TED2014
Shaka Senghor: Why your worst deeds don’t define you
沙卡·桑戈尔: 为什么你最糟的一面不能定义你
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在1991年，沙卡·桑戈尔枪击并杀死了一个人。照他的话说，他曾是“一个贩毒者，脾气暴躁，还有一只半自动的手枪”，他因二级谋杀被监禁，这本可以是他故事的解决。但这并不是。相反，这只是他之后多年自我反省、救赎和补偿的开始，是令我们所有人谦逊和流泪的一课。
Shaka Senghor - Author
Using literature as a lifeline, Shaka Senghor escaped a cycle of prison and desperation. Now his story kindles hope in those who have little. Full bio
Using literature as a lifeline, Shaka Senghor escaped a cycle of prison and desperation. Now his story kindles hope in those who have little. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Twenty-three years ago,
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二十三年以前，
00:15
at the age of 19,
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在我十九岁的时候，
00:18
I shot and killed a man.
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我击中并杀害了一个人。
00:21
I was a young drug dealer
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我那时是年轻的贩毒者，
00:23
with a quick temper
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脾气暴躁，
00:25
and a semi-automatic pistol.
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有一只半自动的手枪。
00:30
But that wasn't the end of my story.
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但我的故事并未在此结束。
00:32
In fact, it was beginning,
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相反，它刚刚开始。
00:36
and the 23 years since
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这接下来的23年
00:39
is a story of acknowledgment,
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是一个关于承认，道歉，和补偿的故事。
00:42
apology and atonement.
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是一个关于承认，道歉，和补偿的故事。
00:46
But it didn't happen in the way
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但这故事并没有
00:47
that you might imagine or think.
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以你可能正在想象或认为的的方式发生。
00:51
These things occurred in my life
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尤其是对我来说，
00:52
in a way that was surprising,
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这些事情
00:54
especially to me.
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在我生命中以一种令人惊讶的方式发生。
00:56
See, like many of you,
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看，我像你们中的很多人一样长大，
00:59
growing up, I was an honor roll student,
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我是一个优秀生，
01:01
a scholarship student,
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一个有奖学金的学生，
01:03
with dreams of becoming a doctor.
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有着成为一个医生的梦想。
01:05
But things went dramatically wrong
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但是戏剧性的，
01:08
when my parents separated
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当我父母分家并最终离婚时
01:10
and eventually divorced.
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一切都变了。
01:14
The actual events are pretty straightforward.
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具体的事件其实很简单。
01:17
At the age of 17,
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在我17岁的时候，
01:19
I got shot three times
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我被枪击中了三次
01:21
standing on the corner of my block in Detroit.
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就在底特律我所居住的那个街区。
01:26
My friend rushed me to the hospital.
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我朋友赶忙把我送到医院。
01:28
Doctors pulled the bullets out,
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医生们把子弹拔出来，
01:32
patched me up,
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把伤口缝好，
01:33
and sent me back to the same
neighborhood where I got shot.
neighborhood where I got shot.
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又把我送回到了我被枪击的街区。
01:38
Throughout this ordeal,
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在这次磨难中，
01:40
no one hugged me,
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没有人抱过我，
01:43
no one counseled me,
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没有人安慰我，
01:45
no one told me I would be okay.
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没有人跟我说，一切都会好起来的。
01:48
No one told me that I would live in fear,
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没有人告诉过我，我会一直活在恐惧中，
01:51
that I would become paranoid,
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我会变成偏执狂，
01:53
or that I would react hyper-violently
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或者我对“被枪击”的反应将会极端暴力。
或者我对“被枪击”的反应将会极端暴力。
01:56
to being shot.
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01:59
No one told me that one day,
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没人告诉我，
02:02
I would become the person behind the trigger.
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有一天，我会变成扣动扳机的那个人。
02:06
Fourteen months later,
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十四个月之后，
02:08
at 2 a.m.,
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在凌晨两点，
02:11
I fired the shots
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我开了一枪，
02:13
that caused a man's death.
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并造成了一个人的死亡。
02:16
When I entered prison,
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当我进监狱时，
02:18
I was bitter, I was angry, I was hurt.
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我很痛苦，我很愤怒，我很受伤。
02:24
I didn't want to take responsibility.
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我不想承担这个责任。
02:27
I blamed everybody from my parents
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我把自己的过失归罪于所有人，
02:29
to the system.
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从我的父母，到社会制度。
02:32
I rationalized my decision to shoot
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我使自己开枪的动机合理化，
02:34
because in the hood where I come from,
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因为在我的成长阴影里，
02:36
it's better to be the shooter
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做一个射击者
02:38
than the person getting shot.
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总好过被别人开枪击中。
02:41
As I sat in my cold cell,
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当我坐在我冰冷的牢房里，
02:45
I felt helpless,
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我感觉十分无助，
02:46
unloved and abandoned.
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无人关爱，并被世界遗弃。
02:50
I felt like nobody cared,
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我觉得没有人在乎我，
02:54
and I reacted
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于是我带着敌意
02:56
with hostility to my confinement.
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反抗对我的监禁。
02:59
And I found myself getting
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然后我就发现，
03:00
deeper and deeper into trouble.
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自己越来越深得陷入了麻烦。
03:02
I ran black market stores,
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我在监狱里经营黑市，
03:05
I loan sharked,
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放高利贷，
03:08
and I sold drugs that were illegally smuggled
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出售非法偷运进监狱的毒品。
03:10
into the prison.
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出售非法偷运进监狱的毒品。
03:12
I had in fact become
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事实上，我的确成为了
03:13
what the warden of the Michigan Reformatory called
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密歇根少年教养院院长口中的
03:16
"the worst of the worst."
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“恶中之恶”。
03:19
And because of my activity,
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因为我的这些恶行，
03:21
I landed in solitary confinement
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在我的刑期中有七年半，
03:24
for seven and a half years
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我都被单独禁闭起来。
03:26
out of my incarceration.
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我都被单独禁闭起来。
03:29
Now as I see it, solitary confinement
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如今当我回顾时，
03:31
is one of the most inhumane and barbaric places
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单人监禁是你所能找到的
03:33
you can find yourself,
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是最无人道和最残酷的地方之一
03:36
but find myself I did.
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而我正置身其中。
03:39
One day, I was pacing my cell,
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一天，我正在牢房里踱步，
03:42
when an officer came and delivered mail.
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一个狱警进来派发邮件。
03:47
I looked at a couple of letters
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我先读了一些信件，
03:48
before I looked at the letter
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然后我看到了那封来自儿子的信，
03:50
that had my son's squiggly handwriting on it.
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他手写的字母还歪歪扭扭。
03:53
And anytime I would get a letter from my son,
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每当我收到我儿子写的信，
03:55
it was like a ray of light
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那信就像一束光，
03:57
in the darkest place you can imagine.
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射进了你能想象到的最黑暗的地方。
04:00
And on this particular day, I opened this letter,
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在那天，我打开这封信，
04:03
and in capital letters, he wrote,
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儿子用大写字母写道：
04:06
"My mama told me why you was in prison:
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“妈妈告诉我，
04:10
murder."
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你是因为谋杀而入狱的。”
04:12
He said, "Dad, don't kill.
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他说：“爸爸，别杀人。
04:14
Jesus watches what you do. Pray to Him."
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上帝能看到你的一举一动。向他祈祷吧。“
04:20
Now, I wasn't religious at that time,
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我当时并不信教，
04:22
nor am I religious now,
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我现在也不信教，
04:23
but it was something so profound
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但在我儿子的话中，
04:26
about my son's words.
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我看到了一些很深奥的东西。
04:29
They made me examine things about my life
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这些东西使我审视我的生命，
04:30
that I hadn't considered.
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思考那些我以前从未细思过的事情。
04:32
It was the first time in my life
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我第一次想到，
04:34
that I had actually thought about the fact
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我儿子将会视我为一个杀人犯。
04:36
that my son would see me as a murderer.
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我儿子将会视我为一个杀人犯。
04:40
I sat back on my bunk
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我坐回我的铺位上，
04:42
and I reflected on something I had read
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《柏拉图》中的片段在我脑中闪现。
04:44
in [Plato],
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《柏拉图》中的片段在我脑中闪现。
04:46
where Socrates stated in "Apology"
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在《申辩篇》中苏格拉底说道，
04:48
that the unexamined life isn't worth living.
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”浑浑噩噩的生活不值得过。“
04:53
At that point is when the transformation began.
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这一刻，是我生命转变的开始。
04:58
But it didn't come easy.
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但想转变并非轻而易举。
在转变中，
05:03
One of the things I realized,
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05:05
which was part of the transformation,
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我意识到
05:07
was that there were four key things.
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关键点有四个。
05:11
The first thing was,
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第一，
05:13
I had great mentors.
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我有很好的导师。
05:16
Now, I know some of you all are probably thinking,
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我知道你们有些人可能在想，
05:18
how did you find a great mentor in prison?
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你是怎么在监狱里找到很好的导师呢？
05:21
But in my case,
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但是在我的经历中，
05:24
some of my mentors
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我的一些导师
05:25
who are serving life sentences
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尽管处于终身监禁
05:27
were some of the best people
to ever come into my life,
to ever come into my life,
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却是我走进我生命中的最好的人。
05:30
because they forced me to look at my life honestly,
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因为他们迫使我去诚实地看待自己的经历，
05:33
and they forced me to challenge myself
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也迫使我去挑战我曾做过的决定。
05:35
about my decision making.
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也迫使我去挑战我曾做过的决定。
05:37
The second thing was literature.
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第二件重要之物是文学。
05:41
Prior to going to prison,
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在进监狱之前，
05:43
I didn't know that there were so many brilliant
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我并不知道世界上有这么多优秀的黑人诗人、作者和哲学家。
05:45
black poets, authors and philosophers,
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但之后我读了Malcolm X的自传，
05:48
and then I had the great fortune
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这对我来说是宝贵的财富，
05:51
of encountering Malcolm X's autobiography,
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它动摇了我对自己所有的成见。
05:56
and it shattered every
stereotype I had about myself.
stereotype I had about myself.
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它动摇了我对自己所有的成见。
06:00
The third thing was family.
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第三件重要之物是家庭。
06:03
For 19 years, my father stood by my side
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19年来，我父亲一直支持着我
06:07
with an unshakable faith,
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因为他相信我有能力
06:10
because he believed that I had what it took
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把自己的生活转入正轨。
06:11
to turn my life around.
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把自己的生活转入正轨。
06:14
I also met an amazing woman
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我也遇到了一位令人赞叹的女性，
06:17
who is now the mother of
my two-year-old son Sekou,
my two-year-old son Sekou,
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她就是我两岁儿子Sekou的母亲。
06:20
and she taught me how to love myself
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她教会了我
06:22
in a healthy way.
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如何用一种健康的方式爱自己。
06:26
The final thing was writing.
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最后一件重要之物是写作。
06:29
When I got that letter from my son,
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当我收到我儿子的来信时，
06:31
I began to write a journal
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我开始写一本日记
06:33
about things I had experienced in my childhood
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记载我童年和在监狱里的经历，
06:36
and in prison,
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记载我童年和在监狱里的经历，
06:38
and what it did is it opened up my mind to the idea
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以及这些经历是怎样让我
06:42
of atonement.
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明白“补偿”的概念。
06:45
Earlier in my incarceration, I had received
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在我被囚禁的早期，
06:47
a letter from one of the relatives of my victim,
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我曾接到过一封来自受害人家属的信。
06:50
and in that letter,
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信里，
06:53
she told me she forgave me,
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她说她已经原谅我了，
06:55
because she realized I was a young child
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因为她意识到我只是个
06:57
who had been abused
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幼时被虐待过的孩子，
06:58
and had been through some hardships
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还经历过许多苦难，
07:00
and just made a series of poor decisions.
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才会做出一系列错误的决定。
07:03
It was the first time in my life
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这是我此生第一次
07:05
that I ever felt open to forgiving myself.
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觉得或许我也能够原谅自己。
07:13
One of the things that happened
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收到这封信之后，
07:14
after that experience is that
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收到这封信之后，
07:17
I thought about the other men who were incarcerated
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我想到在我身边
07:19
alongside of me,
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其他被囚禁的人们，
07:20
and how much I wanted to share this with them.
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我想把这种感悟分享给他们。
07:23
And so I started talking to them about
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于是我就开始和他们聊天，
07:25
some of their experiences,
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了解他们所经历过的事.
07:27
and I was devastated to realize
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令我极为震惊的是，
07:29
that most of them came from
the same abusive environments,
the same abusive environments,
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他们中的大部分都曾和我一样在幼时饱受虐待，
07:32
And most of them wanted help
and they wanted to turn it around,
and they wanted to turn it around,
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他们渴望得到帮助，渴望改正自己，
07:35
but unfortunately the system
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可不幸的是，现在的体系
07:37
that currently holds 2.5 million people in prison
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像个仓库，关押了250万的囚犯，
07:40
is designed to warehouse
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像个仓库，关押了250万的囚犯，
07:43
as opposed to rehabilitate or transform.
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却没有帮助他们改过自新、转变观念。
07:47
So I made it up in my mind
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所以我暗下决心，
07:49
that if I was ever released from prison
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如果有一天我能被从监狱里释放
07:51
that I would do everything in my power
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我会竭尽全力去改变这样的现状。
07:53
to help change that.
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我会竭尽全力去改变这样的现状。
07:57
In 2010, I walked out of prison
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2010年，我在被关押了20多年后
07:59
for the first time after two decades.
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第一次走出监狱。
现在，如果你愿意，请想象一下，
08:03
Now imagine, if you will,
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一个远古时代的人突然踏进了未来时空。
08:04
Fred Flintstone walking into an episode
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(原句：”卡通角色‘摩登原始人’走入了以未来世界为主题的动画片'杰森一家'“)
08:07
of "The Jetsons."
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08:09
That was pretty much what my life was like.
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我当时的感受大概如此。
08:12
For the first time, I was exposed to the Internet,
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我第一次接触到互联网，
08:15
social media,
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社会媒体，
08:17
cars that talk like KITT from "Knight Rider."
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带有语音的汽车，就像在科幻电影中一样。
08:21
But the thing that fascinated me the most
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但最令我着迷的，
08:23
was phone technology.
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还是通信技术。
08:25
See, when I went to prison,
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当我进监狱时，
08:26
our car phones were this big
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我们的电话有这么大，
08:28
and required two people to carry them.
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必须有两个人才能搬起来。
08:30
So imagine what it was like when I first grabbed
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所以，想象一下我第一次拿起黑莓手机时的情景，
08:33
my little Blackberry
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所以，想象一下我第一次拿起黑莓手机时的情景，
08:35
and I started learning how to text.
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然后我开始学习如何发短信。
08:37
But the thing is, the people around me,
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但问题是，我身边的人，
08:38
they didn't realize that I had no idea
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他们并没有意识到
08:40
what all these abbreviated texts meant,
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我完全不了解各种短信缩写的含义，
08:43
like LOL, OMG, LMAO,
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比如lol（大笑），omg（天啊），lmao（笑死了）。
08:48
until one day I was having a conversation
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直到有一天
08:49
with one of my friends via text,
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我和朋友在互发短信。
08:52
and I asked him to do something,
and he responded back, "K."
and he responded back, "K."
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我请他帮忙做一件事，他回复：”k“。
08:56
And I was like, "What is K?"
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我说，”什么是k？“
08:59
And he was like, "K is okay."
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他说，”k没事”（多意：k就是okay）。
09:01
So in my head, I was like,
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我当时就想，
09:02
"Well what the hell is wrong with K?"
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“k难道会有事吗？”
09:05
And so I text him a question mark.
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所以我给他回了一个问号。
09:07
And he said, "K = okay."
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于是他又说，“k=okay”。
09:11
And so I tap back, "FU." (Laughter)
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我回复，“FU（去你x的）”。（笑声）
09:16
And then he texts back, and he asks me
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他问，“你干嘛骂我？”
09:17
why was I cussing him out.
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他问，“你干嘛骂我？”
09:19
And I said, "LOL FU,"
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我说，“lol（大笑），FU （去你x的）”，
09:22
as in, I finally understand.
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我这就会用缩写了。
09:23
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:25
And so fast forward three years,
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这样过去了三年，
09:29
I'm doing relatively good.
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我就过得不错了。
09:31
I have a fellowship at MIT Media Lab,
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我在MIT的媒体实验室加入了一个项目，
09:33
I work for an amazing company called BMe,
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我为令人惊叹的BMe工作，
09:37
I teach at the University of Michigan,
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我在密歇根大学教书，
09:39
but it's been a struggle
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但我内心又开始斗争，
09:41
because I realize that there are more
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因为我意识到有更多的人
09:42
men and women coming home
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从监狱出来，
09:44
who are not going to be
afforded those opportunities.
afforded those opportunities.
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没有办法接触到这样的机会。
09:47
I've been blessed to work with some amazing
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我曾很幸运的和一些杰出的人
09:49
men and women,
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一起工作，
帮助其他被释放的人重新进入社会。
09:52
helping others reenter society,
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09:53
and one of them is my friend named Calvin Evans.
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其中一个，我的朋友，Calvin Evans。
09:58
He served 24 years for a crime he didn't commit.
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他被判冤狱，坐了24年牢。
10:01
He's 45 years old. He's currently enrolled in college.
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他45岁了，现在正在上大学。
10:04
And one of the things that we talked about
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现在，像我们在开头说过，
10:06
is the three things that I found important
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那三样我觉得在自己转变中
10:08
in my personal transformation,
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最为重要的事，
10:09
the first being acknowledgment.
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第一就是承认。
10:11
I had to acknowledge that I had hurt others.
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我必须承认，我曾经伤害过他人。
10:14
I also had to acknowledge that I had been hurt.
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我也必须承认，我曾被伤害过。
10:17
The second thing was apologizing.
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第二件是道歉。
10:19
I had to apologize to the people I had hurt.
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我必须向被我伤害过的人们道歉。
10:21
Even though I had no expectations
of them accepting it,
of them accepting it,
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尽管我并不期望他们会接受我的道歉，
10:23
it was important to do because it was the right thing.
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道歉仍然很重要，因为道歉是正确的事。
10:26
But I also had to apologize to myself.
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可我也必须要向自己道歉。
10:29
The third thing was atoning.
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第三件事是补偿。
10:32
For me, atoning meant
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对我而言，补偿意味着
10:33
going back into my community
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回到我生长的社区中，
10:35
and working with at-risk youth
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帮助那些正跟我以前走着同样道路
10:36
who were on the same path,
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有风险的儿童。
10:38
but also becoming at one with myself.
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同时我也成为他们其中的一员。
10:42
Through my experience of being locked up,
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经过我的监狱生涯，
10:44
one of the things I discovered is this:
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我发现大部分被监禁的人，
10:46
the majority of men and women
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我发现大部分被监禁的人，
10:47
who are incarcerated are redeemable,
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都并非无可救药。
10:51
and the fact is,
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事实上，
10:52
90 percent of the men and
women who are incarcerated
women who are incarcerated
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90%被监禁的人
10:54
will at some point return to the community,
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在某一时刻都会回归到社会中。
10:57
and we have a role in determining what kind
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而我们能影响着
10:59
of men and women return to our community.
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他们回归社会后会变成怎样的人。
11:02
My wish today
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我今天的希望
11:05
is that we will embrace
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是我们能以一种
11:09
a more empathetic approach
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更有同情心的态度
11:11
toward how we deal with mass incarceration,
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讨论我们该如何对待被关押人员，
11:14
that we will do away with
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我们会放弃
11:15
the lock-them-up-and-throw-away-the-key mentality,
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那种把他们锁起来然后扔掉钥匙的态度，
11:18
because it's proven it doesn't work.
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因为这种态度已被证明毫无用处。
11:21
My journey is a unique journey,
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我的经历是独特的，
11:24
but it doesn't have to be that way.
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但它本可以有其他的变化。
11:27
Anybody can have a transformation
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每个人都可以改变，
11:29
if we create the space for that to happen.
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只要我们给他们足够的空间。
11:32
So what I'm asking today
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所以今天我所请求的，
11:34
is that you envision
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是你们对未来的预想，
11:35
a world where men and women
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想象有一个世界，
11:38
aren't held hostage to their pasts,
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所有人对自己的过去都没有敌意，
11:41
where misdeeds and mistakes
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我们犯的错误和罪行
11:43
don't define you for the rest of your life.
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都不能定义我们余下的一生。
11:46
I think collectively, we can create that reality,
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我想，我们可以一起创造这个未来，
11:49
and I hope you do too.
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并且我希望，你也是这么想的。
11:50
Thank you.
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谢谢。
11:52
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Shaka Senghor - AuthorUsing literature as a lifeline, Shaka Senghor escaped a cycle of prison and desperation. Now his story kindles hope in those who have little.
Why you should listen
At the age of 19, Shaka Senghor went to prison fuming with anger and despair. Senghor was a drug dealer in Detroit, and one night, he shot and killed a man who showed up on his doorstep. While serving his sentence for second-degree murder, Senghor discovered redemption and responsibility through literature -- starting with The Autobiography of Malcolm X -- and through his own writing.
Upon his release at the age of 38, Senghor reached out to young men following his same troubled path, and published Live in Peace as part of an outreach program bringing hope to kids in Detroit and across the Midwest. His activism attracted the attention of the MIT Media Lab, and as a Director’s Fellow, Senghor has collaborated on imagining creative solutions for the problems plaguing distressed communities. His memoir, Writing My Wrongs, was published in 2013.
Shaka Senghor | Speaker | TED.com