ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.

Why you should listen

Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.

In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.

More profile about the speaker
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com
TED2008

Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you

लाउरा ट्रीस सल्लाह दिन्छिन्, हामी सबै धन्यवाद भन्न सिकौं

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यो ३-मिनेट को साधारण लाग्ने असाधारण प्रस्तुतिमा डा. लाउरा ट्रीस "धन्यवाद" भन्ने जादुमय शब्दको शक्ति माथि मन्थन गर्छिन -- मित्रता बढाउन, सम्बन्ध सुधार गर्न, अनि अर्को व्यक्तिलाई उनीहरू आफ्नो लागि कति महत्व राख्छन भन्ने जानकारी रहिरहोस भन्ने पक्का गराउन | प्रयास गर्नुस् |
- Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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नमस्कार ! म यहाँ प्रशंसा, श्रद्धा र धन्यवादको
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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महत्व बारे यहाँहरु संग केहि कुरा गर्न आएको छु
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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र त्यसलाई निर्दिष्ट र यथार्थ पार्ने कोसिश का साथ |
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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र मलाई यसमा रुची यसरी आयो,
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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म हुर्कदै गर्दा र केहि बर्ष अघि सम्म पनि
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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मैले आफुमै केहि कुरा महसुस गरे
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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कि म भित्र कसैलाई धन्यवाद भन्ने इच्छा छ
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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मलाई उनीहरुको प्रशंसा गर्ने इच्छा छ,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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मलाई उनीहरू ले मैले गरेको प्रशंसा ग्रहण गरुन भन्ने इच्छा छ
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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तर म यसै रोकिए |
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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अनि मैले आफैले सोधे, किन त?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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मलाई शर्म भयो, धक महसुस भयो |
00:45
And then my question became,
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अनि एउटा प्रश्न उब्जियो,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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के म मात्र हुँ त यस्तो गर्ने?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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अनि मैले यसको छिनोफानो गर्ने निर्णय गरेँ |
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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म भाग्यमानी यस अर्थमा छु कि मैले पुनर्स्थापना केन्द्रमा काम गर्न पाए,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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मैले दुर्व्यसन का कारणले जीवन र मृत्यु को सामना गरिरहेका व्यक्तिहरु संग भेट्ने मौका पाएँ |
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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कहिलेकाहीं त्यो सबको कारण एउटा अत्यन्त साधारण कुरा सम्म आइपुग्छ,
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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उनीहरू को भित्रि पिडा उनीहरू का पिता एक पटक पनि उनीहरुको गर्ब नगरी स्वर्गवास भए |
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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अनि उनीहरू आफ्ना परिवार, आफन्त र साथीभाईहरु बाट सुन्छन्
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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कि उनका पिताले सबैलाई उनी आफ्नो छोरा प्रति गर्ब गर्ने कुरा सबैलाई भनेका थिए,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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तर आफ्नो छोरालाई कहिले भनेनन् |
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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त्यो किन भने उनलाई त्यो कुरा आफ्नो छोराले सुन्न पर्छ भन्ने थाहा नै थिएन |
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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त्यसैले मेरो प्रश्न, हामी आफुलाई चाहिने कुरा किन माग्दैनौं त ?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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म एक जना पच्चीस बर्ष देखि विवाहित महासय लाई चिन्छु
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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जो आफ्नी पत्नी बाट सुन्न चाहन्छन कि
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"तपाईलाई धन्यवाद आयआर्जन गरिदिएकोले ताकि म यी बालबच्चाको साथ मा घर बस्न सकें"
01:25
but won't ask.
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तर कहिले पनि माग्दैनन |
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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म एक जना महिलालाई चिन्छु हो यो काममा निपुण छिन |
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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उनि, हप्ता मा एक पटक आफ्ना श्रीमान् लै भन्छिन्,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"मैले यो घर र बालबच्चाहरु को लागि जे जे गरे त्यसको लागि तपाईले मलाई धन्यवाद दिनुहोस् भन्ने चाहान्छु"
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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अनि उनि भन्छन, "ओहो, यो अति सुन्दर हो, अति सुन्दर हो"
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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र प्रसंशा साँच्चिकै निष्कपट हुनुपर्छ,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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तर पनि उनि त्यो जिम्मेवारी लिन्छिन् |
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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अनि मेरो एक जना साथी, अप्रिल, जो म संग शिशु कक्षा देखि छिन्,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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उनि आफ्ना नानीहरु लाई आफ्नो काम गर्दा पनि धन्यवाद दिन्छिन् |
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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अनि उनले भनिन्, "म किन धन्यवाद नदिउँ, त्यो उनीहरू ले गर्नै पर्ने भएता पनि?
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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अब प्रश्न यो आउछ कि, म किन त्यो कुरा लाई रोकिरहेको थिए त?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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अन्य व्यक्तिहरुले किन रोकिरहेका छन् त?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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म किन "मलाई ठिक्क पाकेको सेकुवा मन पर्छ,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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मलाई छ नंबर को जुत्ता चाहिन्छ," भन्छु, तर
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"के तपाई मलाई यसरी प्रसंशा गर्नुहुन्छ?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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र त्यो किन कि म तपाईलाई मेरो बारे सम्वेदनशील तथ्य दिईरहेको छु |
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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म तपाईलाई म कहाँ असुरक्षित छु भनिरहेको छु |
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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म तपाईलाई मलाई तपाईको सहयोग कहाँ चाहिन्छ भनिरहेको छु |
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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र पनि म तपाई, मेरो निकटस्थ, लाई
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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शत्रु जस्तो व्यवहार गरिरहेको छु |
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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किनकि तपाईले त्यो तथ्य लाई के गर्नुहुन्छ भनेर?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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तपाईले मलाई वेवास्था गर्न सक्नुहुन्छ |
02:17
You could abuse it.
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तपाईले त्यसलाई दुरुपयोग गर्नसक्नु हुन्छ
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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अथवा तपाईले साच्चिकै मेरो आवश्यकता पुरा गर्न सक्नुहुन्छ |
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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अब मैले मेरो बाईक लाई बाईक पसल मा लगें - यो प्रसङ्ग मलाई मन पर्छ --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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त्यहि बाईक, र उनीहरुले चक्कालाई सन्तुलित बनाउछन |
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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त्यो गर्ने मान्छे ले भन्यो, "तपाईलाई थाहा छ, जब तपाई चक्का लाई सन्तुलित पार्नु हुन्छ,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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त्यसले त्यो बाईक लाई धेरै राम्रो बनाउछ |"
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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म त्यहि बाईक फिर्ता पाउछु,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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र उनीहरुले त्यहि चक्काको सबै स-साना असन्तुलन हटाउछन्
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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त्यो म संग साढे-दुई बर्ष सम्म थियो, र अब एकाएक मेरो बाईक नयाँ जस्तै भयो |
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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त्यसैले म तपाईहरु लाई चुनौती दिनचाहान्छु |
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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म तपाईहरु आफ्नो चक्का सन्तुलित बनाउनुहोस भन्ने चाहान्छु :
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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आफुले सुन्न चाहेको प्रसंशा बारे इमान्दार हुनुहोस |
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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तपाई के सुन्न चाहनुहुन्छ ? घरमा आफ्नी श्रीमती संग जानुस
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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र उनलाई सोध्नुस, उनि के चाहिन्छिन ?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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घरमा आफ्ना श्रीमान संग जानुस -- उनि के चाहन्छन ?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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घर जानुस र यी प्रश्नहरु सोच्नुस र त्यसपछि आफु वरिपरी का अन्य लाई सहयोग गर्नुस् |
02:52
And it's simple.
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र त्यो एकदमै साधारण छ |
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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हामीले यसको वास्ता नै किन गर्ने र ?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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हामी विश्व शान्ति को कुरा गर्छौ |
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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विभिन्न संस्कृति, विभिन्न भाषाहरु बाट हामी कसरी विश्व शान्ति प्राप्त गर्न सक्छौ ?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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मलाई लाग्छ यो सब घर घर बाट सुरु हुन्छ, एउटै छाना मुनि |
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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त्यसैले हामी यसलाई आफ्नै आँगन बाट सुरु गरौं |
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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म यहाँ दर्शकदीर्घा सबै लाई धन्यवाद दिन चाहान्छु
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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एक महान पति, महान आमा,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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साथीभाई, छोरीहरु अनि छोराहरु भईदिनु भएको मा |
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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तपाईहरुलाई कहिल्यै कसैले त्यसो भनेको छैन होला,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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तर तपाईहरुले साँच्चिकै राम्रो काम गर्नुभएको छ |
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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र यहाँ उपस्थित भईदिनु भएको मा धेरै धन्यवाद, यहाँ आइदिएर
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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र आफ्ना विचारहरु द्वारा संसार मा परिवर्तन ल्याउनुभएको मा |
03:20
Thank you.
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धन्यवाद |
03:22
(Applause)
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(ताली)
Translated by Suresh Gautam
Reviewed by Deepak Basyal

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.

Why you should listen

Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.

In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.

More profile about the speaker
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com