TEDxHouston
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability
Brene Brown: 脆弱的力量
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Brene Brown研究人類的連結－－我們同情、歸屬、愛的能力。在TEDxHouston上，尖酸又好笑的演講中，Brown分享她研究的深刻洞悉，讓她更了解自己，並明白人性。一個與各位分享的演講。
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcher
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio
Brené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
So, I'll start with this:
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先講個故事
00:17
a couple years ago, an event planner called me
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幾年前，有個活動策劃打電話給我
00:19
because I was going to do a speaking event.
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因為我要辦一個講座
00:21
And she called, and she said,
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她打給我說
00:23
"I'm really struggling with how
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「我實在想不出來」
00:25
to write about you on the little flyer."
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「在傳單上要怎麼介紹你」
00:27
And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"
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我想說「為什麼想不出來？」
00:29
And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,
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她答：「看過你演講」
00:31
and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think,
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「我想應該稱呼你為研究員」
00:34
but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,
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「但我怕這樣寫，沒有人會來聽演講」
00:36
because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."
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「因為研究員都很無聊、無關緊要」
00:38
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
00:40
And I was like, "Okay."
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好吧
00:42
And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk
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然後她說「但我喜歡你演講的原因」
00:44
is you're a storyteller.
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「是因為很像在說故事」
00:46
So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."
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「所以我要稱你為說書人」
00:49
And of course, the academic, insecure part of me
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我內心學術、沒安全感那面就跳出來
00:52
was like, "You're going to call me a what?"
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「妳要叫我什麼？」
00:54
And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."
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她說：「說故事的人阿」
00:57
And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"
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我心想：「何不乾脆叫我魔法小精靈？」
01:00
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:03
I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."
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「讓我想一下」
01:06
I tried to call deep on my courage.
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我鼓起勇氣
01:09
And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.
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我想：我是說書人
01:12
I'm a qualitative researcher.
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我是定性研究員
01:14
I collect stories; that's what I do.
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我工作就是搜集故事
01:16
And maybe stories are just data with a soul.
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也許故事就是有靈魂的數據
01:19
And maybe I'm just a storyteller.
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或許我真的就是說書人
01:21
And so I said, "You know what?
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我就說：「好吧」
01:23
Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."
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「你就叫我研究說書員」
01:26
And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."
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她就回：「哈，沒這東西」
01:29
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
01:31
So I'm a researcher-storyteller,
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所以我是個研究說書員
01:33
and I'm going to talk to you today --
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我今天要告訴各位的
01:35
we're talking about expanding perception --
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是關於看法的擴展
01:37
and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories
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我要分享給各位幾個故事
01:39
about a piece of my research
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是我研究的一部份
01:42
that fundamentally expanded my perception
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這部份徹底的擴展了我的觀點
01:45
and really actually changed the way that I live and love
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並確實改變了我生活、愛、
01:48
and work and parent.
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工作、為人父母的過程
01:50
And this is where my story starts.
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這是我故事的開始
01:52
When I was a young researcher, doctoral student,
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當時我還是個年輕的研究員，念博士
01:55
my first year I had a research professor
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第一年，我有個教授
01:57
who said to us,
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告訴我們
01:59
"Here's the thing,
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「是這樣的」
02:01
if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."
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「你無法測量的，就不存在」
02:04
And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.
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我想他只是講些好聽話而已
02:07
I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."
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我就說：「真的嗎？」他回：「千真萬確」
02:10
And so you have to understand
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你們要明白
02:12
that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work,
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我學士、碩士都念社工
02:14
and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,
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我的博士學位也是社工
02:16
so my entire academic career
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所以我的學術事業
02:18
was surrounded by people
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都圍繞著
02:20
who kind of believed
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一些相信
02:22
in the "life's messy, love it."
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「生活很混亂，愛它吧」的人
02:25
And I'm more of the, "life's messy,
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但我是那種「生活很混亂」
02:27
clean it up, organize it
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「那就收拾整齊」
02:30
and put it into a bento box."
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「並收進便當盒裡」的人
02:32
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
02:34
And so to think that I had found my way,
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我想我找到我的路
02:37
to found a career that takes me --
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發現一個能帶著我的事業
02:40
really, one of the big sayings in social work
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社工常說的一句話
02:43
is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work."
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偎緊工作令人不舒服的部份
02:46
And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head
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我則是那種，遇到不愉快就趕緊
02:49
and move it over and get all A's.
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想辦法對付他並拿A
02:51
That was my mantra.
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我這樣催眠自己
02:54
So I was very excited about this.
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對此很期待
02:56
And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me,
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我想，這就是我要做的大事了
02:59
because I am interested in some messy topics.
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因為我對這些混亂的話題有興趣
03:02
But I want to be able to make them not messy.
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但我想讓他們變得不混亂
03:04
I want to understand them.
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我想搞懂他們
03:06
I want to hack into these things
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我想徹底研究這些
03:08
I know are important
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我知道很重要的事
03:10
and lay the code out for everyone to see.
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並把秘密找出來分享給大家
03:12
So where I started was with connection.
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所以我從"連結"開始
03:15
Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years,
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因為，當了十年社工
03:18
what you realize
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你會理解到
03:20
is that connection is why we're here.
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連結就是我們都在此的原因
03:23
It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
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這是我們生命被賦予意義的東西
03:26
This is what it's all about.
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一切都與這相關
03:28
It doesn't matter whether you talk to people
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不管你跟哪個領域的人聊天
03:30
who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect,
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不論是社會公平、心理健康、 受虐與疏忽照顧
03:33
what we know is that connection,
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我們知道，連結
03:35
the ability to feel connected, is --
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感受到彼此的連結是
03:38
neurobiologically that's how we're wired --
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在神經生物學來說，是我們天生的
03:41
it's why we're here.
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我們在此的原因
03:43
So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.
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所以我想，我要以連結開始研究
03:46
Well, you know that situation
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我想你們都經歷過
03:49
where you get an evaluation from your boss,
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老闆給的工作評價
03:51
and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome,
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可能會是37件極佳的表現
03:54
and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?"
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但有一件是 -- 尚待改進
03:56
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
03:58
And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?
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你腦子只會想這那尚待改進的事
04:02
Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well,
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我的研究也是這樣
04:05
because, when you ask people about love,
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因為當你問人們關於愛的故事
04:08
they tell you about heartbreak.
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他們會告訴你心碎的故事
04:10
When you ask people about belonging,
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當你問人們關於歸屬的故事
04:12
they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences
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他們會告訴你那些他們被排除在外
04:15
of being excluded.
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的椎心經驗
04:17
And when you ask people about connection,
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因為當你問人們關於連結的故事
04:19
the stories they told me were about disconnection.
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他們會告訴你那些分離的故事
04:22
So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research --
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所以很快的，研究開始的六週後
04:25
I ran into this unnamed thing
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就是這件不知如何命名的事
04:28
that absolutely unraveled connection
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讓連結瓦解
04:31
in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.
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我不懂也從未見過
04:34
And so I pulled back out of the research
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所以我將研究暫停
04:36
and thought, I need to figure out what this is.
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我想，我一定要知道這是為什麼
04:39
And it turned out to be shame.
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原來就是羞恥
04:42
And shame is really easily understood
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羞恥很好理解
04:44
as the fear of disconnection:
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就是害怕失去連結
04:46
Is there something about me
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我的哪些部份
04:48
that, if other people know it or see it,
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如果外人知道了
04:51
that I won't be worthy of connection?
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會不會不想與我往來
04:54
The things I can tell you about it:
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羞恥，我可以告訴你們
04:56
it's universal; we all have it.
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是普遍存在的，我們都有
04:58
The only people who don't experience shame
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那些沒有羞恥心的人
05:00
have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
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沒有同情心與人類連結
05:02
No one wants to talk about it,
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沒人想談羞恥
05:04
and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
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越不談感受越大
05:09
What underpinned this shame,
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鞏固羞恥的東西
05:11
this "I'm not good enough," --
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這種「我不夠好」的感受
05:13
which we all know that feeling:
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我想我們都經歷過
05:15
"I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,
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「不夠徹底、不夠纖瘦」
05:17
rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough,
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「不夠有錢、不夠漂亮、不夠聰明」
05:19
promoted enough."
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「不夠有才」
05:21
The thing that underpinned this
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支撐這種
05:23
was excruciating vulnerability,
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極痛苦的脆弱感的
05:26
this idea of,
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是這種
05:28
in order for connection to happen,
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為了要有連結
05:30
we have to allow ourselves to be seen,
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我們必須讓自己被看見
05:33
really seen.
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真的被看見
05:35
And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.
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各位都知道，我恨脆弱
05:38
And so I thought, this is my chance
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所以我想，這是我
05:40
to beat it back with my measuring stick.
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用量尺贏回來的機會
05:43
I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out,
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我一定要搞懂這東西
05:46
I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame,
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我要花一年的時間，破解羞恥
05:49
I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,
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我一定要了解脆弱是如何運作
05:51
and I'm going to outsmart it.
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我要打敗它
05:54
So I was ready, and I was really excited.
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我準備好了，也很興奮
05:59
As you know, it's not going to turn out well.
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各位也知道，結果沒有很好
06:01
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
06:04
You know this.
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你們都懂
06:06
So, I could tell you a lot about shame,
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關於羞恥我可以講很多
06:08
but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.
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但會佔用到其他講者的時間
06:10
But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to --
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我可以告訴你的是，研究最終
06:13
and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned
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這是我十年的研究所學到最重要
06:16
in the decade of doing this research.
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的其中一件事
06:19
My one year
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我的一年
06:21
turned into six years:
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變成六年
06:23
thousands of stories,
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數千個故事
06:25
hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.
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數百個面談，團體會晤
06:28
At one point, people were sending me journal pages
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某階段還有人寄給我日記手札
06:30
and sending me their stories --
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告訴我他們的故事
06:33
thousands of pieces of data in six years.
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六年間有數千筆數據
06:36
And I kind of got a handle on it.
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我也大概弄懂了
06:38
I kind of understood, this is what shame is,
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我有點明白羞恥是什麼
06:40
this is how it works.
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是怎麼運作的
06:42
I wrote a book,
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我寫了本書
06:44
I published a theory,
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出版了個理論
06:46
but something was not okay --
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但有件事還是不對
06:49
and what it was is that,
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就是
06:51
if I roughly took the people I interviewed
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我將我訪問過的人
06:53
and divided them into people
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分為兩組
06:56
who really have a sense of worthiness --
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一組是認為自己有價值的人 --
06:59
that's what this comes down to,
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這也是核心的部份
07:01
a sense of worthiness --
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個人價值感 --
07:03
they have a strong sense of love and belonging --
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這些人有很強的愛與歸屬感
07:06
and folks who struggle for it,
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另一組是掙扎的人
07:08
and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
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他們總想自己是否夠好
07:10
There was only one variable
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兩組間只有一個可變因素
07:12
that separated the people who have
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有強烈愛與歸屬感的人
07:14
a strong sense of love and belonging
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與掙扎的人之間
07:16
and the people who really struggle for it.
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只有一個可變因素
07:18
And that was, the people who have
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這就是，那些
07:20
a strong sense of love and belonging
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有強烈愛與歸屬感的人
07:22
believe they're worthy of love and belonging.
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相信他們是值得愛與歸屬的
07:25
That's it.
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就這樣
07:27
They believe they're worthy.
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他們相信這是值得的
07:30
And to me, the hard part
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對我來說，困難的部份
07:33
of the one thing that keeps us out of connection
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唯一讓我們無法連結的部份
07:36
is our fear that we're not worthy of connection,
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就是害怕我們不值得彼此連結
07:39
was something that, personally and professionally,
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這個在個人以及工作上來說
07:41
I felt like I needed to understand better.
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我覺得我應該要更精確理解
07:44
So what I did
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所以我
07:47
is I took all of the interviews
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將所有的訪談裡
07:49
where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,
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看得出個人價值感的案例拿出來
07:52
and just looked at those.
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只看這些人
07:55
What do these people have in common?
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這些人有什麼共同點？
07:57
I have a slight office supply addiction,
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我對辦公用品有點龜毛
07:59
but that's another talk.
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但這是另一個故事了
08:02
So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie,
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我拿了個分類文件夾、一隻簽字筆
08:05
and I was like, what am I going to call this research?
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我就想，這研究要怎麼稱呼?
08:07
And the first words that came to my mind
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我想到的第一個字就是
08:09
were whole-hearted.
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全心全意
08:11
These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.
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這些都是全心付出的人，以強烈價值感活著
08:14
So I wrote at the top of the manila folder,
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所以我在資料夾上這樣寫
08:17
and I started looking at the data.
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並開始看我所找到的資料
08:19
In fact, I did it first
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事實上
08:21
in a four-day
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我所做的是
08:23
very intensive data analysis,
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前四天都密集研究資料
08:26
where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.
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回到最初的訪問、故事、事件
08:29
What's the theme? What's the pattern?
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主題是什麼？模式是什麼？
08:32
My husband left town with the kids
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我老公帶孩子出遠門
08:35
because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing,
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因為我整個廢寢忘食
08:38
where I'm just like writing
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我狂寫資料
08:40
and in my researcher mode.
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進入我"研究員模式"
08:43
And so here's what I found.
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我的研究結果是這樣的
08:47
What they had in common
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他們共有的
08:49
was a sense of courage.
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是勇氣(courage)
08:51
And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.
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我想簡單解釋勇氣(courage)與勇敢(bravery)的不同
08:54
Courage, the original definition of courage,
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勇氣最初的定義
08:56
when it first came into the English language --
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最早變成英語的時候
08:58
it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --
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是拉丁字源cor，表示"心(heart)"
09:01
and the original definition
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而它最初的定義
09:03
was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
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就是全心全意講述關於你自己的故事
09:06
And so these folks
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所以這些人
09:08
had, very simply, the courage
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有著承認不完美
09:10
to be imperfect.
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的勇氣
09:13
They had the compassion
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他們有同情心
09:15
to be kind to themselves first and then to others,
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對自己好之後對別人好
09:18
because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people
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因為，後來發現，你要對別人有同情心
09:21
if we can't treat ourselves kindly.
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就一定要先對自己好
09:24
And the last was they had connection,
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最後，他們都有著連結
09:26
and -- this was the hard part --
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這是困難的部份
09:28
as a result of authenticity,
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就是"真實性"的結果
09:31
they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be
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他們願意放下他們想成為的自己
09:34
in order to be who they were,
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為了做真正的自己
09:36
which you have to absolutely do that
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而為了與人連結
09:39
for connection.
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就必須這麼做
09:43
The other thing that they had in common
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他們的另一個共通點
09:45
was this:
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是這個
09:50
They fully embraced vulnerability.
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他們坦蕩的接受脆弱
09:55
They believed
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他們相信
09:58
that what made them vulnerable
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讓他們脆弱的
10:01
made them beautiful.
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會讓他們美麗
10:05
They didn't talk about vulnerability
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他們並不是說脆弱
10:07
being comfortable,
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是很自在的事
10:09
nor did they really talk about it being excruciating --
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也不是很痛心的事
10:12
as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.
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從我早期"羞恥"訪問中發現的
10:14
They just talked about it being necessary.
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他們認為脆弱是必須的
10:18
They talked about the willingness
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他們談到願意先說
10:20
to say, "I love you" first,
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「我愛你」
10:23
the willingness
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願意
10:26
to do something
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去做那些
10:28
where there are no guarantees,
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不保證美好的事
10:31
the willingness
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願意
10:33
to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call
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在乳房X光檢查後深呼吸
10:35
after your mammogram.
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等待醫生回電
10:38
They're willing to invest in a relationship
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願意投入一場戀愛
10:41
that may or may not work out.
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不論結果好不好
10:44
They thought this was fundamental.
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他們認為這是很基本的
10:47
I personally thought it was betrayal.
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我個人認為這是背叛
10:50
I could not believe I had pledged allegiance
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因為我發了誓要
10:53
to research, where our job --
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做研究
10:55
you know, the definition of research
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研究的定義
10:57
is to control and predict, to study phenomena,
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就是控制和預測、研究現象
11:00
for the explicit reason
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就這麼簡單
11:02
to control and predict.
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控制和預測
11:04
And now my mission
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所以我原本的任務
11:06
to control and predict
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控制和預測
11:08
had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability
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變成發現到人們都與脆弱一起生活
11:11
and to stop controlling and predicting.
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並停止控制和預測
11:14
This led to a little breakdown --
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後來導致我有點小崩潰
11:17
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
11:21
-- which actually looked more like this.
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應該是這樣
11:24
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
11:26
And it did.
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沒錯
11:28
I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
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我稱為崩潰，我心理醫師稱為心靈覺醒
11:32
A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown,
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心靈覺醒好聽多了
11:34
but I assure you it was a breakdown.
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不過我確定就是崩潰沒錯
11:36
And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.
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所以我把工作放下，去找心理醫師
11:38
Let me tell you something: you know who you are
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告訴你吧，當你打電話給朋友並問他們：
11:41
when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.
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「我想我需要看心理醫生了，你有建議誰嗎？」的時候
11:44
Do you have any recommendations?"
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就瞭解自己是誰了
11:47
Because about five of my friends were like,
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我五個朋友都說
11:49
"Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist."
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「真慶幸我不是你心理醫師」
11:51
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
11:54
I was like, "What does that mean?"
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我就說：「你這什麼意思？」
11:56
And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.
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他們就說：「我只是說說」
11:59
Don't bring your measuring stick."
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「別帶你的量尺就對了」
12:01
I was like, "Okay."
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好吧
12:06
So I found a therapist.
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我找到了個醫師
12:08
My first meeting with her, Diana --
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我第一次與Diana的會診
12:11
I brought in my list
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我帶上我的清單
12:13
of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.
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就是全心全意訪問清單，並坐下
12:16
And she said, "How are you?"
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她說：「你好嗎？」
12:18
And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."
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我說：「我很好阿」
12:21
She said, "What's going on?"
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她說：「你怎麼了？」
12:23
And this is a therapist who sees therapists,
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我的心理醫師也看心理醫師
12:26
because we have to go to those,
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因為每個人都有心事
12:28
because their B.S. meters are good.
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然後他們胡扯的功力都很厲害
12:31
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
12:33
And so I said,
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然後我說
12:35
"Here's the thing, I'm struggling."
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「是這樣的，我在掙扎」
12:37
And she said, "What's the struggle?"
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她說：「掙扎什麼？」
12:39
And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.
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我說：「我跟脆弱槓上了」
12:42
And I know that vulnerability is the core
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「我知道脆弱是丟臉和害怕」
12:45
of shame and fear
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「的核心」
12:47
and our struggle for worthiness,
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「為了自我價值的掙扎」
12:49
but it appears that it's also the birthplace
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「但似乎也孕育出了」
12:52
of joy, of creativity,
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「喜悅、創造力」
12:55
of belonging, of love.
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「歸屬和愛」
12:57
And I think I have a problem,
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「所以我想我遇到困難了」
12:59
and I need some help."
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「我需要幫忙」
13:02
And I said, "But here's the thing:
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「但是，不要跟我講」
13:04
no family stuff,
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「我家庭怎樣」
13:06
no childhood shit."
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「我童年怎樣的廢話」
13:08
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:10
"I just need some strategies."
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「告訴我怎麼做就好」
13:13
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:17
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
13:20
Thank you.
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謝謝
13:24
So she goes like this.
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然後她就
13:27
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:29
And then I said, "It's bad, right?"
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我問：「很糟吧？」
13:32
And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
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她答：「不好也不壞啦」
13:35
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:37
"It just is what it is."
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「不就這樣」
13:39
And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."
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我說：「天哪，我完了」
13:42
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
13:45
And it did, and it didn't.
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是也不是啦
13:47
And it took about a year.
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我看了一年的醫生
13:50
And you know how there are people
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你們知道有些人
13:52
that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important,
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在明白脆弱與溫柔很重要之後
13:55
that they surrender and walk into it.
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會舉旗投降
13:58
A: that's not me,
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A: 這不是我的個性
14:00
and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.
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B: 我不跟這種人交朋友
14:03
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
14:06
For me, it was a yearlong street fight.
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對我來說，很像長達幾年的街頭鬥毆
14:09
It was a slugfest.
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打鬥很激烈
14:11
Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.
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脆弱揍我，我打回去
14:13
I lost the fight,
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我輸了
14:16
but probably won my life back.
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但卻贏了我的生活
14:18
And so then I went back into the research
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所以我繼續這個研究
14:20
and spent the next couple of years
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花了幾年時間
14:22
really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,
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試著搞清楚這些全心全意的人
14:25
what choices they were making,
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他們所做出的選擇
14:27
and what are we doing
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他們怎麼應付
14:29
with vulnerability.
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脆弱感的
14:31
Why do we struggle with it so much?
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為什麼我們如此掙扎？
14:33
Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?
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只有我與脆弱掙扎嗎？
14:36
No.
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不是
14:38
So this is what I learned.
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這是我所學到的
14:41
We numb vulnerability --
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我們麻痺脆弱
14:44
when we're waiting for the call.
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例如我們在等待重要電話時
14:46
It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook
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蠻好笑的，我在推特和臉書上打了
14:48
that says, "How would you define vulnerability?
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「要如何定義脆弱？」
14:50
What makes you feel vulnerable?"
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「為什麼會感到脆弱？」
14:52
And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.
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大概一個半小時後，我收到150個回覆
14:55
Because I wanted to know
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因為我想知道
14:57
what's out there.
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大家的情形
15:00
Having to ask my husband for help
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找老公幫忙
15:02
because I'm sick, and we're newly married;
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因為我病了，而且才新婚、
15:05
initiating sex with my husband;
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向老公求歡、
15:08
initiating sex with my wife;
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向老婆求歡、
15:10
being turned down; asking someone out;
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被拒絕、邀人去約會、
15:13
waiting for the doctor to call back;
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等著醫生回電、
15:15
getting laid off; laying off people --
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被辭退、辭退員工 --
15:18
this is the world we live in.
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這就是我們的生活
15:20
We live in a vulnerable world.
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我們生活在脆弱的世界裡
15:23
And one of the ways we deal with it
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而我們應付脆弱的其中一個方式
15:25
is we numb vulnerability.
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就是麻痺脆弱感
15:27
And I think there's evidence --
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我認為這是有證據的
15:29
and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,
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證據存在不只是唯一理由
15:31
but I think it's a huge cause --
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我認為這是美國史上
15:33
we are the most in-debt,
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越來越多負債、
15:37
obese,
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肥胖
15:40
addicted and medicated
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成癮、依賴藥物、
15:43
adult cohort in U.S. history.
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成群的很大原因
15:48
The problem is -- and I learned this from the research --
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問題是 -- 這是我從研究中學到的 --
15:51
that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
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你無法選擇去麻痺情感
15:55
You can't say, here's the bad stuff.
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不能說，我不喜歡這感覺
15:58
Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame,
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脆弱感、悲傷、羞恥
16:00
here's fear, here's disappointment.
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害怕、失望等等
16:02
I don't want to feel these.
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我不想要有這種感受
16:04
I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
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去喝啤酒和香蕉堅果鬆餅解悶
16:07
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
16:09
I don't want to feel these.
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麻痺這些感覺
16:11
And I know that's knowing laughter.
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我知道這笑聲
16:13
I hack into your lives for a living.
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我把你們的生活都研究透徹了
16:16
God.
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天哪被發現了
16:18
(Laughter)
381
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(笑聲)
16:20
You can't numb those hard feelings
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要麻痺難過的感覺
16:23
without numbing the other affects, our emotions.
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就要麻痹憐憫、情感
16:25
You cannot selectively numb.
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你不能選擇性麻痺
16:27
So when we numb those,
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當我們麻痺這些
16:30
we numb joy,
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我們麻痺喜悅
16:32
we numb gratitude,
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我們麻痺感激
16:34
we numb happiness.
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我們麻痺快樂
16:36
And then we are miserable,
389
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之後感到痛苦
16:39
and we are looking for purpose and meaning,
390
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然後追求目標與意義
16:41
and then we feel vulnerable,
391
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之後感到脆弱
16:43
so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
392
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然後去喝啤酒和香蕉堅果鬆餅解悶
16:46
And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
393
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如此變成惡性循環
16:51
One of the things that I think we need to think about
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我們必須想想
16:54
is why and how we numb.
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我們為什麼、如何麻痺
16:56
And it doesn't just have to be addiction.
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並不一定是因為習慣了
16:59
The other thing we do
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我們會做的另一件事
17:01
is we make everything that's uncertain certain.
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是確定那些令人不確定的事
17:05
Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery
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宗教已從信仰與神秘
17:08
to certainty.
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變成確定的事
17:10
I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.
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我對、你錯、閉嘴
17:13
That's it.
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就這樣
17:15
Just certain.
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就是確定性
17:17
The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are,
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我們越怕，就越脆弱
17:19
the more afraid we are.
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然後更害怕
17:21
This is what politics looks like today.
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有點像現今的政治
17:23
There's no discourse anymore.
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沒有談話
17:25
There's no conversation.
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沒有交談
17:27
There's just blame.
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只有責怪
17:29
You know how blame is described in the research?
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你們知道研究上怎麼描述"責怪"嗎？
17:32
A way to discharge pain and discomfort.
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釋放痛苦與不安的方式之一
17:36
We perfect.
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我們追求完美
17:38
If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me,
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世上唯有我希望生活如此
17:41
but it doesn't work.
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但不這麼稱心
17:43
Because what we do is we take fat from our butts
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我們選擇將屁股的脂肪抽出來
17:45
and put it in our cheeks.
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並拿去豐唇
17:47
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
17:50
Which just, I hope in 100 years,
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我希望幾百年後的人們
17:52
people will look back and go, "Wow."
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會對此瞠目咋舌
17:54
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
17:56
And we perfect, most dangerously,
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我們追求完美時，最危險的
17:58
our children.
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就是要孩子完美
18:00
Let me tell you what we think about children.
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跟你們講怎麼對待孩子吧
18:02
They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.
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他們生來就得掙扎以達目的
18:05
And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,
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當你手上抱著完美的寶寶時
18:08
our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.
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我們的工作不是說：「看看她，真完美」
18:10
My job is just to keep her perfect --
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「我的工作是讓她保持完美」
18:12
make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."
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「確定她五年級時選上網球隊，國一跳級念耶魯」
18:15
That's not our job.
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這不是我們的工作
18:17
Our job is to look and say,
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我們的工作是看著他們說
18:19
"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle,
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「你知道嗎？你不完美，你生來就得掙扎」
18:22
but you are worthy of love and belonging."
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「但你值得愛與歸屬的」
18:24
That's our job.
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這才是我們的工作
18:26
Show me a generation of kids raised like that,
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如果一整代孩子都這麼養
18:28
and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.
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那今日的問題都可迎刃而解
18:31
We pretend that what we do
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我們假裝我們所做的
18:35
doesn't have an effect on people.
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對他人沒有影響
18:38
We do that in our personal lives.
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我們在他人的生活中都是這麼做的
18:40
We do that corporate --
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還會合作完成--
18:42
whether it's a bailout, an oil spill,
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不管是財政援助或油輪漏油、
18:44
a recall --
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產品回收--
18:46
we pretend like what we're doing
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我們假裝我們所做的
18:48
doesn't have a huge impact on other people.
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對他人沒有極大的影響
18:51
I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.
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大公司們，我們沒這麼好騙
18:55
We just need you to be authentic and real
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我們只要你們老實的說聲
18:57
and say, "We're sorry.
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「對不起」
18:59
We'll fix it."
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「我們會彌補」
19:05
But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.
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但還有別的方法的，我留此作結
19:07
This is what I have found:
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這是我發現的：
19:09
to let ourselves be seen,
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讓自己被看見
19:11
deeply seen,
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最深層的那面
19:13
vulnerably seen;
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脆弱的那面
19:16
to love with our whole hearts,
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全心全意去愛
19:18
even though there's no guarantee --
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即使不保證有回報
19:20
and that's really hard,
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即使很困難
19:22
and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --
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尤其身為一個家長，我告訴你們，當我們恐懼時
19:27
to practice gratitude and joy
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表達感激與喜樂
19:30
in those moments of terror,
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是很痛徹心扉的
19:32
when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much?
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當我們想：「我能否這麼愛你？」
19:34
Can I believe in this this passionately?
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「我能熱情地相信嗎？」
19:36
Can I be this fierce about this?"
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「我可以對此勇敢嗎？」的時候
19:39
just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen,
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能夠停下來，別把一切想的太糟糕
19:41
to say, "I'm just so grateful,
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然後告訴自己:「我很感激」
19:44
because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
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「因為會感到脆弱代表我還活著」
19:48
And the last, which I think is probably the most important,
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最後，我想最重要的是
19:51
is to believe that we're enough.
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相信自己足夠了
19:54
Because when we work from a place,
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因為如果我們都能
19:56
I believe, that says, "I'm enough,"
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相信自己「我夠好了」
20:00
then we stop screaming and start listening,
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那我們便會停止抱怨並開始傾聽
20:04
we're kinder and gentler to the people around us,
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我們對身邊的人會更溫柔仁慈
20:06
and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
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對自己也會更溫柔仁慈
20:09
That's all I have. Thank you.
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就這樣，謝謝各位
20:11
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Brené Brown - Vulnerability researcherBrené Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.
Why you should listen
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She spent the first five years of her decade-long study focusing on shame and empathy, and is now using that work to explore a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness. She poses the questions:
How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?
Brené Brown | Speaker | TED.com