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Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness
Robert Waldinger: Yaxshi hayotning asosi nima? Baxt sirining eng uzoq davom etgan o‘rganishdan kelib chiqqan hayot saboqlari | Robert Waldinger | TED Talks
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Hayotimiz davomida bizni nima sog'lom va baxtli saqlaydi? Agar bu pul va shuhrat deb o'ylasangiz, siz bu fikrda yolg'iz emassiz - ammo, psixiatr Robert Waldingerga ko'ra, siz hato o'ylabsiz. 75 yil davom etgan kattalar rivojlanishi bo'yicha tadqiqotning direktori sifatida, Waldinger haqiqiy baxt va ehtiyojni qondirish uchun kerak bo'lgan ma'lumotlarga ega bo'ldi. Bu nutqda, u uzoq va to'liq hayot kechirish uchun, tadqiqotdan olingan 3 asosiy saboqlarni bo'lishadi.
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priest
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What keeps us healthy and happy
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Butun hayotimiz davomida bizni
00:15
as we go through life?
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nima sog’lom va xursand qiladi?
00:18
If you were going to invest now
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O’ylab ko’ringchi, yoruq kelajakingiz
00:21
in your future best self,
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uchun o’z kuch va vaqtingizni
00:23
where would you put your time
and your energy?
and your energy?
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nimalagra sarflagan bo’lar edingiz?
00:27
There was a recent survey of millennials
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Yaqinda bo’lib o’tgan so’rovlar
00:29
asking them what their
most important life goals were,
most important life goals were,
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natijasiga qarasak,
Millenium avlodining 80 foizi
Millenium avlodining 80 foizi
00:34
and over 80 percent said
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hayotlaridagi eng asosiy maqsad,
00:36
that a major life goal for them
was to get rich.
was to get rich.
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bu hayotlarida boylikkar ega bo’lishdir.
00:40
And another 50 percent
of those same young adults
of those same young adults
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Qolgan yoshlarning 50%i uchun esa,
00:45
said that another major life goal
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hayotdagi eng asosiy maqsad,
00:47
was to become famous.
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bu mashxur bo’lish ekan.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
00:52
And we're constantly told
to lean in to work, to push harder
to lean in to work, to push harder
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Bizga har doim ko’proq ishlash, tirishish
va katta etishuvlavga harakat qilish
va katta etishuvlavga harakat qilish
00:58
and achieve more.
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kerakligi haqida ta'kidlashadi.
01:00
We're given the impression that these
are the things that we need to go after
are the things that we need to go after
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Bizda shunga harakat qilsak,
yaxshiroq hayot kechiramiz,
yaxshiroq hayot kechiramiz,
01:04
in order to have a good life.
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degan taassurot tu’giladi.
01:06
Pictures of entire lives,
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Hayotning to’la rasmi
01:08
of the choices that people make
and how those choices work out for them,
and how those choices work out for them,
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inson qilgan qarorlari va
ular qilgan qarorlarning oqibatlari
ular qilgan qarorlarning oqibatlari
01:13
those pictures
are almost impossible to get.
are almost impossible to get.
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taassurotiga esa,
amalda yetib ham bo’lmaydi.
amalda yetib ham bo’lmaydi.
01:18
Most of what we know about human life
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Insoniyat hayoti to’g’risidagi
aksariyat bilimlar,
aksariyat bilimlar,
01:21
we know from asking people
to remember the past,
to remember the past,
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inson o’tmishi haqidagi
xotirasiga bog’langan.
xotirasiga bog’langan.
01:24
and as we know, hindsight
is anything but 20/20.
is anything but 20/20.
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Lekin xotiraga 100% ishonish mumkin
emasligini hammamiz bilamiz.
emasligini hammamiz bilamiz.
01:29
We forget vast amounts
of what happens to us in life,
of what happens to us in life,
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Biz o’tmishda bo’lgan ko’p
narsalarni esdan chiqazamiz
narsalarni esdan chiqazamiz
01:33
and sometimes memory
is downright creative.
is downright creative.
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va ba’zan xotiralar boshqacha
bo'lib qolishlari mumkin.
bo'lib qolishlari mumkin.
01:36
But what if we could watch entire lives
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Agarda bizda, hayotni butunlay
qanday o’tyapganini ko’rishga
qanday o’tyapganini ko’rishga
01:41
as they unfold through time?
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imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi?
01:44
What if we could study people
from the time that they were teenagers
from the time that they were teenagers
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Insonlarning o’smirlikdan boshlab,
to qariylik chog’igacha
to qariylik chog’igacha
01:48
all the way into old age
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kuzatish imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi,
01:50
to see what really keeps people
happy and healthy?
happy and healthy?
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ularni nima rostdan ham sog’lom
va baxtli qilishini ko’ra olsakchi?
va baxtli qilishini ko’ra olsakchi?
01:55
We did that.
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Biz buni qila oldik.
01:57
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
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Garvardning Kattalar Rivojlanishi bo’yicha
01:59
may be the longest study
of adult life that's ever been done.
of adult life that's ever been done.
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o’tkazgan tadqiqotni, eng uzoq muddatli
tadqiqot sifatida ko’rib chiqish mumkin.
tadqiqot sifatida ko’rib chiqish mumkin.
02:05
For 75 years, we've tracked
the lives of 724 men,
the lives of 724 men,
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75 yil davomida biz, 724 erkak
kishining hayotini kuzatdik.
kishining hayotini kuzatdik.
02:13
year after year, asking about their work,
their home lives, their health,
their home lives, their health,
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Yildan yilga ularga ish to’g’risida,
shaxsiy hayot va so’gliqlari
shaxsiy hayot va so’gliqlari
02:17
and of course asking all along the way
without knowing how their life stories
without knowing how their life stories
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haqida savollar berdik,
lekin ularning hayoti qanday
lekin ularning hayoti qanday
02:22
were going to turn out.
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shakllanishini bilmas edik.
02:25
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.
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Bunday tadqiqotlar juda kam bo’ladi.
02:28
Almost all projects of this kind
fall apart within a decade
fall apart within a decade
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Deyarli barcha, shunga o’xshash loyihalar
o’n yil ham davom etmaydi,
o’n yil ham davom etmaydi,
02:33
because too many people
drop out of the study,
drop out of the study,
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chunki, ishtirokchilarning ko’pchligi
ketganligi tufayli,
ketganligi tufayli,
02:36
or funding for the research dries up,
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yoki mablag’ bilan ta’minlashning
tugashi tufayli,
tugashi tufayli,
02:39
or the researchers get distracted,
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yoki ishtirokchilar qiziqishi o'zgaradi,
02:41
or they die, and nobody moves the ball
further down the field.
further down the field.
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yoki o’limlari tufayli,
izdoshlari yo’qligi paytida tugaydi.
izdoshlari yo’qligi paytida tugaydi.
02:46
But through a combination of luck
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Lekin baxtli tasodiflar va
02:48
and the persistence
of several generations of researchers,
of several generations of researchers,
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tadqiqotchilarning bir nechta avlodi
tirishqoqligi tufayli,
tirishqoqligi tufayli,
02:52
this study has survived.
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bu loyiha oxirgacha ish yuritdi.
02:54
About 60 of our original 724 men
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Bizning 724 erkak kishidan 60 tasi
02:59
are still alive,
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haligacha tirik va loyihada
03:00
still participating in the study,
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qatnashishni davom etishyapti.
03:02
most of them in their 90s.
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Ko’pchiligi 90 yoshdan oshgan.
03:05
And we are now beginning to study
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Endi esa biz, shu insonlarning
03:07
the more than 2,000 children of these men.
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2000 dan ortiq bolalari orqasidan,
kuzatishni boshlayapmiz.
kuzatishni boshlayapmiz.
03:11
And I'm the fourth director of the study.
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Men shu loyihaning 4-rahbariman.
03:15
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives
of two groups of men.
of two groups of men.
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1938 yildan boshlab, 2 guruhga bo’lingan,
erkak kishilarning hayotini kuzatmoqdamiz.
erkak kishilarning hayotini kuzatmoqdamiz.
03:20
The first group started in the study
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Birinchi guruh ishtirokchilari,
03:22
when they were sophomores
at Harvard College.
at Harvard College.
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loyiha boshida, Garvardning
2 kurs talabalari edilar.
2 kurs talabalari edilar.
03:25
They all finished college
during World War II,
during World War II,
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Ular o’qishni, Ikkinchi
Jahon Urushi paytida bitirishgan
Jahon Urushi paytida bitirishgan
03:27
and then most went off
to serve in the war.
to serve in the war.
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va ularning ko’pchiligi
urushda qatnashishgan.
urushda qatnashishgan.
03:31
And the second group that we've followed
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Ikkinchi guruh ishtirokchilari esa,
03:33
was a group of boys
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
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Bostonning eng kambag’al
tumanlarida tug'ilib-o'sishgan.
tumanlarida tug'ilib-o'sishgan.
03:37
boys who were chosen for the study
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O'rganish uchun tanlangan bolalar
03:39
specifically because they were
from some of the most troubled
from some of the most troubled
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asosan Bostonning
1930-yillardagi eng noxush va
1930-yillardagi eng noxush va
03:43
and disadvantaged families
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e’tibordan chetda qolgan oilalarga
03:44
in the Boston of the 1930s.
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mansub ekanligi sababli tanlanishgan.
03:47
Most lived in tenements,
many without hot and cold running water.
many without hot and cold running water.
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Ularning aksariyati suvsiz bo’lgan
ijaraga olingan xonadonda yashar edilar.
ijaraga olingan xonadonda yashar edilar.
03:54
When they entered the study,
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Loyihani boshlashdan oldin,
03:56
all of these teenagers were interviewed.
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barcha yigitlar bilan suhbat o’tkazildi.
03:59
They were given medical exams.
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Barcha yigitlar tibbiy ko'rikdan o’tishdi.
04:01
We went to their homes
and we interviewed their parents.
and we interviewed their parents.
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Biz ularning uyiga kelib,
ota-onalari bilan suhbatlashdik.
ota-onalari bilan suhbatlashdik.
04:05
And then these teenagers
grew up into adults
grew up into adults
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Keyin esa bu yigitlar ulg’ayishdi,
04:07
who entered all walks of life.
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o’zining xilma-xil taqdirlari bilan.
04:10
They became factory workers and lawyers
and bricklayers and doctors,
and bricklayers and doctors,
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Ular zavod xodimlari, huquqshunoslar,
shifokorlar va quruvchilar bo’lishdi,
shifokorlar va quruvchilar bo’lishdi,
04:16
one President of the United States.
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bittasi hatto AQSH Prezidenti bo’ldi!
04:20
Some developed alcoholism.
A few developed schizophrenia.
A few developed schizophrenia.
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Kimdir alkogolik bo’ldi.
Ba’zilari esa shizofreniya bilan kasal.
Ba’zilari esa shizofreniya bilan kasal.
04:25
Some climbed the social ladder
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Ba’zilari ijtimoiy o’sish bo’yicha
04:27
from the bottom
all the way to the very top,
all the way to the very top,
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pastdan eng tepaga harakat qilishdi,
04:30
and some made that journey
in the opposite direction.
in the opposite direction.
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ba’zilari esa qarama-qarshi
yo’nalishda harakat qilishdi.
yo’nalishda harakat qilishdi.
04:35
The founders of this study
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Loyihaning asoschilari
04:38
would never in their wildest dreams
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hatto eng sirli orzularida ham,
04:40
have imagined that I would be
standing here today, 75 years later,
standing here today, 75 years later,
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men bugun 75 yil o'tib, shu yerda turib,
loyiha hali ham ish yuritmoqdaligini
loyiha hali ham ish yuritmoqdaligini
04:45
telling you that
the study still continues.
the study still continues.
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haqida aytib berishimni,
tasavvur ham qilisha olishmagan.
tasavvur ham qilisha olishmagan.
04:49
Every two years, our patient
and dedicated research staff
and dedicated research staff
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Har ikki yil, bizning sabrli va o’z ishiga
sodig bo’lgan xodimlarimiz,
sodig bo’lgan xodimlarimiz,
04:52
calls up our men
and asks them if we can send them
and asks them if we can send them
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bizning ishtirokchilarimizga
telefon qilib,
telefon qilib,
04:56
yet one more set of questions
about their lives.
about their lives.
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hayotlari haqida anketa yuborsak
bo'ladimi deb so'rashadi.
bo'ladimi deb so'rashadi.
05:00
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,
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Boston markazida yashuvchi
yigitlarning ko’pchiligi so'rashadi:
yigitlarning ko’pchiligi so'rashadi:
05:03
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?
My life just isn't that interesting."
My life just isn't that interesting."
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Nima uchun meni kuzatishni davom etyapsiz?
Hayotimda qiziqarli hech narsa yo’q.
Hayotimda qiziqarli hech narsa yo’q.
05:08
The Harvard men never ask that question.
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Garvad bitiruvchilari bu kabi
savolni berishmaydi.
savolni berishmaydi.
05:11
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
05:20
To get the clearest picture
of these lives,
of these lives,
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Ularning hayotlari haqida
aniqlik kiritish uchun,
aniqlik kiritish uchun,
05:23
we don't just send them questionnaires.
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biz nafaqat ularga anketa yuboramiz.
05:26
We interview them in their living rooms.
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Biz ular bilan ularning
uylarida suhbatlashamiz.
uylarida suhbatlashamiz.
05:29
We get their medical records
from their doctors.
from their doctors.
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Shifokorlardan bemorning
tibbiy kitobchalarini olamiz.
tibbiy kitobchalarini olamiz.
05:32
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,
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Ular qon topshirishadi,
ularning miyasini tekshiramiz
ularning miyasini tekshiramiz
05:34
we talk to their children.
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bolalari bilan suhbat qilamiz.
05:36
We videotape them talking with their wives
about their deepest concerns.
about their deepest concerns.
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Biz ular xotinlari bilan, eng chuqur
tashvishlari suhbatini videoga yozamiz.
tashvishlari suhbatini videoga yozamiz.
05:41
And when, about a decade ago,
we finally asked the wives
we finally asked the wives
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Nihoyat, o’n yil oldin biz,
ularning xotinlariga, loyihada
ularning xotinlariga, loyihada
05:45
if they would join us
as members of the study,
as members of the study,
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ishtirok etishni taklif qilganimizda,
05:47
many of the women said,
"You know, it's about time."
"You know, it's about time."
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ularning ko’pchiligi
“Nihoyat taklif qildila!” deyishdi.
“Nihoyat taklif qildila!” deyishdi.
05:50
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
05:51
So what have we learned?
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Demak, biz nimani o’rgandik?
05:53
What are the lessons that come
from the tens of thousands of pages
from the tens of thousands of pages
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Ularning hayoti to’g’risidagi, minglab
sahifalarda yig’ilgan axborotlardan
sahifalarda yig’ilgan axborotlardan
05:58
of information that we've generated
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qanday natijalarga
06:01
on these lives?
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biz ega bo’ldik?
06:03
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth
or fame or working harder and harder.
or fame or working harder and harder.
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Demak, bu natijalar boylik yoki shuhrat
va ko’proq ishlash kerak ekanligida emas.
va ko’proq ishlash kerak ekanligida emas.
06:10
The clearest message that we get
from this 75-year study is this:
from this 75-year study is this:
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Balki 75 yillik tadqiqotlardan so’ng,
bizga ma'lum bo'lgan eng yorqin fikr bu:
bizga ma'lum bo'lgan eng yorqin fikr bu:
06:16
Good relationships keep us
happier and healthier. Period.
happier and healthier. Period.
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yaxshi munosabatlar bizni
sog’lomroq va baxtliroq qilishadi. Bo’ldi.
sog’lomroq va baxtliroq qilishadi. Bo’ldi.
06:23
We've learned three big lessons
about relationships.
about relationships.
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Biz munosabatlar haqida
uchta asosiy saboqni o’rganib oldik.
uchta asosiy saboqni o’rganib oldik.
06:26
The first is that social connections
are really good for us,
are really good for us,
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Birinchidan – odamlar bilan munosabatlar
biz uchun juda foydali,
biz uchun juda foydali,
06:30
and that loneliness kills.
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yolg’izlik esa o’ldiradi.
06:33
It turns out that people
who are more socially connected
who are more socially connected
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Shunisi ma’lum bo’ldiki,
oilasi, do’stlari va jamiyat bilan
oilasi, do’stlari va jamiyat bilan
06:37
to family, to friends, to community,
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aloqasi kuchli bo’lgan insonlar,
06:40
are happier, they're physically healthier,
and they live longer
and they live longer
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yolg’izlikni tanlagan insonlardan,
baxtliroq, jismonan sog’lom va
baxtliroq, jismonan sog’lom va
06:45
than people who are less well connected.
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uzoqroq umr ko’rishar ekan.
06:48
And the experience of loneliness
turns out to be toxic.
turns out to be toxic.
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Yolg’izlik o’zi esa,
insonni zaharlashi mumkinligi aniqlandi.
insonni zaharlashi mumkinligi aniqlandi.
06:51
People who are more isolated
than they want to be from others
than they want to be from others
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O’zining niyatisiz boshqa insonlardan,
ko’proq ajralgan odamlar,
ko’proq ajralgan odamlar,
06:57
find that they are less happy,
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yolg’iz emas insonlarga ko’ra,
o’zini baxtsizroq his qilishadi,
o’zini baxtsizroq his qilishadi,
07:00
their health declines earlier in midlife,
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yosh paytlarida salomatligi
tezroq yomonlashadi,
tezroq yomonlashadi,
07:03
their brain functioning declines sooner
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miya harakati sekinlashi boshlanadi
07:05
and they live shorter lives
than people who are not lonely.
than people who are not lonely.
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va hayoti qisqaroq bo’lishi kuzatildi.
07:10
And the sad fact
is that at any given time,
is that at any given time,
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Eng achinarli narsa shundaki,
qachon so’rashingizdan qat’iy nazar,
qachon so’rashingizdan qat’iy nazar,
07:13
more than one in five Americans
will report that they're lonely.
will report that they're lonely.
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beshtadan kamida bitta amerikalik sizga,
men yolg’izman deb javob beradi.
men yolg’izman deb javob beradi.
07:19
And we know that you
can be lonely in a crowd
can be lonely in a crowd
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Biz bilamizki, insonlar olomonda ham,
07:21
and you can be lonely in a marriage,
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turmush hayotda ham
yolg’iz bo'lishadi,
yolg’iz bo'lishadi,
07:24
so the second big lesson that we learned
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shunday qilib, biz bilib olgan
2 saboq:
2 saboq:
07:26
is that it's not just
the number of friends you have,
the number of friends you have,
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bu do'stlaringiz qanchaligida emas,
07:29
and it's not whether or not
you're in a committed relationship,
you're in a committed relationship,
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yoki doimiy juftungiz borligi haqida emas,
07:33
but it's the quality
of your close relationships that matters.
of your close relationships that matters.
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balki yaqinlaringiz bilan orangizdagi
munosabatlaringiz sifatidadir.
munosabatlaringiz sifatidadir.
07:38
It turns out that living in the midst
of conflict is really bad for our health.
of conflict is really bad for our health.
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Mojaro holatida yashas,
bizning sog’ligimizga juda zararli ekan.
bizning sog’ligimizga juda zararli ekan.
07:43
High-conflict marriages, for example,
without much affection,
without much affection,
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Masalan, sevgi va muhabbat
yetishmaydigan ixtilofli oilalar,
yetishmaydigan ixtilofli oilalar,
07:47
turn out to be very bad for our health,
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
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insonning sog’ligiga juda zararlidir,
balki ajralishdan ham ta’siri kattaroq.
balki ajralishdan ham ta’siri kattaroq.
07:53
And living in the midst of good,
warm relationships is protective.
warm relationships is protective.
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Yaxshi ruhiy muhitdagi hayot esa,
biz uchun himoya hisoblanadi.
biz uchun himoya hisoblanadi.
07:57
Once we had followed our men
all the way into their 80s,
all the way into their 80s,
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Bizning ishtirokchilarimizning yoshi
80 dan oshgandan so’ng,
80 dan oshgandan so’ng,
08:01
we wanted to look back at them at midlife
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biz orqaga nazar tashlashga qaror qildik,
08:04
and to see if we could predict
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kim baxtli va sog’lom
08:05
who was going to grow
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
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80 yasharlik kishi bo’ladi va kim bo’la
osmasligini, bashorat qila olarmidik
osmasligini, bashorat qila olarmidik
08:09
and who wasn't.
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degan savol tug’ildi.
08:11
And when we gathered together
everything we knew about them
everything we knew about them
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Biz ishtirokchilarimizning
50 yashar paytlaridagi
50 yashar paytlaridagi
08:15
at age 50,
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barcha ma’lumotlarni yig’ib,
08:18
it wasn't their middle age
cholesterol levels
cholesterol levels
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ular keksayib qanday bo’lishlari,
08:20
that predicted how they
were going to grow old.
were going to grow old.
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ularning u yoshdagi xolesterin
darajasi bog’liq emas.
darajasi bog’liq emas.
08:23
It was how satisfied they were
in their relationships.
in their relationships.
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Balki ularning munosabatlari
qanday rivojlanishiga bog’liq.
qanday rivojlanishiga bog’liq.
08:27
The people who were the most satisfied
in their relationships at age 50
in their relationships at age 50
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50 yoshda munosabatlari bilan
mamnun bo’lgan insonlar,
mamnun bo’lgan insonlar,
08:31
were the healthiest at age 80.
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80 yoshda sog’lomroq bo’lishar ekan.
08:35
And good, close relationships
seem to buffer us
seem to buffer us
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Yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar,
bizni taqdir zarbalari
bizni taqdir zarbalari
08:38
from some of the slings and arrows
of getting old.
of getting old.
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va keksalikdan himoya qiluvchi
qalqon kabi bo’lar ekan.
qalqon kabi bo’lar ekan.
08:42
Our most happily partnered men and women
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80 yoshdan oshgan eng baxtli juftliklar,
08:46
reported, in their 80s,
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bizga shunday deyishgan,
08:48
that on the days
when they had more physical pain,
when they had more physical pain,
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hatto eng qattiq jismoniy
og’riqlar paytlarida ham,
og’riqlar paytlarida ham,
08:51
their mood stayed just as happy.
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ular yaxshi kayfiyatda qolishar ekan.
08:54
But the people who were
in unhappy relationships,
in unhappy relationships,
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Lekin, baxtsiz munosabatda
bo'lgan insonlar esa,
bo'lgan insonlar esa,
08:57
on the days when they
reported more physical pain,
reported more physical pain,
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jismoniy og’riqlar paytida,
hissiy og’riq ularga qo’shilib,
hissiy og’riq ularga qo’shilib,
09:00
it was magnified by more emotional pain.
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ularning azobi kuchayar ekan.
09:04
And the third big lesson that we learned
about relationships and our health
about relationships and our health
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Biz munosabatlar va sog’liq haqidagi
o’zlashtirib olgan 3-saboqimiz,
o’zlashtirib olgan 3-saboqimiz,
09:08
is that good relationships
don't just protect our bodies,
don't just protect our bodies,
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yaxshi munosabatlar nafaqat
tanamizni himoyalaydi,
tanamizni himoyalaydi,
09:12
they protect our brains.
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balki miyamizni ham himoyalaydi
09:14
It turns out that being
in a securely attached relationship
in a securely attached relationship
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Shu narsa aniqlandiki,
80 yoshdan so’ng,
80 yoshdan so’ng,
09:19
to another person in your 80s
is protective,
is protective,
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mustahkam va ishonchli munosabatlarda
bo'lish, siz uchun himoya bo'ladi,
bo'lish, siz uchun himoya bo'ladi,
09:23
that the people who are in relationships
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boshqa insonga qiyin paytlarda
09:25
where they really feel they can count
on the other person in times of need,
on the other person in times of need,
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tayana oladigan munosabatlarda
bo'lgan insonlarning
bo'lgan insonlarning
09:29
those people's memories
stay sharper longer.
stay sharper longer.
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xotirasi yaxshiroq saqlanib qolinishi
ma'lum bo'ldi.
ma'lum bo'ldi.
09:32
And the people in relationships
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Va boshqa insonga
09:34
where they feel they really
can't count on the other one,
can't count on the other one,
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qiyin paytlarda tayana olmaydigan
munosabatlarda bo'lgan
munosabatlarda bo'lgan
09:37
those are the people who experience
earlier memory decline.
earlier memory decline.
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insonlarda xotira bilan muammolar
ancha oldin sodir bo’ladi.
ancha oldin sodir bo’ladi.
09:42
And those good relationships,
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
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Shu bilan birga, yaxshi munosabatlar,
har doim beg’uborlik degani emas.
har doim beg’uborlik degani emas.
09:46
Some of our octogenarian couples
could bicker with each other
could bicker with each other
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80 yoshdan oshgan ba’zi juftliklarimizda,
kecha va kunduz
kecha va kunduz
09:49
day in and day out,
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janjal davom etishi mumkin, lekin,
09:51
but as long as they felt that they
could really count on the other
could really count on the other
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modomiki ular, bir-birlarini
qo’llab-quvvatlashni davom etishsa,
qo’llab-quvvatlashni davom etishsa,
09:54
when the going got tough,
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bunday janjallar ularning xotirasiga,
09:56
those arguments didn't take a toll
on their memories.
on their memories.
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katta zarar yetkazib bera olmasligi
ma'lum bo'ldi.
ma'lum bo'ldi.
10:01
So this message,
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Asosiy fikr shundaki,
10:04
that good, close relationships
are good for our health and well-being,
are good for our health and well-being,
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yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar,
salomatlik va yaxshi kayfiyat garovidir,
salomatlik va yaxshi kayfiyat garovidir,
10:10
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.
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ha, bu donolik dunyo kabi eskidir.
10:13
Why is this so hard to get
and so easy to ignore?
and so easy to ignore?
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Nima uchun buni o’zlashtirish qiyin,
e’tiborsiz qoldirish esa oson?
e’tiborsiz qoldirish esa oson?
10:17
Well, we're human.
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Chunki biz oddiy odammiz.
10:19
What we'd really like is a quick fix,
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Biz hayotimizni yaxshilaydigan va
10:21
something we can get
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uni shunday qoldiradigan
10:23
that'll make our lives good
and keep them that way.
and keep them that way.
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qisqa va tez muddatli echimlarni
afzal ko’ramiz.
afzal ko’ramiz.
10:27
Relationships are messy
and they're complicated
and they're complicated
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Lekin munosabatlarda hech
qanday kafolat yo’q,
qanday kafolat yo’q,
10:30
and the hard work of tending
to family and friends,
to family and friends,
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ular juda murakkab va sizdan har doim
oila va do’stlaringiz
oila va do’stlaringiz
10:34
it's not sexy or glamorous.
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uchun harakatni talab qilashadi.
10:37
It's also lifelong. It never ends.
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Bu butun umr ishidir.
Va buning oxiri yo’q.
Va buning oxiri yo’q.
10:40
The people in our 75-year study
who were the happiest in retirement
who were the happiest in retirement
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Bizning 75 yillik tadqiqotimizda,
o’z hamkasblarini do'st qilgan
o’z hamkasblarini do'st qilgan
10:45
were the people who had actively worked
to replace workmates with new playmates.
to replace workmates with new playmates.
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ishtirokchilarimiz, nafaqaga chiqqan
eng baxtli insondirlar.
eng baxtli insondirlar.
10:51
Just like the millennials
in that recent survey,
in that recent survey,
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Huddi Millenium avlodi orasida
o’tkazilgan so’rovlarga kabi,
o’tkazilgan so’rovlarga kabi,
10:54
many of our men when they
were starting out as young adults
were starting out as young adults
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ishtirokchilarimizning yoshlik paytida
ko’pchiligi,
ko’pchiligi,
10:58
really believed that fame and wealth
and high achievement
and high achievement
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ulg’aygan paytlarida, boylik, shuhrat
va ulkan muvaffaqiyatlar,
va ulkan muvaffaqiyatlar,
11:02
were what they needed to go after
to have a good life.
to have a good life.
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ularga baxtli hayot uchun eng kerakli
narsa deb, chin dildan ishonishar edi.
narsa deb, chin dildan ishonishar edi.
11:06
But over and over, over these 75 years,
our study has shown
our study has shown
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Lekin 75 yil davomida o’tkazilgan
tadqiqotlar natijasida,
tadqiqotlar natijasida,
11:10
that the people who fared the best were
the people who leaned in to relationships,
the people who leaned in to relationships,
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do’stlari, oilasi va yaqin insonlari bilan
mustahkam munosabatlar qurish
mustahkam munosabatlar qurish
11:16
with family, with friends, with community.
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yaxshiroq ekanligi, bizga
qayta-qayta isbot bo’ldi.
qayta-qayta isbot bo’ldi.
11:21
So what about you?
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Siz nima deb o’ylaysiz?
11:23
Let's say you're 25,
or you're 40, or you're 60.
or you're 40, or you're 60.
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Aytaylik, hozir siz 25, 40
yoki 60 yoshdasiz.
yoki 60 yoshdasiz.
11:27
What might leaning in
to relationships even look like?
to relationships even look like?
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Siz uchun munosabatlarga kuch
sarflamoq nimani anglatadi?
sarflamoq nimani anglatadi?
11:31
Well, the possibilities
are practically endless.
are practically endless.
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Imkoniyatlar esa deyarli cheksiz.
11:35
It might be something as simple
as replacing screen time with people time
as replacing screen time with people time
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Bu ekran yonida o’tirishning o’rniga,
boshqa insonlar bilan vaqt o’tkazish,
boshqa insonlar bilan vaqt o’tkazish,
11:41
or livening up a stale relationship
by doing something new together,
by doing something new together,
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yoki munosabatlarni yangilash uchun
qiziq fikrlar o’ylab topish:
qiziq fikrlar o’ylab topish:
11:46
long walks or date nights,
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ko’chada aylanish
yoki kechki uchrashuvdir,
yoki kechki uchrashuvdir,
11:49
or reaching out to that family member
who you haven't spoken to in years,
who you haven't spoken to in years,
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yoki uzoq vaqtdan beri gaplashmagan
qarindoshga telefon qilish,
qarindoshga telefon qilish,
11:54
because those all-too-common family feuds
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chunki hammamizga ma’lumki,
bunday narsalar,
bunday narsalar,
11:57
take a terrible toll
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ko’pincha oilalardagi kelishmovchiliklar
12:00
on the people who hold the grudges.
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sababi bilan bo’ladi.
12:04
I'd like to close with a quote
from Mark Twain.
from Mark Twain.
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Men Mark Tvenning so’zlari
bilan yakunlamoqchiman.
bilan yakunlamoqchiman.
12:09
More than a century ago,
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Bir asrdan oldin,
12:11
he was looking back on his life,
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u o’z o’tgan hayotiga qarab,
12:14
and he wrote this:
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shunday yozgan edi:
12:16
"There isn't time, so brief is life,
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“Vaqt yo’q – umr juda qisqa,
12:20
for bickerings, apologies,
heartburnings, callings to account.
heartburnings, callings to account.
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fitnalikka, avf etishga, safro
va javobga da’vad qilishga.
va javobga da’vad qilishga.
12:26
There is only time for loving,
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Sevish uchun faqat vaqt bor,
12:29
and but an instant,
so to speak, for that."
so to speak, for that."
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lekin, shunga ham bir zum bor”.
12:34
The good life is built
with good relationships.
with good relationships.
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Yaxshi hayot faqat yaxshi
munosabatlar orqali quriladi.
munosabatlar orqali quriladi.
12:39
Thank you.
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Rahmat.
12:40
(Applause)
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(Qarsaklar).
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priestRobert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.
Why you should listen
Robert Waldinger is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and Zen priest. He is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and directs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies of adult life ever done. The Study tracked the lives of two groups of men for over 75 years, and it now follows their Baby Boomer children to understand how childhood experience reaches across decades to affect health and wellbeing in middle age. He writes about what science and Zen can teach us about healthy human development.
Dr. Waldinger is the author of numerous scientific papers as well as two books. He teaches medical students and psychiatry residents at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, and he is a Senior Dharma Teacher in Boundless Way Zen.
To keep abreast of research findings, insights and more, visit robertwaldinger.com.
Robert Waldinger | Speaker | TED.com