TEDMED 2016
Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story
Sue Klebold: Min søn skød på Columbine. Dette er min historie
Filmed:
Readability: 4
10,022,839 views
Sue Klebold er mor til Dylan Klebold, én af de to gerningsmænd, som begik massemordet på Columbine High School, hvor 12 elever og en lærer mistede livet. Hun har i årevis undersøgt hver lille detalje af hendes familieliv i et forsøg på at forstå, hvad hun kunne have gjort, for at forhindre hendes søns voldelige bedrifter. I denne svære, hjerteskærende TED Talk, beskriver Klebold sammenhængen mellem psykisk helbred og vold, og beder forældre og professionelle om at blive ved med at undersøge forbindelsen mellem selvmordstanker og tanker om mord.
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:26
The last time I heard my son's voice
0
1080
2496
Sidste gang, jeg hørte min søns stemme
00:28
was when he walked out the front door
1
3600
2336
var da han gik ud ad hoveddøren
00:30
on his way to school.
2
5960
1280
på vej i skole.
00:33
He called out one word in the darkness:
3
8480
2200
Han råbte ét ord i mørket:
00:36
"Bye."
4
11320
1200
"Farvel."
00:38
It was April 20, 1999.
5
13000
3000
Det var d. 20. april 1999.
00:41
Later that morning,
at Columbine High School,
at Columbine High School,
6
16880
3056
Senere den morgen på Columbine High School
00:44
my son Dylan and his friend Eric
7
19960
2936
gik min søn, Dylan,
og hans ven, Eric,
og hans ven, Eric,
ind og dræbte tolv studerende,
og en lærer,
og en lærer,
00:47
killed 12 students and a teacher
8
22920
2320
00:51
and wounded more than 20 others
before taking their own lives.
before taking their own lives.
9
26280
3680
og sårede mere end tyve andre,
før de tog deres eget liv.
00:56
Thirteen innocent people were killed,
10
31160
3056
13 uskyldige mennesker blev dræbt
00:59
leaving their loved ones
in a state of grief and trauma.
in a state of grief and trauma.
11
34240
3200
og efterlod deres pårørerende
traumatiserede og i sorg.
traumatiserede og i sorg.
01:03
Others sustained injuries,
12
38320
1856
Andre fik svære skader,
01:05
some resulting in disfigurement
and permanent disability.
and permanent disability.
13
40200
4040
nogle resulterede i vansiring
og varig funktionsnedsættelse.
og varig funktionsnedsættelse.
01:10
But the enormity of the tragedy
14
45840
1816
Men omfanget af tragedien
01:12
can't be measured only by the number
of deaths and injuries that took place.
of deaths and injuries that took place.
15
47680
4120
kan ikke kun måles i antallet
af dødsfald og skader, der fandt sted.
af dødsfald og skader, der fandt sted.
01:17
There's no way to quantify
the psychological damage
the psychological damage
16
52720
3416
Man kan ikke kvantificere
de psykiske mén
de psykiske mén
01:21
of those who were in the school,
17
56160
1936
for de som var på skolen,
01:23
or who took part
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
in rescue or cleanup efforts.
18
58120
3360
eller de som bidrog til redningen
og oprydningsindsatsen.
og oprydningsindsatsen.
01:27
There's no way to assess
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine,
19
62280
3640
Der er ingen måde at vurdere størrelsen
af en tragedie som Columbine,
af en tragedie som Columbine,
01:31
especially when it can be a blueprint
20
66680
2256
særligt når hændelsen kan blive en skabelon
01:33
for other shooters who go on
to commit atrocities of their own.
to commit atrocities of their own.
21
68960
3440
for andre skytter, der går ud for
at begå grusomheder på egen hånd.
at begå grusomheder på egen hånd.
01:38
Columbine was a tidal wave,
22
73600
1840
Columbine var en flodbølge,
01:41
and when the crash ended,
23
76200
1256
og da braget var forbi
01:42
it would take years
for the community and for society
for the community and for society
24
77480
3936
ville det tage årevis for
lokalmiljøet og samfundet
lokalmiljøet og samfundet
01:46
to comprehend its impact.
25
81440
1720
at forstå dens effekter.
01:49
It has taken me years
to try to accept my son's legacy.
to try to accept my son's legacy.
26
84720
4120
Det har taget mig år at forsøge
at acceptere min søns eftermæle.
at acceptere min søns eftermæle.
01:54
The cruel behavior
that defined the end of his life
that defined the end of his life
27
89760
3136
Den ondskabsfulde adfærd,
der definerede hans livs slutning
der definerede hans livs slutning
01:57
showed me that he was a completely
different person from the one I knew.
different person from the one I knew.
28
92920
3560
viste mig, at han var en helt anden person
end den, jeg kendte.
end den, jeg kendte.
02:02
Afterwards people asked,
29
97600
2376
Bagefter spurgte folk:
02:05
"How could you not know?
30
100000
1760
"Hvordan kunne du ikke vide det?"
02:07
What kind of a mother were you?"
31
102560
1560
"Hvilken slags mor var du?"
02:10
I still ask myself those same questions.
32
105240
2640
Jeg stiller stadig mig selv
samme spørgsmål.
samme spørgsmål.
02:14
Before the shootings,
I thought of myself as a good mom.
I thought of myself as a good mom.
33
109080
2880
Før skyderierne, opfattede jeg mig selv
som en god mor.
som en god mor.
02:17
Helping my children become caring,
34
112760
2456
At hjælpe mine børn
med at blive omsorgsfulde,
med at blive omsorgsfulde,
02:20
healthy, responsible adults
35
115240
2336
sunde, ansvarlige voksne
02:22
was the most important role of my life.
36
117600
3480
var den vigtigste rolle i mit liv.
02:26
But the tragedy convinced me
that I failed as a parent,
that I failed as a parent,
37
121760
3320
Men tragedien overbeviste mig om,
at jeg havde fejlet som forælder
at jeg havde fejlet som forælder
02:30
and it's partially this sense of failure
that brings me here today.
that brings me here today.
38
125840
3720
og det er delvist dette nederlag,
der har bragt mig hertil i dag.
der har bragt mig hertil i dag.
02:36
Aside from his father,
39
131240
1256
Bortset fra hans far,
02:37
I was the one person
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
who knew and loved Dylan the most.
40
132520
3560
var jeg den person,
der kendte og elskede Dylan mest.
der kendte og elskede Dylan mest.
02:41
If anyone could have known
what was happening,
what was happening,
41
136800
2256
Hvis nogen kunne have vidst,
hvad der foregik,
hvad der foregik,
02:44
it should have been me, right?
42
139080
1720
så burde det have været mig, ikke?
02:47
But I didn't know.
43
142000
1200
Men jeg vidste det ikke.
02:50
Today, I'm here to share the experience
44
145440
1896
Jeg er her for at dele min erfaring af,
02:52
of what it's like to be the mother
of someone who kills and hurts.
of someone who kills and hurts.
45
147360
3720
hvad det vil sige, at være mor til
en person, der dræber og gør fortæd.
en person, der dræber og gør fortæd.
02:57
For years after the tragedy,
I combed through memories,
I combed through memories,
46
152200
3856
I flere år efter tragedien
gennemgik jeg mine minder
gennemgik jeg mine minder
03:01
trying to figure out
exactly where I failed as a parent.
exactly where I failed as a parent.
47
156080
3600
i et forsøg på at forstå præcis hvor
jeg fejlede som forælder.
jeg fejlede som forælder.
03:05
But there are no simple answers.
48
160280
2736
Men der er ingen simple svar.
03:08
I can't give you any solutions.
49
163040
1920
Jeg kan ikke give jer en enkel løsning.
03:10
All I can do
50
165520
1200
Det eneste, jeg kan,
03:12
is share what I have learned.
51
167760
2360
er at dele, hvad jeg har lært.
03:16
When I talk to people
who didn't know me before the shootings,
who didn't know me before the shootings,
52
171440
3616
Når jeg snakker med mennesker,
som ikke kendte mig før skyderierne,
som ikke kendte mig før skyderierne,
03:20
I have three challenges to meet.
53
175080
1800
står jeg foran tre udfordringer.
03:22
First, when I walk into a room like this,
54
177640
3200
For det første: når jeg træder ind
i et rum som dette,
i et rum som dette,
03:26
I never know if someone there
has experienced loss
has experienced loss
55
181480
3576
ved jeg aldrig om en tilstedeværende
har oplevet tab
har oplevet tab
03:30
because of what my son did.
56
185080
1720
på grund af min søns handlinger.
03:33
I feel a need to acknowledge the suffering
caused by a member of my family
caused by a member of my family
57
188080
4136
Jeg føler, jeg bør erkende den lidelse,
mit familiemedlem har forårsaget,
mit familiemedlem har forårsaget,
03:37
who isn't here to do it for himself.
58
192240
2200
når han ikke er her til at gøre det selv.
03:40
So first, with all of my heart,
59
195080
2560
Så først og fremmest,
af hele mit hjerte;
af hele mit hjerte;
03:43
I'm sorry if my son has caused you pain.
60
198320
3240
jeg beklager dybt, hvis min søn har
forvoldt dig smerte.
forvoldt dig smerte.
03:48
The second challenge I have
61
203640
1760
Min anden udfordring
03:51
is that I must ask for understanding
and even compassion
and even compassion
62
206040
3720
er, at jeg må bede om forståelse,
selv medfølelse,
selv medfølelse,
03:55
when I talk about
my son's death as a suicide.
my son's death as a suicide.
63
210560
3240
når jeg beskriver min søns død,
som et selvmord.
som et selvmord.
03:59
Two years before he died,
64
214480
2136
To år før han døde,
04:01
he wrote on a piece of paper in a notebook
65
216640
2216
skrev han på en side i en notesblok,
04:03
that he was cutting himself.
66
218880
1560
at han skar i sig selv.
04:06
He said that he was in agony
67
221200
1616
Han fortalte at han led,
04:07
and wanted to get a gun
so he could end his life.
so he could end his life.
68
222840
2640
at han ville have en pistol,
så han kunne ende sit liv.
så han kunne ende sit liv.
04:11
I didn't know about any of this
until months after his death.
until months after his death.
69
226160
3760
Jeg vidste ikke noget om dette
før måneder efter hans død.
før måneder efter hans død.
04:15
When I talk about his death as a suicide,
70
230720
3416
Når jeg kalder hans død et selvmord,
04:19
I'm not trying to downplay the viciousness
he showed at the end of his life.
he showed at the end of his life.
71
234160
4040
er det ikke et forsøg på at nedtone ondskaben,
han udviste i slutningen af sit liv.
han udviste i slutningen af sit liv.
04:23
I'm trying to understand
72
238840
1976
Jeg forsøger at forstå,
04:25
how his suicidal thinking
73
240840
2096
hvordan hans selvmordstanker
04:27
led to murder.
74
242960
1440
ledte til mord.
04:30
After a lot of reading
and talking with experts,
and talking with experts,
75
245080
3216
Efter en hel del læsning
og samtaler med eksperter,
og samtaler med eksperter,
04:33
I have come to believe
76
248320
1656
er jeg kommet til den overbevisning,
04:35
that his involvement in the shootings
was rooted not in his desire to kill
was rooted not in his desire to kill
77
250000
4720
at hans rolle i skyderierne ikke bundede ud
i et ønske om at dræbe,
i et ønske om at dræbe,
04:40
but in his desire to die.
78
255480
1680
men et ønske om at dø.
04:43
The third challenge I have
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
when I talk about my son's murder-suicide
79
258320
5296
Den tredje udfordring, jeg har, når jeg
snakker om min søns mord og selvmord
snakker om min søns mord og selvmord
04:48
is that I'm talking about mental health --
80
263640
2920
er, at jeg snakker om psykisk helbred --
04:52
excuse me --
81
267680
1216
-- undskyld mig.
04:53
is that I'm talking about mental health,
82
268920
2616
Er, at jeg snakker om psykisk helbred,
04:56
or brain health, as I prefer to call it,
because it's more concrete.
because it's more concrete.
83
271560
4176
eller hjernehelbred, som jeg foretrækker
at kalde det, da det er mere konkret.
at kalde det, da det er mere konkret.
05:00
And in the same breath,
I'm talking about violence.
I'm talking about violence.
84
275760
3736
Og på samme tid taler jeg om vold.
05:04
The last thing I want to do
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
is to contribute to the misunderstanding
85
279520
3576
Det sidste, jeg vil, er, at bidrage
til den misforståelse,
til den misforståelse,
05:08
that already exists around mental illness.
86
283120
3216
der allerede hersker omkring
psykisk sygdom.
psykisk sygdom.
05:11
Only a very small percent of those
who have a mental illness
who have a mental illness
87
286360
4776
Kun en meget lille procentdel af dem,
som har en psykisk sygdom,
som har en psykisk sygdom,
05:16
are violent toward other people,
88
291160
2240
er voldelige over for andre.
05:19
but of those who die by suicide,
89
294800
3136
Men blandt dem, der begår selvmord,
05:22
it's estimated that about 75
to maybe more than 90 percent
to maybe more than 90 percent
90
297960
4216
er det vurderet, at mellem 75%
til muligvis over 90%
til muligvis over 90%
05:27
have a diagnosable
mental health condition of some kind.
mental health condition of some kind.
91
302200
3400
lider af en psykisk sygdom,
der kan diagnosticeres.
der kan diagnosticeres.
05:31
As you all know very well,
92
306680
1256
Som I alle udmærket ved,
05:32
our mental health care system
is not equipped to help everyone,
is not equipped to help everyone,
93
307960
2960
er vores sundhedssystem ikke udstyret
til at hjælpe alle,
til at hjælpe alle,
05:37
and not everyone with destructive thoughts
94
312000
2496
og det er ikke alle med destruktive tanker,
05:39
fits the criteria
95
314520
1736
som opfylder kriterierne
05:41
for a specific diagnosis.
96
316280
2160
for en bestemt diagnose.
05:44
Many who have ongoing feelings
97
319200
2016
Mange af dem, som vedvarende har følelser
05:46
of fear or anger or hopelessness
98
321240
3736
af frygt, vrede eller håbløshed,
05:50
are never assessed or treated.
99
325000
1880
bliver aldrig udredt eller behandlet.
05:52
Too often, they get our attention
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
only if they reach a behavioral crisis.
100
327640
4640
For ofte, får de kun vores opmærksomhed,
hvis de når en krisetilstand.
hvis de når en krisetilstand.
05:58
If estimates are correct
101
333400
2056
Hvis vurderingen er korrekt,
06:00
that about one
to two percent of all suicides
to two percent of all suicides
102
335480
2936
og cirka 1-2% af alle selvmord
06:03
involves the murder of another person,
103
338440
2080
involverer mordet af en anden person,
06:07
when suicide rates rise,
as they are rising for some populations,
as they are rising for some populations,
104
342080
3920
betyder det, at når selvmordsrater stiger,
som de gør i nogle befolkningsgrupper,
som de gør i nogle befolkningsgrupper,
06:11
the murder-suicide rates
will rise as well.
will rise as well.
105
346720
2680
så vil raterne for både
mord og selvmord også stige.
mord og selvmord også stige.
06:15
I wanted to understand what was going on
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
in Dylan's mind prior to his death,
106
350520
5496
Jeg ville forstå, hvad der foregik
i Dylans sind op til hans død
i Dylans sind op til hans død
06:21
so I looked for answers
from other survivors of suicide loss.
from other survivors of suicide loss.
107
356040
3720
så jeg søgte svar hos andre,
der har mistet nogen til selvmord.
der har mistet nogen til selvmord.
06:26
I did research and volunteered
to help with fund-raising events,
to help with fund-raising events,
108
361640
4536
Jeg forskede og meldte mig som frivillig
til indsamlinger.
til indsamlinger.
06:31
and whenever I could,
109
366200
1776
Og når muligheden bød sig,
06:33
I talked with those who had
survived their own suicidal crisis
survived their own suicidal crisis
110
368000
4496
snakkede jeg med dem, der havde
overlevet deres egen selvmordskrise
overlevet deres egen selvmordskrise
06:37
or attempt.
111
372520
1200
eller et selvmordsforsøg.
06:39
One of the most helpful
conversations I had
conversations I had
112
374840
2216
Én af de samtaler, der hjælpte mig mest,
06:42
was with a coworker
113
377080
1456
var med en kollega,
06:43
who overheard me talking to someone else
114
378560
1905
som havde hørt mig tale med en anden
06:45
in my office cubicle.
115
380489
1200
på kontoret.
06:47
She heard me say
that Dylan could not have loved me
that Dylan could not have loved me
116
382760
3416
Hun hørte mig sige,
at Dylan umuligt kunne have elsket mig,
at Dylan umuligt kunne have elsket mig,
06:51
if he could do something
as horrible as he did.
as horrible as he did.
117
386200
2760
hvis han kunne gøre noget så forfærdeligt,
som det han gjorde.
som det han gjorde.
06:55
Later, when she found me alone,
118
390000
1800
Senere, da hun fangede mig alene,
06:57
she apologized for overhearing
that conversation,
that conversation,
119
392760
2456
undskyldte hun for at have smuglyttet,
07:00
but told me that I was wrong.
120
395240
1560
men fortalte mig, at jeg tog fejl.
07:02
She said that when she was
a young, single mother
a young, single mother
121
397880
2616
Hun fortalte, at hun som ung, enlig mor
07:05
with three small children,
122
400520
1440
med tre små børn,
07:07
she became severely depressed
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
and was hospitalized to keep her safe.
123
402600
4640
var blevet svært deprimeret
og indlagt for egen beskyttelse.
og indlagt for egen beskyttelse.
07:13
At the time, she was certain
124
408000
2296
På det tidspunkt var hun sikker på,
07:15
that her children
would be better off if she died,
would be better off if she died,
125
410320
3256
at hendes børn ville være bedre stillet,
hvis hun døde,
hvis hun døde,
07:18
so she had made a plan to end her life.
126
413600
2240
så hun havde planlagt at tage sit eget liv.
07:21
She assured me that a mother's love
was the strongest bond on Earth,
was the strongest bond on Earth,
127
416880
4056
Hun forsikrede mig om, at en mors kærlighed
er det stærkeste bånd på jorden
er det stærkeste bånd på jorden
07:25
and that she loved her children
more than anything in the world,
more than anything in the world,
128
420960
3040
og at hun elskede sine børn
mere end noget andet.
mere end noget andet.
07:29
but because of her illness,
129
424640
2216
Men på grund af hendes sygdom
07:31
she was sure that they
would be better off without her.
would be better off without her.
130
426880
2840
var hun sikker på,
at de var bedre stillet uden hende.
at de var bedre stillet uden hende.
07:36
What she said and what
I've learned from others
I've learned from others
131
431680
2376
Det, hun sagde, og det,
jeg har lært af andre,
jeg har lært af andre,
07:39
is that we do not make
the so-called decision or choice
the so-called decision or choice
132
434080
4736
er, at vi ikke træffer
en beslutning eller et valg
en beslutning eller et valg
07:43
to die by suicide
133
438840
1576
om at tage vores liv
07:45
in the same way
that we choose what car to drive
that we choose what car to drive
134
440440
2856
på samme måde som vi vælger,
hvilken bil vi kører,
hvilken bil vi kører,
07:48
or where to go on a Saturday night.
135
443320
2120
eller hvor vi skal tage hen
en lørdag aften.
en lørdag aften.
07:51
When someone is
in an extremely suicidal state,
in an extremely suicidal state,
136
446360
3096
Når nogen er ekstremt selvmordstruet,
07:54
they are in a stage four
medical health emergency.
medical health emergency.
137
449480
4520
befinder de sig i 4. stadie
af et helbredsfarligt nødstilfælde.
af et helbredsfarligt nødstilfælde.
07:59
Their thinking is impaired and they've
lost access to tools of self-governance.
lost access to tools of self-governance.
138
454680
4480
Deres tankevirksomhed begrænses
og de mister redskaberne til selvforvaltning.
og de mister redskaberne til selvforvaltning.
08:05
Even though they can
make a plan and act with logic,
make a plan and act with logic,
139
460320
3176
Selvom de kan lægge en plan
og handle logisk,
og handle logisk,
08:08
their sense of truth
is distorted by a filter of pain
is distorted by a filter of pain
140
463520
3936
er deres sandhedsopfattelse forvrænget
af et filter af smerte,
af et filter af smerte,
08:12
through which they
interpret their reality.
interpret their reality.
141
467480
2600
som de fortolker deres
egen virkelighed gennem.
egen virkelighed gennem.
08:15
Some people can be very good
at hiding this state,
at hiding this state,
142
470880
3656
Nogle mennesker er meget dygtige
til at skjule denne tilstand,
til at skjule denne tilstand,
08:19
and they often have
good reasons for doing that.
good reasons for doing that.
143
474560
2360
og de har ofte en god grund
til at gøre det.
til at gøre det.
08:23
Many of us have
suicidal thoughts at some point,
suicidal thoughts at some point,
144
478840
3176
Mange af os har haft selvmordstanker
på et tidspunkt,
på et tidspunkt,
08:27
but persistent,
ongoing thoughts of suicide
ongoing thoughts of suicide
145
482040
3496
men ufortrængelige,
vedvarende selvmordstanker,
vedvarende selvmordstanker,
08:30
and devising a means to die
146
485560
2216
og planlægning af måder man kan dø på
08:32
are symptoms of pathology,
147
487800
2336
er patologiske symptomer,
08:35
and like many illnesses,
148
490160
1896
og som mange andre sygdomme,
08:37
the condition has to be
recognized and treated
recognized and treated
149
492080
2760
skal tilstanden genkendes
og behandles,
og behandles,
08:40
before a life is lost.
150
495520
1520
før et liv går tabt.
08:43
But my son's death
was not purely a suicide.
was not purely a suicide.
151
498600
2840
Men min søns død var ikke kun et selvmord.
08:47
It involved mass murder.
152
502200
1760
Det involverede massemord.
08:50
I wanted to know how his
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
suicidal thinking became homicidal.
153
505080
5880
Jeg ville vide, hvordan hans
selvmordstanker blev til tanker om mord.
selvmordstanker blev til tanker om mord.
08:56
But research is sparse
and there are no simple answers.
and there are no simple answers.
154
511920
3160
Forskningen er begrænset
og der er ikke nogle simple svar.
og der er ikke nogle simple svar.
09:01
Yes, he probably had ongoing depression.
155
516240
2919
Ja, han var formentlig deprimeret.
09:05
He had a personality
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
that was perfectionistic and self-reliant,
156
520679
5561
Hans personlighed var perfektionistisk
og selvstændig,
og selvstændig,
09:12
and that made him less likely
to seek help from others.
to seek help from others.
157
527120
3760
og det gjorde ham mindre tilbøjelig til
at søge hjælp fra andre.
at søge hjælp fra andre.
09:16
He had experienced
triggering events at the school
triggering events at the school
158
531880
3456
Han havde oplevet ting i skolen,
der bidrog til hans
der bidrog til hans
09:20
that left him feeling
debased and humiliated and mad.
debased and humiliated and mad.
159
535360
5400
følelser af mindreværd, ydmygelse og vrede.
09:27
And he had a complicated friendship
160
542160
3256
Og han havde et kompliceret venskab
09:30
with a boy who shared his feelings
of rage and alienation,
of rage and alienation,
161
545440
4336
med en dreng, der delte hans følelser
af vrede og udenforskab
af vrede og udenforskab
09:34
and who was seriously disturbed,
162
549800
3096
og som var alvorligt forstyrret,
09:37
controlling and homicidal.
163
552920
1880
kontrollerende og morderisk.
09:41
And on top of this period in his life
164
556280
2856
Og midt i denne periode af livet
09:44
of extreme vulnerability and fragility,
165
559160
3160
med ekstrem sårbarhed og skrøbelighed
09:48
Dylan found access to guns
166
563280
2376
fandt Dylan tilgang til skydevåben,
09:50
even though we'd never
owned any in our home.
owned any in our home.
167
565680
2160
selvom vi aldrig har haft nogle
i vores hjem.
i vores hjem.
09:53
It was appallingly easy
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
for a 17-year-old boy to buy guns,
168
568800
5216
Det var utåleligt nemt for
en 17-årig dreng at købe skydevåben,
en 17-årig dreng at købe skydevåben,
09:59
both legally and illegally,
without my permission or knowledge.
without my permission or knowledge.
169
574040
4640
både lovligt og ulovligt,
uden min tilladelse eller kendskab til det.
uden min tilladelse eller kendskab til det.
10:04
And somehow, 17 years
and many school shootings later,
and many school shootings later,
170
579880
4520
Og på en eller anden måde, 17 år senere,
og mange skoleattentater senere,
og mange skoleattentater senere,
10:10
it's still appallingly easy.
171
585080
1800
er det stadig utåleligt nemt.
10:14
What Dylan did that day broke my heart,
172
589160
2720
Det, som Dylan gjorde den dag,
knuste mit hjerte,
knuste mit hjerte,
10:18
and as trauma so often does,
173
593240
1856
og som traumer så ofte gør,
10:20
it took a toll on my body and on my mind.
174
595120
2960
sled det på både min krop og mit sind.
10:24
Two years after the shootings,
I got breast cancer,
I got breast cancer,
175
599360
2440
To år efter skyderierne,
fik jeg brystkræft,
fik jeg brystkræft,
10:28
and two years after that,
I began to have mental health problems.
I began to have mental health problems.
176
603200
3360
og to år efter det,
begyndte jeg at få problemer med psyken.
begyndte jeg at få problemer med psyken.
10:33
On top of the constant, perpetual grief
177
608480
3416
Oven i den konstante, evindelige sorg,
10:36
I was terrified that I would run
into a family member
into a family member
178
611920
3576
var jeg rædselsslagen for at løbe
ind i et familiemedlem
ind i et familiemedlem
10:40
of someone Dylan had killed,
179
615520
2056
til en af dem, Dylan dræbte,
10:42
or be accosted by the press
180
617600
2376
eller at blive antastet af pressen
10:45
or by an angry citizen.
181
620000
1480
eller en vred borger.
10:47
I was afraid to turn on the news,
182
622920
2576
Jeg var bange for at tænde for nyhederne,
10:50
afraid to hear myself being called
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
a terrible parent or a disgusting person.
183
625520
4960
bange for at høre mig selv
blive kaldt en forfærdelig forælder
blive kaldt en forfærdelig forælder
eller en modbydelig person.
10:58
I started having panic attacks.
184
633320
2040
Jeg begyndte at få panikanfald.
11:02
The first bout started
four years after the shootings,
four years after the shootings,
185
637240
4176
Den første omgang kom fire år
efter skyderierne,
efter skyderierne,
11:06
when I was getting ready
for the depositions
for the depositions
186
641440
2536
mens jeg forberedte mig på
vidneafhøringerne,
vidneafhøringerne,
11:09
and would have to meet
the victims' families face to face.
the victims' families face to face.
187
644000
2800
og var nødt til at møde ofrenes
familier ansigt til ansigt.
familier ansigt til ansigt.
11:12
The second round started
six years after the shootings,
six years after the shootings,
188
647600
3376
Anden runde begyndte
seks år efter skyderierne,
seks år efter skyderierne,
11:16
when I was preparing
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
to speak publicly about murder-suicide
189
651000
3456
da jeg forberedte mig på at
tale offentligt om mord og selvmord
tale offentligt om mord og selvmord
11:19
for the first time at a conference.
190
654480
2000
for første gang til en konference.
11:22
Both episodes lasted several weeks.
191
657520
2400
Begge episoder varede adskillige uger.
11:27
The attacks happened everywhere:
192
662160
2136
Anfaldene kunne ske overalt:
11:29
in the hardware store, in my office,
193
664320
3296
i byggemarkedet, på mit kontor,
11:32
or even while reading a book in bed.
194
667640
2040
eller imens jeg læste
en bog i sengen.
en bog i sengen.
11:35
My mind would suddenly lock
into this spinning cycle of terror
into this spinning cycle of terror
195
670600
5056
Mit sind ville pludselig låse sig fast
i en cyklus af frygt,
i en cyklus af frygt,
11:40
and no matter how I hard I tried
196
675680
2096
og uanset hvor meget jeg forsøgte
11:42
to calm myself down
or reason my way out of it,
or reason my way out of it,
197
677800
4056
at berolige mig selv,
eller ræsonnere mig ud af det,
eller ræsonnere mig ud af det,
11:46
I couldn't do it.
198
681880
1280
kunne jeg ikke klare det.
11:49
It felt as if my brain
was trying to kill me,
was trying to kill me,
199
684440
2560
Det føltes som om min hjerne
prøvede at slå mig ihjel
prøvede at slå mig ihjel
11:52
and then, being afraid of being afraid
200
687920
2576
og frygten for at opleve frygt
11:55
consumed all of my thoughts.
201
690520
1800
gennemsivede alle mine tanker.
11:58
That's when I learned firsthand
202
693200
1896
Sådan lærte jeg på egen krop,
12:00
what it feels like
to have a malfunctioning mind,
to have a malfunctioning mind,
203
695120
2440
hvordan det føles,
når sindet ikke fungerer,
når sindet ikke fungerer,
12:03
and that's when I truly
became a brain health advocate.
became a brain health advocate.
204
698640
3480
og da blev jeg i sandhed
fortaler for hjernehelbred.
fortaler for hjernehelbred.
12:08
With therapy and medication and self-care,
205
703760
2976
Med terapi, medicin og omsorg for mig selv,
12:11
life eventually returned
206
706760
1816
genvandt jeg med tiden et liv,
12:13
to whatever could be thought of
as normal under the circumstances.
as normal under the circumstances.
207
708600
3480
der kan beskrives som normalt
efter omstændighederne.
efter omstændighederne.
12:18
When I looked back
on all that had happened,
on all that had happened,
208
713240
2056
Når jeg så tilbage på alt,
der var sket,
der var sket,
12:20
I could see that my son's
spiral into dysfunction
spiral into dysfunction
209
715320
3560
kunne jeg se, at min søns
nedadgående spiral
nedadgående spiral
12:24
probably occurred
over a period of about two years,
over a period of about two years,
210
719680
3496
formentlig blev dannet over
en periode på cirka to år,
en periode på cirka to år,
12:28
plenty of time to get him help,
211
723200
2160
rigelig tid til at skaffe ham hjælp,
12:31
if only someone had known
that he needed help
that he needed help
212
726280
3016
hvis bare nogen havde vidst,
at han havde brug for hjælp
at han havde brug for hjælp
12:34
and known what to do.
213
729320
1320
og hvad de skulle gøre.
12:40
Every time someone asks me,
214
735680
2576
Hver gang nogen spørger mig:
12:43
"How could you not have known?",
215
738280
2456
"Hvordan kunne du ikke vide det?"
12:45
it feels like a punch in the gut.
216
740760
2000
føles det som et slag i maven.
12:48
It carries accusation
and taps into my feelings of guilt
and taps into my feelings of guilt
217
743840
4536
Den indforståede beskyldning
hager sig fast i min skyldfølelse,
hager sig fast i min skyldfølelse,
12:53
that no matter how much therapy I've had
218
748400
2496
som jeg, uanset mængden af terapi,
jeg har fået,
jeg har fået,
12:55
I will never fully eradicate.
219
750920
1920
aldrig bliver helt af med.
12:58
But here's something I've learned:
220
753880
1620
Men dette har jeg lært:
13:01
if love were enough
221
756720
1856
Hvis kærlighed var nok
13:03
to stop someone who is suicidal
222
758600
2136
til at stoppe en person
med selvmordstanker,
med selvmordstanker,
13:05
from hurting themselves,
223
760760
1440
fra at skade sig selv,
13:08
suicides would hardly ever happen.
224
763000
2200
ville selvmord næsten aldrig ske.
13:11
But love is not enough,
225
766320
1800
Men kærlighed er ikke nok
13:14
and suicide is prevalent.
226
769240
1760
og selvmord forekommer.
13:16
It's the second leading cause of death
227
771680
2816
Det er den næst mest ledende dødsårsag
13:19
for people age 10 to 34,
228
774520
2200
for folk i alderen 10-34 år,
13:22
and 15 percent of American youth
229
777640
2656
og 15% af amerikanske unge
13:25
report having made a suicide plan
230
780320
2736
siger, at de har lagt en selvmordsplan
13:28
in the last year.
231
783080
1200
det seneste år.
13:31
I've learned that no matter
how much we want to believe we can,
how much we want to believe we can,
232
786160
4120
Jeg har lært, at uanset hvor gerne
vi vil tro det,
vi vil tro det,
13:36
we cannot know or control
233
791000
2816
så kan vi ikke vide eller styre
13:38
everything our loved ones think and feel,
234
793840
1960
alt vores kære tænker og føler.
13:41
and the stubborn belief
that we are somehow different,
that we are somehow different,
235
796760
3120
Og den stædige tro at vi
af nogen årsag er anderledes,
af nogen årsag er anderledes,
13:45
that someone we love
would never think of hurting themselves
would never think of hurting themselves
236
800560
3416
at nogen, vi elsker, aldrig kunne
finde på at skade sig selv
finde på at skade sig selv
13:49
or someone else,
237
804000
1200
eller andre,
13:51
can cause us to miss
238
806080
2016
kan gøre os blinde
13:53
what's hidden in plain sight.
239
808120
1800
for det åbenlyst skjulte.
13:56
And if worst case scenarios
do come to pass,
do come to pass,
240
811840
3440
Og hvis det værste,
der kan ske faktisk sker,
der kan ske faktisk sker,
14:01
we'll have to learn
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
to forgive ourselves for not knowing
241
816520
3896
bliver vi nødt til at lære at tilgive
os selv for, at vi ikke vidste nok,
os selv for, at vi ikke vidste nok,
14:05
or for not asking the right questions
242
820440
2696
eller for at vi ikke stillede
de rigtige spørgsmål,
de rigtige spørgsmål,
14:08
or not finding the right treatment.
243
823160
2720
eller fandt den rette behandling.
14:12
We should always assume
244
827240
1256
Vi bør altid formode
14:13
that someone we love may be suffering,
245
828520
2640
at nogen vi elsker muligvis lider,
14:16
regardless of what they say
246
831880
2616
uanset hvad de siger,
14:19
or how they act.
247
834520
1240
eller måden de opfører sig.
14:21
We should listen with our whole being,
248
836720
2120
Vi bør lytte med sjæl og krop,
14:24
without judgments,
249
839800
1200
uden at dømme
14:26
and without offering solutions.
250
841680
2120
og uden at foreslå løsninger.
14:32
I know that I will live with this tragedy,
251
847360
3216
Jeg ved, at jeg kommer til
at leve med denne tragedie,
at leve med denne tragedie,
14:35
with these multiple tragedies,
252
850600
1936
med alle disse tragedier,
14:37
for the rest of my life.
253
852560
1560
resten af mit liv.
14:40
I know that in the minds of many,
254
855320
2000
Jeg ved, at mange synes,
14:46
what I lost can't compare
to what the other families lost.
to what the other families lost.
255
861080
3760
at mit tab ikke kan måle sig
med de andre familiers tab.
med de andre familiers tab.
14:51
I know my struggle
doesn't make theirs any easier.
doesn't make theirs any easier.
256
866240
2600
Jeg ved, at min kamp ikke
gør deres nemmere.
gør deres nemmere.
14:56
I know there are even some who think
I don't have the right to any pain,
I don't have the right to any pain,
257
871000
5376
Jeg ved, at nogle endda synes,
at jeg ikke har ret til smerte,
at jeg ikke har ret til smerte,
15:01
but only to a life of permanent penance.
258
876400
2840
kun til et liv i evig bod.
15:06
In the end what I know comes down to this:
259
881800
2680
Når alt kommer til alt, er dette,
hvad jeg ved:
hvad jeg ved:
15:10
the tragic fact is that even
the most vigilant and responsible of us
the most vigilant and responsible of us
260
885320
6176
Det er et tragisk faktum, at selv de
mest opmærksomme og ansvarlige af os
mest opmærksomme og ansvarlige af os
15:16
may not be able to help,
261
891520
1920
måske er ude af stand til at hjælpe.
15:19
but for love's sake,
262
894840
2176
Men for kærlighedens skyld,
15:22
we must never stop trying
263
897040
2176
må vi aldrig holde op med at forsøge
15:24
to know the unknowable.
264
899240
1480
at kende til det ukendelige.
15:26
Thank you.
265
901560
1216
Tak.
15:27
(Applause)
266
902800
2160
(Bifald)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - ActivistSue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.
Why you should listen
Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com