TED2013
Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head
Eleanor Longden: Zerat ne koken time
Filmed:
Readability: 5
4,913,445 views
Për të gjithë, Eleanor Longden ishte si çdo nxënës tjetër, duke shkuar në kolegj me pranverën në hapin e saj dhe pa asnjë kokecarje në botë. Kjo, deri në momentin kur zërat në kokën e saj filluan të flasin. Fillimisht te padëmshëm, këto transmetime të brendshme u bëne gjithnjë e më antagoniste dhe diktatoriale, duke e kthyer jetën e saj në një makth të vërtete. Diagnostifkuar me skizofreni, marre ilace, dhe përfundimisht fshire nga një sistem që nuk e di se si ta ndihmoje, Longden tregon historinë e saj tronditese te nje udhetimi shumëvjeçar në shëndetin mendor, duke pohuar se ishte nepermjet të mësuarit si ti dëgjoje ato zera se si ajo mundi te mbijetonte.
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
The day I left home for the first time
0
934
1857
Dita kur u largova për herë të parë nga shtëpia
00:14
to go to university was a bright day
1
2791
2181
për të shkuar në universitet ishte një ditë e shenuar
00:16
brimming with hope and optimism.
2
4972
2544
mbushur me shpresë dhe optimizëm.
00:19
I'd done well at school. Expectations for me were high,
3
7516
2947
Kisha dalë mirë në shkollë. Pritej shumë nga une,
00:22
and I gleefully entered the student life
4
10463
2175
dhe me gëzim të madh hyra në jetën studentore
00:24
of lectures, parties and traffic cone theft.
5
12638
3599
të leksioneve, festave dhe vjedhjeve të koneve të trafikut.
00:28
Now appearances, of course, can be deceptive,
6
16237
2677
Tani pamja e jashtme, sigurisht, mund të mashtrojë
00:30
and to an extent, this feisty, energetic persona
7
18914
3115
dhe deri në një pikë, ky njëri i levizshëm, energjik
00:34
of lecture-going and traffic cone stealing was a veneer,
8
22029
3155
mes leksionesh dhe vjedhje të koneve te trafikut ishte një lustër,
00:37
albeit a very well-crafted and convincing one.
9
25184
3039
megjithatë e punuar mirë dhe bindëse.
00:40
Underneath, I was actually deeply unhappy, insecure
10
28223
3426
Ne brendësi, unë isha thellësisht e palumtur, e pasigurt
00:43
and fundamentally frightened --
11
31649
2214
dhe krejtësisht e frikësuar --
00:45
frightened of other people, of the future, of failure
12
33863
3623
e frikësuar nga njerëzit e tjerë, nga e ardhmja, nga dështimi
00:49
and of the emptiness that I felt was within me.
13
37486
2353
dhe nga boshllëku që ndjeja brenda meje.
00:51
But I was skilled at hiding it, and from the outside
14
39839
2456
Por isha e afte ta fshihja ate, dhe nga jashte
00:54
appeared to be someone with everything to hope for
15
42295
2187
dukesha si dikush që kish gjithcka per te shpresuar
00:56
and aspire to.
16
44482
1514
dhe aspiruar.
00:57
This fantasy of invulnerability was so complete
17
45996
3206
Kjo fantazi e pacenueshmerise ishte kaq e plote
01:01
that I even deceived myself,
18
49202
1712
aq sa mashtrova veten time,
01:02
and as the first semester ended and the second began,
19
50914
2542
dhe sapo mbaroi semestri i parë dhe filloi i dyti
01:05
there was no way that anyone could have predicted
20
53456
2538
nuk kishte mundësi që dikush të kishte parashikuar
01:07
what was just about to happen.
21
55994
2623
atë që do të ndodhte.
01:10
I was leaving a seminar when it started,
22
58617
3133
Po dilja nga një seminar kur filloi,
01:13
humming to myself, fumbling with my bag
23
61750
2161
po kendoja nen ze, duke germuar canten
01:15
just as I'd done a hundred times before,
24
63911
2423
sikurse kisha bere dhe qindra here te tjera,
01:18
when suddenly I heard a voice calmly observe,
25
66334
2476
kur degjova nje ze qe thote qetesisht,
01:20
"She is leaving the room."
26
68810
2192
"Ajo po largohet nga dhoma."
01:23
I looked around, and there was no one there,
27
71002
1415
Hodha syte perreth por nuk pashe asnjeri,
01:24
but the clarity and decisiveness of the comment
28
72417
2674
por qartesia dhe vendosmeria e atij komenti
01:27
was unmistakable.
29
75091
1844
ishte e pagabueshme.
01:28
Shaken, I left my books on the stairs and hurried home,
30
76935
2610
Duke u dridhur, i lashe librat te shkallet dhe vrapova per ne shtepi,
01:31
and there it was again.
31
79545
1273
dhe ja tek e degjova serish.
01:32
"She is opening the door."
32
80818
2063
"Ajo po hap deren."
01:34
This was the beginning. The voice had arrived.
33
82881
3972
Ky ishte fillimi. Zeri kishte ardhur.
01:38
And the voice persisted,
34
86853
2247
Dhe zeri vazhdonte te kembengulte,
01:41
days and then weeks of it, on and on,
35
89100
2465
dite e me pas jave, ne vazhdimesi,
01:43
narrating everything I did in the third person.
36
91565
2179
duke treguar c'do gje qe beja ne vete te trete.
01:45
"She is going to the library."
37
93744
1742
"Ajo po shkon ne biblioteke."
01:47
"She is going to a lecture."
38
95486
1595
"Ajo po shkon ne leksion."
01:49
It was neutral, impassive and even, after a while,
39
97081
3336
Ishte neutrale, pasive dhe pas pak kohesh,
01:52
strangely companionate and reassuring,
40
100417
2582
cuditerisht shoqeruese dhe siguruese,
01:54
although I did notice that its calm exterior sometimes slipped
41
102999
3441
ndonese vereja se qetesia e jashtme ndonjehere ndryshonte
01:58
and that it occasionally mirrored my own unexpressed emotion.
42
106440
3101
dhe rastiste te pasqyronte emocionet e mia te pashprehura.
02:01
So, for example, if I was angry and had to hide it,
43
109541
2612
Nqse isha e nevrikosur dhe perpiqesha ta fshihja,
02:04
which I often did, being very adept at concealing how I really felt,
44
112153
3366
gje qe e beja shpesh, duke qene mesuar te fsheh ate qe ndiej,
02:07
then the voice would sound frustrated.
45
115519
2337
atehere zeri do te tingellonte i frustruar.
02:09
Otherwise, it was neither sinister nor disturbing,
46
117856
2813
Ne te kundert, nuk ishte as shqetesues e as e lige,
02:12
although even at that point it was clear
47
120669
2110
por edhe ne ate pike ishte e qarte
02:14
that it had something to communicate to me
48
122779
1826
qe kishte dicka per te me komunikuar
02:16
about my emotions, particularly emotions
49
124605
2569
rreth emocioneve, mbi te gjitha emocionet
02:19
which were remote and inaccessible.
50
127174
3086
qe ishin te largeta dhe te paarrira.
02:22
Now it was then that I made a fatal mistake,
51
130260
3123
Ishte pikerisht atehere kur bera nje gabim fatal,
02:25
in that I told a friend about the voice, and she was horrified.
52
133383
3203
i tregova nje mikes rreth zerave, dhe ajo u tmerrua.
02:28
A subtle conditioning process had begun,
53
136586
2245
Nje proces kufizuez kish nisur,
02:30
the implication that normal people don't hear voices
54
138831
3689
te kuptuarit qe njerezit normal nuk degjonin zera
02:34
and the fact that I did meant that something was very seriously wrong.
55
142520
3353
dhe fakti qe une nisa te besoj qe dicka me te vertete nuk shkonte mire.
02:37
Such fear and mistrust was infectious.
56
145873
3393
Kjo frike dhe ky mosbesim ishte infektuese.
02:41
Suddenly the voice didn't seem quite so benign anymore,
57
149266
3065
Cuditerisht zeri nisi te mos dukej me aq beninj,
02:44
and when she insisted that I seek medical attention,
58
152331
2112
dhe kur ajo kembenguli qe te merrja trajtim mjekesor,
02:46
I duly complied, and which proved to be
59
154443
2460
une rashe dakort, c'ka nenkuptoi
02:48
mistake number two.
60
156903
1747
gabimin tim numer dy.
02:50
I spent some time telling the college G.P.
61
158650
2146
Harxhova ca kohe duke i treguar mjekut te Universitetit
02:52
about what I perceived to be the real problem:
62
160796
2169
rreth atij c'ka une dalloj si problem real:
02:54
anxiety, low self-worth, fears about the future,
63
162965
2902
ankth, besim i ulet ne vetvete, frike per te ardhmen,
02:57
and was met with bored indifference
64
165867
1773
dhe ajo cka kisha perballe ishte nje indiference e merzitshme
02:59
until I mentioned the voice,
65
167640
1794
deri kur une permenda 'zeri',
03:01
upon which he dropped his pen, swung round
66
169434
1951
ne ate pike ai leshoi stilolapsin, u rrotullua
03:03
and began to question me with a show of real interest.
67
171385
2784
dhe nisi te me pyes me interes te vertete.
03:06
And to be fair, I was desperate for interest and help,
68
174169
2644
Dhe qe te jem e sinqerte, isha e deshperuar per interes dhe ndihme,
03:08
and I began to tell him about my strange commentator.
69
176813
2846
dhe nisa ti tregoj gjithcka rreth komentuesit te cuditshem.
03:11
And I always wish, at this point, the voice had said,
70
179659
1928
Dhe gjithnje shpresoja, qe zeri te thoshte,
03:13
"She is digging her own grave."
71
181587
2312
"Ajo po i ben gropen vetes."
03:15
I was referred to a psychiatrist, who likewise
72
183899
3525
Me pas me referuan nje psikiater, i cili sikunder mjeku
03:19
took a grim view of the voice's presence,
73
187424
2557
hodhi nje veshtrim te venger prezences se zerit,
03:21
subsequently interpreting everything I said
74
189981
1874
duke e interpretuar gjithcka thoja
03:23
through a lens of latent insanity.
75
191855
2534
nepermjet nje lupe cmendurie.
03:26
For example, I was part of a student TV station
76
194389
2933
Per shembull, une isha pjese e nje stacioni televiziv studentor
03:29
that broadcast news bulletins around the campus,
77
197322
2552
qe paraqiste lajmet e kampusit,
03:31
and during an appointment which was running very late,
78
199874
2050
dhe gjate nje takimi qe po zgjaste me shume se parashikuar,
03:33
I said, "I'm sorry, doctor, I've got to go.
79
201924
1249
thash, "me fal doktor, por me duhet te shkoj,
03:35
I'm reading the news at six."
80
203173
1518
jap lajmet ne oren 6-te."
03:36
Now it's down on my medical records that Eleanor
81
204691
1443
Tashme eshte e shenuar ne raportin tim mjeksor qe Eleonor
03:38
has delusions that she's a television news broadcaster.
82
206134
4041
ka deluzione qe eshte spikere lajmesh ne televizion.
03:42
It was at this point that events began
83
210175
3449
Ne kete pike ndodhi qe ngjarjet
03:45
to rapidly overtake me.
84
213624
2230
filluan te me parakalonin shume shpejt.
03:47
A hospital admission followed, the first of many,
85
215854
2396
Me pas me shtruan ne spital, hera e pare nga ato dhjetra qe do ndiqnin,
03:50
a diagnosis of schizophrenia came next,
86
218250
2912
dhe me pas diagnostifikimi me skizofreni,
03:53
and then, worst of all, a toxic, tormenting sense
87
221162
3608
cka e ndoqi pas nje ndjesi toksike dhe sfilitese
03:56
of hopelessness, humiliation and despair
88
224770
3378
turpi, deshperimi dhe perhumbje
04:00
about myself and my prospects.
89
228148
2535
rreth vetes dhe te ardhmes sime.
04:02
But having been encouraged to see the voice
90
230683
2433
Por te qenit i inkurajuar per ta pare zerin
04:05
not as an experience but as a symptom,
91
233116
2556
jo si nje eksperience por simptome,
04:07
my fear and resistance towards it intensified.
92
235672
3096
frika dhe rezistenca ndaj te ciles nisi te intensifikohej.
04:10
Now essentially, this represented taking
93
238768
2084
Kjo do te thote qe te marresh nje
04:12
an aggressive stance towards my own mind,
94
240852
2052
qendrim agresiv ndaj mendjes tende,
04:14
a kind of psychic civil war,
95
242904
2391
nje lloj lufte civile psikike,
04:17
and in turn this caused the number of voices to increase
96
245295
2934
cka shkaktoi numrin e zerave te rritej
04:20
and grow progressively hostile and menacing.
97
248229
3385
duke u bere gjithnje me kercenues dhe rezistente.
04:23
Helplessly and hopelessly, I began to retreat
98
251614
3480
Pa shprese dhe pa ndihme, nisa te mbyllesha
04:27
into this nightmarish inner world
99
255094
2139
ne te frikshmen boten time te brendshme
04:29
in which the voices were destined to become
100
257233
1908
ne te cilen zerat ishin te destinuar te beheshin
04:31
both my persecutors and my only perceived companions.
101
259141
4186
ndjekesit dhe njekohesisht shoqeruesit e mi.
04:35
They told me, for example, that if I proved myself worthy
102
263327
3079
Me thane per shembull, qe nese provoja se ja vleja ndihmen e tyre,
04:38
of their help, then they could change my life
103
266406
1958
atehere ata do te me ndihmonin te ndryshoja jeten
04:40
back to how it had been,
104
268364
1406
e te kthehesha si me pare,
04:41
and a series of increasingly bizarre tasks was set,
105
269770
2740
dhe nje sere detyrash te cuditshme me jepeshin,
04:44
a kind of labor of Hercules.
106
272510
2025
nje pune herkuliane.
04:46
It started off quite small, for example,
107
274535
1961
Nisi fillimisht me gjera te vogla, per shembull,
04:48
pull out three strands of hair,
108
276496
1716
shkul tre fije floku,
04:50
but gradually it grew more extreme,
109
278212
1574
po sa vinte e behej me ekstreme,
04:51
culminating in commands to harm myself,
110
279786
2337
duke me dhene komanda qe te lendoja veten,
04:54
and a particularly dramatic instruction:
111
282123
2170
nje detyre mjaft drastike:
04:56
"You see that tutor over there?
112
284293
1713
"E sheh ate profesorin atje?
04:58
You see that glass of water?
113
286006
1298
Po ate goten me uje?
04:59
Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front of the other students."
114
287304
2798
Atehere, zbraze goten mbi profesorin ne sy te studenteve te tjere."
05:02
Which I actually did, and which needless to say
115
290102
1947
Gje c'ka bera, dhe s'ka nevoje te them
05:04
did not endear me to the faculty.
116
292049
1997
qe kjo me pezulloi nga fakulteti.
05:06
In effect, a vicious cycle of fear, avoidance,
117
294046
4304
Nje rreth vicioz frike, shmangie,
05:10
mistrust and misunderstanding had been established,
118
298350
2858
mosbesimi dhe keqkuptimi ishte formuar tashme,
05:13
and this was a battle in which I felt powerless
119
301208
2752
dhe kjo ishte nje beteje ne te cilen ndjehesha e pafuqishme
05:15
and incapable of establishing any kind of peace or reconciliation.
120
303960
4377
dhe e paafte te krijoja paqe a ribashkim.
05:20
Two years later, and the deterioration was dramatic.
121
308337
3658
Dy vjet me pas, perkeqesimi ishte dramatik.
05:23
By now, I had the whole frenzied repertoire:
122
311995
3708
Kisha te gjithe repertorin e shfrenuar:
05:27
terrifying voices, grotesque visions,
123
315703
2989
zera te frikshem, imazhe grotekse,
05:30
bizarre, intractable delusions.
124
318692
2768
iluzione te cuditshme, te pakapshme.
05:33
My mental health status had been a catalyst
125
321460
2196
Gjendja e shendetit tim mendor ka qene nje katalist
05:35
for discrimination, verbal abuse,
126
323656
2589
per diskriminim, abuzim verbal,
05:38
and physical and sexual assault,
127
326245
2155
sulm fizik dhe seksual,
05:40
and I'd been told by my psychiatrist,
128
328400
1763
dhe me eshte thene nga mjeket e mi,
05:42
"Eleanor, you'd be better off with cancer,
129
330163
2432
"Eleonor, me mire po te kishe patur kancer,
05:44
because cancer is easier to cure than schizophrenia."
130
332595
3753
sepse kanceri eshte me i lehte per tu sheruar se skizofrenia."
05:48
I'd been diagnosed, drugged and discarded,
131
336348
3392
Me kane diagnostifikuar, dhene ilace dhe nxjerre nga spitali,
05:51
and was by now so tormented by the voices
132
339740
2076
dhe isha kaq e cfilitur nga zerat
05:53
that I attempted to drill a hole in my head
133
341816
2205
saqe tentova te hapja nje vrime ne koke
05:56
in order to get them out.
134
344021
2856
ne menyre qe ti nxirrja qe aty.
05:58
Now looking back on the wreckage and despair of those years,
135
346877
4101
Tani, tek kthej koken pas tek ato vite deshperimi te jetes sime,
06:02
it seems to me now as if someone died in that place,
136
350978
3070
kam ndjesine se dikush ka vdekur ne ate vend,
06:06
and yet, someone else was saved.
137
354048
3717
por njekohesisht, dikush tjeter ka shpetuar.
06:09
A broken and haunted person began that journey,
138
357765
3314
Nje njeri i perhumbur dhe i thyer nisi ate udhetim,
06:13
but the person who emerged was a survivor
139
361079
2933
por personi qe doli ne siperfaqe ishte nje e mbijetuar
06:16
and would ultimately grow into the person
140
364012
2274
e cila do te behej ai njeri
06:18
I was destined to be.
141
366286
2124
qe une kisha lindur per te qene.
06:20
Many people have harmed me in my life,
142
368410
2688
Shume njerez, pergjate jetes sime, me kane lenduar,
06:23
and I remember them all,
143
371098
1494
dhe une i kujtoj mjaft mire te gjithe,
06:24
but the memories grow pale and faint
144
372592
2801
por keto memorje sa vine e zbehen
06:27
in comparison with the people who've helped me.
145
375393
3692
tek i krahasoj me njerezit te cilet me kane ndihmuar.
06:31
The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers,
146
379085
2620
Te tjeret si une qe kane mbijetuar, ata zera-degjuesit e tjere,
06:33
the comrades and collaborators;
147
381705
2272
shoket dhe bashkepunuesit;
06:35
the mother who never gave up on me,
148
383977
2328
nena qe nuk hoqi dore kurre prej meje,
06:38
who knew that one day I would come back to her
149
386305
2608
e cila e dinte qe nje dite une do te rikthehesha tek ajo
06:40
and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;
150
388913
3670
dhe qe do te me priste sado e gjate pritja;
06:44
the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time
151
392583
2537
doktori qe punoi me mua vetem per pak
06:47
but who reinforced his belief that recovery
152
395120
1954
por qe perforcoi besimin qe permiresimi
06:49
was not only possible but inevitable,
153
397074
2432
jo vetem ish i mundur, por i pashmangshem,
06:51
and during a devastating period of relapse
154
399506
2403
dhe gjate periudhave te renies sime,
06:53
told my terrified family, "Don't give up hope.
155
401909
2900
i tha familjes sime, "mos u dorezoni.
06:56
I believe that Eleanor can get through this.
156
404809
3013
Besoj se Eleonor mund t'ja dale mbane kesaj.
06:59
Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May,
157
407822
2838
Ndonjehere bie bore deri ne maj, por
07:02
but summer always comes eventually."
158
410660
3426
vera vjen gjithesesi ne menyre te pashmangshme."
07:06
Fourteen minutes is not enough time
159
414086
1854
14 minuta nuk jane mjaftueshem per ti
07:07
to fully credit those good and generous people
160
415940
2936
njohur meritat e duhura te gjithe atyre njerezve te mire
07:10
who fought with me and for me
161
418876
1977
te cilet luftuan me mua dhe per mua
07:12
and who waited to welcome me back
162
420853
1799
dhe priten qe une te kthehesha
07:14
from that agonized, lonely place.
163
422652
2499
nga agonia dhe vetmia e vendit ku ndodhesha.
07:17
But together, they forged a blend of courage,
164
425151
2137
Por sebashku, ne krijuam nje perzierje kurajo,
07:19
creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief
165
427288
3616
kreativiteti, integriteti dhe besimi te patundur
07:22
that my shattered self could become healed and whole.
166
430904
3849
qe kjo qenia ime e bere grimcash mund te behej njesh dhe te sherohej.
07:26
I used to say that these people saved me,
167
434753
1900
Mendoja se ata njerez me kishin shpetuar,
07:28
but what I now know is they did something
168
436653
1370
por ajo c'ka di tani eshte qe ata bene dicka shume me teper
07:30
even more important in that they empowered me
169
438023
2648
te rendesishme, ato me fuqizuan mua
07:32
to save myself,
170
440671
1622
per te shpetuar veten,
07:34
and crucially, they helped me to understand something
171
442293
2514
dhe me e rendesishmja ata me ndihmuan te kuptoj
07:36
which I'd always suspected:
172
444807
1614
ate qe kam dyshuar gjithnje:
07:38
that my voices were a meaningful response
173
446421
2388
qe zerat e mi ishin nje pergjigje kuptimplote
07:40
to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events,
174
448809
2950
te eventeve traumatike te jetes, vecanerisht gjate femijerise,
07:43
and as such were not my enemies
175
451759
1849
dhe si te tille nuk ishin armiqte e mi
07:45
but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.
176
453608
4752
por nje burim per te kuptuar problemet e mia emocionale qe duheshin zgjidhur.
07:50
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
177
458360
3070
Si fillim, kjo ishte mjaft e veshtire per tu besuar,
07:53
not least because the voices appeared so hostile
178
461430
2374
dhe jo pak si rrjedhoje e agresivitetit te zerave
07:55
and menacing, so in this respect, a vital first step
179
463804
3346
dhe kercenimit te tyre, keshtuqe nje hap i rendesishem
07:59
was learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning
180
467150
2715
ishte te mesoja se si te ndaja nje kuptim metaforik
08:01
from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth.
181
469865
3778
nga ajo c'ka me pare e merrja si te vertete te mireqene.
08:05
So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home
182
473643
3150
Per shembull, zerat qe kercenonin se do te sulmonin shtepine time
08:08
I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear
183
476793
2729
mesova ti interpretoj si ndjenja ime e frikes
08:11
and insecurity in the world, rather than an actual, objective danger.
184
479522
3658
dhe pasigurise ne bote, dhe jo nje rrezik eminent.
08:15
Now at first, I would have believed them.
185
483180
2156
Ne fillim i besoja atyre.
08:17
I remember, for example, sitting up one night
186
485336
1572
Mbaj mend, pershembull qe nje nate kam bere roje
08:18
on guard outside my parents' room to protect them
187
486908
2470
para dhomes se prinderve per ti mbrojtur ata
08:21
from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices.
188
489378
3244
nga ajo cka mendoja si nje kercenim i mirefillte nga zerat.
08:24
Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury
189
492622
2514
Si rrjedhoje e faktit qe kisha probleme serioze me vete-demtimin,
08:27
that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden,
190
495136
2441
shumica e objekteve me teh ne shtepi ishin fshehur
08:29
so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork,
191
497577
2649
kshqe perfundova e armatosur me nje pirun plastik,
08:32
kind of like picnic ware, and sort of sat outside the room
192
500226
2607
dhe u ula jashte dhomes
08:34
clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen.
193
502833
3893
duke pritur qe te hidhesha ne veprim sapo te ndodhte dicka.
08:38
It was like, "Don't mess with me.
194
506726
1672
ishte pak a shume, "Mos u ngaterro me mua.
08:40
I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?"
195
508398
2733
Kam nje pirun plastik, nuk e sheh?"
08:43
Strategic.
196
511131
1480
Strategjike.
08:44
But a later response, and much more useful,
197
512611
2606
Por nje pergjigje e mevonshme e shume me e frytshme,
08:47
would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words,
198
515217
4419
do te ishte te shkaterroje mesazhin pas fjaleve,
08:51
so when the voices warned me not to leave the house,
199
519636
3021
ne menyre qe kur zerat te me thone te mos largohen nga shtepia,
08:54
then I would thank them for drawing my attention
200
522657
2076
pastaj do mund ti falenderoj qe me lajmeruan
08:56
to how unsafe I felt --
201
524733
1217
rreth pasigurise qe ndjeva--
08:57
because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it --
202
525950
2893
pasi po te isha e vetedijshme per te, do te mund te beja dicka pozitive per te--
09:00
but go on to reassure both them and myself
203
528843
2487
por me duhej te siguroja ata dhe veten qe ishim te sigurt
09:03
that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.
204
531330
3499
dhe nuk kishim asnje arsye per te qene te frikesuar.
09:06
I would set boundaries for the voices,
205
534829
1489
Do ti vendosja kufij zerave,
09:08
and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive
206
536318
2250
dhe te perpiqesha te komunikoja me to ne nje menyre qe te ishte e kuptueshme
09:10
yet respectful, establishing a slow process
207
538568
2745
por me respekt, duke vendosur nje proces te ngadalte
09:13
of communication and collaboration
208
541313
2356
komunikimi dhe bashkepunimi
09:15
in which we could learn to work together and support one another.
209
543669
3299
ne te cilen mund te mesonim te punonim se bashku dhe ndihmonim njeri-tjetrin.
09:18
Throughout all of this, what I would ultimately realize
210
546968
2381
Pergjate gjithe ketij procesi, ajo c'ka do kuptoja eshte se
09:21
was that each voice was closely related
211
549349
2147
secili ze ishte ngushtesisht i lidhur
09:23
to aspects of myself, and that each of them
212
551496
2309
me disa aspekte te vetes sime, dhe secili prej tyre
09:25
carried overwhelming emotions that I'd never had
213
553805
2047
mbante peshen e emocioneve qe nuk kam patur kurre mundesi
09:27
an opportunity to process or resolve,
214
555852
2341
ti procesoj a zgjidh,
09:30
memories of sexual trauma and abuse,
215
558193
2560
memorje traumash seksuale dhe abuzimeve,
09:32
of anger, shame, guilt, low self-worth.
216
560753
2911
inatit, turpit, ndjenjes se faijt, ndjenjes se inferioritetit.
09:35
The voices took the place of this pain
217
563664
2500
Zerat zevendesuan kete dhembje
09:38
and gave words to it,
218
566164
1487
dhe i dhane ze asaj,
09:39
and possibly one of the greatest revelations
219
567651
1839
ndoshta nje nga zbulimet me te medha
09:41
was when I realized that the most hostile and aggressive voices
220
569490
3000
ishte te kuptoja qe nje nga zerat me te dhunshem dhe agresiv,
09:44
actually represented the parts of me
221
572490
1747
faktikisht perfaqesonte ate pjese timen
09:46
that had been hurt most profoundly,
222
574237
2237
qe ishte lenduar me se shumti,
09:48
and as such, it was these voices
223
576474
2152
dhe si te tille,
09:50
that needed to be shown the greatest compassion and care.
224
578626
3342
kerkonin perkujdesjen dhe miresine me te madhe.
09:53
It was armed with this knowledge that ultimately
225
581968
3015
E pajisur me kete njohuri qe me ne fund
09:56
I would gather together my shattered self,
226
584983
2288
do mundja ta beja bashke veten time,
09:59
each fragment represented by a different voice,
227
587271
2615
ku cdo fragment perfaqesohet nga nje ze i ndryshem,
10:01
gradually withdraw from all my medication,
228
589886
2051
duke hequr dore gradualisht nga ilacet,
10:03
and return to psychiatry, only this time from the other side.
229
591937
4688
dhe rikthimin te psikiatria, por kete here nga ana tjeter.
10:08
Ten years after the voice first came, I finally graduated,
230
596625
3598
10 vjet pas ardhjes se "zerit te pare" une me ne fund u diplomova,
10:12
this time with the highest degree in psychology
231
600223
1894
kete here me diplomen me te larte ne psikologji
10:14
the university had ever given, and one year later,
232
602117
2458
qe universiteti kish dhene ndonjehere, dhe nje vit me pas,
10:16
the highest masters, which shall we say
233
604575
1779
me masterin me te larte, qe duhet ta pranojme
10:18
isn't bad for a madwoman.
234
606354
1826
nuk eshte dhe aq keq per nje grua te cmendur.
10:20
In fact, one of the voices actually dictated the answers
235
608180
2409
Ne fakt, ishte nje nga zerat ne koken time qe me dha pergjigjet
10:22
during the exam, which technically possibly counts as cheating.
236
610589
3230
gjate provimit, qe teknikisht mund te quhet si kopjim.
10:25
(Laughter)
237
613819
1683
(Te qeshura)
10:27
And to be honest, sometimes I quite enjoyed their attention as well.
238
615502
2734
Dhe te them te drejten, disa here me pelqente vemendja e tyre.
10:30
As Oscar Wilde has said, the only thing worse
239
618236
1553
Sic ka thene Oscar Wilde, "E vetmja gje me e keqe se
10:31
than being talked about is not being talked about.
240
619789
3131
kur flitet per ty, eshte te mos folurit fare".
10:34
It also makes you very good at eavesdropping,
241
622920
2072
Gjithashtu te ben shume te afte per pergjime,
10:36
because you can listen to two conversations simultaneously.
242
624992
2323
sepse je ne gjendje te degjosh dy biseda ne te njejten kohe.
10:39
So it's not all bad.
243
627315
1895
Pra, nuk eshte shume keq.
10:41
I worked in mental health services,
244
629210
1543
Kam punuar neper qendra te shendetit mendor,
10:42
I spoke at conferences,
245
630753
2369
kam mbajtur fjale ne konferenca,
10:45
I published book chapters and academic articles,
246
633122
2268
kam publikuar kapituj librash dhe artikuj akademike,
10:47
and I argued, and continue to do so,
247
635390
2832
dhe kam argumentuar, dhe vazhdoj ta bej,
10:50
the relevance of the following concept:
248
638222
2244
rendesine e konceptit te meposhtem:
10:52
that an important question in psychiatry
249
640466
2252
qe nje pyetje e rendesishme ne psikiatri
10:54
shouldn't be what's wrong with you
250
642718
1543
nuk duhet te jete se cfare ka qe nuk shkon me ty
10:56
but rather what's happened to you.
251
644261
2705
por me teper cfare te ka ndodhur ty.
10:58
And all the while, I listened to my voices,
252
646966
2862
Dhe gjate gjithe kohes qe degjoja zerat,
11:01
with whom I'd finally learned to live with peace and respect
253
649828
2604
me te cilet me ne fund mesova te jetoj ne paqe dhe respekt
11:04
and which in turn reflected a growing sense
254
652432
2396
dhe te cilet ne fund reflektuan nje sens ne rritje
11:06
of compassion, acceptance and respect towards myself.
255
654828
3663
kompasioni, vetepranie dhe respekti ndaj vetes.
11:10
And I remember the most moving and extraordinary moment
256
658491
3158
Dhe me kujtohet momenti me i prekshem dhe i mrekullueshem
11:13
when supporting another young woman who was terrorized by her voices,
257
661649
2930
tek po ndihmoja nje grua te re qe ishte e traumatizuar nga zerat,
11:16
and becoming fully aware, for the very first time,
258
664579
2599
u bera e vetedijshme plotesisht qe, per here te pare,
11:19
that I no longer felt that way myself
259
667178
2676
une nuk po ndjehesha me ashtu
11:21
but was finally able to help someone else who was.
260
669854
3724
por qe me ne fund isha ne gjendje te ndihmoja dike tjeter qe ishte.
11:25
I'm now very proud to be a part of Intervoice,
261
673578
3568
Tani jam shume krenare qe jam pjese e intervoice,
11:29
the organizational body of the International Hearing Voices Movement,
262
677146
3969
trupi organizativ i levizjes nderkombetare "Degjimi i zerave",
11:33
an initiative inspired by the work of Professor Marius Romme
263
681115
3383
nje iniciative e frymezuar nga puna e profesorit Marius Romme
11:36
and Dr. Sandra Escher,
264
684498
1252
dhe Dr. Sandra Escher,
11:37
which locates voice hearing as a survival strategy,
265
685750
3196
qe e kane evidentuar degjimin e zerave si nje strategji mbijetese,
11:40
a sane reaction to insane circumstances,
266
688946
3366
nje veprim i kthjellet ne nje situate cmendurie,
11:44
not as an aberrant symptom of schizophrenia to be endured,
267
692312
3659
jo si nje simptome skizofrenie per ta duruar,
11:47
but a complex, significant and meaningful experience
268
695971
3264
por nje eksperience komplekse, kuptimplote
11:51
to be explored.
269
699235
2324
per tu eksploruar.
11:53
Together, we envisage and enact a society
270
701559
2283
Sebashku kemi menduar dhe krijuar nje shoqeri
11:55
that understands and respects voice hearing,
271
703842
2477
qe i kupton dhe respekton te degjuarin e zerave,
11:58
supports the needs of individuals who hear voices,
272
706319
2313
dhe mbeshtet nevojat e individeve qe degjojne zera,
12:00
and which values them as full citizens.
273
708632
3373
dhe i vlereson si qytetare me te drejta te plota.
12:04
This type of society is not only possible,
274
712005
2286
Kjo lloj shoqerie jo vetem qe eshte e mundshme,
12:06
it's already on its way.
275
714291
2012
por eshte duke u formuar.
12:08
To paraphrase Chavez, once social change begins,
276
716303
3794
Per te parafrazuar Chavez, kur nje ndryshim social fillon,
12:12
it cannot be reversed.
277
720097
2092
ai nuk mund te kthehet mbrapsht.
12:14
You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.
278
722189
3227
Ju nuk mund ta poshteroni njeriun qe ndien krenari.
12:17
You cannot oppress the people
279
725416
1791
Nuk mund ti shtypesh njerezit
12:19
who are not afraid anymore.
280
727207
2484
te cilet nuk jane me te frikesuar.
12:21
For me, the achievements of the Hearing Voices Movement
281
729691
2559
Per mua, arritjet e levizjes "Degjimi i Zerave"
12:24
are a reminder that empathy, fellowship,
282
732250
2519
jane nje kujtese qe ndjeshmeria, shoqeria,
12:26
justice and respect are more than words;
283
734769
2744
drejtesia dhe respekti jane me shume se fjale;
12:29
they are convictions and beliefs,
284
737513
2611
jane bindje dhe besim,
12:32
and that beliefs can change the world.
285
740124
2486
dhe se besimi ka fuqine e te ndryshuarit te botes.
12:34
In the last 20 years, the Hearing Voices Movement
286
742610
2775
Ne 20 vitet e fundit, levizja "Degjimi i Zerave"
12:37
has established hearing voices networks
287
745385
2212
ka krijuar nje rrjet
12:39
in 26 countries across five continents,
288
747597
2991
ne 26 vende ne pese kontinente,
12:42
working together to promote dignity, solidarity
289
750588
3369
qe punojne bashke per te promovuar dinjitet, solidaritet
12:45
and empowerment for individuals in mental distress,
290
753957
3066
dhe fuqizim te njerezve me shqetesime mendore,
12:49
to create a new language and practice of hope,
291
757023
3265
per te krijuar nje gjuhe te re dhe praktikim shprese,
12:52
which, at its very center, lies an unshakable belief
292
760288
3944
ku, ne qendren e se ciles, ndodhet nje besim i palekundur
12:56
in the power of the individual.
293
764232
2890
ne fuqine e individit.
12:59
As Peter Levine has said, the human animal
294
767122
2921
Sikunder ka thene Peter Levine, kafsha njeri
13:02
is a unique being
295
770043
1652
eshte nje qenie unike
13:03
endowed with an instinctual capacity to heal
296
771695
3374
e paisur me nje kapacitet instiktiv per tu sheruar
13:07
and the intellectual spirit to harness this innate capacity.
297
775069
4211
dhe me shpirtin intelektual per ta shfrytezuar kete kapacitet te lindur.
13:11
In this respect, for members of society,
298
779280
2484
Ne kete kuader, per anetaret e shoqerise,
13:13
there is no greater honor or privilege
299
781764
2493
nuk ka nder a privilegj me te madh
13:16
than facilitating that process of healing for someone,
300
784257
2660
sesa te shpejtosh kete proces sherimi tek dikush,
13:18
to bear witness, to reach out a hand,
301
786917
2946
te jesh deshmitar, te zgjasesh doren,
13:21
to share the burden of someone's suffering,
302
789863
2363
te ndash peshen e dhimbjes se dikujt,
13:24
and to hold the hope for their recovery.
303
792226
3074
dhe te mbash shpresen per permiresimin e tyre.
13:27
And likewise, for survivors of distress and adversity,
304
795300
2529
Dhe sikunder per mbijetuesit e situatave stresante dhe te veshtira,
13:29
that we remember we don't have to live our lives
305
797829
2579
ne nuk duhet ta jetojme jeten tone pergjithnje
13:32
forever defined by the damaging things that have happened to us.
306
800408
3712
te shenjuar nga gjerat e keqija dhe demshme qe na kane ngjare.
13:36
We are unique. We are irreplaceable.
307
804120
2509
Ne jemi unik. Jemi te pazëvendësueshëm.
13:38
What lies within us can never be truly colonized,
308
806629
2717
Ajo c'ka kemi perbrenda nuk mundet kurre te kolonizohet,
13:41
contorted, or taken away.
309
809346
2356
shtremberohet ose te na largohet.
13:43
The light never goes out.
310
811702
4098
Drita nuk fiket kurre.
13:47
As a very wonderful doctor once said to me,
311
815800
2110
Dhe si nje doktor i mrekullueshem me tha dikur,
13:49
"Don't tell me what other people have told you about yourself.
312
817910
3251
"Mos me thuaj se cfare kane thene te tjeret per ty.
13:53
Tell me about you."
313
821161
3051
Me thuaj ti rreth vetes."
13:56
Thank you.
314
824212
1806
Faleminderit.
13:58
(Applause)
315
826018
5524
(Duartrokitje)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologistEleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.”
Why you should listen
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
More profile about the speakerLongden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
Eleanor Longden | Speaker | TED.com