TED2008
John Hodgman: Aliens, love -- where are they?
John Hodgman: Kratka digresija o pitanjima izgubljenog vremena
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Šaljivac John Hodgman ležerno prolazi kroz novu priču o izvanzemaljcima, fizici, svemiru i načinu na koji svaki od njih pridonosi slatkom, savršenom sjećanju na zaljubljivanje.
John Hodgman - Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign. Full bio
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
You all know this story.
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Svi znate ovu priču.
00:20
In the summer of 1950,
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U ljeto 1950.,
00:22
Enrico Fermi, the Italian-American physicist
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Enrico Fermi, fizičar talijansko-američkog podrijetla
00:24
and atomic-pile builder,
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i konstruktor atomske hrpe,
00:27
went to lunch at Los Alamos National Laboratory
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je otišao na ručak u Los Alamos nacionalni laboratorij
00:29
and joined some colleagues there, and asked them a question:
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i tamo se pridružio nekolicini kolega, i upitao ih:
00:32
"Where is everybody?"
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"Gdje su svi?"
00:34
This confused his colleagues, obviously,
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To je, očito, zbunilo njegove kolege,
00:37
because they were sitting right there with him.
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jer su sjedili tamo s njim.
00:39
And then he had to clarify that he wasn't talking about them.
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I onda je morao pojasniti da nije pričao o njima.
00:42
He was talking about the space aliens.
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Pričao je o svemircima.
00:45
You see, this was only a few years after
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Vidite, to je bilo samo par godina nakon
00:47
the supposed flying saucer crash
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navodne nesreće letećeg tanjura
00:49
at Roswell, New Mexico.
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kod Roswell-a, Novi Meksiko.
00:51
And even though that turned out to be nothing,
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Iako se ispostavilo da to nije bilo ništa,
00:53
nothing at all --
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ništa uopće --
00:55
(Laughter) --
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(Smijeh)
00:58
merely a downed weather balloon
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tek oboreni prognostički balon
01:00
piloted by small hairless men
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navođen od strane malih ćelavih ljudi
01:03
with slits for mouths ...
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s prorezima kao ustima.
01:06
Still, America had gone saucer-mad,
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Ipak, Amerika je poludjela za tanjurom,
01:08
even famous scientists
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čak i poznati znanstvenici
01:10
who were eating lunch.
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koji su ručali.
01:12
Fermi's reasoning, if I may paraphrase badly,
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Fermijevo prosuđivanje, ako smijem loše parafrazirati,
01:14
is that the universe is so vast
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jest da je svemir toliko prostran
01:16
that it stands to reason,
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da vrijedi razmišljati
01:18
there should be other intelligent life out there.
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kako bi tamo trebali postojati drugi inteligentni oblici života.
01:21
And the universe is so old
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A svemir je toliko star da osim,
01:23
that unless we were the very first civilization ever to evolve,
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da osim ako smo mi prva civilizacija koja se razvila,
01:26
we should have some evidence of their existence by now.
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trebali bi do sada imati neke dokaze o njihovom postojanju.
01:29
And yet, to the best of our knowledge, we are alone.
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A još uvijek, koliko znamo, mi smo sami.
01:32
"Where is everybody?" asked Fermi,
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"Gdje su svi?" pitao je Fermi,
01:35
and his colleagues had no answer.
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a njegove kolege nisu imali odgovor.
01:38
Fermi then went on with the same blunt logic
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Fermi je nastavio s istom zatupljujućom logikom
01:40
to disprove fairies,
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kako bi pobio postojanje vila,
01:42
Sasquatch, God,
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Sasquatch-a, Boga,
01:44
the possibility of love --
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mogućnosti ljubavi -
01:47
and thereafter, as you know,
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i nakon toga, kao što znate,
01:49
Enrico Fermi ate alone.
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Enrico Fermi je jeo sam.
01:51
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:54
Now,
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Sada,
01:55
I am not a scientist.
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ja nisam znanstvenik.
01:58
I have never built an atomic pile.
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i nikada nisam sagradio atomsku hrpu.
02:01
Although, I might argue that, technically,
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Iako, mogao bih tvrditi kako je, tehnički gledano,
02:03
every pile is atomic.
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svaka hrpa atomska.
02:05
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:08
However, with respect, I might point out two possibilities
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Kako bilo, uz poštovanje, mogao bih istaknuti dvije mogućnosti
02:11
that Enrico Fermi perhaps did not consider.
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koje Enrico Fermi možda i nije uzeo u obzir.
02:14
One is that the aliens might be
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Jedna je kako bi izvanzemaljci mogli biti
02:16
very far away.
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jako daleko.
02:18
Perhaps, I dare say,
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Možda, usudit ću se reći,
02:20
even on other planets.
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čak i na drugim planetima.
02:23
The other possibility --
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Druga mogućnost -
02:25
(Laughter) --
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(Smijeh)
02:27
is, perhaps, Enrico Fermi himself
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jest, možda, da je Enrico Fermi
02:29
was an alien.
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bio izvanzemaljac.
02:31
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:34
Think about it.
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Razmislite o tome.
02:36
Isn't it a little convenient
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Nije li malčice prikladno
02:38
that in the midst of the World War, out of nowhere,
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da se usred Svjetskog rata, od nikud,
02:41
suddenly an Italian scientist showed up
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odjednom stvorio talijanski znanstvenik
02:43
with an amazing new technology
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s nevjerojatnom novom tehnologijom
02:45
that would transform everything in the world
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koja će preobraziti sve na svijetu
02:47
and darken the history of the human species forever after?
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i zamračiti našu povijest ljudske vrste za sve vijekove?
02:51
And isn't it a little strange
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I nije li malo čudno
02:53
that he required no payment for this?
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kako nije zahtjevao da mu se plati za to?
02:56
That he asked for only one thing --
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Da je tražio samo jednu stvar:
02:58
a gift of two healthy sperm whales?
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dvije zdrave sperme kitova na dar?
03:01
That's -- that's not true.
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To -- to nije istina.
03:03
But it is strange.
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Ali je čudno.
03:05
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:09
And if Enrico Fermi were indeed a space alien,
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I ako je Enrico Fermi i bio svemirac,
03:12
wouldn't he be the first to have tried to convince
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ne bi li on bio prvi koji bi pokušao uvjeriti
03:14
his fellow scientists
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svoje kolege znanstvenike
03:16
that the space aliens are not already here?
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kako svemirci još uvijek nisu ovdje?
03:20
For it is given in certain UFO-ology
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Jer dano je u određenoj NLO-ologiji
03:22
or UFOlogy circles,
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ili NLO-ološkim krugovima,
03:25
that the aliens are already here and have been for millennia;
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kako su izvanzemaljci već ovdje i prisutni su već tisućljećima.
03:28
that they have walked among us in disguise,
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Kako su prerušeni hodali među nama,
03:30
observing us, guiding our evolution
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promatrajući nas, vodeći našu evoluciju
03:32
from ape to man --
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od majmuna do čovjeka --
03:34
if you believe in that sort of thing --
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ukoliko vjerujete u te stvari.
03:37
and, occasionally, kidnapping us in their flying saucers
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I s vremena na vrijeme, otimajući nas u svoje leteće tanjure
03:40
and taking us away to have sex with us in pyramids.
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i odvodeći nas kako bi vodili ljubav s nama u piramidama.
03:43
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:45
It's a difficult theory to discount,
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Teška je to teorija za osporiti,
03:47
I think you'll agree.
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mislim da ćete se složiti.
03:49
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:51
For even in my own life,
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Čak i u mom vlastitom životu,
03:53
there are memories I have
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postoje sjećanja koja imam
03:55
that are difficult to explain --
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koja je teško za objasniti --
03:57
happenings that are so odd and unaccountably weird,
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događanja koja su toliko nejasna i neobjašnjivo čudna,
03:59
that it is difficult to imagine
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da je teško zamisliti
04:01
they were not the result
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kako nisu rezultat
04:03
of prolonged and frequent contact with aliens throughout my life.
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podužeg i učestalog kontakta s vanzemaljcima kroz moj život.
04:06
For how else will you explain
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Jer kako bi drukčije objasnili
04:08
the amazing and absolutely true
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nevjerojatne i potpuno istinite
04:10
close encounters that I had
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bliske susrete koje sam imao
04:12
and will describe to you now?
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a opisat ću vam ih sad?
04:15
Encounter one: Ocean City, New Jersey, 1980.
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Susret broj Jedan: Ocean City, New Jersey, 1980.
04:17
This was the summer when the special edition of
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To je bilo ljeto kada je specijalno izdanje
04:20
"Close Encounters of the Third Kind" was released.
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"Bliskih susreta treće vrste" izašlo.
04:22
And I went on vacation with my parents to the Jersey shore.
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Išao sam na ljetovanje sa svojim roditeljima na obale Jersey-a.
04:25
Within 12 hours, I was horribly sunburned,
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U roku 12 sati, užasno sam izgorio na suncu,
04:28
just like Richard Dreyfuss in the movie.
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kao Richard Dreyfuss u filmu.
04:30
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:31
And so I spent the rest of the vacation
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I tako sam proveo ostatak odmora
04:34
largely sitting outside our little rental house at night,
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uvelike sjedeći noću pred našom malom unajmljenom kućom,
04:37
the sidewalk still warm from the sun,
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pločnik još uvijek topao od sunca,
04:39
watching the skies for UFOs.
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gledajući nebo u potrazi za NLO-ima.
04:42
What did I see? Stars, satellites,
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Što sam vidio? Zvijezde, satelite,
04:44
blinking airplanes -- typical sky junk.
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trepćuće avione -- tipično smeće sa neba.
04:47
Occasionally, kids would come and
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Povremeno, djeca bi došla i
04:48
join me and watch,
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pridružila mi se i gledala,
04:50
but their necks soon got sore, and they would go off to the boardwalk
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ali njihovi vratovi bi ih ubrzo počeli boljeti i otišli bi na rivu
04:53
to play video games and mingle with humans.
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igrati video igrice i družiti se s ljudima.
04:56
I was pretty good at the video games. I was not very good at the other part,
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Bio sam prilično dobar u video igricama. Nisam bio dobar u onom drugom dijelu,
04:59
so I stayed alone with the cosmos.
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pa sam ostao sam s kozmosom.
05:02
And that's when it happened.
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I tada se to dogodilo.
05:04
An elderly couple came walking down the street.
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Stariji par je hodao niz ulicu.
05:07
I would say they were in their late seventies,
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Rekao bih da su bili u svojim kasnim sedamdesetima,
05:09
and I would say that they were on a date,
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i rekao bih da su bili na spoju,
05:11
because he was wearing a very neat little suit
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jer je on nosio jako uredno malo odijelo
05:14
with a yellow tie -- a brown suit.
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sa žutom kravatom, smeđe odijelo.
05:16
And she was wearing a cardigan, because it was now fully night
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A ona je nosila kardigan, jer je već sada bila mrkla noć,
05:19
and a chill was coming in off the ocean.
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a hladnoća je dolazila iz oceana.
05:21
I remember, for some reason,
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Sjećam se, iz nekog razloga,
05:23
that they were exactly the same height.
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kako su bili približno iste visine.
05:26
And then they stopped, and the man turned to me
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Stali su, i muškarac se okrenuo prema meni
05:28
and said,
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i rekao,
05:30
"What are you looking for,
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"Što tražiš,
05:32
flying saucers?"
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leteće tanjure?"
05:34
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
05:37
You have to admit, that's a pretty boss piece of detective work
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Morate priznati, to je prilično šefovski dio detektivskog posla
05:40
for an old man on a date.
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za starca na spoju.
05:42
But what was stranger still --
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Ali ono što je bilo još čudnije --
05:44
and even I realized it at the time,
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i ja sam čak shvatio to tada,
05:46
as a nine-year-old child --
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kao devetogodišnje dijete --
05:48
was that they stopped at all.
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jest da su oni uopće stali.
05:50
That this old man would interrupt his moonlight stroll
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Da će taj starac prekinuti svoju šetnju po mjesečini
05:52
with his sweetheart with the precise reason
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sa svojom draganom sa određenim razlogom
05:54
of making fun of a child.
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ismijavanja dijeteta.
05:57
"Oh," he said,
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"O," reče on,
05:59
"little green men."
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"mali zeleni ljudi."
06:01
And then his girlfriend joined in, too.
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I tada se i njegova cura pridružila.
06:04
"There's no such thing as space men," she said.
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"Ne postoje takve stvari kao što su svemirci," reče ona.
06:06
"There's no such thing."
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"Ne postoji ništa takvog."
06:09
And then they both laughed. "Ha, ha, ha."
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I tada su se oboje počeli smijati. Ha, ha, ha.
06:12
I looked around.
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Gledao sam uokolo.
06:14
The street was entirely empty.
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Ulica je bila potpuno prazna.
06:16
I had stopped hearing the sound of the ocean.
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Prestao sam čuti zvuk oceana.
06:18
It was as though time had stopped.
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Bilo je kao da je vrijeme stalo.
06:21
I did not know why they were teasing me.
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Nisam znao zašto me zadirkuju.
06:23
I looked into their strangely angry faces,
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Pogledao sam u njihova začuđujuće ljuta lica,
06:26
and I remember wondering,
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i sjećam se kako sam razmišljao,
06:28
are they wearing rubber masks?
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dali nose gumene maske?
06:30
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:32
And what would be behind those rubber masks, if they were?
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I što bi se krilo iza tih gumenih maski, ako bi ih nosili?
06:35
Giant, almond-shaped, unblinking eyes?
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Ogromne, ne trepćuće oči u obliku badema?
06:39
Slits for mouths?
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Prorezi kao usta?
06:41
The old man crooked his finger as though he were firing a gun,
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Starac je nakrivio svoj prst kao da puca iz pištolja,
06:43
and then he made laser sounds.
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i proizvodio je zvukove lasera.
06:45
"Kew, kew, kew --
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Kju, kju, kju --
06:47
watch out."
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"Pazi se."
06:49
And they turned at once and walked away.
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I odjednom su se okrenuli i otišli.
06:51
The old man reached out
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Starac je posegnuo
06:53
his knobbly claw
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svojom grbavom pandžom
06:55
for the woman's hand,
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za rukom žene,
06:57
and found it, and left me alone.
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i pronašao je, i ostavio me samog.
06:59
Now, you could describe this as a simple misunderstanding --
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Mogli biste opisati ovo kao jednostavan nesporazum --
07:02
a strange encounter among humans.
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čudan susret među ljudima.
07:04
Maybe it was swamp gas, but --
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Možda je bio močvarni plin, ali --
07:06
(Laughter) --
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(Smijeh)
07:08
I know what I saw.
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znam što sam vidio.
07:11
Close encounter two: Brookline, Massachusetts, 1984.
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Bliski susret broj dva: Brookline, Massachusetts, 1984.
07:15
I went to see the movie "Dune,"
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Išao sam pogledati film "Dina,"
07:17
and a girl talked to me. Now, on its face --
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i cura je pričala sa mnom. Na prvi pogled --
07:20
(Laughter) --
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(Smijeh)
07:23
this is impossible on its face, I realize --
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to je nemoguće na prvi pogled, shvaćam --
07:25
but it is absolutely true.
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ali je potpuno istinito.
07:27
It was opening night, naturally.
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Naravno, bila je to premijerna noć.
07:29
I went with my friend Tim McGonigal, who sat on my left.
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Išao sam sa svojim prijateljem Timom McGonigalom, koji sjedio s moje lijeve.
07:32
On my right was the girl in question.
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S moje desne je bila, prije navedena, cura.
07:34
She had long, curly black hair, a blue jean jacket.
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Imala je dugačku, kovrčavu crnu kosu, plavu traper jaknu.
07:37
I remember, she had some sort of injury to her ankle,
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Sjećam se, imala je neku vrstu ozljede na gležnju,
07:40
an Ace bandage, and she had crutches.
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Ace zavoj i imala je štake.
07:42
She was very tall, I would say.
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Bila je vrlo visoka, rekao bih.
07:44
I was starting high school at the time. I would say she was a junior,
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U to vrijeme sam počinjao sa srednjom školom. Rekao bih da je bila drugi razred,
07:47
but I had never seen her before. She didn't go to my school.
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ali nikad je prije nisam vidio. Nije išla u moju školu.
07:49
I didn't know her name, and I never will.
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Nisam znao njeno ime, niti ću ikad znati.
07:52
She was sitting with someone who I presume was her mother,
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Sjedila je s nekim tko je, pretpostavljam, njena majka,
07:54
and they were talking about the novel, "Dune."
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i pričale su o romanu, "Dina."
07:57
They were both big fans, mother and daughter --
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Obje su bile velike obožavateljice, majka i kći --
07:59
very unusual.
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vrlo neobično.
08:01
They were talking about how their favorite characters
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Pričale su o tome kako su njihovi omiljeni likovi
08:03
were the giant sandworms.
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divovski pješćani crvi.
08:06
And then it got stranger.
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A onda je postalo još neobičnije.
08:08
That's when she turned to me and said,
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Tada se okrenula prema meni i rekla,
08:10
"Are you looking forward to seeing the movie?"
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"Raduješ li se gledanju ovog filma?"
08:13
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:15
First of all, I was embarrassed
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Kao prvo, bilo me sram
08:16
because I had not read the novel "Dune" at that time.
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jer nisam pročitao roman "Dina" u to vrijeme.
08:19
I was merely a connoisseur of movies
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Bio sam samo znalac o filmovima
08:21
featuring desert planets, as I still am.
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u kojima su se pojavljivali napušteni planeti, kao što sam i sada.
08:23
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:25
But it was also the tone of how she asked the question:
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Ali bilo je nešto i u tonu kojim je postavila pitanje:
08:27
apropos of nothing, like she didn't even care about the answer,
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apropo ničega, kao da nije ni marila za odgovor,
08:30
as though she just wanted to talk to me.
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kao da je samo htjela pričati sa mnom.
08:34
I did not know what to say. I said, "Yes."
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NIsam znao što reći. Rekao sam, "Da."
08:37
I did not even turn my head.
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Nisam čak ni okrenuo glavu.
08:40
The movie began.
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Film je počeo.
08:42
I need not remind you that this was David Lynch's version of "Dune,"
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Ne moram vas podsjećati da je to bila verzija "Dine", Davida Lynch-a,
08:45
in which all of the characters
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u kojoj su svi likovi
08:48
were sexy and deformed at the same time.
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seksi i unakaženi u isto vrijeme.
08:50
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:52
There was a character called the Third-Stage Guild Navigator,
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Bio je lik koji se zvao Navigator udruženja treće razine,
08:55
which was a kind of giant, floating fetus-creature
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koji je bio divovsko, plutajuće stvorenje u obliku fetusa
08:58
that lived in a giant tank with this orange mist
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a koji je živio u ogromnom spremniku s narančastom izmaglicom
09:01
of psychedelic spice
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od psihodeličnog začina
09:03
swirling around him,
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koja se kovitlala oko njega,
09:05
allowing him to bend space and time.
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dopuštajući mu da iskrivljuje prostor i vrijeme.
09:07
He could never leave the tank
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Nikad nije mogao napustiti spremnik
09:09
or interact with the outside world.
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ili komunicirati s vanjskim svijetom.
09:11
He had become, in his isolation,
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Postao je, u svojoj izoliranosti,
09:13
so deformed and so sexy,
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toliko unakažen i toliko seksi,
09:15
that he had to talk through a kind of old-timey radio
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da je morao govoriti pomoću starinskog radio prijemnika
09:18
to the outside world, and could never touch them.
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prema vanjskom svijetu, i nikad ih nije mogao dodirnuti.
09:21
I mean, I liked him a lot better than the sandworms.
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Mislim, sviđao mi se puno više od pješćanih crva.
09:24
The sandworms were fine, but your favorite character?
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Pješćani crvi su dobri, ali tvoj omiljeni lik?
09:27
Please.
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Molim vas.
09:29
When the movie ended,
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Kada je film završio,
09:31
everyone seemed very happy
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svi su se doimali jako sretnima
09:33
to get up and get out of the theatre as soon as possible.
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što mogu ustati i izaći iz ovog kina što je brže moguće.
09:36
Except for the girl.
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Osim te cure.
09:38
As I walked out, her pace slowed.
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Kako sam odlazio, njezin korak je bio sporiji.
09:40
Perhaps it was the crutches,
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Možda je to zbog štaka,
09:42
but it seemed --
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ali činilo se --
09:44
(Laughter) --
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(Smijeh)
09:46
it seemed as though she might want to talk to me again.
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činilo se kao da bi mogla opet htjeti razgovarati sa mnom.
09:50
When I say it out loud, it sounds so ridiculous,
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Kada to kažem naglas, zvuči toliko smiješno,
09:53
but I can only come to the conclusion
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ali mogu doći jedino do zaključka
09:55
that it was what, in the alien abductee community,
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kako je to bilo ono što u zajednici otetih od strane vanzemaljaca
09:58
they call a "screen memory":
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nazivaju "memorija zaslona."
10:01
a ridiculous false recollection designed by their brain
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Smiješno lažno sjećanje dizajnirano od strane njihovog mozga
10:04
to cover up some trauma -- say, of being kidnapped
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kako bi prikrili traumu -- recimo, biti otet
10:06
and flown off to a sex pyramid.
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i odveden u piramidu seksa.
10:08
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:10
And so I sure am glad
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I stoga mi je drago
10:12
I did not slow down to talk to her.
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što nisam usporio kako bih pričao sa njom.
10:14
I sure am glad I never saw her again.
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Drago mi je da je nikad više nisam vidio.
10:18
Close encounter three: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
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Bliski susret broj tri: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
10:21
1989.
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1989.
10:23
In the mid-to-late '80s,
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U kasnim -- sredinom i kasnih 80-ih,
10:25
the novelist Whitley Strieber wrote a book called "Communion,"
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romanopisac Whitley Strieber je napisao knjigu zvanu "Pričest,"
10:28
in which he described his own lifelong experiences
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u kojoj je opisao vlastita cjeloživotna iskustva
10:30
being abducted by aliens.
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o tome kako je to biti otet od strane vanzemaljaca.
10:33
And he also described the phenomenon known in this community
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I opisao je fenomen poznat u ovoj zajednici
10:35
as "lost time,"
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kao "izgubljeno vrijeme",
10:37
where Whitley Strieber would suddenly become aware
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gdje bi Whitley Strieber iznenada postao svjestan
10:39
that he could not remember the previous ten minutes,
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da se ne može sjetiti proteklih deset minuta,
10:42
or the previous ten hours, or the previous ten days.
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ili proteklih deset sati, ili proteklih deset dana.
10:45
And would come to the conclusion that that was when the aliens
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I došao bi do zaključka da su ga tada vanzemaljci
10:47
were taking him and giving him rectal probes.
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odvodili i stavljali mu rektalne sonde.
10:50
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:52
This book became, naturally, an enormous best-seller.
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Ova knjiga je postala, naravno, ogroman bestseler.
10:55
This image by Ted Joseph was from that book,
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Ova slika Ted-a Joseph-a je iz te knjige,
10:57
and was his, sort of, police sketch
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i to je bila njegova, kao, policijska skica
11:00
of what the creatures looked like
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kako bi ta stvorenja izgledala
11:02
that Whitley Strieber had described to him.
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a koja mu je Whitley Strieber opisao.
11:04
And it was so successful that they made it into a movie.
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I bila je toliko popularna da su napravili i film po njoj.
11:07
And in 1989, the way I remember it,
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1989., koliko se ja sjećam,
11:09
I was in Philadelphia
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bio sam u Philadephiji s --
11:11
visiting my girlfriend, and we decided,
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u posjetu svojoj curi, i odlučili smo,
11:13
apropos of nothing, to go see this movie.
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apropo ničega, da ćemo otići pogledati taj film.
11:16
And the way I remember it, the movie featured these details.
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I koliko se ja sjećam, film je sadržavao sljedeće detalje.
11:19
One: Whitley Strieber
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Jedan: Whitley Strieber-a
11:21
was played by Christopher Walken.
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je glumio Christopher Walken.
11:23
Two: the alien was played by a rubber puppet.
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Dva: Vanzemaljca je glumio gumeni lutak.
11:26
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
11:28
Three: there was a surprisingly long
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Tri: Postoji izrazito dugačak
11:31
sequence of the film in which the rubber puppet
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slijed filma u kojem gumeni lutak
11:33
gives Christopher Walken a rectal probe.
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stavlja Christopher-u Walken-u rektalnu sondu.
11:37
Four: this was being shown
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Četiri: To je bilo prikazano
11:39
in a regular movie theater in Center City, Philadelphia.
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u redovnom kinu u centru Philadelhije.
11:42
Five: all of which is to say,
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Pet: Sve što se može reći,
11:44
they made a movie out of the book, "Communion,"
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snimili su film po knjizi, "Pričest,"
11:46
and it starred Christopher Walken.
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i glumio je Christopher Walken.
11:49
Does something seem strange about this to you?
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Jel' vam se čini da je nešto čudno oko toga?
11:52
Something odd? Something off? Something wrong with this picture?
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Nešto neobično? Nešto što ne bi trebalo biti? Nešto krivo sa cijelim tim prizorom?
11:55
Think about it. Yes. The answer is:
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Razmislite. Da. Odgovor je:
11:57
I had a girlfriend. What?
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Imao sam curu. Što?
12:00
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
12:03
How did this happen? When did this happen?
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Kako se to dogodilo? Kada se to dogodilo?
12:06
I remember walking out of the theater
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Sjećam se odlaska iz kina
12:08
and becoming suddenly aware of this fact,
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i postepenog osvještavanja te činjenice,
12:10
as we walked hand in hand,
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dok smo hodali ruku pod ruku,
12:12
and pondering these very same questions.
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i probirali kroz ta ista pitanja.
12:14
And to this day, I have no answer for you.
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I sve do ovog dana, nemam odgovor za vas.
12:18
Close encounter four: the Algarve,
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Bliski susret broj četiri: Algarva,
12:20
Portugal, 1991.
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Portugal, 1991.
12:22
Some years later, I and this woman --
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Nekoliko godina kasnije, ja i ta žena -
12:24
we'll call her "Catherine Fletcher" --
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zvat ćemo je "Catherine Fletcher" --
12:27
(Laughter) --
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(Smijeh)
12:30
went traveling through the south of Portugal together.
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smo zajedno pošli na putovanje po jugu Portugala.
12:33
We stayed in old, crumbling, walled cities,
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Odsjedali smo u starim, pucajućim, gradovima sa zidinama,
12:37
in tiny little hotels,
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u majušnim hotelima,
12:38
and we would climb up to the roof and drink Vinho Verde
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i uspeli bi se na krov i pili bi Vinho Verde (zeleno vino)
12:41
and watch the sun set and play checkers.
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i promatrali zalazak sunca i igrali bi igru dame.
12:43
What? Did we do this? Really? Does anyone do this?
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Što? Jesmo li to radili? Doista? Radi li to itko?
12:47
We went to some topless beaches.
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Išli smo na neke toples plaže.
12:49
Excuse me? No, not in my life.
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Molim? Ne, ne u mom životu.
12:52
For what it's worth, we went to Sagres,
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Ako bilo što, išli smo u Sagres,
12:54
which was considered, at the time, to be the end of the world.
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koji je, u to vrijeme, bio smatran krajem svijeta.
12:57
And there I was chased by a pack of feral dogs on the dock,
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I tamo me po dokovima ganjao čopor divljih pasa,
13:00
and the lead dog bit me on the ass,
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i vodeći pas me ugrizao za stražnjicu,
13:03
requiring me to go to a strange Portuguese clinic
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nakon čega sam morao otići u čudnu Portugalsku kliniku
13:05
and receive an ass shot.
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gdje sam primio injekciju.
13:07
Make of that what you will.
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Učinite od toga što god želite.
13:09
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
13:10
Our last day in Portugal,
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Naš zadnji dan u Portugalu,
13:12
we were in the district capital of Faro,
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bili smo u Faru, glavnom gradu okruga,
13:15
and Catherine decided that she wanted to go to the beach
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i Catherine je odlučila da želi otići na plažu
13:17
one last time.
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po posljednji put.
13:19
Now, Faro is a bustling little city,
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Faro je užurban mali grad,
13:21
and to get to the beach, she explained, you would have to take
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te da bi došao do plaže, objasnila je, potrebno je uzeti
13:23
a bus and then a boat.
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autobus te zatim čamac.
13:25
And did I want to come with?
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I jesam li ja želio poći s njom?
13:27
But I was exhausted and dog-bitten, and so I said, "No."
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Ali bio sam iscrpljen i ugrizao me pas, pa sam rekao, "Ne."
13:30
I remember what she looked like before she left.
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Sjećam se kako je izgledala prije nego je otišla.
13:34
The freckles had grown
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Pjege su izrasle
13:36
and multiplied on her face and shoulders,
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i razmnožile se po njenom licu i ramenima,
13:39
clustering into a kind of a tan.
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grupirajući se u neku vrstu preplanulosti.
13:41
A tan, we were both tan --
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Preplanulost, oboje smo bili preplanuli.
13:43
is this true?
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Je li to istina?
13:46
Her eyes were extra bright and extra blue, as a result.
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Kao rezultat toga, njene oči su bile osobito svjetle i osobito plave.
13:49
She was smiling.
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Smješila se.
13:51
She was a single woman about to go alone into a country,
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Bila je jedina žena koja će ubrzo sama otići u zemlju,
13:53
not even speaking the language,
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ne govoreći jezik,
13:56
to travel alone by bus and boat
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kako bi putovala sama u autobusus i čamcu
13:58
to go to a beach she did not know
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da dođe do plaže koju nije poznavala
14:00
or had never seen.
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i koju nije nikad vidjela.
14:02
I loved her, and then she went out
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Volio sam je, a onda je otišla van
14:05
into that strange, alien land.
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u tu čudnu, nepoznatu zemlju.
14:08
It took me some time to come to my senses.
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Trebalo mi je neko vrijeme da dođem k sebi.
14:11
I had my own "lost time" moment,
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Doživio sam svoj vlastiti trenutak "izgubljenog vremena"
14:12
where I woke up and suddenly realized
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kada sam se probudio i iznenada shvatio
14:15
it was very late in the day, almost dinnertime,
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da je već kasno, skoro vrijeme za večeru,
14:17
and she had not come back.
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a ona se još nije vratila.
14:19
Nervous, I went down to the street to look for her.
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Uzrujan, pošao sam je tražiti na ulicu.
14:21
Now, I did not speak Portuguese.
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Nisam pričao portugalski.
14:24
I did not know where the beach was.
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Nisam znao gdje se plaža nalazi.
14:26
I could not call her on a cell phone because this was 1991,
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Nisam je mogao nazvati na mobilni telefon jer to je bila 1991. godina,
14:29
and the aliens had not given us that technology yet.
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i vanzemaljci nam još nisu dali tu tehnologiju.
14:31
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
14:34
I realized that the day would only have
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Shvatio sam da će dan imati samo
14:36
two possible outcomes:
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dva moguća ishoda:
14:38
either Catherine would come back to the hotel,
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ili će se Catherine vratiti u hotel
14:40
or she would never come back to the hotel.
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ili se nikad neće vratiti u hotel.
14:43
And so I sat down to wait.
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Stoga sam sjeo i čekao.
14:45
I did not watch the skies, but the very end of the street
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Nisam gledao u nebo, već sam kraj ulice
14:49
where the buses and cars and pedestrians
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gdje su se autobusi i auti i pješaci
14:52
and little scooters were moving along.
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i mali skuteri kretali.
14:54
And I watched those constellations shift,
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I gledao sam kako se ta zvijezđa pomiču,
14:56
hoping that they would part and I would see her face.
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nadajući se da će se razdvojiti i da ću vidjeti njeno lice.
14:59
It was at that moment,
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U tom trenutku,
15:01
in that very small town of 30,000 or so,
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u tom malom gradu od nekih 30.000,
15:04
that I truly appreciated the vastness of the universe
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sam doista cijenio prostranstvo svemira
15:07
and the searching we might do in it.
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i potragu u koju bismo mi mogli krenuti.
15:10
And that's when the Liberians came along.
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I tada su Liberijci došli.
15:12
Five young men -- all laughing, happy, traveling together,
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Pet mladih muškaraca -- svi se smiju, sretni su, putuju zajedno,
15:15
coming back to this hotel where they were staying.
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vraćajući se u ovaj hotel gdje su odsjeli.
15:18
One of them was named Joseph, and he asked me
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Jednom od njih je bilo ime Joseph, i pitao me
15:20
what was I doing, and I explained.
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što to radim, a ja sam objasnio.
15:22
And he said, "Don't worry." He was sure that Catherine would be safe.
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Reče, "Ne brini." Bio je siguran kako će sve biti u redu sa Catherine.
15:25
But he did not seem so very sure,
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Ali nije se činio tako uvjeren,
15:27
for he sat down to wait with me.
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jer je sjeo i zajedno sa mnom čekao.
15:29
And for the next two hours, they all waited with me:
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I u sljedeća dva sata, svi su čekali sa mnom:
15:31
taking turns, going up to their room, coming back,
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rotirajući se, odlazeći u svoju sobu, vračajući se,
15:34
telling me jokes, distracting me.
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pričajući mi šale, odvlačeći mi pažnju.
15:35
Two hours, they gave me a message.
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Dva sata, dali su mi poruku.
15:38
We are not alone.
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Nismo sami.
15:40
And then, in the middle of a sentence, at the very birth of twilight,
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I tada, usred rečenice, pred samo rođenje sumraka,
15:43
I turned and looked down the street.
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okrenuo sam se i pogledao dolje niz ulicu.
15:45
The stars aligned, and she came back.
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Zvijezde su se posložile i ona se vratila.
15:48
She was smiling. She did not understand why I was so worried.
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Smiješila se. Nije shvaćala zašto sam se toliko zabrinuo.
15:51
Neither did the Liberians,
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Niti su Liberijci,
15:53
although there was a huge amount of relief in their laughter
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premda je bila prisutna velika doza olakšanja u njihovom smijehu
15:55
as they clapped us on the back, and went back up to their room
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kada su nas potapšali po leđima i otišli gore u svoju sobu
15:58
and left us alone in the street, holding hands.
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ostavljajući nas same na ulici, držeći se za ruke.
16:01
An event like this leaves a scar on the memory,
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Takav događaj ostavlja ožiljak u sjećanju,
16:04
much like a piece of alien technology
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slično kao i komadić vanzemaljske tehnologije
16:06
that has been inserted into your buttocks
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koji je umetnut u tvoju zadnjicu
16:08
by a "Portuguese doctor."
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od strane "portugalskog doktora".
16:10
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
16:12
And even now, a decade and a half later,
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Čak i sad, desetljeće i pol kasnije,
16:14
even now that we are married,
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čak i sad kada smo udani,
16:16
I look for her still, whenever she is not in the room.
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tražim je kad god nije u prostoriji.
16:19
And even though, I think you'll agree, it is probable
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Čak i ako se složite kako je vjerojatno
16:22
that during the time she was away,
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da je tijekom vremena kada je nije bilo,
16:24
she was kidnapped and replaced by an alien clone,
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bila oteta i zamijenjena klonom vanzemaljca,
16:27
I love her and wait for her still.
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volim je i još uvijek je čekam.
16:29
Thank you for your kind attention.
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Hvala vam na pažnji.
16:31
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
John Hodgman - ExpertJohn Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign.
Why you should listen
You may know him only as the PC in Apple's PC vs. Mac smackdown ads, or as the Daily Show with Jon Stewart's Resident Expert. But John Hodgman has many other claims to fame. He's the author of The Areas of My Expertise, which provides vital and completely fake details on the great lobster conspiracy, hoboes, nine US presidents who had hooks for hands, and how to win a fight; the followup More Information Than You Require; and his newest (and he claims last), That Is All.
He is a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine; host of the Little Gray Book Lectures, a monthly series that has aired on This American Life; and an actual former professional literary agent.
John Hodgman | Speaker | TED.com