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TED2008

John Hodgman: Aliens, love -- where are they?

ジョン・ホッジマン 「失なわれた時間に関するちょっとした話」

February 2, 2008

ユーモア作家ジョン・ホッジマンがとりとめもなく話すのは,エイリアン,物理学,時間,空間,および,これらすべてのものが恋に落ちるときの甘く完璧な記憶に何らかの形で影響を与えることについてです

John Hodgman - Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign. Full bio

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Double-click the English subtitles below to play the video.
You all know this story.
みなさん ご存知でしょう
00:18
In the summer of 1950,
1950年 夏
00:20
Enrico Fermi, the Italian-American physicist
イタリア系物理学者で
00:22
and atomic-pile builder,
原子炉を建設した エンリコ・フェルミは
00:24
went to lunch at Los Alamos National Laboratory
ロス・アラモス研究所で昼食をとるため
00:27
and joined some colleagues there, and asked them a question:
同僚に合流して ある質問をしました
00:29
"Where is everybody?"
"みんな どこにいるんだ?"
00:32
This confused his colleagues, obviously,
同僚はとまどいました
00:34
because they were sitting right there with him.
みんな 一緒にいたからです
00:37
And then he had to clarify that he wasn't talking about them.
フェルミはこう説明しました
00:39
He was talking about the space aliens.
"みんな"とは エイリアンのことだ と
00:42
You see, this was only a few years after
数年前ニューメキシコ州ロズウェルで
00:45
the supposed flying saucer crash
円盤らしき物体が
00:47
at Roswell, New Mexico.
墜落したばかりでした
00:49
And even though that turned out to be nothing,
結局それは事件ではなく―
00:51
nothing at all --
本当に何でもなかったとしても―
00:53
(Laughter) --
(笑)―
00:55
merely a downed weather balloon
墜落したのは 気象観測風船で
00:58
piloted by small hairless men
操縦していたのが 小柄で毛が一本もなく
01:00
with slits for mouths ...
口の小さい生き物だったとしても...
01:03
Still, America had gone saucer-mad,
アメリカの円盤フィーバーは
01:06
even famous scientists
ランチ中の高名な科学者すら
01:08
who were eating lunch.
巻き込んでいました
01:10
Fermi's reasoning, if I may paraphrase badly,
大まかに言ってフェルミはこう考えました
01:12
is that the universe is so vast
宇宙はとてつもなく広大だ
01:14
that it stands to reason,
だから 知的生命がいることは―
01:16
there should be other intelligent life out there.
当然であろう さらに―
01:18
And the universe is so old
宇宙はとてつもなく古いので
01:21
that unless we were the very first civilization ever to evolve,
我々の文明が宇宙初のものでないと仮定すると
01:23
we should have some evidence of their existence by now.
もう知的生命の証拠があってもいいはずだ
01:26
And yet, to the best of our knowledge, we are alone.
なのに 今のところ 我々は孤独な存在なのだ
01:29
"Where is everybody?" asked Fermi,
フェルミは"みんな どこだろう"と問いましたが
01:32
and his colleagues had no answer.
こたえは返ってきません
01:35
Fermi then went on with the same blunt logic
それからフェルミは この論法で
01:38
to disprove fairies,
頭ごなしに妖精や
01:40
Sasquatch, God,
サスカッチや 神や
01:42
the possibility of love --
愛の可能性を 否定していきました
01:44
and thereafter, as you know,
その後 エンリコ・フェルミは
01:47
Enrico Fermi ate alone.
一人で食事をとりました
01:49
(Laughter)
(笑)
01:51
Now,
さて
01:54
I am not a scientist.
わたし自身は 科学者ではありません
01:55
I have never built an atomic pile.
原子炉は組み立てたことがありません
01:58
Although, I might argue that, technically,
ただ 厳密には 組み立てられるものは
02:01
every pile is atomic.
すべて原子で 出来ていますが
02:03
(Laughter)
(笑)
02:05
However, with respect, I might point out two possibilities
それでも 2つの可能性を指摘しましょう
02:08
that Enrico Fermi perhaps did not consider.
フェルミがおそらく検討しなかった可能性です
02:11
One is that the aliens might be
第1にエイリアンは とても
02:14
very far away.
遠くにいるのかもしれない
02:16
Perhaps, I dare say,
他の惑星にいることだって
02:18
even on other planets.
考えられる
02:20
The other possibility --
もうひとつの可能性は―
02:23
(Laughter) --
(笑)―
02:25
is, perhaps, Enrico Fermi himself
エンリコ・フェルミ自身が
02:27
was an alien.
エイリアンだった
02:29
(Laughter)
(笑)
02:31
Think about it.
考えてください
02:34
Isn't it a little convenient
世界大戦の最中 どこからともなく
02:36
that in the midst of the World War, out of nowhere,
驚くべきテクノロジーを手にした
02:38
suddenly an Italian scientist showed up
イタリア人科学者があらわれて
02:41
with an amazing new technology
世界のすべてを 変え―
02:43
that would transform everything in the world
人類の歴史に永遠の闇をもたらす
02:45
and darken the history of the human species forever after?
ちょっと都合がよすぎませんか?
02:47
And isn't it a little strange
それに 彼がその報酬を
02:51
that he required no payment for this?
求めないのも おかしい話です
02:53
That he asked for only one thing --
唯一求めたものが―
02:56
a gift of two healthy sperm whales?
2頭のシロナガスクジラだったことも
02:58
That's -- that's not true.
それは ― まあ 嘘ですが
03:01
But it is strange.
でも 変でしょう
03:03
(Laughter)
(笑)
03:05
And if Enrico Fermi were indeed a space alien,
それに もしフェルミがエイリアンだとすると
03:09
wouldn't he be the first to have tried to convince
宇宙人はまだ来ていないと
03:12
his fellow scientists
同僚の科学者を
03:14
that the space aliens are not already here?
説得しようとするのでは?
03:16
For it is given in certain UFO-ology
UFO学 ユーフォロジー団体の
03:20
or UFOlogy circles,
一部で事実とされていることは
03:22
that the aliens are already here and have been for millennia;
すでに何千年もの間エイリアンは地球におり
03:25
that they have walked among us in disguise,
変装をして潜入し
03:28
observing us, guiding our evolution
我々を観察し
03:30
from ape to man --
猿から人間への進化を導いてきた―
03:32
if you believe in that sort of thing --
進化論を信じるなら ですが―
03:34
and, occasionally, kidnapping us in their flying saucers
さらに ときどき円盤で人を誘拐し
03:37
and taking us away to have sex with us in pyramids.
ピラミッドでセックスするのです
03:40
(Laughter)
(笑)
03:43
It's a difficult theory to discount,
否定は難しい
03:45
I think you'll agree.
そうでしょう?
03:47
(Laughter)
(笑)
03:49
For even in my own life,
わたし自身の人生にも
03:51
there are memories I have
説明しがたい
03:53
that are difficult to explain --
記憶があります―
03:55
happenings that are so odd and unaccountably weird,
あまりに奇妙な出来事なので
03:57
that it is difficult to imagine
生涯を通じて長期間 ひんぱんに
03:59
they were not the result
エイリアンと接触した結果であると
04:01
of prolonged and frequent contact with aliens throughout my life.
考えざるを えないのです
04:03
For how else will you explain
他にどう説明したらよいでしょう
04:06
the amazing and absolutely true
これからお話しする
04:08
close encounters that I had
わたしが経験した接近遭遇の
04:10
and will describe to you now?
驚くべき真実の物語を
04:12
Encounter one: Ocean City, New Jersey, 1980.
接近遭遇1 1980年ニュージャージー州オーシャンシティ
04:15
This was the summer when the special edition of
この夏「未知との遭遇 特別編」が
04:17
"Close Encounters of the Third Kind" was released.
公開されました
04:20
And I went on vacation with my parents to the Jersey shore.
わたしは両親と休暇でジャージー・ショアにいました
04:22
Within 12 hours, I was horribly sunburned,
着いて12時間で わたしはひどく日焼けしました
04:25
just like Richard Dreyfuss in the movie.
リチャード・ドレイファスと同じです
04:28
(Laughter)
(笑)
04:30
And so I spent the rest of the vacation
だから休暇の残りは もっぱら
04:31
largely sitting outside our little rental house at night,
夜 レンタルハウスの外の
04:34
the sidewalk still warm from the sun,
太陽の暖かさが残る 歩道で
04:37
watching the skies for UFOs.
UFOを探して 空を眺めていました
04:39
What did I see? Stars, satellites,
見えたものは 星や人工衛星や
04:42
blinking airplanes -- typical sky junk.
明滅する飛行機 ― よくある空のクズでした
04:44
Occasionally, kids would come and
子ども達が来て
04:47
join me and watch,
一緒に空を眺めることもありました
04:48
but their necks soon got sore, and they would go off to the boardwalk
でも すぐ首が痛くなって 遊歩道へと
04:50
to play video games and mingle with humans.
ゲームや人と遊びに行ってしまいました
04:53
I was pretty good at the video games. I was not very good at the other part,
わたしはゲームは得意でも 人間の方は苦手で
04:56
so I stayed alone with the cosmos.
ひとり大宇宙を見ていました
04:59
And that's when it happened.
事件はその時 起きました
05:02
An elderly couple came walking down the street.
お年寄りのカップルが通りを歩いて来ました
05:04
I would say they were in their late seventies,
70代後半だったと思います
05:07
and I would say that they were on a date,
デートの最中だったのでしょう
05:09
because he was wearing a very neat little suit
男性は小ざっぱりした茶色のスーツで
05:11
with a yellow tie -- a brown suit.
黄色のネクタイ
05:14
And she was wearing a cardigan, because it was now fully night
女性はカーディガン姿 すっかり夜も更けて
05:16
and a chill was coming in off the ocean.
冷気が海から伝わってきました
05:19
I remember, for some reason,
なぜか 思い出すのは
05:21
that they were exactly the same height.
2人が同じ背丈だったこと
05:23
And then they stopped, and the man turned to me
彼らは立ち止まり 男性が
05:26
and said,
わたしに言いました
05:28
"What are you looking for,
"何を探しているのかね―
05:30
flying saucers?"
空飛ぶ円盤かい?"
05:32
(Laughter)
(笑)
05:34
You have to admit, that's a pretty boss piece of detective work
デ―ト中のお年寄りにしては
05:37
for an old man on a date.
正確すぎる推理でしょう?
05:40
But what was stranger still --
それ以上に奇妙なこと―
05:42
and even I realized it at the time,
当時9才のわたしでさえ
05:44
as a nine-year-old child --
気づいたことは―
05:46
was that they stopped at all.
二人が立ち止まったことでした
05:48
That this old man would interrupt his moonlight stroll
この老人は彼女との散歩を
05:50
with his sweetheart with the precise reason
子どもをからかうために
05:52
of making fun of a child.
わざわざ中断したのです
05:54
"Oh," he said,
彼は言いました "おお―
05:57
"little green men."
緑の小さい奴か"
05:59
And then his girlfriend joined in, too.
ガールフレンドも言いました
06:01
"There's no such thing as space men," she said.
"宇宙人なんて存在しない"
06:04
"There's no such thing."
"存在しないの そんなものは"
06:06
And then they both laughed. "Ha, ha, ha."
そして二人は笑いました "は は は"
06:09
I looked around.
わたしは辺りを見回しました
06:12
The street was entirely empty.
通りに人影はありません
06:14
I had stopped hearing the sound of the ocean.
海の音は聞こえていませんでした
06:16
It was as though time had stopped.
時間が止まってしまったようでした
06:18
I did not know why they were teasing me.
二人がわたしを からかった理由は謎です
06:21
I looked into their strangely angry faces,
奇妙に怒ったような彼らの顔を見て
06:23
and I remember wondering,
わたしはこう思いました
06:26
are they wearing rubber masks?
ゴムマスクをつけているんだろうか
06:28
(Laughter)
(笑)
06:30
And what would be behind those rubber masks, if they were?
だとしたら その下には何があるんだろう?
06:32
Giant, almond-shaped, unblinking eyes?
大きな アーモンド形の まぶたのない目だろうか
06:35
Slits for mouths?
小さな口だろうか?
06:39
The old man crooked his finger as though he were firing a gun,
男性が銃を撃つように指を曲げて
06:41
and then he made laser sounds.
レーザー光線のまねをしました
06:43
"Kew, kew, kew --
"キュン キュン キュン ―
06:45
watch out."
気をつけろ"
06:47
And they turned at once and walked away.
そして2人はすぐ去りました
06:49
The old man reached out
男性は節くれだった手を
06:51
his knobbly claw
彼女へと のばし
06:53
for the woman's hand,
手をつないで去りました
06:55
and found it, and left me alone.
わたしをひとり残して
06:57
Now, you could describe this as a simple misunderstanding --
さて この場面を単なる誤解―
06:59
a strange encounter among humans.
人間同士の遭遇と 片付けてもいい
07:02
Maybe it was swamp gas, but --
沼地ガスの見間違いだと でも―
07:04
(Laughter) --
(笑)―
07:06
I know what I saw.
わたしが見たことは確かです
07:08
Close encounter two: Brookline, Massachusetts, 1984.
接近遭遇2 1984年マサチューセッツ州ブルックライン
07:11
I went to see the movie "Dune,"
映画「デューン/砂の惑星」に行ったとき
07:15
and a girl talked to me. Now, on its face --
女の子が話しかけてきたのです 明らかに―
07:17
(Laughter) --
(笑)―
07:20
this is impossible on its face, I realize --
明らかにありえないことです
07:23
but it is absolutely true.
でも 本当です
07:25
It was opening night, naturally.
もちろん公開初日でした
07:27
I went with my friend Tim McGonigal, who sat on my left.
友人のティム・マクゴニガルが一緒でした
07:29
On my right was the girl in question.
左にティム 右には問題の女の子
07:32
She had long, curly black hair, a blue jean jacket.
長くカールした黒髪 デニムのジャケットを着ています
07:34
I remember, she had some sort of injury to her ankle,
覚えているのは 彼女は足首をけがしていて
07:37
an Ace bandage, and she had crutches.
包帯をし 松葉杖をもっていました
07:40
She was very tall, I would say.
背はとても高かった と思います
07:42
I was starting high school at the time. I would say she was a junior,
当時わたしは高校1年 彼女は2年生のようでした
07:44
but I had never seen her before. She didn't go to my school.
ただ見たことはなく 学校が違ったようです
07:47
I didn't know her name, and I never will.
名前もわからず 聞こうともしません
07:49
She was sitting with someone who I presume was her mother,
彼女は 母親らしき人と一緒に
07:52
and they were talking about the novel, "Dune."
小説「デューン」について話していました
07:54
They were both big fans, mother and daughter --
二人は 母娘ともに 熱狂的なファン―
07:57
very unusual.
とても奇妙
07:59
They were talking about how their favorite characters
話していたのは 好きなキャラクターが
08:01
were the giant sandworms.
巨大なサンドワームだ ということでした
08:03
And then it got stranger.
ここで さらに奇妙なことが起こります
08:06
That's when she turned to me and said,
ふと彼女がこちらを向いて言うのです
08:08
"Are you looking forward to seeing the movie?"
"この映画を見るの 楽しみ?"
08:10
(Laughter)
(笑)
08:13
First of all, I was embarrassed
わたしは困りました
08:15
because I had not read the novel "Dune" at that time.
当時まだ小説は読んでなかったのです
08:16
I was merely a connoisseur of movies
当時のわたしは ただの映画マニアで
08:19
featuring desert planets, as I still am.
砂漠の惑星がでる映画 専門でした
08:21
(Laughter)
(笑)
08:23
But it was also the tone of how she asked the question:
それに彼女の口調は 唐突で
08:25
apropos of nothing, like she didn't even care about the answer,
返答すら気にしない―
08:27
as though she just wanted to talk to me.
ただ話しかけたかっただけという感じでした
08:30
I did not know what to say. I said, "Yes."
何を言ってよいかわからず "うん" と答えました
08:34
I did not even turn my head.
顔の向きも変えずに です
08:37
The movie began.
映画が始まりました
08:40
I need not remind you that this was David Lynch's version of "Dune,"
言うまでもなく映画はデビッド・リンチ版で
08:42
in which all of the characters
キャラクターすべてが
08:45
were sexy and deformed at the same time.
セクシーかつ デフォルメされていました
08:48
(Laughter)
(笑)
08:50
There was a character called the Third-Stage Guild Navigator,
ギルドのナビゲータというキャラクターは
08:52
which was a kind of giant, floating fetus-creature
巨大な 浮遊する 胎児のような生き物で
08:55
that lived in a giant tank with this orange mist
幻覚性のスパイスが オレンジの霞になってうずまく
08:58
of psychedelic spice
巨大なタンクの中で
09:01
swirling around him,
生きています
09:03
allowing him to bend space and time.
スパイスの力で 時空をねじ曲げるのです
09:05
He could never leave the tank
ナビゲータはタンクから出られず
09:07
or interact with the outside world.
外界との接触もありません
09:09
He had become, in his isolation,
孤独に生きるうちに
09:11
so deformed and so sexy,
変形し セクシーになりすぎて
09:13
that he had to talk through a kind of old-timey radio
古いラジオみたいな機械を通してしか
09:15
to the outside world, and could never touch them.
外と会話できず 触れられない
09:18
I mean, I liked him a lot better than the sandworms.
サンドワームなんかよりずっと好きでした
09:21
The sandworms were fine, but your favorite character?
サンドワームもいいけど 一番好きかと聞かれると
09:24
Please.
よしてほしいですね
09:27
When the movie ended,
映画が終わって
09:29
everyone seemed very happy
みんな うずうずしているようでした
09:31
to get up and get out of the theatre as soon as possible.
早く劇場から出たかったのです
09:33
Except for the girl.
でも例の女の子だけは別でした
09:36
As I walked out, her pace slowed.
わたしが出るとき 彼女の歩みが遅くなりました
09:38
Perhaps it was the crutches,
松葉杖のせいかもしれませんが
09:40
but it seemed --
でも 彼女は―
09:42
(Laughter) --
(笑)―
09:44
it seemed as though she might want to talk to me again.
もう一度 わたしに 話しかけたいようでした
09:46
When I say it out loud, it sounds so ridiculous,
こう言うと変に思われるかもしれませんが
09:50
but I can only come to the conclusion
わたしが出した結論は
09:53
that it was what, in the alien abductee community,
この出来事は エイリアンに誘拐された人々が
09:55
they call a "screen memory":
"隠ぺい記憶"と呼ぶものだということです
09:58
a ridiculous false recollection designed by their brain
これは馬鹿げたニセの記憶で 脳が生み出します
10:01
to cover up some trauma -- say, of being kidnapped
例えば 誘拐されてセックス・ピラミッドに
10:04
and flown off to a sex pyramid.
飛ばされたトラウマを隠ぺいします
10:06
(Laughter)
(笑)
10:08
And so I sure am glad
だから歩調を遅くして
10:10
I did not slow down to talk to her.
彼女と話さなくてよかったと思います
10:12
I sure am glad I never saw her again.
彼女に二度と会わなくてよかった
10:14
Close encounter three: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
接近遭遇3 ペンシルバニア州フィラデルフィア
10:18
1989.
1989年
10:21
In the mid-to-late '80s,
1980年代の後半に
10:23
the novelist Whitley Strieber wrote a book called "Communion,"
作家 ストリーバーが「コミュニオン」を発表します
10:25
in which he described his own lifelong experiences
この本で彼は 長年にわたって―
10:28
being abducted by aliens.
エイリアンに誘拐され続けた経験を描いています
10:30
And he also described the phenomenon known in this community
また同じ経験をもつ人々が"ロスト・タイム"と
10:33
as "lost time,"
呼ぶ現象について書いています
10:35
where Whitley Strieber would suddenly become aware
ストリーバーは急に気づきます
10:37
that he could not remember the previous ten minutes,
自分が過去10分間 10時間 10年間の
10:39
or the previous ten hours, or the previous ten days.
出来事を思い出せないことに
10:42
And would come to the conclusion that that was when the aliens
彼の考えはこうです この時エイリアンが
10:45
were taking him and giving him rectal probes.
彼を連れ去り直腸検査をしたのだ
10:47
(Laughter)
(笑)
10:50
This book became, naturally, an enormous best-seller.
この本は大変なベストセラーとなりました
10:52
This image by Ted Joseph was from that book,
テッド・ジョセフによるこの絵は
10:55
and was his, sort of, police sketch
この本に載っています ストリーバーが語る
10:57
of what the creatures looked like
生き物の姿を描いた―
11:00
that Whitley Strieber had described to him.
いわば 警察による似顔絵のようなものです
11:02
And it was so successful that they made it into a movie.
「コミュニオン」は大ヒットし映画化されます
11:04
And in 1989, the way I remember it,
記憶では わたしは1989年に
11:07
I was in Philadelphia
ガールフレンドに会うため
11:09
visiting my girlfriend, and we decided,
フィラデルフィアにいて ふと2人で
11:11
apropos of nothing, to go see this movie.
この映画を見に行くことになりました
11:13
And the way I remember it, the movie featured these details.
記憶では この映画の見どころは
11:16
One: Whitley Strieber
1 ホイットリー・ストリーバー役に
11:19
was played by Christopher Walken.
クリストファー・ウォーケン
11:21
Two: the alien was played by a rubber puppet.
2 エイリアンが ゴム人形
11:23
(Laughter)
(笑)
11:26
Three: there was a surprisingly long
3 びっくりするほど長時間にわたって
11:28
sequence of the film in which the rubber puppet
ゴム人形がウォーケンに
11:31
gives Christopher Walken a rectal probe.
直腸検査をするシーン
11:33
Four: this was being shown
4 この映画が上映されたのは
11:37
in a regular movie theater in Center City, Philadelphia.
フィラデルフィア中心部のごく普通の劇場
11:39
Five: all of which is to say,
5 つまり言いたいのは
11:42
they made a movie out of the book, "Communion,"
「コミュニオン」を元に作った映画に
11:44
and it starred Christopher Walken.
クリストファー・ウォーケンが主演した
11:46
Does something seem strange about this to you?
何かがおかしいとは思いませんか?
11:49
Something odd? Something off? Something wrong with this picture?
何か奇妙では? 何か変では? この映画に何か問題があるのか?
11:52
Think about it. Yes. The answer is:
考えてください そうです その答えは―
11:55
I had a girlfriend. What?
ガールフレンドが わたしにいたということです 
何ですか?
11:57
(Laughter)
(笑)
12:00
How did this happen? When did this happen?
どのように起こったのか いつ起こったのか
12:03
I remember walking out of the theater
覚えているのは 劇場を出て 2人で
12:06
and becoming suddenly aware of this fact,
手をつないでいるときに
12:08
as we walked hand in hand,
突然この事実が気になり
12:10
and pondering these very same questions.
この疑問を考え続けていました
12:12
And to this day, I have no answer for you.
今日に至るまで 答えは見つかりません
12:14
Close encounter four: the Algarve,
接近遭遇4 ポルトガル アルガルヴェ
12:18
Portugal, 1991.
1991年
12:20
Some years later, I and this woman --
数年後わたしと この女性―
12:22
we'll call her "Catherine Fletcher" --
キャサリン・フレッチャーと呼ぶことにしましょう―
12:24
(Laughter) --
(笑)―
12:27
went traveling through the south of Portugal together.
二人でポルトガル南部を旅行しました
12:30
We stayed in old, crumbling, walled cities,
私たちは古い崩れかけた城塞都市にある
12:33
in tiny little hotels,
小さなホテルに泊まり
12:37
and we would climb up to the roof and drink Vinho Verde
屋根に登ってヴィーニョ・ヴェルデを飲み
12:38
and watch the sun set and play checkers.
夕日を見て チェッカーをしていました
12:41
What? Did we do this? Really? Does anyone do this?
何? こんなことしただろうか? 本当に? だれかこんなことをするだろうか?
12:43
We went to some topless beaches.
私たちはトップレスビーチへ行きました
12:47
Excuse me? No, not in my life.
本当に? いや 一度も行ってない
12:49
For what it's worth, we went to Sagres,
本当かどうかは わかりませんがサグレスへ行きました
12:52
which was considered, at the time, to be the end of the world.
当時 世界の果てとされた場所です
12:54
And there I was chased by a pack of feral dogs on the dock,
そこでわたしは 野良犬の群れに追われ
12:57
and the lead dog bit me on the ass,
ボス犬に尻を噛まれました
13:00
requiring me to go to a strange Portuguese clinic
奇妙なポルトガルの病院に行くはめになり
13:03
and receive an ass shot.
尻に注射をされました
13:05
Make of that what you will.
どう解釈するかは自由です
13:07
(Laughter)
(笑)
13:09
Our last day in Portugal,
ポルトガルでの最後の日
13:10
we were in the district capital of Faro,
私たちは県都ファロにいました
13:12
and Catherine decided that she wanted to go to the beach
キャサリンは最後にもう一度だけ
13:15
one last time.
ビーチに行きたいと言いました
13:17
Now, Faro is a bustling little city,
ファロはにぎやかな小都市で
13:19
and to get to the beach, she explained, you would have to take
彼女によれば ビーチへは
13:21
a bus and then a boat.
バスとボートを乗り継がねばなりません
13:23
And did I want to come with?
一緒に行くか聞かれましたが
13:25
But I was exhausted and dog-bitten, and so I said, "No."
疲れ果て 犬に噛まれたせいで 行かないと言いました
13:27
I remember what she looked like before she left.
出かける前の彼女の姿を覚えています
13:30
The freckles had grown
顔にも肩にも しみができ
13:34
and multiplied on her face and shoulders,
それがどんどん増殖して
13:36
clustering into a kind of a tan.
日焼けのようになっていました
13:39
A tan, we were both tan --
日焼けです わたしたち二人とも―
13:41
is this true?
これは真実でしょうか?
13:43
Her eyes were extra bright and extra blue, as a result.
彼女の目は そのせいで とても明るく青かった
13:46
She was smiling.
彼女は笑っていました
13:49
She was a single woman about to go alone into a country,
未婚女性で
13:51
not even speaking the language,
言葉すらわからないのに
13:53
to travel alone by bus and boat
一人でバスとボートを乗り継ぎ
13:56
to go to a beach she did not know
見知らぬビーチへと
13:58
or had never seen.
行こうとしていました
14:00
I loved her, and then she went out
わたしは彼女を愛していて 彼女は
14:02
into that strange, alien land.
奇妙な見知らぬ土地に出かけたのです
14:05
It took me some time to come to my senses.
わたしが正気を取り戻すまで少し時間がかかりました
14:08
I had my own "lost time" moment,
わたしも"ロスト・タイム"を経験し
14:11
where I woke up and suddenly realized
気づいたときには もうとても遅い時間で
14:12
it was very late in the day, almost dinnertime,
夕食の時間になろうとしていました
14:15
and she had not come back.
彼女は帰っていません
14:17
Nervous, I went down to the street to look for her.
不安になり 彼女を捜して通りに出ました
14:19
Now, I did not speak Portuguese.
わたしはポルトガル語が話せず
14:21
I did not know where the beach was.
ビーチの場所もわかりません
14:24
I could not call her on a cell phone because this was 1991,
携帯で連絡することもできません 1991年には
14:26
and the aliens had not given us that technology yet.
エイリアンはまだその技術を我々に与えていません
14:29
(Laughter)
(笑)
14:31
I realized that the day would only have
わたしは気づきました 可能性は
14:34
two possible outcomes:
2つしかないということを
14:36
either Catherine would come back to the hotel,
キャサリンがホテルへ帰ってくるか
14:38
or she would never come back to the hotel.
二度と帰ってこないかのどちらかです
14:40
And so I sat down to wait.
だから座って待つことにしました
14:43
I did not watch the skies, but the very end of the street
空ではなく 通りの向こう端―
14:45
where the buses and cars and pedestrians
バスや車 歩行者や
14:49
and little scooters were moving along.
スクーターが過ぎるのを見ていました
14:52
And I watched those constellations shift,
人波が過ぎ行くのを見ながら
14:54
hoping that they would part and I would see her face.
群衆の間から 彼女の顔がのぞくことを期待しました
14:56
It was at that moment,
その瞬間―
14:59
in that very small town of 30,000 or so,
3万人そこそこの小さな町で
15:01
that I truly appreciated the vastness of the universe
宇宙は広大で そこで何かを探すとは
15:04
and the searching we might do in it.
どういうことかを知りました
15:07
And that's when the Liberians came along.
リベリア人の一行がやって来ました
15:10
Five young men -- all laughing, happy, traveling together,
5人の若者で みんな笑いながら 楽しそうに旅していて
15:12
coming back to this hotel where they were staying.
ホテルに戻ってきたところでした
15:15
One of them was named Joseph, and he asked me
一人はジョセフといい 何を―
15:18
what was I doing, and I explained.
しているのかと聞くので説明しました
15:20
And he said, "Don't worry." He was sure that Catherine would be safe.
"心配するなよ" 大丈夫だと彼は言いました
15:22
But he did not seem so very sure,
でもさほど自信があるようには見えず
15:25
for he sat down to wait with me.
一緒に座って待ってくれました
15:27
And for the next two hours, they all waited with me:
それから2時間 みんな一緒に待ってくれました
15:29
taking turns, going up to their room, coming back,
代わる代わる 部屋へ行ったり戻ったり 冗談で
15:31
telling me jokes, distracting me.
気を紛らせてくれたり
15:34
Two hours, they gave me a message.
この2時間 彼らが伝えたメッセージは
15:35
We are not alone.
我々は孤独ではない ということです
15:38
And then, in the middle of a sentence, at the very birth of twilight,
そして日が暮れる頃 わたしは何か言いかけながら
15:40
I turned and looked down the street.
振り返って 通りを見渡しました
15:43
The stars aligned, and she came back.
星が一列に並び 彼女が戻りました
15:45
She was smiling. She did not understand why I was so worried.
彼女は笑顔で なぜわたしが心配しているのかわかりませんでした
15:48
Neither did the Liberians,
リベリア人達にもわかりません
15:51
although there was a huge amount of relief in their laughter
ただ 彼らが私たちの背をたたいて
15:53
as they clapped us on the back, and went back up to their room
部屋へ戻るときの笑い声は安堵に満ちていた
15:55
and left us alone in the street, holding hands.
私たちは手をつないだまま通りにいました
15:58
An event like this leaves a scar on the memory,
このような出来事が記憶にキズを残します
16:01
much like a piece of alien technology
まるで"ポルトガルの医者"が
16:04
that has been inserted into your buttocks
尻に挿入した
16:06
by a "Portuguese doctor."
エイリアンの科学技術の断片のようです
16:08
(Laughter)
(笑)
16:10
And even now, a decade and a half later,
あれから15年たった今でも
16:12
even now that we are married,
私たちが結婚した今でも
16:14
I look for her still, whenever she is not in the room.
彼女が部屋にいないと わたしは捜すのです
16:16
And even though, I think you'll agree, it is probable
たとえ 彼女が出かけたときに誘拐されて
16:19
that during the time she was away,
エイリアンのクローンと
16:22
she was kidnapped and replaced by an alien clone,
入れ替わっていたとしても
16:24
I love her and wait for her still.
わたしは彼女を愛し 待ち続けます
16:27
Thank you for your kind attention.
ありがとうございます
16:29
(Applause)
(拍手)
16:31
Translator:Kazunori Akashi
Reviewer:Akira Kan

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John Hodgman - Expert
John Hodgman is a writer, humorist, geek celebrity, former professional literary agent and expert on all world knowledge. He was the bumbling PC in Apple's long-running "I'm a Mac; I'm a PC" ad campaign.

Why you should listen

You may know him only as the PC in Apple's PC vs. Mac smackdown ads, or as the Daily Show with Jon Stewart's Resident Expert. But John Hodgman has many other claims to fame. He's the author of The Areas of My Expertise, which provides vital and completely fake details on the great lobster conspiracy, hoboes, nine US presidents who had hooks for hands, and how to win a fight; the followup More Information Than You Require; and his newest (and he claims last), That Is All.

He is a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine; host of the Little Gray Book Lectures, a monthly series that has aired on This American Life; and an actual former professional literary agent.

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