TEDWomen 2016
Elizabeth Lesser: Say your truths and seek them in others
Elizabet Leser (Elizabeth Lesser): Recite svoje istine i tražite ih u drugima
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1,709,264 views
U lirskom, neobično zabavnom razgovoru o teškim temama kao što su narušeni odnosi i smrt voljenih, Elizabet Leser opisuje proces oporavka uz ostavljanje ponosa i odbrambenog stava po strani kako bismo napravili prostor da ogolimo dušu i izgovorimo istinu. „Ne morate da čekate situaciju koja se tiče života ili smrti kako biste raščistili odnose koji su vama važni“, kaže ona. „Budite nešto poput nove vrste službe za pružanje pomoći... oni koji čine prvi hrabri korak ka onom drugom.“
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Like many of us,
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Kao i mnogi,
00:14
I've had several careers in my life,
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imala sam nekoliko karijera
tokom svog života
tokom svog života
00:17
and although they've been varied,
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i iako su veoma raznolike,
00:19
my first job set the foundation
for all of them.
for all of them.
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moj prvi posao je postavio temelj
za svaku od njih.
za svaku od njih.
00:23
I was a home-birth midwife
throughout my 20s.
throughout my 20s.
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U svojim dvadesetim sam bila babica
za porođaje kod kuće.
za porođaje kod kuće.
00:27
Delivering babies taught me
valuable and sometimes surprising things,
valuable and sometimes surprising things,
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Donošenje beba na svet me je naučilo
vrednim i ponekad iznenađujućim stvarima,
vrednim i ponekad iznenađujućim stvarima,
00:32
like how to start a car at 2am.
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na primer, kako da upalim auto u 2 ujutru,
00:35
when it's 10 degrees below zero.
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kada je napolju -10.
00:37
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:38
Or how to revive a father
who's fainted at the sight of blood.
who's fainted at the sight of blood.
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Ili kako da vratim u život oca
koji se onesvestio kada je video krv.
koji se onesvestio kada je video krv.
00:42
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:43
Or how to cut the umbilical cord just so,
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Ili kako da presečem pupčanu vrpcu
baš onako kako treba da bi bio lep pupak.
00:46
to make a beautiful belly button.
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00:48
But those aren't the things
that stuck with me or guided me
that stuck with me or guided me
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Ali to nije ono ključno što pamtim
ili što me je vodilo
ili što me je vodilo
00:52
when I stopped being a midwife
and started other jobs.
and started other jobs.
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kada sam prestala da budem babica
i počela da radim druge poslove.
i počela da radim druge poslove.
00:56
What stuck with me was this bedrock belief
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Ono što pamtim je temeljno uverenje
01:00
that each one of us comes into this world
with a unique worth.
with a unique worth.
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da svako od nas na ovaj svet
dolazi sa jedinstvenom vrednošću.
dolazi sa jedinstvenom vrednošću.
01:06
When I looked into the face of a newborn,
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Kada bih pogledala u lice novorođenčeta,
01:10
I caught a glimpse of that worthiness,
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uhvatila bih nagoveštaj te vrednosti,
01:13
that sense of unapologetic selfhood,
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tog ličnog karaktera
koji nema razloga da se izvini,
koji nema razloga da se izvini,
01:16
that unique spark.
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te jedinstvene iskre.
01:20
I use the word "soul"
to describe that spark,
to describe that spark,
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Koristim reč „duša“ da opišem tu iskru,
01:24
because it's the only word in English
that comes close to naming
that comes close to naming
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jer je jedina reč u srpskom jeziku
koja je približna tome
koja je približna tome
01:29
what each baby brought into the room.
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što svaka beba donosi na svet.
01:32
Every newborn was as singular
as a snowflake,
as a snowflake,
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Svako novorođenče je jedinstveno
poput pahuljice,
poput pahuljice,
01:37
a matchless mash-up of biology
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neuporediva kombinacija biologije,
01:40
and ancestry and mystery.
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porodičnog porekla i misterije.
01:43
And then that baby grows up,
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Onda ta beba poraste,
01:46
and in order to fit into the family,
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a da bi se uklopila u porodicu,
01:48
to conform to the culture,
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da bi se prilagodila kulturi,
01:50
to the community, to the gender,
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zajednici, rodu,
01:53
that little one begins to cover its soul,
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to malo biće počne da prikriva svoju dušu,
01:56
layer by layer.
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sloj po sloj.
01:58
We're born this way,
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Mi smo rođeni takvi,
02:00
but --
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ali -
02:01
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:03
But as we grow, a lot
of things happen to us
of things happen to us
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Ali kako odrastamo,
dogodi nam se mnogo toga
dogodi nam se mnogo toga
02:06
that make us ...
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što nas natera...
02:09
want to hide our soulful
eccentricities and authenticity.
eccentricities and authenticity.
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da želimo da prikrijemo ekscentričnost
i autentičnost naše duše.
i autentičnost naše duše.
02:14
We've all done this.
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Svi smo to radili.
02:16
Everyone in this room is a former baby --
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Svi u ovoj prostoriji
nekada su bili bebe -
nekada su bili bebe -
02:19
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:20
with a distinctive birthright.
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sa karakterističnim pravom
koje smo dobili na rođenju.
koje smo dobili na rođenju.
02:23
But as adults, we spend so much
of our time uncomfortable in our own skin,
of our time uncomfortable in our own skin,
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Ali kao odrasli, provodimo previše vremena
nelagodno se osećajući u sopstvenoj koži,
nelagodno se osećajući u sopstvenoj koži,
02:28
like we have ADD:
authenticity deficit disorder.
authenticity deficit disorder.
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kao da imamo PNA:
poremećaj nedostatka autentičnosti.
poremećaj nedostatka autentičnosti.
02:33
But not those babies --
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Ali ne i te bebe -
02:35
not yet.
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ne još uvek.
02:36
Their message to me was:
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Njihova poruka meni je bila:
02:38
uncover your soul
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otkrij svoju dušu
02:40
and look for that soul-spark
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i potraži tu iskru duše
02:43
in everyone else.
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u svakome.
02:45
It's still there.
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Još uvek je tamo.
02:47
And here's what I learned
from laboring women.
from laboring women.
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Evo šta sam naučila tokom porađanja žena.
02:50
Their message was about staying open,
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Njihova poruka je da treba ostati otvoren
02:53
even when things are painful.
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čak i kada su stvari bolne.
02:56
A woman's cervix normally looks like this.
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Cerviks žene obično izgleda ovako.
02:59
It's a tight little muscle
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To je čvrst mali mišić
03:01
at the base of the uterus.
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na otvoru materice.
03:03
And during labor,
it has to stretch from this
it has to stretch from this
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Tokom porođaja,
treba da se proširi od te veličine
treba da se proširi od te veličine
03:07
to this.
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do ove.
03:08
Ouch!
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Joj!
03:10
If you fight against that pain,
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Ako se borite protiv tog bola,
03:13
you just create more pain,
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samo ga povećavate,
03:15
and you block what wants to be born.
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i blokirate ono što želi da se rodi.
03:18
I'll never forget the magic
that would happen
that would happen
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Nikada neću zaboraviti
magiju koja se događa
magiju koja se događa
03:22
when a woman stopped resisting the pain
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kada žena prestane da se odupire bolu
03:26
and opened.
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i otvori se.
03:27
It was as if the forces
of the universe took notice
of the universe took notice
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Kao da su sile univerzuma
primetile šta se dešava
primetile šta se dešava
03:31
and sent in a wave of help.
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i poslale pomoć.
03:33
I never forgot that message,
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Nikada nisam zaboravila tu poruku,
03:35
and now, when difficult
or painful things happen to me
or painful things happen to me
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i sada, kada mi se teške
ili bolne stvari dogode
ili bolne stvari dogode
03:39
in my life or my work,
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u životu ili na poslu,
03:41
of course at first I resist them,
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naravno da im se prvo opirem,
03:44
but then I remember
what I learned from the mothers:
what I learned from the mothers:
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ali onda se setim
šta sam naučila od majki:
šta sam naučila od majki:
03:47
stay open.
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ostani otvoren.
03:49
Stay curious.
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Ostani radoznao.
03:50
Ask the pain what it's come to deliver.
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Pitaj bol šta će poroditi.
03:54
Something new wants to be born.
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Nešto novo želi da se rodi.
03:57
And there was one more big soulful lesson,
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Bila je još jedna velika duboka lekcija,
03:59
and that one I learned
from Albert Einstein.
from Albert Einstein.
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a nju sam naučila od Alberta Ajnštajna.
On nije bio ni na jednom
od porođaja, ali -
od porođaja, ali -
04:02
He wasn't at any of the births, but --
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04:04
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:05
It was a lesson about time.
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To je bila lekcija o vremenu.
04:09
At the end of his life,
Albert Einstein concluded
Albert Einstein concluded
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Na kraju svog života,
Albert Ajnštajn je zaključio
Albert Ajnštajn je zaključio
04:13
that our normal, hamster-wheel
experience of life
experience of life
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da naše uobičajeno iskustvo života,
kao hrčaka koji trče na točku,
kao hrčaka koji trče na točku,
04:18
is an illusion.
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jeste iluzija.
04:19
We run round and round, faster and faster,
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Mi trčimo naokolo, sve brže i brže,
04:22
trying to get somewhere.
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pokušavajući negde da stignemo.
04:24
And all the while,
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A sve vreme,
04:27
underneath surface time
is this whole other dimension
is this whole other dimension
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ispod površinskog vremena
postoji čitava jedna dimenzija
postoji čitava jedna dimenzija
04:31
where the past and the present
and the future merge
and the future merge
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gde se prošlost,
sadašnjost i budućnost spajaju
sadašnjost i budućnost spajaju
04:36
and become deep time.
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i postaju duboko vreme.
04:39
And there's nowhere to get to.
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Ne postoji mesto na koje treba stići.
04:42
Albert Einstein called
this state, this dimension,
this state, this dimension,
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Albert Ajnštajn je nazvao
ovo stanje, ovu dimenziju,
ovo stanje, ovu dimenziju,
04:47
"only being."
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„samo postojanje“.
04:48
And he said when he experienced it,
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Rekao je da je, kada ga je iskusio,
04:50
he knew sacred awe.
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upoznao sveto strahopoštovanje.
04:53
When I was delivering babies,
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Kada sam porađala majke,
bila sam primorana da siđem
sa točka za hrčke.
sa točka za hrčke.
04:55
I was forced off the hamster wheel.
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04:57
Sometimes I had to sit for days,
hours and hours,
hours and hours,
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Ponekad sam morala
da sedim danima, satima i satima,
da sedim danima, satima i satima,
05:01
just breathing with the parents;
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i da samo dišem sa roditeljima;
05:03
just being.
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samo da postojim.
05:05
And I got a big dose of sacred awe.
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I ja sam primila veliku dozu
svetog strahopoštovanja.
svetog strahopoštovanja.
05:09
So those are the three lessons
I took with me from midwifery.
I took with me from midwifery.
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To su tri lekcije koje sam ponela sa sobom
iz rada kao babica.
iz rada kao babica.
05:14
One: uncover your soul.
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Prva: otkrij svoju dušu.
05:17
Two: when things get difficult
or painful, try to stay open.
or painful, try to stay open.
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Druga: kada stvari postanu teške
ili bolne, pokušaj da ostaneš otvoren.
ili bolne, pokušaj da ostaneš otvoren.
05:23
And three: every now and then,
step off your hamster wheel
step off your hamster wheel
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I treća: s vremena na vreme,
siđi sa svog točka za hrčke
siđi sa svog točka za hrčke
05:27
into deep time.
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u duboko vreme.
05:30
Those lessons have served me
throughout my life,
throughout my life,
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Te lekcije su mi koristile kroz ceo život,
05:34
but they really served me recently,
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ali su mi posebno koristile nedavno,
05:37
when I took on the most
important job of my life thus far.
important job of my life thus far.
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kada sam preuzela
najvažniji posao svog života do sada.
najvažniji posao svog života do sada.
05:42
Two years ago, my younger sister
came out of remission
came out of remission
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Pre dve godine je moja mlađa sestra
izašla iz remisije retkog raka krvi,
05:46
from a rare blood cancer,
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05:49
and the only treatment left for her
was a bone marrow transplant.
was a bone marrow transplant.
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i jedino lečenje koje joj je preostalo
je bila transplantacija koštane srži.
je bila transplantacija koštane srži.
05:54
And against the odds,
we found a match for her,
we found a match for her,
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Uprkos verovatnoćama,
našli smo odgovarajućeg davaoca,
našli smo odgovarajućeg davaoca,
05:57
who turned out to be me.
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a ispostavilo se da sam to ja.
06:00
I come from a family of four girls,
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Rođena sam u porodici sa četiri devojke,
06:04
and when my sisters found out that
I was my sister's perfect genetic match,
I was my sister's perfect genetic match,
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i kada su moje sestre saznale
da ja genetski savršeno odgovaram,
da ja genetski savršeno odgovaram,
06:10
their reaction was, "Really? You?"
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njihova reakcija je bila: „Stvarno? Ti?“
06:12
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:14
"A perfect match for her?"
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„Savršeno joj odgovaraš?“
06:16
Which is pretty typical for siblings.
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Što je prilično očekivano za sestre.
06:19
In a sibling society,
there's lots of things.
there's lots of things.
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U sestrinskoj zajednici
postoji mnogo stvari.
postoji mnogo stvari.
06:22
There's love and there's friendship
and there's protection.
and there's protection.
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Tu je i ljubav, prijateljstvo i zaštita.
06:26
But there's also jealousy
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Ali su tu i ljubomora,
06:28
and competition
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takmičenje,
06:30
and rejection and attack.
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odbacivanje i napad.
06:33
In siblinghood, that's where we start
assembling many of those first layers
assembling many of those first layers
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U sestrinstvu počinjemo
da prikupljamo mnogo od tih prvih slojeva
da prikupljamo mnogo od tih prvih slojeva
06:39
that cover our soul.
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koji prekrivaju našu dušu.
06:42
When I discovered I was my sister's match,
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Kada sam otkrila
da odgovaram svojoj sestri,
da odgovaram svojoj sestri,
06:45
I went into research mode.
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počela sam da istražujem.
06:47
And I discovered that
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I otkrila sam
da je pretpostavka
na kojoj počiva transplantacija
na kojoj počiva transplantacija
06:50
the premise of transplants
is pretty straightforward.
is pretty straightforward.
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prilično jednostavna.
06:52
You destroy all the bone marrow
in the cancer patient
in the cancer patient
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Uništi se sva koštana srž
kod pacijenta koji boluje od raka
kod pacijenta koji boluje od raka
06:56
with massive doses of chemotherapy,
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uz pomoć ogromne doze hemoterapije,
06:59
and then you replace that marrow
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a onda se ta srž zameni
07:01
with several million healthy
marrow cells from a donor.
marrow cells from a donor.
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sa nekoliko miliona
zdravih koštanih ćelija davaoca.
zdravih koštanih ćelija davaoca.
07:05
And then you do everything you can
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Onda se čini sve moguće
07:07
to make sure that those new cells
engraft in the patient.
engraft in the patient.
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da se omogući da se te nove ćelije
prime kod pacijenta.
prime kod pacijenta.
07:12
I also learned that bone marrow
transplants are fraught with danger.
transplants are fraught with danger.
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Takođe sam naučila da transplantacija
koštane srži nosi mnogo opasnosti.
koštane srži nosi mnogo opasnosti.
07:17
If my sister made it
through the near-lethal chemotherapy,
through the near-lethal chemotherapy,
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Ako bi moja sestra prošla
kroz gotovo smrtnu dozu hemoterapije,
kroz gotovo smrtnu dozu hemoterapije,
07:22
she still would face other challenges.
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i dalje bi je čekalo mnogo drugih izazova.
07:25
My cells
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Moje ćelije
07:28
might attack her body.
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bi mogle da napadnu njeno telo.
07:31
And her body might reject my cells.
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Njeno telo bi moglo da odbaci moje ćelije.
07:34
They call this rejection or attack,
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To nazivaju odbacivanjem ili napadom,
07:37
and both could kill her.
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a i jedno i drugo bi moglo da je ubije.
07:39
Rejection. Attack.
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Odbacivanje. Napad.
07:42
Those words had a familiar ring
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Te reči su imale poznati prizvuk
07:44
in the context of being siblings.
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u kontekstu sestara.
07:47
My sister and I had
a long history of love,
a long history of love,
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Moja sestra i ja smo imale
dugu istoriju ljubavi,
dugu istoriju ljubavi,
07:50
but we also had a long history
of rejection and attack,
of rejection and attack,
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ali smo isto tako imale i dugu istoriju
odbacivanja i napada,
odbacivanja i napada,
07:54
from minor misunderstandings
to bigger betrayals.
to bigger betrayals.
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od manjih nesporazuma do većih izdaja.
07:59
We didn't have
the kind of the relationship
the kind of the relationship
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Nismo imale onu vrstu veze
08:01
where we talked about the deeper stuff;
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gde smo razgovarale o dubljim stvarima;
08:03
but, like many siblings and like people
in all kinds of relationships,
in all kinds of relationships,
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ali, kao mnoge sestre i kao mnogi ljudi
u svim vrstama odnosa,
u svim vrstama odnosa,
08:08
we were hesitant to tell our truths,
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suzdržavale smo se da kažemo svoje istine,
08:11
to reveal our wounds,
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da otkrijemo svoje rane,
08:14
to admit our wrongdoings.
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da priznamo svoja nedela.
08:17
But when I learned about
the dangers of rejection or attack,
the dangers of rejection or attack,
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Ali kada sam saznala
za opasnosti odbacivanja ili napada,
za opasnosti odbacivanja ili napada,
08:22
I thought, it's time to change this.
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pomislila sam da je vreme da promenimo to.
08:25
What if we left the bone marrow
transplant up to the doctors,
transplant up to the doctors,
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Šta ako ostavimo transplantaciju
koštane srži doktorima,
koštane srži doktorima,
08:29
but did something that we later came
to call our "soul marrow transplant?"
to call our "soul marrow transplant?"
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ali da uradimo ono što smo kasnije nazvale
našom „transplantacijom duševne srži“?
našom „transplantacijom duševne srži“?
08:36
What if we faced any pain
we had caused each other,
we had caused each other,
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Šta ako bismo se suočile sa svim bolom
koji smo izazvale jedna drugoj,
koji smo izazvale jedna drugoj,
08:40
and instead of rejection or attack,
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508215
2707
i umesto da odbacimo
ili napadnemo jedna drugu,
ili napadnemo jedna drugu,
da li bismo mogle da se saslušamo?
08:43
could we listen?
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08:45
Could we forgive?
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Da li bismo mogle da oprostimo?
Da li bismo mogle da se spojimo?
08:47
Could we merge?
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08:48
Would that teach our cells to do the same?
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Da li bi to naučilo naše ćelije
da učine isto?
da učine isto?
08:53
To woo my skeptical sister,
I turned to my parents' holy text:
I turned to my parents' holy text:
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Kako bih ubedila svoju sumnjičavu sestru,
obratila sam se svetom tekstu
svojih roditelja:
svojih roditelja:
08:58
the New Yorker Magazine.
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časopisu Njujorker.
08:59
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
09:01
I sent her a cartoon from its pages
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Poslala sam joj crtež odatle
09:05
as a way of explaining
why we should visit a therapist
why we should visit a therapist
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3625
kako bih joj objasnila
zašto treba da posetimo terapeuta
zašto treba da posetimo terapeuta
09:09
before having my bone marrow harvested
and transplanted into her body.
and transplanted into her body.
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pre nego što doktori prikupe moju srž
i presade je u njeno telo.
i presade je u njeno telo.
09:14
Here it is.
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1245
Evo ga.
09:15
"I have never forgiven him for that thing
I made up in my head."
I made up in my head."
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4114
„Nikad mu nisam oprostila za tu stvar
koju sam izmislila u svojoj glavi.“
koju sam izmislila u svojoj glavi.“
09:19
(Laughter)
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2407
(Smeh)
09:22
I told my sister
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550305
1946
Rekla sam sestri
09:24
we had probably been doing the same thing,
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2837
da smo sigurno i mi radile isto to -
09:27
carting around made-up stories
in our heads that kept us separate.
in our heads that kept us separate.
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5720
nosile smo okolo izmišljene priče
u svojim glavama koje su nas razdvajale.
u svojim glavama koje su nas razdvajale.
09:34
And I told her that after the transplant,
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2892
Rekla sam joj da, nakon transplantacije,
09:37
all of the blood flowing in her veins
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2594
sva krv koja će teći njenim venama
09:39
would be my blood,
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biće moja krv,
09:41
made from my marrow cells,
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2420
koju su stvorile moje ćelije,
09:44
and that inside the nucleus
of each of those cells
of each of those cells
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4229
i da je unutar nukleusa
svake od tih ćelija
svake od tih ćelija
09:48
is a complete set of my DNA.
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2266
potpuni sklop moje DNK.
09:51
"I will be swimming around in you
for the rest of your life,"
for the rest of your life,"
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„Plivaću u tebi ostatak tvog života“,
09:54
I told my slightly horrified sister.
188
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rekla sam svojoj pomalo
preplašenoj sestri.
preplašenoj sestri.
09:57
(Laughter)
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2180
(Smeh)
09:59
"I think we better clean up
our relationship."
our relationship."
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3088
„Mislim da je bolje
da raščistimo naš odnos.“
da raščistimo naš odnos.“
10:04
A health crisis makes people
do all sorts of risky things,
do all sorts of risky things,
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592168
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Ugroženo zdravlje utiče na to da ljudi
čine različite rizične stvari,
čine različite rizične stvari,
10:07
like quitting a job
or jumping out of an airplane
or jumping out of an airplane
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3541
kao što je davanje otkaza
ili skakanje iz aviona,
ili skakanje iz aviona,
10:11
and, in the case of my sister,
193
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1991
a u slučaju moje sestre,
10:13
saying "yes" to several therapy sessions,
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3734
pristanak na nekoliko seansi
10:17
during which we got down to the marrow.
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tokom kojih smo išle do srži.
10:23
We looked at and released years of stories
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4393
Posmatrale smo i oslobodile
godine priča i pretpostavki
godine priča i pretpostavki
10:28
and assumptions about each other
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2081
koje smo imale jedna o drugoj,
10:30
and blame and shame
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2078
krivicu i stid,
10:32
until all that was left was love.
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3538
sve dok nije preostala samo ljubav.
10:38
People have said I was brave
to undergo the bone marrow harvest,
to undergo the bone marrow harvest,
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Ljudi su rekli da sam hrabra
jer sam se podvrgla
prikupljanju koštane srži,
prikupljanju koštane srži,
10:42
but I don't think so.
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ali ja ne mislim tako.
10:44
What felt brave to me
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Ono što se meni učinilo hrabrim
10:46
was that other kind
of harvest and transplant,
of harvest and transplant,
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3185
bila je ta druga vrsta
prikupljanja i transplantacije,
prikupljanja i transplantacije,
10:49
the soul marrow transplant,
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1896
transplantacija duševne srži,
10:51
getting emotionally naked
with another human being,
with another human being,
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emotivno svlačenje
sa drugim ljudskim bićem,
sa drugim ljudskim bićem,
10:55
putting aside pride and defensiveness,
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3469
ostavljanje po strani ponosa
i odbrambenog stava,
i odbrambenog stava,
10:59
lifting the layers
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1636
podizanje slojeva
11:01
and sharing with each other
our vulnerable souls.
our vulnerable souls.
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4091
i to što smo jedna sa drugom
podelile naše ranjive duše.
podelile naše ranjive duše.
11:06
I called on those midwife lessons:
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654416
2799
Pozivala sam se na one lekcije
koje sam naučila kao babica:
koje sam naučila kao babica:
11:09
uncover your soul.
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1626
otkrijte svoju dušu.
11:11
Open to what's scary and painful.
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2641
Otvorite se ka onome
što je zastrašujuće i bolno.
što je zastrašujuće i bolno.
11:14
Look for the sacred awe.
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1856
Tražite sveto strahopoštovanje.
11:17
Here I am with my marrow cells
after the harvest.
after the harvest.
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3265
Tu sam sa svojim ćelijama srži
nakon njihovog prikupljanja.
nakon njihovog prikupljanja.
11:21
That's they call it -- "harvest,"
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669161
1900
Tako to nazivaju - „prikupljanje“,
11:23
like it's some kind of bucolic
farm-to-table event --
farm-to-table event --
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671085
3200
kao da je reč o nekoj vrsti događaja
gde seljak prikuplja sa farme -
gde seljak prikuplja sa farme -
11:26
(Laughter)
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674309
1158
(Smeh)
11:27
Which I can assure you it is not.
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675491
2492
A uveravam vas da nije tako.
11:31
And here is my brave, brave sister
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679522
3335
Ovde je moja hrabra sestra
11:34
receiving my cells.
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682881
1696
kako prima moje ćelije.
11:37
After the transplant, we began to spend
more and more time together.
more and more time together.
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685768
3938
Nakon transplantacije, počele smo
da provodimo sve više vremena zajedno.
da provodimo sve više vremena zajedno.
11:42
It was as if we were little girls again.
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690289
2279
Bilo je to kao da smo iznova
postale devojčice.
postale devojčice.
11:45
The past and the present merged.
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Prošlost i sadašnjost su se spojile.
11:48
We entered deep time.
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2206
Ušle smo u duboko vreme.
11:51
I left the hamster wheel of work and life
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Napustila sam točak za hrčke
u životu i u poslu
u životu i u poslu
11:55
to join my sister
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1662
kako bih se pridružila svojoj sestri
11:57
on that lonely island
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1997
na tom usamljenom ostrvu
12:00
of illness and healing.
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708444
1776
bolesti i izlečenja.
12:02
We spent months together --
228
710948
1843
Provele smo mesece zajedno -
12:04
in the isolation unit,
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712815
1762
na infektivnom odeljenju,
12:06
in the hospital and in her home.
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714601
2358
u bolnici i u njenoj kući.
12:10
Our fast-paced society
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1689
Naša zajednica koja živi brzim tempom
12:12
does not support or even value
this kind of work.
this kind of work.
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5160
ne podržava niti ceni ovaj vid rada.
12:17
We see it as a disruption
of real life and important work.
of real life and important work.
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3633
To vidimo kao prekid
stvarnog života i važnog posla.
stvarnog života i važnog posla.
12:21
We worry about the emotional drain
and the financial cost --
and the financial cost --
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729426
4228
Brinemo o emocionalnoj iscrpljenosti
i finansijskim troškovima -
i finansijskim troškovima -
12:25
and, yes, there is a financial cost.
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3575
i, da, postoji finansijski trošak.
12:29
But I was paid
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737277
1674
Ali ja sam plaćena
12:31
in the kind of currency our culture
seems to have forgotten all about.
seems to have forgotten all about.
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4867
u valuti koju je naša kultura
izgleda zaboravila u potpunosti.
izgleda zaboravila u potpunosti.
12:37
I was paid in love.
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2139
Plaćena sam ljubavlju.
12:39
I was paid in soul.
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747629
1745
Plaćena sam dušom.
12:41
I was paid in my sister.
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2170
Plaćena sam bliskošću sa svojom sestrom.
12:44
My sister said the year after transplant
was the best year of her life,
was the best year of her life,
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5192
Moja sestra je rekla
da je godina nakon transplantacije
da je godina nakon transplantacije
najbolja godina njenog života,
što je iznenađujuće.
što je iznenađujuće.
12:50
which was surprising.
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758008
1249
12:51
She suffered so much.
243
759281
2448
Propatila je mnogo.
12:54
But she said life never tasted as sweet,
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3232
Ali je rekla da život
nikada nije bio slađi
nikada nije bio slađi
12:58
and that because of the soul-baring
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2744
i da je zahvaljujući ogoljavanju duše
13:00
and the truth-telling
we had done with each other,
we had done with each other,
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2546
i tome što smo jedna drugoj rekle istinu,
13:03
she became more unapologetically herself
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3816
nepomirljivo postala ono što jeste
13:07
with everyone.
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1391
u odnosu sa svima.
13:08
She said things
she'd always needed to say.
she'd always needed to say.
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776976
2968
Rekla je stvari
koje je oduvek trebalo da kaže.
koje je oduvek trebalo da kaže.
13:11
She did things she always wanted to do.
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779968
2788
Učinila je stvari
koje je uvek želela da učini.
koje je uvek želela da učini.
13:15
The same happened for me.
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1959
Isto se dogodilo i meni.
13:17
I became braver about being authentic
with the people in my life.
with the people in my life.
252
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5349
Postala sam hrabrija i autentična
prema ljudima u svom životu.
prema ljudima u svom životu.
13:23
I said my truths,
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1693
Rekla sam svoje istine,
13:25
but more important than that,
I sought the truth of others.
I sought the truth of others.
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4595
ali još važnije od toga,
zahtevala sam istinu od drugih.
zahtevala sam istinu od drugih.
13:31
It wasn't until
the final chapter of this story
the final chapter of this story
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3384
Tek na kraju ove priče sam shvatila
13:35
that I realized just how well
midwifery had trained me.
midwifery had trained me.
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803121
3449
koliko me je dobro
posao babice istrenirao.
posao babice istrenirao.
13:39
After that best year of my sister's life,
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807214
2915
Nakon te najbolje godine
života moje sestre,
života moje sestre,
13:42
the cancer came roaring back,
258
810153
2001
rak se burno vratio,
13:44
and this time there was nothing more
the doctors could do.
the doctors could do.
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812702
3272
i ovog puta nije postojalo ništa više
što su doktori mogli da urade.
što su doktori mogli da urade.
13:47
They gave her just
a couple of months to live.
a couple of months to live.
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815998
2666
Procenili su da će živeti
još samo nekoliko meseci.
još samo nekoliko meseci.
13:52
The night before my sister died,
261
820196
2377
Noć pre nego što je moja sestra umrla,
13:55
I sat by her bedside.
262
823163
2708
sedela sam pored njenog kreveta.
13:57
She was so small and thin.
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825895
2283
Bila je tako sitna i mršava.
14:00
I could see the blood pulsing in her neck.
264
828766
2523
Mogla sam da vidim krv
kako pulsira u njenom vratu.
kako pulsira u njenom vratu.
14:03
It was my blood, her blood, our blood.
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831869
3545
Bila je to moja krv, njena krv, naša krv.
14:08
When she died, part of me would die, too.
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2852
Kada je umrla, deo mene je takođe umro.
14:12
I tried to make sense of it all,
267
840687
4672
Pokušala sam da razumem
smisao svega toga,
smisao svega toga,
kako nas je to što smo postale jedno
u međusobnom odnosu
u međusobnom odnosu
14:17
how becoming one with each other
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845383
2130
14:20
had made us more ourselves,
269
848008
2009
učinilo više onim što jesmo,
14:22
our soul selves,
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850041
1507
onim što suštinski jesmo,
14:24
and how by facing and opening
to the pain of our past,
to the pain of our past,
271
852249
5193
i kako smo se suočavanjem sa bolom
iz naše prošlosti i otvaranjem ka njemu
iz naše prošlosti i otvaranjem ka njemu
14:29
we'd finally been delivered to each other,
272
857466
2499
konačno predale jedna drugoj,
14:32
and how by stepping out of time,
273
860651
2250
i kako ćemo time
što smo iskoračile iz vremena
što smo iskoračile iz vremena
14:34
we would now be connected forever.
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862925
2408
sada biti zauvek spojene.
14:38
My sister left me with so many things,
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866980
2930
Moja sestra me je ostavila
sa toliko stvari,
sa toliko stvari,
14:42
and I'm going to leave you now
with just one of them.
with just one of them.
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870365
2720
a ja ću sada vas da ostavim
samo sa jednom od njih.
samo sa jednom od njih.
14:45
You don't have to wait
for a life-or-death situation
for a life-or-death situation
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4230
Ne morate da čekate situaciju
gde je pitanje života ili smrti
gde je pitanje života ili smrti
14:50
to clean up the relationships
that matter to you,
that matter to you,
278
878497
3119
kako biste raščistili odnose
koji su vama važni,
koji su vama važni,
14:53
to offer the marrow of your soul
279
881640
2623
da ponudite srž svoje duše
14:57
and to seek it in another.
280
885157
2188
i da je zatražite od drugog.
15:00
We can all do this.
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888297
1918
Svi to možemo.
15:02
We can be like a new kind
of first responder,
of first responder,
282
890239
4843
Svi možemo da budemo nova vrsta
službe za pružanje pomoći,
službe za pružanje pomoći,
15:07
like the one to take
the first courageous step
the first courageous step
283
895106
4203
oni koji čine prvi hrabri korak
15:11
toward the other,
284
899906
1752
ka onom drugom,
15:13
and to do something or try to do something
285
901682
3245
i koji čine ili pokušavaju
da učini nešto drugo
da učini nešto drugo
15:16
other than rejection or attack.
286
904951
3122
osim odbijanja i napada.
Možemo to da učinimo
sa svojom braćom i sestrama,
sa svojom braćom i sestrama,
15:20
We can do this with our siblings
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908545
2166
15:22
and our mates
288
910735
1402
sa svojim partnerima,
15:24
and our friends and our colleagues.
289
912161
2256
sa prijateljima i kolegama.
15:26
We can do this with the disconnection
290
914441
2628
Možemo to da učinimo
sa onim od čega smo odvojeni
sa onim od čega smo odvojeni
15:29
and the discord all around us.
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2750
i sa svim neslaganjem oko nas.
15:32
We can do this for the soul of the world.
292
920410
3666
Možemo to da učinimo za dušu sveta.
15:36
Thank you.
293
924629
1191
Hvala vam.
15:37
(Applause)
294
925844
5996
(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialistElizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.
Why you should listen
Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.
Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.
A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.
Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com