TEDxParis 2012
Yann Dall'Aglio: Love -- you're doing it wrong
Jan Dalaljo (Yann Dall'Aglio): Ljubav - ne radite to dobro
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U ovom divnom govoru, filozof Jan Dalaljo istražuje univerzalnu potragu za nežnošću i povezanošću u svetu koji je konstantno fokusiran na individualno. Izgleda da je lakše nego što ste mislili. Mudro i duhovito razmišljanje o stanju ljubavi u modernom vremenu. (Snimljeno na TEDxParis)
Yann Dall'Aglio - Philosopher
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What is love?
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Šta je ljubav?
00:15
It's a hard term to define
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To je pojam koji je teško definisati,
00:17
in so far as it has a very wide application.
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tim pre što se veoma široko primenjuje.
00:21
I can love jogging.
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Mogu da volim trčanje.
00:23
I can love a book, a movie.
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Mogu da volim knjigu, film.
00:25
I can love escalopes.
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Mogu da volim šniclu.
00:28
I can love my wife.
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Mogu da volim svoju ženu.
00:30
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:35
But there's a great difference
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Ali postoji velika razlika
00:38
between an escalope and my wife, for instance.
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između šnicle i moje žene, na primer.
00:43
That is, if I value the escalope,
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To jest, ako cenim šniclu,
00:46
the escalope, on the other hand,
it doesn't value me back.
it doesn't value me back.
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ona mi, s druge strane, to ne uzvraća.
00:53
Whereas my wife, she calls me
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Dok me moja žena zove
00:56
the star of her life.
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zvezdom svog života.
00:58
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:00
Therefore, only another desiring conscience
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Samo druga osoba koja želi
01:02
can conceive me as a desirable being.
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može me smatrati željenim bićem.
01:05
I know this, that's why
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Ja to znam, i zato
01:07
love can be defined in a more accurate way
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se ljubav može preciznije definisati
01:09
as the desire of being desired.
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kao želja da budete željeni.
01:14
Hence the eternal problem of love:
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Dakle, večiti problem ljubavi:
01:16
how to become and remain desirable?
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kako postati i ostati željen?
01:22
The individual used to find
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Ranije je čovek tražio
01:26
an answer to this problem
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odgovor na ovaj problem
01:28
by submitting his life to community rules.
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tako što je podređivao svoj život
pravilima zajednice.
pravilima zajednice.
01:31
You had a specific part to play
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Trebalo je da odigrate specifičnu ulogu
01:33
according to your sex, your age,
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u skladu sa svojim polom, uzrastom,
01:36
your social status,
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društvenim statusom
01:37
and you only had to play your part
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i samo je trebalo da odigrate svoju ulogu
01:39
to be valued and loved by the whole community.
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pa da vas ceni i voli cela zajednica.
01:44
Think about the young woman
who must remain chaste before marriage.
who must remain chaste before marriage.
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Pomislite na mladu ženu koja
treba da ostane čedna pre braka.
treba da ostane čedna pre braka.
01:47
Think about the youngest son
who must obey the eldest son,
who must obey the eldest son,
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Pomislite na najmlađeg sina
koji mora da sluša najstarijeg,
koji mora da sluša najstarijeg,
01:52
who in turn must obey the patriarch.
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koji, pak, mora da sluša oca.
01:57
But a phenomenon
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Ali postoji jedan fenomen
02:02
started in the 13th century,
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koji se pojavio u 13. veku,
02:05
mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,
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pre svega tokom renesanse, na zapadu
02:09
that caused the biggest identity crisis
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koji je prouzrokovao
najveću krizu identiteta
najveću krizu identiteta
02:12
in the history of humankind.
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u istoriji čovečanstva.
02:15
This phenomenon is modernity.
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Ovaj fenomen je modernost.
02:17
We can basically summarize it
through a triple process.
through a triple process.
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Možemo da ga sažmemo
pomoću trostrukog procesa.
pomoću trostrukog procesa.
02:20
First, a process of rationalization
of scientific research,
of scientific research,
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Prvo, proces racionalizacije
naučnog istraživanja,
naučnog istraživanja,
02:26
which has accelerated technical progress.
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koji je ubrzao tehnički napredak.
02:28
Next, a process of political democratization,
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Zatim, proces političke demokratizacije
02:33
which has fostered individual rights.
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koji je izrodio prava pojedinca.
02:36
And finally, a process of rationalization
of economic production
of economic production
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I konačno, proces racionalizacije
ekonomske proizvodnje
ekonomske proizvodnje
02:40
and of trade liberalization.
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i liberalizacije trgovine.
02:43
These three intertwined processes
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Ova tri procesa koja se prepliću
02:46
have completely annihilated
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potpuno su uništila
02:49
all the traditional bearings of Western societies,
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sve tradicionalne odnose
zapadnih društava,
zapadnih društava,
02:53
with radical consequences for the individual.
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sa radikalnim posledicama za pojedinca.
02:55
Now individuals are free
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Sada su pojedinci slobodni
02:58
to value or disvalue
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da cene ili ne cene
03:01
any attitude, any choice, any object.
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bilo koji stav, bilo koji izbor,
bilo koju stvar.
bilo koju stvar.
03:06
But as a result, they are themselves confronted
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Ali, kao rezultat toga, oni se suočavaju
03:12
with this same freedom that others have
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sa istom slobodom drugih
03:14
to value or disvalue them.
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da cene ili ne cene njih.
03:18
In other words, my value was once ensured
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Drugim rečima, moja vrednost
je nekada bila osigurana
je nekada bila osigurana
03:24
by submitting myself
to the traditional authorities.
to the traditional authorities.
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mojim potčinjavanjem
tradicionalnim autoritetima.
tradicionalnim autoritetima.
03:28
Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.
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A sada se nalazi na berzi.
03:33
On the free market of individual desires,
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Na slobodnom tržištu individualnih želja,
03:38
I negotiate my value every day.
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cenjkam se za svoju vrednost svakodnevno.
03:42
Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.
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Otuda anksioznost savremenog čoveka.
03:44
He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?
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On je opsednut:
"Da li sam željen? Koliko željen?
"Da li sam željen? Koliko željen?
03:48
How many people are going to love me?"
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Koliko ljudi će me voleti?"
03:51
And how does he respond to this anxiety?
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I kako odgovara na ovu anksioznost?
03:54
Well, by hysterically collecting
symbols of desirability.
symbols of desirability.
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Pa, histerično sakupljajući
simbole poželjnosti.
simbole poželjnosti.
04:04
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:07
I call this act of collecting,
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Ovo nazivam činom sakupljanja
04:09
along with others, seduction capital.
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zavodničkog kapitala.
04:13
Indeed, our consumer society
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Zaista, naše potrošačko društvo
04:15
is largely based on seduction capital.
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je u velikoj meri bazirano
na zavodničkom kapitalu.
na zavodničkom kapitalu.
04:20
It is said about this consumption
that our age is materialistic.
that our age is materialistic.
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Kaže se, zbog ove potrošnje,
da je naše doba materijalističko.
da je naše doba materijalističko.
04:24
But it's not true! We only accumulate objects
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Ali to nije tačno! Mi samo
gomilamo predmete
gomilamo predmete
04:28
in order to communicate with other minds.
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da bismo komunicirali s drugim umovima.
04:31
We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.
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Radimo to da bismo ih naterali
da nas vole, da bismo ih zaveli.
da nas vole, da bismo ih zaveli.
04:36
Nothing could be less materialistic,
or more sentimental,
or more sentimental,
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Ništa nije manje materijalistično
ili sentimentalnije
ili sentimentalnije
04:40
than a teenager buying brand new jeans
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od tinejdžera koji kupuje nove farmerke
04:44
and tearing them at the knees,
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i spušta ih do kolena
04:47
because he wants to please Jennifer.
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zato što hoće da udovolji Dženifer.
04:49
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:51
Consumerism is not materialism.
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Konzumerizam nije materijalizam.
04:55
It is rather what is swallowed up
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To je pre, ono što se guta
04:57
and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,
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i žrtvuje u ime boga ljubavi
05:00
or rather in the name of seduction capital.
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ili pre, u ime zavodničkog kapitala.
05:04
In light of this observation on contemporary love,
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U svetlu ovog zapažanja
o savremenoj ljubavi,
o savremenoj ljubavi,
05:10
how can we think of love in the years to come?
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kako možemo da zamislimo ljubav
u godinama koje dolaze?
u godinama koje dolaze?
05:13
We can envision two hypotheses:
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Možemo predvideti dve hipoteze:
05:15
The first one consists of betting
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prva se sastoji u predviđanju
05:18
that this process of narcissistic
capitalization will intensify.
capitalization will intensify.
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da će se ovaj proces
narcističkog kapitalizma pojačati.
narcističkog kapitalizma pojačati.
05:24
It is hard to say what shape
this intensification will take,
this intensification will take,
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Teško je reći koji će
oblik imati ovo pojačavanje
oblik imati ovo pojačavanje
05:28
because it largely depends
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jer to umnogome zavisi
05:29
on social and technical innovations,
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od društvenih i tehničkih inovacija
05:32
which are by definition difficult to predict.
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koje je, po definiciji, teško predvideti.
05:37
But we can, for instance,
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Ali možemo, na primer,
05:39
imagine a dating website
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zamisliti sajt za upoznavanje
05:43
which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,
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koji, pomalo kao oni programi
sa poenima za lojalnost,
sa poenima za lojalnost,
05:47
uses seduction capital points
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koriste poene za zavodnički kapital
05:50
that vary according to my age,
my height/weight ratio,
my height/weight ratio,
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koji variraju u skladu sa
mojim godinama, proporcijama,
mojim godinama, proporcijama,
05:54
my degree, my salary,
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stručnom spremom, platom
05:57
or the number of clicks on my profile.
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ili brojem klikova na mom profilu.
06:01
We can also imagine
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Možemo takođe da zamislimo
06:05
a chemical treatment for breakups
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i lekove za raskide
06:08
that weakens the feelings of attachment.
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koji slabe osećaj vezanosti.
06:12
By the way, there's a program on MTV already
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Uzgred, na MTV-u već postoji emisija
06:16
in which seduction teachers
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u kojoj učitelji zavođenja
06:20
treat heartache as a disease.
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tretiraju tugu kao bolest.
06:24
These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."
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Ovi učitelji sebe nazivaju
"pick-up artists".
"pick-up artists".
06:28
"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."
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"Artist" je lako, znači "umetnik".
06:31
"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,
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"Pick-up" je "pokupiti nekog",
06:34
but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.
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ali ne bilo koga, već devojke.
06:36
So they are artists of picking up chicks.
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Tako da su oni umetnici
kupljenja devojaka.
kupljenja devojaka.
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:42
And they call heartache "one-itis."
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A tugu zovu "uanitis" ("one-itis").
06:47
In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.
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Na engleskom, "itis" je sufiks
koji označava infekciju.
koji označava infekciju.
06:50
One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."
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Uanitis može da se prevede kao
"infekcija od jedne osobe".
"infekcija od jedne osobe".
06:55
It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,
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Malo je odvratno. Za umetnike muvanja,
06:59
falling in love with someone
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zaljubiti se u nekoga
07:02
is a waste of time,
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je gubljenje vremena,
07:04
it's squandering your seduction capital,
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traćenje vašeg zavodničkog kapitala,
07:06
so it must be eliminated
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i zato mora da se eliminiše
07:08
like a disease, like an infection.
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kao zaraza, kao infekcija.
07:11
We can also envision
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Takođe možemo predvideti
07:15
a romantic use of the genome.
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romantičnu upotrebu genoma.
07:18
Everyone would carry it around
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Svi bi ga nosili sa sobom
07:22
and present it like a business card
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i pokazivali kao vizit kartu
07:25
to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.
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da provere da li sa zavođenja može
da se pređe na reprodukciju.
da se pređe na reprodukciju.
07:30
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
07:34
Of course, this race for seduction,
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Naravno, ova trka za zavođenjem,
07:39
like every fierce competition,
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kao i svako ljuto nadmetanje,
07:41
will create huge disparities
in narcissistic satisfaction,
in narcissistic satisfaction,
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će napraviti ogromnu nejednakost
u narcističkom zadovoljstvu
u narcističkom zadovoljstvu
07:46
and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.
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i prema tome, mnogo
usamljenosti i frustracije takođe.
usamljenosti i frustracije takođe.
07:50
So we can expect that modernity itself,
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Tako da možemo očekivati
da će sama modernost,
da će sama modernost,
07:53
which is the origin of seduction capital,
would be called into question.
would be called into question.
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koja je izvor zavodničkog kapitala,
biti dovedena u pitanje.
biti dovedena u pitanje.
07:57
I'm thinking particularly of the reaction
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Mislim posebno na reakciju
08:00
of neo-fascist or religious communes.
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neofašista ili religijskih zajednica.
08:05
But such a future doesn't have to be.
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Ali takva budućnost ne mora da se ostvari.
08:10
Another path to thinking about love may be possible.
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Možda je moguć drugi put
za razmišljanje o ljubavi.
za razmišljanje o ljubavi.
08:16
But how?
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Ali kakav?
08:18
How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?
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Kako se odreći histerične potrebe
da se bude vrednovan?
da se bude vrednovan?
08:22
Well, by becoming aware
of my uselessness.
of my uselessness.
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Pa, postati svestan moje bezvrednosti.
08:26
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:28
Yes,
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Da,
08:29
I'm useless.
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ja sam bezvredan.
08:32
But rest assured:
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Ali ne brinite:
08:33
so are you.
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i vi ste.
08:35
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:37
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
08:41
We are all useless.
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Mi smo bezvredni.
08:45
This uselessness is easily demonstrated,
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Bezvrednost se lako demonstrira,
08:48
because in order to be valued
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jer da bih bio vrednovan,
08:52
I need another to desire me,
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treba mi drugi da me želi,
08:55
which shows that I do not have any value of my own.
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što pokazuje da nemam sopstvenu vrednost.
08:57
I don't have any inherent value.
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Ja nemam nikakvu inherentnu vrednost.
Svi se pretvaramo da imamo idola;
09:02
We all pretend to have an idol;
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09:05
we all pretend to be an idol for
someone else, but actually
someone else, but actually
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pretvaramo se da smo idoli
za nekog drugog, ali u stvari
za nekog drugog, ali u stvari
09:08
we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street
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svi smo prevaranti,
pomalo kao čovek na ulici
pomalo kao čovek na ulici
09:11
who appears totally cool and indifferent,
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koji izgleda potpuno
hladno i indiferentno,
hladno i indiferentno,
09:14
while he has actually anticipated and calculated
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dok je u stvari predvideo i proračunao
09:17
so that all eyes are on him.
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tako da sve oči budu uprte u njega.
09:21
I think that becoming aware
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Mislim da bi svest
09:23
of this general imposture
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o ovoj opštoj obmani
09:25
that concerns all of us
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koja se tiče svih nas
09:26
would ease our love relationships.
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olakšala naše ljubavne veze.
09:28
It is because I want to be loved
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To je zato što želim da budem voljen
09:30
from head to toe,
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od glave do pete,
09:32
justified in my every choice,
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opravdavajući u svakom svom izboru
09:34
that the seduction hysteria exists.
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da histerija zavođenja postoji.
09:37
And therefore I want to seem perfect
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I zato želim da izgledam savršen
09:39
so that another can love me.
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da bi me drugi voleo.
09:40
I want them to be perfect
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Hocu da oni budu savršeni
09:42
so that I can be reassured of my value.
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da bih bio uveren u svoju vrednost.
09:44
It leads to couples
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To dovodi do parova
09:47
obsessed with performance
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opsednutih učinkom,
09:49
who will break up, just like that,
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koji će lako raskinuti
09:51
at the slightest underachievement.
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zbog najmanjeg neuspeha.
09:54
In contrast to this attitude,
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Kao suprotnost ovom stavu
09:58
I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.
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predlažem nežnost - ljubav kao nežnost.
10:00
What is tenderness?
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Šta je nežnost?
10:02
To be tender is to accept
the loved one's weaknesses.
the loved one's weaknesses.
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Biti nežan znači prihvatiti
slabosti voljene osobe.
slabosti voljene osobe.
10:06
It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.
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To ne znači da treba da budete
tužan par bolničara.
tužan par bolničara.
10:09
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
10:11
That's pretty bad.
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To je prilično loše.
10:13
On the contrary,
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Naprotiv,
10:14
there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.
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ima mnogo šarma i sreće u nežnosti.
10:17
I refer specifically to a kind of humor
that is unfortunately underused.
that is unfortunately underused.
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Mislim posebno na vrstu humora
koja se, nažalost, malo koristi.
koja se, nažalost, malo koristi.
10:21
It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.
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To je neka vrsta poezije
namerne nespretnosti.
namerne nespretnosti.
10:24
I refer to self-mockery.
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Mislim na šale na sopstveni račun.
10:26
For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported
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Za par koji se više ne održava,
10:29
by the constraints of tradition,
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podržan ograničenjima tradicije,
10:31
I believe that self-mockery
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mislim da su šale na sopstveni račun
10:33
is one of the best means for
the relationship to endure.
the relationship to endure.
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jedno od najboljih sredstava
za opstanak veze.
za opstanak veze.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Yann Dall'Aglio - PhilosopherYann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love.
Why you should listen
Philosopher Yann Dall'Aglio writes about love in the digital age. His two books, A Rolex at 50: Do you have the right to miss your life?and I love you: Is love a has been? explore the challenges and triumphs in the modern era, where individualism and consumerism reign. His work is a declaration of his faith in love, a major feat for a skeptical philosopher.
Yann Dall'Aglio | Speaker | TED.com