TEDxSummit
Maz Jobrani: A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar ...
Mazs Džobrani: Katariešu bārā ienāk saudu arābietis, indietis un irānis …
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Irāņu-amerikāņu komiķis Mazs Džobrani aizved uz TEDxSummit skatuvi Dohā, Katarā un stājas pretim nopietnajām Tuvo Austrumu problēmām — piemēram, cik bučas jādod sasveicinoties un ko labāk neteikt amerikāņu lidmašīnās.
Maz Jobrani - Comedian
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
A founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:16
Hello, Doha. Hello. Salaam alaikum.
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Sveiki, Doha. Sveki. Asalamu alaikum.
00:22
I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place.
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Man patīk ierasties Dohā. Tā ir tik starptautiska vieta.
00:26
This is like -- it feels like the United Nations just here.
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Tātad sajūta it kā te būtu Apvienotās Nācijas.
00:30
You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady
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Jūs piezemējaties lidostā un jūs sagaida indiete,
00:32
who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady
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kas jūs aizved uz Al Maha Services, kur satiekat filipīnieti,
00:37
who hands you off to a South African lady
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kas tālāk jūs nodod dienvidāfrikānietei,
00:39
who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to
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kas tad jūs aizved līdz korejietim, kas jūs aizved
00:41
a Pakistani guy with the luggage
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līdz pakistāniešu puisim ar bagāžu,
00:44
who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan.
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kas aizved jūs līdz mašīnai ar šrilankieti.
00:45
You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese.
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Jūs dodaties uz viesnīcu un piereģistrējaties. Pretim stāv lībietis.
00:48
Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.
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Ja? Tad zviedrs ierādīja man manu istabu.
00:52
I said, "Where are the Qataris?" (Laughter)
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Es jautāju: „Kur ir katarieši?” (Smiekli)
00:55
(Applause)
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(Aplausi)
00:58
They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart."
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Viņš atbild: „Nē, nē, ir par karsu. Viņi parādās vēlāk. Viņi ir gudri.”
01:01
(Laughter) "They know."
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(Smiekli) „Viņi zina.”
01:05
And of course it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains.
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Viss virzās uz priekšu tik ātri, dažreiz cilvēki netiek tam visam līdzi.
01:08
You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think
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Kā dažreiz saskrienoties ar cilvēkiem, kas, jūsuprāt,
01:11
know the city well, but they don't know it that well.
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pilsētu labi pazīst, taču īstenībā to nemaz tik labi nepazīst.
01:14
My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,
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Mans indiešu taksists parādījās pie W,
01:16
and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton,
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un es paprasīju viņam mani aizvest uz Šeratonu,
01:19
and he said, "No problem, sir."
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un viņš teica: „Nekādu problēmu, kungs.”
01:21
And then we sat there for two minutes.
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Tad mēs tur sēdējām divas minūtes.
01:24
I said, "What's wrong?"He said, "One problem, sir."
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Es jautāju: „Kas noticis?” „Viena problēma, kungs.”
01:27
I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
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„Kas?” es vaicāju. „Kur tas ir?”, viņš jautā.
01:28
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
01:31
I go, "You're the driver, you should know."He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
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„Tu esi vadītājs, tev būtu jāzina”, es saku.
Viņš: „Nē, kungs, es tikko ierados.”
Viņš: „Nē, kungs, es tikko ierados.”
01:36
I go, "You just arrived at the W?""No, I just arrived in Doha, sir.
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Es: „Tu tikko ieradies pie „W”?”
Viņš: „Nē, kungs, es tikko ierados Dohā.”
Viņš: „Nē, kungs, es tikko ierados Dohā.”
01:40
I was on my way home from the airport. I got a job.
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Es devos mājās no lidostas. Es dabūju darbu.
01:42
I'm working already."
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Es jau strādāju.”
01:45
He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
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Viņš: „Kungs, kāpēc gan lai jūs nebrauktu?”
01:48
I go, "I don't know where we're going."
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Es: „Es nezinu, kurp mums jādodas.”
01:50
"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."
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„Es arī nē. Tas būs kā būs piedzīvojums, kungs.”
01:55
It is an adventure. The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple years.
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Tas ir piedzīvojums. Dzīve Tuvajos Austrumos pēdējos gadus ir bijusi kā piedzīvojums.
01:58
The Middle East is going crazy with the Arab Spring
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Tuvie Austrumi jūk prātā ar arābu pavasari,
02:01
and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight?
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revolūcijām un visu pārējo. Vai te šovakar ir kāds lībietis?
02:03
Any Lebanese by applause? (Applause) Lebanese.
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Kāds aplaudēs par lībiešiem? (Aplausi) Lībieši.
02:05
Yeah. The Middle East is going crazy.
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Jā, Tuvie Austrumi jūk prātā.
02:08
You know the Middle East is going crazy
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Jūs zināt, ka Tuvie Austrumi jūk prātā,
02:10
when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.
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kad Lībija ir vismierīgākā vieta reģionā.
02:12
(Laughter) (Applause)
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(Smiekli) (Aplausi)
02:15
Who would have thought? Oh my gosh.
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Kas gan to būtu domājis. Jēziņ.
02:20
No. There's serious issues in the region.
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Nē. Reģionā ir nopietnas problēmas.
02:22
Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight.
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Daži cilvēki par tām nevēlās runāt. Es esmu te, lai par tām šovakar runātu.
02:26
Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,
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Tuvo Austrumu dāmas un kungi,
02:28
here's a serious issue. When we see each other,
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ir nopietna problēma. Vienam otru satiekot,
02:29
when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?
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kad mēs sveicināmies, cik bučas mēs dosim?
02:35
Every country is different and it's confusing, okay?
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Katra valsts ir citādāka un tas ir mulsinoši, vai ne?
02:37
In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two.
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Lībijā tās ir trīs. Ēģiptē viņi dod divas.
02:41
I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.
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Es biju Lībijā, tādēļ pieradu pie trim.
02:43
I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy,
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Es devos uz Ēģipti un sveicinājos ar vienu ēģiptiešu pusi.
02:46
I went, one, two. I went for three. He wasn't into it.
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Devu pirmo. otro buču, tad arī trešo. Viņš nebija īpašā sajūsmā.
02:50
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
02:54
I told him, I said, "No, no, no, I was just in Lebanon."
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Es viņam teicu: „Nē, nē, nē, es tikko biju Lībijā.”
02:57
He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please. Just stay where you are."
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Viņš: „Man vienalga, kur tu biji. Lūdzu, paliec, kur esi. Vienkārši paliec, kur esi.”
03:04
I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,
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Es devos uz Saudu Arābiju. Saudu Arābijā, viņi dara šādi, viens, divi
03:07
and then they stay on the same side -- three, four, five, six,
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un tad viņi paliek tajā pašā pusē — trīs, četri, pieci, seši,
03:10
seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
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septiņi, astoņi, deviņi, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
03:14
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
03:18
Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.
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Nākamreiz, kad ieraugiet saudu arābieti, vērīgi ieskatāties. Viņi ir nedaudz šķībi.
03:23
"Abdul, are you okay?""Yeah, I was saying hello for half an hour.
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„Abdul, viss kārtībā?” „Jā, es tikko pusstundu sveicinājos.
03:24
I'm going to be all right."
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Būs jau labi.”
03:28
Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.
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Katarieši, jūs atspiežat degunu pret degunu.
03:32
Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?
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Kādēļ tā? Vai esat pārāk piekusuši, lai padarītu līdz galam?
03:36
"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello.
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„Habibi, ir baigi karsts. Panāc uz mirkli. Sasveicinies ar mani.
03:39
Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there please.
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Sveiks, Habibi. Nekusties. Lūdzu, paliec kur esi.
03:41
I need to rest."
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Man jāatvelk elpa.”
03:45
Every country — Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three.
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Katrā valstī, irāņi, mēs dažreiz dodam divas, dažreiz trīs.
03:48
A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution,
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Draugs man paskaidroja, pirms 79. gada revolūcijas
03:51
it was two. After the revolution, three.
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bija divas. Pēc revolūcijas — trīs.
03:55
So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on
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Tādēļ ar irāņiem jūs varat pateikt, kura pusē viņš ir,
03:58
based on the number of kisses they give you.
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atkarībā no tā, cik bučas viņi jums dod.
04:00
Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime
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Jā, jūs dodat vienu, divas, trīs... „Es nespēju noticēt, ka tu ar savām trim bučām
04:04
with your three kisses."
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atbalsti šo režīmu.”
04:09
But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here,
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Nē, te atrasties ir bijis patiešām aizraujoši
04:12
and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally,
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un kā jau teicu, jūs daudz darāt kultūras ziņā,
04:15
you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image
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tas ir apbrīnojami un tas palīdz mainīt Tuvo Austrumu tēlu
04:17
of the Middle East in the West. Like a lot of Americans
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Rietumos. Daudzi amerikāņi, piemēram,
04:20
don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East.
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neko daudz par mums, par Tuvajiem Austrumiem, nezina.
04:23
I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here.
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Es esmu irānis un amerikānis. Es esmu šeit. Esmu te atceļojis.
04:26
There's so much, we laugh, right?
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Tik daudz kas, par ko smieties, vai ne?
04:28
People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,
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Cilvēki nezina, kā mēs smejamies. Uzstājoties „Axis of Evil” komēdijas tūrē,
04:31
it came out on Comedy Central, I went online
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to rādīja par Comedy Central. Es iegāju Internetā,
04:33
to see what people were saying about it. I ended up on a conservative website.
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lai redzētu, ko cilvēki par to runā. Es nonācu kādā konservatīvākā tīmekļa lapā.
04:36
One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed."
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Viens cilvēks uzrakstīja otram. „Es nezināju, ka šie cilvēki vispār smejas,” viņš rakstīja.
04:40
Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right?
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Padomājiet par to. Jūs nekad neredzat mūs smejamies amerikāņu filmās vai raidījumos, vai ne?
04:44
Maybe like an evil -- like, "Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Laughter)
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Varbūt vienīgi ļauni, kā: „Ahahaha, ahahaha. (Smiekli)
04:48
I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."
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Es tevi nogalināšu Allaha vārdā, ahahahahaha.”
04:52
But never like, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
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Taču nekad: „ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”
04:56
We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life.
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Mums patīk smieties. Mums patīk baudīt dzīvi.
04:59
And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends:
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Es vēlot kaut vairāk amerikāņu te ierastos. Es vienmēr mudinu savus draugus:
05:02
Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people.
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Ceļojiet, apskatiet Tuvos Austrumus, te ir tik daudz ko redzēt, tik daudz labu cilvēku.
05:04
And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems
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Un otrādi, tas novērš
05:08
of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.
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nesaprašanās problēmas un stereotipus.
05:11
For example, I don't know if you heard about this,
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Piemēram, nezinu, vai ko tādu esat dzirdējuši,
05:13
a little while ago in the U.S. there was a Muslim family
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pirms kāda laiciņa ASV bija kāda musulmaņu ģimene,
05:16
walking down the aisle of an airplane
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kas gāja pa lidmašīnas eju un
05:18
talking about the safest place to sit on the plane.
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runāja par drošāko vietu, kur sēdēt lidmašīnā.
05:21
Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued
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Daži pasažieri viņus izdzirdēja, kaut kā nepareizi interpretēja
05:23
that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane.
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to kā teroristu sarunas un panāca, ka viņus izmet no lidmašīnas.
05:27
It was a family, a mother, father, child, walking down the aisle,
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Tā bija ģimene, māte, tēvs un bērns, kas gāja pa eju,
05:30
talking about the seating. Now as a Middle Eastern male,
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runādāmi par sēdvietām. Kā Tuvo Austrumu vīrietis,
05:32
I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say
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es zinu, ka ir konkrētas lietas, par kurām nav pieņemts runāt
05:34
on an airplane in the U.S., right?
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ASV lidmašīnā, vai ne?
05:37
I'm not supposed to be, like, walking down the aisle,
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Man nevajadzētu arī doties pa eju
05:38
and be like, "Hi, Jack." You know, that's not cool.
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un teikt „Hei, Džek.” (hijack — 'nolaupīt'). Tas nav forši.
05:42
Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say,
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Pat ja esmu tur ar draugu, kuru sauc Džeks, es saku:
05:44
"Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."
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„Sveiks, Džek. Sveicināts, Džek.”
05:47
Never "Hi, Jack."
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Nekad „Hei, Džek.”
05:49
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
05:52
But now apparently we can't even talk about
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Taču nu acīmredzot mēs nevaram pat runāt
05:53
the safest place to sit on an airplane.
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par drošāko vietu, kur sēdēt lidmašīnā.
05:56
So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends
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Tādēļ mans padoms visiem maniem Tuvo Austrumu un musulmaņu draugiem,
05:59
and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim,
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un visiem, kuri izskatās arābiski vai musulmaniski,
06:00
so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone,
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tātad jums, indieši, latīņamerikāņi, visiem,
06:04
if you're brown --
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ja esat brūns,
06:07
here's my advice to my brown friends.
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lūk, mans padoms visiem maniem brūnajiem draugiem.
06:10
The next time you're on an airplane in the U.S.,
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Nākamreiz, kad ASV esat lidostā
06:13
just speak your mother tongue.
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vienkārši runājiet savā dzimtajā valodā.
06:14
That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.
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Tā neviens nesapratīs, par ko runājat. Dzīve neapstājas.
06:18
Granted, some mother tongues might sound
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Saprotams, dažas valodas vidusmēra amerikānim
06:20
a little threatening to the average American, right?
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varētu izklausīties nedaudz biedējoši, vai ne?
06:22
If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic,
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Ja dodaties pa eju, runādams arābiski,
06:24
you might freak them out, if you're walking, "[Arabic],"
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jūs viņus varētu pārbiedēt, ja ejat,”
[arābiski],”
[arābiski],”
06:28
they might say, "What's he talking about?"
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viņi varētu nodomāt: „Ko gan viņš tur runā?”
06:30
So the key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,
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Tādēļ galvenais, mani arābu brāļi un māsas,
06:32
you gotta throw in random good words to put people at ease
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jums, dodoties pa eju, pa vidam vajag izteikt kaut kādus labus vārdus,
06:35
as you're walking down the aisle.
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lai cilvēkus nomierinātu.
06:36
Just as you're walking down: "[Imitating Arabic] --
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Jums ejot: „[Atdarina arābu valodu]
06:39
strawberry!"
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zemene!”
06:40
(Laughter)
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(Smiekli)
06:47
"[Imitating Arabic] -- rainbow!"
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„[Atdarina arābu valodu] — varavīksne!”
06:52
"[Imitating Arabic] -- Tutti Frutti!"
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„[Atdarina arābu valodu] — Tutti Frutti!”
06:55
"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."
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„Viņš laikam plāno nolaupīt lidmašīnu ar saldējumu.”
06:59
Thank you very much. Have a good night.
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Liels paldies. Jauku vakaru.
07:00
Thank you, TED. (Cheers) (Applause)
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Paldies, TED. (Ovācijas) (Aplausi)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Maz Jobrani - ComedianA founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, Iranian-American comedian Maz Jobrani is now touring with his second solo comedy show, Browner and Friendlier.
Why you should listen
Maz Jobrani is an actor and comedian who starred on the Axis of Evil Middle East Comedy Tour, a groundbreaking tour of the US and Middle Eastern countries, where it sold out 27 shows in Dubai, Beirut, Cairo, Kuwait and Amman. The Axis of Evil Comedy Central Special premiered in 2007 as, arguably, the first show on American TV with an all-Middle Eastern/American cast. In 2009 Jobrani performed in his first solo world tour, called Maz Jobrani: Brown and Friendly, and is currently following up this tour with a second, titled Browner and Friendlier.
Jobrani's comedy pulls from his background as an Iran-born kid raised in Northern California. He pokes fun at cultural stereotypes of all kinds -- starting with the stereotype that Middle Eastern actors can only play a few kinds of roles in Hollywood. He's been working to develop rich characters in a variety of TV shows and films. His next project: Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero, described as a cross between a Middle Eastern Pink Panther and Bend It Like Beckham.
Maz Jobrani | Speaker | TED.com