George Blair-West: 3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce
George Blair-West: Tres maneras de construir un matrimonio feliz y evitar el divorcio
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry. Full bio
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Richard Wright y Thomas Harms
and Thomas Holmes developed an inventory
experiencias humanas más angustiosas
human experiences that we could have.
Muerte de un cónyuge.
Three, marital separation.
what comes in number seven on the list,
en el número siete de la lista,
in an institution.
en una institución.
se ha contado dos veces.
has been counted twice.
el inventario de estrés vital,
se equiparaba a un matrimonio.
pretty much equated to a marriage.
los propósitos de esta charla,
I'm going to be including
common-law marriages
matrimonios y matrimonios homosexuales
soon hopefully to become marriages.
espero que se conviertan en matrimonios.
with same-sex couples,
del mismo género,
to talk about are no different.
en todas las relaciones.
sabemos que la prevención
is better than cure.
tetanus, whooping cough, measles.
el tétanos, la tos ferina, el sarampión.
for melanoma, stroke, diabetes --
para el melanoma,
Ese es nuestra tasa actual de divorcio.
our current divorce rate.
para el divorcio?
our policymakers don't believe
no creen que cosas como la atracción
and the way relationships are built
construyen las relaciones
son de la Generación X.
are Generation X.
y cincuenta y tantos.
about these issues,
veo sus ojos vidriados,
¿No lo entiende este psiquiatra loco?
las personas atraen a otras personas
people attract other people
analytical and skeptical generation,
analítica y escéptica
de cualquier generación anterior.
of any generation before them.
tengo una reacción muy diferente.
I get a very different reaction.
relaciones que duran.
have relationships that last?
la era post-romántica del destino conmigo,
the post- "romantic destiny" era with me,
for preventing divorce.
de vida para evitar el divorcio.
to prevent divorce at two points:
el divorcio en dos puntos posteriores.
in an established relationship;
a aparecer en una relación establecida
before we have children.
y de eso hablaré ahora.
on their devices a day.
en sus dispositivos al día.
quizá con razón,
their face-to-face relationships.
the hookup culture,
aplicaciones como Tinder,
the 20-somethings that I work with
los veinteañeros con los que trabajo
how it is often easier for them
con alguien que han conocido.
tener relaciones sexuales
of the institution of marriage.
and get all moral on me,
recuerden que la Generación X,
in the American Public Report,
sexuales prematrimoniales
relaciones estén sucediendo más tarde.
these relationships are happening later.
at an average age for women of 20
y los hombres a los 23.
30 para las mujeres y 32 para los hombres.
the older you are when you get married,
seas cuando te casas,
permite que entren en juego
the other two preventers of divorce
y de un ingreso más elevado,
to go with tertiary education.
con la educación terciaria.
kind of get mixed up together.
nos dice que el cerebro humano
until at least the age of 25.
al menos los 25 años.
y lo que uno piensa
and what you're thinking
to my mind, is personality.
para mí, es la personalidad.
la personalidad a los 50 años.
your personality at the age of 50.
con la personalidad a los 50 años.
your personality at the age of 50.
joven, por qué rompieron dijeron:
who got married young why they broke up,
porque los veintitantos
of rapid change and maturation.
before you get married is older.
es ser mayor.
e investigador de relaciones
and relationship researcher,
with a happy, successful marriage.
que se correlacionan
pero quiero hablar de algo importante.
implosionan, se autodestruyen
self-destruct, if this problem is present.
to talk about it here
porque es algo que pueden evaluar
you can evaluate while you're dating.
más estables y felices
that were the most stable and happy
en las que la pareja compartía el poder.
the couple shared power.
overseas trips, buying a car,
comprar un coche, tener hijos.
drilled down on this data,
profundizó en estos datos,
eran generalmente bastante influenciables.
were generally pretty influenceable.
two options here, isn't there?
es que los hombres influenciables
“¡padres sobresalientes!”
¿qué tan influenciable es su hombre?
en la toma de decisiones.
in the decision-making process.
las parejas vienen a verme
why couples come in to see me
durante 30 o 40 años.
for 30 or 40 years.
the infirmities and illness of old age.
a las enfermedades de la vejez,
enfocados en cuidarse unos a otros.
focused on caring for each other.
les han molestado durante años.
that have bugged them for years.
incluso las infidelidades,
even infidelities,
on caring for each other.
es la fiabilidad o la falta de fidelidad.
for this is reliability,
to do what they say they're going to do?
tu pareja haga lo que dice que va a hacer?
por ejemplo, estás fuera,
verbally attacked by somebody,
realmente incapacitante,
a really disabling illness,
y hace lo que hay que hacer
and do what needs to be done
cared for and protected?
no hace eso por ti,
isn't doing that for you --
to do that for them --
por tu pareja,
mejor fuera que dentro de la relación.
be better off out of it rather than in it.
when it really matters?
cuando realmente importa?
tiempo, pero sobre todo si es importante.
commit to do something for your partner.
a hacer algo por tu pareja.
as much as you can follow through
sound-good-in-the-moment
en el momento y luego decepcionar.
para tu pareja y te comprometes con ello,
to your partner, and you commit to it,
and high water to follow through.
cielo y tierra para seguir adelante.
that I'm saying you can look for.
things that can be built
y relaciones existentes.
que pueden tomar
para tener a sus hijos.
the other parent of your children.
and quirky thing.
hermoso y peculiar.
a un corazón romántico y amoroso,
to a romantic, loving heart
decision of our life.
más importante de nuestra vida.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
George Blair-West - PsychiatristDr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry.
Why you should listen
Dr. George Blair-West specializes in psychiatry in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. He sub-specializes in trauma and relationship/sex therapy. His abiding interest is distilling the latest psychotherapeutic research, honing these insights for impactful delivery through his clinical work, and then sharing them with the greater population.
In the 1990s, as a Senior Lecturer at the University of Queensland, Blair-West published widely on suicide and depression. Needing to lose weight himself, he then turned his focus to the overlooked research into the psychological forces that prevent weight loss. The bestselling book Weight Loss for Food Lovers: Understanding Our Minds and Why We Sabotage Our Weight Loss (translated into Dutch and Chinese) along with related research papers resulted in keynote addresses, a regular spot on the Australian breakfast show Today and media appearances around the world. A children's book on teaching healthy eating habits followed, and in 2010 Blair-West was named one of the "top 20 most influential obesity experts in the world."
Blair-West's 2013 novel The Way of The Quest received three international awards and was about the "how to" of finding one's meaning and purpose in life while building healthy relationships.
Helping people make sense of relationships is Blair-West's most important work. Drawing on his 25 years as a relationship therapist, he is currently writing his fourth book, How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life with his daughter Jiveny Blair-West, a dating coach. He and his wife Penny, a psychologist, celebrated 30 years of marriage in 2018.
George Blair-West | Speaker | TED.com