TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice: Vsi bi se morali zahvaliti
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V navidezno preprostem 3-minutnem posnetku dr. Laura Trice govori o moči čarobne besede - hvala. Zahvala lahko poglobi prijateljstvo, izboljša odnos, pove drugim ljudem, koliko vam pomenijo. Poskusite.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Živjo. Govorila bom o pomembnosti
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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pohvale, občudovanja in zahvale,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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ki morajo biti svojevrstni in iskreni.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Zakaj sem se začela zanimati za to?
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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Opazila sem, da sem se med odraščanjem
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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in še do pred nekaj leti
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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hotela zahvaliti nekomu.
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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Nekoga sem hotela pohvaliti.
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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Hotela sem, da me drugi pohvalijo.
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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A tega nisem delala.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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Vprašala sem se, zakaj.
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Ker sem sramežljiva in plašna.
00:45
And then my question became,
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Potem sem se vprašala,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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če to delam samo jaz.
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Začela sem raziskovati.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Zaposlena sem v zavodu za zdravljenje odvisnosti.
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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Vsak dan srečujem ljudi, ki se soočajo z odvisnostjo.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Včasih odkrijemo, da so bolniki postali zasvojeni,
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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ker jim oče ni nikoli povedal, da je ponosen nanje.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Potem pa izvejo od družine in prijateljev,
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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da je oče vsem drugim povedal, da je ponosen nanje.
01:10
but he never told the son.
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Sinu pa ni nikoli povedal.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Ker ni vedel, da hoče sin to slišati.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Sprašujem se, zakaj ne prosimo za tisto, kar potrebujemo.
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Poznam gospoda, ki je poročen že 25 let.
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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Želi si, da bi se mu žena zahvalila,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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ker služi denar in je ona lahko doma z otroki.
01:25
but won't ask.
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A za zahvalo ne bo prosil.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Poznam žensko, ki to zna.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Enkrat na teden prosi moža,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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da se ji zahvali, ker skrbi za dom in vzgaja otroke.
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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In mož reče, krasno ti gre.
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Pohvala mora biti iskrena,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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a zanjo prosi sama.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Prijateljica April, ki jo poznam še iz vrtca,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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se otrokom zahvali za mala hišna opravila.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Reče si, zakaj se jim ne bi zahvalila, čeprav morajo to vseeno narediti.
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Vprašanje je, zakaj sem se nehala zahvaljevati.
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Zakaj se drugi ne zahvaljujejo?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Zakaj lahko rečem, da hočem srednje zapečen zrezek,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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da potrebujem čevlje št. 38? Nikoli pa ne rečem,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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če bi me pohvalili za to.
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Zdaj vam govorim le negativne podatke o sebi.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Zdaj vam govorim, kje sem negotova.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Govorim vam, kje potrebujem vašo pomoč.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Do vas se obnašam,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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kot da ste sovražniki.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Kaj lahko naredite s temi podatki?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Lahko me ignorirate.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Podatke lahko zlorabite.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Ali pa naredite to, kar potrebujem.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Svoje kolo sem odpeljala v trgovino s kolesi,
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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kjer so naravnali kolesa.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Moški je rekel: Ko naravnate kolesa,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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boste kolo veliko lažje peljali.
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Kolo so mi vrnili,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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kolesa so naravnali.
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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Po dveh letih in pol je kolo še vedno kot novo.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Za vse vas imam izziv.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Hočem, da naravnate svoja kolesa.
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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Bodite iskreni in povejte, kakšno pohvalo potrebujete.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Kaj hočete slišati? Pojdite domov k ženi
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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in jo vprašajte, kaj potrebuje.
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Pojdite domov k možu - kaj potrebuje on?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Pojdite domov, vprašajte najbližje, kaj potrebujejo in jim pomagajte.
02:52
And it's simple.
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Preprosto je.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Zakaj bi se sploh zanimali za to?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Govorimo o miru na svetu.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Kako imamo lahko mir na svetu z različnimi kulturami in jeziki?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Začeti moramo doma, pod svojo streho.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Najprej poskrbite za svoj dom.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Rada bi se vsem vam zahvalila,
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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ker ste odlični možje, krasne matere,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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prijatelji, hčere, sinovi.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Morda vam tega ni povedal še nihče,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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a vsi odlično opravljate svoje delo.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Hvala, ker ste prišli
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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in spreminjate svet s svojimi idejami.
03:20
Thank you.
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Hvala.
03:22
(Applause)
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(aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com