TEDMED 2016
Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story
Sue Klebold: El meu fill va ser un dels assassins de Columbine. Aquesta és la meva història.
Filmed:
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10,022,839 views
Sue Klebold és la mare de Dylan Klebold, un dels dos assassins que van cometre la massacre a l'institut Columbine, acabant amb la vida de dotze estudiants i un professor. Ella s'ha passat anys desenterrant cada detall de la seva vida familiar, amb l'intenció d'arribar a entendre el que hagués pogut fer per evitar la violència del seu fill. Es tracta d'una xerrada dura en la que Klebold explora l'interseccionalitat entre salut mental i violència i demana als pares i als professionals que continuin examinant l'enllaç entre el pensament suïcida i l'homicida.
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:26
The last time I heard my son's voice
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L'última volta que vaig
sentir la veu del meu fill
sentir la veu del meu fill
00:28
was when he walked out the front door
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va ser quan sortia
per la porta de casa
per la porta de casa
00:30
on his way to school.
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per anar-se'n a escola.
00:33
He called out one word in the darkness:
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En la foscor va dir
una sola paraula:
una sola paraula:
00:36
"Bye."
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"Adéu."
00:38
It was April 20, 1999.
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Era el 20 d'abril del 1999.
00:41
Later that morning,
at Columbine High School,
at Columbine High School,
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Més tard, a l'institut Columbine,
00:44
my son Dylan and his friend Eric
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el meu fill Dylan y el seu amic Eric
00:47
killed 12 students and a teacher
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van assassinar 12 alumnes i un professor
00:51
and wounded more than 20 others
before taking their own lives.
before taking their own lives.
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i feriren més de 20 persones
abans de suicidar-se.
abans de suicidar-se.
00:56
Thirteen innocent people were killed,
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Tretze persones innocents
van ser assassinades,
van ser assassinades,
00:59
leaving their loved ones
in a state of grief and trauma.
in a state of grief and trauma.
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i els seus coneguts patiren
el dolor i el trauma.
el dolor i el trauma.
01:03
Others sustained injuries,
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Altres van rebre ferides i lesions,
01:05
some resulting in disfigurement
and permanent disability.
and permanent disability.
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algunes de les quals han resultat
en discapacitat permanent.
en discapacitat permanent.
01:10
But the enormity of the tragedy
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Però la enormitat de la tragèdia
01:12
can't be measured only by the number
of deaths and injuries that took place.
of deaths and injuries that took place.
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no pot medir-se només pel nombre
de morts i ferides.
de morts i ferides.
01:17
There's no way to quantify
the psychological damage
the psychological damage
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És impossible quantificar
el mal psicològic
el mal psicològic
01:21
of those who were in the school,
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que patiren aquells
que es trobàven a l'institut,
que es trobàven a l'institut,
01:23
or who took part
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
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o aquells que feren eines
de rescat o neteja.
de rescat o neteja.
01:27
There's no way to assess
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
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És impossible calcular la magnitud
d'una tragèdia com la de Columbine,
d'una tragèdia com la de Columbine,
01:31
especially when it can be a blueprint
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especialment quan pot donar idees
01:33
for other shooters who go on
to commit atrocities of their own.
to commit atrocities of their own.
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per altres assassins que cometran
les seues pròpies atrocitats.
les seues pròpies atrocitats.
01:38
Columbine was a tidal wave,
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La tragèdia de Columbine
va ser un sisme,
va ser un sisme,
01:41
and when the crash ended,
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i quan va acabar,
01:42
it would take years
for the community and for society
for the community and for society
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a la comunitat i la societat
els costaria anys
els costaria anys
01:46
to comprehend its impact.
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comprendre el seu impacte.
01:49
It has taken me years
to try to accept my son's legacy.
to try to accept my son's legacy.
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A mi m'ha costat anys intentar
acceptar el llegat del meu fill.
acceptar el llegat del meu fill.
01:54
The cruel behavior
that defined the end of his life
that defined the end of his life
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El comportament cruent que
va definir el final de la seua vida
va definir el final de la seua vida
01:57
showed me that he was a completely
different person from the one I knew.
different person from the one I knew.
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em va mostrar que era una persona
totalmente diferent a la que coneixia.
totalmente diferent a la que coneixia.
02:02
Afterwards people asked,
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Després la gent em preguntava,
02:05
"How could you not know?
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"Com pot ser que no ho saberes?"
02:07
What kind of a mother were you?"
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Quina mena de mare eres?"
02:10
I still ask myself those same questions.
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Jo encara em faig les mateixes preguntes.
02:14
Before the shootings,
I thought of myself as a good mom.
I thought of myself as a good mom.
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Abans de la matança,
pensava que era una bona mare.
pensava que era una bona mare.
02:17
Helping my children become caring,
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Intentar fer dels meus
fills persones afectuoses,
fills persones afectuoses,
02:20
healthy, responsible adults
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sanes i responsables
02:22
was the most important role of my life.
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era el paper més important
a la meua vida.
a la meua vida.
02:26
But the tragedy convinced me
that I failed as a parent,
that I failed as a parent,
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Però la tragèdia em va convèncer
de que havia fracassat com a mare,
de que havia fracassat com a mare,
02:30
and it's partially this sense of failure
that brings me here today.
that brings me here today.
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i, en part, és aquest sentiment de
fracàs el que m'ha fet vindre aquí avui.
fracàs el que m'ha fet vindre aquí avui.
02:36
Aside from his father,
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A banda del seu pare,
02:37
I was the one person
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
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jo era la persona
que més coneixia i estimava Dylan.
que més coneixia i estimava Dylan.
02:41
If anyone could have known
what was happening,
what was happening,
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Si algú hagués pogut
saber el que passava,
saber el que passava,
02:44
it should have been me, right?
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tindria que haver sigut jo, no?
02:47
But I didn't know.
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Però no ho sabia.
02:50
Today, I'm here to share the experience
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Avui he vingut a compartir què es sent
02:52
of what it's like to be the mother
of someone who kills and hurts.
of someone who kills and hurts.
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al ser la mare d'algú
que ha matat i ha fet mal.
que ha matat i ha fet mal.
02:57
For years after the tragedy,
I combed through memories,
I combed through memories,
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Els anys següents a la tragèdia
repassava els records
repassava els records
03:01
trying to figure out
exactly where I failed as a parent.
exactly where I failed as a parent.
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intentant esbrinar on exactament
havia fracassat com a mare.
havia fracassat com a mare.
03:05
But there are no simple answers.
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Però no hi ha respostes simples.
03:08
I can't give you any solutions.
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No puc donar-vos cap solució.
03:10
All I can do
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Tot el que puc fer
03:12
is share what I have learned.
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és compartir el que he aprés.
03:16
When I talk to people
who didn't know me before the shootings,
who didn't know me before the shootings,
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Quan parlo amb persones que
no em coneixien abans de la matança,
no em coneixien abans de la matança,
03:20
I have three challenges to meet.
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tinc que superar tres reptes.
03:22
First, when I walk into a room like this,
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Primer, quan entro en
una sala com aquesta,
una sala com aquesta,
03:26
I never know if someone there
has experienced loss
has experienced loss
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mai sé si algú ha patit
alguna pèrdua
alguna pèrdua
03:30
because of what my son did.
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pel que va fer el meu fill.
03:33
I feel a need to acknowledge the suffering
caused by a member of my family
caused by a member of my family
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Sento la necessitat de reconéixer
el patiment causat per un familiar meu
el patiment causat per un familiar meu
03:37
who isn't here to do it for himself.
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que no està aquí per fer-ho ell mateix.
03:40
So first, with all of my heart,
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Així que primer, amb tot el meu cor,
03:43
I'm sorry if my son has caused you pain.
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ho sent molt si el meu fill
us ha causat dolor.
us ha causat dolor.
03:48
The second challenge I have
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El segon repte al que m'enfronto
03:51
is that I must ask for understanding
and even compassion
and even compassion
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és que he de demanar
comprensió i fins i tot compassió
comprensió i fins i tot compassió
03:55
when I talk about
my son's death as a suicide.
my son's death as a suicide.
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quan parlo de la mort
del meu fill com un suïcidi.
del meu fill com un suïcidi.
03:59
Two years before he died,
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Dos anys abans de morir,
04:01
he wrote on a piece of paper in a notebook
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va escriure en un quadern
04:03
that he was cutting himself.
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que s'estava autolessionant.
04:06
He said that he was in agony
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Deia que vivia una agonía
04:07
and wanted to get a gun
so he could end his life.
so he could end his life.
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i que volia una pistola
per a acabar amb la seua vida.
per a acabar amb la seua vida.
04:11
I didn't know about any of this
until months after his death.
until months after his death.
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Jo no en sabia res d'això
fins mesos després de la seva mort.
fins mesos després de la seva mort.
04:15
When I talk about his death as a suicide,
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Quan parlo de la seva mort
com a un suïcidi,
com a un suïcidi,
04:19
I'm not trying to downplay the viciousness
he showed at the end of his life.
he showed at the end of his life.
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no intento minimitzar la crueltat
que va mostrar al final de la seva vida.
que va mostrar al final de la seva vida.
04:23
I'm trying to understand
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El que faig és intentar entendre
04:25
how his suicidal thinking
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com els seus pensaments suïcides
04:27
led to murder.
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van tornar-se assassinat.
04:30
After a lot of reading
and talking with experts,
and talking with experts,
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Després de llegir molt
i parlar amb experts,
i parlar amb experts,
04:33
I have come to believe
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he arribat a creure
04:35
that his involvement in the shootings
was rooted not in his desire to kill
was rooted not in his desire to kill
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que el seu involucrament en el tiroteig
no es deu al seu desig de matar
no es deu al seu desig de matar
04:40
but in his desire to die.
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sino al seu desig de morir.
04:43
The third challenge I have
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
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El tercer repte que trobe
al parlar d'aquest assassinat-suïcidi
al parlar d'aquest assassinat-suïcidi
04:48
is that I'm talking about mental health --
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és que en parlo de
la salut mental --
la salut mental --
04:52
excuse me --
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disculpeu-me --
04:53
is that I'm talking about mental health,
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és que en parlo de
la salut mental --
la salut mental --
04:56
or brain health, as I prefer to call it,
because it's more concrete.
because it's more concrete.
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o la salut del cervell, terme que
prefereixo per ser més concret.
prefereixo per ser més concret.
05:00
And in the same breath,
I'm talking about violence.
I'm talking about violence.
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I de passada,
parlo de violència.
parlo de violència.
05:04
The last thing I want to do
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
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No voldria contribuir de cap
manera al malentés
manera al malentés
05:08
that already exists around mental illness.
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que existeix al voltant
de la malaltia mental.
de la malaltia mental.
05:11
Only a very small percent of those
who have a mental illness
who have a mental illness
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Sols un xicotet percentatge
de les persones amb malalties mentals
de les persones amb malalties mentals
05:16
are violent toward other people,
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són violents amb els altres,
05:19
but of those who die by suicide,
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però d'aquells que moren per suïcidi,
05:22
it's estimated that about 75
to maybe more than 90 percent
to maybe more than 90 percent
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s'estima que des d'un 75 per cent
fins més d'un 90 per cent
fins més d'un 90 per cent
05:27
have a diagnosable
mental health condition of some kind.
mental health condition of some kind.
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pateixen una malaltia mental
diagnosticable d'alguna mena.
diagnosticable d'alguna mena.
05:31
As you all know very well,
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Com tots sabeu de sobres,
05:32
our mental health care system
is not equipped to help everyone,
is not equipped to help everyone,
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el nostre sistema sanitari
és deficitari en quant a salut mental,
és deficitari en quant a salut mental,
05:37
and not everyone with destructive thoughts
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i no tots els que pateixen
pensaments destructius
pensaments destructius
05:39
fits the criteria
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compleixen els criteris
05:41
for a specific diagnosis.
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per un diagnòstic específic.
05:44
Many who have ongoing feelings
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Molts dels que experimenten
pensaments recurrents
pensaments recurrents
05:46
of fear or anger or hopelessness
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de por, ira o desesperança
05:50
are never assessed or treated.
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mai són avaluats o tratats.
05:52
Too often, they get our attention
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
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Sovint capten la nostra atenció només
si arriben a una crisi de comportament.
si arriben a una crisi de comportament.
05:58
If estimates are correct
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Si les estimacions són correctes
06:00
that about one
to two percent of all suicides
to two percent of all suicides
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segons les quals d'un a dos
per cent dels suïcidis
per cent dels suïcidis
06:03
involves the murder of another person,
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incloen l'assassinat d'un altra persona,
06:07
when suicide rates rise,
as they are rising for some populations,
as they are rising for some populations,
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quan la taxa de suïcidis puja,
com ho fa per algunes poblacions,
com ho fa per algunes poblacions,
06:11
the murder-suicide rates
will rise as well.
will rise as well.
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la taxa de suïcidis-assassinats
també en pujarà.
també en pujarà.
06:15
I wanted to understand what was going on
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
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Volia entendre el que passava
al cap de Dylan abans de la seva mort,
al cap de Dylan abans de la seva mort,
06:21
so I looked for answers
from other survivors of suicide loss.
from other survivors of suicide loss.
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així que vaig buscar respostes
d'altres supervivents de suïcidi.
d'altres supervivents de suïcidi.
06:26
I did research and volunteered
to help with fund-raising events,
to help with fund-raising events,
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Vaig investigar i fer voluntariat
per ajudar amb events de recaudació,
per ajudar amb events de recaudació,
06:31
and whenever I could,
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i sempre que podia,
06:33
I talked with those who had
survived their own suicidal crisis
survived their own suicidal crisis
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parlava amb els que van sobreviure
els seus intents de suïcidi.
06:37
or attempt.
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Una de les conversacions
més útils que vaig tindre
més útils que vaig tindre
06:39
One of the most helpful
conversations I had
conversations I had
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06:42
was with a coworker
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va ser amb un
company de feina
company de feina
06:43
who overheard me talking to someone else
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que em va sentir parlar
amb una altra persona
amb una altra persona
06:45
in my office cubicle.
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a la oficina.
06:47
She heard me say
that Dylan could not have loved me
that Dylan could not have loved me
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Em va sentir dir que Dylan
no m'estimava
no m'estimava
06:51
if he could do something
as horrible as he did.
as horrible as he did.
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si havia fet una cosa
tan dolenta com aquella.
tan dolenta com aquella.
06:55
Later, when she found me alone,
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Després, quan
em va trobar a soles,
em va trobar a soles,
06:57
she apologized for overhearing
that conversation,
that conversation,
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es va disculpar per
escoltar la conversa,
escoltar la conversa,
07:00
but told me that I was wrong.
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però em va dir
que m'equivocava.
que m'equivocava.
07:02
She said that when she was
a young, single mother
a young, single mother
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Em va dir que quan era
una mare jove i soltera
una mare jove i soltera
07:05
with three small children,
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amb tres criatures,
07:07
she became severely depressed
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
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va agafar una depressió forta
i va ser hospitalitzada.
i va ser hospitalitzada.
07:13
At the time, she was certain
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En aquells moments estava segura
07:15
that her children
would be better off if she died,
would be better off if she died,
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de que els seus nens
estarien millor si ella moria,
estarien millor si ella moria,
07:18
so she had made a plan to end her life.
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així que va planejar
acabar amb la seva vida.
acabar amb la seva vida.
07:21
She assured me that a mother's love
was the strongest bond on Earth,
was the strongest bond on Earth,
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M'assegurava que l'amor d'una mare
és el vincle més fort que existeix,
és el vincle més fort que existeix,
07:25
and that she loved her children
more than anything in the world,
more than anything in the world,
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i que s'estimava els seus fills
més que res en aquest món,
més que res en aquest món,
07:29
but because of her illness,
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però que per la seva enfermetat,
07:31
she was sure that they
would be better off without her.
would be better off without her.
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sabia que estarien
millor sense ella.
millor sense ella.
07:36
What she said and what
I've learned from others
I've learned from others
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El que em va dir i el que
vaig aprendre d'altres
vaig aprendre d'altres
07:39
is that we do not make
the so-called decision or choice
the so-called decision or choice
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és que nosaltres no
prenem la decisió
prenem la decisió
07:43
to die by suicide
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de morir suïcidant-nos
07:45
in the same way
that we choose what car to drive
that we choose what car to drive
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com si ens decidirem per un cotxe
07:48
or where to go on a Saturday night.
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o què fer un dissabte a la nit.
07:51
When someone is
in an extremely suicidal state,
in an extremely suicidal state,
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Quan algú es troba
en un estat extrem suïcida,
en un estat extrem suïcida,
07:54
they are in a stage four
medical health emergency.
medical health emergency.
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es troben al nivell quatre
d'una emergència mèdica.
d'una emergència mèdica.
07:59
Their thinking is impaired and they've
lost access to tools of self-governance.
lost access to tools of self-governance.
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El seu raciocini es veu afectat
i perden l'accés a l'autogovernament.
i perden l'accés a l'autogovernament.
08:05
Even though they can
make a plan and act with logic,
make a plan and act with logic,
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Encara que poden planejar
i guiar-se per la lògica,
i guiar-se per la lògica,
08:08
their sense of truth
is distorted by a filter of pain
is distorted by a filter of pain
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el sentit de la veritat es troba
distorssionat per un filtre de dolor
distorssionat per un filtre de dolor
08:12
through which they
interpret their reality.
interpret their reality.
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a través del qual
interpreten la realitat.
interpreten la realitat.
08:15
Some people can be very good
at hiding this state,
at hiding this state,
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Alguna gent és molt hàbil
amagant aquest estat,
amagant aquest estat,
08:19
and they often have
good reasons for doing that.
good reasons for doing that.
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i a sovint tenen bones
raons per fer-ho.
raons per fer-ho.
08:23
Many of us have
suicidal thoughts at some point,
suicidal thoughts at some point,
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Molts de nosaltres hem tingut
pensaments suïcides,
pensaments suïcides,
08:27
but persistent,
ongoing thoughts of suicide
ongoing thoughts of suicide
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però pensaments persistents suicides
08:30
and devising a means to die
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i el fet de planejar
formes de morir
formes de morir
08:32
are symptoms of pathology,
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son símptomes d'una patología,
08:35
and like many illnesses,
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i com amb altres malalties,
08:37
the condition has to be
recognized and treated
recognized and treated
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aquesta condició ha de ser
reconeguda i tractada
reconeguda i tractada
08:40
before a life is lost.
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abans de que es perda una vida.
08:43
But my son's death
was not purely a suicide.
was not purely a suicide.
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Però la mort del meu fill
no va ser només un suïcidi.
no va ser només un suïcidi.
08:47
It involved mass murder.
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Va involucrar una massacre.
08:50
I wanted to know how his
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
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M'interessava saber com un pensament
suïcida va passar a homicida.
suïcida va passar a homicida.
08:56
But research is sparse
and there are no simple answers.
and there are no simple answers.
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Però hi ha pocs estudis i
cap respota simple.
cap respota simple.
09:01
Yes, he probably had ongoing depression.
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Sí, segurament patia
una depressió permanent.
una depressió permanent.
09:05
He had a personality
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
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La seva personalitat era
perfeccionista i independent,
perfeccionista i independent,
09:12
and that made him less likely
to seek help from others.
to seek help from others.
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i això feia que evitara
demanar ajuda als demés.
demanar ajuda als demés.
09:16
He had experienced
triggering events at the school
triggering events at the school
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Havia patit succesos
traumàtics a l'institut
traumàtics a l'institut
09:20
that left him feeling
debased and humiliated and mad.
debased and humiliated and mad.
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que el van fer sentir
menyspreat, humiliat i enfadat.
menyspreat, humiliat i enfadat.
09:27
And he had a complicated friendship
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I tenia una amistat complicada
09:30
with a boy who shared his feelings
of rage and alienation,
of rage and alienation,
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amb un xicon que compartia els seus
sentiments de ràbia i alienació,
sentiments de ràbia i alienació,
09:34
and who was seriously disturbed,
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i que estava transtornat,
09:37
controlling and homicidal.
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era controlador i homicida.
09:41
And on top of this period in his life
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I en aquest moment de la seua vida,
09:44
of extreme vulnerability and fragility,
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un període d'extrema
vulnerabilitat i fragilitat,
vulnerabilitat i fragilitat,
09:48
Dylan found access to guns
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Dylan va trobar accés a armes
09:50
even though we'd never
owned any in our home.
owned any in our home.
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encara que mai n'haviem
tingut a casa.
tingut a casa.
09:53
It was appallingly easy
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
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Era increíblement senzill que un noi
de 17 anys comprés armes,
de 17 anys comprés armes,
09:59
both legally and illegally,
without my permission or knowledge.
without my permission or knowledge.
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tan legal com ilegalment,
sense el meu permís o coneixement.
sense el meu permís o coneixement.
10:04
And somehow, 17 years
and many school shootings later,
and many school shootings later,
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I no sé com, 17 anys
i moltes matances després,
i moltes matances després,
10:10
it's still appallingly easy.
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continúa sent increíblement senzill.
10:14
What Dylan did that day broke my heart,
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El que Dylan va fer aquell dia
em trencà el cor,
em trencà el cor,
10:18
and as trauma so often does,
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i com sol passar amb els traumes,
10:20
it took a toll on my body and on my mind.
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em va passar factura tant
al cos com a la ment.
al cos com a la ment.
10:24
Two years after the shootings,
I got breast cancer,
I got breast cancer,
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Dos anys després, em diagnosticaren
càncer de mama,
càncer de mama,
10:28
and two years after that,
I began to have mental health problems.
I began to have mental health problems.
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i dos anys després d'això, vaig començar
a tindre problemes mentals.
a tindre problemes mentals.
10:33
On top of the constant, perpetual grief
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A banda de la pena constant i perpètua
10:36
I was terrified that I would run
into a family member
into a family member
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m'aterroritzava trobar-me
amb algun familiar
amb algun familiar
10:40
of someone Dylan had killed,
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de les persones que Dylan havia matat,
10:42
or be accosted by the press
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o que m'assetjaria la prensa
10:45
or by an angry citizen.
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o un ciutadà furiós.
10:47
I was afraid to turn on the news,
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Em feia por engegar les notícies
10:50
afraid to hear myself being called
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
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i sentir que em digueren mala mare
o que sóc una persona horrible.
o que sóc una persona horrible.
10:58
I started having panic attacks.
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Vaig començar amb els atacs de pànic.
11:02
The first bout started
four years after the shootings,
four years after the shootings,
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El primer episodi va començar
quatre anys després del tiroteig,
quatre anys després del tiroteig,
11:06
when I was getting ready
for the depositions
for the depositions
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quan em preparava
per les deposicions
per les deposicions
on anava a trobar-me cara a cara
amb els familiars de les víctimes.
amb els familiars de les víctimes.
11:09
and would have to meet
the victims' families face to face.
the victims' families face to face.
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2800
11:12
The second round started
six years after the shootings,
six years after the shootings,
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El segon episodi va ser sis anys després,
11:16
when I was preparing
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
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mentre em preparava per parlar
en públic sobre l'assassinat-suïcidi
en públic sobre l'assassinat-suïcidi
11:19
for the first time at a conference.
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per primera vegada a una conferència.
11:22
Both episodes lasted several weeks.
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Ambdós episodis duraren diverses setmanes.
11:27
The attacks happened everywhere:
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Els atacs ocorrien a qualsevol lloc:
11:29
in the hardware store, in my office,
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a la ferretería, a l'oficina,
11:32
or even while reading a book in bed.
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o inclós llegint un llibre al llit.
11:35
My mind would suddenly lock
into this spinning cycle of terror
into this spinning cycle of terror
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La meva ment es tancava de sobte
en un cercle de terror
en un cercle de terror
11:40
and no matter how I hard I tried
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i per molt que intentara
11:42
to calm myself down
or reason my way out of it,
or reason my way out of it,
197
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calmar-me o raonar-ho
11:46
I couldn't do it.
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no era capaç de fer-ho.
11:49
It felt as if my brain
was trying to kill me,
was trying to kill me,
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2560
Era com si el meu cervell
intentara matar-me,
intentara matar-me,
11:52
and then, being afraid of being afraid
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i després, asustat de tindre por
11:55
consumed all of my thoughts.
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em consumira tots els pensaments.
11:58
That's when I learned firsthand
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En aquell moment vaig aprendre
12:00
what it feels like
to have a malfunctioning mind,
to have a malfunctioning mind,
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el que és tindre un cervell
que no funciona bé,
que no funciona bé,
12:03
and that's when I truly
became a brain health advocate.
became a brain health advocate.
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i quan em vaig convertir
en defensora de la salut mental.
en defensora de la salut mental.
12:08
With therapy and medication and self-care,
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Gràcies a la teràpia,
la medicació i al cuidar-me,
la medicació i al cuidar-me,
12:11
life eventually returned
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la vida va acabar tornant
12:13
to whatever could be thought of
as normal under the circumstances.
as normal under the circumstances.
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a una mena de normalitat
donades les circunstàncies.
donades les circunstàncies.
12:18
When I looked back
on all that had happened,
on all that had happened,
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Quan reflectia sobre
tot el que va passar,
tot el que va passar,
12:20
I could see that my son's
spiral into dysfunction
spiral into dysfunction
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me'n vaig adonar de que
la caiguda en la disfunció del meu fill
la caiguda en la disfunció del meu fill
12:24
probably occurred
over a period of about two years,
over a period of about two years,
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segurament va passar
en un període de dos anys,
en un període de dos anys,
12:28
plenty of time to get him help,
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temps de sobres per que
rebés ajuda,
rebés ajuda,
12:31
if only someone had known
that he needed help
that he needed help
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si algú se'n hagués adonat
de que necessitava ajuda
de que necessitava ajuda
12:34
and known what to do.
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i hagués sabut què fer.
12:40
Every time someone asks me,
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Cada vegada que algú em pregunta,
12:43
"How could you not have known?",
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"Com pot ser que no ho saberes?",
12:45
it feels like a punch in the gut.
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sento com una punyada a la panxa.
12:48
It carries accusation
and taps into my feelings of guilt
and taps into my feelings of guilt
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És una pregunta acusadora que
colpeja els meus sentiments de culpa
colpeja els meus sentiments de culpa
12:53
that no matter how much therapy I've had
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els quals mai podré erradicar del tot
12:55
I will never fully eradicate.
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per molta teràpia que faci.
12:58
But here's something I've learned:
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Però una cosa n'he aprés:
13:01
if love were enough
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Si l'amor fora suficient
13:03
to stop someone who is suicidal
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per evitar que una persona suïcida
13:05
from hurting themselves,
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es fes mal a ella mateixa,
13:08
suicides would hardly ever happen.
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no hi haurien gairebé suïcidis.
13:11
But love is not enough,
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Però l'amor no és prou,
13:14
and suicide is prevalent.
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i el suïcidi prevaleix.
13:16
It's the second leading cause of death
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És la segona causa de mort
13:19
for people age 10 to 34,
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de la gent entre 10 i 34 anys,
13:22
and 15 percent of American youth
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i el 15 per cent dels joves americans
13:25
report having made a suicide plan
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han confessat haver fet
plans de suïcidi
plans de suïcidi
13:28
in the last year.
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només l'any passat.
13:31
I've learned that no matter
how much we want to believe we can,
how much we want to believe we can,
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Jo vaig aprendré que per molt
que creiem que podem,
que creiem que podem,
13:36
we cannot know or control
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no sóm capaços de controlar o conéixer
tot el que fan o senten
els nostres éssers estimats.
els nostres éssers estimats.
13:38
everything our loved ones think and feel,
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13:41
and the stubborn belief
that we are somehow different,
that we are somehow different,
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I que la convicció
de que nosaltres serem diferents,
de que nosaltres serem diferents,
13:45
that someone we love
would never think of hurting themselves
would never think of hurting themselves
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que els nostres familiars
mai pensarien en fer-se mal
mai pensarien en fer-se mal
13:49
or someone else,
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a ells o als altres,
13:51
can cause us to miss
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pot fer que no ens
n'assabentem
n'assabentem
13:53
what's hidden in plain sight.
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del que s'amaga
a simple vista.
a simple vista.
13:56
And if worst case scenarios
do come to pass,
do come to pass,
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I si el pitjor dels casos
arriba a passar,
arriba a passar,
14:01
we'll have to learn
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
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tindrem que aprendre
a perdonar-nos per no saber
a perdonar-nos per no saber
14:05
or for not asking the right questions
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o per no fer les
preguntes adequades
preguntes adequades
14:08
or not finding the right treatment.
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o per no trobar el
tractament adequat.
tractament adequat.
14:12
We should always assume
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Sempre deuriem
ser capaços d'assumir
ser capaços d'assumir
14:13
that someone we love may be suffering,
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que algú que volem
pot estar sofrint,
pot estar sofrint,
14:16
regardless of what they say
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sense tenir en compte
el que diguen
el que diguen
14:19
or how they act.
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o com actúen.
14:21
We should listen with our whole being,
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Deuriem escoltar amb tots
els nostres instints,
els nostres instints,
14:24
without judgments,
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sense jutjar,
14:26
and without offering solutions.
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i sense oferir solucions.
14:32
I know that I will live with this tragedy,
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Jo sé que viuré amb aquesta tragèdia,
14:35
with these multiple tragedies,
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amb aquestes múltiples tragèdies,
14:37
for the rest of my life.
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la resta de la meva vida.
14:40
I know that in the minds of many,
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Sé que per a molta gent,
14:46
what I lost can't compare
to what the other families lost.
to what the other families lost.
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el que vaig perdre no es pot
comparar a la resta de famílies.
comparar a la resta de famílies.
14:51
I know my struggle
doesn't make theirs any easier.
doesn't make theirs any easier.
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Sé que la meva lluita
no alleugera la seva.
no alleugera la seva.
14:56
I know there are even some who think
I don't have the right to any pain,
I don't have the right to any pain,
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Sé que hi ha alguns que pensen
que no tinc dret a sentir dolor,
que no tinc dret a sentir dolor,
15:01
but only to a life of permanent penance.
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sinó a una vida de penitència eterna.
15:06
In the end what I know comes down to this:
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Al cap i a la fi el que jo sé
es pot resumir així:
es pot resumir així:
15:10
the tragic fact is that even
the most vigilant and responsible of us
the most vigilant and responsible of us
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la tragèdia és que encara
el més alerta i responsable de nosaltres
el més alerta i responsable de nosaltres
15:16
may not be able to help,
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pot trobar que no
resulta d'ajuda,
resulta d'ajuda,
15:19
but for love's sake,
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però pel que més volgueu,
15:22
we must never stop trying
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no hem de deixar d'intentar
15:24
to know the unknowable.
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conéixer el desconegut.
15:26
Thank you.
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Gràcies.
15:27
(Applause)
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(Aplaudiments)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - ActivistSue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.
Why you should listen
Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com