TED2008
Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight
Jill Bolte Taylor, silovita kap spoznanja
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Jill Bolte Taylor je dobila priložnost za raziskovanje, ki si bi jo želelo le malo znanstvenikov: imela je močno možgansko kap in opazovala, kako so se njene možganske funkcije - gibanje, govor, samozavedanje - ena za drugo izgubljale. Pretresljiva zgodba.
Jill Bolte Taylor - Neuroanatomist
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Brain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
I grew up to study the brain
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Za preučevanje možganov sem se odločila,
00:21
because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:
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ker imam brata, ki so mu diagnosticirali možgansko bolezen:
00:25
schizophrenia. And as a sister
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shizofrenijo. Kot njegova sestra
00:27
and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand, why
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in kasneje kot znanstvenica sem si želela razumeti,
00:31
is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect
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zakaj lahko jaz povežem svoje sanje
00:34
them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true?
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s svojo resničnostjo in jih uresničim.
00:37
What is it about my brother's brain and
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Kaj je takega na bratovih možganih
00:41
his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his
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in njegovi shizofreniji, da ne more povezati svojih
00:44
dreams to a common and shared reality, so they
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sanj s skupno realnostjo,
00:48
instead become delusion?
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tako da namesto tega postanejo iluzija.
00:51
So I dedicated my career to research into the
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Tako sem posvetila svojo kariero raziskovanju
00:53
severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state
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težkih duševnih motenj. In preselila sem se iz rojstne države
00:56
of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in
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Indiane v Boston, kjer sem delala v
00:59
the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard
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laboratoriju Dr. Francina Banesa v Harvardskem
01:02
Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,
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oddelku za psihiatrijo. V laboratoriju smo se spraševali:
01:08
"What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals
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"Kakšne so biološke razlike med možgani posameznikov,
01:13
who would be diagnosed as normal control,
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ki bi dobili diagnozo "normalno",
01:15
as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with
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v primerjavi z možgani posameznikov, katerih diagnoze so
01:18
schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"
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shizofrenija, shizoafektivna ali bipolarna motnja?
01:23
So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry
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Tako smo se predvsem posvetili označevanjem
01:26
of the brain: which cells are communicating with
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možganskih mikrotokov; katere celice komunicirajo s
01:29
which cells, with which chemicals, and then in
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katerimi celicami, s katerimi kemikalijami in s
01:32
what quantities of those chemicals?
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kakšno količino teh kemikalij?
01:35
So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing
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To, da sem lahko čez dan opravljala take raziskave,
01:39
this type of research during the day.
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je dalo mojemu življenju globok pomen.
01:42
But then in the evenings and on the weekends,
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Ob večerih in vikendih pa sem
01:45
I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
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potovala kot predstavnica NAMI-ja, Nacionalne zveze za duševne motnje.
01:50
But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up
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Ampak 10. decembra 1996 zjutraj sem se zbudila
01:53
to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.
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in ugotovila, da je nekaj narobe z mojimi možgani.
01:57
A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.
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V levi polobli mojih možganov se je razpočila krvna žila.
02:01
And in the course of four hours,
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In naslednjih štirih urah
02:03
I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to
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sem opazovala svoje možgane, popolnoma nezmožne
02:08
process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,
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obdelovanja kakršnihkoli informacij. To jutro
02:12
I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.
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nisem mogla hoditi, govoriti, brati, pisati ali se spomniti česarkoli v svojem življenju.
02:18
I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.
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Dobesedno sem postala dojenček v ženskem telesu.
02:23
If you've ever seen a human brain,
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Če ste že kdaj videli človeške možgane,
02:26
it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.
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je očitno, da sta dve hemisferi popolnoma ločeni ena od druge.
02:29
And I have brought for you a real human brain.
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In za vas sem prinesla prave možgane.
02:38
So this is a real human brain.
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Torej, to so pravi človeški možgani.
02:46
This is the front of the brain,
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To je sprednji del možganov,
02:48
the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,
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zadnji del z visečo hrbtenjačo
02:52
and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.
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in tako bi bili nameščeni znotraj moje glave.
02:56
And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that
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In ko pogledate možgane, je očitno, da sta
02:58
the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.
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dva cerebralna korteksa popolnoma ločena eden od drugega.
03:04
For those of you who understand computers,
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Za tiste, ki se spoznate na računalnike;
03:06
our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,
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naša desna možganska polobla deluje kot vzporedni procesor,
03:09
while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.
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medtem ko leva možganska polobla deluje kot zaporedni procesor.
03:13
The two hemispheres do communicate with one another
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Obe polobli komunicirata med seboj
03:16
through the corpus collosum,
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prek možganskega prečnika (corpus collosum),
03:18
which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.
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ki ga sestavlja približno 300 milijonov aksonskih vlaken.
03:22
But other than that,
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Drugače pa
03:24
the two hemispheres are completely separate.
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sta ti dve možganski polobli popolnoma ločeni.
03:28
Because they process information differently,
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Ker obdelujeta informacije različno,
03:31
each of our hemispheres think about different things,
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vsaka od polobel razmišlja o drugačnih stvareh,
03:34
they care about different things, and, dare I say,
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skrbita za različne stvari in upam si reči,
03:38
they have very different personalities.
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da imata zelo različne osebnosti.
03:43
Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. Assistant: It has been.
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Oprostite. Hvala. Bilo mi je v veselje. (Asistent: Bilo je.)
03:51
Our right human hemisphere is all about this present moment.
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Naša desna možganska polobla je osredotočena na sedanji trenutek.
03:55
It's all about "right here, right now."
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Zanima jo "točno tukaj, točno zdaj."
04:00
Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures
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Naša desna polobla razmišlja v podobah
04:03
and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.
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in se uči kinestetično prek gibanja naših teles.
04:07
Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously
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Informacija se v obliki energijskih valov prenaša sočasno
04:12
through all of our sensory systems
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prek vseh čutil
04:14
and then it explodes into this enormous collage
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in potem eksplodira v brezmejen kolaž vtisov o tem,
04:17
of what this present moment looks like,
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kakšen je ta trenutek,
04:21
what this present moment smells like and tastes like,
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kakšen je okus in vonj v tem trenutku,
04:24
what it feels like and what it sounds like.
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kako ga občutimo in kako ga slišimo.
04:29
I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me
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Sem energijsko bitje, povezano z energijo okoli mene
04:34
through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.
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prek zavesti desne poloble.
04:37
We are energy-beings connected to one another
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Smo energijska bitja, povezana med seboj
04:41
through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.
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prek zavesti naše desne možganske poloble kot ena človeška družina.
04:47
And right here,
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In tukaj
04:49
right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,
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in zdaj smo vsi bratje in sestre tega planeta,
04:51
here to make the world a better place.
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tu zato, da naredimo boljši svet.
04:55
And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.
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In v tem trenutku smo popolni, smo eno in smo čudoviti.
05:02
My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.
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Moja leva možganska polobla - naša leva možganska polobla - je zelo drugačna.
05:07
Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.
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Naša leva možganska polobla razmišlja linearno in načrtno.
05:11
Our left hemisphere
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Naša leva možganska polobla je zadolžena
05:13
is all about the past and it's all about the future.
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za preteklost in za prihodnost.
05:17
Our left hemisphere is designed to take that
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Naloga leve možganske poloble je, da iz
05:20
enormous collage of the present moment and start
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ogromnega kolaža vtisov o sedanjosti
05:23
picking out details, details and more details about those details.
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zbira podrobnosti, podrobnosti in še več podrobnosti o teh podrobnostih.
05:27
It then categorizes and
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Potem kategorizira in
05:29
organizes all that information, associates it
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organizira vse te informacije, poveže jih
05:33
with everything in the past we've ever learned, and
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z vsem iz preteklosti, kar smo se naučili, in
05:36
projects into the future all of our possibilities.
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jih projicira v prihodnost v obliki naših možnosti.
05:40
And our left hemisphere thinks in language.
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In naša leva možganska polobla razmišlja v jeziku.
05:44
It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my
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To je ta neprestani možganski klepet, ki mene in moj
05:47
internal world to my external world.
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notranji svet poveže z zunanjim svetom.
05:51
It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember
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To je ta majhni glasek, ki mi govori: "Hej, ne pozabi
05:55
to pick up bananas on your way home.
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na poti domov kupiti banan.
05:58
I need them in the morning."
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Zjutraj jih rabim."
05:59
It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me
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Je ta preračunljiva inteligenca, ki me opomni
06:02
when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,
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kdaj moram oprat cunje. Ampak mogoče najbolj pomembno:
06:05
it's that little voice that says to me,
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to je ta mali glas, ki mi pravi:
06:09
"I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"
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"Jaz sem. Jaz sem." In brž ko mi moja leva možganska polobla reče "jaz sem",
06:15
I become separate.
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postanem ločena.
06:18
I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow
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Postanem trden posameznik, ločen od energijskega toka
06:22
around me and separate from you.
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okoli mene in ločena od vas.
06:25
And this was the portion of my brain that I lost
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In to je bil del mojih možganov, ki sem jih
06:28
on the morning of my stroke.
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tisto jutro izgubila s kapjo.
06:30
On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a
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Tisto jutro, ko sem imela napad, sem se zbudila z
06:34
pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --
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razbijajočo bolečino za levim očesom. To je bila tista vrsta bolečine -
06:39
caustic pain -- that you get when you
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ostra bolečina - ki jo dobiš, ko
06:41
bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --
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ugrizneš v sladoled. In me je samo prijela -
06:45
and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --
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in potem izpustila. In me je spet prijela -
06:49
and then it released me. And it was very unusual
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in spet izpustila. Zame je bilo zelo nenavadno
06:52
for me to ever experience any kind of pain,
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izkusiti kakršnokoli bolečino,
06:55
so I thought, "OK, I'll just start my normal routine."
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zato sem si mislila: "V redu, začela bom s svojo dnevno rutino."
06:57
So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,
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Tako sem vstala in skočila na svojo kardio napravo,
07:00
which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.
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napravo za vadbo celega telesa.
07:03
And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing
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In ko telovadim na tej stvari, ugotovim,
07:08
that my hands look like primitive claws grasping
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da so moje roke videti kot primitivne klešče, ki se trudijo oprijeti
07:12
onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."
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ročaja. Pomislila sem: "Kako čudno."
07:15
And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,
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Ko sem pogledala svoje telo, sem si mislila: "Uhoa,
07:18
I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though
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kako čudno bitje sem." In bilo je, kot da
07:21
my consciousness had shifted away from my normal
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je zavest preklopila od moje normalne
07:24
perception of reality, where I'm the person on the
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zaznave realnosti, kjer sem oseba na
07:27
machine having the experience, to some esoteric space
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vadbenem rekvizitu, ki je del tega dogajanja, na neko ezoterično polje,
07:30
where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.
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kjer samo sebe opazujem pri tej isti izkušnji.
07:35
And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was
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Vse je bilo zelo nenavadno in moj glavobol je
07:37
just getting worse. So I get off the machine,
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postajal hujši. Grem dol z naprave,
07:39
and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I
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hodim po dnevni sobi in se
07:42
realize that everything inside of my body has
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zavem, da se je vse znotraj mojega telesa
07:44
slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and
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upočasnilo. In vsak korak je zelo tog in
07:49
very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,
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skoraj prisiljen. Ni nikakršnega tekočega gibanja,
07:52
and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,
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moje zaznavanje pa je na nek način omejeno,
07:55
so I'm just focused on internal systems.
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zato se osredotočim le na notranji sistem.
07:59
And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to
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Stojim v kopalnici, pripravljena,
08:01
step into the shower, and I could actually hear the
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da stopim pod tuš, in dejansko lahko slišim
08:03
dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice
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dialog znotraj lastnega telesa. Slišala sem glasek,
08:06
saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.
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ki pravi: "V redu, ve mišice se skrčite.
08:09
You muscles, you relax."
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Ve mišice pa se sprostite.”
08:10
And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.
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Nato sem zgubila ravnotežje in se naslonila ob steno.
08:13
And I look down at my arm and I realize
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In pogledam dol po svoji roki in ugotovim,
08:17
that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.
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da ne morem več določiti meja svojega telesa.
08:21
I can't define where I begin and where I end,
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Ne morem določiti, kje se začnem in kje končam,
08:25
because the atoms and the molecules of my arm
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zato ker so se atomi in molekule moje roke
08:28
blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.
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zlili z atomi in molekulami stene.
08:32
And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.
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In vse, kar sem lahko zaznala, je bila ta energija - energija.
08:36
And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?
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In se vprašam: "Kaj je narobe z mano?
08:38
What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --
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Kaj se dogaja?" In v tistem trenutku je moj možganski dialog -
08:42
my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.
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dialog moje leve možganske poloble - popolnoma utihnil.
08:45
Just like someone took a remote control
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Kot da bi nekdo vzel daljinca
08:48
and pushed the mute button. Total silence.
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in pritisnil gumb tišina. Popolna tišina.
08:51
And at first I was shocked to find myself
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In najprej sem bila šokirana, da sem se znašla
08:54
inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately
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znotraj tihega uma. Ampak potem sem bila takoj
08:58
captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.
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prevzeta od prečudovite energije okoli mene.
09:02
And because I could no longer identify
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In ker nisem več zaznavala
09:06
the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.
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meja svojega lastnega telesa, sem se počutila ogromna in raztegljiva.
09:09
I felt at one with all the energy that was,
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Počutila sem se eno z vso energijo, ki je bila,
09:13
and it was beautiful there.
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in bilo je krasno.
09:16
Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back
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Nato se je naenkrat vklopila moja leva možganska polobla
09:18
online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!
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in mi rekla: "Hej! Imamo problem!
09:21
We got a problem! We gotta get some help."
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Imamo problem! Moramo po pomoč."
09:23
And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.
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In jaz: "Ahh! Imam problem.
09:25
I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."
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Imam problem." Je kot: "V redu. V redu. Imam problem."
09:28
But then I immediately drifted right back
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Ampak takoj potem me je odneslo nazaj
09:31
out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately
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v zavest - in temu prostoru
09:34
refer to this space as La La Land.
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ljubkovalno rečem "La la svet".
09:38
But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would
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Ampak bilo je krasno. Predstavljajte si, kako bi
09:40
be like to be totally disconnected from your brain
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bilo, če bi bili popolnoma odklopljeni od lastnega možganskega
09:43
chatter that connects you to the external world.
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dialoga, ki vas povezuje z zunanjim svetom.
09:46
So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any
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Tako sem tam v tem prostoru in moja služba - in ves
09:49
stress related to my job -- it was gone.
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stres povezan z mojo službo - je izginil.
09:52
And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine
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Počutila sem se lažjo v svojem telesu. Zamislite si
09:55
all of the relationships in the external world and any
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vsa razmerja iz zunanjega sveta in ves
09:59
stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.
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stres, povezan z njimi: vse to je izginilo.
10:02
And I felt this sense of peacefulness.
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Prevzel me je občutek miru.
10:07
And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!
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Predstavljajte si, kako bi bilo rešiti se 37 let čustvene prtljage!
10:12
(Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria --
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(Smeh) Oh! Bila sem evforična!
10:18
euphoria. It was beautiful.
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Evforija. Bilo je čudovito.
10:21
And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,
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In potem se je vklopila moja leva možganska polobla in rekla:
10:23
"Hey! You've got to pay attention.
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"Hej! Pozorna bodi.
10:25
We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.
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Morava poiskati pomoč." In jaz pomislim: "Moram poiskati pomoč.
10:27
I gotta focus."
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Moram se zbrati."
10:29
So I get out of the shower and I mechanically
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Tako grem izpod tuša in se mehansko
10:31
dress and I'm walking around my apartment,
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oblečem in hodim naokrog po svojem stanovanju
10:33
and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work.
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in si mislim: "Moram v službo. Moram v službo.
10:35
Can I drive? Can I drive?"
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Ali lahko vozim? Lahko vozim?"
10:38
And in that moment my right arm went totally
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In v tem trenutku je moja desna roka obstala popolnoma
10:40
paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,
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paralizirana ob meni. Tedaj sem dojela:
10:43
"Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"
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"O, madonca! Kap me je zadela! Kap me je zadela!"
10:46
And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!
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In naslednja reč, ki so mi jo sporočili možgani, je: "Vau,
10:49
This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!
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to je tako super." (Smeh) "To je tako super!
10:55
How many brain scientists have the opportunity
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Koliko možganskih znanstvenikov je imelo možnost
10:57
to study their own brain from the inside out?"
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preučevati svoje lastne možgane od znotraj?"
11:00
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
11:02
And then it crosses my mind, "But I'm a very busy woman!"
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In takrat me je prešinilo: "Ampak jaz sem zelo zaposlena ženska!"
11:06
(Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"
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(Smeh) "Nimam časa za kap!"
11:09
So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,
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In si mislim: "V redu, ne morem preprečiti kapi,
11:11
so I'll do this for a week or two, and
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zato bom takšna teden ali dva,
11:14
then I'll get back to my routine. OK.
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potem pa se vrnem v svojo rutino. V redu.
11:16
So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."
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Torej moram poklicati pomoč. Moram poklicati v službo."
11:18
I couldn't remember the number at work,
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Nisem se mogla spomnit službene številke,
11:20
so I remembered, in my office I had a business card
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a me je prešinilo, da imam v svoji pisarni službeno vizitko
11:22
with my number on it. So I go into my business room,
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s telefonsko številko. Torej grem v delovno sobo,
11:25
I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.
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in potegnem ven zajeten kupček vizitk.
11:28
And I'm looking at the card on top and even though
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Gledam vrhnjo vizitko in čeprav
11:31
I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,
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sem imela jasno predstavo o tem, kako je videti moja,
11:35
I couldn't tell if this
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nisem bila prepričana, ali je to
11:37
was my card or not, because all I could see were pixels.
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moja vizitka ali ne, ker so bile vse, kar sem videla, samo točke.
11:40
And the pixels of the words blended
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In točke besed so se zlile
11:42
with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,
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s točkami podlage in točkami simbolov,
11:45
and I just couldn't tell.
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in enostavno nisem vedela.
11:47
And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.
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In nato sem čakala na to, čemur sama pravim val streznitve.
11:50
And in that moment, I would be able to
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In v tistem trenutku sem se lahko ponovno
11:53
reattach to normal reality and I could tell
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povezala z normalno realnostjo, ko sem vedela,
11:56
that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.
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da to ni prava vizitka... to ni ta vizitka... to ni ta vizitka.
11:58
It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down
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Potrebovala sem 45 minut, da sem pregledala poltretji centimeter
12:02
inside of that stack of cards.
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tistega kupčka vizitk.
12:05
In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is
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Medtem vseh 45 minut krvavitev v moji levi možganski polovici
12:07
getting bigger in my left hemisphere.
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postaja večja.
12:09
I do not understand numbers, I do not understand the telephone,
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Ne razumem več števil, ne razumem telefona,
12:12
but it's the only plan I have.
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ampak to je edini načrt, ki ga imam.
12:14
So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,
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Vzamem telefon in ga držim tako. Vzamem vizitko,
12:17
I put it right here, and
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jo postavim zraven in
12:19
I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card
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primerjam čačke na vizitki
12:23
to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.
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s čačkami na telefonski številčnici.
12:26
But then I would drift back out into La La Land,
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In takrat me zaziba nazaj v "La la svet"...
12:29
and not remember when I came back if I'd already
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Ko sem prišla nazaj, se nisem spomnila, ali sem že
12:32
dialed those numbers.
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zavrtela tiste številke.
12:33
So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump
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Tako sem kot neroda zavihtela svojo paralizirano roko
12:37
and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed
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in prekrila pritisnjene številke,
12:40
them, so that as I would come back to normal
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da bi, ko se bom vrnila v normalno stanje,
12:43
reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."
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vedela: "Da, to številko sem že pritisnila."
12:48
Eventually, the whole number gets dialed
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Sčasoma se celotna številka odvrti,
12:50
and I'm listening to the phone, and
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jaz poslušam,
12:52
my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,
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kolega dvigne telefon in mi reče:
12:56
"Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself,
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"Woo woo woo woo.” (Smeh) Sama pri sebi mislim:
13:01
"Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"
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"Ujej, zveni kot zlati prinašalec."
13:08
And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:
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In tako mu rečem - počutim se popolnoma prisebna - mu rečem:
13:10
"This is Jill! I need help!"
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"Tu je Jill! Potrebujem pomoč!"
13:13
And what comes out of my voice is, "Woo woo woo woo woo."
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A tisto, kar pride iz mene, je: "Woo woo woo woo.”
13:16
I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, I sound like a Golden Retriever."
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In si mislim: "Ujej, jaz zvenim kot zlati prinašalec."
13:18
So I couldn't know -- I didn't know that
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Torej nisem mogla vedeti, nisem vedela, da
13:21
I couldn't speak or understand language until I tried.
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ne morem govoriti ali razumeti jezika, dokler nisem poskusila.
13:24
So he recognizes that I need help and he gets me help.
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Kolega dojame, da potrebujem pomoč in mi jo pošlje.
13:27
And a little while later, I am riding in an
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Malce kasneje se vozim v
13:31
ambulance from one hospital across Boston to [Massachusetts] General Hospital.
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rešilcu iz ene bolnišnice preko Bostona do glavne bolnišnice.
13:35
And I curl up into a little fetal ball.
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Zvijem se v mali klobčič.
13:37
And just like a balloon with the last bit of air,
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In kakor balon z zadnjimi atomčki zraka,
13:44
just, just right out of the balloon,
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kakor iz balona
13:47
I just felt my energy lift and just -- I felt my spirit surrender.
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sem čutila dvigovanje svoje energije in kako se moj duh predaja.
13:51
And in that moment, I knew that I
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In v tem trenutku sem vedela,
13:57
was no longer the choreographer of my life.
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da nisem več koreograf svojega življenja.
14:00
And either the doctors rescue my body and give me a
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Ali me bodo zdravniki rešili in mi dali
14:03
second chance at life, or this was perhaps
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drugo možnost v življenju ali pa je bil to morda
14:06
my moment of transition.
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moj trenutek prehoda.
14:13
When I woke later that afternoon, I was shocked
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Ko sem se prebudila kasneje tistega popoldneva, sem šokirana
14:17
to discover that I was still alive. When I felt my spirit surrender,
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ugotovila, da sem še vedno živa. Ko sem začutila predajo svoje duše,
14:22
I said goodbye to my life.
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sem se poslovila od svojega življenja.
14:25
And my mind was now suspended between two very
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Moj um se je ujel med dve
14:29
opposite planes of reality. Stimulation coming in
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nasprotni ravni realnosti. Dražljaje, ki so prihajali
14:33
through my sensory systems felt like pure pain.
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prek čutil, sem občutila kot čisto bolečino.
14:37
Light burned my brain like wildfire, and sounds
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Svetloba je žgala moje možgane kot divji ogenj in zvoki
14:41
were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a
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so bili tako glasni in kaotični, da nisem mogla razbrati
14:45
voice out from the background noise,
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glasu iz ozadja.
14:49
and I just wanted to escape. Because I could not identify the
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Vse, kar sem želela, je bilo to, da bi pobegnila. Ker nisem mogla prepoznati
14:53
position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive,
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položaja svojega telesa v prostoru, sem se počutila ogromna in raztegljiva,
14:58
like a genie just liberated from her bottle.
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kot duh, ki se je ravnokar izvil iz svoje svetilke.
15:03
And my spirit soared free, like a great whale
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Moja duša je lebdela, prosta kot veliki kit,
15:08
gliding through the sea of silent euphoria.
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drseč čez ocean tihe evforije.
15:14
Nirvana. I found Nirvana. And I remember thinking,
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Nirvana. Našla sem nirvano. Spomnim se razmišljanja o tem,
15:22
there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze
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da ni mogoče stisniti
15:25
the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.
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tega velikanskega jaza nazaj v to drobceno telesce.
15:32
But then I realized, "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive,
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Ampak potem sem dojela: "Ampak še vedno sem živa! Še sem živa,
15:36
and I have found Nirvana. And if I have
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in našla sem nirvano! In če sem
15:40
found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone
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našla nirvano in sem še živa, potem lahko vsakdo,
15:43
who is alive can find Nirvana." And I pictured a world
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ki je živ, najde nirvano!" In zamislila sem si svet,
15:50
filled with beautiful, peaceful, compassionate,
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poln lepih, mirnih, sočutnih,
15:54
loving people who knew that they could come to
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ljubečih ljudi, ki se zavedajo, da lahko kadarkoli pridejo
15:57
this space at any time. And that they could
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v ta prostor. Da lahko
16:01
purposely choose to step to the right of their
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namenoma stopijo v realnost svoje
16:05
left hemispheres and find this peace. And then
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desne možganske poloble in najdejo ta mir.
16:10
I realized what a tremendous gift this experience
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Spoznala sem, kakšen neverjeten dar je lahko ta izkušnja,
16:14
could be, what a stroke of insight this could be
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kakšna kap spoznanja je to o tem,
16:19
to how we live our lives. And it motivated me to recover.
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kako živeti vsakdanje življenje. To me je motiviralo k ozdravitvi.
16:28
Two and a half weeks after the hemorrhage, the
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Dva in pol tedna po krvavitvi so
16:31
surgeons went in and they removed a blood clot
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kirurgi odstranili krvni strdek v velikosti žogice za golf,
16:33
the size of a golf ball that was pushing on my language centers.
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ki je pritiskal na moje govorne centre.
16:36
Here I am with my mama,
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Tukaj sem z svojo mamo,
16:38
who is a true angel in my life. It took me eight years to completely recover.
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ki je pravi angel v mojem življenju. Potrebovala sem 8 let, da sem popolnoma okrevala.
16:47
So who are we? We are the life-force power of the universe,
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Torej, kdo smo? Smo življenjska sila vesolja
16:52
with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds.
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z ročno spretnostjo in z dvema ravnema dojemanja realnosti.
16:57
And we have the power to choose, moment by moment,
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V vsakem trenutku imamo moč izbrati,
17:01
who and how we want to be in the world.
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kdo in kakšni želimo biti v tem svetu.
17:06
Right here, right now, I can step into the
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Točno tukaj, točno zdaj, lahko stopim
17:08
consciousness of my right hemisphere, where we are.
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v svoje zavedanje svoje desne možganske poloble, kjer smo.
17:12
I am the life-force power of the universe.
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Sem življenjska sila moči vesolja.
17:16
I am the life-force power of the 50 trillion beautiful
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Sem življenjska sila moči 50 bilijonov čudovitih
17:19
molecular geniuses that make up my form, at one with all that is.
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molekularnih genijev, ki kreirajo mojo podobo, eno z vsem, kar je.
17:25
Or, I can choose to step into the consciousness of
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Ali pa se odločim vstopiti v zavedanje
17:28
my left hemisphere, where I become a single individual,
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svoje leve možanske poloble, ki me spremeni v posameznico,
17:32
a solid. Separate from the flow,
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telo, ločeno od toka,
17:36
separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor:
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ločeno od vas. Sem Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor,
17:39
intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.
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intelektualka, nevroanatominja. To smo “mi” znotraj mene.
17:50
Which would you choose? Which do you choose? And when?
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Kaj bi vi izbrali? Kaj izberete? In kdaj?
17:59
I believe that the more time we spend
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Verjamem, da več časa, kot posvetimo
18:03
choosing to run the deep inner-peace circuitry
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globokemu mirnemu toku
18:06
of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will
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svoje desne možganske poloble, več miru
18:09
project into the world, and the more peaceful our planet will be.
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bomo izžarevali v svet in mirnejši bo naš planet.
18:13
And I thought that was an idea worth spreading.
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In menim, da je to ideja, vredna, da jo širimo. Hvala.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jill Bolte Taylor - NeuroanatomistBrain researcher Jill Bolte Taylor studied her own stroke as it happened -- and has become a powerful voice for brain recovery.
Why you should listen
One morning, a blood vessel in Jill Bolte Taylor's brain exploded. As a brain scientist, she realized she had a ringside seat to her own stroke. She watched as her brain functions shut down one by one: motion, speech, memory, self-awareness ...
Amazed to find herself alive, Taylor spent eight years recovering her ability to think, walk and talk. She has become a spokesperson for stroke recovery and for the possibility of coming back from brain injury stronger than before. In her case, although the stroke damaged the left side of her brain, her recovery unleashed a torrent of creative energy from her right. From her home base in Indiana, she now travels the country on behalf of the Harvard Brain Bank as the "Singin' Scientist."
Jill Bolte Taylor | Speaker | TED.com