George Blair-West: 3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce
George Blair-West: 3 lépés a boldog házassághoz és a válás elkerüléséhez
Dr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry. Full bio
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and Thomas Holmes developed an inventory
pszichiáterek összegyűjtötték
human experiences that we could have.
Three, marital separation.
what comes in number seven on the list,
tapasztalatra, a házasságra.
in an institution.
has been counted twice.
kétszer szerepel a listán.
pretty much equated to a marriage.
már házasságként tekintettek.
I'm going to be including
élettársi viszonyokra
common-law marriages
soon hopefully to become marriages.
melyek remélhetőleg házassággal végződnek.
with same-sex couples,
munkám alapján állíthatom,
to talk about are no different.
rájuk is érvényesek.
is better than cure.
tetanus, whooping cough, measles.
tetanusz, szamárköhögés, kanyaró ellen.
for melanoma, stroke, diabetes --
cukorbetegség veszélyeire,
our current divorce rate.
a válások megelőzéséért?
our policymakers don't believe
nem hisznek abban,
and the way relationships are built
és a kapcsolatteremtés
are Generation X.
az X generáció képviselői.
about these issues,
people attract other people
egymáshoz az emberek,
analytical and skeptical generation,
és -szkeptikusabb generáció,
of any generation before them.
tudatosabb döntéseket hoz.
I get a very different reaction.
teljesen más a reakciójuk.
have relationships that last?
tartós kapcsolatokat.
the post- "romantic destiny" era with me,
a 'poszt-romantikus sors' korát,
for preventing divorce.
a válás megelőzésére.
to prevent divorce at two points:
in an established relationship;
kapcsolat kezd tönkremenni,
before we have children.
és gyermeket vállalnánk.
on their devices a day.
7 órát tölt valamilyen eszközén.
nem megalapozatlanul –,
their face-to-face relationships.
the hookup culture,
az egyéjszakás kalandok kultúráját,
mint a Tinder,
the 20-somethings that I work with
akikkel együtt dolgozom,
how it is often easier for them
valakivel, akivel épp találkoztak,
of the institution of marriage.
and get all moral on me,
in the American Public Report,
Összefoglalók szerint
házasság előtti kapcsolatot.
these relationships are happening later.
hogy a házasság későbbre került.
at an average age for women of 20
the older you are when you get married,
idősebben házasodnak,
the other two preventers of divorce
to go with tertiary education.
amely kéz a kézben jár az előzővel.
kind of get mixed up together.
valahogy összekeveredik.
until at least the age of 25.
25 éves életkorig növekszik.
and what you're thinking
és gondolatvilágunk
to my mind, is personality.
a legfontosabb: a személyiség.
your personality at the age of 50.
az 50 éves személyiségünkkel.
your personality at the age of 50.
az 50 éves személyiségünkkel.
házasodott, hogy miért szakítottak,
who got married young why they broke up,
"Eltávolodtunk egymástól",
of rapid change and maturation.
gyors változás és érés jellemzi.
before you get married is older.
először meg kell érjünk.
and relationship researcher,
és párkapcsolati kutató
with a happy, successful marriage.
összefüggő elvekről ír.
self-destruct, if this problem is present.
leépül, ha ez a probléma jelen van.
to talk about it here
you can evaluate while you're dating.
that were the most stable and happy
és legstabilabb házasságok,
the couple shared power.
overseas trips, buying a car,
külföldi utak, autóvásárlás,
drilled down on this data,
beleásta magát az adataiba,
were generally pretty influenceable.
elég könnyen befolyásolhatók.
two options here, isn't there?
lehet okolni érte.
befolyásolható a férjük?
mert tisztelitek a feleségeteket.
in the decision-making process.
a döntéshozatal idején is.
why couples come in to see me
után keresnek fel.
for 30 or 40 years.
the infirmities and illness of old age.
és betegségei közelednek.
focused on caring for each other.
sokat törődnek egymással.
that have bugged them for years.
gyötrődést okozó dolgokat.
even infidelities,
még a hűtlenséget is,
hogy egymással törődjenek.
on caring for each other.
for this is reliability,
to do what they say they're going to do?
hogy a partnerük azt teszi, amit mond.
verbally attacked by somebody,
a really disabling illness,
and do what needs to be done
és teszi-e a dolgát,
cared for and protected?
és megvédelmezik?
isn't doing that for you --
to do that for them --
kapcsolatban úgy tűnhet,
be better off out of it rather than in it.
when it really matters?
amikor a leginkább szükség van rá?
nem az esetek 80 százalékában,
a legfontosabb.
commit to do something for your partner.
elköteleződnek valami mellett.
as much as you can follow through
amit meg is tudnak tenni,
sound-good-in-the-moment
to your partner, and you commit to it,
és elköteleződnek mellette,
and high water to follow through.
mozgassanak meg az ügy érdekében.
that I'm saying you can look for.
things that can be built
is fel lehet építeni őket.
kivel élik le az életüket,
the other parent of your children.
is szerepe van.
and quirky thing.
gyönyörű és mókás dolog.
to a romantic, loving heart
is kell társulnia,
decision of our life.
döntését hozzuk meg.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
George Blair-West - PsychiatristDr. George Blair-West is an author, researcher and doctor specializing in psychiatry.
Why you should listen
Dr. George Blair-West specializes in psychiatry in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. He sub-specializes in trauma and relationship/sex therapy. His abiding interest is distilling the latest psychotherapeutic research, honing these insights for impactful delivery through his clinical work, and then sharing them with the greater population.
In the 1990s, as a Senior Lecturer at the University of Queensland, Blair-West published widely on suicide and depression. Needing to lose weight himself, he then turned his focus to the overlooked research into the psychological forces that prevent weight loss. The bestselling book Weight Loss for Food Lovers: Understanding Our Minds and Why We Sabotage Our Weight Loss (translated into Dutch and Chinese) along with related research papers resulted in keynote addresses, a regular spot on the Australian breakfast show Today and media appearances around the world. A children's book on teaching healthy eating habits followed, and in 2010 Blair-West was named one of the "top 20 most influential obesity experts in the world."
Blair-West's 2013 novel The Way of The Quest received three international awards and was about the "how to" of finding one's meaning and purpose in life while building healthy relationships.
Helping people make sense of relationships is Blair-West's most important work. Drawing on his 25 years as a relationship therapist, he is currently writing his fourth book, How to Make the Biggest Decision of Your Life with his daughter Jiveny Blair-West, a dating coach. He and his wife Penny, a psychologist, celebrated 30 years of marriage in 2018.
George Blair-West | Speaker | TED.com