TEDxLinnaeusUniversity
Guy Winch: Why we all need to practice emotional first aid
Guy Winch: Zašto svi trebamo prakticirati emocionalnu prvu pomoć
Filmed:
Readability: 3.6
10,148,018 views
Svi idemo doktoru kad nas napada gripa ili nas nešto uporno boli. Zašto onda ne idemo stručnjaku zbog emocionalne boli poput krivnje, gubitka ili usamljenosti? Guy Winch tvrdi da se previše nas pokušava samostalno nositi s najčešćim problemima psihičkog zdravlja, Ali to ne mora biti tako. U ovom govoru daje uvjerljive argumente za prakticiranje emocionalne higijene -- pružajući jednaku brigu našim emocijama i umovima kakvu pružamo i našim tijelima.
Guy Winch - Psychologist, author
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I grew up with my identical twin,
0
3034
3507
Odrastao sam s jednojajčanim
bratom blizancem
bratom blizancem
00:18
who was an incredibly loving brother.
1
6541
3167
koji je bio iznimno brižan.
00:21
Now, one thing about being a twin
is that it makes you an expert
is that it makes you an expert
2
9708
4407
Kad ste blizanac, postanete stručnjak
00:26
at spotting favoritism.
3
14115
2615
u prepoznavanju favoritizma.
00:28
If his cookie was even slightly bigger
than my cookie, I had questions.
than my cookie, I had questions.
4
16730
5770
Ako je njegov kolač bio barem malo veći
od moga, imao sam pitanja.
od moga, imao sam pitanja.
00:34
And clearly, I wasn't starving.
5
22500
4420
Očito, nisam gladovao.
00:38
(Laughter)
6
26929
2026
(Smijeh)
00:40
When I became a psychologist, I began to
notice favoritism of a different kind,
notice favoritism of a different kind,
7
28955
5448
Kad sam postao psiholog, počeo sam
primjećivati drugu vrstu favoritizma -
primjećivati drugu vrstu favoritizma -
00:46
and that is how much more we
value the body than we do the mind.
value the body than we do the mind.
8
34403
5880
koliko više cijenimo tijelo od uma.
00:52
I spent nine years at university earning
my doctorate in psychology,
my doctorate in psychology,
9
40283
6057
Proveo sam devet godina na sveučilištu
radeći na doktoratu iz psihologije
radeći na doktoratu iz psihologije
00:58
and I can't tell you how many people
look at my business card and say,
look at my business card and say,
10
46340
4420
i nemate pojma koliko ljudi pogleda
moju posjetnicu i kaže:
moju posjetnicu i kaže:
01:02
"Oh, a psychologist.
So not a real doctor,"
So not a real doctor,"
11
50768
4536
"Oh, psiholog.
Dakle, niste pravi liječnik."
Dakle, niste pravi liječnik."
01:07
as if it should say that on my card.
12
55304
3477
Kao da bi to na njoj trebalo pisati.
01:10
(Laughter)
13
58781
4591
(Smijeh)
01:15
This favoritism we show the body
over the mind, I see it everywhere.
over the mind, I see it everywhere.
14
63372
5563
Ovaj favoritizam tijela
nad umom vidim posvuda.
nad umom vidim posvuda.
01:21
I recently was at a friend's house,
15
69535
1874
Nedavno sam bio kod prijatelja
01:23
and their five-year-old
was getting ready for bed.
was getting ready for bed.
16
71409
2800
i njihov se petogodišnjak
spremao na počinak.
spremao na počinak.
01:26
He was standing on a stool
by the sink brushing his teeth,
by the sink brushing his teeth,
17
74209
3773
Stajao je na stolici pored sudopera
i prao zube,
i prao zube,
01:29
when he slipped, and scratched his leg
on the stool when he fell.
on the stool when he fell.
18
77982
3679
iznenada se poskliznuo i ogrebao nogu
o stolicu kad je pao.
o stolicu kad je pao.
01:33
He cried for a minute,
but then he got back up,
but then he got back up,
19
81661
2736
Malo je plakao, ali kad se ustao,
01:36
got back on the stool, and reached out for
a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut.
a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut.
20
84397
7146
popeo natrag na stolicu, uzeo je flaster
iz kutije i stavio ga na ogrebotinu.
iz kutije i stavio ga na ogrebotinu.
01:43
Now, this kid could barely
tie his shoelaces,
tie his shoelaces,
21
91543
3849
Ovaj dječak koji jedva zna svezati pertle
01:47
but he knew you have to cover a cut,
so it doesn't become infected,
so it doesn't become infected,
22
95392
4198
znao je da treba zaštititi ogrebotinu
kako se ne bi inficirala
kako se ne bi inficirala
01:51
and you have to care for
your teeth by brushing twice a day.
your teeth by brushing twice a day.
23
99590
3835
i da zube mora prati dvaput dnevno.
01:55
We all know how to maintain
our physical health
our physical health
24
103425
2944
Svi znamo održavati fizičko zdravlje
01:58
and how to practice dental hygiene, right?
25
106369
2539
i brinuti o zubnoj higijeni, zar ne?
02:00
We've known it since
we were five years old.
we were five years old.
26
108908
4090
Znali smo to već s pet godina.
02:04
But what do we know about maintaining
our psychological health?
our psychological health?
27
112998
4648
Ali što znamo o održavanju
psihičkog zdravlja?
psihičkog zdravlja?
02:09
Well, nothing.
28
117646
2132
Ništa.
02:11
What do we teach our children
about emotional hygiene?
about emotional hygiene?
29
119778
3790
Što učimo djecu o emocionalnoj higijeni?
02:16
Nothing.
30
124621
1636
Ništa.
02:18
How is it that we spend more time
taking care of our teeth
taking care of our teeth
31
126767
4472
Kako to da više vremena provedemo
brinući se o zubima
brinući se o zubima
02:23
than we do our minds.
32
131239
3146
nego o našim umovima?
02:26
Why is it that our physical health is
so much more important to us
so much more important to us
33
134385
4297
Zašto nam je fizičko zdravlje
toliko važnije
toliko važnije
02:30
than our psychological health?
34
138682
2711
od psihičkog?
02:33
We sustain psychological injuries
even more often than we do physical ones,
even more often than we do physical ones,
35
141393
5326
Češće podliježemo
psihičkim ozljedama nego fizičkim;
psihičkim ozljedama nego fizičkim;
02:38
injuries like failure
or rejection or loneliness.
or rejection or loneliness.
36
146719
4764
ozljede poput neuspjeha,
odbacivanja ili usamljenosti.
odbacivanja ili usamljenosti.
02:43
And they can also get
worse if we ignore them,
worse if we ignore them,
37
151483
2572
I one se mogu pogoršati
ukoliko ih ignoriramo
ukoliko ih ignoriramo
02:46
and they can impact our lives
in dramatic ways.
in dramatic ways.
38
154055
3230
i mogu dramatično utjecati
na naše živote.
na naše živote.
02:49
And yet, even though there are
scientifically proven techniques
scientifically proven techniques
39
157285
4086
Iako postoje znanstveno dokazane
tehnike
tehnike
02:53
we could use to treat these
kinds of psychological injuries,
kinds of psychological injuries,
40
161371
4369
kojima možemo tretirati ovakve vrste
psihičkih ozljeda,
psihičkih ozljeda,
02:57
we don't.
41
165740
1392
mi to ne činimo.
02:59
It doesn't even occur to us
that we should.
that we should.
42
167132
3302
Čak nam ni ne pada na pamet
da bismo trebali.
da bismo trebali.
03:02
"Oh, you're feeling depressed?
Just shake it off; it's all in your head."
Just shake it off; it's all in your head."
43
170434
4513
"Oh, depresivan si?"
"Nije to ništa, sve je to u tvojoj glavi!"
"Nije to ništa, sve je to u tvojoj glavi!"
03:06
Can you imagine saying that
to somebody with a broken leg:
to somebody with a broken leg:
44
174947
3268
Možete li se zamisliti kako to govorite
nekome sa slomljenom nogom:
nekome sa slomljenom nogom:
03:10
"Oh, just walk it off;
it's all in your leg."
it's all in your leg."
45
178215
3264
"Prošeći malo, sve je to u tvojoj nozi!"
03:13
(Laughter)
46
181479
1969
(Smijeh)
03:15
It is time we closed the gap between
our physical and our psychological health.
our physical and our psychological health.
47
183448
5653
Vrijeme je da prevladamo jaz
između fizičkog i psihičkog zdravlja.
između fizičkog i psihičkog zdravlja.
03:21
It's time we made them more equal,
48
189101
3096
Vrijeme je da ih više izjednačimo.
03:24
more like twins.
49
192197
2866
poput blizanaca.
03:27
Speaking of which,
my brother is also a psychologist.
my brother is also a psychologist.
50
195063
3646
Kad smo već kod toga,
brat mi je isto psiholog.
brat mi je isto psiholog.
03:30
So he's not a real doctor, either.
51
198709
3188
Ni on nije pravi liječnik.
03:33
(Laughter)
52
201897
1752
(Smijeh)
03:35
We didn't study together, though.
53
203649
2055
Nismo zajedno studirali.
03:37
In fact, the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life
I've ever done in my life
54
205704
4141
Najteža stvar koju sam ikad napravio
03:41
is move across the Atlantic
to New York City
to New York City
55
209845
2986
bila je selidba preko Atlantika
do New Yorka
do New Yorka
03:44
to get my doctorate in psychology.
56
212831
2986
kako bih dobio doktorat iz psihologije.
03:47
We were apart then
for the first time in our lives,
for the first time in our lives,
57
215817
2986
Tada smo bili razdvojeni po prvi puta
03:50
and the separation was
brutal for both of us.
brutal for both of us.
58
218803
3492
i bilo je to užasno teško za obojicu.
03:54
But while he remained among
family and friends,
family and friends,
59
222295
3169
On je ostao među obitelji i prijateljima,
03:57
I was alone in a new country.
60
225464
3216
a ja sam bio sam u novoj zemlji.
04:00
We missed each other terribly,
61
228680
1466
Užasno smo si nedostajali,
04:02
but international phone calls were
really expensive then
really expensive then
62
230146
3327
ali međunarodni pozivi
tada su bili užasno skupi
tada su bili užasno skupi
04:05
and we could only afford to speak
for five minutes a week.
for five minutes a week.
63
233473
4326
i mogli smo razgovarati
samo pet minuta tjedno.
samo pet minuta tjedno.
04:09
When our birthday rolled around,
64
237799
2604
Kad nam je došao rođendan,
04:12
it was the first we wouldn't
be spending together.
be spending together.
65
240403
2437
bio je to prvi koji nismo
provodili zajedno.
provodili zajedno.
04:14
We decide to splurge, and that week
we would talk for 10 minutes.
we would talk for 10 minutes.
66
242840
4451
Odlučili smo se razmetati i taj tjedan
razgovarati 10 minuta.
razgovarati 10 minuta.
04:19
I spent the morning pacing around my room,
waiting for him to call --
waiting for him to call --
67
247291
3918
Cijelo sam jutro šetkao po sobi
čekajući njegov poziv --
čekajući njegov poziv --
04:23
and waiting and waiting,
but the phone didn't ring.
but the phone didn't ring.
68
251209
6483
čekao sam i čekao,
ali telefon nije zazvonio.
ali telefon nije zazvonio.
04:29
Given the time difference, I assumed,
69
257692
2475
S obzirom na vremensku razliku,
pretpostavljao sam:
pretpostavljao sam:
04:32
"Ok, he's out with friends,
he will call later."
he will call later."
70
260167
2641
"Dobro, vani je s prijateljima,
nazvat će kasnije."
nazvat će kasnije."
04:34
There were no cell phones then.
71
262808
2045
Tada nije bilo mobitela.
04:36
But he didn't.
72
264853
2185
Ali nije nazvao.
04:39
And I began to realize that after
being away for over 10 months,
being away for over 10 months,
73
267038
4985
Počeo sam shvaćati da
nakon 10 mjeseci odvojenosti
nakon 10 mjeseci odvojenosti
04:44
he no longer missed me
the way I missed him.
the way I missed him.
74
272023
3810
ja njemu više nisam nedostajao
koliko je on meni nedostajao.
koliko je on meni nedostajao.
04:47
I knew he would call in the morning,
75
275833
1876
Znao sam da će nazvati ujutro,
04:49
but that night was one of the
saddest and longest nights of my life.
saddest and longest nights of my life.
76
277709
6876
ali to mi je bila jedna od najtužnijih
i najduljih noći u životu.
i najduljih noći u životu.
04:56
I woke up the next morning.
77
284585
2277
Sljedećeg sam se jutra probudio,
04:58
I glanced down at the phone, and
I realized I had kicked it off the hook
I realized I had kicked it off the hook
78
286862
4275
pogledao telefon i shvatio
da sam ga iskopčao
da sam ga iskopčao
05:03
when pacing the day before.
79
291137
3476
prešetavajući se po sobi dan prije.
05:06
I stumbled out off bed,
80
294613
1863
Isteturao sam se iz kreveta,
05:08
I put the phone back on the receiver,
and it rang a second later,
and it rang a second later,
81
296476
3157
uključio telefon i odmah je zazvonio.
05:11
and it was my brother,
and, boy, was he pissed.
and, boy, was he pissed.
82
299633
3973
Bio je to moj brat i bio je bijesan.
05:15
(Laughter)
83
303606
1922
(Smijeh)
05:17
It was the saddest and longest
night of his life as well.
night of his life as well.
84
305528
3440
I njemu je to bila
najduža i najtužnija noć u životu.
najduža i najtužnija noć u životu.
05:20
Now I tried to explain what
happened, but he said,
happened, but he said,
85
308968
2592
Pokušao sam mu objasniti što se dogodilo,
no rekao je:
no rekao je:
05:23
"I don't understand.
If you saw I wasn't calling you,
If you saw I wasn't calling you,
86
311560
3028
"Ne razumijem.
Ako si vidio da ja ne zovem tebe,
Ako si vidio da ja ne zovem tebe,
05:26
why didn't you just pick up
the phone and call me?"
the phone and call me?"
87
314588
4811
zašto ti nisi nazvao mene?"
05:31
He was right. Why didn't I call him?
88
319399
4145
Bio je u pravu. Zašto ga nisam nazvao?
05:35
I didn't have an answer then,
but I do today,
but I do today,
89
323544
3043
Tada nisam imao odgovor,
ali danas ga imam.
ali danas ga imam.
05:38
and it's a simple one: loneliness.
90
326587
5055
Krajnje je jednostavan: usamljenost.
05:43
Loneliness creates a
deep psychological wound,
deep psychological wound,
91
331642
4284
Usamljenost stvara duboku psihičku ranu,
05:47
one that distorts our perceptions
and scrambles our thinking.
and scrambles our thinking.
92
335926
3957
ranu koja nam iskrivljava
percepciju i muti razum.
percepciju i muti razum.
05:51
It makes us believe that those around us
care much less than they actually do.
care much less than they actually do.
93
339883
5639
Zahvaljujući njoj mislimo
da našim bližnjima nije stalo do nas.
da našim bližnjima nije stalo do nas.
05:57
It make us really afraid to reach out,
94
345522
2830
Zahvaljujući njoj bojimo se
otvoriti ljudima
otvoriti ljudima
06:00
because why set yourself up
for rejection and heartache
for rejection and heartache
95
348352
3450
jer zašto biti žrtvom
odbacivanja ili patnje
odbacivanja ili patnje
06:03
when your heart is already aching
more than you can stand?
more than you can stand?
96
351802
4472
kad već patite više no što
možete podnijeti?
možete podnijeti?
06:08
I was in the grips of real
loneliness back then,
loneliness back then,
97
356274
3264
Tada me morila ozbiljna usamljenost,
06:11
but I was surrounded by people all day,
so it never occurred to me.
so it never occurred to me.
98
359538
4501
no bio sam okružen ljudima po cijele dane,
pa mi nije ni palo na pamet.
pa mi nije ni palo na pamet.
06:16
But loneliness is defined
purely subjectively.
purely subjectively.
99
364039
4655
Usamljenost se definira
isključivo subjektivno.
isključivo subjektivno.
06:20
It depends solely on whether you feel
100
368694
2845
Isključivo ovisi o tome osjećate li se
06:23
emotionally or socially disconnected
from those around you.
from those around you.
101
371539
3575
emocionalno ili društveno
odvojeno od okoline.
odvojeno od okoline.
06:27
And I did.
102
375114
1785
A ja jesam.
06:28
There is a lot of research on loneliness,
and all of it is horrifying.
and all of it is horrifying.
103
376899
6464
Usamljenost se uvelike istražuje
i sve je to zastrašujuće.
i sve je to zastrašujuće.
06:35
Loneliness won't just make you
miserable, it will kill you.
miserable, it will kill you.
104
383363
4152
Usamljenost vas neće samo
učiniti nesretnima - ubit će vas.
učiniti nesretnima - ubit će vas.
06:39
I'm not kidding.
105
387515
1418
Ne šalim se.
06:40
Chronic loneliness increases your
likelihood of an early death
likelihood of an early death
106
388933
3734
Kronična usamljenost povećava
izglede preuranjene smrti
izglede preuranjene smrti
06:44
by 14 percent.
107
392667
3991
za 14 posto.
06:48
Loneliness causes high blood pressure,
high cholesterol.
high cholesterol.
108
396658
4023
Usamljenost uzrokuje povišen krvni tlak,
povišen kolesterol.
povišen kolesterol.
06:52
It even suppress the functioning
of your immune system,
of your immune system,
109
400681
3876
Čak otežava funkcioniranje
imunološkog sustava,
imunološkog sustava,
06:56
making you vulnerable to all kinds
of illnesses and diseases.
of illnesses and diseases.
110
404557
4251
zbog čega ste ranjivi na svakakve bolesti.
07:00
In fact, scientists have concluded
that taken together,
that taken together,
111
408808
3561
Znanstvenici su zaključili
07:04
chronic loneliness poses as
significant a risk
significant a risk
112
412369
3621
da kronična usamljenost
nosi jednako značajan rizik
nosi jednako značajan rizik
07:07
for your longterm health and
longevity as cigarette smoking.
longevity as cigarette smoking.
113
415990
4391
dugoročnom zdravlju
i dugovječnosti kao i pušenje.
i dugovječnosti kao i pušenje.
07:12
Now cigarette packs come with warnings
saying, "This could kill you."
saying, "This could kill you."
114
420381
4652
Sada se na cigarete stavljaju upozorenja:
"Ovo vas može ubiti."
"Ovo vas može ubiti."
07:17
But loneliness doesn't.
115
425033
2372
Usamljenost ne dolazi s tim upozorenjem.
07:19
And that's why it's so important that
we prioritize our psychological health,
we prioritize our psychological health,
116
427405
4502
Zato je važno dati prednost
psihičkom zdravlju,
psihičkom zdravlju,
07:23
that we practice emotional hygiene.
117
431907
3403
prakticirati emocionalnu higijenu.
07:27
Because you can't treat
a psychological wound
a psychological wound
118
435310
2972
Psihološku ranu ne možemo liječiti
07:30
if you don't even know you're injured.
119
438282
3230
ukoliko ne znamo da smo ozlijeđeni.
07:34
Loneliness isn't the only
psychological wound
psychological wound
120
442153
2791
Usamljenost nije jedina psihološka rana
07:36
that distorts our perceptions
and misleads us.
and misleads us.
121
444944
3468
koja nam iskrivljava percepciju
i obmanjuje nas.
i obmanjuje nas.
07:40
Failure does that as well.
122
448412
3406
To čini i neuspjeh.
07:43
I once visited a day care center,
123
451818
2182
Jednom sam posjetio vrtić
07:46
where I saw three toddlers
play with identical plastic toys.
play with identical plastic toys.
124
454000
5204
i vidio troje male djece kako se igraju
s identičnim plastičnim igračkama.
s identičnim plastičnim igračkama.
07:51
You had to slide the red button,
and a cute doggie would pop out.
and a cute doggie would pop out.
125
459204
4700
Trebalo je gurnuti crveni gumb
kako bi slatki psić iskočio.
kako bi slatki psić iskočio.
07:55
One little girl tried pulling the
purple button, then pushing it,
purple button, then pushing it,
126
463905
4650
Jedna je djevojčica pokušala vući
i gurati ljubičasti gumb
i gurati ljubičasti gumb
08:00
and then she just sat back and looked
at the box, with her lower lip trembling.
at the box, with her lower lip trembling.
127
468555
4362
i nakon toga samo je sjela i gledala
kutiju dok joj je donja usnica drhtala.
kutiju dok joj je donja usnica drhtala.
08:04
The little boy next to her
watched this happen,
watched this happen,
128
472917
3187
Dječak pored nje sve je to vidio,
08:08
then turned to his box and and burst
into tears without even touching it.
into tears without even touching it.
129
476104
5260
okrenuo se prema svojoj kutiji i
rasplakao se bez da ju je uopće dodirnuo.
rasplakao se bez da ju je uopće dodirnuo.
08:13
Meanwhile, another little girl tried
everything she could think of
everything she could think of
130
481364
3243
U međuvremenu je druga djevojčica
isprobavala sve što je stigla
isprobavala sve što je stigla
08:16
until she slid the red button,
131
484607
1808
sve dok nije gurnula crveni gumb,
08:18
the cute doggie popped out,
and she squealed with delight.
and she squealed with delight.
132
486415
4117
slatki psić iskočio, a ona
ciknula od sreće.
ciknula od sreće.
08:22
So three toddlers with
identical plastic toys,
identical plastic toys,
133
490532
3393
Dakle, troje male djece
s identičnim igračkama,
s identičnim igračkama,
08:25
but with very different
reactions to failure.
reactions to failure.
134
493925
4032
ali s iznimno drugačijim
reakcijama na neuspjeh.
reakcijama na neuspjeh.
08:29
The first two toddlers were perfectly
capable of sliding a red button.
capable of sliding a red button.
135
497957
4321
Prva dva djeteta bila su sposobna
gurnuti crveni gumb.
gurnuti crveni gumb.
08:34
The only thing that prevented
them from succeeding
them from succeeding
136
502278
3312
U tome ih je spriječio jedino
08:37
was that their mind tricked them
into believing they could not.
into believing they could not.
137
505590
4330
njihov um koji ih je prevario
rekavši im da oni to ne mogu.
rekavši im da oni to ne mogu.
08:41
Now, adults get tricked this way
as well, all the time.
as well, all the time.
138
509920
4050
Odrasli se također nerijetko
daju ovako prevariti.
daju ovako prevariti.
08:45
In fact, we all have a default set of
feelings and beliefs that gets triggered
feelings and beliefs that gets triggered
139
513970
6439
Svi mi imamo zadane postavke
emocija i uvjerenja koje se aktiviraju
emocija i uvjerenja koje se aktiviraju
08:52
whenever we encounter
frustrations and setbacks.
frustrations and setbacks.
140
520409
3176
kadgod se susretnemo
s frustracijama i preprekama.
s frustracijama i preprekama.
08:55
Are you aware of how
your mind reacts to failure?
your mind reacts to failure?
141
523585
3119
Znate li kako vaš um reagira na neuspjeh?
08:58
You need to be.
142
526704
1329
Trebali biste.
09:00
Because if your mind tries to convince you
you're incapable of something
you're incapable of something
143
528033
4281
Ukoliko vas um pokušava uvjeriti
da nešto ne možete napraviti,
da nešto ne možete napraviti,
09:04
and you believe it,
144
532314
1649
a vi mu povjerujete,
09:05
then like those two toddlers,
you'll begin to feel helpless
you'll begin to feel helpless
145
533963
3298
poput ona dva djeteta, počet ćete se
osjećati bespomoćno
osjećati bespomoćno
09:09
and you'll stop trying too soon,
or you won't even try at all.
or you won't even try at all.
146
537261
3598
i prebrzo prestati pokušavati
ili više uopće nećete ni pokušavati.
ili više uopće nećete ni pokušavati.
09:12
And then you'll be even more
convinced you can't succeed.
convinced you can't succeed.
147
540859
3108
Tada ćete biti još uvjereniji
da ne možete uspjeti.
da ne možete uspjeti.
09:15
You see, that's why so many people
function below their actual potential.
function below their actual potential.
148
543967
4618
Vidite, zato toliki ljudi ne koriste
svoje prave potencijale.
svoje prave potencijale.
09:20
Because somewhere along the way,
sometimes a single failure
sometimes a single failure
149
548585
3674
Negdje usput, nekada je
čak samo jedan neuspjeh
čak samo jedan neuspjeh
09:24
convinced them that they couldn't
succeed, and they believed it.
succeed, and they believed it.
150
552259
3630
dovoljan da ih uvjeri da ne mogu uspjeti,
a oni su u to povjerovali.
a oni su u to povjerovali.
09:27
Once we become convinced of something,
it's very difficult to change our mind.
it's very difficult to change our mind.
151
555893
6073
Jednom kada se uvjerimo u nešto,
teško mijenjamo to mišljenje.
teško mijenjamo to mišljenje.
09:33
I learned that lesson the hard way
when I was a teenager with my brother.
when I was a teenager with my brother.
152
561966
4065
To sam kao tinejdžer naučio
na teži način, sa svojim bratom.
na teži način, sa svojim bratom.
09:38
We were driving with friends
down a dark road at night,
down a dark road at night,
153
566031
3359
Po noći smo se vozili s prijateljima
mračnom cestom
mračnom cestom
09:41
when a police car stopped us.
154
569390
1542
i zaustavila nas je policija.
09:42
There had been a robbery in the area
and they were looking for suspects.
and they were looking for suspects.
155
570932
3412
U kvartu se dogodila pljačka
i tražili su sumnjivce.
i tražili su sumnjivce.
09:46
The officer approached the car, and he
shined his flashlight on the driver,
shined his flashlight on the driver,
156
574344
3943
Policajac je pristupio autu,
bateriju uperio prema vozaču
bateriju uperio prema vozaču
09:50
then on my brother in the front seat,
and then on me.
and then on me.
157
578287
4284
pa prema mom bratu na mjestu suvozača,
a onda i prema meni.
a onda i prema meni.
09:54
And his eyes opened wide and he said,
158
582571
2203
Razrogačio je oči i rekao:
09:56
"Where have I seen your face before?"
159
584774
2203
"Gdje sam već vidio to lice?"
09:58
(Laughter)
160
586977
3098
(Smijeh)
10:02
And I said, "In the front seat."
161
590075
3721
Rekoh: "Na mjestu suvozača."
10:05
(Laughter)
162
593796
2511
(Smijeh)
10:08
But that made no sense
to him whatsoever.
to him whatsoever.
163
596307
2506
Ali njemu to nije imalo nikakvog smisla.
10:10
So now he thought I was on drugs.
164
598813
2324
Pomislio je da sam na drogama.
10:13
(Laughter)
165
601137
1134
(Smijeh)
10:14
So he drags me out of the car,
he searches me,
he searches me,
166
602271
2524
Izvukao me iz auta i počeo pretraživati,
10:16
he marches me over to the police car,
167
604795
2005
poslao me do policijskog vozila
10:18
and only when he verified
I didn't have a police record,
I didn't have a police record,
168
606800
2965
i tek kad se uvjerio da nemam dosje,
10:21
could I show him
I had a twin in the front seat.
I had a twin in the front seat.
169
609765
4466
mogao sam mu pokazati da imam
brata blizanca na mjestu suvozača.
brata blizanca na mjestu suvozača.
10:26
But even as we were driving away,
you could see by the look on his face
you could see by the look on his face
170
614231
3417
Ali dok smo odlazili od njega,
na faci mu je pisalo
na faci mu je pisalo
10:29
he was convinced that I was
getting away with something.
getting away with something.
171
617648
5006
da je bio uvjeren
da sam se izvukao s nečim.
da sam se izvukao s nečim.
10:34
Our mind is hard to change
once we become convinced.
once we become convinced.
172
622655
4014
Teško nas je razuvjeriti kad se
jednom uvjerimo u nešto.
jednom uvjerimo u nešto.
10:38
So it might be very natural to feel
demoralized and defeated after you fail.
demoralized and defeated after you fail.
173
626669
4762
Stoga je prirodno osjećati se
demoralizirano i poraženo nakon neuspjeha.
demoralizirano i poraženo nakon neuspjeha.
10:43
But you cannot allow yourself to become
convinced you can't succeed.
convinced you can't succeed.
174
631431
4811
Ali ne smijete si dozvoliti
da se uvjerite u neuspjeh.
da se uvjerite u neuspjeh.
10:48
You have to fight
feelings of helplessness.
feelings of helplessness.
175
636242
2590
Morate se boriti
s osjećajem bespomoćnosti,
s osjećajem bespomoćnosti,
10:50
You have to gain control
over the situation.
over the situation.
176
638832
3561
uspostaviti kontrolu nad situacijom i
10:54
And you have to break this kind of
negative cycle before it begins.
negative cycle before it begins.
177
642393
4508
prekinuti ovaj začarani krug
prije no što uopće počne.
prije no što uopće počne.
11:00
Our minds and our feelings,
178
648191
2345
Naši umovi i osjećaji
11:02
they're not the trustworthy friends
we thought they were.
we thought they were.
179
650536
3105
nisu pouzdani prijatelji
kakvima ih smatramo.
kakvima ih smatramo.
11:05
They are more like a really moody friend,
180
653641
2725
Promjenjivog su raspoloženja:
11:08
who can be totally supportive one minute,
and really unpleasant the next.
and really unpleasant the next.
181
656366
5445
u jednom trenutku mogu biti puni podrške,
a u drugom krajnje neugodni.
a u drugom krajnje neugodni.
11:13
I once worked with this woman
182
661811
1875
Nekoć sam radio s jednom ženom
11:15
who after 20 years marriage
and an extremely ugly divorce,
and an extremely ugly divorce,
183
663686
4287
koja je nakon 20 godina braka
i neugodnog razvoda
i neugodnog razvoda
11:19
was finally ready for her first date.
184
667973
2353
konačno bila spremna na prvi spoj.
11:22
She had met this guy online, and he
seemed nice and he seemed successful,
seemed nice and he seemed successful,
185
670326
4632
Online je upoznala muškarca
koji se činio kao dobar i uspješan čovjek
koji se činio kao dobar i uspješan čovjek
11:26
and most importantly,
he seemed really into her.
he seemed really into her.
186
674958
3555
i što je najvažnije, doimao se
zainteresirano za nju.
zainteresirano za nju.
11:30
So she was very excited,
she bought a new dress,
she bought a new dress,
187
678513
3071
Bila je jako uzbuđena,
kupila je novu haljinu
kupila je novu haljinu
11:33
and they met at an upscale
New York City bar for a drink.
New York City bar for a drink.
188
681584
4083
i našli su se na piću u
ekskluzivnom njujorkškom baru.
ekskluzivnom njujorkškom baru.
11:37
Ten minutes into the date,
the man stands up and says,
the man stands up and says,
189
685667
3571
Nakon 10 minuta čovjek se ustao i rekao:
11:41
"I'm not interested," and walks out.
190
689238
4080
"Nisam zainteresiran" i otišao.
11:45
Rejection is extremely painful.
191
693318
4254
Odbacivanje je užasno bolno.
11:49
The woman was so hurt she couldn't move.
All she could do was call a friend.
All she could do was call a friend.
192
697572
4445
Nije se mogla pomaknuti od boli.
Samo je mogla nazvati prijateljicu.
Samo je mogla nazvati prijateljicu.
11:54
Here's what the friend said:
"Well, what do you expect?
"Well, what do you expect?
193
702017
4732
Ovo joj je ona rekla:
"Pa što očekuješ?
"Pa što očekuješ?
11:58
You have big hips,
you have nothing interesting to say,
you have nothing interesting to say,
194
706749
3473
Imaš široke bokove i dosadna si.
12:02
why would a handsome,
successful man like that
successful man like that
195
710222
2624
Zašto bi tako zgodan i uspješan čovjek
12:04
ever go out with a loser like you?"
196
712846
4084
izlazio s gubitnicom poput tebe?"
12:08
Shocking, right, that a friend
could be so cruel?
could be so cruel?
197
716930
3095
Šokantno je koliko prijatelji
mogu biti okrutni, zar ne?
mogu biti okrutni, zar ne?
12:12
But it would be much less shocking
198
720025
2655
Bilo bi puno manje šokantno
12:14
if I told you it wasn't
the friend who said that.
the friend who said that.
199
722680
2877
da vam kažem da joj to nije
rekla prijateljica.
rekla prijateljica.
12:17
It's what the woman said to herself.
200
725557
2955
To si je ona sama rekla.
12:20
And that's something we all do,
especially after a rejection.
especially after a rejection.
201
728512
4498
Svi mi to činimo, pogotovo
nakon što doživimo odbacivanje.
nakon što doživimo odbacivanje.
12:25
We all start thinking of all our faults
and all our shortcomings,
and all our shortcomings,
202
733010
3547
Svi mi počnemo razmišljati
o svim našim manama i nedostatcima,
o svim našim manama i nedostatcima,
12:28
what we wish we were,
what we wish we weren't,
what we wish we weren't,
203
736557
2234
o onome što bismo željeli
ili ne željeli biti.
ili ne željeli biti.
12:30
we call ourselves names.
204
738791
1378
Vrijeđamo sami sebe.
12:32
Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.
205
740169
3360
Možda ne tako grubo, ali svi to činimo.
12:35
And it's interesting that we do, because
our self-esteem is already hurting.
our self-esteem is already hurting.
206
743529
4851
Čudno da to radimo kad nam je
samopouzdanje već povrijeđeno.
samopouzdanje već povrijeđeno.
12:40
Why would we want to go
and damage it even further?
and damage it even further?
207
748380
2960
Zašto ga želimo još ozbiljnije oštetiti?
12:43
We wouldn't make a physical injury
worse on purpose.
worse on purpose.
208
751340
2641
Ne bismo namjerno pogoršali
fizičku ozljedu.
fizičku ozljedu.
12:45
You wouldn't get a cut on your arm
and decide, "Oh, I know!
and decide, "Oh, I know!
209
753981
2929
Kada biste porezali ruku,
ne biste si iznenada rekli:
ne biste si iznenada rekli:
12:48
I'm going to take a knife and see
how much deeper I can make it."
how much deeper I can make it."
210
756910
3609
"E, da! Uzet ću nož da vidim
koliko se duboko mogu zarezati!"
koliko se duboko mogu zarezati!"
12:52
But we do that with psychological
injuries all the time.
injuries all the time.
211
760519
3454
A stalno to činimo sa psihičkim ozljedama.
12:55
Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.
212
763973
3692
Zašto? Zbog loše emocionalne higijene.
12:59
Because we don't prioritize
our psychological health.
our psychological health.
213
767665
2722
Zato što ne dajemo prednost
psihičkom zdravlju.
psihičkom zdravlju.
13:02
We know from dozens of studies
that when your self-esteem is lower,
that when your self-esteem is lower,
214
770387
3863
Iz brojnih smo studija naučili
da kada nam je samopouzdanje niže,
da kada nam je samopouzdanje niže,
13:06
you are more vulnerable to
stress and to anxiety,
stress and to anxiety,
215
774250
3673
podložniji smo stresu i anksioznosti,
13:09
that failures and rejections hurt more
and it takes longer to recover from them.
and it takes longer to recover from them.
216
777923
5223
neuspjesi i odbacivanja su bolniji
i trebamo više vremena za oporavak.
i trebamo više vremena za oporavak.
13:15
So when you get rejected,
the first thing you should be doing
the first thing you should be doing
217
783146
3179
Kada vas netko odbije,
prvo biste trebali
prvo biste trebali
13:18
is to revive your self-esteem, not
join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp.
join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp.
218
786325
6229
oživjeti svoje samopouzdanje,
a ne ga iscijediti kao limun.
a ne ga iscijediti kao limun.
13:24
When you're in emotional pain,
219
792554
2905
Kad emocionalno patite,
13:27
treat yourself with the same compassion
you would expect from a truly good friend.
you would expect from a truly good friend.
220
795459
6113
pružite si suosjećanje koje očekujete
od pravog prijatelja.
od pravog prijatelja.
13:35
We have to catch our unhealthy
psychological habits and change them.
psychological habits and change them.
221
803122
4436
Moramo prepoznati svoje nezdrave
psihološke navike i promijeniti ih.
psihološke navike i promijeniti ih.
13:39
One of unhealthiest and most common
is called rumination.
is called rumination.
222
807558
4670
Jedna od najnezdravijih i najučestalijih
jest preživanje.
jest preživanje.
13:44
To ruminate means to chew over.
223
812228
2761
Preživati znači neprestano prežvakivati.
13:46
It's when your boss yells at you, or your
professor makes you feel stupid in class,
professor makes you feel stupid in class,
224
814989
4371
Kad se šef izviče na vas ili profesor
napravi budalu od vas pred svima,
napravi budalu od vas pred svima,
13:51
or you have big fight with a friend
225
819360
2191
kad se ozbiljno posvađate s prijateljem
13:53
and you just can't stop replaying
the scene in your head for days,
the scene in your head for days,
226
821551
4417
i danima ne možete
prestati razmišljati o tome,
prestati razmišljati o tome,
13:57
sometimes for weeks on end.
227
825968
1969
nekada čak i tjednima.
13:59
Ruminating about upsetting events
in this way can easily become a habit,
in this way can easily become a habit,
228
827937
5708
Mozganje o potresnim događajima
lako može prerasti u naviku,
lako može prerasti u naviku,
14:05
and it's a very costly one.
229
833645
2088
i to skupu.
14:07
Because by spending so much time focused
on upsetting and negative thoughts,
on upsetting and negative thoughts,
230
835733
4189
Kada toliko vremena provodite usredotočeni
na uznemirujuće i negativne misli,
na uznemirujuće i negativne misli,
14:11
you are actually putting yourself
at significant risk
at significant risk
231
839922
2972
podložniji ste riziku
14:14
for developing clinical depression,
alcoholism, eating disorders,
alcoholism, eating disorders,
232
842894
4532
obolijevanja od kliničke depresije,
alkoholizma, poremećaja hranjenja,
alkoholizma, poremećaja hranjenja,
14:19
and even cardiovascular disease.
233
847426
2723
pa čak i kardiovaskularnih bolesti.
14:22
The problem is the urge to ruminate can
feel really strong and really important,
feel really strong and really important,
234
850149
5870
Nagon za mozganjem može se činiti
iznimno snažnim i važnim,
iznimno snažnim i važnim,
14:28
so it's a difficult habit to stop.
235
856019
2410
pa je teško prekinuti tu naviku.
14:30
I know this for a fact,
because a little over a year ago,
because a little over a year ago,
236
858429
3372
Znam to jer sam i sam
prije malo više od godinu dana
prije malo više od godinu dana
14:33
I developed the habit myself.
237
861801
2549
razvio tu naviku.
14:36
You see, my twin brother was diagnosed
with stage III non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
with stage III non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
238
864350
6479
Naime, bratu blizancu
dijagnosticiran je stadij III NHL-a.
dijagnosticiran je stadij III NHL-a.
14:42
His cancer was extremly aggressive.
239
870829
2304
Njegov je rak bio iznimno agresivan.
14:45
He had visible tumors all over his body.
240
873133
3771
Tumori su mu bili vidljivi na tijelu.
14:48
And he had to start
a harsh course of chemotherapy.
a harsh course of chemotherapy.
241
876904
4931
Morao je započeti intenzivnu kemoterapiju.
14:53
And I couldn't stop thinking about
what he was going through.
what he was going through.
242
881835
4662
Nisam mogao prestati razmišljati
o tome što on proživljava.
o tome što on proživljava.
14:58
I couldn't stop thinking about
how much he was suffering,
how much he was suffering,
243
886497
3235
Niti o tome koliko pati,
15:01
even though he never complained, not once.
244
889732
4600
iako se on nije baš nijednom požalio.
15:06
He had this incredibly positive attitude.
245
894332
2418
Imao je nevjerojatno pozitivan stav.
15:08
His psychological health was amazing.
246
896750
3629
Psihičko zdravlje mu je bilo fantastično.
15:12
I was physically healthy,
but psychologically I was a mess.
but psychologically I was a mess.
247
900379
4139
Ja sam bio fizički zdrav,
a psihički u kaosu.
a psihički u kaosu.
15:16
But I knew what to do.
248
904518
2230
Ali znao sam što mi je činiti.
15:18
Studies tell us that even a two-minute
distraction is sufficient
distraction is sufficient
249
906748
4162
Studije nam govore da je čak i
dvominutna distrakcija dovoljna
dvominutna distrakcija dovoljna
15:22
to break the urge to ruminate
in that moment.
in that moment.
250
910910
3058
da u tom trenutku prekine
nagon za mozganjem.
nagon za mozganjem.
15:25
And so each time I had a worrying,
upsetting, negative thought,
upsetting, negative thought,
251
913968
3497
Svaki puta kad bih iskusio zabrinjavajuću,
uznemirujuću, negativnu misao,
uznemirujuću, negativnu misao,
15:29
I forced myself to concentrate on
something else until the urge passed.
something else until the urge passed.
252
917465
4792
natjerao sam se da razmišljam o nečemu
drugom dok nagon ne prođe.
drugom dok nagon ne prođe.
15:34
And within one week,
my whole outlook changed
my whole outlook changed
253
922257
4346
Tijekom tjedan dana
perspektiva mi se potpuno promijenila
perspektiva mi se potpuno promijenila
15:38
and became more positive
and more hopeful.
and more hopeful.
254
926603
3510
i postala pozitivnija i bio sam pun nade.
15:43
Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy,
my brother had a CAT scan,
my brother had a CAT scan,
255
931569
4055
Nakon devet tjedana kemoterapije
brat mi je išao na CT
brat mi je išao na CT
15:47
and I was by his side when
he got the results.
he got the results.
256
935624
3636
i ja sam bio uz njega
kad je dobio rezultate.
kad je dobio rezultate.
15:51
All the tumors were gone.
257
939260
3237
Svi su tumori nestali.
15:54
He still had three more rounds
of chemotherapy to go,
of chemotherapy to go,
258
942497
2617
Čekale su ga još tri runde kemoterapije,
15:57
but we knew he would recover.
259
945114
2617
ali znali smo da će se oporaviti.
15:59
This picture was taken two weeks ago.
260
947731
4248
Ovo je uslikano prije dva tjedna.
16:05
By taking action when you're lonely,
261
953759
3088
Pokrenete li se kad ste usamljeni,
16:08
by changing your responses to failure,
262
956847
3378
promijenite li svoje reakcije na neuspjeh,
16:12
by protecting your self-esteem,
263
960225
2932
zaštite li svoje samopouzdanje,
16:15
by battling negative thinking,
264
963157
2032
borite li se s negativnim mislima,
16:17
you won't just heal your
psychological wounds,
psychological wounds,
265
965189
2698
nećete samo zaliječiti psihičke rane,
16:19
you will build emotional resilience,
you will thrive.
you will thrive.
266
967887
3682
već ćete izgraditi emocionalnu otpornost
i napredovat ćete.
i napredovat ćete.
16:24
A hundred years ago,
people began practicing personal hygiene,
people began practicing personal hygiene,
267
972871
3923
Prije sto godina ljudi su
počeli paziti na osobnu higijenu
počeli paziti na osobnu higijenu
16:28
and life expectancy rates rose
by over 50 percent
by over 50 percent
268
976794
4325
i životni je vijek porastao za 50 posto
16:33
in just a matter of decades.
269
981119
2458
u tek nekoliko desetljeća.
16:35
I believe our quality of life
could rise just as dramatically
could rise just as dramatically
270
983577
4345
Vjerujem da bi kvaliteta naših života
mogla jednako drastično porasti
mogla jednako drastično porasti
16:39
if we all began practicing
emotional hygiene.
emotional hygiene.
271
987922
3647
kada bismo počeli prakticirati
emocionalnu higijenu.
emocionalnu higijenu.
16:43
Can you imagine what
the world would be like
the world would be like
272
991569
2193
Možete li zamisliti svijet
16:45
if everyone was psychologically healthier?
273
993762
3326
u kojemu bi svi bili psihički zdraviji?
16:49
If there were less loneliness
and less depression?
and less depression?
274
997088
3295
Svijet u kojemu bi bilo manje usamljenosti
i depresije?
i depresije?
16:52
If people knew how to overcome failure?
275
1000383
2841
Svijet u kojemu bi ljudi
znali prevladati neuspjeh?
znali prevladati neuspjeh?
16:55
If they felt better about themselves
and more empowered?
and more empowered?
276
1003224
3050
U kojemu bi bili zadovoljniji sobom
i osjećali se osnaženije?
i osjećali se osnaženije?
16:58
If they were happier and more fulfilled?
277
1006274
3246
U kojemu bi bili sretniji i ispunjeniji?
17:01
I can, because that's the world
I want to live in,
I want to live in,
278
1009520
4313
Ja mogu jer je to svijet
u kakvom želim živjeti
u kakvom želim živjeti
17:05
and that's the world my brother
wants to live in as well.
wants to live in as well.
279
1013833
4586
i svijet u kojem i moj brat želi živjeti.
17:10
And if you just become informed
and change a few simple habits,
and change a few simple habits,
280
1018419
4081
Ukoliko se samo informirate
i promijenite nekoliko navika,
i promijenite nekoliko navika,
17:14
well, that's the world we can all live in.
281
1022500
3882
to je svijet u kojemu svi možemo živjeti.
17:18
Thank you very much.
282
1026382
1912
Puno vam hvala.
17:20
(Applause)
283
1028294
2973
(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Guy Winch - Psychologist, authorGuy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches.
Why you should listen
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families. As an advocate for psychological health, he has spent the last two decades adapting the findings of scientific studies into tools his patients, readers and audience members can use to enhance and maintain their mental health. As an identical twin with a keen eye for any signs of favoritism, he believes we need to practice emotional hygiene with the same diligence with which we practice personal and dental hygiene.
His recent book, Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, has been translated in 24 languages. He writes the popular "Squeaky Wheel Blog" on PsychologyToday.com, and he is the author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem. His new book, How to Fix a Broken Heart, was published by TED Books/Simon & Schuster in 2017. He has also dabbled in stand-up comedy.
Guy Winch | Speaker | TED.com