TEDMED 2013
Andrew Solomon: Love, no matter what
Andrew Solomon: Miluj, je jedno čo
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Aké to je vychovávať dieťa, ktoré je od teba odlišné v nejakej zásadnej oblasti (ako zázračné, postihnuté, či kriminálnika)? V tomto dychberúcom prejave, spisovateľ Andrew Solomon zdieľa to, čo sa naučil pri rozhovoroch s množstvom rodičov -- pýtajúc sa ich: Čo je deliaca čiara medzi bezpodmienečnou láskou a bezpodmienečnou akceptáciou?
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
"Even in purely non-religious terms,
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"Aj v čisto nenáboženských termínoch,
00:16
homosexuality represents a misuse of the sexual faculty.
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homosexualita predstavuje zneužitie sexuálnej schopnosti.
00:22
It is a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality --
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Je to patetická, malá a druhoradá náhrada pre realitu --
00:27
a pitiable flight from life.
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poľutovaniahodný úlet zo života.
00:29
As such, it deserves no compassion,
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A ako taká si nezasluhuje súcit,
00:33
it deserves no treatment
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nezasluhuje si liečbu
00:36
as minority martyrdom,
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ako menšinové mučeníctvo,
00:38
and it deserves not to be deemed anything but a pernicious sickness."
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a nezasluhuje si byť považovaná za nič iné ako zhubnú chorobu."
00:45
That's from Time magazine in 1966, when I was three years old.
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To je z časopisu Time z roku 1966, keď som mal tri roky.
00:50
And last year, the president of the United States
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A v predchádzajúcom roku, prezident USA
00:54
came out in favor of gay marriage.
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vystúpil na podporu manželstiev gejov.
00:57
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
01:04
And my question is, how did we get from there to here?
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A moja otázka teda znie, ako sme sa dostali od tadiaľ sem.
01:10
How did an illness become an identity?
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Ako sa choroba stala identitou?
01:15
When I was perhaps six years old,
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Napríklad, keď som mal 6 rokov,
01:18
I went to a shoe store with my mother and my brother.
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šiel som do obuvy s mojou mamou a bratom.
01:21
And at the end of buying our shoes,
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Na konci nákupu topánok,
01:23
the salesman said to us that we could each have a balloon to take home.
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obchodník povedal, že každý z nás si môže domov zobrať balón.
01:27
My brother wanted a red balloon, and I wanted a pink balloon.
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Môj brat chcel červený balón a ja som chcel ružový.
01:32
My mother said that she thought I'd really rather have a blue balloon.
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Moja mama povedala, že si myslela, že si vyberiem modrý.
01:37
But I said that I definitely wanted the pink one.
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Ja som však povedal, že chcem určite ružový.
01:40
And she reminded me that my favorite color was blue.
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A ona mi pripomenula, že moja obľúbená farba je modrá.
01:46
The fact that my favorite color now is blue, but I'm still gay --
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Fakt, že moja obľúbená farba je teraz modrá, ale som stále gej --
01:51
(Laughter) --
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(Smiech) --
01:54
is evidence of both my mother's influence and its limits.
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je dôkazom oboch, vplyvu mojej mamy a jeho limitov.
01:58
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
02:00
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
02:07
When I was little, my mother used to say,
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Keď som bol malý, moja mama hovorievala:
02:10
"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling in the world.
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"Láska k vlastným deťom nie je ako žiaden iný cit na svete.
02:14
And until you have children, you don't know what it's like."
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A dokým nemáš deti, nevieš aké to je."
02:17
And when I was little, I took it as the greatest compliment in the world
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V tom veku som to bral ako najväčší kompliment na svete,
02:21
that she would say that about parenting my brother and me.
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že toto hovorí o výchove môjho brata a mňa.
02:24
And when I was an adolescent, I thought
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Keď som bol v puberte, myslel som,
02:26
that I'm gay, and so I probably can't have a family.
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že keď som gej, pravdepodobne nebudem môcť mať rodinu.
02:30
And when she said it, it made me anxious.
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Keď to povedala, zmocnila sa ma úzkosť.
02:32
And after I came out of the closet,
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Potom, čo som sa priznal k svojej orientácii
02:33
when she continued to say it, it made me furious.
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a ona to hovorila ďalej, bol som zúrivý.
02:37
I said, "I'm gay. That's not the direction that I'm headed in.
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Povedal som: "Som gej a to nie je cesta, ktorou sa budem uberať
02:41
And I want you to stop saying that."
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a chem, aby si to prestala hovoriť."
02:47
About 20 years ago, I was asked by my editors at The New York Times Magazine
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Pred asi 20 rokmi, ma editori NY Times časopisu požiadali
02:52
to write a piece about deaf culture.
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napísať článok o kultúre hluchých.
02:54
And I was rather taken aback.
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Bol som zaskočený.
02:56
I had thought of deafness entirely as an illness.
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Myslel som o hluchote celkom ako o chorobe.
02:58
Those poor people, they couldn't hear.
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Tí úbohí ľudia, ktorí nepočujú.
03:00
They lacked hearing, and what could we do for them?
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Nemohli počuť, čo sme mohli pre nich urobiť?
03:03
And then I went out into the deaf world.
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A potom som šiel do sveta hluchých.
03:05
I went to deaf clubs.
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Šiel som do klubov pre hluchých.
03:07
I saw performances of deaf theater and of deaf poetry.
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Videl som vystúpenia divadiel pre hluchých a poézie pre hluchých.
03:11
I even went to the Miss Deaf America contest in Nashville, Tennessee
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Dokonca som šiel na súťaž Miss Hluchá Amerika v Nashville v Tennessee,
03:17
where people complained about that slurry Southern signing.
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kde sa ľudia hádali o hroznom južanskom škrabopise.
03:21
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
03:25
And as I plunged deeper and deeper into the deaf world,
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A ako som sa ponáral stále hlbšie do sveta hluchých,
03:29
I become convinced that deafness was a culture
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presvedčil som sa, že hluchota je kultúra
03:32
and that the people in the deaf world who said,
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a ľudia vo svete hluchých, ktorí povedali:
03:35
"We don't lack hearing, we have membership in a culture,"
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"Nechýba nám schopnosť počuť, patríme do kúltúry",
03:38
were saying something that was viable.
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hovorili niečo naozaj pravdivé.
03:41
It wasn't my culture,
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Nebola to moja kultúra,
03:42
and I didn't particularly want to rush off and join it,
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a nechcel som sa k nej hneď pripojiť,
03:45
but I appreciated that it was a culture
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ale ocenil som, že to kultúra bola
03:48
and that for the people who were members of it,
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a pre ľudí, ktorí sú jej členmi,
03:50
it felt as valuable as Latino culture or gay culture or Jewish culture.
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mala rovnakú hodnotu ako Latino kultúra alebo gej kultúra alebo židovská kultúra.
03:56
It felt as valid perhaps even as American culture.
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Bola presvedčivá dokonca rovnako ako americká kultúra.
04:01
Then a friend of a friend of mine had a daughter who was a dwarf.
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Následne mala kamoška kamoša dcéru, ktorá bola trpaslík.
04:04
And when her daughter was born,
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Keď sa jej dcéra narodila,
04:06
she suddenly found herself confronting questions
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náhle sa ocitla pri riešení otázky,
04:08
that now began to seem quite resonant to me.
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ktorá mi teraz pripadá veľmi dôležitá.
04:11
She was facing the question of what to do with this child.
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Riešila otázku, čo robiť s týmto dieťaťom.
04:15
Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?"
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Mala povedať: "Si ako ostatní, len o málo nižšia?"
04:18
Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity,
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Alebo sa mala pokúsiť vytvoriť nejaký druh trpasličej identity,
04:22
get involved in the Little People of America,
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spojiť sa s Malými ľuďmi Ameriky,
04:24
become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?
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začať sledovať čo sa pre trpaslíkov robí?
04:27
And I suddenly thought,
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Naraz som si pomyslel,
04:28
most deaf children are born to hearing parents.
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väčšina hluchých detí sa rodí počujúcim rodičom.
04:31
Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them.
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Títo počujúci rodičia sa snažia ich vyliečiť.
04:34
Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence.
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Títo hluchí ľudia počas dospievania objavia komunitu.
04:38
Most gay people are born to straight parents.
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Väčšina gejov sa rodí heterosexuálnym rodičom.
04:40
Those straight parents often want them to function
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Títo rodičia chcú, aby fungovali v tom,
04:42
in what they think of as the mainstream world,
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čo vnímajú ako mainstreamový svet,
04:45
and those gay people have to discover identity later on.
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títo gejovia musia potom objaviť svoju identitu neskôr.
04:48
And here was this friend of mine
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A tu bola moja kamarátka
04:50
looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter.
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pozerajúc sa na tieto otázky identity jej trpaslíčej dcéry.
04:53
And I thought, there it is again:
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Pomyslel som si, je to tu zas:
04:55
A family that perceives itself to be normal
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Rodina, ktorá sa považuje za normálnu
04:58
with a child who seems to be extraordinary.
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s dieťaťom, ktoré je nezvyčajné.
05:00
And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.
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A prišiel som na myšlienku, že existujú dva druhy identít.
05:05
There are vertical identities,
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Identity, ktoré sú vertikálne,
05:06
which are passed down generationally from parent to child.
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ktoré sú predávané z generácie na generáciu.
05:09
Those are things like ethnicity, frequently nationality, language, often religion.
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Tieto sú ako etnicita, národnosť, jazyk, často náboženstvo.
05:15
Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children.
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To sú veci, ktoré máte spoločné s rodičmi a vašimi deťmi.
05:20
And while some of them can be difficult,
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A zatiaľ čo niektoré môžu byť obtiažne,
05:22
there's no attempt to cure them.
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nepokúšame sa ich liečiť.
05:24
You can argue that it's harder in the United States --
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Môžeš sa prieť, či je v USA ťažšie byť --
05:27
our current presidency notwithstanding --
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bez ohľadu na nášho prezidenta --
05:29
to be a person of color.
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byť farebným.
05:31
And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure
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A nemáme nikoho, kto by sa snažil uistiť,
05:34
that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians
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že ďalšia generácia detí afro-američanov a aziatov
05:38
come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
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sa narodí so smotanovou kožou a blond vlasmi.
05:41
There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group.
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Nachádzajú sa tu iné identity, ktoré sa učíš od svojich rovestníkov.
05:45
And I call them horizontal identities,
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Nazval som ich horizontálne identity,
05:48
because the peer group is the horizontal experience.
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pretože rovestníci sú horizontálnou skúsenosťou.
05:51
These are identities that are alien to your parents
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Sú to identity nepriateľské voči tvojim rodičom
05:53
and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers.
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a ktoré objavíš, keď ich uvidíš u rovestníkov.
05:57
And those identities, those horizontal identities,
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A tieto identity, tieto horizontálne identity,
06:00
people have almost always tried to cure.
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sa ľudia takmer vždy pokúšajú vyliečiť.
06:04
And I wanted to look at what the process is
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Chcel som sa pozrieť na to, aký je to proces,
06:07
through which people who have those identities
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cez ktorý ľudia majúci tieto identity,
06:09
come to a good relationship with them.
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získajú k nim dobrý vzťah.
06:12
And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance
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Pre mňa to vyzerá tak, že existujú 3 úrovne akceptácie,
06:16
that needed to take place.
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ktoré musia nastať.
06:17
There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance.
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Je to seba-akceptácia, akceptácia v rodine a sociálna akceptácia.
06:23
And they don't always coincide.
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Nie vždy sa však zhodujú.
06:25
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry
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Často krát sú ľudia majúci tieto potreby veľmi nahnevaní,
06:29
because they feel as though their parents don't love them,
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lebo sa cítia, akoby ich rodičia nemilovali,
06:32
when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them.
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pričom čo sa stalo je, že ich ich rodičia neakceptujú.
06:36
Love is something that ideally is there unconditionally
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Láska je niečo, čo je ideálne bezpodmienečné
06:40
throughout the relationship between a parent and a child.
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vo vzťahu medzi rodičom a dieťaťom.
06:43
But acceptance is something that takes time.
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No akceptácia je niečo, čo si vyžaduje čas.
06:46
It always takes time.
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Vždy si to vyžaduje čas.
06:48
One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown.
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Jeden z trpaslíkov, ktorého som spoznal sa volal Clinton Brown.
06:53
When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,
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Keď sa narodil, diagnostikovali mu diastrofický dwarfismus,
06:56
a very disabling condition,
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veľmi vážne postihnutie,
06:58
and his parents were told that he would never walk, he would never talk,
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jeho rodičom oznámili, že nebude nikdy chodiť, hovoriť,
07:02
he would have no intellectual capacity,
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nebude mať intelektuálnu kapacitu
07:04
and he would probably not even recognize them.
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a zrejme ich dokonca ani nerozpozná.
07:06
And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital
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Bolo im naznačené, aby ho nechali v nemocnici,
07:10
so that he could die there quietly.
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kde v tichosti zomrie.
07:12
And his mother said she wasn't going to do it.
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A jeho mama povedal, že to neurobí.
07:14
And she took her son home.
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Zobrala ho domov.
07:16
And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,
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Napriek tomu, že nemala veľa vzdelania a financií,
07:19
she found the best doctor in the country
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našla najlepšieho doktora v krajine,
07:21
for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,
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zaoberajúceho sa týmto ochorením,
07:24
and she got Clinton enrolled with him.
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a zariadila Clintnovi stretnutie.
07:26
And in the course of his childhood,
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V piebehu detsva,
07:28
he had 30 major surgical procedures.
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mal 30 vážnych operačných procedúr.
07:31
And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital
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V nemocnici strávil všetok tento čas,
07:33
while he was having those procedures,
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počas ktorého prebiehali tieto procedúri,
07:35
as a result of which he now can walk.
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a ako výsledok môže dnes chodiť.
07:37
And while he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his school work.
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Počas toho, ako tam bol, posielali mu tam školiteľov, aby mu pomohli s jeho školskou prípravou.
07:41
And he worked very hard because there was nothing else to do.
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Pripravoval sa tvrdo, lebo tam nebolo nič iného na práci.
07:44
And he ended up achieving at a level
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Dosiahol úroveň vzdelania,
07:46
that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family.
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ktorú predtým nedosiahol žiaden iný člen jeho rodiny.
07:50
He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college,
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Bol prvým z rodiny, kto išiel na vysokú školu,
07:53
where he lived on campus and drove a specially-fitted car
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kde žil na internáte a jazdil na špeciálne upravenom aute,
07:56
that accommodated his unusual body.
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ktoré vyhovovalo jeho netypickému telu.
07:59
And his mother told me this story of coming home one day --
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A jeho mama povedala tento príbeh príchodu domov v jeden deň --
08:02
and he went to college nearby --
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navštevoval vysokú školu neďaleko --
08:04
and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize,
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povedala: "Videla som auto, ktoré môžeš vždy rozpoznať,
08:07
in the parking lot of a bar," she said. (Laughter)
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na parkovisku pred barom," (Smiech).
08:11
"And I thought to myself, they're six feet tall, he's three feet tall.
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"Pomyslela som si, oni majú 180 cm, on má 90 cm.
08:16
Two beers for them is four beers for him."
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Dve pivá su pre neho ako štyri pre nich."
08:18
She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him,
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Pokračovala: "Vedela som, že tam nemôžem ísť a rušiť ho,
08:21
but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone."
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ale šla som domov, a poslala som mu osem správ na mobil."
08:25
She said, "And then I thought,
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"Potom som si pomyslela,
08:27
if someone had said to me when he was born
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keby niekto povedal, keď sa narodil,
08:29
that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving with his college buddies -- "
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že moje budúce starosti budú, že šiel piť a jazdiť so spolužiakmi -- "
08:34
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
08:43
And I said to her, "What do you think you did
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Povedal som jej, "Čo myslíš, že si urobila,
08:45
that helped him to emerge as this charming, accomplished, wonderful person?"
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aby si mu pomohla stať sa touto charizmatickou, dokonalou a úžasnou osobou?"
08:50
And she said, "What did I do? I loved him, that's all.
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Odpovedala: "Čo som spravila? Milovala som ho, to je všetko.
08:54
Clinton just always had that light in him.
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Clinton mal v sebe vždy toto svetlo.
08:57
And his father and I were lucky enough to be the first to see it there."
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A jeho otec a ja sme boli dostatočne šťastní byť prvými, ktorí to v ňom videli."
09:04
I'm going to quote from another magazine of the '60s.
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Budem citovať z iného časopisu zo 60-tych rokov.
09:07
This one is from 1968 -- The Atlantic Monthly, voice of liberal America --
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Tento je z roku 1968 -- Atlantský mesačník, hlas liberálnej Ameriky --
09:13
written by an important bioethicist.
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napísaný dôležitým bio-etikom.
09:15
He said, "There is no reason to feel guilty
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Hovorí: "Nie je dôvod cítiť vinu za
09:19
about putting a Down syndrome child away,
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odvrhnutie detí s downovým syndrómom,
09:22
whether it is put away in the sense of hidden in a sanitarium
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či už v zmysle schovania v sanatóriu,
09:27
or in a more responsible, lethal sense.
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alebo vo viac zodpovednom, smrteľnom zmysle.
09:31
It is sad, yes -- dreadful. But it carries no guilt.
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Je to smutné, áno -- hrozné. Ale nie je v tom žiadna vina.
09:36
True guilt arises only from an offense against a person,
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Skutočná vina vzniká len z priestupku proti osobe,
09:40
and a Down's is not a person."
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a človek s downovým syndrómom nie je osoba."
09:45
There's been a lot of ink given to the enormous progress that we've made
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Veľa atramentu bolo minutého pre enormný pokrok, ktorý sme urobili
09:49
in the treatment of gay people.
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pri zaobchádzaní s homosexualitou.
09:51
The fact that our attitude has changed is in the headlines every day.
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Skutočnosť, že náš postoj sa zmenil je v titulkách každý deň.
09:55
But we forget how we used to see people who had other differences,
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No zabudli sme ako sme sa zvykli pozerať na ľudí s inými odlišnosťami,
10:00
how we used to see people who were disabled,
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ako sme sa pozerali na ľudí so zdravotným postihnutím,
10:02
how inhuman we held people to be.
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ako sme viedli ľudí k tomu byť neľudský.
10:05
And the change that's been accomplished there,
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A zmena, ktorá sa tu dosiahla,
10:07
which is almost equally radical,
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ktorá je takmer rovnako radikálna,
10:09
is one that we pay not very much attention to.
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je tá, ktorej nedávame veľa pozornosti.
10:11
One of the families I interviewed, Tom and Karen Robards,
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Jedna z rodín, ktoré som navštívil, Tom a Karen Robard-ovci,
10:15
were taken aback when, as young and successful New Yorkers,
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boli zaskočení, keď im ako mladému a úspešnému new-yourskému páru,
10:19
their first child was diagnosed with Down syndrome.
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oznámili, že ich dieťa má downov sydróm.
10:23
They thought the educational opportunities for him were not what they should be,
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Mysleli, že vzdelávacie možnosti pre ňho neboli také, aké by mali byť,
10:27
and so they decided they would build a little center --
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a tak sa rozhodli vybudovať malé centrum --
10:31
two classrooms that they started with a few other parents --
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dve triedy, ktoré otvorili so zopár inými rodičmi --
10:34
to educate kids with D.S.
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pre vzdelávanie detí s D.S.
10:37
And over the years, that center grew into something called the Cooke Center,
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Po rokoch, centrum vyráslo v niečo zvané Cook-ovo centrum,
10:41
where there are now thousands upon thousands
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kde sú teraz tisícky a tisícky
10:43
of children with intellectual disabilities who are being taught.
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detí s intelektuálnými postihnutiami, ktoré sú vzdelávané.
10:47
In the time since that Atlantic Monthly story ran,
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Od času, keď bol vydaný Atlantický mesačník,
10:50
the life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has tripled.
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sa očakávaná dĺžka života ľudí s D.S. strojnásobila.
10:54
The experience of Down syndrome people includes those who are actors,
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Skúsenosti ľudí s D.S. zahŕňajú tých, ktorí sú hercami,
10:59
those who are writers, some who are able to live fully independently in adulthood.
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spisovateľmi, niektorí sú schopní žiť v dospelosti úplne nezávisle.
11:05
The Robards had a lot to do with that.
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Robard-ovci s tým majú veľa spoločného.
11:07
And I said, "Do you regret it?
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Spýtal som sa: "Ľutujete to?
11:08
Do you wish your child didn't have Down syndrome?
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Chceli by ste aby vaše dieťa nemalo D.S.?
11:11
Do you wish you'd never heard of it?"
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Želali by ste si o tom nikdy nepočuť?"
11:12
And interestingly his father said,
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Jeho otec prekvapivo odpovedal:
11:15
"Well, for David, our son, I regret it,
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"Teda, pre Dávida, nášho syna to ľutujem,
11:17
because for David, it's a difficult way to be in the world,
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pretože pre Dávida, je to ťažká cesta v tomto svete
11:21
and I'd like to give David an easier life.
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a rád by som mu dal ľahší život.
11:24
But I think if we lost everyone with Down syndrome, it would be a catastrophic loss."
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No myslím, že ak by sme stratili každého s D.S., bola by to katastrofická strata."
11:29
And Karen Robards said to me, "I'm with Tom.
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A Karen Robard-ová povedala: "Súhlasím s Tomom.
11:32
For David, I would cure it in an instant to give him an easier life.
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Pre Dávida by som to vyliečila hneď aby som mu dala ľahší život.
11:36
But speaking for myself -- well, I would never have believed 23 years ago when he was born
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Ak mám však hovoriť sama za seba -- dobre, pred 23 rokmi, keď sa narodil by som nikdy neverila
11:41
that I could come to such a point --
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že sa dostanem do bodu --
11:43
speaking for myself, it's made me so much better and so much kinder
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hovorím teraz za seba, spravilo ma to oveľa lepšou a milšou
11:48
and so much more purposeful in my whole life,
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a oveľa viac zmysluplnou v mojom živote,
11:51
that speaking for myself, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."
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že by som sa toho nevzdala nikdy v živote za nič na svete."
11:57
We live at a point when social acceptance for these and many other conditions
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Sme v bode, kedy sociálna akceptácia pre tieto a veľa iných
12:02
is on the up and up.
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je na vzostupe.
12:03
And yet we also live at the moment
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A zároveň žijeme v dobe,
12:05
when our ability to eliminate those conditions
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kedy naša schopnosť eliminovať tieto podmienky
12:08
has reached a height we never imagined before.
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dosiahla výšku, ktorú sme si predtým nemohli predstaviť.
12:11
Most deaf infants born in the United States now
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Väčšina hluchých novorodencov v USA
12:14
will receive Cochlear implants,
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dostane Cochlear-ove implantáty,
12:16
which are put into the brain and connected to a receiver,
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ktoré sa dávajú do mozgu a spoja sa s príjmačom,
12:21
and which allow them to acquire a facsimile of hearing and to use oral speech.
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a ktoré im umožňujú získať faksimile sluchu a používať ústny prejav.
12:26
A compound that has been tested in mice, BMN-111,
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Zlúčenina testovaná na myšiach, BMN-111,
12:30
is useful in preventing the action of the achondroplasia gene.
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je užitočná v prevencii pôsobenia achondroplasického génu.
12:35
Achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism,
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Achondroplázia je jedna z najrozšírenejších foriem liliputánstva,
12:38
and mice who have been given that substance and who have the achondroplasia gene,
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a myši, ktorým bol podaný tento liek a ktoré tento gén mali,
12:42
grow to full size.
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vyrástli do normálnej veľkosti.
12:44
Testing in humans is around the corner.
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Testovanie na ľuďoch je za rohom.
12:46
There are blood tests which are making progress
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Existujú krvné testy, ktoré robia pokrok,
12:48
that would pick up Down syndrome more clearly and earlier in pregnancies than ever before,
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ktorý umožný objaviť D.S. zreteľnejšie a skôr počas tehotenstva, ako kedykoľvek predtým,
12:54
making it easier and easier for people to eliminate those pregnancies,
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urobí pre ľudí ľahšie a ľahšie eliminovať také tehotenstvo,
12:59
or to terminate them.
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alebo ho ukončiť.
13:00
And so we have both social progress and medical progress.
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A tak máme oboje, sociálny pokrok a medicínsky pokrok.
13:05
And I believe in both of them.
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Verím v oba z nich.
13:07
I believe the social progress is fantastic and meaningful and wonderful,
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Verím, že sociálny pokrok je fantastický a zmysluplný a úžasný,
13:11
and I think the same thing about the medical progress.
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a myslím si to isté o medicínskom pokroku.
13:14
But I think it's a tragedy when one of them doesn't see the other.
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No myslím, že je tragédia, ak jeden z nich nevidí ten druhý.
13:18
And when I see the way they're intersecting
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Keď vidím, ako sa vzájomne pretínajú
13:20
in conditions like the three I've just described,
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v podmienkach ako tie tri, ktoré som práve popísal,
13:23
I sometimes think it's like those moments in grand opera
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niekedy myslím, že to je ako v týchto momentoch opery,
13:26
when the hero realizes he loves the heroine
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keď si hrdinka uvedomí, že miluje heroín
13:29
at the exact moment that she lies expiring on a divan.
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presne v tom momente, keď leží na konci na gauči.
13:33
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
13:36
We have to think about how we feel about cures altogether.
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Musíme myslieť na to, ako vnímame liečby súhrnne.
13:40
And a lot of the time the question of parenthood is,
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Často krát je otázka rodičovstva,
13:43
what do we validate in our children,
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čo na svojich deťoch oceňujeme
13:45
and what do we cure in them?
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a z čoho ich chceme liečiť?
13:47
Jim Sinclair, a prominent autism activist, said,
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Jim Sinclair, prominentný autistický aktivista, povedal:
13:51
"When parents say 'I wish my child did not have autism,'
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"Keď rodičia povedia, že by si želali aby ich dieťa nemalo autizmus,
13:55
what they're really saying is 'I wish the child I have did not exist
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hovoria v skutočnosti o želáni aby toto dieťa neexistovalo
14:00
and I had a different, non-autistic child instead.'
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a namiesto toho mali iné dieťa, neautistické.
14:04
Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence.
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Prečítaj si to znova. To je to, čo počujeme, keď sa sťažuješ na našu existenciu.
14:09
This is what we hear when you pray for a cure --
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To je, čo počujeme, keď sa modlíš za naše vyliečenie --
14:12
that your fondest wish for us
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tvoje najláskavejšie želanie pre nás --
14:14
is that someday we will cease to be
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je to, vďaka ktorému jedného dna prestaneme existovať
14:17
and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces."
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a staneme sa cudzincami, ktorých môžeš milovať."
14:22
It's a very extreme point of view,
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Je to veľmi extrémny pohľad na vec,
14:25
but it points to the reality that people engage with the life they have
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ale poukazuje na realitu, ktorej čelia ľudia so životom, ktorý majú
14:29
and they don't want to be cured or changed or eliminated.
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a nechcú byť liečení, zmenení alebo eliminovaní.
14:34
They want to be whoever it is that they've come to be.
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Chcú byť kýmkoľvek sú, kýmkoľvek sa stali.
14:37
One of the families I interviewed for this project
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Jenda z rodín, ktorú som navštívil kvôli tomuto projektu,
14:41
was the family of Dylan Klebold who was one of the perpetrators of the Columbine massacre.
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bola rodina Dylana Klebolda, páchateľa Kolumbijského masakru.
14:46
It took a long time to persuade them to talk to me,
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Trvalo dlho presvedčiť ich, aby so mnou hovorili,
14:49
and once they agreed, they were so full of their story
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a akonáhle súhlasili, boli tak plný svojim príbehom,
14:52
that they couldn't stop telling it.
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že o tom nemohli prestať rozprávať.
14:53
And the first weekend I spent with them -- the first of many --
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Prvý víkend, ktorý som s nimi strávil -- prvý z množstva --
14:56
I recorded more than 20 hours of conversation.
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nahral som viac ako 20 hodín rozhovoru.
14:59
And on Sunday night, we were all exhausted.
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A v Nedeľu večer sme boli všetci vyšťavení.
15:01
We were sitting in the kitchen. Sue Klebold was fixing dinner.
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Sedeli sme v kuchyni. Sue Kleboldová upratovala večeru.
15:04
And I said, "If Dylan were here now,
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Spýtal som sa: "Keby tu bol teraz Dylan,
15:07
do you have a sense of what you'd want to ask him?"
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viete, čo by ste sa ho chceli spýtať?"
15:10
And his father said, "I sure do.
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Jeho otec odpovedal: "S istotou viem.
15:12
I'd want to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing."
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Chcel by som sa ho spýtať, čo si do čerta myslel, že robí."
15:16
And Sue looked at the floor, and she thought for a minute.
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Sue sa pozrela na zem, a na chvíľu sa zamyslela.
15:19
And then she looked back up and said,
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Potom sa pozrela späť a povedala:
15:21
"I would ask him to forgive me for being his mother
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"Spýtala by som sa ho, aby mi odpustil za to, že som ako matka
15:25
and never knowing what was going on inside his head."
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nikdy nevedela, čo sa deje v jeho hlave."
15:30
When I had dinner with her a couple of years later --
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Keď som s ňou večeral o pár rokov neskôr --
15:33
one of many dinners that we had together --
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pri jednej z množstva večier, ktoré sme spolu mali --
15:35
she said, "You know, when it first happened,
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povedala: "Vieš, keď sa to stalo,
15:38
I used to wish that I had never married, that I had never had children.
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želala som si aby som nikdy nebola vydatá, nikdy nemala deti.
15:42
If I hadn't gone to Ohio State and crossed paths with Tom,
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Keby som sa neodsťahovala do Ohia a nestretla Toma,
15:45
this child wouldn't have existed and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened.
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toto dieťa by nikdy neexistovalo a táto hrozná vec by sa nestala.
15:49
But I've come to feel that I love the children I had so much
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No uvedomila som si, že milujem svoje deti tak veľmi,
15:54
that I don't want to imagine a life without them.
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že si nechcem ani predstaviť život bez nich.
15:57
I recognize the pain they caused to others, for which there can be no forgiveness,
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Rozpoznávam bolesť, ktorú spôsobili iným, pre ktorú neexistuje ospravedlnenie,
16:02
but the pain they caused to me, there is," she said.
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ale bolesť, ktorú spôsobili mne, je tam." Pokračovala:
16:05
"So while I recognize that it would have been better for the world
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"Zatiaľ čo som rozpoznala, že by bole pre svet lepšie,
16:09
if Dylan had never been born,
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keby sa Dylan nenarodil,
16:12
I've decided that it would not have been better for me."
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rozhodla som sa, že by to nebolo lepšie pre mňa."
16:17
I thought it was surprising how all of these families had all of these children with all of these problems,
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Pomyslel som si, že je prekvapivé ako všetky tieto rodiny majúce tieto deti so všetkými týmito problémami,
16:24
problems that they mostly would have done anything to avoid,
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problémami, pre vyriešenie ktorých urobili všetko,
16:27
and that they had all found so much meaning in that experience of parenting.
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všetky našli veľký zmysel v tejto skúsenosti rodičovstva.
16:30
And then I thought, all of us who have children
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A potom som si pomyslel, všetci, kto máme deti,
16:34
love the children we have, with their flaws.
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ľúbime deti, ktoré máme, aj s ich chybami.
16:36
If some glorious angel suddenly descended through my living room ceiling
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Keby nejaký slávny anjel náhle zostúpil cez strop mojej obývačky
16:41
and offered to take away the children I have
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a ponúkol sa, že moje deti zoberie preč
16:43
and give me other, better children -- more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --
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a dá mi iné, lepšie -- slušnejšie, zábavnejšie, milšie, múdejšie --
16:49
I would cling to the children I have and pray away that atrocious spectacle.
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Schytil by som deti, ktoré mám a modlil sa aby toto strašidlo odišlo.
16:54
And ultimately I feel
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Bezpodmienečne cítim,
16:56
that in the same way that we test flame-retardant pajamas in an inferno
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že tým istým spôsobom ako testujeme ohňovzdorné pyžamo v plameni,
17:00
to ensure they won't catch fire when our child reaches across the stove,
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aby sme sa uistili, že nezačne horieť, keď sa naše dieťa načiahne cez kachle,
17:05
so these stories of families negotiating these extreme differences
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tak isto tieto príbehy rodín riešiacich tieto extrémne odlišnosti,
17:09
reflect on the universal experience of parenting,
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reflektujú univerzálnu skúsenosť rodičovstva,
17:11
which is always that sometimes you look at your child and you think,
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keď sa niekedy zapozeráš na svoje dieťa a pomyslíš si,
17:15
where did you come from?
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odkiaľ si prišiel?
17:18
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
17:20
It turns out that while each of these individual differences is siloed --
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Ukazuje sa, že aj keď každý z týchto individuálnych rozdielov je obmedzený --
17:25
there are only so many families dealing with schizophrenia,
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existuje len určité množstvo rodín riešiacih schizofréniu,
17:28
there are only so many families of children who are transgender,
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určité množstvo rodín, ktorých deti sú transrodové,
17:30
there are only so many families of prodigies --
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určité množstvo rodín so zázračnými deťmi --
17:32
who also face similar challenges in many ways --
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ktoré čelia podobným problémom rôznymi cestami --
17:35
there are only so many families in each of those categories --
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existuje určité množstvo rodín pre každú z týchto kategórií --
17:37
but if you start to think
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že ak začneš myslieť,
17:39
that the experience of negotiating difference within your family
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že skúsenosti z vyjasňovania rozdielov v rámci tvojej rodiny
17:42
is what people are addressing,
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je čo ľudia adresujú,
17:44
then you discover that it's a nearly universal phenomenon.
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objavíš, že je to takmer univerzálny fenomén.
17:48
Ironically, it turns out, that it's our differences, and our negotiation of difference,
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Ironicky sa ukazuje, že sú to naše odlišnosti, a vyjasňovanie odlišností,
17:53
that unite us.
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čo nás spája.
17:55
I decided to have children while I was working on this project.
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Rozhodol som sa mať deti počas práce na tomto projekte.
18:01
And many people were astonished and said,
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A veľa ľudí sa divilo a hovorilo:
18:04
"But how can you decide to have children
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"Ale ako môžeš chcieť mať deti
18:05
in the midst of studying everything that can go wrong?"
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počas štúdia všetkého zlého, čo sa pri tom môže stať?"
18:10
And I said, "I'm not studying everything that can go wrong.
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Odpovedal som: "Neštudujem čo všetko zlé sa môže stať.
18:13
What I'm studying is how much love there can be,
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Čo študujem je to, ako veľa lásky môže existovať,
18:16
even when everything appears to be going wrong."
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dokonca aj vtedy, ak to vyzerá, že sa všeko uberá zlým smerom."
18:21
I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,
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Veľa som premýšlal o matke jedného postihnutého dieťaťa, ktoré som videl,
18:26
a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.
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ťažko postinuté dieťa, ktoré zomrelo z nedbanlivosti opatrovníka.
18:30
And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,
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Keď ho pochovali, jeho mama povedala:
18:33
"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed,
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"Modlím sa za odpustenie toho, že som bola dva krát okradnutá,
18:41
once of the child I wanted and once of the son I loved."
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raz o dieťa, ktoré som chcela a raz o dieťa, ktoré som milovala."
18:47
And I figured it was possible then for anyone to love any child
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Uvedomil som si, že potom je možné pre každého milovať akékoľvek dieťa,
18:52
if they had the effective will to do so.
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ak majú dostatočnú vôľu tak učiniť.
18:54
So my husband is the biological father of two children
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Takže môj manžel je biologický otec dvoch detí
18:59
with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
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lezbických partneriek v Minneapolis.
19:02
I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce and wanted to have children.
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Mal som blízku kamošku z vysokej, ktorá sa rozviedla a chcela mať deti.
19:08
And so she and I have a daughter,
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A tak máme spolu dcéru,
19:10
and mother and daughter live in Texas.
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matka s dcérou žijú v Texase.
19:12
And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time
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Môj manžel a ja máme dieťa, ktoré s nami žije,
19:15
of whom I am the biological father,
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ktorého biologickým otcom som ja,
19:17
and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,
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a našou náhradnou matkou bola Laura,
19:21
the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
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lezbická matka Olivera a Lucy z Minneapolisu.
19:24
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
19:33
So the shorthand is five parents of four children in three states.
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Skrátene je to päť rodičov štyroch detí v troch štátoch.
19:39
And there are people who think that the existence of my family
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A pritom existujú ľudia, ktorí si myslia, že existencia mojej rodiny,
19:42
somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.
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nejako podrýva, znevažuje alebo poškodzuje ich rodiny.
19:47
And there are people who think that families like mine
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A sú ľudia, ktorí si myslia, že rodiny ako moja,
19:50
shouldn't be allowed to exist.
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by nemali mať povolenú existenciu.
19:52
And I don't accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones.
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A ja neakceptujem podradné modely lásky, len tie zásadné.
19:58
And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity
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A verím, že rovnako ako potrebujeme diverzitu druhov,
20:01
to ensure that the planet can go on,
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pre zaistenie pokračovania života na našej planéte,
20:03
so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family
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tak isto potrebujeme diverzitu lásky a diverzitu rodín
20:08
in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
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pre posilnenie ekosféry láskavosti.
20:12
The day after our son was born,
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Deň po tom, ako sa narodil náš syn,
20:15
the pediatrician came into the hospital room and said she was concerned.
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detská lekárka prišla do nemocničnej izby a povedala, že má obavy.
20:19
He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.
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Nerozťahoval nohy ako by mal.
20:22
She said that might mean that he had brain damage.
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Povedala, že to môže značiť poškodenie mozgu.
20:25
In so far as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,
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Ak ich rozťahoval, robil to tak asymetricky,
20:29
which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.
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že to mohlo znamenať, že má nádor nejakého druhu.
20:32
And he had a very large head, which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
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A tiež mal veľmi veľkú hlavu, čo podľa nej mohlo indikovať hydrocephalus.
20:37
And as she told me all of these things,
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A ako mi povedala všetky tieto veci,
20:39
I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.
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Cítil som ako sa podstata mojej osobnosti skladá na zem.
20:43
And I thought, here I had been working for years
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Pomyslel som si, tu som robil celé roky
20:45
on a book about how much meaning people had found
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na knihe o tom aký zmysel našli ľudia
20:48
in the experience of parenting children who are disabled,
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so skúsenosťami rodičovstva detí, ktoré sú postihnuté
20:51
and I didn't want to join their number.
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a nechcel som sa k nim pripojiť.
20:55
Because what I was encountering was an idea of illness.
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Pretože to, čomu som čelil, bola idea choroby.
20:58
And like all parents since the dawn of time,
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A ako všetci rodičia od úsvitu časov,
21:00
I wanted to protect my child from illness.
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som chcel svoje dieťa ochrániť pred chorobou.
21:03
And I wanted also to protect myself from illness.
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A rovnako som chcel pred chorobou ochrániť mňa.
21:07
And yet, I knew from the work I had done
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A teraz, viem z práce, ktorú som vykonal,
21:09
that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,
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že ak by mal ktorúkoľvek z vecí, na ktoré sme ho začali testovať,
21:13
that those would ultimately be his identity,
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tie sa stanú bezpodmienečne jeho identitou,
21:16
and if they were his identity they would become my identity,
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a ak sa stanú jeho identitou, stánu sa aj mojou identitou,
21:21
that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
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takžé tá choroba bude mať veľmi odlišnú podobu ako sa rozšírila.
21:25
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,
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Zobrali sme ho do MRI stroja, dali sme ho do CAT skeneru,
21:28
we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.
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Zobrali sme toto jednodňové dieťa a brali mu krv.
21:32
We felt helpless.
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Cítili sme sa beznádejne.
21:33
And at the end of five hours,
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Po piatich hodinách,
21:34
they said that his brain was completely clear
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povedali, že jeho mozog je úplne v poriadku
21:37
and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.
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a že rozťahuje nohy korektne.
21:40
And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,
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A keď som sa spýtal detskej doktorky, čo sa to deje,
21:43
she said she thought in the morning he had probably had a cramp.
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povedala, že ráno mohol mať pravdepodobne kŕč.
21:47
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
21:51
But I thought how my mother was right.
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Ale pomyslel som si akú pravdu mala moja mama.
21:58
I thought, the love you have for your children
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Myslel som, že láska, ktorú máš pre svoje deti,
22:02
is unlike any other feeling in the world,
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nie je ako žiaden iný cit na svete,
22:05
and until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
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a dokým nemáš deti, nevieš aký je to pocit.
22:11
I think children had ensnared me
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Myslím, že deti ma ulapili
22:14
the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.
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v momente ako som sa stal otcom.
22:17
But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
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No nie som si istý, či by som si to uvedomil,
22:19
if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.
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keby som sa neponoril tak hlboko pri výskume tohto môjho projektu.
22:25
I'd encountered so much strange love,
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Postrehol som tak veľa zvláštnej lásky,
22:28
and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.
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a cítil som sa veľmi prirodzene vo vnútri týchto vzorcov.
22:32
And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
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A videl som ako nádherne môže osvetliť dokonca aj tie najbiednejšie chyby.
22:38
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned
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Počas týchto 10 rokov, som bol svedkom a naučil som sa
22:42
the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,
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desivej radosti z neznesiteľnej zodpovednosti,
22:46
and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.
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a naučil som sa vidieť ako pohltí všetko ostatné.
22:49
And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,
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A síce som si niekedy myslel, že rodičia, ktorých navštevujem sú hlupáci,
22:54
enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children
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vrhajúci sa do otroctva celoživotného dobradružstva s ich nevďačnými deťmi,
22:58
and trying to breed identity out of misery,
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snažiac sa vytvoriť identitu z mizérie,
23:01
I realized that day that my research had built me a plank
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uvedomil som si ten deň, že môj výskum ma posilnil
23:06
and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
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a bol som pripravený ich pripojiť na ich ceste.
23:09
Thank you.
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Ďakujem.
23:11
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - WriterAndrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.
Why you should listen
Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.
Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.
Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.
Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com