TEDSummit
Helen Fisher: Technology hasn't changed love. Here's why
Helen Fišer (Helen Fisher): Evo zašto tehnologija nije promenila ljubav
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U našem svetu, kojim upravlja tehnologija i koji je međusobno povezan, razvili smo nove načine i pravila udvaranja, ali temeljni principi ljubavi su ostali isti, kaže antropološkinja Helen Fišer. U ovom energičnom razotkrivanju iz prvih redova ljubavi, saznajte kako naša sve ubrzanija povezanost, zapravo vodi ka sporijim, prisnijim ljubavnim vezama. Ostanite do kraja govora zbog žustre diskusije sa ekspertkinjom za ljubav - Ester Perel.
Helen Fisher - Anthropologist, expert on love
Anthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She’s best known as an expert on romantic love. Full bio
Anthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She’s best known as an expert on romantic love. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I was recently traveling
in the Highlands of New Guinea,
in the Highlands of New Guinea,
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Nedavno sam putovala
u visoravni Nove Gvineje
u visoravni Nove Gvineje
00:15
and I was talking with a man
who had three wives.
who had three wives.
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i razgovarala sam sa čovekom
koji ima tri supruge.
koji ima tri supruge.
00:18
I asked him, "How many wives
would you like to have?"
would you like to have?"
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Upitala sam ga: "Koliko žena
bi voleo da imaš?"
bi voleo da imaš?"
00:22
And there was this long pause,
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I usledila je duga pauza,
00:23
and I thought to myself,
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i pomislila sam u sebi:
00:25
"Is he going to say five?
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"Hoće li da kaže pet?
00:26
Is he going to say 10?
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Da li će reći 10?
00:28
Is he going to say 25?"
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Da li će reći 25?"
00:29
And he leaned towards me
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A on se nageo prema meni
00:31
and he whispered, "None."
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i prošaputao: "Nijednu."
00:32
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:35
Eighty-six percent of human societies
permit a man to have several wives:
permit a man to have several wives:
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Osamdeset šest procenata ljudskih društava
dozvoljava muškarcu da ima više supruga -
dozvoljava muškarcu da ima više supruga -
00:39
polygeny.
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poligamiju.
00:41
But in the vast majority
of these cultures,
of these cultures,
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Ali u značajnoj većini ovih kultura
00:43
only about five or ten percent of men
actually do have several wives.
actually do have several wives.
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svega pet do deset procenata muškaraca
zapravo ima nekoliko supruga.
zapravo ima nekoliko supruga.
00:47
Having several partners
can be a toothache.
can be a toothache.
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Imati nekoliko partnera
može da bude zubobolja.
može da bude zubobolja.
00:49
In fact, co-wives can
fight with each other,
fight with each other,
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Zapravo, supruge mogu
međusobno da se svađaju,
međusobno da se svađaju,
00:53
sometimes they can even poison
each other's children.
each other's children.
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ponekad čak mogu
i da potruju jedna drugoj decu.
i da potruju jedna drugoj decu.
00:56
And you've got to have
a lot of cows, a lot of goats,
a lot of cows, a lot of goats,
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I morate da imate mnogo krava, mnogo koza,
00:59
a lot of money, a lot of land,
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mnogo novca, mnogo zemlje
01:01
in order to build a harem.
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kako biste sagradili harem.
01:03
We are a pair-bonding species.
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Mi smo vrsta koja se sparuje.
01:05
Ninety-seven percent of mammals
do not pair up to rear their young;
do not pair up to rear their young;
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Devedeset sedam procenata sisara
se ne sparuje kako bi podizali svoje mlade
se ne sparuje kako bi podizali svoje mlade
01:08
human beings do.
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a ljudska bića to rade.
01:10
I'm not suggesting that we're not --
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Ne sugerišem da nismo -
01:13
that we're necessarily
sexually faithful to our partners.
sexually faithful to our partners.
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da smo nužno
seksualno verni našim partnerima.
seksualno verni našim partnerima.
01:16
I've looked at adultery in 42 cultures,
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Posmatrala sam preljubu u 42 kulture,
01:18
I understand, actually,
some of the genetics of it,
some of the genetics of it,
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zapravo razumem delom genetiku iza nje,
01:21
and some of the brain circuitry of it.
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kao i neke od njenih moždanih tokova.
01:23
It's very common around the world,
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Veoma je uobičajena širom sveta,
01:25
but we are built to love.
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ali stvoreni smo da volimo.
01:27
How is technology changing love?
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Kako tehnologija menja ljubav?
01:31
I'm going to say almost not at all.
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Reći ću da skoro uopšte ne menja.
01:34
I study the brain.
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Izučavam mozak.
01:36
I and my colleagues have put
over 100 people into a brain scanner --
over 100 people into a brain scanner --
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Moje kolega i ja smo stavili
preko 100 ljudi na skener mozga -
preko 100 ljudi na skener mozga -
01:39
people who had just
fallen happily in love,
fallen happily in love,
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ljude koji su se upravo srećno zaljubili,
01:42
people who had just been rejected in love
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ljude čiju su ljubav upravo odbili
01:44
and people who are in love long-term.
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i ljude koji su već dugo zaljubljeni.
01:46
And it is possible
to remain "in love" long-term.
to remain "in love" long-term.
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I moguće je ostati "zaljubljen" na duže.
01:50
And I've long ago maintained
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I davno sam utvrdila
01:52
that we've evolved three distinctly
different brain systems
different brain systems
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da su kod nas evoluirala tri
vidno različita moždana sistema
vidno različita moždana sistema
01:55
for mating and reproduction:
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za parenje i razmnožavanje:
01:57
sex drive,
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nagon za seksom,
01:58
feelings of intense romantic love
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osećanja snažne romantične ljubavi
02:00
and feelings of deep cosmic
attachment to a long-term partner.
attachment to a long-term partner.
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i osećanja duboke kosmičke
vezanosti za dugogodišnjeg partnera.
vezanosti za dugogodišnjeg partnera.
02:04
And together, these three brain systems --
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A ova tri moždana sistema zajedno -
02:06
with many other parts of the brain --
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uz mnoge druge delove mozga -
02:09
orchestrate our sexual,
our romantic and our family lives.
our romantic and our family lives.
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upravljaju našim seksualnim,
romantičnim i porodičnim životima.
romantičnim i porodičnim životima.
02:14
But they lie way below the cortex,
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Međutim, nalaze se daleko ispod korteksa,
02:16
way below the limbic system
where we feel our emotions,
where we feel our emotions,
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daleko ispod limbičkog sistema
gde osećamo naše emocije,
gde osećamo naše emocije,
02:21
generate our emotions.
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gde nastaju naše emocije.
02:22
They lie in the most primitive parts
of the brain, linked with energy,
of the brain, linked with energy,
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Oni leže u najprimitivnijim delovima
mozga povezanim s energijom,
mozga povezanim s energijom,
02:27
focus, craving, motivation,
wanting and drive.
wanting and drive.
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usredsređenošću, žudnjom,
motivacijom, željom i nagonom.
motivacijom, željom i nagonom.
02:32
In this case,
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U ovom slučaju
02:33
the drive to win life's greatest prize:
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to je nagon da se dođe
do najveće životne nagrade:
do najveće životne nagrade:
02:36
a mating partner.
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partnera za parenje.
02:37
They evolved over 4.4 million years ago
among our first ancestors,
among our first ancestors,
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Evoluirali su pre više od 4,4 miliona god.
kod naših prvih predaka,
kod naših prvih predaka,
02:42
and they're not going to change
if you swipe left or right on Tinder.
if you swipe left or right on Tinder.
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i neće se promeniti ako prstom povučete
nalevo ili nadesno na Tinderu.
nalevo ili nadesno na Tinderu.
02:46
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:48
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
02:50
There's no question that technology
is changing the way we court:
is changing the way we court:
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Nesumnjivo je da tehnologija
menja način na koji se udvaramo:
menja način na koji se udvaramo:
02:55
emailing, texting,
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imejlovi, poruke,
02:57
emojis to express your emotions,
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emotikoni za izražavanje emocija,
02:59
sexting,
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seksualne poruke,
03:00
"liking" a photograph, selfies ...
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"sviđanje" fotografija, selfiji...
03:03
We're seeing new rules
and taboos for how to court.
and taboos for how to court.
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Svedoci smo novih pravila
i tabua udvaranja.
i tabua udvaranja.
03:07
But, you know --
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Međutim, znate -
03:09
is this actually
dramatically changing love?
dramatically changing love?
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da li ovo zapravo drastično menja ljubav?
03:13
What about the late 1940s,
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Šta je sa kasnim 1940-im,
03:16
when the automobile became very popular
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kad je automobil postao veoma popularan
03:18
and we suddenly had rolling bedrooms?
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i kad smo iznenada dobili
pokretne spavaće sobe?
pokretne spavaće sobe?
03:21
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
03:22
How about the introduction
of the birth control pill?
of the birth control pill?
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Šta je sa dolaskom kontraceptivne pilule?
03:27
Unchained from the great threat
of pregnancy and social ruin,
of pregnancy and social ruin,
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Oslobođene velike opasnosti
trudnoće i društvene propasti,
trudnoće i društvene propasti,
03:32
women could finally express
their primitive and primal sexuality.
their primitive and primal sexuality.
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žene su konačno mogle da ispolje
svoju primitivnu i iskonsku seksualnost.
svoju primitivnu i iskonsku seksualnost.
03:37
Even dating sites are not changing love.
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Čak ni sajtovi za zabavljanje
ne menjaju ljubav.
ne menjaju ljubav.
03:40
I'm Chief Scientific Advisor to Match.com,
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Ja sam glavna naučna savetnica
na Match.com-u,
na Match.com-u,
03:43
I've been it for 11 years.
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to sam već skoro 11 godina.
03:45
I keep telling them
and they agree with me,
and they agree with me,
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Stalno im govorim, i oni se slažu sa mnom,
da to nisu sajtovi za zabavljanje,
03:47
that these are not dating sites,
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03:48
they are introducing sites.
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to su sajtovi za upoznavanje.
03:51
When you sit down in a bar,
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Kad sedite u baru,
03:53
in a coffee house,
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u kafiću,
03:54
on a park bench,
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na klupi u parku,
03:56
your ancient brain snaps into action
like a sleeping cat awakened,
like a sleeping cat awakened,
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vaš drevni mozak namah kreće u akciju
kao kad se uspavana mačka probudi
kao kad se uspavana mačka probudi
04:01
and you smile
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i smešite se
04:02
and laugh
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i smejete se
04:03
and listen
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i slušate
04:05
and parade the way our ancestors
did 100,000 years ago.
did 100,000 years ago.
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i šepurite se na isti način
kao i naši preci pre 100 000 godina.
kao i naši preci pre 100 000 godina.
04:10
We can give you various people --
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Možemo vam ponuditi više ljudi -
04:12
all the dating sites can --
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svi sajtovi za zabavljanje mogu -
04:13
but the only real algorithm
is your own human brain.
is your own human brain.
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ali jedini istinski algoritam
je vaš vlastiti ljudski mozak.
je vaš vlastiti ljudski mozak.
04:17
Technology is not going to change that.
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Tehnologija to neće promeniti.
04:21
Technology is also not going to change
who you choose to love.
who you choose to love.
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Tehnologija takođe neće promeniti
koga birate da volite.
koga birate da volite.
04:25
I study the biology of personality,
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Izučavam biologiju ličnosti
04:28
and I've come to believe
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i stigla sam do uverenja
04:29
that we've evolved four very broad
styles of thinking and behaving,
styles of thinking and behaving,
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da su kod nas evoluirala četiri veoma
široka načina razmišljanja i ponašanja,
široka načina razmišljanja i ponašanja,
u vezi sa sistemima dopamina, serotonina,
04:33
linked with the dopamine, serotonin,
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04:35
testosterone and estrogen systems.
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testosterona i estrogena.
04:38
So I created a questionnaire
directly from brain science
directly from brain science
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Pa sam napravila upitnik
direktno na osnovu nauke o mozgu
direktno na osnovu nauke o mozgu
04:42
to measure the degree to which
you express the traits --
you express the traits --
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kako bih izmerila stepen
do kog ispoljavate osobine -
do kog ispoljavate osobine -
04:45
the constellation of traits --
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skupine osobina -
04:47
linked with each
of these four brain systems.
of these four brain systems.
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povezane sa svakim
od ova četiri moždana sistema.
od ova četiri moždana sistema.
04:50
I then put that questionnaire
on various dating sites
on various dating sites
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Potom sam postavila taj upitnik
na više sajtova za zabavljanje
na više sajtova za zabavljanje
04:55
in 40 countries.
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u 40 država.
04:57
Fourteen million or more people
have now taken the questionnaire,
have now taken the questionnaire,
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Za sad je više od 14 miliona ljudi
ispunilo upitnik,
ispunilo upitnik,
05:01
and I've been able to watch
who's naturally drawn to whom.
who's naturally drawn to whom.
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i mogla sam da imam uvid u to
koga prirodno privlači ko.
koga prirodno privlači ko.
05:06
And as it turns out,
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I ispostavilo se
05:07
those who were very expressive
of the dopamine system
of the dopamine system
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da su oni kod kojih je izražen
dopaminski sistem
dopaminski sistem
05:10
tend to be curious, creative,
spontaneous, energetic --
spontaneous, energetic --
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više znatiželjni, kreativni,
spontani, energični -
spontani, energični -
05:13
I would imagine there's an awful lot
of people like that in this room --
of people like that in this room --
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pretpostavljam da ima poprilično
sličnih ljudi u ovoj prostoriji -
sličnih ljudi u ovoj prostoriji -
05:17
they're drawn to people like themselves.
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privlače ih ljudi slični njima.
05:19
Curious, creative people
need people like themselves.
need people like themselves.
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Znatiželjnim, kreativnim ljudima
su potrebni ljudi nalik njima.
su potrebni ljudi nalik njima.
05:22
People who are very expressive
of the serotonin system
of the serotonin system
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Ljudi kod kojih je izražen
serotoninski sistem
serotoninski sistem
05:25
tend to be traditional, conventional,
they follow the rules,
they follow the rules,
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su više tradicionalni, konvencionalni,
oni poštuju pravila,
oni poštuju pravila,
05:28
they respect authority,
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poštuju autoritete,
05:30
they tend to be religious -- religiosity
is in the serotonin system --
is in the serotonin system --
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često su religiozni - religioznost
je u serotoninskom sistemu -
je u serotoninskom sistemu -
05:33
and traditional people
go for traditional people.
go for traditional people.
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a tradicionalne ljude
privlače tradicionalni ljudi.
privlače tradicionalni ljudi.
05:36
In that way, similarity attracts.
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U tom slučaju se sličnosti privlače.
05:39
In the other two cases, opposites attract.
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U druga dva slučaja
se suprotnosti privlače.
se suprotnosti privlače.
05:41
People very expressive
of the testosterone system
of the testosterone system
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Ljudi kod koji je izražen
testosteronski sistem
testosteronski sistem
05:44
tend to be analytical,
logical, direct, decisive,
logical, direct, decisive,
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su često analitični,
logični, direktni, odlučni
logični, direktni, odlučni
05:48
and they go for their opposite:
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i privlače ih suprotnosti:
05:49
they go for somebody who's high estrogen,
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privlače ih oni sa izraženim estrogenom,
05:51
somebody who's got very good verbal skills
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oni koji imaju veoma dobre
verbalne veštine
verbalne veštine
05:54
and people skills,
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i vešti su s ljudima,
05:55
who's very intuitive
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koji su izuzetno intuitivni
05:56
and who's very nurturing
and emotionally expressive.
and emotionally expressive.
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i koji su veoma brižni
i emotivno izražajni.
i emotivno izražajni.
06:00
We have natural patterns of mate choice.
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Imamo prirodne obrasce izbora za parenje.
06:03
Modern technology is not going
to change who we choose to love.
to change who we choose to love.
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Moderna tehnologija neće promeniti
koga biramo da volimo.
koga biramo da volimo.
06:09
But technology is producing
one modern trend
one modern trend
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Ali tehnologija proizvodi
jedan savremeni trend
jedan savremeni trend
06:12
that I find particularly important.
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koji smatram naročito važnim.
06:14
It's associated with the concept
of paradox of choice.
of paradox of choice.
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Povezan je sa konceptom paradoksa izbora.
06:18
For millions of years,
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Milionima godina
06:19
we lived in little hunting
and gathering groups.
and gathering groups.
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smo živeli u malim grupama
za lov i sakupljanje.
za lov i sakupljanje.
06:22
You didn't have the opportunity to choose
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Niste imali mogućnost da birate
06:24
between 1,000 people on a dating site.
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između 1000 ljudi na sajtu za zabavljanje.
06:28
In fact, I've been studying this recently,
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Zapravo, ovo sam nedavno istraživala,
06:30
and I actually think there's some
sort of sweet spot in the brain;
sort of sweet spot in the brain;
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i zapravo smatram da postoji
nekakva tačka zasićenosti u mozgu;
nekakva tačka zasićenosti u mozgu;
06:33
I don't know what it is, but apparently,
from reading a lot of the data,
from reading a lot of the data,
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ne znam o čemu se radi, ali očito,
iz uvida u mnoštvo podataka,
iz uvida u mnoštvo podataka,
06:37
we can embrace about five
to nine alternatives, and after that,
to nine alternatives, and after that,
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možemo da prigrlimo između pet
i devet alternativa i nakon toga
i devet alternativa i nakon toga
06:42
you get into what academics
call "cognitive overload,"
call "cognitive overload,"
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zapadate u ono što akademici nazivaju
"kognitivnim preopterećenjem",
"kognitivnim preopterećenjem",
06:45
and you don't choose any.
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i uopšte ne odabirate bilo koga.
06:48
So I've come to think that due
to this cognitive overload,
to this cognitive overload,
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Pa sam shvatila da zbog ovog
kognitivnog preopterećenja
kognitivnog preopterećenja
06:51
we're ushering in a new form of courtship
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ulazimo u novi oblik udvaranja
06:54
that I call "slow love."
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koji nazivam "spora ljubav".
06:57
I arrived at this during
my work with Match.com.
my work with Match.com.
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Do ovog sam stigla
radeći sa Match.com-om.
radeći sa Match.com-om.
Svake godine u proteklih šest godina
07:01
Every year for the last six years,
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07:03
we've done a study called
"Singles in America."
"Singles in America."
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smo radili istraživanje pod nazivom
"Samci u Americi".
"Samci u Americi".
07:05
We don't poll the Match population,
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Ne anketiramo populaciju sa Match-a,
07:07
we poll the American population.
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anketiramo američku populaciju.
07:09
We use 5,000-plus people,
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Koristimo više od 5000 ljudi,
07:12
a representative sample of Americans
based on the US census.
based on the US census.
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reprezentativan uzorak Amerikanaca
zasnovan na popisu SAD-a.
zasnovan na popisu SAD-a.
07:16
We've got data now on over 30,000 people,
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Trenutno imamo podatke
za preko 30 000 ljudi
za preko 30 000 ljudi
07:19
and every single year,
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i svake godine
07:21
I see some of the same patterns.
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gledam iste obrasce.
07:24
Every single year when I ask the question,
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Svake godine kad postavim pitanje,
07:27
over 50 percent of people
have had a one-night stand --
have had a one-night stand --
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preko 50 procenata ljudi
koji su imali šemu za jednu noć -
koji su imali šemu za jednu noć -
ne nužno u poslednjih godinu dana,
već u njihovom životu -
već u njihovom životu -
07:30
not necessarily last year,
but in their lives --
but in their lives --
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07:32
50 percent have had
a friends with benefits
a friends with benefits
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50% je imalo prijatelje
sa kojima imaju seks
sa kojima imaju seks
07:35
during the course of their lives,
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tokom svog života,
07:36
and over 50 percent have lived
with a person long-term
with a person long-term
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a preko 50 procenata
je živelo dugo godina s nekim
je živelo dugo godina s nekim
07:40
before marrying.
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pre venčanja.
07:41
Americans think that this is reckless.
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Amerikanci ovo smatraju nesmotrenošću.
07:43
I have doubted that for a long time;
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Dugo sam sumnjala u to;
07:46
the patterns are too strong.
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obrasci su tako dosledni.
07:48
There's got to be some
Darwinian explanation --
Darwinian explanation --
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Mora da postoji nekakvo
darvinovsko objašnjenje -
darvinovsko objašnjenje -
07:51
Not that many people are crazy.
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Ne može toliko ljudi da bude ludo.
07:53
And I stumbled, then, on a statistic
that really came home to me.
that really came home to me.
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I onda sam nabasala na statistiku
koja mi je bila bliska.
koja mi je bila bliska.
07:58
It was a very interesting academic article
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Radilo se o zanimljivom akademskom članku
08:00
in which I found that 67 percent
of singles in America today
of singles in America today
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iz kog sam saznala da 67 procenata
samaca u Americi danas,
samaca u Americi danas,
08:05
who are living long-term with somebody,
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koji dugo žive s nekim,
08:08
have not yet married because
they are terrified of divorce.
they are terrified of divorce.
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još uvek se nisu venčali
jer se užasavaju razvoda.
jer se užasavaju razvoda.
08:12
They're terrified of the social,
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Užasavaju se društvenih,
08:14
legal, emotional,
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pravnih, emotivnih,
08:15
economic consequences of divorce.
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ekonomskih posledica razvoda.
08:18
So I came to realize that I don't think
this is recklessness;
this is recklessness;
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Pa sam shvatila da ne verujem
da se radi o nesmotrenosti;
da se radi o nesmotrenosti;
08:22
I think it's caution.
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Mislim da se radi o oprezu.
08:24
Today's singles want to know
every single thing about a partner
every single thing about a partner
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Današnji samci žele da znaju
sve živo o svom partneru
sve živo o svom partneru
08:29
before they wed.
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1629
pre nego što se venčaju.
08:31
You learn a lot between the sheets,
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Saznate mnogo ispod jorgana,
08:33
not only about how somebody makes love,
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ne samo o tome kako neko vodi ljubav,
08:35
but whether they're kind,
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već i da li su srdačni,
08:37
whether they can listen
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znaju li da slušaju,
08:38
and at my age,
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i u mojim godinama,
08:39
whether they've got a sense of humor.
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imaju li smisla za humor.
08:41
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:43
And in an age where we have
too many choices,
too many choices,
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A u dobu u kom imamo
isuviše velik izbor,
isuviše velik izbor,
08:47
we have very little fear
of pregnancy and disease
of pregnancy and disease
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imamo neznatan strah
od trudnoće i bolesti
od trudnoće i bolesti
08:50
and we've got no feeling of shame
for sex before marriage,
for sex before marriage,
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i ne stidimo se zbog seksa pre braka,
08:54
I think people are taking
their time to love.
their time to love.
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mislim da ljudi ne srljaju u ljubav.
08:58
And actually, what's happening is,
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A zapravo se događa sledeće,
09:00
what we're seeing is a real expansion
of the precommitment stage
of the precommitment stage
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ono što viđamo je istinska ekspanzija
faze pred vezivanje,
faze pred vezivanje,
09:03
before you tie the knot.
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pre nego što stanete na ludi kamen.
09:06
Where marriage used to be
the beginning of a relationship,
the beginning of a relationship,
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Nekad je brak bio početak veze -
09:08
now it's the finale.
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sad je finale.
09:11
But the human brain --
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No ljudski mozak -
09:13
(Laughter)
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2009
(Smeh)
09:15
The human brain always triumphs,
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1814
Ljudski mozak uvek trijumfuje,
09:17
and indeed, in the United States today,
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i zaista u SAD-u danas
09:18
86 percent of Americans
will marry by age 49.
will marry by age 49.
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86 procenata Amerikanaca
će se venčati do 49 godine,
će se venčati do 49 godine,
09:22
And even in cultures around the world
where they're not marrying as often,
where they're not marrying as often,
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pa čak i u kulturama širom sveta
gde se tako često ne venčavaju,
gde se tako često ne venčavaju,
09:26
they are settling down eventually
with a long-term partner.
with a long-term partner.
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kad-tad se skrase sa dugoročnim partnerom.
09:29
So it began to occur to me:
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Pa sam počela da uviđam:
09:31
during this long extension
of the precommitment stage,
of the precommitment stage,
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tokom ove duge ekstenzije
faze pred vezivanje,
faze pred vezivanje,
09:35
if you can get rid of bad
relationships before you marry,
relationships before you marry,
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3173
ako možete da se otarasite
loših veza pre nego što se venčate,
loših veza pre nego što se venčate,
09:39
maybe we're going to see
more happy marriages.
more happy marriages.
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možda ćemo da otkrijemo
više srećnih brakova.
više srećnih brakova.
09:41
So I did a study of 1,100
married people in America --
married people in America --
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Pa sam uradila istraživanje
na 1100 venčanih ljudi u Americi -
na 1100 venčanih ljudi u Americi -
09:46
not on Match.com, of course --
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1727
ne sa Match.com-a, naravno -
09:48
and I asked them a lot of questions.
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i postavila sam im mnogo pitanja.
09:50
But one of the questions was,
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No jedno od pitanja je glasilo:
09:52
"Would you re-marry the person
you're currently married to?"
you're currently married to?"
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4572
"Da li biste se ponovo venčali
sa osobom s kojom ste trenutno?"
sa osobom s kojom ste trenutno?"
09:56
And 81 percent said, "Yes."
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I 81 procenat je odgovorilo: "Da".
10:00
In fact, the greatest change
in modern romance and family life
in modern romance and family life
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Zapravo, najveća promena
u savremenoj ljubavi i porodičnom životu
u savremenoj ljubavi i porodičnom životu
10:07
is not technology.
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1400
nije tehnologija.
10:09
It's not even slow love.
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Nije čak ni spora ljubav.
10:11
It's actually women
piling into the job market
piling into the job market
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2951
Već žene koje popunjavaju tržište rada
10:14
in cultures around the world.
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1423
u kulturama širom sveta.
10:15
For millions of years,
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1229
Milionima godina,
10:17
our ancestors lived
in little hunting and gathering groups.
in little hunting and gathering groups.
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2970
naši preci su živeli
u malenim grupama za lov i sakupljanje.
u malenim grupama za lov i sakupljanje.
10:20
Women commuted to work
to gather their fruits and vegetables.
to gather their fruits and vegetables.
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Žene su krećale na rad
kako bi brale voće i povrće.
kako bi brale voće i povrće.
10:22
They came home with 60 to 80
percent of the evening meal.
percent of the evening meal.
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Vraćale su se kući
sa 60 do 80 posto večernjeg obroka.
sa 60 do 80 posto večernjeg obroka.
10:26
The double-income family was the rule.
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Uobičajene su bile
porodice sa dvoje zaposelnih.
porodice sa dvoje zaposelnih.
10:29
And women were regarded
as just as economically, socially
as just as economically, socially
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I žene su smatrane
podjednako ekonomski, društveno
podjednako ekonomski, društveno
10:33
and sexually powerful as men.
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i seksualno moćne kao i muškarci.
10:36
Then the environment changed
some 10,000 years ago,
some 10,000 years ago,
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3102
Onda se okruženje promenilo,
pre nekih 10 000 godina,
pre nekih 10 000 godina,
10:39
we began to settle down on the farm
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2229
počeli smo da se skrašavamo na imanjima,
10:41
and both men and women
became obliged, really,
became obliged, really,
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3191
te su i muškarci i žene
postali primorani, zaista,
postali primorani, zaista,
10:44
to marry the right person,
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1572
da se venčaju s pravom osobom,
10:46
from the right background,
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1430
iz odgovarjućeg okruženja,
10:47
from the right religion
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1303
odgovarajuće religije
10:49
and from the right kin
and social and political connections.
and social and political connections.
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3538
i odgovarajućeg porekla,
kao i društvenih i političkih veza.
kao i društvenih i političkih veza.
10:52
Men's jobs became more important:
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1594
Muški poslovi su postali važniji:
10:54
they had to move the rocks,
fell the trees, plow the land.
fell the trees, plow the land.
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2737
morali su da pomeraju stene,
obaraju drveće, oru zemlju.
obaraju drveće, oru zemlju.
10:57
They brought the produce
to local markets, and came home
to local markets, and came home
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2924
Nosili su proizvode na lokalne pijace
i vraćali se kući
i vraćali se kući
11:00
with the equivalent of money.
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1514
s nečim nalik novcu.
11:01
Along with this,
236
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1546
S ovim
11:03
we see a rise of a host of beliefs:
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vidimo uspon gomile uverenja:
11:06
the belief of virginity at marriage,
238
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2182
ubeđenje u bračnu nevinost,
11:08
arranged marriages --
strictly arranged marriages --
strictly arranged marriages --
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2943
ugovorene brakove -
strogo ugovorene brakove -
strogo ugovorene brakove -
11:11
the belief that the man
is the head of the household,
is the head of the household,
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2527
uverenje da je muškarac glava domaćinstva,
11:13
that the wife's place is in the home
241
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2239
da je ženi mesto u kući,
11:16
and most important,
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1153
i najvažnije
11:17
honor thy husband,
and 'til death do us part.
and 'til death do us part.
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3131
poštuj svog muža
i dok nas smrt ne rastavi.
i dok nas smrt ne rastavi.
11:20
These are gone.
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1722
Ovoga više nema.
11:22
They are going, and in many places,
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2549
Ovo nestaje, a na mnogim mestima
11:24
they are gone.
246
672905
1388
je nestalo.
11:26
We are right now in a marriage revolution.
247
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3423
Trenutno je u toku revolucija braka.
11:29
We are shedding 10,000 years
of our farming tradition
of our farming tradition
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4715
Oslobađamo se 10 000 godina
poljoprivredne tradicije
poljoprivredne tradicije
11:34
and moving forward towards egalitarian
relationships between the sexes --
relationships between the sexes --
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5626
i približavamo se egalitarnom
odnosu među rodovima -
odnosu među rodovima -
11:40
something I regard as highly compatible
with the ancient human spirit.
with the ancient human spirit.
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nešto što doživljavam kao veoma saglasno
sa drevnim ljudskim duhom.
sa drevnim ljudskim duhom.
11:45
I'm not a Pollyanna;
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1702
Nisam optimistično dete;
11:47
there's a great deal to cry about.
252
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1761
ima tu štošta za žaljenje.
11:49
I've studied divorce in 80 cultures,
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1746
Izučavala sam razvod u 80 kultura,
izučavala sam, kao što rekoh,
prevaru u mnogim -
prevaru u mnogim -
11:50
I've studied, as I say,
adultery in many --
adultery in many --
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2136
11:53
there's a whole pile of problems.
255
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1816
ima tu čitava hrpa problema.
11:54
As William Butler Yeats,
the poet, once said,
the poet, once said,
256
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3192
Kako je pesnik Vilijam Batler Jejts
jednom rekao:
jednom rekao:
11:58
"Love is the crooked thing."
257
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2465
"Ljubav je nepoštena stvar."
12:01
I would add, "Nobody gets out alive."
258
709131
2790
Dodala bih: "Niko se živ neće izvući."
12:03
(Laughter)
259
711945
1095
(Smeh)
12:05
We all have problems.
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1467
Svi imamo probleme.
12:06
But in fact, I think the poet
Randall Jarrell really sums it up best.
Randall Jarrell really sums it up best.
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3604
Ali zapravo mislim da je pesnik
Rendal Džerel to najbolje sročio.
Rendal Džerel to najbolje sročio.
12:10
He said, "The dark, uneasy world
of family life --
of family life --
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4999
Rekao je: "Mračni, nespokojni svet
porodičnog života -
porodičnog života -
12:15
where the greatest can fail,
and the humblest succeed."
and the humblest succeed."
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4518
gde najveći omanuti mogu,
a najkrotkiji uspevaju."
a najkrotkiji uspevaju."
12:20
But I will leave you with this:
264
728779
1887
Međutim, ostaviću vas s ovim:
12:22
love and attachment will prevail,
265
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2728
ljubav i privrženost će da opstanu,
12:25
technology cannot change it.
266
733442
2533
tehnologija to ne može da promeni.
12:27
And I will conclude by saying
267
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1838
I završiću rečima,
12:29
any understanding of human relationships
must take into account
must take into account
268
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5246
bilo kakvo razumevanje ljudskih odnosa,
mora da uzme u obzir
mora da uzme u obzir
12:35
one the most powerful determinants
of human behavior:
of human behavior:
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4225
jednu od najmoćnijih odrednica
ljudskog ponašanja:
ljudskog ponašanja:
12:39
the unquenchable,
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1218
neutoljivi,
12:41
adaptable
271
749217
1165
prilagodljivi
12:42
and primordial human drive to love.
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3006
i iskonski nagon ljudi da vole.
12:45
Thank you.
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1152
Hvala vam.
12:46
(Applause)
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3022
(Aplauz)
12:51
Kelly Stoetzel: Thank you
so much for that, Helen.
so much for that, Helen.
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2381
Keli Stecel: Mnogo ti hvala,
za ovo, Helen.
za ovo, Helen.
12:54
As you know, there's another
speaker here with us
speaker here with us
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2309
Kao što znaš, sa nama
je još jedan govornik
je još jedan govornik
12:56
that works in your same field.
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1550
koji radi u tvojoj oblasti.
12:58
She comes at it
from a different perspective.
from a different perspective.
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2431
Ona joj prilazi iz drugačije perspektive.
13:00
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist
who works with couples.
who works with couples.
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4637
Ester Perel je psihoterapeutkinja
koja radi s parovima.
koja radi s parovima.
13:05
You study data,
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1293
Ti izučavaš podatke,
13:07
Esther studies the stories
the couples tell her
the couples tell her
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2500
Ester izučava priče
koje joj parovi pričaju,
koje joj parovi pričaju,
13:09
when they come to her for help.
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2028
kada zatraže od nje pomoć.
13:11
Let's have her join us on the stage.
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1724
Neka nam se pridruži na sceni.
13:13
Esther?
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1151
Ester?
13:14
(Applause)
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3131
(Aplauz)
13:22
So Esther,
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1246
Pa, Ester,
13:23
when you were watching Helen's talk,
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2272
dok si gledala Helenin govor,
da li ti je neki njegov deo
13:25
was there any part of it
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1206
13:27
that resonated with you
through the lens of your own work
through the lens of your own work
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2767
zvučao poznato kroz perspektivu
tvog sopstvenog rada
tvog sopstvenog rada
13:29
that you'd like to comment on?
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koji bi želela da prokomentarišeš?
13:32
Esther Perel: It's interesting,
because on the one hand,
because on the one hand,
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Ester Perel: Zanimljivo je jer
s jedne strane,
s jedne strane,
13:35
the need for love
is ubiquitous and universal.
is ubiquitous and universal.
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potreba za ljubavlju
je sveprisutna i univerzalna.
je sveprisutna i univerzalna.
13:39
But the way we love --
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Međutim, način na koji volimo -
13:41
the meaning we make out of it --
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značenje koje pripisujemo -
13:43
the rules that govern
our relationships, I think,
our relationships, I think,
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pravila koja uređuju
naše odnose, ja mislim
naše odnose, ja mislim
13:45
are changing fundamentally.
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da se temeljno menjaju.
13:47
We come from a model that, until now,
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Proistekli smo iz modela koji je do sad
13:50
was primarily regulated
around duty and obligation,
around duty and obligation,
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primarno bio regulisan
oko dužnosti i obaveza,
oko dužnosti i obaveza,
13:54
the needs of the collective and loyalty.
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kolektivnih potreba i odanosti.
13:56
And we have shifted it
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I preokrenuli smo to
13:57
to a model of free choice
and individual rights,
and individual rights,
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u model slobode izbora
i individualnih prava
i individualnih prava
14:02
and self-fulfillment and happiness.
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i samoispunjenosti i sreće.
14:05
And so, that was
the first thing I thought,
the first thing I thought,
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I dakle, prvo sam to pomislila,
14:07
that the need doesn't change,
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kako se potreba nije promenila,
14:09
but the context and the way
we regulate these relationships
we regulate these relationships
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ali kontekst i način na koji
upravljamo tim odnosima
upravljamo tim odnosima
14:13
changes a lot.
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su se mnogo promenili.
14:14
On the paradox of choice --
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U vezi sa paradoksom izbora -
14:18
you know, on the one hand
we relish the novelty
we relish the novelty
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znate, s jedne strane,
naslađujemo se novinom
naslađujemo se novinom
14:21
and the playfulness, I think,
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i razigranošću, verujem,
14:22
to be able to have so many options.
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time što imamo toliki izbor.
14:25
And at the same time,
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A istovremeno,
14:26
as you talk about this cognitive overload,
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dok govoriš
o kognitivnoj preopterećenosti,
o kognitivnoj preopterećenosti,
14:29
I see many, many people who ...
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vidim mnoge, mnoge ljude koji...
14:34
who dread the uncertainty and self-doubt
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koji strepe od neizvesnosti i nesigurnosti
14:38
that comes with this massa of choice,
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koja proističe iz ovolikog izbora,
14:41
creating a case of "FOMO"
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uzrokujući stanje "SOPP"
14:43
and then leading us --
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i koja nas vodi -
14:45
FOMO, fear of missed opportunity,
or fear of missing out --
or fear of missing out --
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3315
SOPP, strah od propuštene prilike,
ili strah od propusta -
ili strah od propusta -
14:48
it's like, "How do I know
I have found 'the one' --
I have found 'the one' --
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poput: "Kako da znam
da sam pronašla pravog -
da sam pronašla pravog -
14:51
the right one?"
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odgovarajućeg?"
14:52
So we've created what I call
this thing of "stable ambiguity."
this thing of "stable ambiguity."
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Pa smo stvorili nešto što nazivam
"stabilnom nedoumicom".
"stabilnom nedoumicom".
14:56
Stable ambiguity is when
you are too afraid to be alone
you are too afraid to be alone
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Stabilna nedoumica je kad ste
preplašeni od usamljenosti,
preplašeni od usamljenosti,
15:00
but also not really willing
to engage in intimacy-building.
to engage in intimacy-building.
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ali takođe niste voljni
da se uključite u izgradnju prisnosti.
da se uključite u izgradnju prisnosti.
15:04
It's a set of tactics that kind of prolong
the uncertainty of a relationship
the uncertainty of a relationship
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To je skup taktika koje nekako odlažu
neizvesnost ljubavne veze,
neizvesnost ljubavne veze,
15:09
but also the uncertainty of the breakup.
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2607
ali i neizvesnost raskida.
15:12
So, here on the internet
you have three major ones.
you have three major ones.
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Pa, na internetu
imate tri značajnije taktike.
imate tri značajnije taktike.
15:15
One is icing and simmering,
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2321
Prva je zaleđivanje i krčkanje,
15:17
which are great stalling tactics
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a to su sjajne taktike odugovlačenja
15:20
that offer a kind of holding pattern
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koje nude obrazac zadržavanja,
15:23
that emphasizes the undefined
nature of a relationship
nature of a relationship
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911088
3794
koji naglašava neodređenu
prirodu ljubavnog odnosa,
prirodu ljubavnog odnosa,
15:26
but at the same time gives you
enough of a comforting consistency
enough of a comforting consistency
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914906
4107
ali vam istovremeno nudi
dovoljno utešne doslednosti
dovoljno utešne doslednosti
15:31
and enough freedom
of the undefined boundaries.
of the undefined boundaries.
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i dovoljno slobode
neodređenih ograničenja.
neodređenih ograničenja.
15:33
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
15:36
Yeah?
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924070
1170
Je l' da?
15:37
And then comes ghosting.
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1548
A onda sledi fantom taktika.
15:38
And ghosting is, basically,
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926836
1972
A fantom je u suštini,
15:40
you disappear from this massa
of texts on the spot,
of texts on the spot,
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928832
4520
kad na licu mesta nestanete
iz sve te mase tekstova
iz sve te mase tekstova
15:45
and you don't have to deal with
the pain that you inflict on another,
the pain that you inflict on another,
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i ne morate da se bavite
bolom koji ste naneli drugome,
bolom koji ste naneli drugome,
15:49
because you're making it
invisible even to yourself.
invisible even to yourself.
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937185
2598
jer ste se postarali
da bude nevidljiv i vama samima.
da bude nevidljiv i vama samima.
15:51
(Laughter)
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939807
1187
(Smeh)
15:53
Yeah?
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941018
1158
Je l' da?
15:54
So I was thinking -- these words came up
for me as I was listening to you,
for me as I was listening to you,
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942200
4737
Pa sam razmišljala - ove reči
sam smislila dok sam te slušala,
sam smislila dok sam te slušala,
15:58
like how a vocabulary
also creates a reality,
also creates a reality,
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5163
u smislu kako rečnik
takođe stvara realnost,
takođe stvara realnost,
16:04
and at the same time,
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a istovremeno,
16:05
that's my question to you:
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1684
ovo je moje pitanje za tebe:
16:07
Do you think when the context changes,
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2940
da li smatraš da kad se kontekst izmeni
16:10
it still means that the nature
of love remains the same?
of love remains the same?
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958399
3640
da i dalje znači da je priroda
ljubavi ostala ista?
ljubavi ostala ista?
16:14
You study the brain and I study
people's relationships and stories,
people's relationships and stories,
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962063
4098
Ti izučavaš mozak, a ja izučavam
ljudske odnose i priče,
ljudske odnose i priče,
16:18
so I think it's everything you say, plus.
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966185
3986
te ja mislim da stoji
sve što si rekla i više.
sve što si rekla i više.
16:22
But I don't always know the degree
to which a changing context ...
to which a changing context ...
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Ali ja uvek ne znam stepen
do kog izmena konteksta...
do kog izmena konteksta...
16:27
Does it at some point begin to change --
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2530
Da li istovremeno počinje da menja -
16:30
If the meaning changes,
does it change the need,
does it change the need,
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2613
ako se značenje promeni,
da li to menja potrebu,
da li to menja potrebu,
16:32
or is the need clear
of the entire context?
of the entire context?
353
980642
2463
ili je potreba nezavisna
od čitavog konteksta?
od čitavog konteksta?
16:35
HF: Wow! Well --
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1420
HF: Opa! Pa -
16:37
(Laughter)
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985241
2431
(Smeh)
16:39
(Applause)
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987696
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(Aplauz)
16:42
Well, I've got three points here, right?
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990895
2968
Pa, ovde imam tri zaključka, u redu?
16:46
First of all, to your first one:
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994736
1826
Pre svega, što se tiče prvog,
16:48
there's no question that we've changed,
that we now want a person to love,
that we now want a person to love,
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996586
3593
nesumnjivo da smo se promenili,
da sada želimo osobu koju ćemo da volimo
da sada želimo osobu koju ćemo da volimo
dok smo hiljadama godina morali
da se venčavamo pravom osobom,
da se venčavamo pravom osobom,
16:52
and for thousands of years,
we had to marry the right person
we had to marry the right person
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1000203
2845
16:55
from the right background
and right connection.
and right connection.
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1003072
2271
odgovarajućeg porekla
i odgovarajućih veza.
i odgovarajućih veza.
16:57
And in fact, in my studies
of 5,000 people every year,
of 5,000 people every year,
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1005367
3351
I, zapravo, u mojim istraživanjima
5000 ljudi svake godine,
5000 ljudi svake godine,
17:00
I ask them, "What are you looking for?"
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1008742
2126
pitam ih: "Za čim tragate?"
17:02
And every single year,
over 97 percent say --
over 97 percent say --
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1010892
2758
I svake godine, preko 97 procenata kaže -
17:05
EP: The list grows --
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1013674
1210
EP: Lista raste -
17:06
HF: Well, no.
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1014908
1160
HF: Ne baš.
17:08
The basic thing is
over 97 percent of people
over 97 percent of people
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1016092
3323
Osnovno za 97 procenata ljudi
17:11
want somebody that respects them,
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1019439
2091
je da žele nekoga ko ih poštuje,
17:13
somebody they can trust and confide in,
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1021554
2288
nekoga kome mogu da veruju
i da se poveravaju,
i da se poveravaju,
17:15
somebody who makes them laugh,
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1023866
1656
nekoga ko ih zasmejava,
17:17
somebody who makes enough time for them
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1025546
1882
nekoga ko ima dovoljno vremena za njih
17:19
and somebody who they find
physically attractive.
physically attractive.
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1027452
3997
i nekoga koga smatraju fizički privlačnim.
17:23
That never changes.
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1031473
1283
To se nikad ne menja.
17:24
And there's certainly -- you know,
there's two parts --
there's two parts --
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1032780
3178
I izvesno - znate - imamo dva dela -
17:27
EP: But you know how I call that?
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1035982
1580
EP: Ali znaš kako ja to nazivam?
17:29
That's not what people used to say --
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1037586
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Ljudi nekad nisu tako govorili -
17:31
HF: That's exactly right.
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1039860
1230
HF: To je tačno.
17:33
EP: They said they wanted somebody
with whom they have companionship,
with whom they have companionship,
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3299
EP: Govorili su da žele nekoga
s kim imaju drugarstvo,
s kim imaju drugarstvo,
ekonomsku podršku, decu.
17:36
economic support, children.
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Prešli smo sa proizvodne ekonomije
na uslužnu ekonomiju.
na uslužnu ekonomiju.
17:37
We went from a production economy
to a service economy.
to a service economy.
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1045752
2586
17:40
(Laughter)
381
1048362
1009
(Smeh)
17:41
We did it in the larger culture,
and we're doing it in marriage.
and we're doing it in marriage.
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1049395
2981
Uradili smo to uopšteno u kulturi
i uradili smo to u braku.
i uradili smo to u braku.
17:44
HF: Right, no question about it.
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1052400
1548
HF: Naravno, to je nesumnjivo.
17:45
But it's interesting, the millennials
actually want to be very good parents,
actually want to be very good parents,
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1053972
3910
Ali je zanimljivo da milenijalci
zapravo žele da budu dobri roditelji,
zapravo žele da budu dobri roditelji,
17:49
whereas the generation above them
wants to have a very fine marriage
wants to have a very fine marriage
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1057906
4120
dok je generacija pre njih
želela da ima ugodne brakove,
želela da ima ugodne brakove,
ali se nisu usredsređivali
na dobro roditeljstvo.
na dobro roditeljstvo.
17:54
but is not as focused
on being a good parent.
on being a good parent.
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1062050
2222
17:56
You see all of these nuances.
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1064296
2083
Vidite sve te nijanse.
17:58
There's two basic parts of personality:
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1066403
2556
Imamo dva osnovna dela ličnosti:
18:00
there's your culture -- everything you
grew up to do and believe and say --
grew up to do and believe and say --
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1068983
3575
imamo kulturu - sve sa čime
ste odrasli, u šta verujete i govorite -
ste odrasli, u šta verujete i govorite -
18:04
and there's your temperament.
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1399
i imamo temperament.
18:06
Basically, what I've been talking
about is your temperament.
about is your temperament.
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1074005
2827
U suštini ja sam govorila o temperamentu.
18:08
And that temperament is certainly
going to change with changing times
going to change with changing times
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1076856
3318
A taj temperament će se izvesno
menjati s vremenom promena
menjati s vremenom promena
18:12
and changing beliefs.
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1080198
1301
i promenom uverenja.
18:13
And in terms of the paradox of choice,
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1081891
3147
A što se tiče paradoksa izbora,
18:17
there's no question about it
that this is a pickle.
that this is a pickle.
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1085062
2407
nesumnjivo se radi o začkoljici.
18:19
There were millions of years
where you found that sweet boy
where you found that sweet boy
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1087493
2864
Milionima godina
ste pronalazili tog simpatičnog dečaka
ste pronalazili tog simpatičnog dečaka
18:22
at the other side of the water hole,
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1090381
1725
s druge strane bare
18:24
and you went for it.
398
1092130
1151
i išli ste mu u susret.
18:25
EP: Yes, but you --
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1093305
1151
EP: Da, ali -
18:26
HF: I do want to say one more thing.
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1094480
1747
HF: Želim da kažem još nešto.
18:28
The bottom line is, in hunting
and gathering societies,
and gathering societies,
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1096251
2617
U krajnjoj liniji, u društvima
lovaca i sakupljača,
lovaca i sakupljača,
18:30
they tended to have two or three partners
during the course of their lives.
during the course of their lives.
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1098892
3598
imali su dva ili tri partnera
tokom njihovog života.
tokom njihovog života.
18:34
They weren't square!
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1102514
1158
Nisu bili nepustolovni!
18:35
And I'm not suggesting that we do,
404
1103696
1656
I ne sugerišem da mi jesmo,
18:37
but the bottom line is,
we've always had alternatives.
we've always had alternatives.
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1105376
3976
ali u krajnjoj liniji,
oduvek smo imali alternative.
oduvek smo imali alternative.
18:41
Mankind is always --
406
1109376
1479
Čovečanstvo je oduvek -
18:42
in fact, the brain is well-built
to what we call "equilibrate,"
to what we call "equilibrate,"
407
1110879
3192
zapravo, mozak je stvoren
za nešto što zovemo "uravnoteživanjem",
za nešto što zovemo "uravnoteživanjem",
18:46
to try and decide:
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1114095
1151
da pokuša da odluči:
18:47
Do I come, do I stay? Do I go, do I stay?
409
1115270
2434
da li da dođem i ostanem?
Da li da odem ili ostanem?
Da li da odem ili ostanem?
18:49
What are the opportunities here?
410
1117728
1548
Kakve su mi šanse tamo?
Kako da se snađem s ovim ovde?
18:51
How do I handle this there?
411
1119300
1302
18:52
And so I think we're seeing
another play-out of that now.
another play-out of that now.
412
1120626
2961
Stoga smatram da sad gledamo
još jednu manifestaciju toga.
još jednu manifestaciju toga.
18:56
KS: Well, thank you both so much.
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1623
KS: Pa, hvala vam obema mnogo.
18:57
I think you're going to have
a million dinner partners for tonight!
a million dinner partners for tonight!
414
1125699
3206
Mislim da ćete večeras imati
milion partnera za večeru!
milion partnera za večeru!
19:00
(Applause)
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1128929
1979
(Aplauz)
19:02
Thank you, thank you.
416
1130932
1181
Hvala vam, hvala vam.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Helen Fisher - Anthropologist, expert on loveAnthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She’s best known as an expert on romantic love.
Why you should listen
Fisher's several books lay bare the mysteries of our most treasured emotion: its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its vital importance to human society. Fisher describes love as a universal human drive (stronger than the sex drive; stronger than thirst or hunger; stronger perhaps than the will to live), and her many areas of inquiry shed light on timeless human mysteries like why we choose one partner over another. Her classic study, Anatomy of Love, first published in 1992, has just been re-issued in a fully updated edition, including her recent neuroimaging research on lust, romantic love and attachment as well as discussions of sexting, hooking up, friends with benefits, other contemporary trends in courtship and marriage, and a dramatic current trend she calls “slow love.”
Helen Fisher | Speaker | TED.com