TED2008
John Hodgman: Aliens, love -- where are they?
John Hodgman: 漫谈时光流逝
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Readability: 3.6
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幽默家 John Hodgman 通过一个关于外星人，医疗，时间，空间的方法讲述了一个甜蜜，完美的爱情故事。
John Hodgman - Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign. Full bio
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
You all know this story.
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你们都知道这个故事.
00:20
In the summer of 1950,
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在1950年的夏天,
00:22
Enrico Fermi, the Italian-American physicist
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Enrico Fermi, 美籍意大利物理学家
00:24
and atomic-pile builder,
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和原子堆创造者
00:27
went to lunch at Los Alamos National Laboratory
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在Los Alamos国家实验室和一些同事们共进午餐,
00:29
and joined some colleagues there, and asked them a question:
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问他们一些问题:
00:32
"Where is everybody?"
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"大家都在哪里?"
00:34
This confused his colleagues, obviously,
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很显然,这句话把大家整蒙了.
00:37
because they were sitting right there with him.
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因为他们正跟他坐在一起.
00:39
And then he had to clarify that he wasn't talking about them.
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当时他不得不解释说他不是在跟他们讲话.
00:42
He was talking about the space aliens.
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他当时正和太空外星人讲话.
00:45
You see, this was only a few years after
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你看,这件事发生在
00:47
the supposed flying saucer crash
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新墨西哥州的罗斯威尔
00:49
at Roswell, New Mexico.
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飞碟坠毁事件的几年之后.
00:51
And even though that turned out to be nothing,
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虽然结果是什么都没有,
00:53
nothing at all --
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什么都没有--
00:55
(Laughter) --
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(笑声)
00:58
merely a downed weather balloon
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仅仅是天上掉下来的一个气象气球,
01:00
piloted by small hairless men
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一个张着大嘴的秃子
01:03
with slits for mouths ...
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驾驶的气球.
01:06
Still, America had gone saucer-mad,
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然而, 美国人已经对飞碟过敏了,
01:08
even famous scientists
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即使是正在吃饭的
01:10
who were eating lunch.
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著名科学家.
01:12
Fermi's reasoning, if I may paraphrase badly,
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Fermi的推论, 恕我诠释的不好,
01:14
is that the universe is so vast
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这宇宙是如此的宽广
01:16
that it stands to reason,
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顺理成章
01:18
there should be other intelligent life out there.
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会有其它睿智的生命存在于宇宙中.
01:21
And the universe is so old
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而且宇宙是如此的古老
01:23
that unless we were the very first civilization ever to evolve,
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除非我们是第一个进化的文明,
01:26
we should have some evidence of their existence by now.
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我们现在应该有一些外星人存在的证据.
01:29
And yet, to the best of our knowledge, we are alone.
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然而, 据我们所知, 我们是孤独的.
01:32
"Where is everybody?" asked Fermi,
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"大家都在哪里?" Fermi问,
01:35
and his colleagues had no answer.
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他和他的同事都没法回答.
01:38
Fermi then went on with the same blunt logic
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Fermi之后就继续用这种愚笨的逻辑
01:40
to disprove fairies,
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去反驳童话,还有
01:42
Sasquatch, God,
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大脚野人, 上帝,
01:44
the possibility of love --
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真爱的可能性--
01:47
and thereafter, as you know,
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再后来, 你也知道,
01:49
Enrico Fermi ate alone.
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Enrico Fermi自此独自用餐.
01:51
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
01:54
Now,
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现在,
01:55
I am not a scientist.
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我不是一名科学家.
01:58
I have never built an atomic pile.
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我从来没创造过原子堆.
02:01
Although, I might argue that, technically,
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虽然, 我很可能会争论,技术上讲.
02:03
every pile is atomic.
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任何一个堆都是由原子构成的.
02:05
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
02:08
However, with respect, I might point out two possibilities
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无论如何, 带着景仰, 我要指出Enrico Fermi也许
02:11
that Enrico Fermi perhaps did not consider.
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没有考虑到的两种可能.
02:14
One is that the aliens might be
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一种是外星人也许
02:16
very far away.
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非常非常远.
02:18
Perhaps, I dare say,
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大概吧, 我敢说,
02:20
even on other planets.
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甚至在其它的行星上.
02:23
The other possibility --
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另一种可能性 --
02:25
(Laughter) --
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(笑声)
02:27
is, perhaps, Enrico Fermi himself
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就是, 有可能 Enrico Fermi本人
02:29
was an alien.
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就是一个外星人.
02:31
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
02:34
Think about it.
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想像一下.
02:36
Isn't it a little convenient
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在世界大战期间,
02:38
that in the midst of the World War, out of nowhere,
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一个不知道哪里来的意大利科学家
02:41
suddenly an Italian scientist showed up
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突然带着一种可以改变世界的
02:43
with an amazing new technology
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令人吃惊的新技术
02:45
that would transform everything in the world
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出现在世界面前,
02:47
and darken the history of the human species forever after?
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并且自此改变了人类历史. 这是不是太轻松了?
02:51
And isn't it a little strange
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并且是不是有点奇怪
02:53
that he required no payment for this?
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他并不要求任何报酬?
02:56
That he asked for only one thing --
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他只要求一件事:
02:58
a gift of two healthy sperm whales?
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要两个健康的抹香鲸作为礼物?
03:01
That's -- that's not true.
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当然, 那并不是真的.
03:03
But it is strange.
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不过太怪异了.
03:05
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
03:09
And if Enrico Fermi were indeed a space alien,
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并且如果 Enrico Fermi 当时真是一个外星人,
03:12
wouldn't he be the first to have tried to convince
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他为什么不先去
03:14
his fellow scientists
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尝试说服他身边的科学家
03:16
that the space aliens are not already here?
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外星人还没有来过?
03:20
For it is given in certain UFO-ology
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对于发表的飞碟学说
03:22
or UFOlogy circles,
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或者不明飞行物学说,
03:25
that the aliens are already here and have been for millennia;
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他们认为外星人曾经来访并且千年之前就曾来过.
03:28
that they have walked among us in disguise,
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他们带着伪装跟我们一起生活,
03:30
observing us, guiding our evolution
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观察我们, 引导我们进化
03:32
from ape to man --
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从猿到人 --
03:34
if you believe in that sort of thing --
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如果你相信这种东西的话.
03:37
and, occasionally, kidnapping us in their flying saucers
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并且, 他们偶然把我们绑架到他们的飞碟
03:40
and taking us away to have sex with us in pyramids.
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并把我们带到金字塔里发生性关系.
03:43
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
03:45
It's a difficult theory to discount,
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这是一个没有人相信的深奥的理论,
03:47
I think you'll agree.
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我想你也这么认为的.
03:49
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
03:51
For even in my own life,
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即使在我的生活中
03:53
there are memories I have
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也有些回忆是我很难
03:55
that are difficult to explain --
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能够解释的通的 --
03:57
happenings that are so odd and unaccountably weird,
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有些事情就那么非常神奇的,莫明奇妙的发生了.
03:59
that it is difficult to imagine
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所以很难想像
04:01
they were not the result
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我们的一生中,
04:03
of prolonged and frequent contact with aliens throughout my life.
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他们始终坚持并且频繁的联系外星人
04:06
For how else will you explain
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对于其它你要说的
04:08
the amazing and absolutely true
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那些我亲身经历的
04:10
close encounters that I had
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令人吃惊并且绝对真实的遭遇
04:12
and will describe to you now?
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我现在就告诉你.
04:15
Encounter one: Ocean City, New Jersey, 1980.
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遭遇一: 1980年 新泽西的欧欣城.
04:17
This was the summer when the special edition of
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那是个夏天, 正好赶上《第三类接触》的
04:20
"Close Encounters of the Third Kind" was released.
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特别版发布.
04:22
And I went on vacation with my parents to the Jersey shore.
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我和父母一起去新泽西的滨海度假.
04:25
Within 12 hours, I was horribly sunburned,
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我在12个小时内被严重的晒伤,
04:28
just like Richard Dreyfuss in the movie.
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严重的就像电影里的Richard Dreyfuss.
04:30
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
04:31
And so I spent the rest of the vacation
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所以我剩余的假期,
04:34
largely sitting outside our little rental house at night,
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基本上只能在晚上坐在我们租来的小房子外面,
04:37
the sidewalk still warm from the sun,
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享受人行道残存的太阳余温,
04:39
watching the skies for UFOs.
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寻找着天空的不明飞行物.
04:42
What did I see? Stars, satellites,
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我都是看到了什么? 星星, 人造卫星,
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blinking airplanes -- typical sky junk.
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闪砾的飞机 -- 典型的天空垃圾.
04:47
Occasionally, kids would come and
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小朋友们偶尔会过来,
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join me and watch,
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加入我一起观察,
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but their necks soon got sore, and they would go off to the boardwalk
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他们的脖子很快就酸了, 所以他们离开人行道
04:53
to play video games and mingle with humans.
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去玩游戏机或找别人玩.
04:56
I was pretty good at the video games. I was not very good at the other part,
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我曾很擅长游戏机. 但我不擅长别的,
04:59
so I stayed alone with the cosmos.
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所以我还是一个人跟宇宙呆着吧.
05:02
And that's when it happened.
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就是在这时发生的,
05:04
An elderly couple came walking down the street.
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一对老夫妇在街上溜达.
05:07
I would say they were in their late seventies,
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我觉得他们有七十多了,
05:09
and I would say that they were on a date,
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还觉得他们在约会,
05:11
because he was wearing a very neat little suit
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因为他穿着很整洁的套装
05:14
with a yellow tie -- a brown suit.
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棕色套装里还打着黄领带.
05:16
And she was wearing a cardigan, because it was now fully night
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因为并不是深夜, 女士穿了一件羊毛上衣,
05:19
and a chill was coming in off the ocean.
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凉风从海面上吹过来.
05:21
I remember, for some reason,
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我记得, 出于某种原因,
05:23
that they were exactly the same height.
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他们身高相同.
05:26
And then they stopped, and the man turned to me
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然后他们停住了, 这个男人转向身
05:28
and said,
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问我,
05:30
"What are you looking for,
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"你在看什么呢?"
05:32
flying saucers?"
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"飞碟?"
05:34
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
05:37
You have to admit, that's a pretty boss piece of detective work
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你不得不承认, 这个老男人在约会时
05:40
for an old man on a date.
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非常像一名侦探.
05:42
But what was stranger still --
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但还有很奇怪的是 --
05:44
and even I realized it at the time,
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我意识到了在那个时间,
05:46
as a nine-year-old child --
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作为一个九岁的小孩 --
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was that they stopped at all.
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他们停下来
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That this old man would interrupt his moonlight stroll
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这个老男人在跟他女朋友在月光下停下来
05:52
with his sweetheart with the precise reason
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用一个准确的问题
05:54
of making fun of a child.
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去跟一个小孩看玩笑.
05:57
"Oh," he said,
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"哦." 他说,
05:59
"little green men."
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"小绅士."
06:01
And then his girlfriend joined in, too.
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这时, 他女朋友也加入进来.
06:04
"There's no such thing as space men," she said.
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"外星人根本不存在," 她说.
06:06
"There's no such thing."
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"没那种东西."
06:09
And then they both laughed. "Ha, ha, ha."
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然后他们同时哈哈一笑.
06:12
I looked around.
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我环顾四周.
06:14
The street was entirely empty.
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街道已经全空了.
06:16
I had stopped hearing the sound of the ocean.
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我听不到大海的声音.
06:18
It was as though time had stopped.
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仿佛时间停止了.
06:21
I did not know why they were teasing me.
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我不知道他们为什么逗我.
06:23
I looked into their strangely angry faces,
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我观察他们陌生的脸孔,
06:26
and I remember wondering,
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并且我感觉很奇怪
06:28
are they wearing rubber masks?
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他们是不是带的橡胶面具?
06:30
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
06:32
And what would be behind those rubber masks, if they were?
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躲在面具后面的是什么?
06:35
Giant, almond-shaped, unblinking eyes?
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他们是不是有一双巨大的, 一眨不眨的杏仁一样的双眼?
06:39
Slits for mouths?
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裂缝一样的嘴巴?
06:41
The old man crooked his finger as though he were firing a gun,
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这个做了一个开枪的手势,
06:43
and then he made laser sounds.
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并且他发出激光枪的声音,
06:45
"Kew, kew, kew --
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咻,咻,咻--
06:47
watch out."
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"小心!"
06:49
And they turned at once and walked away.
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然后他们转身接着散步.
06:51
The old man reached out
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那个老男人伸出
06:53
his knobbly claw
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他年迈粗糙的手
06:55
for the woman's hand,
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拉住女人的手,
06:57
and found it, and left me alone.
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然后留下我一个人.
06:59
Now, you could describe this as a simple misunderstanding --
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现在, 你可以把这个当成一次简单的误会 --
07:02
a strange encounter among humans.
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一个人类之间的奇怪的邂逅.
07:04
Maybe it was swamp gas, but --
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也许它只是浮云, 但是 --
07:06
(Laughter) --
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(笑声)
07:08
I know what I saw.
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我知道我看到了什么.
07:11
Close encounter two: Brookline, Massachusetts, 1984.
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遭遇二: 1984年马萨诸塞的布鲁克林
07:15
I went to see the movie "Dune,"
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我去那里看电影"沙丘"
07:17
and a girl talked to me. Now, on its face --
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一个女孩跟我搭讪, 从表面上看 --
07:20
(Laughter) --
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(笑声)
07:23
this is impossible on its face, I realize --
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我意识到,这从表面上看是不可能的 --
07:25
but it is absolutely true.
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但它确实是真的.
07:27
It was opening night, naturally.
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当时是首场演出. 自然地.
07:29
I went with my friend Tim McGonigal, who sat on my left.
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我跟我的朋友Tim McGonigal一起去看的, 他坐我左边.
07:32
On my right was the girl in question.
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我右边是问我问题的女孩儿.
07:34
She had long, curly black hair, a blue jean jacket.
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她有长长的,卷曲的头发, 蓝色的工服.
07:37
I remember, she had some sort of injury to her ankle,
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我记得,她的脚有点受伤,
07:40
an Ace bandage, and she had crutches.
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有绑带和拐杖.
07:42
She was very tall, I would say.
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我认为她很高,
07:44
I was starting high school at the time. I would say she was a junior,
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我那时是高年级学员. 我觉得她应该是低年级的,
07:47
but I had never seen her before. She didn't go to my school.
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但我从来没有见到过他. 她也不去我们学校.
07:49
I didn't know her name, and I never will.
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我不知道她的名字, 知道也白搭.
07:52
She was sitting with someone who I presume was her mother,
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她跟一个像她妈妈一样的人一起坐着,
07:54
and they were talking about the novel, "Dune."
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她们正在讨论小说<沙丘>
07:57
They were both big fans, mother and daughter --
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她们都是爱好者, 妈妈和女儿 --
07:59
very unusual.
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这不常见.
08:01
They were talking about how their favorite characters
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她们正在讨论最喜欢的角色
08:03
were the giant sandworms.
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是那个巨大的沙虫.
08:06
And then it got stranger.
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这时, 事情变的更怪了.
08:08
That's when she turned to me and said,
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那时, 她转向我并问道,
08:10
"Are you looking forward to seeing the movie?"
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"你期待看这部电影吗?"
08:13
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
08:15
First of all, I was embarrassed
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刚开始, 我很尴尬
08:16
because I had not read the novel "Dune" at that time.
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因为我从来没读过小说<沙丘>.
08:19
I was merely a connoisseur of movies
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我仅仅一个沙漠行星主演电影的
08:21
featuring desert planets, as I still am.
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一个影片鉴赏家, 现在也是.
08:23
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
08:25
But it was also the tone of how she asked the question:
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但她还是问了很多的问题:
08:27
apropos of nothing, like she didn't even care about the answer,
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没什么实质的东西, 就像她根本不介意答案一样,
08:30
as though she just wanted to talk to me.
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仿佛她只是想跟我聊天一样.
08:34
I did not know what to say. I said, "Yes."
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我不知道要说什么. 我只说"是的."
08:37
I did not even turn my head.
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我甚至都不转过头来.
08:40
The movie began.
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电影开始了.
08:42
I need not remind you that this was David Lynch's version of "Dune,"
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我不需要提醒你那部电影是David Lynch版本,
08:45
in which all of the characters
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在所有的角色里,
08:48
were sexy and deformed at the same time.
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畸形和性感同时存在.
08:50
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
08:52
There was a character called the Third-Stage Guild Navigator,
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有一个字符称为剧场版航海家,
08:55
which was a kind of giant, floating fetus-creature
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这是一个巨大的池塘,她孕育着生命
08:58
that lived in a giant tank with this orange mist
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这个巨大的池塘散发着香橙的
09:01
of psychedelic spice
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迷幻味道
09:03
swirling around him,
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环绕着他,
09:05
allowing him to bend space and time.
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让他有能力扭曲时间与空间.
09:07
He could never leave the tank
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并永远不能离开这个池塘
09:09
or interact with the outside world.
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或者说与外界有任何联系.
09:11
He had become, in his isolation,
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他认为,在他的世界,
09:13
so deformed and so sexy,
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丑陋与性感是并存的,
09:15
that he had to talk through a kind of old-timey radio
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他通过一种老式的电台
09:18
to the outside world, and could never touch them.
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向外界传播,但是永远触及不到他们.
09:21
I mean, I liked him a lot better than the sandworms.
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我是说,我喜欢他们胜过沙虫.
09:24
The sandworms were fine, but your favorite character?
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沙虫固然好,但你认为它是我的菜?
09:27
Please.
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不是吧.
09:29
When the movie ended,
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当影片结束,
09:31
everyone seemed very happy
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每个人洋溢着笑容
09:33
to get up and get out of the theatre as soon as possible.
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都匆忙的走出了影院.
09:36
Except for the girl.
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除了一个女孩.
09:38
As I walked out, her pace slowed.
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当我走过她身边,她放缓步伐.
09:40
Perhaps it was the crutches,
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也许她拄着拐杖,
09:42
but it seemed --
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假装是这样--
09:44
(Laughter) --
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(笑声)
09:46
it seemed as though she might want to talk to me again.
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看来她还想和我搭讪.
09:50
When I say it out loud, it sounds so ridiculous,
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当我说出来,听起来却很滑稽,
09:53
but I can only come to the conclusion
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我只能得出这样的结论
09:55
that it was what, in the alien abductee community,
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这是一个外星球社区
09:58
they call a "screen memory":
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他们称之为"萤幕记忆."
10:01
a ridiculous false recollection designed by their brain
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大脑给他们一个可笑错误的记忆
10:04
to cover up some trauma -- say, of being kidnapped
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去掩盖一些创伤--被外星人绑架后
10:06
and flown off to a sex pyramid.
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飞往金字塔发生性关系.
10:08
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
10:10
And so I sure am glad
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我当然很高兴
10:12
I did not slow down to talk to her.
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所以我并没有慢下脚步跟她说话.
10:14
I sure am glad I never saw her again.
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我很高兴从那时起我再没见过她.
10:18
Close encounter three: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
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遭遇三:宾夕法尼亚州的费城,
10:21
1989.
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1989年
10:23
In the mid-to-late '80s,
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八十世纪末,
10:25
the novelist Whitley Strieber wrote a book called "Communion,"
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小说家Whitley Strieber写了本自传<交流>,
10:28
in which he described his own lifelong experiences
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自传中他描述了
10:30
being abducted by aliens.
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被外星人绑架的经历.
10:33
And he also described the phenomenon known in this community
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还有一些奇怪的现象
10:35
as "lost time,"
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称之为"间接性失忆"
10:37
where Whitley Strieber would suddenly become aware
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Whitley Strieber突然意识到
10:39
that he could not remember the previous ten minutes,
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他不记得十分钟以前发生的事,
10:42
or the previous ten hours, or the previous ten days.
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甚至十小时,十天.
10:45
And would come to the conclusion that that was when the aliens
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得出的结论是,当外星人
10:47
were taking him and giving him rectal probes.
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抓住他后给他做直肠探头.
10:50
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
10:52
This book became, naturally, an enormous best-seller.
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这本书成为史上最牛的畅销书籍.
10:55
This image by Ted Joseph was from that book,
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图片是由Ted Joseph提供,
10:57
and was his, sort of, police sketch
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图片从某种意义上
11:00
of what the creatures looked like
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像警方示意图
11:02
that Whitley Strieber had described to him.
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Whitley Strieber说到.
11:04
And it was so successful that they made it into a movie.
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这是一个非常棒的电影题材.
11:07
And in 1989, the way I remember it,
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记得在1989年,
11:09
I was in Philadelphia
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我去费城--
11:11
visiting my girlfriend, and we decided,
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看望我女朋友,我们临时决定,
11:13
apropos of nothing, to go see this movie.
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去看电影.
11:16
And the way I remember it, the movie featured these details.
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我记得,电影展现了许多细节.
11:19
One: Whitley Strieber
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一:Whitley Strieber
11:21
was played by Christopher Walken.
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由Christopher Walken扮演.
11:23
Two: the alien was played by a rubber puppet.
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二:外星人的扮演者是橡胶面具.
11:26
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
11:28
Three: there was a surprisingly long
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三:有一个出乎意料的
11:31
sequence of the film in which the rubber puppet
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长序列橡胶面具电影
11:33
gives Christopher Walken a rectal probe.
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给Christopher Walken做直肠探头.
11:37
Four: this was being shown
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四:影片正在上映
11:39
in a regular movie theater in Center City, Philadelphia.
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在费城的各大影院.
11:42
Five: all of which is to say,
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五:所有人都说,
11:44
they made a movie out of the book, "Communion,"
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电影是由"交流"改编.
11:46
and it starred Christopher Walken.
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主角是 Christopher Walken.
11:49
Does something seem strange about this to you?
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是哪里出了问题?
11:52
Something odd? Something off? Something wrong with this picture?
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灵异事件？虚构事物？照片的毛病？
11:55
Think about it. Yes. The answer is:
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想一想，是的。答案是：
11:57
I had a girlfriend. What?
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我曾经有个女朋友.疯了么?
12:00
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
12:03
How did this happen? When did this happen?
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这是如何发生的?什么时候发生的?
12:06
I remember walking out of the theater
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我记得我走出影院
12:08
and becoming suddenly aware of this fact,
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并突然意识到这是真的,
12:10
as we walked hand in hand,
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正如我们手牵手漫步,
12:12
and pondering these very same questions.
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却思考着同样的问题.
12:14
And to this day, I have no answer for you.
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至今,我都无法回答.
12:18
Close encounter four: the Algarve,
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遭遇四: 阿尔加瓦
12:20
Portugal, 1991.
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葡萄牙,1991.
12:22
Some years later, I and this woman --
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许多年过后,我和这个女人--
12:24
we'll call her "Catherine Fletcher" --
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我们将称她为“Catherine Fletcher”-
12:27
(Laughter) --
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(笑声)
12:30
went traveling through the south of Portugal together.
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我们穿越葡萄牙南部去旅行.
12:33
We stayed in old, crumbling, walled cities,
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我们住在古老的摇摇欲坠的围城里.
12:37
in tiny little hotels,
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在小旅馆里,
12:38
and we would climb up to the roof and drink Vinho Verde
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我们爬到屋顶喝着葡萄牙清酒
12:41
and watch the sun set and play checkers.
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看日落玩跳棋.
12:43
What? Did we do this? Really? Does anyone do this?
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什么?我们做了这些么?真的么?有人会做这样的事情么?
12:47
We went to some topless beaches.
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我们去了沙滩边.
12:49
Excuse me? No, not in my life.
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醒醒?我不是在做梦吧.
12:52
For what it's worth, we went to Sagres,
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不论真伪.我们去了葡萄牙,
12:54
which was considered, at the time, to be the end of the world.
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这被认为是,世界末日.
12:57
And there I was chased by a pack of feral dogs on the dock,
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在那里我被野狗追咬,
13:00
and the lead dog bit me on the ass,
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最后领头的狗咬了我的屁股,
13:03
requiring me to go to a strange Portuguese clinic
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他们带我去一个陌生的葡萄牙诊所
13:05
and receive an ass shot.
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接受屁股的治疗.
13:07
Make of that what you will.
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你可以合理的遐想一下.
13:09
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
13:10
Our last day in Portugal,
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在葡萄牙的最后一天,
13:12
we were in the district capital of Faro,
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我们在葡萄牙的首府,
13:15
and Catherine decided that she wanted to go to the beach
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Catherine想去海滩转一圈
13:17
one last time.
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最后一圈.
13:19
Now, Faro is a bustling little city,
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Faro是个热闹的小城市,
13:21
and to get to the beach, she explained, you would have to take
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她说去海边要乘公交车
13:23
a bus and then a boat.
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再换乘个小船.
13:25
And did I want to come with?
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你愿意跟我一起去么?
13:27
But I was exhausted and dog-bitten, and so I said, "No."
327
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我摸着被咬坏的屁股已经筋疲力尽了,我说"我不去了."
13:30
I remember what she looked like before she left.
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至今我还记得她黯然离开时失望的眼神.
13:34
The freckles had grown
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这个雀斑女已经长大
13:36
and multiplied on her face and shoulders,
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雀斑在她的脸庞和肩头上倍增,
13:39
clustering into a kind of a tan.
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汇聚成一种巧克力色.
13:41
A tan, we were both tan --
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结果我们皮肤都晒成了巧克力色.
13:43
is this true?
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这是真的吗?
13:46
Her eyes were extra bright and extra blue, as a result.
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3000
她的眼睛是蓝色的格外的亮,最后.
13:49
She was smiling.
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她笑了.
13:51
She was a single woman about to go alone into a country,
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一个单身女人独自到一个陌生的国家,
13:53
not even speaking the language,
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甚至没有相通的语言,
13:56
to travel alone by bus and boat
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独自乘着公车和小船去旅行
13:58
to go to a beach she did not know
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去一个连她自己都不知道在哪的海滩
14:00
or had never seen.
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或者她从未见过.
14:02
I loved her, and then she went out
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我爱她,当她走到那个奇怪的
14:05
into that strange, alien land.
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外星人领域.
14:08
It took me some time to come to my senses.
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我重新整理了我的思绪.
14:11
I had my own "lost time" moment,
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我有属于我的"失忆时段",
14:12
where I woke up and suddenly realized
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3000
我突然醒了,意识到
14:15
it was very late in the day, almost dinnertime,
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时间已经不早了,差不多到了晚饭时间,
14:17
and she had not come back.
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但她还没回来
14:19
Nervous, I went down to the street to look for her.
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我感到不安,于是上街去找她.
14:21
Now, I did not speak Portuguese.
349
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现在,我不会葡萄牙语.
14:24
I did not know where the beach was.
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2000
我也不知道沙滩在哪?
14:26
I could not call her on a cell phone because this was 1991,
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3000
我同样不能打电话给她因为那是1991年,
14:29
and the aliens had not given us that technology yet.
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那时外星人也没给我们这项技术.
14:31
(Laughter)
353
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3000
(笑声)
14:34
I realized that the day would only have
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我意识到这一天只有
14:36
two possible outcomes:
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2000
只有两种可能的结果:
14:38
either Catherine would come back to the hotel,
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2000
Catherine 自己回到小旅馆
14:40
or she would never come back to the hotel.
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或者她再也不回来了.
14:43
And so I sat down to wait.
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我只能坐下来等.
14:45
I did not watch the skies, but the very end of the street
359
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4000
我没有注视着天空,而是盯着街道的尽头
14:49
where the buses and cars and pedestrians
360
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3000
那里的公车汽车和行人
14:52
and little scooters were moving along.
361
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2000
和小踏板车在前行着.
14:54
And I watched those constellations shift,
362
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2000
我看着那些星球的转变,
14:56
hoping that they would part and I would see her face.
363
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3000
多希望他们能让我看到你的脸.
14:59
It was at that moment,
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2000
就在那一刻,
15:01
in that very small town of 30,000 or so,
365
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3000
在一个容纳30000人的小镇上,
15:04
that I truly appreciated the vastness of the universe
366
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3000
我真正欣赏到宇宙的浩瀚
15:07
and the searching we might do in it.
367
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3000
搜寻我们想要的.
15:10
And that's when the Liberians came along.
368
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2000
那时利比里亚人走了过来.
15:12
Five young men -- all laughing, happy, traveling together,
369
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3000
5个年轻人--他们都开心的笑着同行,
15:15
coming back to this hotel where they were staying.
370
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3000
回到他们的住所.
15:18
One of them was named Joseph, and he asked me
371
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2000
其中一个名叫Joseph,他问我我来做什么,
15:20
what was I doing, and I explained.
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2000
我向他解释.
15:22
And he said, "Don't worry." He was sure that Catherine would be safe.
373
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3000
他说,"不要担心,"他确信Catherine是安全的.
15:25
But he did not seem so very sure,
374
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2000
但他看起来不太确信,
15:27
for he sat down to wait with me.
375
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2000
因为他跟我一起坐下来.
15:29
And for the next two hours, they all waited with me:
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2000
接下来的两个小时,他们和我一起等待.
15:31
taking turns, going up to their room, coming back,
377
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3000
他们轮流来我房间
15:34
telling me jokes, distracting me.
378
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1000
讲笑话安慰我,分散我的注意力.
15:35
Two hours, they gave me a message.
379
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3000
两小时后,他们给我捎口信.
15:38
We are not alone.
380
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我们并不孤独.
15:40
And then, in the middle of a sentence, at the very birth of twilight,
381
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3000
这时,字里行间之中让人感到暮光的开始.
15:43
I turned and looked down the street.
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2000
我转过身来,看着街上.
15:45
The stars aligned, and she came back.
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星星排成一排,她回来了.
15:48
She was smiling. She did not understand why I was so worried.
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她笑着,她并不知道我为何而难过.
15:51
Neither did the Liberians,
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利比里亚人也不理解,
15:53
although there was a huge amount of relief in their laughter
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他们的笑声里有着很多的宽慰.
15:55
as they clapped us on the back, and went back up to their room
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他们在心底为我们鼓掌,默默回到房间
15:58
and left us alone in the street, holding hands.
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让我们独自在街上,手牵手.
16:01
An event like this leaves a scar on the memory,
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这像记忆中的伤痛,
16:04
much like a piece of alien technology
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被一个叫做"葡萄牙的医生"的人
16:06
that has been inserted into your buttocks
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把一块外星人的高科技
16:08
by a "Portuguese doctor."
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植入到你的臀部.
16:10
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
16:12
And even now, a decade and a half later,
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即使到现在,15年以后,
16:14
even now that we are married,
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我们结婚了,
16:16
I look for her still, whenever she is not in the room.
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我随时找她时她仍不在房间.
16:19
And even though, I think you'll agree, it is probable
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我认为你也同意,
16:22
that during the time she was away,
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很可能是在她外出时,
16:24
she was kidnapped and replaced by an alien clone,
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被外星人绑架甚至克隆,
16:27
I love her and wait for her still.
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但我会一直爱她,等着她.
16:29
Thank you for your kind attention.
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感谢您的关注.
16:31
(Applause)
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(掌声)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
John Hodgman - ExpertJohn Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign.
Why you should listen
You may know him only as the PC in Apple's PC vs. Mac smackdown ads, or as the Daily Show with Jon Stewart's Resident Expert. But John Hodgman has many other claims to fame. He's the author of The Areas of My Expertise, which provides vital and completely fake details on the great lobster conspiracy, hoboes, nine US presidents who had hooks for hands, and how to win a fight; the followup More Information Than You Require; and his newest (and he claims last), That Is All.
He is a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine; host of the Little Gray Book Lectures, a monthly series that has aired on This American Life; and an actual former professional literary agent.
John Hodgman | Speaker | TED.com