TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice teeb ettepaneku, et me kõik ütleksime "aitäh".
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Oma petlikult lihtsas kolmeminutilises kõnes arutleb doktor Laura Trice võlusõna "aitäh" üle, mille abil saab süvendada sõprust, parandada suhteid ja anda teisele inimesele otseselt mõista, kui tähtis ta sulle on. Proovi järele!
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Tere. Olen siin selleks, et rääkida, kui tähtis on
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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kiita, imetleda ja tänada
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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ning teha seda konkreetselt ja ehedalt.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Mind hakkas see huvitama, sest
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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märkasin enda juures lapsena ja
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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koguni veel mõned aastad tagasi,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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et tahtsin kedagi tänada,
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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tahtsin kiita
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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ja omakorda kiitust vastu võtta,
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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kuid miskipärast ei teinud seda.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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Küsisin endalt, miks?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Tundsin kohmetust, piinlikkust.
00:45
And then my question became,
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Mul tekkis küsimus,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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kas ma olen ainus, kellega on nii?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Otsustasin seda uurida.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Mul on vedanud, sest töötan võõrutuskeskuses,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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ja näen inimesi, kelle jaoks sõltuvus on elu ja surma küsimus.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Selle taga võib olla midagi väga lihtsat - inimese suurim valu
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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võib seisneda selles, et tema isa suri, ütlemata kunagi, et on tema üle uhke.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Siis ta kuuleb sõprade ja sugulaste käest,
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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et isa rääkis kõigile teistele, kui uhke ta tema üle oli,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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aga pojale ei öelnud ta seda kunagi.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Sest ta ei teadnud, et pojal on vaja seda kuulda.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Minu küsimus on, et miks me ei küsi seda, mida vajame?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Tean meest, kes on olnud 25 aastat abielus
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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ja igatseb, et ta naine talle ütleks:
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Aitäh, et sa leiba teenid, et mina võiksin lastega kodus olla,"
01:25
but won't ask.
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aga ei küsi seda temalt.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Tean ühte naist, kes seda hästi oskab.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Kord nädalas läheb ta oma mehe juurde ja ütleb:
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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"Tahaksin, et sa tänaksid mind kõige eest, mida ma kodu ja laste heaks tegin."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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Mees vastab: "Oh, see on fantastiline ja see ..."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Kiitmine peab muidugi olema siiras,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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aga naine osutab ise initsiatiivi.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Minu sõbranna April, keda tunnen juba lasteaiast,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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tänab oma lapsi koduste toimetuste eest.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Ta ütles: "Miks mitte tänada, kuigi see on nende kohustus?"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Küsimus on niisiis, miks ma seda vältisin?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Miks teised inimesed seda vältisid?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Miks ma suudan öelda: "Soovin oma biifsteeki keskmiselt küpsetatuna,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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mul on vaja number 38 kingi," aga ma ei suuda öelda:
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"Palun kiida mind selle eest?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Põhjuseks on, et ma annan enda kohta teada kriitilisi andmeid.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Ma annan mõista, milles tunnen end ebakindlalt.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Ütlen välja, milles vajan teie abi.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Aga ma kohtlen teid, oma lähiringkonda,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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justkui vaenlast.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Sest mida te võite nende andmetega peale hakata?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Võite mind eirata.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Võite neid kurjasti ära kasutada.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Või siis võite minu vajadusi täita.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Ma viisin oma jalgratta hooldusesse ja nad
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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tegid sellega midagi, mille nimi on "kodarate timmimine".
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Mulle öeldi: "Teate, kui kodaraid timmida,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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sõidab ratas palju paremini."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Sain sama ratta tagasi,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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nad olid eemaldanud väikesed ebatasasused ratastelt,
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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millel olin kaks ja pool aastat ringi sõitnud ning jalgratas oli nagu uus.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Niisiis esitan teile kõigile väljakutse.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Tahan, et te oma kodaraid timmiksite:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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öelge ausalt, millist kiitust teil on vaja kuulda.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Mida teil on vaja kuulda? Minge koju oma naise juurde,
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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küsige temalt, mida ta vajab.
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Minge koju oma mehe juurde - mida tema vajab?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Minge koju ja küsige seda ning siis aidake inimesi enda lähedal.
02:52
And it's simple.
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See on lihtne.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Miks me peaksime sellest hoolima?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Me räägime ülemaailmsest rahust.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Kuidas suudame saavutada ülemaailmset rahu keset erinevaid kultuure ja keeli?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Minu meelest algab see kodust, neist, kes elavad sama katuse all.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Ajame kõigepealt asjad oma koduhoovis korda.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Ma tahan tänada kogu tänast publikut,
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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et te olete suurepärased abikaasad, emad,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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sõbrad, tütred, pojad.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Võib-olla pole keegi teile seda kunagi öelnud,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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aga te olete oma tööga tõesti väga hästi hakkama saanud.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Aitäh teile, et te siin olete, et te kohale tulite
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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ja muudate oma ideedega maailma.
03:20
Thank you.
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Aitäh teile.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Aplaus)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com