TEDxParis 2012
Yann Dall'Aglio: Love -- you're doing it wrong
Yann Dall'Aglio: Ljubav - pristupate joj je pogrešno
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U svom prekrasnom govoru filozof Yann Dall'Aglio istražuje univerzalnu potragu za nježnošću i povezanošću u svijetu koji je sve više usmjeren na pojedinca. Kako se čini, to je jednostavnije nego što mislite. Mudar i vrckast osvrt na stanje ljubavi u moderno doba (snimljeno na TEDxPariz).
Yann Dall'Aglio - Philosopher
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Yann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What is love?
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Što je to ljubav?
00:15
It's a hard term to define
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Ljubav je teško definirati
00:17
in so far as it has a very wide application.
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jer ima vrlo široku primjenu.
00:21
I can love jogging.
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Mogu voljeti trčanje.
00:23
I can love a book, a movie.
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Mogu voljeti knjigu, film.
00:25
I can love escalopes.
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Mogu voljeti odreske.
00:28
I can love my wife.
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Mogu voljeti svoju suprugu.
00:30
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
00:35
But there's a great difference
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Ali primjerice, postoji velika razlika
00:38
between an escalope and my wife, for instance.
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između odreska i moje supruge.
00:43
That is, if I value the escalope,
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Točnije, ako ja cijenim odrezak,
00:46
the escalope, on the other hand,
it doesn't value me back.
it doesn't value me back.
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taj odrezak, s druge
strane, ne cijeni mene.
strane, ne cijeni mene.
00:53
Whereas my wife, she calls me
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Dok moja supruga mene naziva
00:56
the star of her life.
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zvijezdom njenog života.
00:58
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:00
Therefore, only another desiring conscience
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Stoga, jedino druga savjest koja žudi
01:02
can conceive me as a desirable being.
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može mene doživjeti kao poželjno biće.
01:05
I know this, that's why
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Znam to, jer je to razlog
01:07
love can be defined in a more accurate way
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zbog kojeg se ljubav
može točnije definirati
može točnije definirati
01:09
as the desire of being desired.
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kao želja za biti poželjnim.
01:14
Hence the eternal problem of love:
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Iz toga izvire i vječni problem u ljubavi:
01:16
how to become and remain desirable?
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kako postati i ostati poželjnim?
01:22
The individual used to find
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Osoba je navikla nalaziti
01:26
an answer to this problem
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rješenje za ovaj probem
01:28
by submitting his life to community rules.
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time što podvrgava
svoj život pravilima društva.
svoj život pravilima društva.
01:31
You had a specific part to play
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Igrali ste specifičnu ulogu
01:33
according to your sex, your age,
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s obzirom na spol, dob,
01:36
your social status,
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društveni status,
01:37
and you only had to play your part
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i trebali ste samo odigrati svoj dio
01:39
to be valued and loved by the whole community.
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da biste bili cijenjeni i voljeni u
cijeloj zajednici.
cijeloj zajednici.
01:44
Think about the young woman
who must remain chaste before marriage.
who must remain chaste before marriage.
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Mislite o mladoj ženi koja mora ostati
nevina prije braka.
nevina prije braka.
01:47
Think about the youngest son
who must obey the eldest son,
who must obey the eldest son,
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Razmislite o najmlađem sinu,
koji mora slušati najstarijeg sina,
koji mora slušati najstarijeg sina,
01:52
who in turn must obey the patriarch.
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koji zauzvrat mora slušati patrijarha.
01:57
But a phenomenon
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No, fenomen
02:02
started in the 13th century,
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je započet u 13. stoljeću,
02:05
mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,
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uglavnom u renesansi za zapadu,
02:09
that caused the biggest identity crisis
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koji je prouzročio najveću
krizu identiteta
krizu identiteta
02:12
in the history of humankind.
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u povijesti čovječanstva.
02:15
This phenomenon is modernity.
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Ovaj fenomen je suvremenost.
02:17
We can basically summarize it
through a triple process.
through a triple process.
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Možemo ga sumirati kroz trostruki proces.
02:20
First, a process of rationalization
of scientific research,
of scientific research,
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Prvo, proces racionalizacije znanstvenih
istraživanja,
istraživanja,
02:26
which has accelerated technical progress.
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koji je ubrzao tehnički napredak.
02:28
Next, a process of political democratization,
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Zatim, proces
političke demokratizacije,
političke demokratizacije,
02:33
which has fostered individual rights.
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koji potiče individualna prava.
02:36
And finally, a process of rationalization
of economic production
of economic production
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I na kraju, proces racionalizacije
ekonomske proizvodnje
ekonomske proizvodnje
02:40
and of trade liberalization.
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i slobodne trgovine.
02:43
These three intertwined processes
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Ova tri isprepletena procesa
02:46
have completely annihilated
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su totalno istrijebili
02:49
all the traditional bearings of Western societies,
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svo tradicionalno znamenje
zapadnih društava,
zapadnih društava,
02:53
with radical consequences for the individual.
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s radikalnim posljedicama za pojedinca.
02:55
Now individuals are free
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Sada su pojedinci slobodni
02:58
to value or disvalue
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vrednovati ili ne vrednovati
03:01
any attitude, any choice, any object.
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bilo koji stav, izbor ili objekt.
03:06
But as a result, they are themselves confronted
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No, kao rezultat, sami su suočeni s
03:12
with this same freedom that others have
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istom slobodom koju imaju i ostali
03:14
to value or disvalue them.
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da vrednuju ili ne vrednuju njih same.
03:18
In other words, my value was once ensured
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Drugim riječima, moja vrijednost je
nekoć bila osigurana
nekoć bila osigurana
03:24
by submitting myself
to the traditional authorities.
to the traditional authorities.
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podvrgavanjem tradicionalnim autoritetima.
03:28
Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.
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Sada je izlistana na burzi.
03:33
On the free market of individual desires,
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Na slobodnom tržištu želja pojedinaca,
03:38
I negotiate my value every day.
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pregovaram svaki dan o svojoj vrijednosti.
03:42
Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.
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Otuda anksioznost modernog čovjeka.
03:44
He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?
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Opsjednut je: "Jesam li poželjan?
Koliko poželjan?
Koliko poželjan?
03:48
How many people are going to love me?"
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Koliko ljudi će me voljeti?"
03:51
And how does he respond to this anxiety?
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Kako odgovara na tu anksioznost?
03:54
Well, by hysterically collecting
symbols of desirability.
symbols of desirability.
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Pa, histeričnim skupljanjem simbola
poželjnosti.
poželjnosti.
04:04
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:07
I call this act of collecting,
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Ovo zovem činom skupljanja,
04:09
along with others, seduction capital.
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zajedno s ostalim, kapitalom zavođenja.
04:13
Indeed, our consumer society
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Doista, naše potrošačko društvo
04:15
is largely based on seduction capital.
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je velikim dijelom bazirano na
kapitalu zavođenja.
kapitalu zavođenja.
04:20
It is said about this consumption
that our age is materialistic.
that our age is materialistic.
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Rečeno je u vezi te potrošnje da
je naše doba materijalističko.
je naše doba materijalističko.
04:24
But it's not true! We only accumulate objects
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No, to nije istina! Samo gomilamo objekte
04:28
in order to communicate with other minds.
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kako bismo komunicirali s drugim umovima.
04:31
We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.
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Radimo to da nas zavole, da ih zavedemo.
04:36
Nothing could be less materialistic,
or more sentimental,
or more sentimental,
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Ništa nije manje materijalističko ili
više sentimentalno,
više sentimentalno,
04:40
than a teenager buying brand new jeans
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od tinejdžera koji kupuje nove traperice
04:44
and tearing them at the knees,
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i podere ih na koljenima,
04:47
because he wants to please Jennifer.
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jer želi zadovoljiti Jennifer.
04:49
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:51
Consumerism is not materialism.
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Konzumerizam nije materijalizam.
04:55
It is rather what is swallowed up
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Više je ono što je progutano
04:57
and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,
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i žrtvovano u ime boga ljubavi,
05:00
or rather in the name of seduction capital.
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ili u ime kapitala zavođenja.
05:04
In light of this observation on contemporary love,
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U svjetlu ovih opažanja moderne ljubavi,
05:10
how can we think of love in the years to come?
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kako možemo razmišljati o ljubavi u
narednim godinama?
narednim godinama?
05:13
We can envision two hypotheses:
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Možemo zamisliti dvije hipoteze:
05:15
The first one consists of betting
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Prva se sastoji od klađenja
05:18
that this process of narcissistic
capitalization will intensify.
capitalization will intensify.
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da će se ovaj proces narcisističke
kapitalizacije pojačati.
kapitalizacije pojačati.
05:24
It is hard to say what shape
this intensification will take,
this intensification will take,
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Teško je reći koji će oblik to
pojačanje uzeti,
pojačanje uzeti,
05:28
because it largely depends
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jer uvelike ovisi
05:29
on social and technical innovations,
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o društvenim i tehničkim inovacijama,
05:32
which are by definition difficult to predict.
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koje je teško za predvidjeti
po definiciji.
po definiciji.
05:37
But we can, for instance,
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Možemo, na primjer,
05:39
imagine a dating website
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zamisliti stranicu za upoznavanje
05:43
which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,
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koja, otprilike kao bodovi za vjernost,
05:47
uses seduction capital points
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koristi bodove kapitala zavođenja
05:50
that vary according to my age,
my height/weight ratio,
my height/weight ratio,
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koji variraju prema mojoj dobi,
omjeru visine i težine,
omjeru visine i težine,
05:54
my degree, my salary,
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mojoj diplomi, mojoj plaći,
05:57
or the number of clicks on my profile.
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ili broju klikova na moj profil.
06:01
We can also imagine
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Možemo također zamisliti
06:05
a chemical treatment for breakups
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kemijski tretman za prekide
06:08
that weakens the feelings of attachment.
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koji oslabljuju osjećaje privrženosti.
06:12
By the way, there's a program on MTV already
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Usput, već postoji emisija na MTV-u
06:16
in which seduction teachers
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u kojoj učitelji zavođenja
06:20
treat heartache as a disease.
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tretiraju slomljeno srce kao bolest.
06:24
These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."
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Ti učitelji sami sebe zovu
"pick-up artistima".
"pick-up artistima".
06:28
"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."
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"Artist" je jednostavno, znači "umjetnik".
06:31
"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,
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"Pick-up" znači da pokupite nekoga,
06:34
but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.
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ali ne bilo kakvo kupljenje --
pokupite cure.
pokupite cure.
06:36
So they are artists of picking up chicks.
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Dakle oni su umjetnici kupljenja cura.
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:42
And they call heartache "one-itis."
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Bol srca zovu "one-itis".
06:47
In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.
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Na engleskom, "itis" je sufiks koji
označuje infekciju.
označuje infekciju.
06:50
One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."
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One-itis se može prevesti kao
"infekcija od nekoga".
"infekcija od nekoga".
06:55
It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,
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Malo je odvratno. Doista, za
pick-up umjetnike,
pick-up umjetnike,
06:59
falling in love with someone
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zaljubljivanje
07:02
is a waste of time,
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je gubitak vremena,
07:04
it's squandering your seduction capital,
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rasipanje kapitala zavođenja,
07:06
so it must be eliminated
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stoga mora biti eliminirana
07:08
like a disease, like an infection.
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poput bolesti ili infekcije.
07:11
We can also envision
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Također, možemo zamisliti
07:15
a romantic use of the genome.
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romantičnu upotrebu genoma.
07:18
Everyone would carry it around
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Svi bi ga nosili posvuda
07:22
and present it like a business card
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i pokazivali kao vizitku
07:25
to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.
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da potvrde može li zavođenje napredovati
u razmnožavanje.
u razmnožavanje.
07:30
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
07:34
Of course, this race for seduction,
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Naravno, ova će utrka za zavođenjem,
07:39
like every fierce competition,
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kao svako žestoko natjecanje,
07:41
will create huge disparities
in narcissistic satisfaction,
in narcissistic satisfaction,
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stvoriti ogromne razlike
u narcisističkom zadovoljstvu,
u narcisističkom zadovoljstvu,
07:46
and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.
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i stoga, također, mnogo samoće i
frustracija.
frustracija.
07:50
So we can expect that modernity itself,
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Dakle možemo očekivati da
sama suvremenost,
sama suvremenost,
07:53
which is the origin of seduction capital,
would be called into question.
would be called into question.
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koja je porijeklom kapital zavođenja,
dođe u pitanje.
dođe u pitanje.
07:57
I'm thinking particularly of the reaction
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Razmišljam naročito o reakciji
08:00
of neo-fascist or religious communes.
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neo-fašističkih ili religijskih zajednica.
08:05
But such a future doesn't have to be.
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No, budućnost ne mora biti takva.
08:10
Another path to thinking about love may be possible.
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Moguć je još jedan put
razmišljanja o ljubavi.
razmišljanja o ljubavi.
08:16
But how?
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No, kako?
08:18
How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?
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Kako se odreći histerične potrebe
da budemo vrednovani?
da budemo vrednovani?
08:22
Well, by becoming aware
of my uselessness.
of my uselessness.
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Pa, tako da postanem svjestan
svoje beskorisnosti.
svoje beskorisnosti.
08:26
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:28
Yes,
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Da,
08:29
I'm useless.
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beskoristan sam.
08:32
But rest assured:
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No budite uvjereni:
08:33
so are you.
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i vi ste.
08:35
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:37
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
08:41
We are all useless.
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Svi smo beskorisni.
08:45
This uselessness is easily demonstrated,
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Ta beskorisnost se lako demonstrira,
08:48
because in order to be valued
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jer da bih bio vrednovan
08:52
I need another to desire me,
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trebam nekoga da me želi,
08:55
which shows that I do not have any value of my own.
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što pokazuje da sam nemam nikakve
vrijednosti.
vrijednosti.
08:57
I don't have any inherent value.
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Nemam urođenu vrijednost.
09:02
We all pretend to have an idol;
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Svi se pravimo da imamo idola;
09:05
we all pretend to be an idol for
someone else, but actually
someone else, but actually
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svi se pravimo da smo nečiji idol,
no zapravo
no zapravo
09:08
we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street
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svi smo varalice, kao čovjek na ulici
09:11
who appears totally cool and indifferent,
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koji se čini skroz
hladan i nezainteresiran,
hladan i nezainteresiran,
09:14
while he has actually anticipated and calculated
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dok je zapravo očekivao i izračunao
09:17
so that all eyes are on him.
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kako da sve oči budu uprte ka njemu.
09:21
I think that becoming aware
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Mislim da bi osvještavanje
09:23
of this general imposture
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ove opće podvale
09:25
that concerns all of us
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koja nas sve zabrinjava
09:26
would ease our love relationships.
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olakšalo naše ljubavne veze.
09:28
It is because I want to be loved
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Iz razloga što želim biti voljen
09:30
from head to toe,
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od glave do pete,
09:32
justified in my every choice,
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opravdano je da u svakom mom izboru
09:34
that the seduction hysteria exists.
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postoji histerija zavođenja.
09:37
And therefore I want to seem perfect
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I stoga se želim činiti savršenim
09:39
so that another can love me.
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kako bi me netko mogao voljeti.
09:40
I want them to be perfect
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Želim od njih da budu savršeni
09:42
so that I can be reassured of my value.
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kako bih bio uvjeren u svoju vrijednost.
09:44
It leads to couples
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To vodi do parova
09:47
obsessed with performance
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koji su opsjednuti izvedbom
09:49
who will break up, just like that,
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koji će prekinuti samo tako,
09:51
at the slightest underachievement.
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na najmanji neuspjeh.
09:54
In contrast to this attitude,
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U kontrastu s ovim ponašanjem,
09:58
I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.
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pozivam na nježnost -- ljubav kao nježnost.
10:00
What is tenderness?
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Što je nježnost?
10:02
To be tender is to accept
the loved one's weaknesses.
the loved one's weaknesses.
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Biti nježan je prihvatiti mane
voljene osobe.
voljene osobe.
10:06
It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.
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Ne radi se o tome da postanete stari,
tužni par.
tužni par.
10:09
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
10:11
That's pretty bad.
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To je poprilično loše.
10:13
On the contrary,
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Suprotno,
10:14
there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.
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postoji mnogo šarma i sreće u nježnosti.
10:17
I refer specifically to a kind of humor
that is unfortunately underused.
that is unfortunately underused.
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Referiram se specifično na vrstu humora
koja se nažalost nedovoljno koristi.
koja se nažalost nedovoljno koristi.
10:21
It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.
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Poezija namjerne neugode.
10:24
I refer to self-mockery.
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Referiram se na ismijavanje samog sebe.
10:26
For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported
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Za par koji više nije ograničen, podržan
10:29
by the constraints of tradition,
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ograničenjima tradicije,
10:31
I believe that self-mockery
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Vjerujem da je ismijavanje samog
10:33
is one of the best means for
the relationship to endure.
the relationship to endure.
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sebe jedan od najboljih načina
za opstanak veze.
za opstanak veze.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Yann Dall'Aglio - PhilosopherYann Dall'Aglio is a philosopher who thinks deeply about modern love.
Why you should listen
Philosopher Yann Dall'Aglio writes about love in the digital age. His two books, A Rolex at 50: Do you have the right to miss your life?and I love you: Is love a has been? explore the challenges and triumphs in the modern era, where individualism and consumerism reign. His work is a declaration of his faith in love, a major feat for a skeptical philosopher.
Yann Dall'Aglio | Speaker | TED.com