ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Veerle Provoost - Bioethicist
Veerle Provoost studies genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Why you should listen

Veerle Provoost is a professor at the Bioethics Institute Ghent of Ghent University and a member of the Network on Ethics of Families. For her current research she coordinates a team of researchers who work on a study about genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Using empirical research methods and Socratic conversation techniques, Provoost studies how professionals and ordinary people reason about health and how they make decisions in health-related contexts. In her courses on empirical research methods for ethics and bioethics, she teaches students how to look beyond mere experiences or general attitudes and to explore the principles and values that guide people's reasoning and decision-making. Her research shows that patients may bring their own sets of principles when making medical decisions, principles that may be very different from what medical staff anticipated and may feature around moral elements that may completely escape the attention of ethicists. For one, the moral reasoning of everyday people is centered more around relationships than around the principles that are at the core of scholarly bioethics.

In her talk TEDxGhent talk, she explains how we can gain valuable insights from families of children conceived with donor sperm and their views about what a family really is. These alternative families teach us what matters most in the decisions we all make for our children, whether or not they are genetically related to us. The parents and children she studied created their own family stories (about how their families were made) in highly diverse but very creative ways. However, some parents thought that they should strictly follow the advice of experts in their communication with their children. Because of that, they discounted their own competence. Based on her research experience, Provoost warns us for the negative effects of problematizing these families. Because no matter what a family looks like, or how it is made, parents should believe in their abilities and their creativity. As they know their families best, they are the real experts in how to find the best way to tell their own family story to their own child.

More profile about the speaker
Veerle Provoost | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxGhent

Veerle Provoost: Do kids think of sperm donors as family?

Veerle Provoost: Smatraju li djeca donatore sperme članovima obitelji?

Filmed:
1,144,738 views

Kako definiramo roditelja -- ili obitelj? Bioetičarka Veerle Provoost istražuje ova pitanja u kontekstu netradicionalnih obitelji, koje su nastale usvajanjem, drugim brakovima, surogat-majkama i donatorima sperme. U ovom govoru priča kako roditelji i djeca stvaraju vlastite obiteljske priče.
- Bioethicist
Veerle Provoost studies genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
What is a parentroditelj?
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Što je to roditelj?
00:15
What is a parentroditelj?
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Što je to roditelj?
00:19
It's not an easylako questionpitanje.
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Nije lako pitanje.
00:21
TodayDanas we have adoptionposvajanje,
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Danas imamo posvajanje,
00:24
stepfamiliesstepfamilies,
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reorganizirane obitelji,
00:25
surrogatesurogat mothersmajke.
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surogat majke.
00:27
ManyMnogi parentsroditelji facelice toughtvrd questionspitanja
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Mnogi roditelji se suočavaju
s teškim pitanjima
00:31
and toughtvrd decisionsodluke.
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i teškim odlukama.
00:33
ShallĆe we tell our childdijete
about the spermsperme donationdonacija?
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Trebamo li reći djetetu
o doniranju sperme?
00:39
If so, when?
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Ako trebamo, kada dakle?
00:41
What wordsriječi to use?
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Kojim riječima?
00:43
SpermSperme donorsdonatori are oftenčesto referreduputiti
to as "biologicalbiološki fathersoci,"
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Donatore sperme se često naziva
"biološkim očevima",
00:49
but should we really
be usingkoristeći the wordriječ "fatherotac?"
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ali trebamo li zaista
koristiti riječ "otac"?
00:53
As a philosopherfilozof and socialsocijalni scientistnaučnik,
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Kao filozofkinja i sociologinja,
00:56
I have been studyingučenje these questionspitanja
about the conceptkoncept of parenthoodroditeljstvo.
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Proučavala sam ova pitanja
o konceptu roditeljstva.
01:01
But todaydanas, I will talk to you
about what I learnednaučeno
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Ali danas, govorit ću vam što sam naučila
01:04
from talkingkoji govori to parentsroditelji and childrendjeca.
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iz razgovora s roditeljima i s djecom.
01:07
I will showpokazati you that they know
what matterspitanja mostnajviše in a familyobitelj,
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Pokazat ću vam da oni znaju
što je najvažnije u obitelji
01:11
even thoughiako theirnjihov familyobitelj
looksizgled a little differentdrugačiji.
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iako njihove obitelji
izgledaju malo drugačije.
01:15
I will showpokazati you theirnjihov creativekreativan waysnačine
of dealingbavljenje with toughtvrd questionspitanja.
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Pokazat ću vam njihove kreativne načine
suočavanja s teškim pitanjima.
01:21
But I will alsotakođer showpokazati you
the parents'roditelja uncertaintiesneizvjesnosti.
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Ali ću vam pokazati i
nesigurnosti roditelja.
01:27
We interviewedintervjuiran couplesparovi
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Intervjuirali smo parove
01:28
who receivedprimljen fertilityplodnost treatmentliječenje
at GhentGhent UniversitySveučilište HospitalBolnica,
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koji su bili na liječenju neplodnosti u
bolnici sveučilišta u Ghentu
01:33
usingkoristeći spermsperme from a donordonator.
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koristeći spermu donatora.
01:35
In this treatmentliječenje timelineKronologija,
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Za vrijeme ovog tretmana,
01:36
you can see two pointsbodova
at whichkoji we conductedprovedena interviewsrazgovori.
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možete vidjeti dva trenutka
u kojima smo proveli intervjue.
01:40
We includeduključen heterosexualheteroseksualni couplesparovi,
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Uključili smo heteroseksualne parove,
01:44
where the man for some reasonrazlog
did not have good-qualitydobre kvalitete spermsperme,
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u kojima muškarac iz nekog razloga
nije imao kvalitetnu spermu
01:48
and lesbianlezbijka couplesparovi who obviouslyočito
neededpotreban to find spermsperme elsewheredrugdje.
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i lezbijske parove koje su očito
trebale pronaći spermu drugdje.
01:54
We alsotakođer includeduključen childrendjeca.
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Uključili smo i djecu.
01:58
I wanted to know
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Željela sam znati
02:00
how those childrendjeca definedefinirati conceptspojmovi
like parenthoodroditeljstvo and familyobitelj.
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kako ova djeca određuju koncepte
poput roditeljstva i obitelji.
02:06
In factčinjenica, that is what I askedpitao them,
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Zapravo, to sam ih pitala,
02:10
only not in that way.
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ali ne na taj način.
02:13
I drewnacrtati an applejabuka treedrvo insteadumjesto.
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Umjesto toga, nacrtala sam drvo jabuke.
02:17
This way, I could askpitati abstractsažetak,
philosophicalfilozofski questionspitanja
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Ovako sam mogla pitati
apstraktna filozofska pitanja
02:20
in a way that did not make them runtrčanje off.
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tako da ih ne otjeram.
02:25
So as you can see,
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Kao što možete vidjeti,
02:27
the applejabuka treedrvo is emptyprazan.
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drvo jabuke je prazno.
02:29
And that illustratesilustrira my researchistraživanje approachpristup.
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I predstavlja moj pristup istraživanju.
02:32
By designingprojektiranje techniquesTehnike like this,
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Ovakvim tehnikama
02:34
I can bringdonijeti as little meaningznačenje and contentsadržaj
as possiblemoguće to the interviewintervju,
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mogu u intervju donijeti
vrlo malo značenja i sadržaja
02:40
because I want to hearčuti that from them.
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jer to želim čuti od njih.
02:44
I askedpitao them:
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Pitala sam ih:
02:46
What would your familyobitelj look like
if it were an applejabuka treedrvo?
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Kako bi tvoja obitelj izgledala
da je drvo jabuke?
02:50
And they could take a paperpapir applejabuka
for everyonesvatko who, in theirnjihov viewpogled,
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Oni bi uzeli papirnatu jabuku za
svakoga tko je, prema njihovom mišljenju,
02:54
was a memberčlan of the familyobitelj,
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član obitelji,
02:56
writepisati a nameime on it
and hangobjesiti it wherevergdje god they wanted.
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napisali bi ime na papir
i stavili ga gdje žele.
02:59
And I would askpitati questionspitanja.
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A ja bih postavila pitanja.
03:02
MostVećina childrendjeca startedpočeo
with a parentroditelj or a siblingbrata ili sestre.
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Većina djece je počelo s roditeljem,
bratom ili sestrom.
03:05
One startedpočeo with "BoxerBoksač,"
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Jedno je počelo s "Boxerom",
03:08
the deadmrtav dogpas of his grandparentsDjed i baka.
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uginulim psom njegovog bake i djeda.
03:11
At this pointtočka, nonenijedan of the childrendjeca
startedpočeo mentioningspomenuti the donordonator.
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U ovom trenutku, nijedno dijete
nije spomenulo donatora.
03:16
So, I askedpitao them about theirnjihov birthrođenja storypriča.
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Stoga sam ih upitala za priču
o njihovom rođenju.
03:21
I said, "Before you were bornrođen,
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Rekla sam, "Prije nego što si rođen,
03:23
it was just your mommama and dadtata,
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bili su samo tvoji mama i tata,
03:25
or mommama and mommyMama.
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ili mama i mama.
03:27
Can you tell me how you camedošao
into the familyobitelj?"
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Možeš li mi reći kako si ti došao u obitelj?"
03:31
And they explainedobjašnjen.
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I oni su objasnili.
03:33
One said,
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Jedno je dijete reklo,
03:35
"My parentsroditelji did not have good seedssjemenke,
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"Moji roditelji nisu imali dobro sjeme,
03:38
but there are friendlyprijateljski menmuškarci out there
who have sparerezervni seedssjemenke.
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ali postoje ljubazni muškarci
koji imaju viška sjemena.
03:43
They bringdonijeti them to the hospitalbolnica,
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Dovedu ih u bolnicu,
03:45
and they put them in a bigvelika jarstaklenka.
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i stave ih u veliku staklenku.
03:48
My mommyMama wentotišao there,
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Moja mama je išla tamo,
03:49
and she tookuzeo two from the jarstaklenka,
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i uzela je dva iz staklenke,
03:52
one for me and one for my sistersestra.
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jedno za mene i jedno za moju sestru.
03:55
She put the seedssjemenke in her bellytrbuh --
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Stavila je sjeme u svoj trbuh --
03:58
somehownekako --
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nekako --
04:00
and her bellytrbuh grewrastao really bigvelika,
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i trbuh je narastao jako velik,
04:02
and there I was."
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i tako sam ja došao."
04:05
HmmHmm.
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Hmm.
04:08
So only when they startedpočeo
mentioningspomenuti the donordonator,
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Tek kad su oni spomenuli donatora
04:12
I askedpitao questionspitanja about him,
usingkoristeći theirnjihov ownvlastiti wordsriječi.
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ja sam pitala za njega,
koristeći njihove riječi.
04:15
I said,
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Rekla sam,
04:17
"If this would be an applejabuka
for the friendlyprijateljski man with the seedssjemenke,
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"Ako je ovo jabuka za
ljubaznog čovjeka sa sjemenom,
04:21
what would you do with it?"
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što bi učinio s njom?"
04:24
And one boydječak was thinkingmišljenje out loudglasno,
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Jedan je dječak razmišljao naglas,
04:26
holdingdržanje the applejabuka.
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držeći jabuku.
04:27
And he said,
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Rekao je,
04:29
"I won'tnavika put this one
up there with the othersdrugi.
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"Neću je staviti gore s ostalima.
04:33
He's not partdio of my familyobitelj.
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On nije dio moje obitelji.
04:36
But I will not put him on the groundtlo.
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Ali neću ga staviti na zemlju.
04:38
That's too coldhladno and too hardteško.
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Tu je prehladno i preteško.
04:41
I think he should be in the trunkdeblo,
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Mislim da bi trebao biti u deblu,
04:44
because he madenapravljen my familyobitelj possiblemoguće.
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jer je omogućio moju obitelj.
04:47
If he would not have doneučinio this,
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Da on to nije učinio,
04:49
that would really be sadtužan
because my familyobitelj would not be here,
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to bi zbilja bilo tužno
jer moje obitelji ne bi bilo,
04:53
and I would not be here."
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i ne bi bilo mene."
04:57
So alsotakođer, parentsroditelji
constructedkonstruiran familyobitelj talespriče --
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Roditelji su stvorili obiteljske priče --
05:01
talespriče to tell theirnjihov childrendjeca.
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priče koje su ispričali djeci.
05:04
One couplepar explainedobjašnjen theirnjihov inseminationoplodnja
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Jedan par je objasnio njihovu oplodnju
05:07
by takinguzimanje theirnjihov childrendjeca to a farmfarma
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tako što su odveli djecu na farmu
05:11
to watch a vetveterinar inseminateosjemenjivanje cowskrave.
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da vide kako veterinar oplodi krave.
05:15
And why not?
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I zašto ne?
05:17
It's theirnjihov way of explainingobjašnjavajući;
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To je njihov način objašnjavanja,
05:19
theirnjihov do-it-yourselfUradi sam
with familyobitelj narrativespriče.
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njihov uradi-sam s obiteljskim pričama.
05:22
DIYDIY.
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Uradi-sam.
05:24
And we had anotherjoš couplepar
who madenapravljen booksknjige --
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Bio je jedan par koji je radio knjige --
05:26
a bookrezervirati for eachsvaki childdijete.
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jedna knjiga za svako dijete.
05:28
They were really worksdjela of artumjetnost
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Zaista su bila umjetnička djela.
05:30
containingkoji sadrži theirnjihov thoughtsmisli and feelingsosjećaji
throughoutkroz the treatmentliječenje.
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koja sadrže njihove misli i osjećaje
tijekom tretmana.
05:34
They even had the hospitalbolnica
parkingparkiralište ticketsulaznice in there.
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Čak su imali parkirne karte iz bolnice.
05:37
So it is DIYDIY:
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To je uradi-sam:
05:39
findingnalaz waysnačine, wordsriječi and imagesslika
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pronalaženje načina, riječi i slika
05:41
to tell your familyobitelj storypriča to your childdijete.
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da se obiteljska priča
ispriča svom djetetu.
05:45
And these storiespriče were highlyvisoko diversedrugačiji,
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Ove priče su vrlo raznolike,
05:48
but they all had one thing in commonzajednička:
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ali svima je jedno zajedničko:
05:53
it was a talepriča of longingčežnja for a childdijete
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to je priča o čežnji za djetetom
05:57
and a questpotraga for that childdijete.
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i potragom za njim.
06:00
It was about how specialposeban
and how deeplyduboko lovedvoljen theirnjihov childdijete was.
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Radi se o tome koliko je
njihovo dijete posebno i voljeno.
06:07
And researchistraživanje so fardaleko showspokazuje
that these childrendjeca are doing fine.
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A istraživanja zasad pokazuju
da je toj djeci dobro.
06:11
They do not have
more problemsproblemi than other kidsdjeca.
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Nemaju više problema od ostale djece.
06:14
YetJoš, these parentsroditelji alsotakođer wanted
to justifyopravdati theirnjihov decisionsodluke
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Ipak, ti su roditelji htjeli
opravdati svoje odluke
06:19
throughkroz the talespriče they tell.
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kroz priče koje su ispričali.
06:21
They hopednadao that theirnjihov childrendjeca
would understandrazumjeti theirnjihov reasonsrazlozi
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Nadali su se da će djeca
razumjeti njihove razloge
06:24
for makingizrađivanje the familyobitelj in this way.
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da naprave obitelj na ovaj način.
06:27
UnderlyingKojima se temelji was a fearstrah
that theirnjihov childrendjeca mightmoć disapproveNe odobravam
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U pozadini je strah
da njihova djeca neće odobravati
06:31
and would rejectodbijanje the non-geneticsobe-genetski parentroditelj.
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i da će odbaciti roditelja s kojim
nisu u srodstvu.
06:34
And that fearstrah is understandableRazumljivo,
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Taj strah je razumljiv,
06:37
because we liveživjeti in a very heteronormativeheteronormative
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jer živimo u vrlo heteronormativnom
06:40
and geneticizedgeneticized societydruštvo --
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i genetiziranom društvu --
06:42
a worldsvijet that still believesvjeruje
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u svijetu koji još vjeruje
06:43
that truepravi familiesobitelji consistsastojati
of one mommama, one dadtata
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da pravu obitelj čini
jedna majka, jedan otac
06:48
and theirnjihov geneticallygenetski relatedpovezan childrendjeca.
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i njihova genetski srodna djeca.
06:51
Well.
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Dakle.
06:54
I want to tell you about a teenagetinejdžerski boydječak.
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Želim vam ispričati o jednom tinejdžeru.
06:57
He was donor-conceiveddonator zamišljen
but not partdio of our studystudija.
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Začet je uz pomoć donatora,
a nije dio našeg istraživanja.
07:00
One day, he had an argumentargument
with his fatherotac,
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Jednog dana, posvađao se s ocem,
07:03
and he yelledviknuo,
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i viknuo je,
07:05
"You're tellingreći me what to do?
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"Ti mi govoriš što da radim?
07:07
You're not even my fatherotac!"
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Ti mi čak ni nisi otac!"
07:11
That was exactlytočno what
the parentsroditelji in our studystudija fearedbojao.
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To je bilo točno ono čega su se
roditelji u našem istraživanju bojali.
07:15
Now, the boydječak soonuskoro feltosjećala sorry,
and they madenapravljen up.
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No, nedugo zatim dječaku je bilo žao,
i pomirili su se.
07:19
But it is the reactionreakcija of his fatherotac
that is mostnajviše interestingzanimljiv.
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A reakcija njegovog oca je ono
najzanimljivije.
07:24
He said,
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Rekao je,
07:25
"This outburstispad had nothing to do
with the lacknedostatak of a geneticgenetski linkveza.
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"Taj izljev nije imao nikakve veze
s nedostatkom genetske povezanosti."
07:31
It was about pubertypubertet --
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To je bio pubertet --
07:35
beingbiće difficulttežak.
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koji je težak.
07:36
It's what they do at that agedob.
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To oni rade u toj dobi.
07:38
It will passproći."
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Proći će."
07:41
What this man showspokazuje us
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Taj nam čovjek pokazuje
07:43
is that when something goeside wrongpogrešno,
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da kad nešto pođe po zlu,
07:46
we should not immediatelyodmah think
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ne trebamo odmah pomisliti
07:48
it is because the familyobitelj
is a little differentdrugačiji.
144
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2407
da je to jer je obitelj malo drugačija.
07:51
These things happendogoditi se in all familiesobitelji.
145
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3086
Takve stvari se događaju
u svim obiteljima.
07:55
And everysvaki now and then,
146
463936
1490
I svako malo,
07:57
all parentsroditelji maysvibanj wonderčudo:
147
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1677
svi se roditelji pitaju:
08:00
Am I a good enoughdovoljno parentroditelj?
148
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2029
Jesam li dovoljno dobar roditelj?
08:03
These parentsroditelji, too.
149
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1324
Ovi roditelji također.
08:05
They, aboveiznad all, wanted to do
what's bestnajbolje for theirnjihov childdijete.
150
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4093
Oni, iznad svega, žele činiti
što je najbolje za njihovo dijete.
08:09
But they alsotakođer sometimesponekad wonderedpitala:
151
477748
1895
Ali i oni su se ponekad upitali:
08:12
Am I a realstvaran parentroditelj?
152
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Jesam li ja pravi roditelj?
08:14
And theirnjihov uncertaintiesneizvjesnosti were presentpredstaviti
long before they even were parentsroditelji.
153
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3969
A njihove nesigurnosti su postojale
prije nego što su uopće postali roditelji.
08:18
At the startpočetak of treatmentliječenje,
154
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1432
Na početku tretmana,
08:19
when they first saw the counselorsavjetnik,
155
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1715
kad su prvi put vidjeli savjetnika,
08:22
they paidplaćen closeblizu attentionpažnja
to the counselorsavjetnik,
156
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2695
strogo su obraćali pozornost na savjetnika
08:24
because they wanted to do it right.
157
492865
2007
jer su to željeli učiniti na pravi način.
08:27
Even 10 yearsgodina laterkasnije,
158
495853
1478
Čak 10 godina poslije,
08:30
they still rememberzapamtiti
the advicesavjet they were givendan.
159
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2619
i dalje se sjećaju savjeta koje su dobili.
08:36
So when they thought about the counselorsavjetnik
160
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Kad pomisle na savjetnika
08:40
and the advicesavjet they were givendan,
161
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1799
i savjete koje su dobili,
08:42
we discussedraspravljati that.
162
510677
1163
o tome smo raspravili.
08:43
And we saw one lesbianlezbijka couplepar who said,
163
511864
3564
Vidjeli smo i jedan lezbijski par
koji je rekao,
08:48
"When our sonsin askspita us,
164
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1604
"Kad nas naš sin pita
08:50
'Do I have a dadtata?'
165
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2049
"Imam li ja oca?",
08:53
we will say 'No' Ne, you do not have a dadtata.'
166
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2812
mi ćemo odgovoriti "Ne, ti nemaš oca."
08:56
But we will say nothing more,
not unlessosim ako he askspita,
167
524839
3068
Ali nećemo reći ništa više,
dok nas ne pita,
09:00
because he mightmoć not be readyspreman for that.
168
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2028
jer možda neće biti spreman za to.
09:02
The counselorsavjetnik said so."
169
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1500
Savjetnik je tako rekao.
09:05
Well.
170
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1170
Pa.
09:07
I don't know; that's quitedosta differentdrugačiji
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1902
Ne znam; to je dosta drugačije
09:09
from how we respondodgovarati
to children'sdječji questionspitanja.
172
537017
2693
od načina na koji odgovaramo
na dječja pitanja.
09:12
Like, "MilkMlijeko -- is that madenapravljen in a factorytvornica?"
173
540473
2801
Na primjer, "Mlijeko --
pravi li se u tvornici?"
09:15
We will say, "No, it comesdolazi from cowskrave,"
174
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3162
Reći ćemo, "Ne, dolazi od krava,"
09:18
and we will talk about the farmerseljak,
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1756
i pričat ćemo o farmeru,
09:20
and the way the milkmlijeko endskrajevi up in the shopdućan.
176
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2223
i kako mlijeko završi u trgovini.
09:23
We will not say,
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1547
Nećemo reći,
09:26
"No, milkmlijeko is not madenapravljen in a factorytvornica."
178
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3608
"Ne, mlijeko se ne pravi u tvornici."
09:32
So something strangečudan happeneddogodilo here,
179
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2430
Nešto se čudno dogodilo ovdje,
09:34
and of coursenaravno these childrendjeca noticedprimijetio that.
180
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2358
i naravno da su ova djeca to primijetila.
09:37
One boydječak said,
181
565571
1285
Jedan je dječak rekao,
09:39
"I askedpitao my parentsroditelji loadsopterećenja of questionspitanja,
182
567445
2392
"Postavio sam roditeljima puno pitanja,
09:41
but they acteddjelovao really weirdčudan.
183
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1809
ali oni su se ponašali čudno.
09:44
So, you know, I have a friendprijatelj at schoolškola,
and she's madenapravljen in the sameisti way.
184
572788
3944
Pa, znate, imam prijateljicu u školi,
napravljena je na isti način.
09:49
When I have a questionpitanje,
I just go and askpitati her."
185
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3000
Kad imam pitanje,
ja pitam nju."
09:53
CleverPametan guy.
186
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1208
Pametan dečko.
09:55
ProblemProblem solvedriješen.
187
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1297
Problem riješen.
09:57
But his parentsroditelji did not noticeobavijest,
188
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2584
Ali njegovi roditelji nisu primijetili,
10:00
and it certainlysigurno was not
what they had in mindum,
189
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2582
a sigurno nisu tako zamislili,
10:03
norni what the counselorsavjetnik had in mindum
190
591481
1934
niti je to savjetnik zamislio
10:05
when they were sayingizreka how importantvažno
it is to be an open-communicationotvorena komunikacija familyobitelj.
191
593439
5197
kad su govorili kako je važno
biti obitelj s otvorenom komunikacijom.
10:12
And that's the strangečudan thing about advicesavjet.
192
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2254
To je čudna stvar u vezi savjeta.
10:14
When we offerponuda people pillstablete,
we gatherokupiti evidencedokaz first.
193
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3296
Kad ljudima dajemo tablete
prvo skupimo dokaze.
10:18
We do teststestovi,
194
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1256
Provedemo testiranja,
10:19
we do follow-updaljnji rad studiesstudije.
195
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1301
naknadna istraživanja.
10:21
We want to know, and rightlys pravom so,
what this pillpilula is doing
196
609141
3927
Želimo znati, i s pravom,
što ta tableta čini
10:25
and how it affectsutječe people'snarodno livesživot.
197
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2496
i kako utječe na živote ljudi.
10:28
And advicesavjet?
198
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1321
A savjet?
10:30
It is not enoughdovoljno for advicesavjet,
199
618748
1846
Za savjet nije dovoljno,
10:32
or for professionalsprofesionalci to give advicesavjet
that is theoreticallyteoretski soundzvuk,
200
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4823
ili za stručnjake da daju savjet
koji je teoretski čvrst,
10:37
or well-meantdobronamjernu.
201
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1301
ili u dobroj namjeri.
10:39
It should be advicesavjet
that there is evidencedokaz for --
202
627447
3381
Trebali bi se davati savjeti
za koje postoje dokazi --
10:42
evidencedokaz that it actuallyzapravo
improvespoboljšava patients'pacijenata livesživot.
203
630852
3901
dokazi da zaista poboljšavaju
živote pacijenata.
10:48
So the philosopherfilozof in me
would now like to offerponuda you a paradoxparadoks:
204
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4563
Filozofkinja u meni
bi vam željela ponuditi paradoks:
10:54
I advisesavjetovati you to stop followingsljedeći advicesavjet.
205
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4084
Savjetujem vam da prestanete
slijediti savjete.
10:59
But, yes.
206
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1392
Ali, da.
11:02
(ApplausePljesak)
207
650221
2917
(Pljesak)
11:06
I will not endkraj here with what wentotišao wrongpogrešno;
208
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2563
Neću završiti s
onim što je pošlo po zlu:
11:09
I would not be doing justicepravda
to the warmthtoplinu we foundpronađeno in those familiesobitelji.
209
657178
4236
Ne bi bilo pravedno prema toplini
koju smo pronašli u tim obiteljima.
11:14
RememberSjećam se the booksknjige
and the tripputovanje to the farmerseljak?
210
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2630
Sjećate se knjiga i puta na farmu?
11:17
When parentsroditelji do things that work for them,
211
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3614
Kad roditelji čine stvari
koje kod njih funkcioniraju
11:21
they do brilliantsjajan things.
212
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1573
čine sjajne stvari.
11:24
What I want you to rememberzapamtiti
as membersčlanovi of familiesobitelji,
213
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3643
Želim da zapamtite,
kao članovi obitelji,
11:28
in no matterstvar what formoblik or shapeoblik,
214
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2491
u bilo kojem obliku,
11:30
is that what familiesobitelji need
are warmtoplo relationshipsodnosa.
215
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5347
da obitelji trebaju tople veze.
11:37
And we do not need to be
professionalsprofesionalci to createstvoriti those.
216
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3461
A mi ne trebamo biti
stručnjaci da ih stvorimo.
11:41
MostVećina of us do just fine,
217
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2302
Većini među nama ide dobro,
11:44
althoughiako it maysvibanj be hardteško work,
218
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1709
iako to može biti naporno,
11:47
and from time to time,
we can do with some advicesavjet.
219
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2870
i s vremena na vrijeme,
dobro bi nam došao savjet.
11:51
In that casespis,
220
699209
1271
U tom slučaju,
11:52
bearsnositi in mindum threetri things.
221
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2023
imajte na umu tri stvari.
11:55
Work with advicesavjet
that worksdjela for your familyobitelj.
222
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3287
Radite sa savjetom koji
funkcionira za vašu obitelj.
12:00
RememberSjećam se -- you're the expertstručnjak,
because you liveživjeti your familyobitelj life.
223
708008
5478
Zapamtite -- vi ste stručnjak,
jer vi živite svoj obiteljski život.
12:06
And finallykonačno,
224
714681
1284
I na kraju,
12:08
believe in your abilitiessposobnosti
and your creativitykreativnost,
225
716478
3990
vjerujte u svoje sposobnosti
i svoju kreativnost,
12:13
because you can do it yourselfsami.
226
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3345
jer možete uspjeti sami.
12:17
Thank you.
227
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1154
Hvala.
(Pljesak)
12:18
(ApplausePljesak)
228
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6478
Translated by Viktorija Viki
Reviewed by Ivan Stamenkovic

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Veerle Provoost - Bioethicist
Veerle Provoost studies genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Why you should listen

Veerle Provoost is a professor at the Bioethics Institute Ghent of Ghent University and a member of the Network on Ethics of Families. For her current research she coordinates a team of researchers who work on a study about genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Using empirical research methods and Socratic conversation techniques, Provoost studies how professionals and ordinary people reason about health and how they make decisions in health-related contexts. In her courses on empirical research methods for ethics and bioethics, she teaches students how to look beyond mere experiences or general attitudes and to explore the principles and values that guide people's reasoning and decision-making. Her research shows that patients may bring their own sets of principles when making medical decisions, principles that may be very different from what medical staff anticipated and may feature around moral elements that may completely escape the attention of ethicists. For one, the moral reasoning of everyday people is centered more around relationships than around the principles that are at the core of scholarly bioethics.

In her talk TEDxGhent talk, she explains how we can gain valuable insights from families of children conceived with donor sperm and their views about what a family really is. These alternative families teach us what matters most in the decisions we all make for our children, whether or not they are genetically related to us. The parents and children she studied created their own family stories (about how their families were made) in highly diverse but very creative ways. However, some parents thought that they should strictly follow the advice of experts in their communication with their children. Because of that, they discounted their own competence. Based on her research experience, Provoost warns us for the negative effects of problematizing these families. Because no matter what a family looks like, or how it is made, parents should believe in their abilities and their creativity. As they know their families best, they are the real experts in how to find the best way to tell their own family story to their own child.

More profile about the speaker
Veerle Provoost | Speaker | TED.com