TED Residency
Nikki Webber Allen: Don't suffer from your depression in silence
نیکي ویبر آلین: خپل ژوند خفګان څخه په خاموشۍ کې مه ځوریږئ
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احساسات لرل کومه کمزوري نده، مطلب يې دا چې مونږ انسانان یو
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producer
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What are you doing on this stage
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ددې سټیج مخې ته ددې ټولو خلکو مخې
00:17
in front of all these people?
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ته څه کوئ؟
00:20
(Laughter)
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(په خندا)
00:21
Run!
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منډه کړئ!
00:23
(Laughter)
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(په خندا)
00:24
Run now.
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اوس منډه کړئ.
00:26
That's the voice of my anxiety talking.
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دا زما د اندیښنو خبرې دي
00:30
Even when there's absolutely
nothing wrong,
nothing wrong,
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که څه هم هیڅ خبره نشته
00:33
I sometimes get
this overwhelming sense of doom,
this overwhelming sense of doom,
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زه کله کله دا فشاري حس د تاثیر
لاندې راځم
لاندې راځم
00:37
like danger is lurking
just around the corner.
just around the corner.
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لکه په دې کونج کې چې کوم خطر متوجه وي
00:41
You see, a few years ago,
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یو څو کاله وړاندې،
00:43
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety
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په ما کې اندیښنه او خفګان
00:45
and depression --
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تشخیص شوی وو
00:47
two conditions that often go hand in hand.
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چې دا داړه حالتونه خوا په خوا وي
00:50
Now, there was a time
I wouldn't have told anybody,
I wouldn't have told anybody,
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اوس، دا هغه وخت وو چې ما هیچا ته
نه ویلې
نه ویلې
00:54
especially not in front of a big audience.
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په ځانګړې توګه دومره خلکو مخکې
00:56
As a black woman,
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د یو تورپوستې به حیث
00:58
I've had to develop
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
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په دې برخه کې مې بریالیتوب تر لاسه کړی
01:02
And like most people in my community,
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لکه زما په ټولنه کې د نورو خلکو په څير
01:04
I had the misconception that depression
was a sign of weakness,
was a sign of weakness,
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ما سره داسې نا سمه مفکوره وه چې ژور خفګان
د کمزورۍ نښه ده
د کمزورۍ نښه ده
01:07
a character flaw.
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او د شخصیت یو منفي ټکی
01:09
But I wasn't weak;
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خو زه کمزوری نه وم،
01:11
I was a high achiever.
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زه یوه لوړ هدف ترلاسه کونکی وم
01:12
I'd earned a Master's degree
in Media Studies
in Media Studies
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ما په رسنیزو مطالعو کې ماستري اغستې
01:15
and had a string of high-profile jobs
in the film and television industries.
in the film and television industries.
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او فلمي او تلویزیوني صنعت کې مې په لوړو
دنددو کار کړی دی
دنددو کار کړی دی
01:19
I'd even won two Emmy Awards
for my hard work.
for my hard work.
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ما د ډير کار له امله د ایمي جایزې هم اغستي
01:23
Sure, I was totally spent,
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دقیقا، ما ډير وخت مصرف کړی وو
01:26
I lacked interest in things
I used to enjoy,
I used to enjoy,
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هغه څه څخه چې خوند مې ځيني اغسته، پکې
لیواله نه وم
لیواله نه وم
01:29
barely ate,
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لږ خوراک به مې کوه
01:30
struggled with insomnia
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بې خوبۍ به ځوریدم
01:32
and felt isolated and depleted.
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او یواځې او ګوښه احساس مې کاوه
01:35
But depressed?
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خو ژور خفګان؟
01:36
No, not me.
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نا، زه نه یم
01:39
It took weeks before I could admit it,
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څو اونیو کې په دې بریالۍ شوم چې دا ومنم
01:42
but the doctor was right:
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خو ډاکټرانو هم سم ویلې
01:43
I was depressed.
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زه په ژور خفګان اخته وم
01:45
Still, I didn't tell anybody
about my diagnosis.
about my diagnosis.
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تر اوسه، ما خپل تشخیص باره کې هیچا ته
نه دي ویلي
نه دي ویلي
01:49
I was too ashamed.
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زه ډيره شرمیدم
01:51
I didn't think I had the right
to be depressed.
to be depressed.
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ما فکر کاوه چې د خفګان حق نه لرم
01:54
I had a privileged life
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ما یوه مینه ناکې کورنۍ سره یوې
01:56
with a loving family
and a successful career.
and a successful career.
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ښې دندې څخه برخمنه وم
01:59
And when I thought about
the unspeakable horrors
the unspeakable horrors
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او لکه مې چې نا ویونکې ډار باره کې فکر
کاوه
کاوه
02:02
that my ancestors
had been through in this country
had been through in this country
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کوم چې زما نیکونو په دې هیواد کې تیر کړي
02:04
so that I could have it better,
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نو اوس زه خوشبخته یم
02:06
my shame grew even deeper.
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زما شرمیدل نور هم پسې ژور لاړل
02:08
I was standing on their shoulders.
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زه د هغوی په اوږو بار وم
02:11
How could I let them down?
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زه څنګه هغوی پاتې راولم؟
02:13
I would hold my head up,
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ما به خپل سر بره نیوه
02:15
put a smile on my face
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مسکا به مې کوله
02:17
and never tell a soul.
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او هیچا ته مې نه ویل
02:22
On July 4, 2013,
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د ۲۰۱۳ کال جولایي میاشت کې
02:26
my world came crashing in on me.
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زما ژوند کې بدلون راغی
02:29
That was the day I got
a phone call from my mom
a phone call from my mom
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هغه ورځ وه چې مور مې راته زنګ ووهه
02:32
telling me that my 22-year-old nephew,
Paul, had ended his life,
Paul, had ended his life,
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او راته یی وویل چې زما ۲۲ کلن وراره، پال،
خپل ژوند له لاسه ورکړ
خپل ژوند له لاسه ورکړ
02:36
after years of battling
depression and anxiety.
depression and anxiety.
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څو کلونو ژوند خفګان او اندیښنو
څخه له جګړې وروسته
څخه له جګړې وروسته
02:40
There are no words that can describe
the devastation I felt.
the devastation I felt.
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هاغسې حالاتو باره کې ویلو لپاره لغاتونه
نه لرم چې بیان يې کړم
نه لرم چې بیان يې کړم
02:44
Paul and I were very close,
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پال او زه ډير سره نزدې وو
02:45
but I had no idea he was in so much pain.
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خو ما هیڅ فکر نه کاوه چې هغه له څه ځوریږي
02:48
Neither one of us had ever talked
to the other about our struggles.
to the other about our struggles.
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او مونږ هم هیڅکله یو بل ته دې باره کې څه
ویلي ول
ویلي ول
02:52
The shame and stigma kept us both silent.
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شرم مونږ دواړه چپ کړي وو
02:56
Now, my way of dealing with adversity
is to face it head on,
is to face it head on,
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نو له هاغسې حالاتو سره مخ کیدو لپاره لارې
لرم
لرم
03:00
so I spent the next two years
researching depression and anxiety,
researching depression and anxiety,
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راتلونکي دوه کلونه مې د خفګان او اندیښنو
سره مبارزه کې څیړنې وکړې
سره مبارزه کې څیړنې وکړې
03:03
and what I found was mind-blowing.
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او هغه څه مې پیدا کړل چې حیرانونکي وي
03:06
The World Health Organization reports
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د روغتیا نړیوال سازمان یو راپور کې ویلي
03:08
that depression is the leading cause
of sickness and disability
of sickness and disability
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چې ژور خفګان د ناروغۍ او معیوبیت سبب ګرځي
03:14
in the world.
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خو بیا د ژور خفګان
03:16
While the exact cause
of depression isn't clear,
of depression isn't clear,
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سبب روښانه نه دی
03:19
research suggests
that most mental disorders develop,
that most mental disorders develop,
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څیړنو ښودلې چې عصبي ګډوډي
03:22
at least in part,
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لږ تر لږه د مغزو په یوه
03:23
because of a chemical
imbalance in the brain,
imbalance in the brain,
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برخه کې د کمیاوي موادو ګډوډي وي
03:26
and/or an underlying
genetic predisposition.
genetic predisposition.
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او یا کوم ارثي دلیل ولري
03:31
So you can't just shake it off.
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نو ځان په اسانۍ ترې نه شئ خلاصولی
03:34
For black Americans,
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د تور پوستو امریکایانو لپاره
03:36
stressors like racism
and socioeconomic disparities
and socioeconomic disparities
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د نژاد پرستۍ او ټولنیز اقتصادي توپیرونه
د نورو په پرتله
د نورو په پرتله
03:40
put them at a 20 percent greater risk
of developing a mental disorder,
of developing a mental disorder,
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شل سلنه زیات تور پوستي په عصبي ګډوډۍ
اخته کیږي
اخته کیږي
03:45
yet they seek mental health services
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او بیا د سپین پوستو په پرتله ۵۰ سلنه يې
03:48
at about half the rate of white Americans.
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د درملنې څخه ګټه اخلي.
03:51
One reason is the stigma,
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ددې یو دلیل شرم دی
03:54
with 63 percent of black Americans
mistaking depression for a weakness.
mistaking depression for a weakness.
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دری شپیته سلنه تور پوستي امریکایان
په غلطۍ ژور خفګان کمزوري ګڼي
په غلطۍ ژور خفګان کمزوري ګڼي
04:01
Sadly, the suicide rate
among black children
among black children
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بدبختانه، په تیرو ۲۰ کلونو کې د ماشومانو
04:05
has doubled in the past 20 years.
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ځان وژنه دوه چنده شوې ده
04:09
Now, here's the good news:
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نو اوس ښه خبره دلته دا ده
04:12
seventy percent of people
struggling with depression will improve
struggling with depression will improve
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اویا سلنه خلک د ژور خفګان سره مبارزې لپاره
04:16
with therapy, treatment and medication.
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له تراپي، درملنې او درملو څخه ګټه اخلي
04:21
Armed with this information,
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له دې مالوماتو خبریدو وروسته
04:23
I made a decision:
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ما یوه پریکړه وکړه
04:24
I wasn't going to be silent anymore.
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زه به نوره چپ نه شم
04:28
With my family's blessing,
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زما د کورنۍ په برکت
04:30
I would share our story
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زه به خپله کیسه شریکوم
04:32
in hopes of sparking
a national conversation.
a national conversation.
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تر څو ملي بحث برخه وګرځي
04:36
A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,
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یو ملګری کیلی پيير لیوس ویلي
04:38
"Being strong is killing us."
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قوي اوسیدل مونږ وژني
04:42
She's right.
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هغې سم ویلي
04:44
We have got to retire
those tired, old narratives
those tired, old narratives
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مونږ باید هغه زاړه روایتونه پریږدو
04:48
of the strong black woman
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چې تورې پوستې قوي ښځې
04:49
and the super-masculine black man,
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او تکړه تور پوستي ځلمیان
04:52
who, no matter how many times
they get knocked down,
they get knocked down,
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څوک، که هر څو ځله هغوی وغورځول شي
04:54
just shake it off and soldier on.
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نو ایسته يې لرې کړئ
04:57
Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.
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احساس درلودل د کمزورۍ نښه نه ده
05:02
Feelings mean we're human.
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احساس درلودل د انسانیت نښه ده
05:04
And when we deny our humanity,
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او کله چې له انسانیته منکریږو
05:06
it leaves us feeling empty inside,
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نو له دننه څخه خالي کیږو
05:09
searching for ways to self-medicate
in order to fill the void.
in order to fill the void.
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ځان لپاره تداوي کوو تر څو دا خالي ګاه
ډکه کړو
ډکه کړو
05:12
My drug was high achievement.
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زما درملنه یوه غټه لاسته راوړنه وه
05:16
These days, I share my story openly,
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په دې ورځو کې زه خپله کیسه په ازادانه
ډوله نورو سره شریکوم
ډوله نورو سره شریکوم
05:19
and I ask others to share theirs, too.
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او له هغوی غواړم خپلې راسره شریکې کړي
05:22
I believe that's what it takes
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زما په فکر همدا يې لاره ده
05:23
to help people who may
be suffering in silence
be suffering in silence
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چې هغه خلکوسره چې چپتیا کې ځوریږي
05:26
to know that they are not alone
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او هغوی ته احساس ورکړو چې یواځې نه دي
05:28
and to know that with help,
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او چې پوه شي مرسته کولی شي
05:30
they can heal.
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دا مرض دوا کړي
05:31
Now, I still have my struggles,
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زه اوس هم خپلې هڅې جاري ساتم
05:33
particularly with the anxiety,
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په ځانګړې توګه خپلو اندیښو سره.
05:36
but I'm able to manage it
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خو زه کولای شم اداره يې کړم
05:37
through daily mediation,
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
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د هره ورځ درملو، یوګا او روغتیایي پرهیز
په مرسته
په مرسته
05:42
(Laughter)
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(په خندا)
05:43
If I feel like things
are starting to spiral,
are starting to spiral,
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که فکر وکړم چې شیان مارپیچې کیږي
05:46
I make an appointment to see my therapist,
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نو خپل تیراپست سره ګورم
05:48
a dynamic black woman
named Dawn Armstrong,
named Dawn Armstrong,
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یوه تکړه تورپوستې ښځه ډاکټره چې
ډام ارمسټرانګ نومیږي
ډام ارمسټرانګ نومیږي
05:51
who has a great sense of humor
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چې یو طبیعي حس او اشنایي لري
05:53
and a familiarity that I find comforting.
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چې دا زما لپاره ارامونکې ده
05:57
I will always regret
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زه تل پښیماني څرګندوم
05:59
that I couldn't be there for my nephew.
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چې زه ولې خپل وراره سره هلته نه وم
06:02
But my sincerest hope
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خو زه د زړه دا هیله لرم
06:04
is that I can inspire others
with the lesson that I've learned.
with the lesson that I've learned.
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چې زه خپلو زده کړو نه نورو ته څه ورزده کړم
06:11
Life is beautiful.
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ژوند ډير ښایسته دی
06:14
Sometimes it's messy,
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کله کله ګډوډیږي
06:16
and it's always unpredictable.
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خو تل ناڅاپي وي
06:19
But it will all be OK
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خو هر څه به سم شي
06:20
when you have your support system
to help you through it.
to help you through it.
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کله چې خپل سیستم له لارې
مرسته وکړې
مرسته وکړې
06:23
I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,
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زه هیله لرم که بار مو ډیر دروند شو
06:25
you'll ask for a hand, too.
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نو له یو چا به مرسته وغواړې.
06:27
Thank you.
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مننه
06:28
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producerNikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color.
Why you should listen
Nikki Webber Allen is a two-time Emmy winner with 20 years of experience producing content for media outlets including Warner Bros., HBO, ABC, 20th Century Fox and BET.
In 2013, while working as the vice president of casting and talent relations for the cable network TV One, Webber Allen lost her 22-year old nephew, Paul, to suicide after his years of struggle with depression and anxiety. Since then, she's become a passionate mental health advocate.
In Paul's honor, she launched the nonprofit I LIVE FOR... FOUNDATION, INC. to create a safe space for honest, unapologetic conversations about mental health in communities of color, where the cultural stigma of mental illness discourages far too many people from seeking help. Michael Eric Dyson, advisor to the foundation, has called I LIVE FOR… "an incredibly important organization that offers much-needed support to those who too often suffer in silence."
Webber Allen is currently producing and directing a documentary film featuring a diverse group of compelling young men and women who reject the stigma of mental illness and share candid stories about their experiences living with depression and anxiety. The film is being scored by her husband, musician Jeffrey Allen of the Grammy-nominated R&B band Mint Condition.
In 2016, Webber Allen was one of only 47 people chosen out of more than 1,000 applicants worldwide to receive a coveted scholarship to Marie Forleo's B-School for social entrepreneurs. She has an M.A. in media studies from The New School University in New York, NY and a B.A. in communications from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ.
Nikki Webber Allen | Speaker | TED.com