ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.

Why you should listen

Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.

Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.

Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.

More profile about the speaker
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2016

Elizabeth Lesser: Say your truths and seek them in others

伊莉莎白.雷斯兒: 說出你的真相,並探詢其他人的真理

Filmed:
1,709,264 views

在這場情感豐富、意想不到有關破碎的親密關係以及愛人死亡的風趣談話中,伊莉莎白.雷斯兒(Elizabeth Lesser)向我們闡述了她如何放下自尊心與防衛心,讓她與妹妹敞開靈魂說實話的心靈修復歷程。她說,「你不必非等到生死攸關的盡頭才願意釐清對你重要的人際關係,我們要當第一個回應的人...當第一個勇敢踏出第一步走向另一個人的人」。
- Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:13
Like many許多 of us,
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和大多數人一樣,
00:14
I've had several一些 careers職業生涯 in my life,
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我這一生做了很多工作,
00:17
and although雖然 they've他們已經 been varied多變,
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雖然工作性質很不一樣,
00:19
my first job工作 set the foundation基礎
for all of them.
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但我的第一份工作
奠定了往後工作的基礎。
00:23
I was a home-birth家庭出生 midwife助產士
throughout始終 my 20s.
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我 20 歲的那幾年,從事的是家庭助產士。
00:27
Delivering交付 babies嬰兒 taught me
valuable有價值 and sometimes有時 surprising奇怪 things,
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接生小孩讓我學會了很多
令人驚嘆的事情,
00:32
like how to start開始 a car汽車 at 2am.
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像是如何在凌晨2點
零下10度時發動車子。
00:35
when it's 10 degrees below下面 zero.
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00:37
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
00:38
Or how to revive復活 a father父親
who's誰是 fainted昏厥 at the sight視力 of blood血液.
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或像是如何叫醒一個
看到血就暈倒的爸爸。
00:42
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
00:43
Or how to cut the umbilical臍帶 cord just so,
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或是如何把臍帶剪得剛好,
00:46
to make a beautiful美麗 belly肚皮 button按鍵.
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就為了一個漂亮的肚臍。
00:48
But those aren't the things
that stuck卡住 with me or guided引導 me
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但當我不再做助產士,開始其它工作時,
並不是這些事情一直陪伴或是指引我。
00:52
when I stopped停止 being存在 a midwife助產士
and started開始 other jobs工作.
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00:56
What stuck卡住 with me was this bedrock基岩 belief信仰
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一直陪伴我的是這個堅如磐石的信仰:
01:00
that each one of us comes into this world世界
with a unique獨特 worth價值.
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我們每個人都帶著
獨特的意義來到這個世界。
01:06
When I looked看著 into the face面對 of a newborn新生,
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當我看著新生兒的臉蛋時,
01:10
I caught抓住 a glimpse一瞥 of that worthiness老有所為,
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我看見的是那無價、
01:13
that sense of unapologetic毫無歉意 selfhood個性,
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天真無邪的
01:16
that unique獨特 spark火花.
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獨特火花。
01:20
I use the word "soul靈魂"
to describe描述 that spark火花,
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我之所以會用「靈魂」來形容那種火花的原因,
01:24
because it's the only word in English英語
that comes close to naming命名
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是因為靈魂是唯一個可以用來形容
新生命初來到世上時的英文字。
01:29
what each baby寶寶 brought into the room房間.
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01:32
Every一切 newborn新生 was as singular單數
as a snowflake雪花,
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每一個新生命如雪花般的非凡,
01:37
a matchless無比 mash-up混搭 of biology生物學
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一個融合了生物學、
01:40
and ancestry祖先 and mystery神秘.
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血統和神秘的無價小生命。
01:43
And then that baby寶寶 grows成長 up,
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然後寶寶長大了,
01:46
and in order訂購 to fit適合 into the family家庭,
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為了融入家庭、
01:48
to conform符合 to the culture文化,
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順應文化,
01:50
to the community社區, to the gender性別,
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順應社區,順應性別角色,
01:53
that little one begins開始 to cover its soul靈魂,
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這個小生命會開始
01:56
layer by layer.
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一層一層地覆蓋上靈魂,
01:58
We're born天生 this way,
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我們都是這樣長大的,
02:00
but --
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但...
02:01
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
02:03
But as we grow增長, a lot
of things happen發生 to us
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長大後,我們發生了很多事,
02:06
that make us ...
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讓我們...
02:09
want to hide隱藏 our soulful深情
eccentricities怪癖 and authenticity真偽.
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想隱藏我們搞怪卻又真實的靈魂。
02:14
We've我們已經 all doneDONE this.
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我們都有這樣做過。
02:16
Everyone大家 in this room房間 is a former前任的 baby寶寶 --
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這個房間裡的每個人都曾是嬰兒——
02:19
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
02:20
with a distinctive獨特 birthright長子繼承權.
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有著與眾不同的天賦。
02:23
But as adults成年人, we spend so much
of our time uncomfortable不舒服 in our own擁有 skin皮膚,
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但身為成年人的我們,我們在這層皮囊下,
多數時間都過得不如意,
02:28
like we have ADD:
authenticity真偽 deficit赤字 disorder紊亂.
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彷彿我們有ADD:真實性缺陷障礙症。
02:33
But not those babies嬰兒 --
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但那些嬰兒——
02:35
not yet然而.
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還沒有。
02:36
Their message信息 to me was:
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他們給我的信息是:
02:38
uncover揭露 your soul靈魂
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敞開你的靈魂
02:40
and look for that soul-spark靈魂火花
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並尋找每個人的
02:43
in everyone大家 else其他.
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靈魂火花,
02:45
It's still there.
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它依然存在每個人心中。
02:47
And here's這裡的 what I learned學到了
from laboring勞動 women婦女.
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我從產婦那裏學到:
02:50
Their message信息 was about staying open打開,
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她們的訊息告訴我,要保持樂觀開放,
02:53
even when things are painful痛苦.
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即使相當痛苦。
02:56
A woman's女人的 cervix宮頸 normally一般 looks容貌 like this.
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通常,女人的子宮頸看起來就像這樣,
02:59
It's a tight little muscle肌肉
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牠是子宮底部
03:01
at the base基礎 of the uterus子宮.
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一塊緊緻的小肌肉,
03:03
And during labor勞動,
it has to stretch伸展 from this
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而當在分娩時,洞會從這麼大,
03:07
to this.
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擴張大這麼大。
03:08
Ouch哎喲!
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痛啊!
03:10
If you fight鬥爭 against反對 that pain疼痛,
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如果你與疼痛抗爭
03:13
you just create創建 more pain疼痛,
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你只會更痛,
03:15
and you block what wants to be born天生.
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你只會堵住了那躍躍欲出的生命。
03:18
I'll never forget忘記 the magic魔法
that would happen發生
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我永遠忘不了奇蹟發生的那一刻,
當產婦停止對痛苦的抵抗,
03:22
when a woman女人 stopped停止 resisting抵制 the pain疼痛
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並張開子宮口時,
03:26
and opened打開.
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03:27
It was as if the forces軍隊
of the universe宇宙 took notice注意
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彷彿宇宙的力量聽到了我們的呼喚,
03:31
and sent發送 in a wave of help.
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並幫忙推了一把。
03:33
I never forgot忘記 that message信息,
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我永遠忘不了那訊息,
03:35
and now, when difficult
or painful痛苦 things happen發生 to me
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現在,當我在生活或工作中
03:39
in my life or my work,
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遇到困境時,
03:41
of course課程 at first I resist them,
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一開始我當然會抵抗,
03:44
but then I remember記得
what I learned學到了 from the mothers母親:
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但之後我就會回想到
從媽媽們那邊學到的:
03:47
stay open打開.
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保持開放、
03:49
Stay curious好奇.
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保持好奇。
03:50
Ask the pain疼痛 what it's come to deliver交付.
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詢問這個痛苦是要傳遞甚麼訊息給我,
03:54
Something new wants to be born天生.
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有甚麼新事物要到來。
03:57
And there was one more big soulful深情 lesson,
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還有更重要的一堂靈魂課程,
03:59
and that one I learned學到了
from Albert阿爾伯特 Einstein愛因斯坦.
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我是從愛因斯坦那邊學到的。
04:02
He wasn't at any of the births出生, but --
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他是不懂接生啦,但...
04:04
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
04:05
It was a lesson about time.
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這是一堂與時間有關的課程。
04:09
At the end結束 of his life,
Albert阿爾伯特 Einstein愛因斯坦 concluded總結
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在愛因斯坦去世前,他總結出,
04:13
that our normal正常, hamster-wheel倉鼠輪
experience經驗 of life
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我們如倉鼠般平凡忙碌的生活,
04:18
is an illusion錯覺.
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是一種幻覺。
04:19
We run round回合 and round回合, faster更快 and faster更快,
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我們不停的奔跑,越跑越快,
04:22
trying to get somewhere某處.
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嘗試著想到達某一個地方,
04:24
And all the while,
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但回頭一看,
04:27
underneath surface表面 time
is this whole整個 other dimension尺寸
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在時間表像的背後,是另一個維度,
04:31
where the past過去 and the present當下
and the future未來 merge合併
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是一個過去、現在與未來的結合體,
04:36
and become成為 deep time.
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它們變成深度時光,
04:39
And there's nowhere無處 to get to.
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到了那個境界,你哪都不用去了。
04:42
Albert阿爾伯特 Einstein愛因斯坦 called
this state, this dimension尺寸,
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愛因斯坦稱這種狀態,這種維度為:
04:47
"only being存在."
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「原生 」
04:48
And he said when he experienced有經驗的 it,
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他說,當他切身體會到 「原生」時,
04:50
he knew知道 sacred神聖 awe威嚴.
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他感受到無比神聖的敬畏。
04:53
When I was delivering交付 babies嬰兒,
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當我在接生嬰兒時,
04:55
I was forced被迫 off the hamster倉鼠 wheel.
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我被迫脫離忙碌的生活。
04:57
Sometimes有時 I had to sit for days,
hours小時 and hours小時,
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有時候得坐上好幾個小時乃至好幾天,
05:01
just breathing呼吸 with the parents父母;
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僅為了與父母親們一起偋住呼吸;
05:03
just being存在.
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迎接「原生」的到來。
05:05
And I got a big dose劑量 of sacred神聖 awe威嚴.
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這時我就會感受到
無比的神聖敬畏。
05:09
So those are the three lessons教訓
I took with me from midwifery助產.
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所以,這些就是一直陪伴著我
的三堂助產士課程。
05:14
One: uncover揭露 your soul靈魂.
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一:敞開你的靈魂。
05:17
Two: when things get difficult
or painful痛苦, try to stay open打開.
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二:當事情變得困難或痛苦時,
盡量保持開放。
05:23
And three: every一切 now and then,
step off your hamster倉鼠 wheel
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三:無論何時,盡快脫離倉鼠式的忙碌生活,
05:27
into deep time.
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進入深度時光。
05:30
Those lessons教訓 have served提供服務 me
throughout始終 my life,
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這些課程伴隨了我一生,
05:34
but they really served提供服務 me recently最近,
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但最近它讓我感受最深的
05:37
when I took on the most
important重要 job工作 of my life thus從而 far.
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是在我經歷了最重要的人生課程的時候。
05:42
Two years年份 ago, my younger更年輕 sister妹妹
came來了 out of remission緩解
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兩年前,我妹妹
剛從罕見的血癌病症中康復,
05:46
from a rare罕見 blood血液 cancer癌症,
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05:49
and the only treatment治療 left for her
was a bone marrow骨髓 transplant移植.
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之後唯一能夠治療她的方法
就只剩骨髓移植。
05:54
And against反對 the odds可能性,
we found發現 a match比賽 for her,
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歷經千辛萬苦,
我們找到了符合她配型的人,
05:57
who turned轉身 out to be me.
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結果那個人就是我。
06:00
I come from a family家庭 of four girls女孩,
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我來自四個女生的家庭
06:04
and when my sisters姐妹 found發現 out that
I was my sister's姐妹 perfect完善 genetic遺傳 match比賽,
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當姊妹們發現
我是我妹的最佳配型時,
她們的反應是,「不會吧?怎麼是你?」
06:10
their reaction反應 was, "Really? You?"
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06:12
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
06:14
"A perfect完善 match比賽 for her?"
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「她的最佳配型?」
06:16
Which哪一個 is pretty漂亮 typical典型 for siblings兄弟姐妹.
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這是典型親戚的反應。
06:19
In a sibling兄弟 society社會,
there's lots of things.
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親人間,有很多故事。
06:22
There's love and there's friendship友誼
and there's protection保護.
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有愛、有友誼、有保護。
06:26
But there's also jealousy妒忌
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但也有嫉妒
06:28
and competition競爭
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和競爭
06:30
and rejection拒絕 and attack攻擊.
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拒絕和攻擊。
06:33
In siblinghoodsiblinghood, that's where we start開始
assembling組裝 many許多 of those first layers
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在親人關係中,我們開始組成靈魂的層次,
這是覆蓋我們靈魂第一層的地方。
06:39
that cover our soul靈魂.
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06:42
When I discovered發現 I was my sister's姐妹 match比賽,
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當我知道我是我妹妹的最佳配型時,
06:45
I went into research研究 mode模式.
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我進入了研究模式。
06:47
And I discovered發現 that
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而我發現
06:50
the premise前提 of transplants移植
is pretty漂亮 straightforward直截了當.
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移植的原理是很直截了當的。
06:52
You destroy破壞 all the bone marrow骨髓
in the cancer癌症 patient患者
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你只要破壞癌症患者的所有骨髓
06:56
with massive大規模的 doses劑量 of chemotherapy化療,
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用大量的化療方式,
06:59
and then you replace更換 that marrow骨髓
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以數百萬的健康骨髓細胞
07:01
with several一些 million百萬 healthy健康
marrow骨髓 cells細胞 from a donor捐贈者.
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替換病患的骨髓即可。
07:05
And then you do everything you can
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想盡辦法,盡可能的確保
07:07
to make sure that those new cells細胞
engraft灌輸 in the patient患者.
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那些新細胞有植入到患者體內。
07:12
I also learned學到了 that bone marrow骨髓
transplants移植 are fraught誤人子弟 with danger危險.
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我也了解到骨髓移植充滿了危險。
07:17
If my sister妹妹 made製作 it
through通過 the near-lethal近致死 chemotherapy化療,
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如果我妹度過了
幾近死亡的化療過程,
07:22
she still would face面對 other challenges挑戰.
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她仍然有其它的挑戰需克服。
07:25
My cells細胞
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我的細胞
07:28
might威力 attack攻擊 her body身體.
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可能會攻擊她的身體。
07:31
And her body身體 might威力 reject拒絕 my cells細胞.
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而她的身體可能會拒絕我的細胞。
07:34
They call this rejection拒絕 or attack攻擊,
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他們稱之為排斥或攻擊,
07:37
and both could kill her.
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這兩種狀況都可能致死。
07:39
Rejection拒絕. Attack攻擊.
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拒絕,攻擊。
07:42
Those words had a familiar ring
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這些字眼,在親人圈裡,
07:44
in the context上下文 of being存在 siblings兄弟姐妹.
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是相當司空見慣的。
07:47
My sister妹妹 and I had
a long history歷史 of love,
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我妹和我有一段很長的友愛歷史,
07:50
but we also had a long history歷史
of rejection拒絕 and attack攻擊,
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但我們也有長期互看不爽
和攻擊對方的歷史,
07:54
from minor次要 misunderstandings誤解
to bigger betrayals背叛.
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從小小的誤解到重大的背叛。
07:59
We didn't have
the kind of the relationship關係
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我們當時根本談不上甚麼
08:01
where we talked about the deeper更深 stuff東東;
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更深層的東西;
08:03
but, like many許多 siblings兄弟姐妹 and like people
in all kinds of relationships關係,
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但,就像很多親人和
其他處與各種關係的人們一樣,
08:08
we were hesitant to tell our truths真理,
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彼此之間不好意思說出實話、
08:11
to reveal揭示 our wounds傷口,
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很難互相傾訴痛苦、
08:14
to admit承認 our wrongdoings惡行.
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不願承認犯過的錯誤。
08:17
But when I learned學到了 about
the dangers危險 of rejection拒絕 or attack攻擊,
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但當我了解拒絕或攻擊的危險時,
08:22
I thought, it's time to change更改 this.
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我在想,是時候要改變了。
08:25
What if we left the bone marrow骨髓
transplant移植 up to the doctors醫生,
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要是我們就讓醫生做骨髓移植手術,
08:29
but did something that we later後來 came來了
to call our "soul靈魂 marrow骨髓 transplant移植?"
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我們彼此做「靈魂的骨髓移植手術」?
08:36
What if we faced面對 any pain疼痛
we had caused造成 each other,
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要是我們可以坦然面對
造成對方受傷的事情,
08:40
and instead代替 of rejection拒絕 or attack攻擊,
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而不是拒絕或攻擊,
08:43
could we listen?
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我們可以互相傾聽嗎?
08:45
Could we forgive原諒?
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我們可以原諒彼此嗎?
08:47
Could we merge合併?
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我們可以再度結合嗎?
08:48
Would that teach our cells細胞 to do the same相同?
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這可以讓我們的細胞也做同樣的事嗎?
08:53
To woo求愛 my skeptical懷疑的 sister妹妹,
I turned轉身 to my parents'父母' holy text文本:
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為了博取瘦骨如柴妹妹的歡心,
我找上了爸媽拜讀的聖經:
08:58
the New Yorker紐約客 Magazine雜誌.
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《紐約人雜誌》
08:59
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
09:01
I sent發送 her a cartoon動畫片 from its pages網頁
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我傳送了一張裡面的照片給她,
09:05
as a way of explaining說明
why we should visit訪問 a therapist治療師
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在收成並移植我的骨髓到她身體裡面之前,
09:09
before having my bone marrow骨髓 harvested收穫
and transplanted移植 into her body身體.
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解釋了一下我們為什麼要去找醫生治療。
09:14
Here it is.
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就是這一張。
09:15
"I have never forgiven原諒 him for that thing
I made製作 up in my head."
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我永遠不會原諒他那件
我自己腦袋瞎掰出來的事。
09:19
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
09:22
I told my sister妹妹
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我告訴我的妹妹
09:24
we had probably大概 been doing the same相同 thing,
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我們可能彼此做了同樣的事情,
09:27
carting卡丁車 around made-up捏造 stories故事
in our heads that kept不停 us separate分離.
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腦海陷入在虛構故事的泥沼裡,
讓彼此斷絕關係。
09:34
And I told her that after the transplant移植,
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我告訴她骨髓移植之後,
09:37
all of the blood血液 flowing流動 in her veins
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所有流動在她靜脈的血液
09:39
would be my blood血液,
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將會是從我的骨髓細胞中
09:41
made製作 from my marrow骨髓 cells細胞,
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製造出來的血,
09:44
and that inside the nucleus
of each of those cells細胞
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而這些細胞裡的細胞核
09:48
is a complete完成 set of my DNA脫氧核糖核酸.
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都是由我的 DNA 所組成。
09:51
"I will be swimming游泳的 around in you
for the rest休息 of your life,"
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我向我那有點嚇壞的妹妹說,
09:54
I told my slightly horrified嚇壞了 sister妹妹.
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「在你的餘生,我會在你體內游來游去」。
09:57
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
09:59
"I think we better clean清潔 up
our relationship關係."
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我想我們最好整理一下我們的關係。
10:04
A health健康 crisis危機 makes品牌 people
do all sorts排序 of risky有風險 things,
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嚴重的健康問題,
可以讓人做出任何冒險的決定,
10:07
like quitting戒菸 a job工作
or jumping跳躍 out of an airplane飛機
192
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像是辭職或是從飛機上跳下來,
10:11
and, in the case案件 of my sister妹妹,
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而以我妹妹的案例而言,
10:13
saying "yes" to several一些 therapy治療 sessions會議,
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她在骨髓移植期間的
一些治療階段,只能說「好」。
10:17
during which哪一個 we got down to the marrow骨髓.
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10:23
We looked看著 at and released發布 years年份 of stories故事
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我們回顧並互相坦白這幾年來發生的事、
10:28
and assumptions假設 about each other
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彼此間的臆測、責備、
10:30
and blame and shame恥辱
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羞辱,
10:32
until直到 all that was left was love.
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直到剩下愛。
10:38
People have said I was brave勇敢
to undergo經歷 the bone marrow骨髓 harvest收成,
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大家說我很勇敢,有勇氣去
動骨髓移植的手術,
10:42
but I don't think so.
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但我不這麼認為。
10:44
What felt brave勇敢 to me
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讓我有勇氣的是
10:46
was that other kind
of harvest收成 and transplant移植,
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另一種移植,
10:49
the soul靈魂 marrow骨髓 transplant移植,
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一種與另一個人坦白彼此情感的
10:51
getting得到 emotionally感情上 naked
with another另一個 human人的 being存在,
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靈魂骨髓移植,
10:55
putting aside在旁邊 pride自豪 and defensiveness防禦,
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一種放下自尊心和防禦心,
10:59
lifting吊裝 the layers
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昇華到另一種層次的移植,
11:01
and sharing分享 with each other
our vulnerable弱勢 souls靈魂.
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我們分享彼此脆弱的靈魂。
11:06
I called on those midwife助產士 lessons教訓:
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我回顧了從助產士所學到的這些課程:
11:09
uncover揭露 your soul靈魂.
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敞開你的靈魂。
11:11
Open打開 to what's scary害怕 and painful痛苦.
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對害怕與痛苦保持樂觀開放。
11:14
Look for the sacred神聖 awe威嚴.
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尋找神聖的敬畏。
11:17
Here I am with my marrow骨髓 cells細胞
after the harvest收成.
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移植之後,我跟我的骨髓細胞拍了張照片。
11:21
That's they call it -- "harvest收成,"
214
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1900
他們說,這是收成,
11:23
like it's some kind of bucolic牧歌
farm-to-table農場到餐桌 event事件 --
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3200
有點像把田園菜端上桌的過程——
11:26
(Laughter笑聲)
216
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1158
(笑聲)
11:27
Which哪一個 I can assure保證 you it is not.
217
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但我可以向各位保證,並不是那樣。
11:31
And here is my brave勇敢, brave勇敢 sister妹妹
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這張是我勇敢的妹妹,
接收我細胞時的照片。
11:34
receiving接收 my cells細胞.
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11:37
After the transplant移植, we began開始 to spend
more and more time together一起.
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移植後,我們開始花越來越多的時間在一起。
11:42
It was as if we were little girls女孩 again.
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我們彷彿又回到了小女孩時代。
11:45
The past過去 and the present當下 merged合併的.
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過去與現在融合在一起。
11:48
We entered進入 deep time.
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我們進入到深度時光。
11:51
I left the hamster倉鼠 wheel of work and life
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我離開了倉鼠式的工作與生活,
11:55
to join加入 my sister妹妹
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來幫助妹妹,
11:57
on that lonely孤獨 island
226
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1997
一起度過疾病和治療的孤單島嶼。
12:00
of illness疾病 and healing復原.
227
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12:02
We spent花費 months個月 together一起 --
228
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1843
我們在一起好幾個月——
12:04
in the isolation隔離 unit單元,
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在隔離病房中,
12:06
in the hospital醫院 and in her home.
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在醫院和在她家中。
12:10
Our fast-paced快節奏 society社會
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我們快速節奏的社會
12:12
does not support支持 or even value
this kind of work.
232
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並不支持或甚至認為這樣的工作不值。
12:17
We see it as a disruption瓦解
of real真實 life and important重要 work.
233
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我們把它視為真實生活中
或重要工作中的絆腳石。
12:21
We worry擔心 about the emotional情緒化 drain排水
and the financial金融 cost成本 --
234
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我們擔心情感的流失及金錢上的損失——
12:25
and, yes, there is a financial金融 cost成本.
235
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3575
的確,是有金錢上的付出。
12:29
But I was paid支付
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1674
但我是用一種
12:31
in the kind of currency貨幣 our culture文化
seems似乎 to have forgotten忘記了 all about.
237
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我們文化似乎已經遺忘的金錢來支付的。
12:37
I was paid支付 in love.
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我是用愛支付的,
12:39
I was paid支付 in soul靈魂.
239
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1745
我是用靈魂支付的,
12:41
I was paid支付 in my sister妹妹.
240
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我是用我妹支付的。
12:44
My sister妹妹 said the year after transplant移植
was the best最好 year of her life,
241
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5192
我妹說,在移植後的那一年,
是她生命中最棒的一年,
12:50
which哪一個 was surprising奇怪.
242
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她相當開心。
12:51
She suffered遭遇 so much.
243
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她這麼痛苦。
12:54
But she said life never tasted as sweet,
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但她說,生活再也不會那樣的甜蜜,
12:58
and that because of the soul-baring靈魂霸菱
245
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2744
因為我們彼此
13:00
and the truth-telling講真話
we had doneDONE with each other,
246
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敞開靈魂說實話,
13:03
she became成為 more unapologetically辯解 herself她自己
247
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3816
她面對每個人時,
變得很自責。
13:07
with everyone大家.
248
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13:08
She said things
she'd always needed需要 to say.
249
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她說出了她一直想說的話。
13:11
She did things she always wanted to do.
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她做出了她一直想做的事。
13:15
The same相同 happened發生 for me.
251
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我也一樣。
13:17
I became成為 braver勇敢 about being存在 authentic真實
with the people in my life.
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我在面對生命中的人們時,
變得更加勇敢真誠。
13:23
I said my truths真理,
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我說出了我的真理,
13:25
but more important重要 than that,
I sought追捧 the truth真相 of others其他.
254
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4595
但更重要的是,我也找到了別人的真理。
13:31
It wasn't until直到
the final最後 chapter章節 of this story故事
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3384
直到這個故事的最後一章,
13:35
that I realized實現 just how well
midwifery助產 had trained熟練 me.
256
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我才了解到助產士把我教地多好。
13:39
After that best最好 year of my sister's姐妹 life,
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在度過了我妹妹人生中最棒的那一年後,
13:42
the cancer癌症 came來了 roaring咆哮 back,
258
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2001
癌症再度復發,
13:44
and this time there was nothing more
the doctors醫生 could do.
259
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這一回,醫生們也沒轍了,
13:47
They gave her just
a couple一對 of months個月 to live生活.
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他們告訴她,她剩下幾個月的時間可活。
13:52
The night before my sister妹妹 died死亡,
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2377
在我妹妹去世之前的前一晚,
13:55
I satSAT by her bedside床頭.
262
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2708
我坐在她的床邊。
13:57
She was so small and thin.
263
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2283
她是如此的瘦弱,
14:00
I could see the blood血液 pulsing脈動 in her neck頸部.
264
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2523
我看著她脖子上血的脈動,
14:03
It was my blood血液, her blood血液, our blood血液.
265
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流的是我的血、她的血、我們的血。
14:08
When she died死亡, part部分 of me would die, too.
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當她死了,我生命中的一部分也死了。
14:12
I tried試著 to make sense of it all,
267
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4672
我嘗試地去了解整個道理,
14:17
how becoming變得 one with each other
268
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如何讓大家融為一體,
14:20
had made製作 us more ourselves我們自己,
269
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2009
讓我們成為真正的自己,
14:22
our soul靈魂 selves自我,
270
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1507
擁有真誠的靈魂,
14:24
and how by facing面對 and opening開盤
to the pain疼痛 of our past過去,
271
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5193
如何面對並敞開我們過去的痛苦,
14:29
we'd星期三 finally最後 been delivered交付 to each other,
272
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2499
讓我們彼此最終能解脫,
14:32
and how by stepping步進 out of time,
273
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2250
如何跳脫時間的限制,
14:34
we would now be connected連接的 forever永遠.
274
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2408
讓我們永遠地連結在一起。
14:38
My sister妹妹 left me with so many許多 things,
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2930
我妹留下了很多給我,
14:42
and I'm going to leave離開 you now
with just one of them.
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2720
我想向各位分享其中一件事。
14:45
You don't have to wait
for a life-or-death生或死 situation情況
277
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4230
你不必非等到生死攸關的盡頭
14:50
to clean清潔 up the relationships關係
that matter to you,
278
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3119
才願意釐清對你很重要的人際關係、
14:53
to offer提供 the marrow骨髓 of your soul靈魂
279
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2623
才想奉獻你靈魂的骨髓
14:57
and to seek尋求 it in another另一個.
280
885157
2188
才想去尋找另一個靈魂。
15:00
We can all do this.
281
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1918
我們每個人都可以辦到。
15:02
We can be like a new kind
of first responder響應,
282
890239
4843
我們要當第一個回應的人,
15:07
like the one to take
the first courageous勇敢 step
283
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4203
要當一個可以勇敢踏出第一步
15:11
toward the other,
284
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1752
走向另一個人的人,
15:13
and to do something or try to do something
285
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3245
並做些事或嘗試做出些事,
15:16
other than rejection拒絕 or attack攻擊.
286
904951
3122
而不是拒絕或攻擊。
15:20
We can do this with our siblings兄弟姐妹
287
908545
2166
我們可以與我們的親人一起做,
15:22
and our mates隊友
288
910735
1402
與配偶一起做,
15:24
and our friends朋友 and our colleagues同事.
289
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2256
還有我們的朋友及同事。
15:26
We can do this with the disconnection斷開
290
914441
2628
我們可以向我們生活周遭
15:29
and the discord不和 all around us.
291
917093
2750
已經沒聯絡或曾經有過衝突的人這樣做。
15:32
We can do this for the soul靈魂 of the world世界.
292
920410
3666
為世界的靈魂我們可以這樣做。
15:36
Thank you.
293
924629
1191
謝謝。
15:37
(Applause掌聲)
294
925844
5996
(掌聲)
Translated by Yi-Fan Yu
Reviewed by Ellen Tung

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.

Why you should listen

Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.

Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.

Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.

More profile about the speaker
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com