TEDGlobal 2010
Maz Jobrani: Did you hear the one about the Iranian-American?
Maz Jobrani: Jeste li čuli onaj o iranskom Amerikancu?
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Jedan od osnivača komičarske turneje "Osovina zla", stand-up komičar Maz Jobrani otkriva izazove i sukobe koje proživljava kao iranski Amerikanac -- "dio mene misli kako bih morao imati nuklearni program; drugi dio mene misli kako mi se ne može vjerovati..."
Maz Jobrani - Comedian
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I was one of the founding members
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Bio sam jedan od osnivača
00:17
of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour.
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komičarske turneje "Osovina zla".
00:19
The other founding members included Ahmed Ahmed,
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drugi osnivači su bili Ahmed Ahmed,
00:22
who is an Egyptian-American,
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koji je egipatski Amerikanac,
00:24
who actually had the idea to go to the Middle East and try it out.
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koji je stvarno imao ideju da ode na Bliski istok i iskuša ovo.
00:26
Before we went out as a tour,
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Prije nego što smo krenuli na turneju,
00:28
he went out solo and did it first.
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otišao je solo i sam to učinio.
00:30
Then there was Aron Kader, who was the Palestinian-American.
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Onda tu je bio Aron Kader, koji je palestinski Amerikanac.
00:33
And then there was me, the Iranian-American of the group.
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I tu sam ja, iranski Amerikanac grupe.
00:36
Now, being Iranian-American
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Biti iranski Amerikanac
00:38
presents its own set of problems, as you know.
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predstavlja zasebni set problema, znate.
00:40
Those two countries aren't getting along these days.
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Te dvije zemlje se ovih dana baš i ne slažu.
00:42
So it causes a lot of inner conflict, you know,
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Što uzrokuje puno unutrašnjih sukoba, znate,
00:45
like part of me likes me, part of me hates me.
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poput dijelu sebe se sviđam, a drugi dio me mrzi.
00:48
Part of me thinks I should have a nuclear program,
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Dio mene misli kako bih trebao imati nuklearni program,
00:50
the other part thinks I can't be trusted with one.
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drugi dio misli, ne može mi se vjerovati.
00:53
These are dilemmas I have every day.
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To su dileme koje imam svaki dan.
00:56
But I was born in Iran; I'm now an American citizen,
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A ja sam rođen u Iranu; sada sam američki građanin,
00:58
which means I have the American passport,
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što znači kako imam američku putovnicu,
01:00
which means I can travel.
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što znači da mogu putovati.
01:03
Because if you only have the Iranian passport,
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Jer ako samo imate iransku putovnicu,
01:05
you're kind of limited to the countries you can go to
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ograničeni ste u koje zemlje možete ići
01:07
with open arms, you know --
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otvorenih ruku, znate --
01:09
Syria, Venezuela, North Korea.
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Sirija, Venecuela, Sjeverna Koreja.
01:11
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:14
So anyone who's gotten their passport in America
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Svatko tko je dobio svoju putovnicu u Americi
01:16
will tell you, when you get your passport,
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reći će vam, kada dobijete svoju putovnicu,
01:18
it still says what country you were born in.
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tamo još uvijek piše u kojoj ste zemlji rođeni.
01:20
So I remember getting my American passport.
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Sjećam se dok sam dobivao američku putovnicu.
01:22
I was like, "Woohoo! I'm going to travel."
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Mislio sam, "Vāu! Putovati ću."
01:24
And I opened it up, it said, "Born in Iran." I'm like, "Oh, come on, man."
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I otvorio sam je, i rekao, "Rođen u Iranu." Pomislih, "Ma hajde, čovječe."
01:27
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:29
"I'm trying to go places."
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"Želim ići na neka mjesta."
01:31
But what's interesting is, I've never had trouble
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Ali ono što je interesantno je, nikada nisam imao problema
01:33
traveling in any other Western countries with my American passport,
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dok sam putovao u bilo koju drugu zapadanu zemlju s mojom američkom putovnicom,
01:36
even though it says, "Born in Iran." No problems.
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premda piše, "Rođen u Iranu." Nema problema.
01:38
Where I've had some problems is some of the Arab countries,
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Imao sam nekih problema u arapskim zemljama,
01:41
because I guess some of the Arab countries aren't getting along with Iran either.
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jer se niti neke arapske zemlje ne slažu s Iranom.
01:44
And so I was in Kuwait recently,
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I tako sam nedavno bio u Kuvajtu,
01:46
doing a comedy show with some other American comedians.
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izvodili smo komediju s nekim drugim američkim komičarima.
01:48
They all went through, and then the border patrol saw my American passport.
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Svi su prošli, a onda je granična patrola vidjela moju američku putovnicu.
01:51
"Ah ha! American, great."
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"Ah ha! Amerikanac, odlično."
01:53
Then he opened it up. "Born in Iran? Wait."
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Onda ju je otvorio. "Rođen u Iranu? Čekaj."
01:55
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:57
And he started asking me questions.
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I započeo mi je postavljati pitanja.
01:59
He said, "What is your father's name?"
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Rekao je, "Koje je ime tvog oca?"
02:01
I said, "Well, he's passed away, but his name was Khosro."
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Rekao sam, "Dobro, umro je, ali njegovo ime je bilo Khosro."
02:04
He goes, "What is your grandfather's name?"
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On dalje, "Koje je ime vašeg djeda?"
02:06
I said, "He passed away a long time ago.
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Ja kažem, "On je davno umro.
02:08
His name was Jabbar."
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Njegovo ime je bilo Jabbar."
02:10
He says, "You wait. I'll be back," and he walked away.
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On kaže, "Čekajte. Vratiti ću se." i on se udalji.
02:12
And I started freaking out,
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A ja započnem ludjeti,
02:14
because I don't know what kind of crap my grandfather was into.
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jer nemam pojma u kakvim je problemima moj djed bio.
02:16
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:19
Thought the guy was going to come back and be like,
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Mislio sam kako će se čovjek vratiti i reći,
02:21
"We've been looking for you for 200 years."
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"Tražili smo vas 200 godina."
02:23
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
02:27
"Your grandfather has a parking violation. It's way overdue.
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"Vaš djed ima prekršaje za parkiranje. Davno im je prošao rok.
02:30
You owe us two billion dollars."
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Dugujete nam dvije milijarde dolara."
02:34
But as you can see, when I talk,
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Ali kao što možete vidjeti, dok pričam,
02:36
I speak with an American accent, which you would think
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pričam američkim naglaskom, za kojeg biste pomislili
02:38
as an Iranian-American actor,
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da sam iransko-američki glumac,
02:40
I should be able to play any part, good, bad, what have you.
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trebao bih biti sposoban igrati bilo koju ulogu, dobru, lošu, koju god imate.
02:43
But a lot of times in Hollywood,
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Ali puno puta u Hollywoodu,
02:45
when casting directors find out you're of Middle Eastern descent,
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kada bi menadžer koji radi selekciju za uloge saznao za moje bliskoistočno porijeklo
02:47
they go, "Oh, you're Iranian. Great.
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rekao bi, "O, Vi ste Iranac. Sjajno.
02:49
Can you say 'I will kill you in the name of Allah?'"
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Možete li mi reći: 'Ubit ću vas u Allahovo ime?'"
02:52
"I could say that, but what if I were to say,
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"Mogu to reći, ali što ako mogu reći,
02:54
'Hello. I'm your doctor?'"
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'Zdravo. Ja sam vaš doktor.'"
02:56
They go, "Great. And then you hijack the hospital."
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Oni kažu, "Sjajno. I onda napadnete bolnicu."
02:59
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:04
Like I think you're missing the point here.
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Mislim kako ste krivo shvatili što sam htio reći.
03:07
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind playing bad guys.
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Nemojte me krivo shvatiti, ne smeta mi glumiti loše momke.
03:09
I want to play a bad guy. I want to rob a bank.
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Želim glumiti loše momke. Želim opljačkati banku.
03:11
I want to rob a bank in a film. I want to rob a bank in a film,
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Želim opljačkati banku u filmu. Želim opljačkati banku u filmu,
03:13
but do it with a gun, with a gun, not with a bomb strapped around me, right.
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ali želim to napraviti s pištoljem, s pištoljem, a ne bombom povezanom oko mene.
03:16
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:18
Because I imagine the director: "Maz, I think your character
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Jer zamišljam režisera: "Maz, mislim kako tvoj lik
03:20
would rob the bank with a bomb around him."
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želi opljačkati banku bombom opasanom oko sebe."
03:23
"Why would I do that?
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"Zašto bih to želio?
03:25
If I want the money, why would I kill myself?"
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Ako želim novac, zašto bih se ubio?"
03:28
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:30
Right.
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Točno.
03:32
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
03:35
"Gimme all your money, or I'll blow myself up."
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"Dajte mi sav svoj novac, ili ću se raznijeti."
03:38
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:42
"Well, then blow yourself up.
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"Dobro, onda se raznesi.
03:44
Just do it outside, please."
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Samo to napravi vani, molim te."
03:46
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:50
But the fact is, there's good people everywhere.
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Ali činjenica je, kako postoje dobri ljudi svugdje.
03:52
That's what I try and show in my stand-up. There's good people everywhere.
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To je ono što pokušavam pokazati u svojim stand-up nastupima. Postoje dobri ljudi svugdje.
03:54
All it takes in one person to mess it up.
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Dovoljno je da samo jedna osoba sve zabrlja.
03:56
Like a couple months ago in Times Square in New York,
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Poput onoga prije nekoliko mjeseci na Times Square-u u New York-u,
03:59
there was this Pakistani Muslim guy who tried to blow up a car bomb.
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tamo je bio pakistanski Musliman koji je htio aktivirati bombu u automobilu.
04:02
Now, I happened to be in Times Square that night
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Dogodilo se da sam i ja bio na Times Square-u te noći
04:04
doing a comedy show.
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i izvodio komediju.
04:06
And a few months before that, there was a white American guy in Austin, Texas
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A nekoliko mjeseci prije toga, dogodilo se nešto s bijelim Amerikancem u Austin-u, Teksas
04:09
who flew his airplane into the IRS building,
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koji se zaletio svojim zrakoplovom u zgradu porezne uprave,
04:12
and I happened to be in Austin that day
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a ja sam slučajno bio u Austinu tog dana
04:15
doing a stand-up comedy show.
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i izvodio stand-up komediju.
04:17
Now I'll tell you, as a Middle Eastern male,
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Sada ću vam reći, kao muškarac s Bliskog istoka,
04:19
when you show up around a lot of these activities,
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kada se pojaviš u blizini toliko puno aktivnosti,
04:22
you start feeling guilty at one point.
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počinješ osjećati krivnju u određenom trenutku.
04:24
I was watching the news. I'm like, "Am I involved in this crap?"
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Gledao sam vijesti. I rekao, "Jesam li ja uključen u ove gluposti?"
04:27
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:33
"I didn't get the memo. What's going on?"
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"Nisam dobio bilješke. Što se događa?"
04:35
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:37
But what was interesting was, the Pakistani Muslim guy --
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Ali ono što je bilo interesantno bio je pakistanski musliman --
04:39
see he gives a bad name to Muslims
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vidite on je kriv za lošu reputaciju muslimana
04:41
and Middle Easterners and Pakistanis from all over the world.
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i bliskoistočnjaka i Pakistanaca širom svijeta.
04:44
And one thing that happened there was also the Pakistani Taliban
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I jedna stvar koja se dogodila jest da je tamo bio pakistanski taliban
04:47
took credit for that failed car bombing.
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koji je preuzeo odgovornost za propalu auto bombu.
04:50
My question is: why would you take credit
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Moje pitanje je: zašto bi netko htio preuzeti odgovornost
04:52
for a failed car bombing?
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za propalu autobombu?
04:54
"We just wanted to say
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"Želimo samo reći
04:56
we tried."
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kako smo probali."
04:58
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
05:02
"And furthermore,
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"I nadalje,
05:04
it is the thought that counts."
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to je misao koja se broji."
05:06
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
05:08
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
05:15
"And in conclusion, win some, lose some."
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"I u konačnici, nešto dobijete, nešto izgubite."
05:17
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
05:19
But what happened was, when the white guy flew his plane into the building,
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Ali ono što se dogodilo, kada se bijelac svojim avionom zabio u zgradu,
05:22
I know all my Middle Eastern and Muslim friends in the States
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znam kako su svi moji bliskoistočni i muslimanski prijatelji u Državama
05:24
were watching TV, going, "Please, don't be Middle Eastern.
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gledali TV i rekli, "Molim te da ne bude netko s Bliskog Istoka.
05:26
Don't be Hassan. Don't be Hussein."
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Da ne bude Hassan. Da ne bude Hussein."
05:29
And the name came out Jack. I'm like, "Woooo!
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I kada je ime Jack izašlo u javnost. Ja sam regairao, "Vāu!
05:32
That's not one of us."
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Nije jedan od nas."
05:34
But I kept watching the news in case they came back,
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Ali sam nastavio gledati vijest u slučaju da se vrate,
05:36
they were like, "Before he did it, he converted to Islam."
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i objave, "Prije nego što je to napravio, preobratio se na Islam."
05:38
"Damn it! Why Jack? Why?"
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"Dovraga! Zašto Jack? Zašto?"
05:43
But the fact is, I've been lucky
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Ali činjenica je, bio sam sretan
05:45
to get a chance to perform all over the world,
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dobiti priliku izvesti ovo širom svijeta,
05:47
and I did a lot of shows in the Middle East.
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a imao sam i puno prilika na Bliskom Istoku.
05:49
I just did a seven-country solo tour.
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Upravo sam se vratio sa solo turneje po sedam zemalja.
05:51
I was in Oman, and I was in Saudi Arabia.
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Bio sam u Omanu, bio sam u Saudijskoj Arabiji.
05:53
I was in Dubai.
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Bio sam u Dubaiju.
05:55
And it's great, there's good people everywhere.
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I sjajno je, postoje dobri ljudi svugdje.
05:57
And you learn great things about these places.
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I naučite sjajne stvari o tim mjestima.
05:59
I encourage people always to go visit these places.
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Uvijek ohrabrujem ljude da odu i vide ta mjesta.
06:01
For example, Dubai -- cool place.
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na primjer, Dubai -- fora mjesto.
06:03
They're obsessed with having the biggest, tallest, longest, as we all know.
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Opsjednuti su s posjedovanjem najvećeg, najvišeg, najdužeg, kao što svi znamo.
06:06
They have a mall there, the Dubai Mall.
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Imaju trgovački centar, Dubai Mall.
06:08
It is so big, they have taxis in the mall.
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Toliko je velik da imaju taksije u centru.
06:11
I was walking. I heard "Beep, beep."
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Tako sam hodao i čuo, "Bip, bip."
06:13
I'm like, "What are you doing here?"
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Pomislih, "Što radiš ovdje?"
06:15
He goes, "I'm going to the Zara store. It's three miles away.
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A on, "Idem u Zarin dućan. To je oko 5.5 km odavde.
06:17
Out of my way. Out of my way. Out of my way."
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Makni se s puta. Makni se s puta. Makni se s puta."
06:22
And what's crazy -- there's a recession going on, even in Dubai,
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I ono što je ludo -- tamo vlada recesija, čak i u Dubaiju,
06:24
but you wouldn't know by the prices.
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ali nikada ne biste rekli po cijenama.
06:26
Like in the Dubai Mall,
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Poput onih u Dubai Mallu,
06:28
they sell frozen yogurt by the gram.
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prodaju zamrznuti jogurt po gramu.
06:31
It's like a drug deal.
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Kao da kupujete drogu.
06:33
I was walking by. The guy goes, "Psst. Habibi, my friend."
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Hodao sam. I jedan tip mi kaže, "Pssst. Dragi prijatelju."
06:36
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:38
"You want some frozen yogurt?
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"Želiš li smrznuti jogurt?
06:41
Come here. Come here. Come here.
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Dođi ovdje. Dođi ovdje. Dođi ovdje.
06:43
I have one gram, five gram, 10 gram. How many gram do you want?"
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Imam po gram, pet grama, deset grama. Koliko grama želiš?"
06:46
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:48
I bought five grams. 10 dollars. 10 dollars! I said, "What's in this?"
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Kupio sam pet grama. 10 dolara. 10 dolara! Rekao sam, "Što je unutra?"
06:51
He's like, "Good stuff, man. Columbian. Top of the line. Top of the line."
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a on, "Dobra stvar, čovječe. Kolumbijski. Najbolji. Najbolji."
06:54
The other thing you learn sometimes
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Druga stvar koju naučiš ponekad
06:56
when you travel to these countries in the Middle East,
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kada putuješ u te zemlje na Bliskom Istoku,
06:58
sometimes in Latin American countries, South American countries --
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ili ponekad u zemlje Latinske Amerike, zemlje Južne Amerike --
07:00
a lot of times when they build stuff,
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puno puta kada grade stvari,
07:02
there's no rules and regulations.
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ne postoje pravila i zakoni.
07:04
For example, I took my two year-old son to the playground at the Dubai Mall.
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Na primjer, poveo sam svog dvogodišnjeg sina na igralište u Dubai Mallu.
07:07
And I've taken my two year-old son to playgrounds all over the United States.
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I vodio sam svog dvogodišnjeg sina na igrališta širom Sjedinjenih Država.
07:10
And when you put your two year-old on a slide in the United States,
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I kada stavite svog dvogodišnjaka na tobogan u Sjedinjenim Državama,
07:13
they put something on the slide
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oni stave nešto na tobogan
07:16
to slow the kid down as he comes down the slide.
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kako bi usporili djecu dok se spuštaju.
07:19
Not in the Middle East.
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Ne na Srednjem Istoku.
07:21
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
07:23
I put my two year-old on the slide; he went frrmrmm! He took off.
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Stavim svog dvogodišnjaka na tobogam i vūš! On odleti.
07:26
I went down. I go, "Where's my son?"
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Odem dole i pitam, "Gdje je moj sin?"
07:28
"On the third floor, sir. On the third floor."
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"Na trećem katu gospodine. Na trećem katu."
07:30
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
07:33
"You take a taxi. You go to Zara. Make a left."
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"Uzmete taksi. Odete do Zare. Skrenete lijevo."
07:35
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
07:38
"Try the yogurt. It's very good. Little expensive."
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"Probajte jogurt. Jako je dobar. Malo skup."
07:42
But one of the things I try to do with my stand-up is to break stereotypes.
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Ali jedna od stvari koje pokušavam raditi s mojim stand-up nastupima je da razbijam stereotipove.
07:45
And I've been guilty of stereotyping as well.
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A ja sam također kriv za stvaranje stereotipova.
07:47
I was in Dubai. And there's a lot of Indians who work in Dubai.
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Bio sam u Dubaiju. I tamo ima jako puno Indijaca koji rade.
07:50
And they don't get paid that well.
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I ne plaćaju ih dobro.
07:52
And I got it in my head that all the Indians there must be workers.
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I zamislio sam si kako mora da su svi Indijci tamo radnici.
07:54
And I forgot there's obviously successful Indians in Dubai as well.
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I zaboravio sam kako očito postoje i uspješni Indijci u Dubaiju.
07:57
I was doing a show,
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Tako sam imao nastup,
07:59
and they said, "We're going to send a driver to pick you up."
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i rekli su mi, "Poslat ćemo vozača da vas pokupi."
08:01
So I went down to the lobby, and I saw this Indian guy.
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Spustio sam se u lobi i vidio tog Indijca.
08:03
I go, "He's got to be my driver."
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I pomislih, "Mora da je to moj vozač."
08:05
Because he was standing there in like a cheap suit, thin mustache, staring at me.
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Jer je stajao tamo u jeftinom odjelu, tankih brkova i buljio u mene.
08:08
So I went over, "Excuse me, sir, are you my driver?"
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I odem do njega, "Oprostite gospodine, jeste li Vi moj vozač?"
08:10
He goes, "No, sir. I own the hotel."
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A on, "Ne gospodine. Ja sam vlasnik hotela."
08:12
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:17
I go, "I'm sorry. Then why were you staring at me?"
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Ja mu kažem, "Žao mi je. Ali zašto onda buljite u mene?"
08:19
He goes, "I thought you were my driver."
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On mi kaže, "Ja sam mislio da ste Vi moj vozač."
08:21
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
08:32
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:35
I'll leave you guys with this: I try, with my stand-up, to break stereotypes,
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Ostaviti ću vas s ovime: ja pokušavam, svojim stand-up nastupima razbijati stereotipove,
08:38
present Middle Easterners in a positive light -- Muslims in a positive light --
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predstavljati bliskoistočnjake u pozitivnom svjetlu --muslimane u pozitivnom svjetlu --
08:40
and I hope that in the coming years,
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i nadam se da će u godinama koje dolaze,
08:43
more film and television programs come out of Hollywood
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biti sve više filmova i televizijskih programa iz Hoolywooda
08:45
presenting us in a positive light.
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koji nas predstavljaju u pozitivnom svjetlu.
08:48
Who knows, maybe one day we'll even have our own James Bond, right.
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Tko zna, možda ćemo jednog dana i mi imati svog James Bonda.
08:51
"My name is Bond, Jamal Bond."
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"Moje ime je Bond, Jamal Bond."
08:53
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:55
Til then, I'll keep telling jokes. I hope you keep laughing.
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Do tada, i dalje ću pričati šale. Nadam se da ćete vi i dalje smijati.
08:57
Have a good day. Thank you.
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Želim vam dobar dan. Hvala vam.
08:59
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Maz Jobrani - ComedianA founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier.
Why you should listen
Maz Jobrani is an actor and comedian who starred on the Axis of Evil Middle East Comedy Tour, a groundbreaking tour of the US and Middle Eastern countries, where it sold out 27 shows in Dubai, Beirut, Cairo, Kuwait and Amman. The Axis of Evil Comedy Central Special premiered in 2007 as, arguably, the first show on American TV with an all-Middle Eastern/American cast. In 2009 Jobrani performed in his first solo world tour, called Maz Jobrani: Brown and Friendly, and is currently following up this tour with a second, titled Browner and Friendlier.
Jobrani's comedy pulls from his background as an Iran-born kid raised in Northern California. He pokes fun at cultural stereotypes of all kinds -- starting with the stereotype that Middle Eastern actors can only play a few kinds of roles in Hollywood. He's been working to develop rich characters in a variety of TV shows and films. His next project: Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero, described as a cross between a Middle Eastern Pink Panther and Bend It Like Beckham.
Maz Jobrani | Speaker | TED.com