TED2006
Helen Fisher: Why we love, why we cheat
Helen Fischer opowiada dlaczego kochamy i zdradzamy
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Antropolożka Helen Fisher podejmuje ciekawy temat - miłość - i tłumaczy jej ewolucję, podstawy biochemiczne i znaczenie społeczne. Temat zamyka ostrzeżeniem potencjalnej katastrofy związanej z nadużywaniem antydepresantów.
Helen Fisher - Anthropologist, expert on love
Anthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She’s best known as an expert on romantic love. Full bio
Anthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She’s best known as an expert on romantic love. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
Opowiem dziś o dwóch najważniejszych trendach społecznych nadchodzącego stulecia
00:25
I'd like to talk today
about the two biggest social trends
about the two biggest social trends
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00:30
in the coming century,
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00:31
and perhaps in the next 10,000 years.
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a być może najbliższych 10 tys. lat.
Zacznę od pracy nt. romantycznej miłości,
00:34
But I want to start
with my work on romantic love,
with my work on romantic love,
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00:38
because that's my most recent work.
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ponieważ tym zajmowałam się ostatnio.
Podłączyliśmy 32 szaleńczo zakochane osoby
00:41
What I and my colleagues did was put
32 people, who were madly in love,
32 people, who were madly in love,
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00:45
into a functional MRI brain scanner.
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do skanera rezonansu magnetycznego mózgu.
17 osób było zakochanych z wzajemnością,
00:48
17 who were madly in love
and their love was accepted;
and their love was accepted;
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a 15 właśnie dostało kosza.
00:51
and 15 who were madly in love
and they had just been dumped.
and they had just been dumped.
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Później przejdę do przemyśleń,
00:54
And so I want to tell you
about that first,
about that first,
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w jakim kierunku zmierza miłość.
00:57
and then go on into where
I think love is going.
I think love is going.
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01:01
(Laughter)
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01:03
"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said.
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"Cóż znaczy, kochać?", mówił Szekspir.
Ludzie zastanawiali się nad tym od zawsze,
01:07
I think our ancestors --
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01:09
I think human beings have been
wondering about this question
wondering about this question
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siedząc przy ognisku albo patrząc w gwiazdy.
01:13
since they sat around their campfires
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01:15
or lay and watched
the stars a million years ago.
the stars a million years ago.
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01:19
I started out by trying to figure out
what romantic love was
what romantic love was
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Próbowałam zrozumieć romantyczną miłość
analizując ostatnie 45 lat badań psychologicznych.
01:22
by looking at the last 45 years
of the psychological research
of the psychological research
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01:28
and as it turns out,
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Okazuje się, że zakochaniu towarzyszą specyficzne zjawiska.
01:29
there's a very specific group of things
that happen when you fall in love.
that happen when you fall in love.
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Po pierwsze, obiekt uczucia nabiera,
01:34
The first thing that happens is,
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01:36
a person begins to take on
what I call, "special meaning."
what I call, "special meaning."
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jak to nazywam, "specjalnego znaczenia".
Pewien kierowca ciężąrówki ujął to tak:
01:40
As a truck driver once said to me,
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"Cały świat skupił się wokół Mary Anne."
01:42
"The world had a new center,
and that center was Mary Anne."
and that center was Mary Anne."
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01:46
George Bernard Shaw said it differently.
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Słowami G.B. Shaw: "Miłość to przecenianie różnic między kobietami".
Słowami G.B. Shaw: "Miłość to przecenianie różnic między kobietami".
01:48
"Love consists of overestimating
the differences
the differences
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01:51
between one woman and another."
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I tak właśnie robimy. (Śmiech)
01:53
And indeed, that's what we do.
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01:55
(Laughter)
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01:58
And then you just focus on this person.
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Skupiamy się na tej osobie.
02:01
You can list what you
don't like about them,
don't like about them,
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Możemy wymieniać wady,
by zaraz skupić się na zaletach.
02:04
but then you sweep that aside
and focus on what you do.
and focus on what you do.
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02:07
As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."
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Chaucer powiedział: "Miłość jest ślepa".
02:11
In trying to understand romantic love,
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Próbując zrozumieć romantyczną miłość,
02:13
I decided I would read poetry
from all over the world,
from all over the world,
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czytałam poezję z całego świata.
02:16
and I just want to give
you one very short poem
you one very short poem
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Chcę zacytować króciutki wiersz z VIII-wiecznych Chin.
02:19
from eighth-century China,
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Świetny przykład skupienia się na konkretnej kobiecie.
02:20
because it's an almost perfect example
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02:22
of a man who is focused totally
on a particular woman.
on a particular woman.
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To tak, jakby ktoś szalenie zakochany
02:26
It's a little bit like when you are
madly in love with somebody
madly in love with somebody
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wchodził na parking.
02:29
and you walk into a parking lot --
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Samochód ukochanej różni się od pozostałych.
02:31
their car is different
from every other car in the parking lot.
from every other car in the parking lot.
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Jej kieliszek wina jest inny od reszty.
02:34
Their wine glass at dinner
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02:36
is different from every other wine glass
at the dinner party.
at the dinner party.
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02:39
And in this case, a man got hooked
on a bamboo sleeping mat.
on a bamboo sleeping mat.
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Tutaj zakochanego zaprząta bambusowa mata do spania.
Autorem jest facet o nazwisku Yuan Chen.
02:44
And it goes like this.
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02:45
It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen.
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"Bambusowa mata, nie mogę wypuścić jej z rąk.
02:48
"I cannot bear to put away
the bamboo sleeping mat.
the bamboo sleeping mat.
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Patrzyłem, jak ją rozwijasz w tamtą pierwszą noc."
02:51
The night I brought you home,
I watched you roll it out."
I watched you roll it out."
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Sfiksował na punkcie maty,
02:55
He became hooked on a sleeping mat,
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pewnie przez podniesioną aktywność dopaminy,
02:57
probably because of elevated activity
of dopamine in his brain,
of dopamine in his brain,
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podobnie jak u wszystkich ludzi.
03:00
just like with you and me.
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Obiekt uczuć nabiera specjalnego znaczenia.
03:02
But anyway, not only does this person
take on special meaning,
take on special meaning,
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Skupiasz na niej uwagę. Wywyższasz.
03:05
you focus your attention on them.
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03:07
You aggrandize them.
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Rozpiera cię energia.
03:09
But you have intense energy.
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Pewien Polinezyjczyk chciał "skakać aż pod niebo".
03:11
As one Polynesian said,
"I felt like jumping in the sky."
"I felt like jumping in the sky."
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Nie śpisz całą noc. Chodzisz aż do świtu.
03:15
You're up all night.
You're walking till dawn.
You're walking till dawn.
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Roznosi cię euforia, gdy wszystko idzie dobrze,
03:18
You feel intense elation
when things are going well;
when things are going well;
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wpadasz w czarną rozpacz, gdy idzie źle.
03:21
mood swings into horrible despair
when things are going poorly.
when things are going poorly.
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Uzależniasz się od tej osoby.
03:24
Real dependence on this person.
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Biznesmenowi z Nowego Jorku podobało się "wszystko to, co jej".
03:27
As one businessman in New York said to me,
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03:29
"Anything she liked, I liked."
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Romantyczna miłość jest bardzo prosta.
03:32
Simple. Romantic love is very simple.
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03:35
You become extremely sexually possessive.
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Stajesz się zaborczy seksualnie.
03:37
You know, if you're just sleeping
with somebody casually,
with somebody casually,
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Sypiając z kimś bez zaangażowania,
03:40
you don't really care
if they're sleeping with somebody else.
if they're sleeping with somebody else.
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nie dbasz czy sypia też z innymi.
Ale gdy się zakochasz,
03:43
But the moment you fall in love,
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stajesz się zaborczy.
03:45
you become extremely
sexually possessive of them.
sexually possessive of them.
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Myślę, że powód jest darwinistyczny.
03:47
I think there's a Darwinian
purpose to this.
purpose to this.
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03:50
The whole point of this
is to pull two people together
is to pull two people together
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Chodzi o zbliżenie pary tak,
by razem zaczęli wychowywać dzieci.
03:53
strongly enough to begin
to rear babies as a team.
to rear babies as a team.
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03:57
But the main characteristics
of romantic love are craving:
of romantic love are craving:
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Główna cecha miłości to pożądanie,
04:00
an intense craving
to be with a particular person,
to be with a particular person,
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chęć bycia razem, seksualnie i emocjonalnie.
04:04
not just sexually, but emotionally.
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04:06
It would be nice to go to bed with them,
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Chętnie pójdziesz też do łóżka,
ale ważniejsze, żeby zadzwonił, zaprosił itp.
04:10
but you want them to call you
on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,
on the telephone, to invite you out, etc.,
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04:14
to tell you that they love you.
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Żeby powiedział, że cię kocha.
04:17
The other main characteristic
is motivation.
is motivation.
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Inna główna cecha to motywacja.
Odpala silnik w głowie i pragniesz tej osoby.
04:22
The motor in the brain begins to crank,
and you want this person.
and you want this person.
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04:25
And last but not least,
it is an obsession.
it is an obsession.
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I, wreszcie, jest to obsesja.
Zanim podłączyłam badanych do MRI,
04:28
Before I put these people
in the MRI machine,
in the MRI machine,
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04:32
I would ask them all kinds of questions.
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zadawałam im przeróżne pytania.
04:34
But my most important question
was always the same.
was always the same.
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Najważniejsze było zawsze takie samo.
"Ile procent dnia i nocy myślisz o tej osobie?"
04:37
It was: "What percentage of the day
and night do you think about this person?"
and night do you think about this person?"
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Słyszałam: "Cały dzień. Całą noc. Nie mogę przestać."
04:42
And indeed, they would say,
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"All day. All night.
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04:46
I can never stop thinking
about him or her."
about him or her."
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04:49
And then, the very last question --
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Do ostatniego pytania
04:51
I would always have to work
myself up to this question,
myself up to this question,
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musiałam się mobilizować,
bo nie jestem psychologiem.
04:54
because I'm not a psychologist.
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Nie pracuję z ludźmi w traumie.
04:55
I don't work with people
in any kind of traumatic situation.
in any kind of traumatic situation.
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Ostatnie pytanie było zawsze takie samo.
04:59
My final question was always the same.
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"Czy umarłbyś za nią lub za niego?"
05:01
I would say,
"Would you die for him or her?"
"Would you die for him or her?"
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Badani odpowiadali: "Tak!",
05:04
And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!"
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jakby chodziło o podanie soli.
05:06
as if I had asked them to pass the salt.
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Byłam po prostu wstrząśnięta.
05:08
I was just staggered by it.
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05:12
So we scanned their brains,
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Skanowaliśmy gdy patrzyli na zdjęcia ukochanych
05:15
looking at a photograph
of their sweetheart
of their sweetheart
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05:17
and looking at a neutral photograph,
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i, po małej przerwie, zdjęcia neutralne,
05:18
with a distraction task in between.
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żeby zaobserwować moment uniesienia,
05:20
So we could look at the same brain
when it was in that heightened state
when it was in that heightened state
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05:25
and when it was in a resting state.
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jak również stan spoczynku.
Aktywowało się wiele regionów mózgu.
05:28
And we found activity
in a lot of brain regions.
in a lot of brain regions.
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Jednym z najważniejszych był ten,
05:30
In fact, one of the most important
was a brain region
was a brain region
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który reaguje na odlot po kokainie.
05:33
that becomes active
when you feel the rush of cocaine.
when you feel the rush of cocaine.
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Tak się rzeczywiście dzieje.
05:37
And indeed, that's exactly what happens.
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05:40
I began to realize that romantic love
is not an emotion.
is not an emotion.
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Zrozumiałam, że romantyczna miłość to nie emocja,
ani nawet nie szereg emocji,
05:45
In fact, I had always thought
it was a series of emotions,
it was a series of emotions,
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od euforii po depresję.
05:47
from very high to very low.
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05:49
But actually, it's a drive.
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W istocie to popęd, pochodzący z siły napędowej
05:51
It comes from the motor of the mind,
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05:53
the wanting part of the mind,
the craving part of the mind.
the craving part of the mind.
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tej części umysłu, która chce i pragnie.
Części umysłu działającej,
05:57
The kind of part of the mind
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05:58
when you're reaching
for that piece of chocolate,
for that piece of chocolate,
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gdy sięgasz po kawałek czekolady,
gdy marzysz o awansie.
06:01
when you want to win
that promotion at work.
that promotion at work.
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Siła napędowa mózgu. Popęd.
06:05
The motor of the brain.
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06:07
It's a drive.
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06:08
And in fact, I think it's more powerful
than the sex drive.
than the sex drive.
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Jest silniejszy niż popęd seksualny.
Jeśli na propozycję pójścia do łóżka, słyszysz "Nie, dziękuję",
06:11
You know, if you ask somebody
to go to bed with you,
to go to bed with you,
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06:14
and they say, "No, thank you,"
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nie zabijesz się, ani nie popadniesz w depresję.
06:15
you certainly don't kill yourself
or slip into a clinical depression.
or slip into a clinical depression.
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Powszechnie zaś, odtrąceni kochankowie mogliby za miłość zabić.
06:19
But certainly, around the world,
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06:22
people who are rejected
in love will kill for it.
in love will kill for it.
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Ludzie żyją dla miłości. Zabijają dla miłości. Umierają dla miłości.
06:27
People live for love.
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06:28
They kill for love.
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06:29
They die for love.
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06:31
They have songs, poems, novels,
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Mamy piosenki, wiersze, powieści, rzeźby, obrazy, mity, legendy.
06:34
sculptures, paintings, myths, legends.
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W 175 społeczeństwach znajdujemy ślady tego stanu.
06:38
In over 175 societies,
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06:40
people have left their evidence
of this powerful brain system.
of this powerful brain system.
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To jeden z silniejszych systemów umysłowych na ziemi,
06:45
I have come to think
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it's one of the most powerful
brain systems on Earth
brain systems on Earth
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który niesie wielką radość i wielki smutek.
06:49
for both great joy and great sorrow.
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To jeden z trzech systemów
06:52
And I've also come to think
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06:53
that it's one of three
basically different brain systems
basically different brain systems
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powstałych z łączenia się w pary i reprodukcji.
06:57
that evolved from mating and reproduction.
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Pierwszy to popęd seksualny: potrzeba zaspokojenia.
06:59
One is the sex drive:
the craving for sexual gratification.
the craving for sexual gratification.
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07:03
W.H. Auden called it
an "intolerable neural itch,"
an "intolerable neural itch,"
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W.H. Auden nazwał go "nieznośnym swędzeniem nerwów".
07:06
and indeed, that's what it is.
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Rzeczywiście, na tym to polega.
Doskwiera człowiekowi jak głód.
07:09
It keeps bothering you
a little bit, like being hungry.
a little bit, like being hungry.
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Drugi to miłość romantyczna:
07:13
The second of these three brain
systems is romantic love:
systems is romantic love:
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07:16
that elation, obsession of early love.
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uniesienie, obsesja wczesnej miłości.
07:18
And the third brain system is attachment:
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Trzeci to przywiązanie:
spokój i bezpieczeństwo, odczuwane z wieloletnim partnerem.
07:21
that sense of calm and security
you can feel for a long-term partner.
you can feel for a long-term partner.
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07:25
And I think that the sex drive
evolved to get you out there,
evolved to get you out there,
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Popęd wyewoluował, by wyciągnąć nas z domu
w poszukiwaniu partnerów.
07:28
looking for a whole range of partners.
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Jak jeżdżenie bez celu samochodem.
07:30
You can feel it when you're just
driving along in your car.
driving along in your car.
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Nie skupiasz się na nikim.
07:33
It can be focused on nobody.
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Romantyczna miłośc skupia energię godową
07:35
I think romantic love evolved
to enable you to focus your mating energy
to enable you to focus your mating energy
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07:38
on just one individual at a time,
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na jednej osobie naraz,
07:40
thereby conserving mating time and energy.
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oszczędzając czas i energię.
07:43
And I think that attachment,
the third brain system,
the third brain system,
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Przywiązanie, trzeci system,
wyewoluowało, byśmy mogli się znieść (śmiech),
07:46
evolved to enable you to tolerate
this human being
this human being
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07:49
at least long enough to raise
a child together as a team.
a child together as a team.
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przynajmniej tak długo, by wychować dziecko.
07:55
So with that preamble,
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Teraz chcę omówić dwa najważniejsze trendy społeczne.
07:57
I want to go into discussing
the two most profound social trends.
the two most profound social trends.
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08:03
One of the last 10,000 years
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Jeden z ostatnich 10 tys., drugi z 25 lat,
08:06
and the other,
certainly of the last 25 years,
certainly of the last 25 years,
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wpływające na te 3 systemy umysłowe:
08:10
that are going to have an impact
on these three different brain systems:
on these three different brain systems:
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chuć, romantyczną miłość i głębokie przywiązanie.
08:15
lust, romantic love
and deep attachment to a partner.
and deep attachment to a partner.
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Pierwszy trend: kobiety aktywne zawodowo.
08:19
The first is women working,
moving into the workforce.
moving into the workforce.
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Przejrzałam roczniki demograficzne ONZ dla 130 społeczeństw.
08:26
I've looked at 130 societies
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08:29
through the demographic yearbooks
of the United Nations.
of the United Nations.
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w 129 na 130, kobiety wchodzą na rynek pracy,
08:31
Everywhere in the world,
129 out of 130 of them,
129 out of 130 of them,
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08:36
women are not only moving
into the job market --
into the job market --
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08:38
sometimes very, very slowly,
but they are moving into the job market --
but they are moving into the job market --
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czasem bardzo powoli, ale wchodzą.
08:42
and they are very slowly closing
that gap between men and women
that gap between men and women
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Powoli niweluja różnicę między mężczyznami i kobietami
08:46
in terms of economic power,
health and education.
health and education.
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pod względem siły ekonomicznej, zdrowia i edukacji.
To powolny proces.
08:50
It's very slow.
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08:51
For every trend on this planet,
there's a counter-trend.
there's a counter-trend.
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Każdemu trendowi odpowiada kontr-trend.
08:54
We all know of them, but nevertheless --
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Jak mówi stare arabskie przysłowie:
08:57
the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark,
but the caravan moves on."
but the caravan moves on."
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"Psy szczekają, ale karawana jedzie dalej".
Faktycznie, karawana jedzie dalej.
09:03
And, indeed, that caravan is moving on.
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Kobiety wracają na rynek pracy.
09:05
Women are moving back into the job market.
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Mówię "wracają", bo to nic nowego.
09:08
And I say back into the job market,
because this is not new.
because this is not new.
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Przez miliony lat, na sawannie,
09:12
For millions of years,
on the grasslands of Africa,
on the grasslands of Africa,
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kobiety szły zbierać warzywa.
09:15
women commuted to work
to gather their vegetables.
to gather their vegetables.
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Zdobywały 60-80% wieczornego posiłku.
09:18
They came home with 60 to 80 percent
of the evening meal.
of the evening meal.
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09:22
The double income family was the standard.
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Podwójny dochód w rodzinie był standardem.
09:25
And women were regarded
as just as economically,
as just as economically,
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Kobiety dorównywały mężczyznom ekonomicznie, społecznie i seksualnie.
09:29
socially and sexually powerful as men.
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09:32
In short, we're really
moving forward to the past.
moving forward to the past.
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Czyli w istocie wracamy do przeszłości.
Najgorszym wynalazkiem kobiet był pług.
09:37
Then, women's worst
invention was the plow.
invention was the plow.
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Wraz z rolnictwem pozycja mężczyzn spotężniała.
09:42
With the beginning of plow agriculture,
men's roles became extremely powerful.
men's roles became extremely powerful.
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Kobiety straciły odwieczną pracę zbieraczek,
09:46
Women lost their ancient
jobs as collectors,
jobs as collectors,
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ale rewolucja przemysłowa i postindustrialna
09:50
but then with the industrial revolution
and the post-industrial revolution
and the post-industrial revolution
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przywróciła je na rynek pracy.
09:54
they're moving back into the job market.
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1943
Odzyskują status sprzed miliona lat,
09:56
In short, they are acquiring the status
that they had a million years ago,
that they had a million years ago,
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sprzed 10 tys., 100 tys.lat.
10:01
10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago.
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10:04
We are seeing now one
of the most remarkable traditions
of the most remarkable traditions
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Obserwujemy niezwykłą tradycję ludzkiego zwierzęcia.
10:09
in the history of the human animal.
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Będzie miała wpływ na wiele spraw.
10:13
And it's going to have an impact.
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Zwykle poświęcam cały wykład na wpływ kobiet na świat biznesu.
10:15
I generally give a whole lecture
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10:16
on the impact of women
on the business community.
on the business community.
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Poruszę tylko kilka spraw i przejdę do seksu i miłości.
10:18
I'll say just a couple of things,
and then go on to sex and love.
and then go on to sex and love.
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Płcie bardzo się różnią.
10:22
There's a lot of gender differences;
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Zgodzi się z tym każdy, kto miał syna i córkę.
10:23
anybody who thinks men and women are alike
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10:26
simply never had a boy and a girl child.
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Nie wiem, czemu twierdzi się inaczej.
10:28
I don't know why they want to think
that men and women are alike.
that men and women are alike.
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Mamy wiele cech wspólnych,
10:31
There's much we have in common,
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10:32
but there's a whole lot
that we do not have in common.
that we do not have in common.
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i wiele różnic.
10:35
We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes,
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Słowami Teda Hughesa:
10:37
"I think that we are like two feet.
We need each other to get ahead."
We need each other to get ahead."
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"Jesteśmy jak dwie stopy. Potrzebujemy się nawzajem, by iść na przód".
Nasze mózgi nie rosły tak samo.
10:42
But we did not evolve
to have the same brain.
to have the same brain.
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10:45
And we're finding more and more
gender differences in the brain.
gender differences in the brain.
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Znajdujemy coraz więcej różnic płci w mózgu.
Wymienię kilka zanim przejdę do seksu i miłości.
10:49
I'll only just use a couple
and then move on to sex and love.
and then move on to sex and love.
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10:52
One of them is women's verbal ability.
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Kobiety lepiej rozwijaja się werbalnie. Umieją rozmawiać.
10:54
Women can talk.
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10:55
Women's ability to find the right word
rapidly, basic articulation
rapidly, basic articulation
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Umieją szybko dobrać słowa. Wymowność wzrasta
10:59
goes up in the middle
of the menstrual cycle,
of the menstrual cycle,
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w połowie cyklu, gdy poziom estrogenu jest najwyższy.
11:02
when estrogen levels peak.
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Nawet menstruując są wymowniejsze niż przeciętny mężczyzna.
11:03
But even at menstruation,
they're better than the average man.
they're better than the average man.
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Nawet menstruując są wymowniejsze niż przeciętny mężczyzna.
11:07
Women can talk.
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Robią to od miliona lat; słowa były narzędziami kobiet.
11:09
They've been doing it for a million years;
words were women's tools.
words were women's tools.
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11:12
They held that baby
in front of their face,
in front of their face,
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Trzymały w ramionach niemowlę,
namawiały, upominały, uczyły za pomocą słów.
11:14
cajoling it, reprimanding it,
educating it with words.
educating it with words.
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Istotnie, słowa nabieraja potężnej siły.
11:18
And, indeed, they're becoming
a very powerful force.
a very powerful force.
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11:21
Even in places like India and Japan,
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Nawet w krajach jak Indie czy Japonia,
gdzie kobiety nie zalewają rynku pracy,
11:27
where women are not moving rapidly
into the regular job market,
into the regular job market,
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11:30
they're moving into journalism.
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zostają dziennikarkami.
11:32
And I think that the television
is like the global campfire.
is like the global campfire.
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Telewizja jest jak globalne ognisko.
11:36
We sit around it and it shapes our minds.
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skupia nas i kształtuje umysły.
11:40
Almost always, when I'm on TV,
the producer who calls me,
the producer who calls me,
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Gdy wystepuję w telewizji, producenci, z którymi ustalam
co będziemy mówić, to przeważnie kobiety.
11:44
who negotiates what we're going to say,
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11:47
is a woman.
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Sołżenicyn powiedział:
11:48
In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said,
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"Mieć wielkiego pisarza, to mieć drugi rząd".
11:50
"To have a great writer
is to have another government."
is to have another government."
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Dzisiaj 54% pisarzy w USA to kobiety.
11:54
Today 54 percent of people
who are writers in America are women.
who are writers in America are women.
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To jedna z wielu kobiecych cech,
11:59
It's one of many,
many characteristics that women have
many characteristics that women have
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wnoszonych na rynek pracy:
12:02
that they will bring into the job market.
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zdolność do obchodzenia się z ludźmi, negocjacji,
12:04
They've got incredible people skills,
negotiating skills.
negotiating skills.
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duża wyobraźnia.
12:09
They're highly imaginative.
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12:10
We now know the brain circuitry
of imagination, of long-term planning.
of imagination, of long-term planning.
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Wiemy już, jak mózg zawiaduje wyobraźnią i planowaniem.
Kobiety myślą sieciowo.
12:15
They tend to be web thinkers.
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12:17
Because the female parts
of the brain are better connected,
of the brain are better connected,
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Ponieważ części mózgu kobiety są lepiej połączone,
myśląc zbierają więcej informacji,
12:20
they tend to collect more
pieces of data when they think,
pieces of data when they think,
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układają je w skomplikowane wzory, widzą więcej opcji i wyników.
12:23
put them into more complex patterns,
see more options and outcomes.
see more options and outcomes.
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Myślą kontekstualnie, holistycznie, sieciowo.
12:28
They tend to be contextual,
holistic thinkers,
holistic thinkers,
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12:32
what I call web thinkers.
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12:33
Men tend to -- and these are averages --
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Mężczyźni odrzucają zwykle to, uznali za nieistotne,
12:35
tend to get rid of what they regard
as extraneous,
as extraneous,
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skupiają się na tym, co robią. Działają i myślą w sposób liniowy.
12:38
focus on what they do,
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12:39
and move in a more
step-by-step thinking pattern.
step-by-step thinking pattern.
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Oba sposoby są dobre.
12:45
They're both perfectly good
ways of thinking.
ways of thinking.
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Potrzebujemy obydwu, by iść do przodu.
12:48
We need both of them to get ahead.
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12:50
In fact, there's many more
male geniuses in the world.
male geniuses in the world.
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Wśród mężczyzn znajdziemy więcej geniuszy.
12:53
And there's also many more
male idiots in the world.
male idiots in the world.
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I o wiele więcej idiotów. (Śmiech)
12:56
(Laughter)
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Sprawny męski mózg działa znakomicie.
12:58
When the male brain works well,
it works extremely well.
it works extremely well.
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Ewoluujemy w stronę społeczeństwa współpracującego,
13:01
And what I really think
that we're doing is,
that we're doing is,
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13:04
we're moving towards
a collaborative society,
a collaborative society,
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w którym talenty tak mężczyzn, jak i kobiet zaczynamy rozumieć,
13:07
a society in which the talents
of both men and women
of both men and women
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13:09
are becoming understood
and valued and employed.
and valued and employed.
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cenić i wykorzystywać.
13:13
But in fact, women moving
into the job market
into the job market
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Jednak wejście kobiet na rynek pracy ma ogromny wpływ
13:16
is having a huge impact
on sex and romance and family life.
on sex and romance and family life.
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na seks, miłość i życie rodzinne.
Kobiety zaczynają wyrażać seksualność.
13:22
Foremost, women are starting
to express their sexuality.
to express their sexuality.
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13:27
I'm always astonished
when people come to me and say,
when people come to me and say,
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Zdumiewa mnie pytanie:
"Czemu mężczyźni tak często zdradzają?"
13:30
"Why is it that men are so adulterous?"
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Odpowiadam: "Czy częściej od kobiet?"
13:32
"Why do you think
more men are adulterous than women?"
more men are adulterous than women?"
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2713
Odpowiadam: "Czy częściej od kobiet?"
13:35
"Well, men are more adulterous!"
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"Z kim, wg ciebie, sypiają ci mężczyźni?"
13:36
And I say, "Who do you think
these men are sleeping with?"
these men are sleeping with?"
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Prosty rachunek! (Śmiech)
13:39
(Laughter)
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13:41
And -- basic math!
264
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1728
Prosty rachunek! (Śmiech)
13:42
Anyway.
265
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Na Zachodzie, dziewczęta stają się
13:44
In the Western world,
266
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3596
13:47
women start sooner at sex,
have more partners,
have more partners,
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aktywne seksualnie wcześniej, mają więcej partnerów,
13:50
express less remorse
for the partners that they do,
for the partners that they do,
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mniej wyrzutów sumienia, później wychodzą za mąż,
13:53
marry later, have fewer children,
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mają mniej dzieci, opuszczają złe małżeństwa, szukają lepszych.
13:56
leave bad marriages
in order to get good ones.
in order to get good ones.
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2905
13:59
We are seeing the rise
of female sexual expression.
of female sexual expression.
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3979
Widzimy początek kobiecej ekspresji seksualnej.
Powracamy do rodzaju ekspresji seksualnej
14:03
And, indeed, once again we're moving
forward to the kind of sexual expression
forward to the kind of sexual expression
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4721
obecnej na sawannie milion lat temu,
14:08
that we probably saw on the grasslands
of Africa a million years ago,
of Africa a million years ago,
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3684
14:11
because this is the kind
of sexual expression that we see
of sexual expression that we see
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2976
bo przypomina tę, która obserwujemy dziś
14:14
in hunting and gathering societies today.
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2258
u plemion łowiecko-zbierackich.
14:17
We're also returning
to an ancient form of marriage equality.
to an ancient form of marriage equality.
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3976
Powraca też dawna forma równości małżeńskiej.
Podobno XXI wiek
14:22
They're now saying that the 21st century
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4556
14:26
is going to be the century of what
they call the "symmetrical marriage,"
they call the "symmetrical marriage,"
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3976
ma być wiekiem tzw. "małżeństwa symetrycznego"
14:30
or the "pure marriage,"
or the "companionate marriage."
or the "companionate marriage."
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5384
lub "czystego" czy też "partnerskiego".
To małżeństwo dwojga równych sobie ludzi,
14:36
This is a marriage between equals,
280
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3568
14:39
moving forward to a pattern
281
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2443
wg. dawnych duchowych wzorców.
14:42
that is highly compatible
with the ancient human spirit.
with the ancient human spirit.
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3134
14:46
We're also seeing a rise of romantic love.
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2539
Obserwujemy też rozkwit miłości romantycznej.
14:49
91 percent of American women
and 86 percent of American men
and 86 percent of American men
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4226
91% kobiet i 86% mężczyzn w Ameryce
nie poślubiłoby ideału partnera,
14:53
would not marry somebody
who had every single quality
who had every single quality
285
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4603
14:58
they were looking for in a partner,
286
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1816
jeśli nie byliby w tej osobie zakochani.
15:00
if they were not in love with that person.
287
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2763
Wg badań, ludzie z 37 społeczeństw
15:03
People around the world,
in a study of 37 societies,
in a study of 37 societies,
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chcą być zakochani w przyszłym małżonku.
15:06
want to be in love
with the person that they marry.
with the person that they marry.
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3637
Aranżowane małżeństwa odchodzą do lamusa.
15:10
Indeed, arranged marriages are
on their way off this braid of human life.
on their way off this braid of human life.
290
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6054
15:20
I even think that marriages
might even become more stable
might even become more stable
291
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2794
Małżeństwa stają się stabilniejsze
na skutek drugiego światowego trendu.
15:23
because of the second great world trend.
292
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3754
Pierwszym było więcej pracujących kobiet,
15:27
The first one being women
moving into the job market,
moving into the job market,
293
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2762
15:29
the second one being
the aging world population.
the aging world population.
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2850
drugim zaś starzejąca się populacja.
15:32
They're now saying that in America,
295
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2427
Podobno w Ameryce
wiek średni należy rozciągnąć do 85 lat.
15:35
that middle age should be regarded
as up to age 85.
as up to age 85.
296
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3651
Wśród osób w wieku 76 do 85 lat
15:39
Because in that highest
age category of 76 to 85,
age category of 76 to 85,
297
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4879
aż 40% nie ma problemów zdrowotnych.
15:44
as much as 40 percent of people
have nothing really wrong with them.
have nothing really wrong with them.
298
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3431
15:47
So we're seeing there's a real
extension of middle age.
extension of middle age.
299
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3382
Wiek średni bardzo się wydłużył.
15:51
For one of my books,
I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.
I looked at divorce data in 58 societies.
300
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5262
Pisząc książkę szukałam danych nt. rozwodów w 58 krajach.
15:56
And as it turns out, the older you get,
the less likely you are to divorce.
the less likely you are to divorce.
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Odkryłam, że im jesteśmy starsi, tym rzadziej się rozwodzimy.
Liczba rozwodów w USA jest stała
16:01
So the divorce rate right now
is stable in America,
is stable in America,
302
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3601
a nawet zaczyna spadać.
16:05
and it's actually beginning to decline.
303
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2334
16:07
It may decline some more.
304
942579
1602
Może spadnie jeszcze bardziej.
Viagra, substytuty estrogenu, sztuczne biodra
16:11
I would even say that with Viagra,
305
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3999
16:15
estrogen replacement, hip replacements
306
951156
3815
i niezwykle interesujące kobiety,
16:19
and the incredibly interesting women
307
954995
1981
16:21
-- women have never been
as interesting as they are now.
as interesting as they are now.
308
957000
3105
jak nigdy dotąd.
Nigdy dotąd kobiety nie były tak wykształcone, interesujące i zdolne.
16:24
Not at any time on this planet
have women been so educated,
have women been so educated,
309
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3458
16:28
so interesting, so capable.
310
963611
1947
Uważam, że jeśli kiedykolwiek w historii
16:30
And so I honestly think that if there
really was ever a time in human evolution
really was ever a time in human evolution
311
965962
5379
była szansa na dobre małżeństwa, to właśnie teraz.
16:36
when we have the opportunity to make
good marriages, that time is now.
good marriages, that time is now.
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16:41
However, there's always kinds
of complications in this.
of complications in this.
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Zawsze są pewne komplikacje.
3 systemy umysłowe - chuć, romantyczna miłość i przywiązanie
16:44
These three brain systems
-- lust, romantic love and attachment --
-- lust, romantic love and attachment --
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nie zawsze idą w parze.
16:49
don't always go together.
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A mogą.
16:50
They can go together, by the way.
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Przygodny seks nie jest całkiem przygodny.
16:52
That's why casual sex isn't so casual.
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Orgazm to jak zastrzyk dopaminy,
16:54
With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine.
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kojarzonej z romantyczną miłością.
16:56
Dopamine's associated with romantic love,
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Można się zakochać w przygodny kochanku.
16:58
and you can just
fall in love with somebody
fall in love with somebody
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17:00
who you're just having casual sex with.
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Orgazm powoduje przypływ oksytocyny i wazopresyny,
17:02
With orgasm, then you get a real rush
of oxytocin and vasopressin --
of oxytocin and vasopressin --
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kojarzonych z przywiązaniem.
17:06
those are associated with attachment.
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Dlatego czujemy kosmiczne zespolenie z kimś,
17:08
This is why you can feel such a sense
of cosmic union with somebody
of cosmic union with somebody
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z kim właśnie się kochało.
17:12
after you've made love to them.
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Jednak chuć, romantyczna miłość i przywiązanie
17:14
But these three brain systems:
lust, romantic love and attachment,
lust, romantic love and attachment,
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4699
17:18
aren't always connected to each other.
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nie zawsze są ze sobą połączone.
17:21
You can feel deep attachment
to a long-term partner
to a long-term partner
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Można czuć przywiązanie do długoletniego partnera,
romantyczną miłość do kogoś innego,
17:25
while you feel intense
romantic love for somebody else,
romantic love for somebody else,
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jednocześnie pożądając jeszcze kogo innego.
17:29
while you feel the sex drive for people
unrelated to these other partners.
unrelated to these other partners.
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Można kochać więcej niż jedną osobę naraz.
17:35
In short, we're capable of loving
more than one person at a time.
more than one person at a time.
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W trakcie jednego wieczoru można
17:40
In fact, you can lie in bed at night
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oscylować między przywiązaniem do jednej osoby,
17:42
and swing from deep feelings
of attachment for one person
of attachment for one person
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17:45
to deep feelings
of romantic love for somebody else.
of romantic love for somebody else.
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a romantycznymi uczuciami wobec drugiej.
Coś jak zebranie komitetu we własnej głowie,
17:49
It's as if there's a committee meeting
going on in your head
going on in your head
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gdy zastanawiasz się, co robić.
17:52
as you are trying to decide what to do.
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Nie uważam, że człowiek to zwierzę stworzone do szczęścia;
17:55
So I don't think, honestly,
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17:56
we're an animal
that was built to be happy;
that was built to be happy;
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to zwierzę stworzone do rozmanażania.
17:59
we are an animal
that was built to reproduce.
that was built to reproduce.
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Szczęście stwarzamy sobie sami.
18:01
I think the happiness we find, we make.
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18:04
And I think, however,
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Uważam, że potrafimy tworzyć dobre związki.
18:07
we can make good relationships
with each other.
with each other.
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18:10
So I want to conclude with two things.
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Na koniec dwie konkluzje:
Na koniec dwie konkluzje:
18:12
I want to conclude with a worry,
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zmartwienie i wspaniała historia.
18:15
and with a wonderful story.
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2929
Zmartwienie dotyczy antydepresantów.
18:19
The worry is about antidepressants.
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2689
W USA przepisuje się ponad 100 mln antydepresantów rocznie.
18:23
Over 100 million prescriptions
of antidepressants
of antidepressants
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5132
18:28
are written every year
in the United States.
in the United States.
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2821
Leki stają się powszechne.
18:31
And these drugs are going generic.
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18:34
They are seeping around the world.
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Rozprzestrzeniają się po świecie.
Znam dziewczynę, biorąca leki na podwyższenie serotoniny,
18:37
I know one girl who's been
on these antidepressants,
on these antidepressants,
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5233
18:42
SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing
antidepressants -- since she was 13.
antidepressants -- since she was 13.
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3976
tzw. SSRI, odkąd skończyła 13 lat.
18:46
She's 23. She's been on them
ever since she was 13.
ever since she was 13.
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Ma 23 lata. Bierze je od 10 lat.
18:49
I've got nothing against people
who take them short term,
who take them short term,
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3516
Nie mam nic przeciw zażywaniu jakiś czas,
18:53
when they're going
through something horrible.
through something horrible.
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2223
w naprawdę trudnych okresach.
18:55
They want to commit suicide
or kill somebody else.
or kill somebody else.
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2355
Przy skłonnościach samobójczych lub morderczych.
Przy skłonnościach samobójczych lub morderczych.
18:57
I would recommend it.
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1113166
1068
Ale coraz więcej ludzi w USA bierze je ciągle.
18:59
But more and more people
in the United States
in the United States
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2459
19:01
are taking them long term.
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2384
Leki te podwyższają poziom serotoniny,
19:03
And indeed, what these drugs do
is raise levels of serotonin.
is raise levels of serotonin.
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1119149
5365
ograniczając krążenie dopaminy.
19:09
And by raising levels of serotonin,
you suppress the dopamine circuit.
you suppress the dopamine circuit.
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4821
19:14
Everybody knows that.
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1562
Każdy to wie.
19:16
Dopamine is associated with romantic love.
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2895
Dopamina jest związana z romantyczną miłością.
19:21
Not only do they suppress
the dopamine circuit,
the dopamine circuit,
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Ograniczając dopaminę, leki likwidują popęd płciowy.
19:24
but they kill the sex drive.
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Bez popędu płciowego nie ma orgazmu.
19:27
And when you kill the sex drive,
you kill orgasm.
you kill orgasm.
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3824
Bez orgazmu nie ma substancji kojarzonych z przywiązaniem.
19:30
And when you kill orgasm,
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1191
19:32
you kill that flood of drugs
associated with attachment.
associated with attachment.
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3867
Te rzeczy wiążą się w mózgu ze sobą.
19:36
The things are connected in the brain.
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2264
19:38
And when you tamper with one brain system,
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2656
Mieszając w jednym systemie umysłowym,
mieszamy w innym.
19:41
you're going to tamper with another.
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1156680
1945
19:43
I'm just simply saying that a world
without love is a deadly place.
without love is a deadly place.
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4754
Świat bez miłości to martwe miejsce.
19:49
So now --
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1002
(Brawa) Dziękuję.
19:50
(Applause)
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1165764
4212
19:54
Thank you.
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1703
Na koniec historia. I mały komentarz.
19:56
I want to end with a story.
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1485
19:58
And then, just a comment.
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1300
Badam romantyczną miłość, seks i przywiązanie od 30 lat.
20:01
I've been studying romantic love
and sex and attachment for 30 years.
and sex and attachment for 30 years.
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1176741
4779
Mam siostrę bliźniaczkę; interesują mnie podobieństwa.
20:08
I'm an identical twin;
I am interested in why we're all alike.
I am interested in why we're all alike.
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3516
Czemu jesteśmy podobni, czemu Irakijczycy i Japończycy,
20:12
Why you and I are alike,
why the Iraqis and the Japanese
why the Iraqis and the Japanese
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1187925
3051
20:15
and the Australian Aborigines
and the people of the Amazon River
and the people of the Amazon River
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1191000
3000
Aborygeni i ludzie z dorzecza Amazonki są do siebie podobni.
20:18
are all alike.
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1194024
1000
20:20
And about a year ago,
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2309
Rok temu, internetowy serwis matrymonialny Match.com
20:22
an Internet dating service,
Match.com, came to me
Match.com, came to me
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1198110
2985
poprosił o projekt nowej strony.
20:25
and asked me if I would design
a new dating site for them.
a new dating site for them.
385
1201119
3652
20:29
I said, "I don't know anything
about personality. You know?
about personality. You know?
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1204795
2802
Powiedziałam, że nie znam się na osobowości.
20:32
I don't know. Do you think
you've got the right person?"
you've got the right person?"
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1207621
2720
Czy na pewno o mnie im chodzi?
Powiedzieli, że tak.
20:35
They said, "Yes."
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1210365
1040
Zaczęłam myśleć dlaczego zakochujemy się w tej, a nie innej osobie.
20:36
It got me thinking
about why it is that you fall in love
about why it is that you fall in love
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1211429
3023
20:39
with one person rather than another.
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1214476
1732
Tym się teraz zajmuję, o tym napiszę następną książke.
20:41
That's my current project;
it will be my next book.
it will be my next book.
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3443
Z wielu przyczyn zakochujemy się w danej osobie.
20:45
There's all kinds of reasons
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1220262
1539
20:46
that you fall in love
with one person rather than another.
with one person rather than another.
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1221825
2753
Liczy się moment. Liczy się bliskość.
20:49
Timing is important.
Proximity is important.
Proximity is important.
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1224602
3286
Liczy się tajemniczość. Kochamy osoby tajemnicze,
20:52
Mystery is important.
395
1227912
1380
20:54
You fall in love with somebody
who's somewhat mysterious,
who's somewhat mysterious,
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1229316
2729
bo tajemniczość podnosi poziom dopaminy,
20:56
in part because mystery
elevates dopamine in the brain,
elevates dopamine in the brain,
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1232069
2678
jest ostatnią kroplą do zakochania.
20:59
probably pushes you
over that threshold to fall in love.
over that threshold to fall in love.
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2766
Zakochujemy się w kimś, kto pasuje do naszej "miłosnej mapy",
21:02
You fall in love with somebody
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1429
21:03
who fits within
what I call your "love map,"
what I call your "love map,"
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2095
nieuświadomionej listy cech, spisywanej od dzieciństwa.
21:05
an unconscious list of traits
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2147
21:08
that you build in childhood
as you grow up.
as you grow up.
402
1243304
2314
Uważam też, że ciągnie nas
21:10
And I also think
that you gravitate to certain people,
that you gravitate to certain people,
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1245642
3042
do ludzi dopełniających nas umysłowo.
21:13
actually, with somewhat
complementary brain systems.
complementary brain systems.
404
1248708
3268
21:16
And that's what I'm now
contributing to this.
contributing to this.
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1252000
2287
Nad tym pracuję.
Opowiem historię - ilustrację.
21:19
But I want to tell you
a story, to illustrate.
a story, to illustrate.
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1254311
3665
21:22
I've been carrying on here
about the biology of love.
about the biology of love.
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1258000
2976
Mówiłam dziś sporo o biologii miłości.
Chcę pokazać też trochę jej kultury,
21:26
I wanted to show you a little bit
about the culture of it, too,
about the culture of it, too,
408
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3687
i magii.
21:30
the magic of it.
409
1265420
1167
21:32
It's a story that was told to me
410
1268000
3349
To historia zasłyszana, ale chyba prawdziwa.
21:36
by somebody who had
heard it just from one --
heard it just from one --
411
1271373
2461
To historia zasłyszana, ale chyba prawdziwa.
21:38
probably a true story.
412
1273858
1118
Pracuję na uniwersytecie Rutgers.
21:41
It was a graduate student --
I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues --
I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues --
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1276508
3468
21:44
Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook.
414
1280000
1976
Art Aron pracuje w SUNY Stony Brook.
21:46
That's where we put our people
in the MRI machine.
in the MRI machine.
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1282000
2371
To tam podłączamy ludzi do MRI.
21:49
And this graduate student was madly
in love with another graduate student,
in love with another graduate student,
416
1285000
4563
Pewien student był śmiertelnie zakochany w koleżance,
bez wzajemności.
21:54
and she was not in love with him.
417
1289587
2373
Pojechali na konferencję do Pekinu.
21:58
And they were
all at a conference in Beijing.
all at a conference in Beijing.
418
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2255
Z naszych badań wiedział, że robiąc coś zupełnie nowego,
22:01
And he knew from our work
419
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3034
22:04
that if you go and do something
very novel with somebody,
very novel with somebody,
420
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4408
można podnieść poziom dopaminy w mózgu.
22:08
you can drive up
the dopamine in the brain,
the dopamine in the brain,
421
1303975
2001
22:10
and perhaps trigger this brain
system for romantic love.
system for romantic love.
422
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3693
co może zapoczątkować romantyczną miłość. (Śmiech)
22:14
(Laughter)
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2157
Postanowił zaprząc naukę do pracy
22:16
So he decided he'd put science to work.
424
1311898
3886
i zaprosił dziewczynę na przejażdżkę rikszą.
22:21
And he invited this girl to go off
on a rickshaw ride with him.
on a rickshaw ride with him.
425
1316624
3334
22:25
And sure enough -- I've never been in one,
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1320809
2069
Nigdy nie jechałam rikszą.
22:27
but apparently they go
all around the buses and the trucks
all around the buses and the trucks
427
1322902
2738
Podobno lawiruje się między autobusami i ciężarówkami.
To szalone, hałaśliwe i ekscytujące.
22:30
and it's crazy and it's noisy
and it's exciting.
and it's exciting.
428
1325664
2818
Chłopak wykombinował, że podniesie jej dopaminę
22:33
He figured that this would drive up
the dopamine,
the dopamine,
429
1328506
2286
i ona się w nim zakocha.
22:35
and she'd fall in love with him.
430
1330816
1532
Więc ruszają. Ona piszczy i ściska go za rękę,
22:37
So off they go and she's squealing
and squeezing him
and squeezing him
431
1332372
4974
śmieje się i świetnie się bawi.
22:42
and laughing and having a wonderful time.
432
1337370
2517
22:44
An hour later they get down
off of the rickshaw,
off of the rickshaw,
433
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3539
Po godzinie wysiadają
22:48
and she throws her hands up and she says,
434
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3580
a ona mówi z podnieceniem: "Było cudownie!
22:51
"Wasn't that wonderful?"
435
1347078
2312
Ależ ten rikszarz przystojny!"
22:54
And, "Wasn't that rickshaw
driver handsome!"
driver handsome!"
436
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3414
22:57
(Laughter)
437
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3069
(Śmiech) (Brawa)
23:00
(Applause)
438
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6031
23:06
There's magic to love!
439
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1162
Oto magia miłości!
23:07
(Applause)
440
1363186
1611
Miliony lat temu, wykształciliśmy 3 podstawowe popędy:
23:09
But I will end by saying
that millions of years ago,
that millions of years ago,
441
1364821
3620
23:13
we evolved three basic drives:
442
1368465
2332
popęd płciowy, romantyczną miłość i przywiązanie do wieloletniego partnera.
23:15
the sex drive, romantic love
443
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2519
23:18
and attachment to a long-term partner.
444
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2340
Te systemy tkwią głęboko w ludzkim mózgu.
23:20
These circuits are deeply
embedded in the human brain.
embedded in the human brain.
445
1375728
3079
Przetrwają póty, póki istnieć będzie nasz gatunek
23:24
They're going to survive
as long as our species survives
as long as our species survives
446
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4403
w, słowami Szekspira, "doczesnym zamęcie".
23:28
on what Shakespeare called
"this mortal coil."
"this mortal coil."
447
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Dziękuję. (Brawa)
23:31
Thank you.
448
1386362
1006
23:32
Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!
449
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23:33
(Applause)
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1063
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Helen Fisher - Anthropologist, expert on loveAnthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions. She’s best known as an expert on romantic love.
Why you should listen
Fisher's several books lay bare the mysteries of our most treasured emotion: its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its vital importance to human society. Fisher describes love as a universal human drive (stronger than the sex drive; stronger than thirst or hunger; stronger perhaps than the will to live), and her many areas of inquiry shed light on timeless human mysteries like why we choose one partner over another. Her classic study, Anatomy of Love, first published in 1992, has just been re-issued in a fully updated edition, including her recent neuroimaging research on lust, romantic love and attachment as well as discussions of sexting, hooking up, friends with benefits, other contemporary trends in courtship and marriage, and a dramatic current trend she calls “slow love.”
Helen Fisher | Speaker | TED.com