TEDxKC
Martin Pistorius: How my mind came back to life — and no one knew
Mārtins Pistoriuss: Kā mana apziņa atgriezās — un neviens to nezināja
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Readability: 3.4
2,460,653 views
Iedomājieties, ka nespējat pateikt "esmu izsalcis", "man sāp", "paldies" vai "es tevi mīlu", ka esat zaudējis spēju sazināties, ka esat iesprostots savā ķermenī, starp cilvēkiem, tomēr pilnīgi viens. 13 garus gadus tā bija Mārtina Pistoriusa realitāte. 12 gadu vecumā Pistoriuss saslima ar smadzeņu infekciju un zaudēja spēju kontrolēt savas kustības un runāt. Galu galā viņš neizturēja nevienu apziņas testu. Viņš bija kļuvis par spoku. Taču tad notika kas dīvains — viņa prāta spējas pamazām sāka atgriezties. Šajā aizkustinošajā runā Pistoriuss stāsta, kā viņš atbrīvojās no dzīves, kurā bija iesprostots pats savā ķermenī.
Martin Pistorius - Author, designer
At age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story. Full bio
At age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Imagine being unable to say,
"I am hungry," "I am in pain,"
"I am hungry," "I am in pain,"
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Iedomājieties, ka nespējat pateikt
"esmu izsalcis", "man sāp",
"esmu izsalcis", "man sāp",
00:18
"thank you," or "I love you."
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"paldies" vai "es tevi mīlu".
00:20
Being trapped inside your body,
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Ka esat iesprostoti savā ķermenī,
00:22
a body that doesn't respond to commands.
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ķermenī, kas nepakļaujas komandām.
00:26
Surrounded by people,
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Starp cilvēkiem,
00:27
yet utterly alone.
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tomēr pilnīgi vieni.
00:29
Wishing you could reach out,
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Vēloties, kaut varētu uzrunāt,
00:31
to connect, to comfort, to participate.
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sazināties, mierināt, piedalīties.
00:35
For 13 long years, that was my reality.
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13 garus gadus tā bija mana realitāte.
00:39
Most of us never think twice
about talking, about communicating.
about talking, about communicating.
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Vairums no mums nekad neaizdomājas
par sarunāšanos un saziņu.
par sarunāšanos un saziņu.
00:45
I've thought a lot about it.
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Es par to esmu domājis daudz.
00:47
I've had a lot of time to think.
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Man bija daudz laika pārdomām.
00:49
For the first 12 years of my life,
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Pirmos 12 dzīves gadus
00:52
I was a normal, happy, healthy little boy.
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es biju normāls, laimīgs
un veselīgs mazs zēns.
un veselīgs mazs zēns.
00:54
Then everything changed.
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Pēc tam viss mainījās.
00:56
I contracted a brain infection.
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Es saslimu ar smadzeņu infekciju.
00:59
The doctors weren't sure what it was,
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Ārsti nebija pārliecināti, kas man kaiš,
01:01
but they treated me the best they could.
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bet viņi mani ārstēja, kā vien spēja.
01:04
However, I progressively got worse.
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Tomēr man kļuva arvien sliktāk.
01:07
Eventually, I lost my ability
to control my movements,
to control my movements,
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Galu galā es zaudēju spēju
kontrolēt savas kustības,
kontrolēt savas kustības,
01:11
make eye contact,
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veidot acu kontaktu
01:13
and finally, my ability to speak.
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un visbeidzot – spēju runāt.
01:17
While in hospital,
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Esot slimnīcā,
01:18
I desperately wanted to go home.
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es izmisīgi vēlējos doties mājās.
01:21
I said to my mother, "When home?"
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Es jautāju savai mātei: "Kad mājās?"
01:24
Those were the last words
I ever spoke with my own voice.
I ever spoke with my own voice.
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Tie bija pēdējie vārdi,
ko izrunāju pats savā balsī.
ko izrunāju pats savā balsī.
01:28
I would eventually fail every test
for mental awareness.
for mental awareness.
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Galu galā es neizturēju
nevienu apziņas testu.
nevienu apziņas testu.
01:32
My parents were told
I was as good as not there.
I was as good as not there.
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Maniem vecākiem teica,
ka manis tikpat kā nav.
ka manis tikpat kā nav.
01:35
A vegetable, having the intelligence
of a three-month-old baby.
of a three-month-old baby.
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Dārzenis ar trīs mēnešus veca
zīdaiņa prāta spējām.
zīdaiņa prāta spējām.
01:40
They were told to take me home
and try to keep me comfortable
and try to keep me comfortable
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Viņiem teica, lai ved mani mājās
un cenšas nodrošināt man ērtu dzīvi,
un cenšas nodrošināt man ērtu dzīvi,
01:43
until I died.
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līdz es nomiršu.
01:46
My parents, in fact
my entire family's lives,
my entire family's lives,
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Manu vecāku un patiesībā
visas manas ģimenes dzīvi
visas manas ģimenes dzīvi
01:49
became consumed by taking care of me
the best they knew how.
the best they knew how.
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aizņēma rūpēšanās par mani
tik labi, cik vien viņi spēja.
tik labi, cik vien viņi spēja.
01:53
Their friends drifted away.
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Viņu draugi attālinājās.
01:56
One year turned to two,
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Viens gads pārvērtās par diviem,
01:58
two turned to three.
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divi – par trīs.
02:00
It seemed like the person I once was
began to disappear.
began to disappear.
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Šķita, ka cilvēks,
kas reiz biju, sāka izzust.
kas reiz biju, sāka izzust.
02:04
The Lego blocks and electronic circuits
I'd loved as a boy were put away.
I'd loved as a boy were put away.
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Lego klucīši un elektroshēmas,
kas man patika bērnībā, tika aizvākti.
kas man patika bērnībā, tika aizvākti.
02:09
I had been moved out of my bedroom
into another more practical one.
into another more practical one.
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No manas guļamistabas mani pārcēla
uz citu, praktiskāku istabu.
uz citu, praktiskāku istabu.
02:14
I had become a ghost,
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Es biju kļuvis par spoku,
02:15
a faded memory of a boy
people once knew and loved.
people once knew and loved.
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blāvām atmiņām par zēnu,
ko cilvēki reiz pazina un mīlēja.
ko cilvēki reiz pazina un mīlēja.
02:20
Meanwhile, my mind began
knitting itself back together.
knitting itself back together.
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Tikmēr manas prāta spējas
sāka pamazām atgriezties.
sāka pamazām atgriezties.
02:24
Gradually, my awareness started to return.
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Mana apziņa pakāpeniski atgriezās.
02:27
But no one realized
that I had come back to life.
that I had come back to life.
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Tomēr neviens nesaprata,
ka esmu atgriezies dzīvē.
ka esmu atgriezies dzīvē.
02:30
I was aware of everything,
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Es visu apzinājos –
02:32
just like any normal person.
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gluži kā jebkurš normāls cilvēks.
02:34
I could see and understand everything,
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Es spēju visu redzēt un saprast,
02:37
but I couldn't find a way
to let anybody know.
to let anybody know.
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bet nezināju, kā lai to pavēstu citiem.
02:40
My personality was entombed
within a seemingly silent body,
within a seemingly silent body,
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Mana personība bija ieslēgta
šķietami klusējošā ķermenī,
šķietami klusējošā ķermenī,
02:44
a vibrant mind hidden in plain sight
within a chrysalis.
within a chrysalis.
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kūsājošais prāts paslēpts kūniņā
turpat acu priekšā.
turpat acu priekšā.
02:48
The stark reality hit me
that I was going to spend
that I was going to spend
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Es aptvēru skarbo realitāti –
ka pavadīšu atlikušo dzīvi,
ieslodzīts savā ķermenī,
ieslodzīts savā ķermenī,
02:51
the rest of my life locked inside myself,
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02:54
totally alone.
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pilnīgi viens.
02:56
I was trapped with only
my thoughts for company.
my thoughts for company.
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Es biju kā slazdā, un mani vienīgie draugi
bija manas domas.
bija manas domas.
02:59
I would never be rescued.
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Mani nekad neizglābs.
03:01
No one would ever show me tenderness.
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Neviens man nekad neizrādīs maigumu.
03:04
I would never talk to a friend.
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Es nekad nesarunāšos ar draugiem.
03:07
No one would ever love me.
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Neviens nekad mani nemīlēs.
03:09
I had no dreams, no hope,
nothing to look forward to.
nothing to look forward to.
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Man nebija ne sapņu, ne cerību,
nebija nekā, ko gaidīt.
nebija nekā, ko gaidīt.
03:14
Well, nothing pleasant.
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Nu, vismaz nekā patīkama.
03:16
I lived in fear,
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Es dzīvoju bailēs
03:17
and, to put it bluntly,
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un, godīgi sakot,
03:19
was waiting for death
to finally release me,
to finally release me,
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gaidīju, kad nāve mani beidzot atbrīvos,
03:22
expecting to die all alone in a care home.
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domādams, ka nomiršu
aprūpes namā pilnīgi viens.
aprūpes namā pilnīgi viens.
03:26
I don't know if it's truly possible
to express in words
to express in words
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Es nezinu, vai patiešām
ir iespējams izteikt vārdos,
ir iespējams izteikt vārdos,
03:29
what it's like not to be able
to communicate.
to communicate.
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kā ir nespēt sazināties.
03:32
Your personality appears
to vanish into a heavy fog
to vanish into a heavy fog
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Tava personība šķiet pazūdam biezā miglā,
03:36
and all of your emotions and desires are
constricted, stifled and muted within you.
constricted, stifled and muted within you.
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un visas tavas emocijas un vēlmes
ir ierobežotas, apspiestas un apslāpētas.
ir ierobežotas, apspiestas un apslāpētas.
03:42
For me, the worst was the feeling
of utter powerlessness.
of utter powerlessness.
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Visneciešamākā man šķita
pilnīgās bezspēcības sajūta.
pilnīgās bezspēcības sajūta.
03:46
I simply existed.
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Es vienkārši eksistēju.
03:48
It's a very dark place to find yourself
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Ir drausmīgi nokļūt tādā situācijā,
03:51
because in a sense, you have vanished.
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jo zināmā mērā tu esi izgaisis.
03:55
Other people controlled
every aspect of my life.
every aspect of my life.
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Ikvienu manas dzīves aspektu
kontrolēja citi cilvēki.
kontrolēja citi cilvēki.
03:58
They decided what I ate and when.
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Viņi izlēma, ko un kad es ēdu.
04:00
Whether I was laid on my side
or strapped into my wheelchair.
or strapped into my wheelchair.
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Vai es gulēju uz sāna
vai biju piesiets ratiņkrēslam.
vai biju piesiets ratiņkrēslam.
04:04
I often spent my days
positioned in front of the TV
positioned in front of the TV
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Es bieži vien pavadīju laiku
nosēdināts pie televizora,
nosēdināts pie televizora,
04:07
watching Barney reruns.
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skatoties "Bārnija" atkārtojumus.
04:10
I think because Barney
is so happy and jolly,
is so happy and jolly,
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Šķiet, tāpēc ka Bārnijs
ir tik laimīgs un priecīgs,
ir tik laimīgs un priecīgs,
04:13
and I absolutely wasn't,
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bet es nepavisam tāds nebiju,
04:15
it made it so much worse.
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tas visu padarīja daudz sliktāku.
04:17
I was completely powerless
to change anything in my life
to change anything in my life
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Es biju pilnībā bezspēcīgs
jebko savā dzīvē mainīt,
jebko savā dzīvē mainīt,
04:21
or people's perceptions of me.
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mainīt cilvēku domas par mani.
04:23
I was a silent, invisible observer
of how people behaved
of how people behaved
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Es klusi un neredzami vēroju
cilvēku uzvedību,
cilvēku uzvedību,
04:27
when they thought no one was watching.
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kad viņiem šķita, ka neviens neskatās.
04:29
Unfortunately, I wasn't only an observer.
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Diemžēl es nebiju tikai vērotājs.
04:33
With no way to communicate,
I became the perfect victim:
I became the perfect victim:
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Nespējot sazināties,
es kļuvu par ideālu upuri –
es kļuvu par ideālu upuri –
04:37
a defenseless object,
seemingly devoid of feelings
seemingly devoid of feelings
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es nespēju aizsargāties,
man šķietami nebija jūtu,
man šķietami nebija jūtu,
04:41
that people used
to play out their darkest desires.
to play out their darkest desires.
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un cilvēki to izmantoja, lai piepildītu
savas nekrietnākās vēlmes.
savas nekrietnākās vēlmes.
04:45
For more than 10 years,
people who were charged with my care
people who were charged with my care
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Vairāk nekā 10 gadus cilvēki,
kam bija uzticēts mani aprūpēt,
kam bija uzticēts mani aprūpēt,
04:48
abused me physically,
verbally and sexually.
verbally and sexually.
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mani fiziski un vārdiski aizskāra
un seksuāli izmantoja.
un seksuāli izmantoja.
04:52
Despite what they thought, I did feel.
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Neraugoties uz to,
ko domāja viņi, es jutu.
ko domāja viņi, es jutu.
04:56
The first time it happened,
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Pirmoreiz, kad tas notika,
04:58
I was shocked and filled with disbelief.
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es biju satriekts un neticības pilns.
05:00
How could they do this to me?
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Kā viņi varēja man to nodarīt?
05:03
I was confused.
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Es biju apmulsis.
05:04
What had I done to deserve this?
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Par ko es to biju pelnījis?
05:07
Part of me wanted to cry
and another part wanted to fight.
and another part wanted to fight.
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Daļa manis vēlējās raudāt,
bet daļa – cīnīties.
bet daļa – cīnīties.
05:11
Hurt, sadness and anger
flooded through me.
flooded through me.
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Mani pārpludināja
sāpes, skumjas un dusmas.
sāpes, skumjas un dusmas.
05:15
I felt worthless.
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Es jutos nevērtīgs.
05:17
There was no one to comfort me.
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Nebija neviena, kas mani mierinātu.
05:20
But neither of my parents
knew this was happening.
knew this was happening.
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Mani vecāki nezināja par notiekošo.
05:23
I lived in terror, knowing
it would happen again and again.
it would happen again and again.
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Es dzīvoju šausmās, zinot,
ka tas notiks atkal un atkal.
ka tas notiks atkal un atkal.
05:27
I just never knew when.
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Es tikai nezināju, kad.
05:29
All I knew was that I would
never be the same.
never be the same.
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Es zināju tikai to,
ka vairs nekad nebūšu, kāds biju.
ka vairs nekad nebūšu, kāds biju.
05:33
I remember once listening
to Whitney Houston singing,
to Whitney Houston singing,
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Es atceros, ka reiz klausījos,
kā Vitnija Hjūstone dzied:
kā Vitnija Hjūstone dzied:
05:37
"No matter what they take from me,
they can't take away my dignity."
they can't take away my dignity."
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"Lai ko man atņemtu, man neatņems godu."
05:41
And I thought to myself,
"You want to bet?"
"You want to bet?"
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Es nodomāju pie sevis: "Gribi saderēt?"
05:47
Perhaps my parents could have
found out and could have helped.
found out and could have helped.
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Iespējams, mani vecāki
būtu varējuši uzzināt un palīdzēt.
būtu varējuši uzzināt un palīdzēt.
05:50
But the years of constant caretaking,
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Tomēr gadiem ilgā manis aprūpēšana,
05:53
having to wake up
every two hours to turn me,
every two hours to turn me,
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mošanās, lai ik pēc divām
stundām mani pagrieztu,
stundām mani pagrieztu,
05:56
combined with them essentially
grieving the loss of their son,
grieving the loss of their son,
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un sēras par dēla zaudējumu
05:59
had taken a toll on my mother and father.
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negatīvi ietekmēja manu māti un tēvu.
06:02
Following yet another heated argument
between my parents,
between my parents,
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Pēc vēl viena karsta strīda vecāku starpā,
06:06
in a moment of despair and desperation,
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izmisuma un bezcerības brīdī,
06:09
my mother turned to me
and told me that I should die.
and told me that I should die.
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mana māte pagriezās pret mani
un teica, ka vēlas, kaut es nomirtu.
un teica, ka vēlas, kaut es nomirtu.
06:14
I was shocked, but as I thought
about what she had said,
about what she had said,
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Es biju satriekts,
bet, apdomājot viņas teikto,
bet, apdomājot viņas teikto,
06:17
I was filled with enormous compassion
and love for my mother,
and love for my mother,
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mani pārņēma milzīga līdzjūtība
un mīlestība pret savu māti,
un mīlestība pret savu māti,
06:21
yet I could do nothing about it.
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tomēr es neko nespēju izdarīt.
06:24
There were many moments when I gave up,
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Es daudzkārt padevos,
06:27
sinking into a dark abyss.
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iegrimstot tumšā bezdibenī.
06:29
I remember one particularly low moment.
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Es atceros kādu īpaši smagu brīdi.
06:32
My dad left me alone in the car
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Mans tēvs atstāja mani mašīnā vienu,
06:34
while he quickly went
to buy something from the store.
to buy something from the store.
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bet pats uz brīdi iegāja veikalā,
lai kaut ko nopirktu.
lai kaut ko nopirktu.
06:38
A random stranger walked past,
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Garām gāja kāds svešinieks –
06:41
looked at me and he smiled.
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viņš paskatījās uz mani un pasmaidīja.
06:44
I may never know why, but that simple act,
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Es nezinu, kāpēc, bet šī vienkāršā rīcība,
06:48
the fleeting moment of human connection,
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šī gaistošā mirkļa cilvēciskā saikne
06:50
transformed how I was feeling,
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mainīja manas sajūtas,
06:52
making me want to keep going.
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radot manī vēlmi nepadoties.
06:55
My existence was tortured by monotony,
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Manu eksistenci mocīja monotonija,
06:58
a reality that was often too much to bear.
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realitāte, kuru bieži vien
bija pārāk grūti izturēt.
bija pārāk grūti izturēt.
07:01
Alone with my thoughts,
I constructed intricate fantasies
I constructed intricate fantasies
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Vienatnē ar savām domām
es radīju sarežģītas fantāzijas
es radīju sarežģītas fantāzijas
07:05
about ants running across the floor.
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par skudrām, kas skrien pa grīdu.
07:09
I taught myself to tell the time
by noticing where the shadows were.
by noticing where the shadows were.
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Es iemācījos noteikt laiku
pēc ēnu atrašanās vietas.
pēc ēnu atrašanās vietas.
07:14
As I learned how the shadows moved
as the hours of the day passed,
as the hours of the day passed,
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Iegaumējot, kā ēnas pārvietojas,
diennakts stundām ritot,
diennakts stundām ritot,
07:18
I understood how long it would be
before I was picked up and taken home.
before I was picked up and taken home.
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es zināju, pēc cik ilga laika
man atbrauks pakaļ un aizvedīs mājās.
man atbrauks pakaļ un aizvedīs mājās.
07:23
Seeing my father walk
through the door to collect me
through the door to collect me
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Redzēt savu tēvu ienākam pa durvīm,
lai vestu mani mājās,
lai vestu mani mājās,
07:26
was the best moment of the day.
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bija dienas labākais brīdis.
07:29
My mind became a tool that I could use
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Mans prāts kļuva par rīku,
ko es varēju izmantot,
ko es varēju izmantot,
07:31
to either close down
to retreat from my reality
to retreat from my reality
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lai noslēgtos, izbēgtu no realitātes
07:34
or enlarge into a gigantic space
that I could fill with fantasies.
that I could fill with fantasies.
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vai izplestos milzīgā telpā,
ko varēju piepildīt ar fantāzijām.
ko varēju piepildīt ar fantāzijām.
07:39
I hoped that my reality would change
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Es cerēju, ka mana realitāte mainīsies
07:41
and someone would see
that I had come back to life.
that I had come back to life.
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un kāds pamanīs, ka esmu atgriezies dzīvē.
07:44
But I had been washed away
like a sand castle
like a sand castle
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Tomēr es biju aizskalots kā smilšu pils,
07:47
built too close to the waves,
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kas uzcelta pārāk tuvu viļņiem,
07:49
and in my place was the person
people expected me to be.
people expected me to be.
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un manā vietā bija cilvēks,
par kādu mani uzskatīja.
par kādu mani uzskatīja.
07:53
To some I was Martin,
a vacant shell, the vegetable,
a vacant shell, the vegetable,
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Dažiem es biju Mārtins,
tukša čaula, dārzenis,
tukša čaula, dārzenis,
07:57
deserving of harsh words,
dismissal and even abuse.
dismissal and even abuse.
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kas pelnījis skarbus vārdus,
noraidījumu un pat vardarbību.
noraidījumu un pat vardarbību.
08:02
To others, I was the tragically
brain-damaged boy
brain-damaged boy
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Citu acīs es biju zēns
ar traģisku smadzeņu bojājumu,
ar traģisku smadzeņu bojājumu,
08:04
who had grown to become a man.
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kas izaudzis par vīrieti.
08:07
Someone they were kind to and cared for.
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Es biju kāds, pret ko viņi
izturējās laipni un par ko rūpējās.
izturējās laipni un par ko rūpējās.
08:10
Good or bad, I was a blank canvas
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Labs vai slikts, es biju tukšs audekls,
08:12
onto which different versions
of myself were projected.
of myself were projected.
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uz kura tika projicētas
dažādas versijas par mani.
dažādas versijas par mani.
08:17
It took someone new
to see me in a different way.
to see me in a different way.
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Bija jāuzrodas jaunam cilvēkam,
lai uz mani paraudzītos citādi.
lai uz mani paraudzītos citādi.
08:20
An aromatherapist began coming
to the care home about once a week.
to the care home about once a week.
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Uz aprūpes namu reizi nedēļā
sāka nākt aromterapeite.
sāka nākt aromterapeite.
08:24
Whether through intuition
or her attention to details
or her attention to details
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Vai nu viņas intuīcija,
vai arī spēja ievērot detaļas,
ko citi neievēroja,
ko citi neievēroja,
08:27
that others failed to notice,
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495760
2016
08:29
she became convinced that I could
understand what was being said.
understand what was being said.
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radīja viņā pārliecību,
ka es saprotu sacīto.
ka es saprotu sacīto.
08:33
She urged my parents
to have me tested by experts
to have me tested by experts
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Viņa mudināja manus vecākus
aizvest mani uz pārbaudēm
aizvest mani uz pārbaudēm
08:37
in augmentative
and alternative communication.
and alternative communication.
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pie pastiprinošās un alternatīvās
komunikācijas speciālistiem.
komunikācijas speciālistiem.
08:40
And within a year,
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Gada laikā
08:42
I was beginning to use
a computer program to communicate.
a computer program to communicate.
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es sāku saziņai izmantot datorprogrammu.
08:46
It was exhilarating,
but frustrating at times.
but frustrating at times.
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3736
Tas mani ļoti iepriecināja,
bet reizēm arī kaitināja.
bet reizēm arī kaitināja.
08:49
I had so many words in my mind,
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Man prātā bija tik daudz vārdu,
08:51
that I couldn't wait
to be able to share them.
to be able to share them.
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ka nevarēju vien sagaidīt,
kad varēšu tos izteikt.
kad varēšu tos izteikt.
08:54
Sometimes, I would say things to myself
simply because I could.
simply because I could.
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Reizēm es pats sev kaut ko teicu
vienkārši tāpēc, ka es to varēju.
vienkārši tāpēc, ka es to varēju.
08:59
In myself, I had a ready audience,
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Es pats sev biju gatavs klausītājs,
09:02
and I believed that by expressing
my thoughts and wishes,
my thoughts and wishes,
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un es ticēju – ja izteikšu
savas domas un vēlmes,
savas domas un vēlmes,
09:05
others would listen, too.
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manī ieklausīsies arī citi.
09:07
But as I began to communicate more,
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Bet, sākot sazināties arvien vairāk,
09:09
I realized that it was in fact
only just the beginning
only just the beginning
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es sapratu, ka tas
patiesībā ir tikai sākums,
patiesībā ir tikai sākums,
09:12
of creating a new voice for myself.
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lai izveidotu sev jaunu balsi.
09:15
I was thrust into a world
I didn't quite know how to function in.
I didn't quite know how to function in.
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Es biju iesviests pasaulē,
kurā īsti nepratu funkcionēt.
kurā īsti nepratu funkcionēt.
09:19
I stopped going to the care home
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Es vairs neapmeklēju aprūpes namu
09:21
and managed to get my first job
making photocopies.
making photocopies.
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un atradu savu pirmo darbu –
es izgatavoju fotokopijas.
es izgatavoju fotokopijas.
09:25
As simple as this may sound,
it was amazing.
it was amazing.
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Lai gan tas izklausās
ļoti vienkārši, tas bija lieliski.
ļoti vienkārši, tas bija lieliski.
09:28
My new world was really exciting
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2016
Mana jaunā pasaule
bija patiesi aizraujoša,
bija patiesi aizraujoša,
09:30
but often quite overwhelming
and frightening.
and frightening.
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bet visai bieži tā bija
pārāk piesātināta un biedējoša.
pārāk piesātināta un biedējoša.
09:33
I was like a man-child,
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Es vienlaikus biju vīrietis un bērns –
09:35
and as liberating as it often was,
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lai gan tas bieži vien atviegloja dzīvi,
09:37
I struggled.
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1736
man gāja grūti.
09:39
I also learned that many of those
who had known me for a long time
who had known me for a long time
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3536
Es sapratu arī to, ka daudzi,
kas mani pazinuši ilgu laiku,
kas mani pazinuši ilgu laiku,
09:43
found it impossible to abandon the idea
of Martin they had in their heads.
of Martin they had in their heads.
182
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nespēj atteikties no tās idejas
par Mārtinu, kas mita viņu galvās.
par Mārtinu, kas mita viņu galvās.
Savukārt nesen iepazītiem cilvēkiem
09:47
While those I had only just met
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09:49
struggled to look past the image
of a silent man in a wheelchair.
of a silent man in a wheelchair.
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bija grūti manī ieraudzīt ko vairāk
nekā klusējošu vīrieti ratiņkrēslā.
nekā klusējošu vīrieti ratiņkrēslā.
09:54
I realized that some people
would only listen to me
would only listen to me
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Es apjautu, ka daži cilvēki
manī klausījās tikai tad,
manī klausījās tikai tad,
09:56
if what I said was in line
with what they expected.
with what they expected.
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ja manis teiktais atbilda viņu gaidām.
09:59
Otherwise, it was disregarded
187
587800
2016
Citādi viņi mani neņēma vērā
10:01
and they did what they felt was best.
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2656
un rīkojās tā, kā viņiem šķita labāk.
10:04
I discovered that true communication
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592520
2016
Es sapratu, ka patiesa saziņa
10:06
is about more than merely
physically conveying a message.
physically conveying a message.
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3816
nav tikai fiziska ziņas nodošana.
10:10
It is about getting the message
heard and respected.
heard and respected.
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2960
Saziņa ir ziņas uzklausīšana un cienīšana.
10:14
Still, things were going well.
192
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2256
Lai vai kā, gāja labi.
10:17
My body was slowly getting stronger.
193
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2576
Mans ķermenis lēnām kļuva stiprāks.
10:19
I had a job in computing that I loved,
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2456
Man bija darbs datorsistēmu jomā,
kas man patika,
kas man patika,
10:22
and had even got Kojak, the dog
I had been dreaming about for years.
I had been dreaming about for years.
195
610320
4896
un pat Kodžaks – suns,
par kuru es biju sapņojis gadiem ilgi.
par kuru es biju sapņojis gadiem ilgi.
10:27
However, I longed to share
my life with someone.
my life with someone.
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Tomēr es ilgojos pēc kāda,
ar ko dalīt savu dzīvi.
ar ko dalīt savu dzīvi.
10:31
I remember staring out the window
as my dad drove me home from work,
as my dad drove me home from work,
197
619200
4416
Es atceros, kā lūkojos pa logu,
kad tētis veda mani mājās no darba,
kad tētis veda mani mājās no darba,
10:35
thinking I have so much love inside of me
and nobody to give it to.
and nobody to give it to.
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4696
un domāju – manī ir tik daudz mīlestības,
bet nav neviena, kam to sniegt.
bet nav neviena, kam to sniegt.
10:40
Just as I had resigned myself
to being single for the rest of my life,
to being single for the rest of my life,
199
628360
4456
Tiklīdz biju padevies un nolēmis,
ka būšu viens visu atlikušo dzīvi,
ka būšu viens visu atlikušo dzīvi,
10:44
I met Joan.
200
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1776
es satiku Džoanu.
10:46
Not only is she the best thing
that has ever happened to me,
that has ever happened to me,
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3456
Viņa ir ne vien labākais,
kas ar mani jebkad noticis,
kas ar mani jebkad noticis,
10:50
but Joan helped me to challenge
my own misconceptions about myself.
my own misconceptions about myself.
202
638120
4896
bet Džoana arī palīdzēja man
atbrīvoties no paša maldīgajiem
priekšstatiem par sevi.
priekšstatiem par sevi.
10:55
Joan said it was through my words
that she fell in love with me.
that she fell in love with me.
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4616
Džoana teica, ka tieši mani vārdi
lika viņai manī iemīlēties.
lika viņai manī iemīlēties.
10:59
However, after all I had been through,
204
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Tomēr pēc visa pārciestā es joprojām
nespēju tikt vaļā no pārliecības,
nespēju tikt vaļā no pārliecības,
11:02
I still couldn't shake the belief
205
650480
1736
11:04
that nobody could truly see
beyond my disability
beyond my disability
206
652240
3216
ka neviens nespēj paraudzīties
pāri manai invaliditātei
pāri manai invaliditātei
11:07
and accept me for who I am.
207
655480
2576
un pieņemt mani tādu, kāds esmu.
11:10
I also really struggled
to comprehend that I was a man.
to comprehend that I was a man.
208
658080
4176
Man bija arī grūti aptvert,
ka esmu vīrietis.
ka esmu vīrietis.
11:14
The first time someone
referred to me as a man,
referred to me as a man,
209
662280
2816
Pirmoreiz, kad kāds runāja
par mani kā vīrieti,
par mani kā vīrieti,
11:17
it stopped me in my tracks.
210
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2296
es pavisam samulsu.
11:19
I felt like looking around
and asking, "Who, me?"
and asking, "Who, me?"
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4616
Es gandrīz vai gribēju jautāt:
“Jūs par mani?”
“Jūs par mani?”
11:24
That all changed with Joan.
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2176
Kopā ar Džoanu viss mainījās.
11:26
We have an amazing connection
213
674280
1576
Mums ir brīnišķīga saikne,
11:27
and I learned how important it is
to communicate openly and honestly.
to communicate openly and honestly.
214
675880
4656
un es esmu sapratis, cik liela nozīme
ir atvērtai un godīgai saziņai.
ir atvērtai un godīgai saziņai.
11:32
I felt safe, and it gave me the confidence
to truly say what I thought.
to truly say what I thought.
215
680560
4936
Es jutos drošībā, un tas man deva
drosmi teikt, ko patiešām domāju.
drosmi teikt, ko patiešām domāju.
11:37
I started to feel whole again,
a man worthy of love.
a man worthy of love.
216
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Es atkal jutos pilnvērtīgs –
kā vīrietis, kas pelnījis mīlestību.
kā vīrietis, kas pelnījis mīlestību.
11:41
I began to reshape my destiny.
217
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Es sāku mainīt savu likteni.
11:44
I spoke up a little more at work.
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Darbā biežāk izteicu savu viedokli.
11:46
I asserted my need for independence
to the people around me.
to the people around me.
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4376
Es paziņoju apkārtējiem,
ka man vajadzīga neatkarība.
ka man vajadzīga neatkarība.
11:50
Being given a means of communication
changed everything.
changed everything.
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3856
Spēja sazināties mainīja visu.
11:54
I used the power of words and will
to challenge the preconceptions
to challenge the preconceptions
221
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4216
Es izmantoju vārdu spēku un gribu,
lai apstrīdētu priekšstatus,
lai apstrīdētu priekšstatus,
11:59
of those around me
and those I had of myself.
and those I had of myself.
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3576
kas par mani bija radušies
apkārtējiem un man pašam.
apkārtējiem un man pašam.
12:02
Communication is what makes us human,
223
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Saziņa padara mūs par cilvēkiem,
12:05
enabling us to connect
on the deepest level
on the deepest level
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ļaujot izveidot patiesi dziļu
saikni ar apkārtējiem,
saikni ar apkārtējiem,
12:07
with those around us --
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1936
12:09
telling our own stories,
226
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1576
ļaujot atklāt savus stāstus,
12:11
expressing wants, needs and desires,
227
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3616
izteikt savu gribu, vajadzības un vēlmes
12:14
or hearing those of others
by really listening.
by really listening.
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3136
un, patiesi ieklausoties, sadzirdēt citus.
12:18
All this is how the world
knows who we are.
knows who we are.
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Tā pasaule uzzina, kas mēs esam.
12:21
So who are we without it?
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1800
Kas gan mēs būtu bez saziņas?
12:24
True communication increases understanding
231
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Patiesa saziņa palielina sapratni
12:27
and creates a more caring
and compassionate world.
and compassionate world.
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3040
un padara pasauli laipnāku un iejūtīgāku.
12:31
Once, I was perceived
to be an inanimate object,
to be an inanimate object,
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Mani reiz uzskatīja
par nedzīvu priekšmetu,
par nedzīvu priekšmetu,
12:34
a mindless phantom
of a boy in a wheelchair.
of a boy in a wheelchair.
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domāt nespējošu zēna rēgu ratiņkrēslā.
12:38
Today, I am so much more.
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Šodien es esmu tik daudz kas vairāk.
12:40
A husband, a son, a friend,
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Esmu vīrs, dēls, draugs,
12:42
a brother, a business owner,
a first-class honors graduate,
a first-class honors graduate,
237
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4256
brālis, uzņēmuma īpašnieks,
absolvents-izcilnieks,
absolvents-izcilnieks,
12:47
a keen amateur photographer.
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aizrautīgs amatierfotogrāfs.
12:49
It is my ability to communicate
that has given me all this.
that has given me all this.
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3840
To visu man sniegusi spēja sazināties.
12:54
We are told that actions
speak louder than words.
speak louder than words.
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3696
Runā, ka rīcība pasaka vairāk nekā vārdi.
12:58
But I wonder,
241
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1936
Tomēr es prātoju –
13:00
do they?
242
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1200
vai tiešām tā ir?
13:02
Our words, however we communicate them,
243
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Mūsu vārdi, lai kā mēs tos izteiktu,
13:05
are just as powerful.
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ir vienlīdz nozīmīgi.
13:07
Whether we speak the words
with our own voices,
with our own voices,
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2736
Vienalga, vai mēs vārdus
izrunājam pašu balsī,
izrunājam pašu balsī,
13:10
type them with our eyes,
246
778440
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rakstām tos ar acīm
13:11
or communicate them non-verbally
to someone who speaks them for us,
to someone who speaks them for us,
247
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vai nododam neverbāli kādam,
kas tos izsaka mūsu vietā,
kas tos izsaka mūsu vietā,
13:16
words are among our most powerful tools.
248
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vārdi ir viens no mūsu
spēcīgākajiem ieročiem.
spēcīgākajiem ieročiem.
13:20
I have come to you through
a terrible darkness,
a terrible darkness,
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Es esmu nonācis pie jums
caur briesmīgu tumsu,
caur briesmīgu tumsu,
13:23
pulled from it by caring souls
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no kuras mani izvilka gādīgi cilvēki
13:25
and by language itself.
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un pati valoda.
13:27
The act of you listening to me today
brings me farther into the light.
brings me farther into the light.
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Tas, ka šodien manī klausāties,
ved mani vēl tuvāk gaismai.
ved mani vēl tuvāk gaismai.
13:31
We are shining here together.
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Mēs šeit mirdzam kopā.
13:34
If there is one most difficult obstacle
to my way of communicating,
to my way of communicating,
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Vislielākais šķērslis manā saziņas veidā
13:38
it is that sometimes I want to shout
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ir tas, ka reizēm es vēlos kliegt,
13:40
and other times simply to whisper
a word of love or gratitude.
a word of love or gratitude.
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bet citreiz vienkārši čukstēt
mīlestības vai pateicības pilnus vārdus.
mīlestības vai pateicības pilnus vārdus.
13:44
It all sounds the same.
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Tas viss izklausās vienādi.
13:46
But if you will,
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Tomēr, ja varat,
13:48
please imagine these next two words
as warmly as you can:
as warmly as you can:
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lūdzu, iztēlojieties nākamo vārdu
cik vien iespējams sirsnīgu:
cik vien iespējams sirsnīgu:
13:54
Thank you.
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Paldies.
13:56
(Applause)
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(Aplausi)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Martin Pistorius - Author, designerAt age 12, Martin Pistorius fell into a coma, and spent 13 years locked inside his body, unable to communicate -- until a caregiver noticed his eyes responded to her. His book "Ghost Boy" tells his story.
Why you should listen
Martin Pistorius is a web designer and author whose personal story borders on the unimaginable. In his book Ghost Boy, he tells the story of his return to consciousness after a horrible illness ... and his struggle to tell the world that he was still there, inside his body, hoping to communicate.
More profile about the speakerMartin Pistorius | Speaker | TED.com