Mandy Len Catron: A better way to talk about love
曼迪·兰·凯特伦: 如何更好地讨论爱情
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about how we talk about love.
我们谈论爱情的方法。
谈论爱情时犯的错误。
with how we talk about love.
fall in love a few times
this metaphor, falling,
talk about that experience.
out of a cartoon --
over an open manhole,
“坠入”与“跳入”不同。
because falling is not jumping.
without our consent.
一段新恋情时的描述方式。
about starting a new relationship.
an English teacher,
about words for a living.
to argue that the language we use matters,
日常用语是很要紧的,
that many of the metaphors we use
the experience of loving someone
unavoidable circumstances.
of the word "smite."
in the dictionary --
as both "grievous affliction,"
with a very particular context,
there are 16 references to smiting,
就16次提及这个单词,
一位愤怒的神的复仇。
for the vengeance of an angry God.
to talk about love
a plague of locusts.
和伤痛与苦难混为一谈?
with great pain and suffering?
this ostensibly good experience
metaphor in particular,
researching romantic love,
metaphors everywhere.
love to mental illness.
so crazy in love -- "
碧昂斯·诺里斯。
Beyoncé Knowles.
time when I was 20,
relationship right from the start.
for the first couple of years,
and very low lows.
很高的高潮和很低的低谷。
in a hostel in South America,
I love walk out the door.
and stormed out.
what that argument was about,
how I felt watching him leave.
in the developing world,
第一次来到发展中国家,
of the town that I was in,
出发地城市的名字,
that I needed to get to to fly out,
a moment of opportunity,
this love thing right."
是渴望在爱情中受伤的。
wanted to feel miserable in love.
to me now, but at 22,
但对于22岁的我,
很气愤、很绝望,
and furious and devastated,
legitimized the feelings I had
to feel a little bit crazy,
that was how loved worked.
with the title "Crazy Love."
he came back to our room.
happy week traveling together.
terrible and so great.
to feel like madness,
that expectation very well.
on him loving me back --
is not that unusual.
并不是非常罕见。
in the early stages of romantic love.
都会感受到些许疯狂。
that this is somewhat normal,
are not that easily distinguished.
levels of the newly in love
the serotonin levels
with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
with seasonal affective disorder
to our moods and our behaviors.
that the low levels of serotonin
about the object of love,
has set up camp in your brain.
when we first fall in love.
it doesn't always last that long --
to a couple of years.
to South America,
understand my grievous affliction,
with most of them.
unhappy year of my life.
it was my job to be miserable,
together eventually.
equals great reward,
are both biological and cultural.
既是生理上的,又是文化上的。
circuits in our brain,
它又告诉我们爱情是痛苦的,
when, after a fight or a breakup,
you've heard this --
like going through cocaine withdrawal,
these ideas about love.
about metaphors about pain
in our words and stories,
is that all of this happens
鼓励终生一夫一妻制的文化里。
lifelong monogamy.
要不改变我们的期望。
or change our expectations.
less passive in love.
所有人的爱情都没那么被动。
more open-minded, more generous
心胸变得更宽广、更开放,
the first person to suggest this.
提出了一个非常有趣的方法
suggest a really interesting solution
the way we experience the world,
左右我们感受世界的方式,
as a guide for future actions,
我们未来行动的指引,
a new metaphor for love:
爱情的一种新比喻:
of thinking about love.
as having entailments,
all the implications of,
within, a given metaphor.
talk about everything
on a work of art entails:
patience, shared goals.
with our cultural investment
其它各种恋爱关系——
for other kinds of relationships --
non-monogamous, asexual --
非一夫一妻制,无性恋……
much more complex ideas
and discipline,
会造成很多精神压力。
and emotionally demanding.
of love is different.
从爱情中寻求更多,
to demand more from love,
爱情给我提供的感受。
whatever love offered.
不能和罗密欧在一起,
cannot be with Romeo,
at this point in the play,
戏剧演到这里的时候
is unlike contemporary North America,
和当今的北美非常不同,
I get to create with someone I admire,
与我所爱的人共同创造的东西,
that just happens to me
陷入疯狂与痛苦,
and crushing some days,
is to talk to my partner
我的任务是与伴侣交流,
than the alternative,
that feels like madness.
or losing someone's affection.
赢取或者失去某人的爱慕,
that you trust your partner
when trusting feels difficult,
挺革命性、颠覆性的。
of revolutionary, radical act.
thinking about yourself
or losing in your relationship,
about what you have to offer.
allows us to say things like,
可能这不适合我们吧。”
Maybe this isn't for us."
was shorter than I had planned,
比我预计的要短一些,
about the collaborative work of art
or draw or sculpt itself.
to decide what it looks like.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Mandy Len Catron - WriterMandy Len Catron explores love stories.
Why you should listen
Originally from Appalachian Virginia, Mandy Len Catron is a writer living and working in Vancouver, British Columbia. Her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone, is available for preorder on Amazon. Catron's writing has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Walrus, as well as literary journals and anthologies. She writes about love and love stories at The Love Story Project and teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Her article "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This" was one of the most popular articles published by the New York Times in 2015.
Mandy Len Catron | Speaker | TED.com