TED@State Street Boston
Joe Kowan: How I beat stage fright
Joe Kowan: Kuidas ma rambipalavikust võitu sain
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Inimkonna arenenud hirmutunnetusest oli meile alguses kasu. See aitas meil vältida võistlevate liikide poolt sööduks tulemist. Aga pole kaugeltki nii tore, kui sama hirm tekib 20 folkmuusika fänni ees teisipäevaõhtu open micis. Poepesad lähevad higiseks, käed värisevad, nägemine muutub häguseks ja aju käsib jooksu pista. Selline on rambipalavik. Selles toredas, musikaalses kõnes räägib Joe Kowan, kuidas ta oma hirmust üle sai.
Joe Kowan - Musician and graphic designer
By day he's a graphic designer, and by night Joe Kowan is a quirky folk singer-songwriter. Full bio
By day he's a graphic designer, and by night Joe Kowan is a quirky folk singer-songwriter. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Joe Kowan: I have stage fright.
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Joe Kowan: Mul on rambipalavik.
00:14
I've always had stage fright,
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Mul on see alati olnud,
ja see pole vaid väike pabin,
00:15
and not just a little bit,
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00:17
it's a big bit.
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see on päris tõsist sorti.
Enne 27 aastaseks saamist
polnud sel mingit tähtsust.
polnud sel mingit tähtsust.
00:19
And it didn't even matter until I was 27.
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00:21
That's when I started writing songs, and even then
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Sel aastal hakkasin laule
kirjutama,
kirjutama,
kuid ma mängisin
00:24
I only played them for myself.
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neid ainult endale.
00:26
Just knowing my roommates were in the
same house made me uncomfortable.
same house made me uncomfortable.
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Isegi mu toakaaslaste kodus
olemine tegi mind närviliseks.
olemine tegi mind närviliseks.
Mõne aasta pärast ei piisanud
enam laulude kirjutamisest.
enam laulude kirjutamisest.
00:30
But after a couple of years,
just writing songs wasn't enough.
just writing songs wasn't enough.
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00:32
I had all these stories and ideas,
and I wanted to share them with people,
and I wanted to share them with people,
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Mul oli palju lugusi ja ideesi
ja tahtsin neid jagada,
ja tahtsin neid jagada,
aga ma ei saanud
00:35
but physiologically, I couldn't do it.
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sellega füsioloogilistel
põhjustel hakkama.
põhjustel hakkama.
00:39
I had this irrational fear.
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Mul oli irratsionaalne hirm.
00:42
But the more I wrote, and the more I practiced,
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Mida enam laule kirjutasin,
ja mida rohkem
harjutasin
harjutasin
00:44
the more I wanted to perform.
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seda rohkem tahtsin
esineda.
esineda.
00:45
So on the week of my 30th birthday,
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Oma 30. aasta sünnipäeval otsustasin,
00:47
I decided I was going to go to this local open mic,
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et võtan osa kohalikust open micist
ja unustan oma hirmu.
00:50
and put this fear behind me.
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Kui ma sinna jõudsin, oli maja
inimesi täis.
inimesi täis.
00:52
Well, when I got there, it was packed.
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00:55
There were like 20 people there.
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Seal oli oma 20 inimest.
(Naer)
00:57
(Laughter)
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00:58
And they all looked angry.
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Nad kõik paistsid pahurad välja.
01:01
But I took a deep breath, and I signed up to play,
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Ma tõmbasin sügavalt hinge ja
panin ennast kirja.
panin ennast kirja.
Tundsin ennast päris hästi.
01:05
and I felt pretty good.
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Tunne kestis seni,
01:06
Pretty good, until about 10 minutes before my turn,
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kuni minu esinemiseni oli jäänud 10 minutit.
Mu terve keha hakkas vastu
ja paanika laine voogas minust üle.
ja paanika laine voogas minust üle.
01:09
when my whole body rebelled, and
this wave of anxiety just washed over me.
this wave of anxiety just washed over me.
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01:15
Now, when you experience fear,
your sympathetic nervous system kicks in.
your sympathetic nervous system kicks in.
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Hirmu tunne tekib inimese
sümpaatilises närvisüsteemis.
sümpaatilises närvisüsteemis.
Adrenaliin hakkab voolama,
01:18
So you have a rush of adrenaline,
your heart rate increases,
your heart rate increases,
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pulss tõuseb
01:21
your breathing gets faster.
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ja hingamine kiireneb.
01:23
Next your non-essential systems start
to shut down, like digestion. (Laughter)
to shut down, like digestion. (Laughter)
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Vähem tähtsad elutegevused,
nt. seedimine, seiskuvad.
nt. seedimine, seiskuvad.
(Naer)
01:29
So your mouth gets dry, and blood is routed
away from your extremities,
away from your extremities,
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Suu kuivab,
jäsemete vereringe väheneb,
ja sõrmed ei kuula enam sõna.
ja sõrmed ei kuula enam sõna.
01:32
so your fingers don't work anymore.
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Pupillid ja lihased tõmbuvad kokku,
Ämblikmehe meeled ärkavad,
Ämblikmehe meeled ärkavad,
01:35
Your pupils dilate, your muscles contract,
your Spidey sense tingles,
your Spidey sense tingles,
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ühesõnaga: terve keha on võitlusvalmis.
01:38
basically your whole body is trigger-happy.
(Laughter)
(Laughter)
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(Naer)
01:43
That condition is not conducive
to performing folk music.
to performing folk music.
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Selline olek ei aita folk muusika
esitamisele kaasa.
esitamisele kaasa.
01:48
(Laughter)
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(Naer)
01:49
I mean, your nervous system is an idiot.
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Närvisüsteem on täielik idioot.
01:52
Really? Two hundred thousand years of human evolution, and it still can't tell the difference
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Tõsiselt?
Kaks tuhat aastat
evolutsiooni
evolutsiooni
ja sa ei oska ikka veel
mõõkhammastiigrit
mõõkhammastiigrit
01:56
between a saber tooth tiger and 20 folksingers
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õhtul esinema tulnud
folklauljatest eristada?
folklauljatest eristada?
01:58
on a Tuesday night open mic?
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(Naer)
02:00
(Laughter)
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02:02
I have never been more terrified -- until now.
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Ma ei ole kunagi nii hirmul olnud -- kuni tänaseni.
(Publik naerab ja hõiskab)
02:06
(Laughter and cheers)
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Minu kord jõudis kätte
02:15
So then it was my turn,
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02:17
and somehow, I get myself onto
the stage, I start my song,
the stage, I start my song,
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ja ma sain ennast kuidagi lavale.
Avasin oma suu,
et esimest rida laulda,
et esimest rida laulda,
02:20
I open my mouth to sing the first line,
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ja ma kuulsin, kuidas mu
suust lainetas
suust lainetas
02:23
and this completely horrible vibrato --
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õudne vibraato - värisev hääl.
02:25
you know, when your voice wavers --
comes streaming out.
comes streaming out.
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02:27
And this is not the good kind of vibrato,
like an opera singer has,
like an opera singer has,
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See polnud
ooperilaulja vibraato,
ooperilaulja vibraato,
02:30
this is my whole body just convulsing with fear.
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vaid minu terve keha
tõmblemisest tekkinud hääl.
tõmblemisest tekkinud hääl.
02:33
I mean, it's a nightmare.
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See oli täielik õudusunenägu.
02:34
I'm embarrassed, the audience
is clearly uncomfortable,
is clearly uncomfortable,
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Mul oli piinlik ja ka publik
tundis ennast kehvasti,
tundis ennast kehvasti,
02:37
they're focused on my discomfort.
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kuna pidi minu vaevlemist vaatama.
See oli nii hirmus.
02:39
It was so bad.
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02:43
But that was my first real experience
as a solo singer-songwriter.
as a solo singer-songwriter.
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Aga see oli ka minu esimene
tõeline kogemus laulja-laulutegijana.
tõeline kogemus laulja-laulutegijana.
02:47
And something good did happen --
I had the tiniest little glimpse
I had the tiniest little glimpse
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Sel hetkel juhtus ka midagi head:
ma sain korraks tunda publiku
ja artisti vahelisest ühendusest.
ja artisti vahelisest ühendusest.
02:50
of that audience connection that I was hoping for.
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02:52
And I wanted more. But I knew
I had to get past this nervousness.
I had to get past this nervousness.
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Ma tahtsin seda uuesti tunda.
Ma pidin oma hirmust üle saama.
Ma pidin oma hirmust üle saama.
02:56
That night I promised myself:
I would go back every week
I would go back every week
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Sel õhtul lubasin endale,
et lähen iga nädal tagasi
et lähen iga nädal tagasi
03:00
until I wasn't nervous anymore.
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kuni ma enam ei pabista.
03:02
And I did. I went back every single week,
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Seda ma ka tegin:
läksin iga nädal tagasi.
läksin iga nädal tagasi.
03:04
and sure enough, week after week,
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Nagu ma arvasin,
kordus iga kord sama asi.
See ei aidanud mitte põrmugi! (Naer)
03:08
it didn't get any better. The same
thing happened every week. (Laughter)
thing happened every week. (Laughter)
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Ma ei saanud sellest lahti.
03:12
I couldn't shake it.
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Siis kogesin ma ilmutuse.
03:14
And that's when I had an epiphany.
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Mäletan seda hästi,
sest seda ei juhtu eriti tihti. (Naer)
sest seda ei juhtu eriti tihti. (Naer)
03:16
And I remember it really well, because I
don't have a lot of epiphanies. (Laughter)
don't have a lot of epiphanies. (Laughter)
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03:22
All I had to do was write a song
that exploits my nervousness.
that exploits my nervousness.
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Ma pean oma
närvilisusest laulu tegema.
03:26
That only seems authentic when I have stage fright,
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See on usutav vaid siis,
kui sul on rambipalavik
kui sul on rambipalavik
ja teadsin, et mida
närvilisem olen,
närvilisem olen,
03:28
and the more nervous I was,
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03:29
the better the song would be. Easy.
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seda paremini see välja kukub. Lihtne.
03:32
So I started writing a song about having stage fright.
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Niisiis hakkasin kirjutama
laulu rambipalavikust.
laulu rambipalavikust.
03:36
First, fessing up to the problem,
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Alustasin ülestunnistusega, jätkasin
sümptomitega, kirjeldasin mida tunnen,
03:39
the physical manifestations, how I would feel,
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03:40
how the listener might feel.
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ja mida publik võib tunda.
03:42
And then accounting for things like my shaky voice,
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Mainisin enda värisevat häält,
sest teadsin,
sest teadsin,
et laulan arvatavasti kõrgemalt
kui tavaliselt,
kui tavaliselt,
03:44
and I knew I would be singing about a
half-octave higher than normal,
half-octave higher than normal,
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sest ma pabistasin.
03:47
because I was nervous.
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03:49
By having a song that explained
what was happening to me,
what was happening to me,
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Laulu abil sain seletada,
mis minuga toimub,
ja publikul oli võimalus kaasa mõelda.
03:53
while it was happening,
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03:54
that gave the audience permission to think about it.
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03:56
They didn't have to feel bad
for me because I was nervous,
for me because I was nervous,
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Nad ei pidanud mind enam haletsema,
03:59
they could experience that with me,
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nad said seda koos minuga kogeda,
04:00
and we were all one big happy, nervous,
uncomfortable family. (Laughter)
uncomfortable family. (Laughter)
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ja me olime suur õnnelik,
närviline pere.
närviline pere.
(Naer)
04:06
By thinking about my audience,
by embracing and exploiting my problem,
by embracing and exploiting my problem,
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Tänu publikule mõtlemisele,
probleemi möönmisele
ja käikurakendamisele
sain muuta
sain muuta
04:10
I was able to take something
that was blocking my progress,
that was blocking my progress,
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pidurdava faktori
õnnestumise eelduseks.
õnnestumise eelduseks.
04:13
and turn it into something that
was essential for my success.
was essential for my success.
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Laul aitas mind kohe
esinemise alguses
esinemise alguses
04:17
And having the stage fright song let
me get past that biggest issue
me get past that biggest issue
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kõige suuremast probleemist üle.
04:20
right in the beginning of a performance.
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Sain ülejäänud laulud
04:22
And then I could move on,
and play the rest of my songs
and play the rest of my songs
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tsipake rahulikumalt ära laulda.
04:24
with just a little bit more ease.
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04:27
And eventually, over time, I didn't
have to play the stage fright song at all.
have to play the stage fright song at all.
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Lõpuks ei olnud mul seda laulu
enam üldse vaja.
enam üldse vaja.
Välja arvatud siis, kui olin
eriti hirmul, nagu nüüd.
eriti hirmul, nagu nüüd.
04:33
Except for when I was really
nervous, like now. (Laughter)
nervous, like now. (Laughter)
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(Naer)
Kas ma tohiksin teile oma
rambipalaviku laulu laulda?
rambipalaviku laulu laulda?
04:40
Would it be okay if I played the
stage fright song for you?
stage fright song for you?
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(Publik plaksutab)
04:43
(Applause)
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Kas ma saaksin lonksukese vett?
04:52
Can I have a sip of water?
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04:55
(Music)
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(Muusika)
05:00
Thank you.
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Aitäh.
05:07
♫ I'm not joking, you know, ♫
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♫ Kas tead, ma ei tee nalja, ♫
05:10
♫ this stage fright is real. ♫
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♫ see rambipalavik on tõeline. ♫
05:15
♫ And if I'm up here trembling and singing, ♫
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♫ Ma värisen siin laval ja laulan, ♫
05:19
♫ well, you'll know how I feel. ♫
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♫ sa saad teada, mida ma tunnen, ♫
05:23
♫ And the mistake I'd be making, ♫
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♫ ja näed vigu, mida ma teen, ♫
05:27
♫ the tremolo caused by my whole body shaking. ♫
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♫ kuuled mu keha värisemise vibraatot. ♫
05:31
♫ As you sit there feeling embarrassed for me, ♫
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♫ Sa tunned minu pärast piinlikust, ♫
05:34
♫ well, you don't have to be. ♫
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♫ aga sa ei pea nii tundma ♫
05:37
♫ Well, maybe just a little bit. ♫
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♫ Või ehk ainult õige natuke ♫
(Naer)
05:40
(Laughter)
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05:41
♫ And maybe I'll try to imagine
you all without clothes. ♫
you all without clothes. ♫
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♫ Ehk kujutan ma ette,
et olete ihualasti, ♫
et olete ihualasti, ♫
05:49
♫ But singing in front of all naked strangers
scares me more than anyone knows. ♫
scares me more than anyone knows. ♫
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♫ aga alasti inimeste ees laulmine
on minu arust väga hirmutav. ♫
on minu arust väga hirmutav. ♫
05:57
♫ Not to discuss this at length, ♫
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♫ Lühidalt öeldes, ♫
♫ pole mu enesehinnang kunagi hea olnud. ♫
06:01
♫ but my body image was never my strength. ♫
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06:06
♫ So frankly, I wish that you all would get dressed, ♫
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♫ Ausalt öeldes sooviksin,
et te end riidesse paneksite, ♫
et te end riidesse paneksite, ♫
♫ sest te ei ole ju päriselt alasti. ♫
06:10
♫ I mean, you're not even really naked. ♫
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06:15
♫ And I'm the one with the problem. ♫
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♫ Ja pealegi on see minu probleem. ♫
06:18
♫ And you tell me, don't worry
so much, you'll be great. ♫
so much, you'll be great. ♫
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♫ Te ütlete: "Ära muretse,
kõik läheb imeliselt". ♫
kõik läheb imeliselt". ♫
06:25
♫ But I'm the one living with me ♫
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♫ aga ma tunnen ennast hästi ♫
♫ ja tean, kuidas ma käituda võin. ♫
06:28
♫ and I know how I get. ♫
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♫ Teie soovitus on hea aga hilinenud ♫
06:30
♫ Your advice is gentle but late. ♫
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06:35
♫ If not just a bit patronizing. ♫
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♫ ja võib-olla ka tibake üleolev. ♫
06:38
♫ And that sarcastic tone doesn't
help me when I sing. ♫
help me when I sing. ♫
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♫ Sarkastilisest hääletoonist
ei ole lauldes abi. ♫
ei ole lauldes abi. ♫
06:43
♫ But we shouldn't talk about
these things right now, ♫
these things right now, ♫
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♫ Me peaksime praegu rääkima sellest, ♫
06:47
♫ really, I'm up on stage, and
you're in the crowd. Hi. ♫
you're in the crowd. Hi. ♫
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♫ et ma olen lava peal
ja sina oled publikus. ♫
ja sina oled publikus. ♫
Tere
06:54
♫ And I'm not making fun of
unnurtured, irrrational fear, ♫
unnurtured, irrrational fear, ♫
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♫ Ma ei tee selle ebaloogilise
hirmu üle nalja, ♫
hirmu üle nalja, ♫
♫ ja kui ma ei oleks valmis
sellega silmitsi seisma, ♫
sellega silmitsi seisma, ♫
07:03
♫ and if I wasn't ready to face this, ♫
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07:06
♫ I sure as hell wouldn't be here. ♫
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♫ ei oleks ma kohe kindlasti
praegu siin. ♫
praegu siin. ♫
07:10
♫ But if I belt one note out clearly, ♫
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♫ Aga kui ma suudan ühegi noodi
selgelt välja laulda, ♫
selgelt välja laulda, ♫
07:15
♫ you'll know I'm recovering slowly but surely. ♫
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♫ võite kindlad olla, et ma paranen
aeglaselt aga kindlalt. ♫
aeglaselt aga kindlalt. ♫
07:20
♫ And maybe next week, I'll set my guitar ringin' ♫
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♫ Ja võib-olla järgmisel nädalal
heliseb mu kitarr, ♫
heliseb mu kitarr, ♫
07:24
♫ my voice clear as water, and everyone singin'. ♫
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♫ mu hääl on selge kui vesi ja
kõik laulavad kaasa. ♫
kõik laulavad kaasa. ♫
07:28
♫ But probably I'll just get up and start groovin', ♫
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♫ Aga arvatavasti ma lihtsalt tulen lavale
ja hakkan kaifima, ♫
ja hakkan kaifima, ♫
07:32
♫ my vocal cords movin', ♫
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♫ mu häälepaelad liikumas, ♫
07:35
♫ at speeds slightly faster than sound. ♫
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♫ veidike kiiremini kui heli. ♫
07:48
(Applause)
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(Publik plaksutab)
Reviewed by Karl Hein
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Joe Kowan - Musician and graphic designerBy day he's a graphic designer, and by night Joe Kowan is a quirky folk singer-songwriter.
Why you should listen
Joe Kowan is a Boston-based musician and graphic designer who has been struggling with stage fright since he first started writing songs at age 27. Despite his adorably expressed fears, he charms audiences with his own style of quirky folk and acoustic hip-hop, by turns poignant, salacious and comical. In 2009 he released the gangsta' arts and crafts video for his original song “Crafty,” and in 2011 he was a finalist in the USA Songwriting Competition.
Kowan is a senior graphic designer on State Street Global Marketing’s Brand Strategy team. With a BFA in sculpture and design, his work explores diverse areas of design including scenic, print, environmental design and wayfinding.
Joe Kowan | Speaker | TED.com