George Blair-West: 3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce
Džordž Bler-Vest (George Blair-West): Tri načina da izgradite srećan brak i sprečite razvod
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry. Full bio
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and Thomas Holmes developed an inventory
sastavili su spisak
human experiences that we could have.
koje možemo doživeti.
Three, marital separation.
Tri, rastanak od partnera.
what comes in number seven on the list,
treba nam broj sedam na listi,
in an institution.
has been counted twice.
broj sedam stavljen dva puta.
stresnih situacija sastavljen,
pretty much equated to a marriage.
I'm going to be including
common-law marriages
soon hopefully to become marriages.
uskoro postati brakovi.
with same-sex couples,
to talk about are no different.
o kojima ću govoriti ne razlikuju.
is better than cure.
tetanus, whooping cough, measles.
velikog kašlja, boginja.
for melanoma, stroke, diabetes --
infarkt, dijabetes -
our current divorce rate.
trenutna stopa razvoda.
our policymakers don't believe
and the way relationships are built
i način na koji se grade veze
are Generation X.
su trenutno generacija X.
about these issues,
people attract other people
na koji se ljudi međusobno privlače
analytical and skeptical generation,
i najskeptičnija generacija,
of any generation before them.
od svih generacija pre njih.
I get a very different reaction.
dobijem skroz drugačiju reakciju.
have relationships that last?
the post- "romantic destiny" era with me,
post- „romantične sudbine“ sa mnom,
for preventing divorce.
za sprečavanje razvoda.
to prevent divorce at two points:
sprečiti u dva trenutka:
in an established relationship;
u već uspostavljenoj vezi;
before we have children.
pre nego što dobijemo decu.
on their devices a day.
od sedam sati na svojim uređajima.
their face-to-face relationships.
na njihove veze u stvarnosti.
the hookup culture,
the 20-somethings that I work with
20-godišnjaci sa kojima radim
how it is often easier for them
sa nekim koga su upoznali
of the institution of marriage.
izvan institucije braka.
and get all moral on me,
in the American Public Report,
prema Američkom javnom izveštaju
these relationships are happening later.
ove veze dešavaju kasnije.
at an average age for women of 20
u proseku sa 20 godina
the older you are when you get married,
kada se venčavate,
the other two preventers of divorce
druge prepreke za razvod
to go with tertiary education.
uz visoko obrazovanje.
kind of get mixed up together.
nekako pomešaju.
until at least the age of 25.
bar do 25. godine.
and what you're thinking
to my mind, is personality.
najvažnije, je ličnost.
your personality at the age of 50.
your personality at the age of 50.
who got married young why they broke up,
ko se venčao mlad zašto su se rastali,
of rapid change and maturation.
brzih promena i sazrevanja.
before you get married is older.
prvo treba da ostarite.
and relationship researcher,
with a happy, successful marriage.
na srećan, uspešan brak.
self-destruct, if this problem is present.
razori se, ako se pojavi ovaj problem.
to talk about it here
o tome da govorim je
you can evaluate while you're dating.
proceniti dok se zabavljate.
that were the most stable and happy
najstabilnije i najsrećnije veze
the couple shared power.
overseas trips, buying a car,
prekookeanska putovanja, kupovina auta,
drilled down on this data,
dublje istražio ove podatke,
were generally pretty influenceable.
generalno prilično može uticati.
two options here, isn't there?
podložni uticaju?
in the decision-making process.
odigra ulogu u donošenju odluka.
why couples come in to see me
zašto me parovi posećuju
for 30 or 40 years.
the infirmities and illness of old age.
nemoći i bolesti starog doba.
focused on caring for each other.
na brigu jedno o drugom.
that have bugged them for years.
even infidelities,
on caring for each other.
for this is reliability,
za to je pouzdanost,
to do what they say they're going to do?
da će uraditi ono što kaže?
verbally attacked by somebody,
a really disabling illness,
and do what needs to be done
i uradi sve što je potrebno
cared for and protected?
zbrinuto i zaštićeno?
isn't doing that for you --
to do that for them --
be better off out of it rather than in it.
van nje nego u njoj.
when it really matters?
kada je stvarno važno?
commit to do something for your partner.
se obavežete da uradite nešto za partnera.
as much as you can follow through
onoliko koliko možete da ispunite
sound-good-in-the-moment
to your partner, and you commit to it,
i vi se obavežete,
and high water to follow through.
nebo i zemlju da u tome istrajete.
that I'm saying you can look for.
da treba da tražite.
things that can be built
koje se mogu izgraditi
the other parent of your children.
and quirky thing.
i neobična stvar.
to a romantic, loving heart
decision of our life.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
George Blair-West - PsychiatristDr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry.
Why you should listen
Dr. George Blair-West specializes in psychiatry in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. He sub-specializes in trauma and relationship/sex therapy. His abiding interest is distilling the latest psychotherapeutic research, honing these insights for impactful delivery through his clinical work, and then sharing them with the greater population.
In the 1990s, as a Senior Lecturer at the University of Queensland, Blair-West published widely on suicide and depression. Needing to lose weight himself, he then turned his focus to the overlooked research into the psychological forces that prevent weight loss. The bestselling book Weight Loss for Food Lovers: Understanding Our Minds and Why We Sabotage Our Weight Loss (translated into Dutch and Chinese) along with related research papers resulted in keynote addresses, a regular spot on the Australian breakfast show Today and media appearances around the world. A children's book on teaching healthy eating habits followed, and in 2010 Blair-West was named one of the "top 20 most influential obesity experts in the world."
Blair-West's 2013 novel The Way of The Quest received three international awards and was about the "how to" of finding one's meaning and purpose in life while building healthy relationships.
Helping people make sense of relationships is Blair-West's most important work. Drawing on his 25 years as a relationship therapist, he is currently writing his fourth book, How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life with his daughter Jiveny Blair-West, a dating coach. He and his wife Penny, a psychologist, celebrated 30 years of marriage in 2018.
George Blair-West | Speaker | TED.com