TEDxSydney
Nigel Marsh: How to make work-life balance work
Nigel March: Si te rregullojme ekuilibrin pune-jete
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Sipas Nigel March, ekuilibrii pune-jete eshte shume i rendesishem per ta lene ne duart e punedhenesit tuaj. Ne TEDxSydney, Marsh tregon nje dite ideale te balancuar midis kohes per familje, kohes personale, dhe produktivitetit - dhe propozon levizjen nxitese se si mund te arrihet.
Nigel Marsh - Author and marketer
Nigel Marsh presents and writes on business and personal life -- and how the two interact. He is the author of "Fat, Forty and Fired." Full bio
Nigel Marsh presents and writes on business and personal life -- and how the two interact. He is the author of "Fat, Forty and Fired." Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
What I thought I would do
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Mendoj qe te
00:17
is I would start with a simple request.
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filloj me nje kerkese te vogel.
00:20
I'd like all of you
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Do te doja qe te gjithe ju
00:22
to pause for a moment,
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te pushoni per një moment,
00:24
you wretched weaklings,
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ju te dobesuar nga lodhja,
00:26
and take stock of your miserable existence.
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dhe te vini re eksistencen tuaj te mjeruar.
00:29
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
00:33
Now that was the advice
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Kjo ishte keshilla
00:35
that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers
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qe St. Benedikt i dha ndjekesve te tij
00:37
in the fifth century.
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ne shekullin e peste.
00:39
It was the advice that I decided to follow myself
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Ishte keshilla qe vendosa te ndiqja dhe vete
00:41
when I turned 40.
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kur u bera 40 vjec.
00:44
Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior --
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Deri ne ate moment, kisha qene ai luftetari zyrtar klasik ---
00:47
I was eating too much, I was drinking too much,
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Haja shume, pija shume,
00:49
I was working too hard
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punoja shume,
00:51
and I was neglecting the family.
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dhe nuk po kaloja kohe me familjen.
00:53
And I decided that I would try
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Dhe vendosa qe te provoja
00:55
and turn my life around.
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ta rregulloja jeten time.
00:57
In particular, I decided
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Vecanerisht, vendosa
00:59
I would try to address the thorny issue
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qe te shikoja ceshtjen me te veshtire
01:01
of work-life balance.
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te ekulibrit te punes dhe jetes.
01:04
So I stepped back from the workforce,
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Keshtuqe dola nga puna
01:07
and I spent a year at home
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dhe kalova nje vit ne shtepi
01:10
with my wife and four young children.
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me gruan dhe 4 femije te vegjel.
01:13
But all I learned about work-life balance
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Por ato qe mesova per ekuilibrin pune-jete
01:15
from that year
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nga ai vit
01:17
was that I found it quite easy
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ishte qe, eshte shume e lehte
01:19
to balance work and life
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te ekulibrosh punen dhe jeten
01:21
when I didn't have any work.
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kur nuk kisha asnjë pune.
01:23
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
01:27
Not a very useful skill,
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Jo dicka qe mund te perdoresh,
01:29
especially when the money runs out.
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sidomos kur mbarojne leket.
01:32
So I went back to work,
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Keshtu qe ju ktheva punes,
01:34
and I've spent these seven years since
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dhe kam kaluar shtate vjet qe atehere
01:37
struggling with, studying
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duke u perpjekur, studjuar
01:40
and writing about work-life balance.
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dhe duke shkruajtur per ekuilibrin pune-jete.
01:43
And I have four observations
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Dhe kam kater vezhgime
01:45
I'd like to share with you today.
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qe dua t'i ndaj me ju sot.
01:47
The first is:
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E para eshte qe
01:49
if society's to make any progress on this issue,
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neqoftese shoqeria do te beje progress ne kete ceshtje,
01:52
we need an honest debate.
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na duhet nje debatim i sinqerte.
01:55
But the trouble is
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Por problemi eshte
01:57
so many people talk so much rubbish
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se shume njerez flasin budalleqe
01:59
about work-life balance.
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per ekuilibrin pune-jete.
02:02
All the discussions about flexi-time
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Te gjitha keto diskutime per kohe te vetmenaxhueshme ne pune
02:04
or dress-down Fridays
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ose te veshjes-sport te Premteve
02:07
or paternity leave
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ose lejes se kujdesit atesor
02:09
only serve to mask the core issue,
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vetem se fshehin ceshtjen me te thelle
02:12
which is
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qe eshte
02:14
that certain job and career choices
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qe disa pune te caktuara dhe zgjedhje te karrierave
02:17
are fundamentally incompatible
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ne thelb nuk perputhen
02:20
with being meaningfully engaged
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me te qenit i angazhuar me tere kuptimin
02:22
on a day-to-day basis
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ne menyre te perditshme
02:24
with a young family.
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me nje familje te re.
02:28
Now the first step in solving any problem
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Tani hapi i pare per te zgjidhur cdo problem
02:30
is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in.
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eshte pranimi i realitetit te situates qe ndodhemi.
02:33
And the reality of the society that we're in
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Dhe realiteti i shoqerise ne te cilen jemi
02:37
is there are thousands and thousands
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eshte qe jane mijra dhe mijra
02:39
of people out there
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njerez ne bote
02:41
leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation,
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qe jetojne me thirrje te pazeshme deshperimi,
02:45
where they work long, hard hours
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qe punojne me ore te gjata dhe te renda
02:47
at jobs they hate
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ne pune qe i urrejne
02:49
to enable them to buy things they don't need
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vetem qe te kene mundesine te blejne gjera qe nuk i duhen
02:51
to impress people they don't like.
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per ti bere pershtypje njerezve qe nuk i kan qejf.
02:53
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
02:55
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
02:58
It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt
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Po pohoj qe puna te Premteve thjesht ne xhinse dhe bluza
03:02
isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.
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nuk futet ne thelbin e ceshtjes.
03:04
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
03:08
The second observation I'd like to make
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Vëzhgimi i dyte qe dua te bej
03:10
is we need to face the truth
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eshte qe na duhet te shikojme te verteten
03:12
that governments and corporations
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qe qeverite dhe korporatat
03:14
aren't going to solve this issue for us.
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nuk do ta zgjidhin kete problem per ne.
03:17
We should stop looking outside.
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Duhet te ndalim se pari jashte;
03:19
It's up to us as individuals
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varet nga ne si individe
03:21
to take control and responsibility
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ta marrim kontrollin dhe pergjegjesine
03:24
for the type of lives that we want to lead.
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per jeten qe duam te jetojme.
03:27
If you don't design your life,
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Neqoftese nuk e nderton jeten tende,
03:29
someone else will design it for you,
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dikush tjeter do ta beje per ty,
03:32
and you may just not like
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dhe mbase nuk do tju pelqeje
03:34
their idea of balance.
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idea e tyre e ekuilibrit.
03:36
It's particularly important --
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Eshte ne vecanti e rendesishme --
03:39
this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired --
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kjo nuk do jete ne internet apo jo, ndryshe do me heqin nga puna ---
03:41
it's particularly important
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eshte ne vecanti e rendesishme
03:43
that you never put the quality of your life
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qe asnjehere mos ta vesh cilesine e jetes tende
03:46
in the hands of a commercial corporation.
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ne duart e korporates tregtare.
03:50
Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies --
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Tani nuk po flas thjesht per ato kompani te keqija --
03:53
the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them.
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thertoret e shpirtit te njeriut sic i therras une.
03:56
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
03:58
I'm talking about all companies.
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Po flas per te gjitha kompanite.
04:01
Because commercial companies
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Sepse kompanite tregtare
04:03
are inherently designed
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në thelb jane te ndertuara
04:05
to get as much out of you [as]
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qe te marrin sa me shume
04:07
they can get away with.
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qe mund te marrin nga ty.
04:09
It's in their nature; it's in their DNA;
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Eshte ne natyren e tyre, ne ADN,
04:11
it's what they do --
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eshte ajo që ata bejne ---
04:13
even the good, well-intentioned companies.
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edhe ato kompani me qellime te mira.
04:16
On the one hand,
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Ne nje ane,
04:18
putting childcare facilities in the workplace
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vene kopshte femijesh ne vendet e punes
04:20
is wonderful and enlightened.
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qe eshte e bukur dhe e menduar mire.
04:22
On the other hand, it's a nightmare --
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Ne anen tjeter, eshte nje ender e keqe;
04:24
it just means you spend more time at the bloody office.
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thjesht do te thote qe kalon me shume kohe ne zyre.
04:29
We have to be responsible
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Duhet te jemi pergjegjes
04:31
for setting and enforcing
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per venien dhe zbatimin
04:33
the boundaries that we want in our life.
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e kufive qe duam ne jeten tone.
04:37
The third observation is
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Vezhgimi i trete eshte
04:39
we have to be careful
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qe duhet te kemi kujdes
04:41
with the time frame that we choose
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me kohen qe zgjedhim
04:44
upon which to judge our balance.
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mbi te cilen gjykojme balancen qe punon per ne.
04:48
Before I went back to work
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Perpara se ti kthehesha punes
04:50
after my year at home,
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pas vitit tim ne shtepi,
04:52
I sat down
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u ula
04:54
and I wrote out
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dhe shkrujata
04:56
a detailed, step-by-step description
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nje pershkrim te detajuar ne cdo hap
04:59
of the ideal balanced day
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te nje dite ideale te ekuilibruar
05:02
that I aspired to.
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drejt se ciles do punoja.
05:04
And it went like this:
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Dhe fillonte keshtu:
05:07
wake up well rested
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Te zgjohem i clodhur
05:09
after a good night's sleep.
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pas nje nate te mire gjumi.
05:11
Have sex.
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Bej seks.
05:14
Walk the dog.
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Te eci me qenin.
05:16
Have breakfast with my wife and children.
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Te ha mengjes me gruan dhe femijet.
05:19
Have sex again.
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Te bej seks prape.
05:21
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
05:24
Drive the kids to school on the way to the office.
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Te coj femijet ne shkolle rruges per ne zyre.
05:27
Do three hours' work.
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Punoj per tre ore.
05:29
Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime.
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Te luaj nje sport me shoqeri gjate drekes.
05:32
Do another three hours' work.
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Punoj prape per 3 ore.
05:34
Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink.
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Te takohem e te pi nje gote me shoket ne bar.
05:38
Drive home for dinner
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Te kthehem ne shtepi per darke
05:40
with my wife and kids.
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me gruan dhe femijet.
05:43
Meditate for half an hour.
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Te meditoj per nje gjysem ore.
05:46
Have sex.
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Te bej seks.
05:48
Walk the dog. Have sex again.
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Te eci me qenin. Bej seks prape.
05:51
Go to bed.
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Te fle.
05:54
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
05:59
How often do you think I have that day?
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Tani sa shpesh mendoni qe e bej kete dite?
06:01
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
06:04
We need to be realistic.
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Duhet te jemi realiste.
06:06
You can't do it all in one day.
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Nuk mund ti besh dot te gjitha ne nje dite.
06:08
We need to elongate the time frame
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Na duhet te zgjasim kohen
06:11
upon which we judge the balance in our life,
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ne te cilen te gjykojme balancen e jetes tone,
06:13
but we need to elongate it
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por na duhet ta zgjasim
06:15
without falling into the trap
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pa rene ne kurthin
06:17
of the "I'll have a life when I retire,
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e "oh do kem jete kur te dal ne pension,
06:20
when my kids have left home,
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kur femijet kane ikur nga shtepia,
06:22
when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing,
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kur jam divorcuar me gruan, shendeti eshte keq,
06:25
I've got no mates or interests left."
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nuk me kane me ngelur shoke ose interesa."
06:27
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
06:29
A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long.
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Nje dite eshte shume e shkurter, kurse pas pensionit eshte shume e gjate.
06:32
There's got to be a middle way.
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Duhet te jete një rrugë e mesme.
06:36
A fourth observation:
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Vezhgimi i katert:
06:38
We need to approach balance
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Duhet te arrijme nje ekuiliber
06:40
in a balanced way.
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ne menyre te balancuar.
06:43
A friend came to see me last year --
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Vitin e kaluar erdhi nje shoqe per vizite --
06:45
and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year
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dhe ajo s'e ka problem te them historine e saj -- nje shoqe erdhi vitin e kaluar
06:48
and said, "Nigel, I've read your book.
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dhe tha "Nigel, e kam lexuar librin tend.
06:50
And I realize that my life is completely out of balance.
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Dhe e kuptoj qe jeta ime eshte komplet e pa ekuilibruar.
06:53
It's totally dominated by work.
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Eshte e dominuar komplet nga puna.
06:56
I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day.
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Punoj 10 ore ne dite, dhe 2 ore te tjera shkoj e vij.
06:59
All of my relationships have failed.
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Te gjitha marredheniet e mia kane deshtuar.
07:01
There's nothing in my life
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Nuk kam asgje ne kete jete
07:03
apart from my work.
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pervecse punes time.
07:05
So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out.
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Keshtuqe kam vendosur ti rregulloj gjerat.
07:08
So I joined a gym."
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Dhe u registrova ne palester."
07:10
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
07:13
Now I don't mean to mock,
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Tani nuk dua te tallem,
07:16
but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat
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por te qenit nje zyrtar 10-oresh i shendetshem
07:20
isn't more balanced; it's more fit.
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nuk eshte me i ekuilibruar, eshte thjesht me i shendetshem.
07:23
(Laughter)
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(Qeshje)
07:25
Lovely though physical exercise may be,
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Megjithese fiskultura eshte gje e mire,
07:28
there are other parts to life --
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ka gjera te tjera ne kete jete.
07:30
there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side;
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Eshte ana intelektuale, ana emocionale,
07:32
there's the spiritual side.
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ana shpirterore.
07:34
And to be balanced,
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Dhe qe te jesh i balancuar,
07:36
I believe we have to attend
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besoj se duhet ti bejme kujdes
07:38
to all of those areas --
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te gjithe ketyre aneve ---
07:40
not just do 50 stomach crunches.
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jo thjesht per te bere 50 pompa.
07:43
Now that can be daunting.
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Tani mund te jete e veshtire.
07:45
Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit.
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Se njerezit thone "me te vertete e ke, nuk kam kohe per fiskulture;
07:48
You want me to go to church and call my mother."
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ti do qe une te shkoj ne kishe dhe te marr ne telefon mamane."
07:50
And I understand.
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Dhe une e kuptoj.
07:52
I truly understand how that can be daunting.
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Me te vertete e kuptoj sa e veshtire qe mund te jete.
07:55
But an incident that happened a couple of years ago
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Por dicka qe ndodhi disa vite me pare
07:58
gave me a new perspective.
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me dha nje perspektive te re.
08:00
My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today,
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Gruaja ime, qe eshte diku ne audience sot,
08:03
called me up at the office
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me mori ne telefon ne zyre
08:06
and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" --
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dhe tha "Nigel, duhet te shkosh te marresh cunin tone te vogel, "
08:09
Harry -- "up from school."
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Harry "nga shkolla."
08:11
Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening.
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Sepse asaj i duhej te ishte diku tjeter me tre femijet e tjere ate nate.
08:14
So I left work an hour early that afternoon
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Keshtu qe ika nga zyra nje ore me perpara ate pasdite
08:17
and picked Harry up at the school gates.
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dhe e mora Harrin nga shkolla.
08:21
We walked down to the local park,
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Ecem deri tek parku i lagjes,
08:23
messed around on the swings, played some silly games.
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u hallakatem ne shilarese dhe lojra te tjera.
08:26
I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe,
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Pastaj ecem se bashku perpjete tek nje kafene,
08:29
and we shared a pizza for two,
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dhe ndame nje pica se bashku,
08:32
then walked down the hill to our home,
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pastaj ecem tatepjete tek shtepia jone,
08:34
and I gave him his bath
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dhe e lava
08:36
and put him in his Batman pajamas.
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dhe e vesha me pizhamat me Batman
08:39
I then read him a chapter
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Pastaj i lexova nje kapitull
08:41
of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach."
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te Roald Dahl's "James dhe Pjeshka e Madhe."
08:44
I then put him to bed, tucked him in,
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pastaj e vura ne krevat, e mbulova,
08:46
gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate,"
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dhe e putha ne balle dhe thashe 'Naten e mire, o shok,"
08:48
and walked out of his bedroom.
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dhe dola nga dhoma e tij.
08:50
As I was walking out of his bedroom,
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Duke ikur nga dhoma e tij,
08:52
he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?"
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ai tha "Ba?" dhe une "Po, o shok?"
08:55
He went, "Dad, this has been the best day
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Ai tha, "Ba, kjo ka qene dita me e lumtur
08:57
of my life, ever."
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e jetes sime ndonjehere."
09:02
I hadn't done anything,
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Une nuk kisha bere asnje gje,
09:05
hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.
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nuk e kisha cuar ne Disney World apo blere nje Playstation.
09:08
Now my point is
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Tani thelbi eshte qe
09:10
the small things matter.
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gjerat e vogla kane rendesi.
09:13
Being more balanced
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Te jesh ne ekuiliber
09:15
doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life.
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nuk do te thote te kesh ndryshime dramatike ne jete.
09:18
With the smallest investment
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Me investimin me te vogel
09:20
in the right places,
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ne vendet e duhura,
09:22
you can radically transform the quality of your relationships
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mund te ndryshosh shume cilesine e marredhenjeve te tua
09:25
and the quality of your life.
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dhe cilesine e jetes suaj.
09:27
Moreover, I think,
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Per me teper, mendoj,
09:29
it can transform society.
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qe mund te transformohet shoqeria.
09:32
Because if enough people do it,
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Sepse, nese e bejne mjaft njerez,
09:34
we can change society's definition of success
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ne mund te ndryshojme percaktimin e suksesit ne shoqeri
09:37
away from the moronically simplistic notion
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larg nga ideja e thjeshtuar e budallepsur
09:40
that the person with the most money when he dies wins,
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qe personi me me shume leke kur vdes fiton,
09:44
to a more thoughtful and balanced definition
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drejt nje percaktimi me te matur dhe te ekuilibruar
09:47
of what a life well lived looks like.
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se c'eshte nje jete e balancuar mire.
09:51
And that, I think,
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Dhe kjo, mendoj,
09:53
is an idea worth spreading.
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eshte nje ide qe ia vlen te perhapet.
09:55
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Nigel Marsh - Author and marketerNigel Marsh presents and writes on business and personal life -- and how the two interact. He is the author of "Fat, Forty and Fired."
Why you should listen
Nigel Marsh is the author of Fit, Fifty and Fired-Up, Fat, Forty and Fired and Overworked and Underlaid. He's the chairman of strategic research consultancy The Leading Edge and the co-founder of the energy-saving movement Earth Hour. Marsh also founded The Sydney Skinny.
More profile about the speakerNigel Marsh | Speaker | TED.com