TED2008
Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight
Jill Bolte Taylori rabav mõistmine tänu insuldile
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Jill Bolte Taylorile avanes uurimisvõimalus, mida vähesed neuroteadlased endale sooviksid: tal oli raskekujuline insult ning ta jälgis, kuidas tema aju funktsioonid - liikumine, kõne, teadlikkus enesest - andsid üksteise järel alla. See on hämmastav jutustus.
Jill Bolte Taylor - Neuroanatomist
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
I grew up to study the brain
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Sattusin uurima aju juba lapsena,
00:21
because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:
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sest mu vennal diagnoositi ajutegevuse häire:
00:25
schizophrenia. And as a sister
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skisofreenia. Tema õena
00:27
and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why
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ja hiljem teadlasena tahtsin aru saada,
00:31
is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect
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miks mina võin võtta oma unistused,
00:34
them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true?
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ühendada need oma reaalsusega ja viia oma unistused ellu.
00:37
What is it about my brother's brain and
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Miks mu venna aju ja skisofreenia
00:41
his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his
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põhjustavad seda, et tema ei suuda ühendada
00:44
dreams to a common and shared reality, so they
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oma unistusi tavapärase, kollektiivse reaalsusega,
00:48
instead become delusion?
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nii et need muutuvad hoopis pettekujutlusteks?
00:51
So I dedicated my career to research into the
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Pühendusin oma töös
00:53
severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state
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raskete vaimuhaiguste uurimisele. Kolisin koduosariigist
00:56
of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in
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Indianast Bostonisse, kus töötasin
00:59
the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard
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dr. Francine Benesi laboris,
01:02
Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,
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Harvardi Psühhiaatriateaduskonnas. Laboris esitasime endale küsimuse:
01:08
"What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals
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"Millised on bioloogilised erinevused, kui võrrelda sellise inimese aju,
01:13
who would be diagnosed as normal control,
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kes on diagnoosi järgi normaalne,
01:15
as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with
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ja sellise inimese aju, kellel on diagnoositud
01:18
schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"
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skisofreenia, skisoafektiivne häire või bipolaarne häire?"
01:23
So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry
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Niisiis püüdsime sisuliselt kaardistada aju mikroskeemi:
01:26
of the brain: which cells are communicating with
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saada teada, millised rakud suhtlevad millistega,
01:29
which cells, with which chemicals, and then in
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milliste kemikaalide abil, ja seejärel, et
01:32
what quantities of those chemicals?
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millises koguses need kemikaalid on?
01:35
So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing
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Minu elul oli mõte, sest päevasel ajal tegelesin
01:39
this type of research during the day.
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sellist tüüpi teadustööga.
01:42
But then in the evenings and on the weekends,
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Aga õhtuti ja nädalavahetuseti
01:45
I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
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sõitsin ringi NAMI, Riikliku Vaimuhaiguste Liidu eestkõnelejana.
01:50
But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up
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Aga 10. detsembri hommikul 1996 ärkasin ma üles
01:53
to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.
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ja avastasin, et mul on endal ajutegevuse häire.
01:57
A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.
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Minu vasakus ajupoolkeras lõhkes veresoon.
02:01
And in the course of four hours,
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Ja nelja tunni jooksul
02:03
I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to
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jälgisin ma, kuidas mu aju võime infot töödelda
02:08
process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,
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käis täielikult alla. Sel hommikul, kui veresoon lõhkes,
02:12
I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.
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ei suutnud ma käia, rääkida, lugeda, kirjutada, ega meenutada midagi oma elust.
02:18
I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.
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Muutusin justkui imikuks naise kehas.
02:23
If you've ever seen a human brain,
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Kui te olete kunagi inimaju näinud,
02:26
it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.
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on selge, et kaks poolkera on teineteisest täiesti lahutatud.
02:29
And I have brought for you a real human brain.
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Olen teie jaoks tõelise inimaju kaasa võtnud.
02:38
So this is a real human brain.
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See on ehtne inimaju.
02:46
This is the front of the brain,
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See on aju eesmine osa,
02:48
the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,
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see on aju tagumine osa koos rippuva seljaajuga
02:52
and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.
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ja niimoodi asetseks see minu peas.
02:56
And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that
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Kui te aju vaatate, on ilmselge, et
02:58
the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.
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kaks ajupoolkera on teineteisest täiesti lahutatud.
03:04
For those of you who understand computers,
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Kui tunnete arvuteid, siis
03:06
our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,
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meie parem ajupoolkera toimib nagu rööpprotsessor,
03:09
while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.
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samas kui vasak ajupoolkera toimib kui jadaprotsessor.
03:13
The two hemispheres do communicate with one another
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Kaks ajupoolkera suhtlevad omavahel
03:16
through the corpus collosum,
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mõhnkeha abil,
03:18
which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.
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mis koosneb umbes 300 miljonist närvikiust.
03:22
But other than that,
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Aga kui see välja arvata,
03:24
the two hemispheres are completely separate.
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on kaks ajupoolkera teineteisest täiesti eraldatud.
03:28
Because they process information differently,
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Kuna nad töötlevad infot erinevalt,
03:31
each of our hemispheres think about different things,
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mõtleb kumbki meie ajupoolkera erinevatele asjadele,
03:34
they care about different things, and, dare I say,
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nad hoolivad erinevatest asjadest ja ma julgen öelda,
03:38
they have very different personalities.
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et neil on väga erinev iseloom.
03:43
Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. Assistant: It has been.
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Vabandage. Tänan teid. Oli väga meeldiv.
03:51
Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.
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Meie parem ajupoolkera tegeleb käesoleva hetkega.
03:55
It's all about "right here, right now."
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Teda huvitab see, mis on "siin ja praegu".
04:00
Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures
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Parem ajupoolkera mõtleb pildiliselt
04:03
and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.
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ja õpib kinesteetiliselt läbi meie keha liikumise.
04:07
Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously
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Informatsioon voolab energia kujul sisse
04:12
through all of our sensory systems
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üheaegselt läbi kõigi meie meeleelundite
04:14
and then it explodes into this enormous collage
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ja siis plahvatab üheks suureks kollaažiks
04:17
of what this present moment looks like,
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sellest, kuidas praegune hetk välja näeb,
04:21
what this present moment smells like and tastes like,
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kuidas praegune hetk lõhnab ja maitseb,
04:24
what it feels like and what it sounds like.
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kuidas katsudes tundub ja millisena kõlab.
04:29
I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me
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Ma olen energeetiline olend, ühenduses kogu ümbritseva energiaga
04:34
through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.
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parema ajupoolkera teadvuse kaudu.
04:37
We are energy-beings connected to one another
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Me kõik oleme energeetilised olendid, üksteisega ühenduses
04:41
through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.
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parema ajupoolkera teadvuse kaudu, nagu üks inimpere.
04:47
And right here,
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Siin ja praegu
04:49
right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,
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oleme sellel planeedil õed ja vennad,
04:51
here to make the world a better place.
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et muuta maailma paremaks.
04:55
And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.
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Just praegu oleme täiuslikud, terviklikud ja kaunid.
05:02
My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.
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Minu - meie - vasak ajupoolkera on väga erinev paik.
05:07
Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.
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Vasak ajupoolkera mõtleb lineaarselt ja metoodiliselt.
05:11
Our left hemisphere
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Meie vasak ajupoolkera
05:13
is all about the past and it's all about the future.
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tegeleb mineviku ja tulevikuga.
05:17
Our left hemisphere is designed to take that
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Vasak ajupoolkera on kavandatud nii, et ta suudab võtta
05:20
enormous collage of the present moment and start
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selle hiiglasliku kollaaži käesolevast hetkest ja hakata
05:23
picking out details, details and more details about those details.
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eristama sealt detaile ja omakorda nende detailide detaile.
05:27
It then categorizes and
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Seejärel ta kategoriseerib ja
05:29
organizes all that information, associates it
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korrastab kogu info, seostab selle kõigega,
05:33
with everything in the past we've ever learned, and
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mida oleme minevikus õppinud ja
05:36
projects into the future all of our possibilities.
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kaalub kõiki meie tulevikuvõimalusi.
05:40
And our left hemisphere thinks in language.
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Meie vasak ajupoolkera mõtleb keeleliselt.
05:44
It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my
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See pidev sisemonoloog ühendab mind ja
05:47
internal world to my external world.
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minu sisemaailma ümbritseva maailmaga.
05:51
It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember
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See hääleke ütleb mulle: "Kuule, ära unusta
05:55
to pick up bananas on your way home.
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koduteel banaane osta.
05:58
I need them in the morning."
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Mul on neid hommikul vaja."
05:59
It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me
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See kalkuleeriv aru tuletab mulle meelde,
06:02
when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,
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millal pean pesu pesema. Aga ehk kõige olulisem on,
06:05
it's that little voice that says to me,
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et see hääleke ütleb mulle:
06:09
"I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"
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"Ma olen olemas." Ja niipea, kui mu vasak poolkera ütleb: "Ma olen olemas",
06:15
I become separate.
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ma eristun.
06:18
I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow
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Muutun konkreetseks üksikisikuks, kes on eraldatud
06:22
around me and separate from you.
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ümbritsevast energiavoost ja kes on eraldatud teist.
06:25
And this was the portion of my brain that I lost
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Ja selle osa oma ajust kaotasin ma
06:28
on the morning of my stroke.
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sel hommikul, kui sain insuldi.
06:30
On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a
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Insuldi-hommikul ärkasin üles
06:34
pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --
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ja tundsin piinavat valu vasaku silma taga. See oli selline valu -
06:39
caustic pain -- that you get when you
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salvav valu - mida sa tunned, kui sa
06:41
bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --
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hammustad jäätist. See haaras mind -
06:45
and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --
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ja siis laskis lahti. Ja haaras mind -
06:49
and then it released me. And it was very unusual
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ja laskis lahti. Minu jaoks oli väga harjumatu
06:52
for me to ever experience any kind of pain,
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üldse mingit valu tunda, niisiis mõtlesin,
06:55
so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."
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et tühja kah, alustan oma hommikuste toimetustega.
06:57
So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,
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Tõusin üles ja hüppasin oma trenažöörile,
07:00
which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.
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mis on treeningmasin kogu kehale.
07:03
And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing
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Teen hooga trenni ja äkki taipan,
07:08
that my hands look like primitive claws grasping
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et mu käed näevad välja nagu primitiivsed küünised,
07:12
onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."
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mis hoiavad käepidemest. Mõtlesin: "Kummaline."
07:15
And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,
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Vaatasin alla oma kehale ja mõtlesin: "Ohoo,
07:18
I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though
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olen vast veider olend." Tunne oli selline,
07:21
my consciousness had shifted away from my normal
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nagu mu teadvus oleks nihkunud eemale tavapärasest
07:24
perception of reality, where I'm the person on the
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reaalsusest, kus mina olen inimene trenažööril,
07:27
machine having the experience, to some esoteric space
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kes kogeb midagi, ja liikunud mingisse esoteerilisse ruumi,
07:30
where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.
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kus ma näen, kuidas ma midagi kogen.
07:35
And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was
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See oli väga kummaline ja peavalu
07:37
just getting worse. So I get off the machine,
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läks üha hullemaks. Tulin trenažöörilt maha
07:39
and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I
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ja elutoast läbi minnes
07:42
realize that everything inside of my body has
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taipasin, et mu kehas on kõik aeglustunud.
07:44
slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and
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Et iga samm on väga jäik ja
07:49
very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,
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väga kaalutletud. Mu astumises pole sujuvust
07:52
and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,
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ja mu tajud on kuidagi kitsenenud,
07:55
so I'm just focused on internal systems.
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nii et ma keskendun vaid oma sisemusele.
07:59
And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to
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Seisin vannitoas ja valmistusin
08:01
step into the shower, and I could actually hear the
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duši alla minema, kuuldes samal ajal
08:03
dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice
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dialoogi enda sees. Kuulsin vaikset häält,
08:06
saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.
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mis ütles: "Nii. Teie, lihased, peate kokku tõmbuma.
08:09
You muscles, you relax."
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Teie, lihased, lõdvestuge."
08:10
And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.
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Kaotasin tasakaalu ja vajusin vastu seina.
08:13
And I look down at my arm and I realize
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Vaatasin oma kätt ja sain aru,
08:17
that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.
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et ma ei suuda enam määratleda oma keha piire.
08:21
I can't define where I begin and where I end,
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Ma ei suuda määratleda, kus ma algan ja lõpen,
08:25
because the atoms and the molecules of my arm
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sest mu käe aatomid ja molekulid
08:28
blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.
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on sulanud ühte seina aatomite ja molekulidega.
08:32
And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.
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Ainus, mida suutsin tajuda, oli energia.
08:36
And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?
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Küsisin endalt: "Mis mul viga on?
08:38
What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --
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Mis toimub?" Ja samal hetkel mu sisemonoloog -
08:42
my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.
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mu vasaku ajupoolkera monoloog - lakkas täielikult.
08:45
Just like someone took a remote control
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Justkui keegi oleks võtnud kaugjuhtimispuldi
08:48
and pushed the mute button. Total silence.
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ja heli kinni vajutanud. Täielik vaikus.
08:51
And at first I was shocked to find myself
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Alguses olin jahmunud, kui avastasin,
08:54
inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately
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et mu meeles valitseb vaikus. Aga kohe pärast seda
08:58
captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.
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olin võlutud mind ümbritseva energia hunnitusest.
09:02
And because I could no longer identify
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Kuna ma ei suutnud enam tuvastada
09:06
the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.
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oma keha piire, tundsin end hiigelsuure ja laialivalguvana.
09:09
I felt at one with all the energy that was,
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Tundsin, et olen üks kogu olemasoleva energiaga
09:13
and it was beautiful there.
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ja see oli ilus.
09:16
Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back
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Siis äkki tundsin, kuidas mu vasak ajupoolkera
09:18
online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!
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logib uuesti sisse ja ütleb: "Kuule! Meil on probleem!
09:21
We got a problem! We gotta get some help."
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Meil on probleem! Peame abi hankima."
09:23
And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.
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Ma mõtlen: "Aa! Mul on probleem.
09:25
I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."
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Mul on probleem." Kordan endale: "Olgu-olgu. Mul on probleem."
09:28
But then I immediately drifted right back
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Aga seejärel triivisin kohe jälle
09:31
out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately
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eneseteadvuse juurest minema - paika,
09:34
refer to this space as La La Land.
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mida ma kutsun hellitavalt Ulmademaaks.
09:38
But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would
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Aga seal oli ilus. Kujutage ette, mis tunne oleks
09:40
be like to be totally disconnected from your brain
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olla täiesti lahutatud sisemonoloogist,
09:43
chatter that connects you to the external world.
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mis ühendab teid välise maailmaga.
09:46
So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any
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Ma viibisin selles paigas ja muu töö -
09:49
stress related to my job -- it was gone.
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ja kogu tööga seotud stress - oli kadunud.
09:52
And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine
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Tundsin end oma kehas nii kergelt. Kujutlege:
09:55
all of the relationships in the external world and any
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kõik välismaailma suhted ja kõik
09:59
stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.
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nendega seotud stressiallikad olid läinud.
10:02
And I felt this sense of peacefulness.
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Tundsin erakordset rahu.
10:07
And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!
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Kujutlege vabanemist 37 aasta jooksul kogunenud emotsionaalsest taagast!
10:12
(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --
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Oh! Ma tundsin eufooriat.
10:18
euphoria. It was beautiful.
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Eufooriat. See oli imekaunis.
10:21
And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,
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Aga siis logis mu vasak ajupoolkera jälle sisse ja ütles:
10:23
"Hey! You've got to pay attention.
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"Kuule! Ole nüüd tähelepanelik.
10:25
We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.
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Me peame abi hankima." Ma mõtlen: "Pean abi hankima.
10:27
I gotta focus."
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Pean keskenduma."
10:29
So I get out of the shower and I mechanically
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Tulen duši alt ära ja riietun mehaaniliselt,
10:31
dress and I'm walking around my apartment,
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kõnnin korteris ringi
10:33
and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work.
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ja mõtlen: "Pean tööle minema. Pean tööle minema.
10:35
Can I drive? Can I drive?"
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Kas ma autot suudan juhtida?"
10:38
And in that moment my right arm went totally
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Sel hetkel muutus mu parem käsi
10:40
paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,
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täiesti halvatuks. Siis taipasin:
10:43
"Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"
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"Issand! Mul on insult! Mul on insult!"
10:46
And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!
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Järgmisena ütles aju mulle: "Ohoo!
10:49
This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!
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Äge värk. Äge värk!"
10:55
How many brain scientists have the opportunity
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Kui paljudel neuroteadlastel on võimalik
10:57
to study their own brain from the inside out?"
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uurida omaenda aju seestpoolt?"
11:00
(Laughter)
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(Naer)
11:02
And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"
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Siis tuli mulle pähe: "Aga mul on väga palju tegemist!"
11:06
(Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"
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"Mul ei ole insuldi jaoks aega!"
11:09
So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,
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Mõtlen: "Olgu, ma ei saa insulti peatada,
11:11
so I'll do this for a week or two, and
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niisiis tegelen sellega nädala või paar
11:14
then I'll get back to my routine. OK.
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ja siis pöördun oma igapäevatöö juurde tagasi. Olgu.
11:16
So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."
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Ma pean abi kutsuma. Pean tööle helistama."
11:18
I couldn't remember the number at work,
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Ma ei suutnud oma töökoha numbrit meenutada,
11:20
so I remembered, in my office I had a business card
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aga mul oli meeles, et mul on visiitkaart
11:22
with my number on it. So I go into my business room,
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koos kontori numbriga. Läksin oma kabinetti,
11:25
I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.
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võtan sealt kolmetollise pataka visiitkaarte.
11:28
And I'm looking at the card on top and even though
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Vaatasin ülemist kaarti ja kuigi
11:31
I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,
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nägin oma vaimusilmas selgelt, milline mu visiitkaart on,
11:35
I couldn't tell if this
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ei suutnud ma eristada,
11:37
was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels.
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kas see on minu oma, sest nägin ainult piksleid.
11:40
And the pixels of the words blended
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Sõnade pikslid sulasid ühte
11:42
with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,
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tausta pikslite ja tähtede-numbrite pikslitega
11:45
and I just couldn't tell.
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ja ma ei saanud midagi aru.
11:47
And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.
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Ootasin seda, mida ma nimetan selgushetkeks.
11:50
And in that moment, I would be able to
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Sellisel hetkel olin võimeline
11:53
reattach to normal reality and I could tell
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olema ühenduses tavareaalsusega ja mõistma,
11:56
that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.
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et see on vale kaart ... vale kaart ... vale kaart.
11:58
It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down
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45 minuti jooksul suutsin vaadata läbi
12:02
inside of that stack of cards.
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ühe tolli kogu kaardipatakast.
12:05
In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is
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Selle 45 minuti jooksul muutus
12:07
getting bigger in my left hemisphere.
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verevalum mu vasakus ajupoolkeras üha suuremaks.
12:09
I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,
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Ma ei saa numbritest aru. Ma ei saa telefonist aru,
12:12
but it's the only plan I have.
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aga see on mu ainus tegevusplaan.
12:14
So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,
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Võtan telefoni ja panen enda ette. Võtan visiitkaardi,
12:17
I put it right here, and
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panen samuti enda ette ja
12:19
I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card
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püüan leida kaardil asuvate kriipselduste järgi
12:23
to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.
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samasuguse kujuga kriipseldusi telefonil.
12:26
But then I would drift back out into La La Land,
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Aga vahepeal triivin tagasi Ulmademaale,
12:29
and not remember when I came back if I'd already
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ega mäleta tagasi tulles, kas ma juba
12:32
dialed those numbers.
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valisin need numbrid või mitte.
12:33
So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump
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Pidin kasutama oma halvatud kätt nagu könti,
12:37
and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed
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et katta kinni numbid, mida ma olin juba vajutanud,
12:40
them, so that as I would come back to normal
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nii et kui ma jõudsin jälle tagasi reaalsusesse,
12:43
reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."
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suudaksin ma mõista: "Jah, selle numbri ma juba valisin."
12:48
Eventually, the whole number gets dialed
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Lõpuks saan numbri valitud
12:50
and I'm listening to the phone, and
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ja mul on telefonitoru kõrva ääres
12:52
my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,
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ja kolleeg võtab vastu ja ütleb mulle:
12:56
"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself,
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"Auu auu auu auu." Mõtlen endamisi:
13:01
"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"
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"Issand, ta teeb sellist häält, nagu ta oleks kuldne retriiver!"
13:08
And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:
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Ütlen talle - kusjuures mu peas valitseb täielik selgus:
13:10
"This is Jill! I need help!"
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"Jill siin! Mul on abi vaja!"
13:13
And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."
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Aga mu suust kostab: "Auu auu auu auu auu."
13:16
I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."
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Mõtlen: "Issand, ma teen sellist häält, nagu ma oleksin kuldne retriiver."
13:18
So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that
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Mul ei olnud aimugi, et ma ei suuda
13:21
I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.
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rääkida ega keelest aru saada, enne kui proovisin.
13:24
So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.
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Ta saab aru, et mul on abi vaja, ja kutsub mulle abi.
13:27
And a little while later, I am riding in an
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Veidi aja pärast sõidan kiirabis ühest haiglast
13:31
ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.
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läbi Bostoni linna Massachusettsi Keskhaiglasse.
13:35
And I curl up into a little fetal ball.
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Tõmbun kägarasse nagu loode.
13:37
And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,
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Nagu oleksin õhupall, millesse on jäänud viimane pahvakas õhku,
13:44
just, just right out of the balloon,
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täpselt nagu õhk väljuks õhupallist,
13:47
I just felt my energy lift and just -- I felt my spirit surrender.
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tundsin, kuidas mu energia lahkus - ja kuidas mu vaim andis alla.
13:51
And in that moment, I knew that I
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Samal hetkel teadsin, et
13:57
was no longer the choreographer of my life.
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ma ei ole enam oma elu näitejuht.
14:00
And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a
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Arstid kas päästavad mu keha ja annavad mulle
14:03
second chance at life, or this was perhaps
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veel ühe võimaluse elada, või siis on hoopis aeg
14:06
my moment of transition.
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sellest ilmast lahkuda.
14:13
When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked
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Kui ma samal pärastlõunal ärkasin, olin jahmunud,
14:17
to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender,
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et olen ikka veel elus. Kui ma tundsin, et mu vaim andis alla,
14:22
I said goodbye to my life.
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olin elule hüvasti öelnud.
14:25
And my mind was now suspended between two very
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Nüüd hõljus mu meel kuskil
14:29
opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in
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kahe vastandliku reaalsuse vahel. Kõik, mida ma
14:33
through my sensory systems felt like pure pain.
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läbi meeleelundite tajusin, mõjus puhta valuna.
14:37
Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds
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Valgus kõrvetas mu aju nagu metsatulekahju ja
14:41
were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a
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helid olid nii valjud ja kaootilised, et ma ei suutnud
14:45
voice out from the background noise,
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eristada ühtegi häält taustamürast
14:49
and I just wanted to escape. Because I could not identify the
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ning tahtsin ainult põgeneda. Kuna ma ei suutnud tuvastada
14:53
position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive,
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oma keha asetust ruumis, tundsin end hiigelsuure ja laialivalguvana,
14:58
like a genie just liberated from her bottle.
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nagu džinn, kes on pudelist välja lastud.
15:03
And my spirit soared free, like a great whale
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Aga mu vaim hõljus vabalt, nagu suur vaal,
15:08
gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.
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kes liugleb läbi vaikse eufooria mere.
15:14
Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking,
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Nirvaana. Leidsin nirvaana. Mäletan, et mõtlesin,
15:22
there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze
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et ma ei suuda mitte mingil juhul pressida
15:25
the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.
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oma hiigelsuurt mina tagasi sellesse väikesesse kehasse.
15:32
But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive,
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Aga siis taipasin: "Ma olen ikka veel elus! Olen elus
15:36
and I have found Nirvana. And if I have
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ja leidsin nirvaana. Kui mina leidsin nirvaana
15:40
found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone
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ja olen ikka veel elus, võib igaüks,
15:43
who is alive can find Nirvana." And I pictured a world
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kes on elus, leida nirvaana." Kujutlesin maailma,
15:50
filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate,
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mis on täis ilusaid, rahumeelseid, kaastundlikke,
15:54
loving people who knew that they could come to
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armastavaid inimesi, kes teavad, et nad võivad
15:57
this space at any time. And that they could
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igal hetkel sellesse paika minna. Et nad võivad teadlikult
16:01
purposely choose to step to the right of their
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astuda oma vasakust ajupoolkerast sammu paremale
16:05
left hemispheres and find this peace. And then
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ja leida selle rahu. Seejärel mõistsin,
16:10
I realized what a tremendous gift this experience
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et see kogemus võiks olla suurepärane kingitus
16:14
could be, what a stroke of insight this could be
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ja tuua kaasa rabava mõistmise seoses sellega,
16:19
to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.
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kuidas me oma elu elame. See innustas mind tervenema.
16:28
Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the
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Kaks ja pool nädalat pärast insulti
16:31
surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot
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eemaldasid kirurgid vereklombi, mis oli
16:33
the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers.
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golfipalli suurune ja vajutas mu keelekeskustele.
16:36
Here I am with my mama,
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Siin olen koos emaga,
16:38
who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.
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kes on tõeline ingel mu elus. Läks kaheksa aastat, enne kui täielikult paranesin.
16:47
So who are we? We are the life-force power of the universe,
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Niisiis, kes me oleme? Me oleme universumi elujõud,
16:52
with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.
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kellel on käteosavus ja kaks kognitiivset meelt.
16:57
And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,
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Meil on võimalus igal hetkel valida,
17:01
who and how we want to be in the world.
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kes ja kuidas me maailmas olla tahame.
17:06
Right here, right now, I can step into the
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Siin ja praegu võin ma astuda
17:08
consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.
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oma parema ajupoolkera teadvusesse.
17:12
I am the life-force power of the universe.
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Ma olen universumi elujõud.
17:16
I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful
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Ma olen 50 miljardi imekauni, mulle kuju andva
17:19
molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.
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molekulaarse geeniuse elujõud, olen kõige olevaga üks.
17:25
Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of
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Või kui soovin, võin astuda oma vasaku ajupoolkera teadvusesse,
17:28
my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual,
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kus minust saab üksikisik,
17:32
a solid. Separate from the flow,
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olen konkreetne objekt. Olen eraldatud energiavoost
17:36
separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
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ja olen eraldatud teist. Olen dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
17:39
intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.
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intellektuaal, neuroteadlane. Need on "meie", kes minus asuvad.
17:50
Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when?
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Kumma te valiksite? Kumma te valite? Ja millal?
17:59
I believe that the more time we spend
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Ma usun, et mida sagedamini me otsustame
18:03
choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry
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rakendada sügava sisemise rahu mikroskeemi,
18:06
of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will
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mis asub paremas ajupoolkeras, seda rohkem rahu
18:09
project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.
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kiirgame me maailma, ja seda rahumeelsem on meie planeet.
18:13
And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.
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Minu arvates oli see idee, mida tasub levitada.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jill Bolte Taylor - NeuroanatomistBrain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery.
Why you should listen
One morning, a blood vessel in Jill Bolte Taylor's brain exploded. As a brain scientist, she realized she had a ringside seat to her own stroke. She watched as her brain functions shut down one by one: motion, speech, memory, self-awareness ...
Amazed to find herself alive, Taylor spent eight years recovering her ability to think, walk and talk. She has become a spokesperson for stroke recovery and for the possibility of coming back from brain injury stronger than before. In her case, although the stroke damaged the left side of her brain, her recovery unleashed a torrent of creative energy from her right. From her home base in Indiana, she now travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank as the "Singin' Scientist."
Jill Bolte Taylor | Speaker | TED.com