
257
589840
2056
我可以把“不行”变成“行”，
10:04
and the magic魔法 word字 is, "why."
258
591920
1616
秘诀就是问对方“为什么”
10:05
So one day I went去 to a stranger's陌生人 house屋,
I had this flower花 in my hand手,
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有一天，我去一个陌生人家，
捧着一束花，
敲他的门，
10:09
knocked被撞 on the door门 and said,
260
597680
1416
问：“嘿，我能把这束花
种在你家后院吗？”
10:11
"Hey, can I plant厂 this flower花
in your backyard后院?"
261
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2256
10:13
(Laughter笑声)
262
601400
1536
（笑声）
10:15
And he said, "No."
263
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1720
然后他说：“不行。”
10:17
But before he could leave离开 I said,
264
605640
1736
在他关门之前，我说：
10:19
"Hey, can I know why?"
265
607400
1936
”嘿，你能告诉我为什么吗？“
10:21
And he said, "Well, I have this dog狗
266
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他说：“我有一只狗，
10:24
that would dig挖 up
anything I put in the backyard后院.
267
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它会把后院所有东西都刨出来。
10:26
I don't want to waste浪费 your flower花.
268
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我不想浪费你的鲜花。
如果你想种花，
你可以到街对面，问问康妮，
10:28
If you want to do this,
go across横过 the street街 and talk to Connie康妮.
269
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3176
她超爱花的。”
10:31
She loves爱 flowers花卉."
270
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1216
我照做了。
10:33
So that's what I did.
271
620920
1216
10:34
I went去 across横过 and knocked被撞
on Connie's康妮的 door门.
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2056
我穿过马路，敲开妮家的门。
10:36
And she was so happy快乐 to see me.
273
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她看到我可开心了。
10:38
(Laughter笑声)
274
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（笑声）
10:39
And then half半 an hour小时 later后来,
275
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一个半小时后，
10:41
there was this flower花
in Connie's康妮的 backyard后院.
276
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2056
我的花就种在了康妮的院子里。
我保证，它现在比这要美多了。
10:43
I'm sure it looks容貌 better now.
277
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1416
10:44
(Laughter笑声)
278
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1296
（笑声）
10:46
But had I left
after the initial初始 rejection拒绝,
279
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2936
如果我在被拒后选择离开，
10:49
I would've会一直 thought,
280
637040
1216
我可能会想，
10:50
well, it's because
the guy didn't trust相信 me,
281
638280
2056
也许那个人不相信我，
10:52
it's because I was crazy疯,
282
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1216
因为我的要求很疯狂，
10:53
because I didn't dress连衣裙 up well,
I didn't look good.
283
641600
2416
可能因为我穿得不好，
看上去不怎么样。
结果都不是。
10:56
It was none没有 of those.
284
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1216
仅仅因为我提供的不是他想要的。
10:57
It was because what I offered提供
did not fit适合 what he wanted.
285
645280
2696
11:00
And he trusted信任 me enough足够
to offer提供 me a referral转诊,
286
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他其实很信任我，还给我推荐了别人，
11:02
using运用 a sales销售 term术语.
287
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用销售的行话来说，
我完成了一次转交处理。
11:04
I converted转换 a referral转诊.
288
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1520
11:06
Then one day --
289
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1216
然后有一天——
11:07
and I also也 learned学到了 that I can
actually其实 say certain某些 things
290
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2896
我又学到一招，我可以
通过表述一些确定的事情，
11:10
and maximize最大化 my chance机会 to get a yes.
291
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1936
增加我的提议被接受的可能性。
11:12
So for example例,
one day I went去 to a Starbucks星巴克,
292
660680
2216
比如，有一天我走进一家星巴克，
11:15
and asked问 the manager经理,
"Hey, can I be a Starbucks星巴克 greeter招待员?"
293
662920
3576
问经理，“我能成为
星巴克迎宾员吗？”
11:18
He was like, "What's a Starbucks星巴克 greeter招待员?"
294
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2376
他问：”什么是星巴克迎宾员？“
11:21
I said, "Do you know
those Walmart沃尔玛（Walmart） greeters接待员?
295
668920
2096
我说：“你知道沃尔玛迎宾员吗？
11:23
You know, those people who say
'hi'“喜” to you before you walk步行 in the store商店,
296
671040
3416
就是那些在你进店前，跟你打招呼，
11:26
and make sure you
don't steal偷 stuff东东, basically基本上?
297
674480
2216
然后盯着你在店里别偷东西的人？
11:28
I want to give a Walmart沃尔玛（Walmart） experience经验
to Starbucks星巴克 customers顾客."
298
676720
3136
我想给星巴克顾客
带来沃尔玛式的体验。”
11:31
(Laughter笑声)
299
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1456
（笑声）
11:33
Well, I'm not sure
that's a good thing, actually其实 --
300
681360
3000
我不确定这种体验好不好，
11:37
Actually其实, I'm pretty漂亮 sure
it's a bad坏 thing.
301
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2496
实际上因该肯定不好。
11:40
And he was like, "Oh" --
302
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2056
然后他说：“哦，”
11:42
yeah, this is how he looked看着,
his name名称 is Eric埃里克 --
303
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2256
没错，就是他，他叫埃里克，
11:44
and he was like, "I'm not sure."
304
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1576
他说：“我不确定。”
11:46
This is how he was hearing听力 me. "Not sure."
305
694080
2056
这就是当时他的表情，“我不确定。”
11:48
Then I ask问 him, "Is that weird奇怪的?"
306
696160
1656
然后我问他，“这很奇怪吗？”
11:49
He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird奇怪的, man."
307
697840
2040
他说：“没错，哥们儿，很奇怪。”
11:52
But as soon不久 as he said that,
his whole整个 demeanor风度 changed变.
308
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2856
但是在他说完之后，
他的整个举止就变了。
11:55
It's as if he's putting把
all the doubt怀疑 on the floor地板.
309
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2936
像是这事儿提出来后他就把怀疑全倒干净了。
11:58
And he said, "Yeah, you can do this,
310
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1736
他说：“好吧，你做吧，
12:00
just don't get too weird奇怪的."
311
708400
1256
但希望你别太奇怪了。”
12:01
(Laughter笑声)
312
709680
1416
（笑声）
12:03
So for the next下一个 hour小时
I was the Starbucks星巴克 greeter招待员.
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所以接下来的一个小时，
我成为了星巴克迎宾员。
12:05
I said "hi嗨" to every一切 customer顾客
that walked走 in,
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我对每一个进门的顾客说“你好”，
12:07
and gave给 them holiday假日 cheers干杯.
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祝他们节日快乐。
12:10
By the way, I don't know
what your career事业 trajectory弹道 is,
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顺便提一句，我不知道
你们的职业规划是什么，
千万不要当迎宾员。
12:12
don't be a greeter招待员.
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12:14
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
真的很无聊。
12:15
It was really boring无聊.
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12:17
But then I found发现 I could do this
because I mentioned提到, "Is that weird奇怪的?"
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但后来我发现，我之所以能成功，
是因为我提到了“这很奇怪吗？”
12:22
I mentioned提到 the doubt怀疑 that he was having有.
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我提出了他心里的疑问。
12:24
And because I mentioned提到, "Is that weird奇怪的?",
that means手段 I wasn't不 weird奇怪的.
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正因为我问了“这很奇怪吗”，
恰恰意味着我不奇怪。
12:27
That means手段 I was actually其实
thinking思维 just like him,
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这意味着我跟他想的一样，
12:30
seeing眼看 this as a weird奇怪的 thing.
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也觉得这事儿很奇怪。
12:32
And again, and again,
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就这样一次又一次，
12:34
I learned学到了 that if I mention提到
some doubt怀疑 people might威力 have
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我体会到，如果在我
提出自己的要求之前，
12:37
before I ask问 the question题,
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我能说出对方心里的疑问，
12:39
I gained获得 their其 trust相信.
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我就能赢得他们的信任。
12:40
People were more likely容易 to say yes to me.
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他们也更有可能答应我的要求。
12:42
And then I learned学到了
I could fulfill履行 my life dream梦想 ...
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然后我明白了，要想实现人生理想，
只要开口。
12:46
by asking问.
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12:47
You know, I came来了
from four四 generations代 of teachers教师,
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我家四代都是老师，
12:50
and my grandma奶奶 has always told me,
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我的奶奶一直跟我说，
12:53
"Hey Jia佳, you can do anything you want,
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“阿甲（我的小名），你可以做任何你想做的事情，
12:55
but it'd它会 be great
if you became成为 a teacher老师."
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但最好还是当老师。”
12:58
(Laughter笑声)
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（笑声）
12:59
But I wanted to be
an entrepreneur企业家, so I didn't.
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但我的理想是创业，
所以我没当老师。
13:01
But it has always been my dream梦想
to actually其实 teach教 something.
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但是给人讲课却一直是我的梦想。
13:05
So I said, "What if I just ask问
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所以我想：“如果我直接
13:07
and teach教 a college学院 class类?"
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请求去大学教一堂课呢？”
13:09
I lived生活 in Austin奥斯汀 at the time,
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当时我住在奥斯汀，
13:11
so I went去 to University大学
of Texas德州 at Austin奥斯汀,
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所以我去了德州大学奥斯汀分校，
13:13
and knocked被撞 on professors'教授 doors门
and said, "Can I teach教 your class类?"
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敲教授的门，问
“我可以教您的课吗？”
13:16
I didn't get anywhere随地
the first couple一对 of times时.
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开始几次我没有成功，
13:18
But because I didn't run跑 --
I kept不停 doing it --
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但我没有逃，不停去尝试，
13:21
and on the third第三 try
the professor教授 was very impressed印象深刻.
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到了第3次，教授被打动了。
13:24
He was like, "No one
has doneDONE this before."
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他说：“从没有人做过这事。”
13:26
And I came来了 in prepared准备
with powerpoints电源点 and my lesson课.
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我来之前就已经准备好幻灯片和课程。
13:30
He said, "Wow哇, I can use this.
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他说：“哇，我真的能用上这些。
13:33
Why don't you come back in two months个月?
I'll fit适合 you in my curriculum课程."
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你两个月后过来吧，
我把你加到我的课表里。”
13:36
And two months个月 later后来
I was teaching教学 a class类.
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两个月后，我去教了一堂课。
13:38
This is me -- you probably大概 can't see,
this is a bad坏 picture图片.
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这是我——你可能看不清楚，
照片拍得不好。
13:41
You know, sometimes有时 you get
rejected拒绝 by lighting灯光, you know?
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有的时候连光线都拒绝你，对吗？
（笑声）
13:44
(Laughter笑声)
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13:46
But wow哇 --
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但是，
13:48
when I finished完 teaching教学 that class类,
I walked走 out crying哭了,
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当我教完那堂课，我是哭着走出来的，
13:50
because I thought
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因为我发现，
13:52
I could fulfill履行 my life dream梦想
just by simply只是 asking问.
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我可以实现人生理想，
只需要开口请求。
13:55
I used to think I have to accomplish完成
all these things --
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而原本我以为，要实现理想，
要先达到许多标准——
比如成为杰出的创业者，
或者成为博士才能教书——
13:58
have to be a great entrepreneur企业家,
or get a PhD博士 to teach教 --
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14:02
but no, I just asked问,
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并不是，我只要开口请求，
14:03
and I could teach教.
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我就能教书。
14:05
And in that picture图片 --
which哪一个 you can't see --
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在这张照片里，可能大家看不到，
14:07
I quoted引 Martin马丁 Luther路德 King国王 JrJR.
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我援引了马丁·路德·金的话，
14:11
Why? Because in my research研究 I found发现
that people who really change更改 the world世界,
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为什么？因为我发现
那些改变了世界的人，
14:15
who change更改 the way we live生活
and the way we think,
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改变了我们生活方式和思维方式的人，
14:18
are the people who were met会见
with initial初始 and often经常 violent暴力 rejections拒绝.
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都是那些遭到开始的拒绝，甚至暴力拒绝的人。
14:22
People like Martin马丁 Luther路德 King国王 JrJR.,
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比如马丁·路德·金，
14:24
like Mahatma圣雄 Gandhi甘地, Nelson纳尔逊 Mandela曼德拉,
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圣雄甘地，尼尔森·曼德拉，
14:27
or even Jesus耶稣 Christ基督.
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甚至耶稣基督。
14:28
These people did not
let rejection拒绝 define确定 them.
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这些人没有让拒绝定义自己，
14:31
They let their其 own拥有 reaction反应
after rejection拒绝 define确定 themselves他们自己.
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而是用被拒绝后的行动定义了自己。
14:37
And they embraced拥抱 rejection拒绝.
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他们拥抱拒绝。
14:39
And we don't have to be those people
to learn学习 about rejection拒绝,
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要了解拒绝，我们不需要成为这些人，
14:42
but in my case案件,
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以我为例，
14:43
rejection拒绝 was my curse诅咒 --
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2016
拒绝曾是我的诅咒，
14:46
was my boogeyman恶巫.
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曾是我的梦魔。
14:47
It has bothered困扰 me my whole整个 life
because I was running赛跑 away from it.
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它困扰了我一生，
因为我曾经不敢面对它。
14:51
Then I started开始 embracing拥抱 it.
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然后我开始拥抱它。
14:53
I turned转身 that into
the biggest最大 gift礼品 in my life.
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把它转变为我人生中最大的礼物。
14:57
I started开始 teaching教学 people
how to turn转 rejections拒绝 into opportunities机会.
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我开始教别人如何把拒绝变成机会。
15:01
I use my blog博客, I use my talk,
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2016
用我的博客，我的演讲，
15:03
I use the book书 I just published发表,
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用我刚刚出版的书，
15:05
and I'm even using运用 technology技术 to help
people overcome克服 their其 fear恐惧 of rejection拒绝.
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我还发展科技，来帮助人们
克服被拒绝的恐惧。
15:12
When you get rejected拒绝 in life,
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当你在人生中遭到拒绝，
15:14
when you are facing面对 the next下一个 obstacle障碍,
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当你面对下一个障碍，
15:16
or next下一个 failure失败,
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或下一次失败，
15:18
consider考虑 the possibilities可能性.
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想想以下这个可能：
15:20
Don't run跑.
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不要逃跑。
15:21
If you just embrace拥抱 them,
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如果你拥抱它们，
15:22
they might威力 become成为 your gifts礼品 as well.
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它们也可能成为你的礼物。
15:25
Thank you.
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谢谢大家。
15:26
(Applause掌声)
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1960
（鼓掌）
Translated by Conway Ye
Reviewed by Alvin Lee

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jia Jiang - Author, blogger, entrepreneur
Jia Jiang's journey through rejection revealed a world hidden in plain sight, where people are much kinder than we imagine.

Why you should listen

Jia Jiang is the owner of Rejection Therapy, a website that provides inspiration, knowledge and products for people to overcome their fear of rejection. He is also the CEO of Wuju Learning, a company that teaches people and trains organizations to become fearless through rejection training. In 2015, he authored a bestselling book, Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection.

Several years after Jiang began his career in the corporate world, he took a life-altering risk and stepped into the unknown world of entrepreneurship. His result was everyone's biggest fear: rejection. This was the catalyst that set Jiang on the path to his true calling.

To conquer the fear of rejection, Jiang embarked on a personal quest and started a blog, 100 Days of Rejection Therapy. His journey revealed a world that was hidden in plain sight -- a world where people are much kinder than we imagine. He discovered that rejection can be much less painful than we believe and that the fear of rejection is much more destructive than we know.

Jiang grew up in Beijing, China and migrated to the United States at age 16. He holds a Bachelor of Computer Science from Brigham Young University and a Master of Business Administration from Duke University.

More profile about the speaker
Jia Jiang | Speaker | TED.com
THE ORIGINAL VIDEO ON TED.COM