TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Lora Trajs predlaže da svi kažemo "hvala"
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U ovom varljivo jednostavnom trominutnom govoru, Dr Lora Trajs (Laura Trice) govori o moći magične reči "hvala" - da produbi prijateljstvo, popravi vezu, da osigura da druga osoba zna koliko vam znači. Probajte.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Zdravo. Ovde sam da bih vam pričala o važnosti
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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pohvale, divljenja i zahvalnosti
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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i kako to mora da bude posebno i iskreno.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Za ovo sam se zainteresovala tako što
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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sam primetila, dok sam odrastala,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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i do pre nekoliko godina,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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da bih želela nekom da kažem "hvala",
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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želela bih da ih pohvalim,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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da oni mene pohvale,
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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i samo bih se zaustavila.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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I zapitala sam se, zašto?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Osećala sam stid, posramljenost.
00:45
And then my question became,
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I onda je moje pitanje postalo,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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da li sam ja jedina koja to radi?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Pa sam odlučila da to istražim.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Imam sreće da radim u rehabilitacionoj ustanovi,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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pa viđam ljude koji se sa zavisnošću suočavaju sa životom i smrću.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Ponekad je u pitanju nešto tako jednostavno kao npr da je
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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njihova najveća rana to što im je otac umro, a da nikada nije rekao koliko je ponosan na njih.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Ali onda od cele porodice i prijatelja saznaju
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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kako je otac svima drugima rekao koliko je ponosan na sina,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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ali to njemu nikada nije rekao.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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To je zato što nije znao da je njegovom sinu bilo potrebno da to čuje.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Dakle, moje pitanje je, zašto ne tražimo stvari koje su nam potrebne?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Znam jednog gospodina koji je 25 godina u braku
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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i koji žudi za tim da njegova žena kaže,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Hvala ti što donosiš hleb na sto, kako bih ja mogla da budem kod kuće sa decom",
01:25
but won't ask.
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ali ne želi da pita.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Znam jednu ženu koja je dobra u ovome.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Ona se jednom nedeljno sastaje sa svojim mužem i kaže,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"Zaista bih volela da mi zahvališ na svim stvarima koje radim u kući i oko dece."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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A on kaže, "O, ovo je super, ovo je super."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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A pohvala zaista mora da bude iskrena,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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a ona preuzima odgovornost za nju.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Jedna moja prijateljica, Ejpril, koju znam od obdaništa,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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zahvaljuje svojoj deci na obavljanju kućnih poslova.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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I kaže, "Zašto im se ne bih zahvalila, iako i treba da ih rade?"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Dakle, pitanje je, zašto sam ja to blokirala?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Zašto su drugi ljudi blokirali?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Zašto mogu da kažem, "Želim srednje pečen biftek,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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trebaju mi cipele broj 37", ali neću reći
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"Da li biste me pohvalili na ovaj način?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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A to je zato što vam dajem bitne podatke o sebi.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Govorim vam gde sam nesigurna.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Govorim vam gde mi je potrebna vaša pomoć.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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I vas, svoj najuži krug,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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tretiram kao neprijatelja.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Jer, šta vi možete sa tim informacijama?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Možete da me zapostavite.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Možete da ih zloupotrebite.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Ili možete stvarno da mi izađete u susret.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Odvezla sam bajs u servis - obožavam ovo -
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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isti bajs i oni su uradili balansiranje točkova
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Momak je rekao, "Znate, kad izbalansirate točkove,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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bajs će biti mnogo bolji."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Vratili su mi isti bajs,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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i izravnali su sve neravnine iz tih istih točkova
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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koje imam dve ipo godine i bajs je kao nov.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Imam jedan izazov za vas.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Želim da izbalansirate svoje točkove:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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budite iskreni u vezi sa pohvalama koje vam je potrebno da čujete.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Šta vam je potrebno da čujete? Idite kući svojoj ženi,
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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pitajte je, šta je njoj potrebno?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Idite kući svom mužu - šta je njemu potrebno?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Idite kući, postavite ta pitanja i onda pomozite ljudima oko sebe.
02:52
And it's simple.
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To je jednostavno.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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A zašto bi trebalo da nam je stalo do ovoga?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Govorimo o miru u svetu.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Kako da imamo mir na svetu, među različitim kulturama, jezicima?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Mislim da to počinje od kuće do kuće, pod istim krovom.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Hajde da krenemo od sopstvenog dvorišta.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Želim da zahvalim svima vama u publici
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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zato što ste odlični muževi, majke,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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prijatelji, ćerke, sinovi.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Možda vam niko nikada nije to rekao,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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ali odlični ste u tome.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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I hvala vam što ste ovde, što ste došli
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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i što menjate svet svojim idejama.
03:20
Thank you.
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Hvala.
03:22
(Applause)
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(aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com