TEDxMidwest
William Ury: The walk from "no" to "yes"
William Ury: Ecja nga "jo" në "po"
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William Ury, autor i "Si të arrijmë tek Po," ofron një mënyrë elegante, të thjeshtë (por jo të lehtë) për të krijuar marrëveshje edhe në situatat më të vështira -- nga konfliktet familjare, ndoshta, deri tek Lindja e Mesme.
William Ury - Mediator
William Ury is a mediator, writer and speaker, working with conflicts ranging from family feuds to boardroom battles to ethnic wars. He's the author of "Getting to Yes." Full bio
William Ury is a mediator, writer and speaker, working with conflicts ranging from family feuds to boardroom battles to ethnic wars. He's the author of "Getting to Yes." Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
Well, the subject of difficult negotiation
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Tema e negociimit të veshtirë
00:18
reminds me of one of my favorite stories
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me kujton një prej tregimeve të mia më të preferuara
00:20
from the Middle East,
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nga Lindja e Mesme
00:22
of a man who left to his three sons 17 camels.
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të një njeriu qe tre djemve të tij u kishte lënë 17 deve.
00:25
To the first son, he left half the camels.
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Djalit të parë, i la gjysmën e deveve;
00:28
To the second son, he left a third of the camels,
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djalit të dytë, i la një të tretën e deveve;
00:30
and to the youngest son, he left a ninth of the camels.
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dhe djalit të vogel, i la një të nëntën e deveve.
00:32
Well three sons got into a negotiation.
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Të tre djemtë hynë në negociata.
00:34
Seventeen doesn't divide by two.
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17 nuk pjesëtohet me dy.
00:36
It doesn't divide by three.
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Nuk pjesëtohet me tre.
00:38
It doesn't divide by nine.
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Nuk pjesëtohet as me nëntë.
00:40
Brotherly tempers started to get strained.
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Gjakftohtësia vllazë filloi të tendosej.
00:42
Finally, in desperation,
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Përfundimisht, të dëshpëruar,
00:44
they went and they consulted a wise old woman.
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ata shkuan dhe konsultuan një plakë të mencur.
00:47
The wise old woman thought about their problem for a long time,
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Plaka e mencur mendoi gjatë për problemin e tyre,
00:49
and finally she came back and said,
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dhe përfundimisht u kthye dhe tha.
00:51
"Well, I don't know if I can help you,
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"Nuk e di nëse mund të ju ndihmoj,
00:53
but at least, if you want, you can have my camel."
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por nëse doni, merrni deven time."
00:55
So then they had 18 camels.
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Kështuqë ata u bënë me18 deve.
00:57
The first son took his half -- half of 18 is nine.
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Djali i parë mori gjysmën -- gjysma e 18 është nëntë.
01:00
The second son took his third -- a third of 18 is six.
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Djali i dytë mori një të tretën -- një e treta e 18 është gjashtë.
01:03
The youngest son took his ninth --
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Djali i vogël mori një të nëntën --
01:05
a ninth of 18 is two.
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një e nënta e 18 është dy.
01:07
You get 17.
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Shuma e tyre 17.
01:09
They had one camel left over.
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U mbeti dhe një deve.
01:11
They gave it back to the wise old woman.
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dhe i'a kthyen atë plakës së mencur.
01:13
(Laughter)
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(Të qeshura)
01:15
Now if you think about that story for a moment,
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Po të mendoni për një çast për ktë histori
01:17
I think it resembles
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Mendoj se ngjan
01:19
a lot of the difficult negotiations we get involved in.
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shumë me negociatat e vështira në të cilat përfshihemi.
01:22
They start off like 17 camels -- no way to resolve it.
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Ata filluan me 17 deve -- s'kishte mënyrë për ta zgjidhur atë.
01:24
Somehow, what we need to do
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Në një farë menyre, ajo që duhet bërë
01:26
is step back from those situations, like that wise old woman,
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është të sprapsemi nga situata të tilla, sikurse plaka e mencur,
01:29
look at the situation through fresh eyes
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të shikojmë situatën me sy të freskët
01:31
and come up with an 18th camel.
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dhe të vijmë me deven e 18të.
01:35
Now finding that 18th camel in the world's conflicts
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Tani, të gjeja atë deven e 18 në konfliktet botërore
01:37
has been my life passion.
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ka qenë pasioni i jetës time.
01:40
I basically see humanity a bit like those three brothers.
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Unë e shoh njerëzimin, pak a shumë njësoj sikur ata tre vëllezërit;
01:43
We're all one family.
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të gjithë jemi një familje.
01:45
We know that scientifically,
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E dimë që shkencërisht,
01:47
thanks to the communications revolution,
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në saje të revolucionit të komunikimit,
01:49
all the tribes on the planet, all 15,000 tribes,
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të gjitha fiset tribale në planet, të gjitha 15,000 fiset,
01:52
are in touch with each other.
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janë në kontakt me njëri tjetrin.
01:55
And it's a big family reunion,
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është një ribashkim i madh familjar.
01:57
and yet, like many family reunions,
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Dhe ende, si cdo ribashkim familjar,
01:59
it's not all peace and light.
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nuk është gjithcka paqe dhe dritë.
02:01
There's a lot of conflict,
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Ka shumë konflikte.
02:03
and the question is,
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Dhe pyetja është,
02:05
how do we deal with our differences?
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si të sillemi me dallimet tona?
02:07
How do we deal with our deepest differences,
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si i të sillemi me dallimet më të thella,
02:09
given the human propensity for conflict
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duke pasë parasysh tendencën njerëzore për konflikt
02:11
and the human genius
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dhe gjenitë njerëzor
02:13
at devising weapons of enormous destruction?
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tek shpikin armë të shkatërrimit masiv?
02:16
That's the question.
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Kjo është pyetja.
02:18
As I've spent the last better part of three decades,
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Ndersa kalova nje pjesë të mirë të tri dekadave të kaluara --
02:21
almost four,
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pothuajse katër --
02:23
traveling the world,
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duke udhëtuar nëpër botë,
02:25
trying to work, getting involved in conflicts
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duke tentuar të punoj, duke u përfshirë në konflikte
02:28
ranging from Yugoslavia to the Middle East
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që prej Jugosllavisë deri në Lindje të Mesme
02:31
to Chechnya to Venezuela,
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prej Ceçenisë deri në Venezuelë
02:33
some of the most difficult conflicts on the face of the planet,
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disa nga konfliktet më të vështira në këtë planet,
02:36
I've been asking myself that question.
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Gjithmonë e kam pyetur veten.
02:38
And I think I've found, in some ways,
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Dhe mendoj e kam gjetur, në një menyrë,
02:40
what is the secret to peace.
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cili është sekreti i paqes.
02:42
It's actually surprisingly simple.
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është në fakt, befasisht i thjeshtë.
02:45
It's not easy, but it's simple.
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Nuk është i lehtë, por i thjeshtë.
02:48
It's not even new.
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Nuk është as i ri.
02:50
It may be one of our most ancient human heritages.
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Mund të jetë një prej trashëgimive njerëzore më të lashta.
02:52
The secret to peace is us.
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Sekreti i paqes jemi ne.
02:55
It's us who act
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Jemi ne që veprojmë
02:57
as the surrounding community
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si komuniteti rrethues
02:59
around any conflict,
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rreth cdo konflikti,
03:01
who can play a constructive role.
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i cili mund të luajë rol konstruktiv.
03:03
Let me give you just a story, an example.
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Me lejoni t'ju ofroj vetëm një tregim, një shembull.
03:07
About 20 years ago, I was in South Africa
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Rreth 20 vjet më parë isha në Afrikën e Jugut
03:09
working with the parties in that conflict,
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duke punuar me palët në atë konflikt,
03:11
and I had an extra month,
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dhe kisha një muaj shtesë,
03:13
so I spent some time living
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kështuqe kalova ca kohë duke jetuar
03:15
with several groups of San Bushmen.
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me disa grupe në San Bushmen.
03:17
I was curious about them and about the way in which they resolve conflict.
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Isha kurioz në lidhje me ta dhe mënyrën se si i zgjidhnin konfliktet.
03:21
Because, after all, within living memory,
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Sepse, pas të gjithave, brenda kujtesës jetësore,
03:23
they were hunters and gatherers,
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ata ishin gjahtarë dhe mbledhës,
03:25
living pretty much like our ancestors lived
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që jetonin afërsisht njësoj sikurse paraardhësit tanë
03:27
for maybe 99 percent of the human story.
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te ndoshta 99 perqind të historise njerëzore.
03:30
And all the men have these poison arrows that they use for hunting --
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Dhe të gjithë burrat kishin shigjetat helmuese të cilat i përdornin për gjah --
03:33
absolutely fatal.
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absolutisht fatale.
03:35
So how do they deal with their differences?
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Si i tejkalojnë ata dallimet e tyre?
03:37
Well what I learned
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Ajo që mësova
03:39
is whenever tempers rise in those communities,
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është që sa herë gjaknxehtësia rritet në ato komunitete,
03:42
someone goes and hides the poison arrows out in the bush,
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dikush i merr dhe i fsheh shigjetat helmuese nëpër shkurre,
03:45
and then everyone sits around in a circle like this,
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dhe atëherë gjithsecili ulet në një rreth si ky,
03:49
and they sit, and they talk, and they talk.
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ulen, edhe flasin, e flasin.
03:52
It may take two days, three days, four days,
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Mund t'i zgjase dy ditë, tri ditë, katër ditë,
03:54
but they don't rest
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por ata nuk pushojnë
03:56
until they find a resolution,
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derisa e gjejnë një zgjidhje,
03:58
or better yet, a reconciliation.
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ose edhe më mirë, një pajtim.
04:00
And if tempers are still too high,
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Dhe nëse gjaknxëhtësia është ende shumë e lartë,
04:02
then they send someone off to visit some relatives
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atëherë dërgojnë dikë të vizitoje të afërmit
04:04
as a cooling-off period.
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si një periudhë qetësimi.
04:06
Well that system
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Ky sistem
04:08
is, I think, probably the system that kept us alive to this point,
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është, mendoj unë, ndoshta sistemi që na ka mbajtur ende gjallë deri në këtë pikë,
04:11
given our human tendencies.
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duke marrë për bazë tendencat tona njerëzore.
04:13
That system, I call the "third side."
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Këtë sistem, unë e quaj ana e tretë.
04:16
Because if you think about it,
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Sepse nëse mendoni në lidhje me të,
04:18
normally when we think of conflict, when we describe it,
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normalisht kur mendojmë dhe përshkruajmë konfliktin,
04:21
there's always two sides --
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kemi gjithmonë dy anë.
04:23
it's Arabs versus Israelis, labor versus management,
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Janë Arabët kundër Izraelitëve, punëtorët kundër menaxhimit,
04:25
husband versus wife, Republicans versus Democrats.
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burri kundër gruas, Republikanët kundër Demokratëve,
04:28
But what we don't often see
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por cka nuk shohim shpesh
04:30
is that there's always a third side,
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është fakti që gjithmonë kemi një anë të tretë.
04:32
and the third side of the conflict is us,
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Dhe ana e tretë e konfliktit jemi ne,
04:34
it's the surrounding community,
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është komuniteti rrethues,
04:36
it's the friends, the allies,
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janë miqtë, aleatët,
04:38
the family members, the neighbors.
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anëtarët e familjes, fqinjët.
04:40
And we can play an incredibly constructive role.
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Ne mund të luajmë një rol jashtëzakonisht konstruktiv.
04:43
Perhaps the most fundamental way
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Ndoshta, mënyra më fondamentale
04:45
in which the third side can help
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në të cilën ana e tretë ndihmon
04:48
is to remind the parties of what's really at stake.
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është t'ju kujtojë palëve cka në të vërtetë ka rëndësi.
04:51
For the sake of the kids, for the sake of the family,
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Për hir të fëmijëve, për hir të familjes,
04:53
for the sake of the community, for the sake of the future,
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për hir të bashkësisë, për hir të së ardhmes,
04:56
let's stop fighting for a moment and start talking.
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le të ndalojmë së luftuari për një moment dhe të fillojmë të flasim.
04:59
Because, the thing is,
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Sepse, cështja është se,
05:01
when we're involved in conflict,
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kur jemi të përfshirë në konflikt.
05:03
it's very easy to lose perspective.
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është shumë lehtë të humbim perspektiven.
05:05
It's very easy to react.
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është shumë lehtë të reagojmë.
05:07
Human beings -- we're reaction machines.
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Qeniet njerëzore: ne jemi makina reaguese.
05:10
And as the saying goes,
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Dhe sipas shprehjes,
05:12
when angry, you will make the best speech
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i nevrikosur, do të mbash fjalimin më të mirë
05:14
you will ever regret.
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per te cilin gjithmone do të pendohesh.
05:17
And so the third side reminds us of that.
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Dhe kështu ana e tretë na kujton atë.
05:20
The third side helps us go to the balcony,
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Ana e tretë na ndihmon të dalim në ballkon,
05:22
which is a metaphor for a place of perspective,
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që është një metaforë për një vend të perspektivës,
05:25
where we can keep our eyes on the prize.
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ku ne mund të mbajmë sytë në shpërblimin.
05:28
Let me tell you a little story from my own negotiating experience.
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Më lejoni t'ju tregoj një tregim nga pervoja ime e negociimit.
05:31
Some years ago, I was involved as a facilitator
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Disa vite më parë, ndersa isha i përfshirë si lehtesues
05:34
in some very tough talks
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në disa biseda vërtetë të vështira
05:36
between the leaders of Russia
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ndërmjet liderëve të Rusisë
05:38
and the leaders of Chechnya.
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dhe liderëve të Ceçenisë.
05:40
There was a war going on, as you know.
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Aty po zhvillohej një luftë, sic e dini.
05:42
And we met in the Hague,
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U takuam në Hagë,
05:44
in the Peace Palace,
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në Pallatin e Paqes,
05:46
in the same room where the Yugoslav war crimes tribunal
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në të njejtën dhomë ku po zhvillohej gjyqi
05:49
was taking place.
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për krimet në Jugosllavi.
05:51
And the talks got off to a rather rocky start
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Bisedimet patën një fillim të vështirë
05:53
when the vice president of Chechnya
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kur zëvendëspresidenti i Cecenisë
05:55
began by pointing at the Russians and said,
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filloi duke u drejtuar kah Rusët dhe tha,
05:58
"You should stay right here in your seats,
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"Ju duhet të qendroni pikërisht këtu, në keto karrige,
06:00
because you're going to be on trial for war crimes."
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sepse do të gjykoheni për krime lufte."
06:02
And then he went on, and then he turned to me and said,
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Pastaj vazhdoi, u drejtua nga unë dhe tha,
06:04
"You're an American.
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"Ti je amerikan.
06:06
Look at what you Americans are doing in Puerto Rico."
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Shih c'po bëni ju amerikanët në Porto Riko."
06:09
And my mind started racing, "Puerto Rico? What do I know about Puerto Rico?"
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Mendja ime filloi të punoje, "Porto Riko? c'di unë për Porto Riko-n?"
06:12
I started reacting,
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Fillova të reagoj,
06:14
but then I tried to remember to go to the balcony.
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por më pas mu kujtua të dal në ballkon.
06:17
And then when he paused,
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Ai beri nje pauze,
06:19
and everyone looked at me for a response,
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të gjithë shikonin nga unë për një përgjigje,
06:21
from a balcony perspective, I was able to thank him for his remarks
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nga perspektiva e ballkonit, unë isha në gjendje ta falenderoja për qendrimin e tij
06:24
and say, "I appreciate your criticism of my country,
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dhe të them, "Unë e respektoj kriticizmin tënd për vendin tim,
06:27
and I take it as a sign that we're among friends
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dhe e marrë këtë si shenjë që jemi në mes miqësh
06:29
and can speak candidly to one another.
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dhe që mund të flasim ndershëm me njëri tjetrin.
06:32
And what we're here to do is not to talk about Puerto Rico or the past.
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Por, ne jemi këtu, jo për të folur për Porto Rikon ose të kaluarën.
06:35
What we're here to do is to see if we can figure out a way
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Jemi këtu për të parë nëse mund të gjejmë një mënyrë
06:38
to stop the suffering and the bloodshed in Chechnya."
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për të ndaluar vuajtjet dhe gjakderdhjen në Ceceni."
06:41
The conversation got back on track.
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Biseda u kthye në binarë.
06:44
That's the role of the third side,
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Ky është roli i anës së tretë,
06:46
is to help the parties to go to the balcony.
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është që t'i ndihmoje palët të dalin në ballkon.
06:48
Now let me take you for a moment
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Tani më lejoni t'ju dërgoj për një moment
06:51
to what's widely regarded as the world's most difficult conflict,
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në atë që botërisht njihet si konflikti më i vështirë botëror,
06:53
or the most impossible conflict,
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ose konflikti më i pamundur,
06:55
is the Middle East.
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është Lindja e Mesme.
06:57
Question is: where's the third side there?
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Pyetja është: cila është ana e tretë atje?
07:00
How could we possibly go to the balcony?
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Si ka mundësi që të dalim në ballkon?
07:02
Now I don't pretend to have an answer
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Nuk pretendoj se kam ndonjë përgjigje
07:04
to the Middle East conflict,
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për konfliktin e Lindjes së Mesme,
07:06
but I think I've got a first step,
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por mendoj se kam një hap të parë,
07:08
literally, a first step,
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praktikisht një hap të parë,
07:10
something that any one of us could do as third-siders.
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dicka që cdonjëri prej nesh mund të bëjë si anë e tretë.
07:13
Let me just ask you one question first.
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Mirëpo më lejoni t'ju pyes njëherë.
07:15
How many of you
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Sa prej jush
07:17
in the last years
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në vitet e fundit
07:19
have ever found yourself worrying about the Middle East
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jeni gjetur te brengosur per Lindjen e Mesme
07:22
and wondering what anyone could do?
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dhe keni menduar c'mund te behet?
07:24
Just out of curiosity, how many of you?
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Vetem prej kuriozitetit, sa prej jush?
07:26
Okay, so the great majority of us.
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Ne rregull, pra shumica prej nesh.
07:29
And here, it's so far away.
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Dhe prape, eshte aq larg prej ketu.
07:31
Why do we pay so much attention to this conflict?
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Pse i kushtojme kaq shume rendesi ketij konflikti?
07:34
Is it the number of deaths?
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A eshte numri i te vrareve?
07:36
There are a hundred times more people who die
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Ka me qindra njerez me shume qe vdesin
07:38
in a conflict in Africa than in the Middle East.
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ne nje konflikt ne Afrike sesa ne Lindje te Mesme.
07:40
No, it's because of the story,
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Jo, eshte per shkak te tregimit,
07:42
because we feel personally involved
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sepse ne ndihemi personalisht te perfshire
07:44
in that story.
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ne ate tregim.
07:46
Whether we're Christians, Muslims or Jews,
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Edhe nese jemi te Krishtere, Muslimane ose Hebrej,
07:48
religious or non-religious,
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fetar ose jo-fetar,
07:50
we feel we have a personal stake in it.
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ne ndihemi sikur kemi nje pjese tonen ne te.
07:52
Stories matter. As an anthropologist, I know that.
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Tregimet kane rendesi. Si nje antropolog e di kete.
07:55
Stories are what we use to transmit knowledge.
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I perdorim tregimet per te trasnmetuar njohuri.
07:58
They give meaning to our lives.
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Ato i japin kuptim jetes tone.
08:00
That's what we tell here at TED, we tell stories.
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Dhe kete tregojme ketu ne TED, tregime.
08:02
Stories are the key.
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Tregimet jane celesi.
08:04
And so my question is,
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Keshtuqe pyetja ime eshte,
08:07
yes, let's try and resolve the politics
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po, le te provojme te zgjidhim politiken
08:09
there in the Middle East,
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atje ne Lindje te mesme,
08:11
but let's also take a look at the story.
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por gjithashtu te shikojme pak dhe tregimin.
08:14
Let's try to get at the root of what it's all about.
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Le te provojme te arrijme ne rrenje te te gjithe kesaj.
08:16
Let's see if we can apply the third side to it.
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Le te shohim nese mund te aplikojme anen e trete ne te.
08:18
What would that mean? What is the story there?
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Cka do te thoshte kjo? Si eshte historia atje?
08:21
Now as anthropologists, we know
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Si antropologe, ne e dime
08:23
that every culture has an origin story.
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se cdo kulture ka nje tregim origjine.
08:26
What's the origin story of the Middle East?
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Cili eshte tregimi i origjines per Lindjen e Mesme?
08:28
In a phrase, it's:
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Ne nje fraze, eshte:
08:30
4,000 years ago, a man and his family
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4,000 vite me pare, nje njeri dhe familja e tij
08:33
walked across the Middle East,
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kaluan neper Lindje te Mesme,
08:35
and the world has never been the same since.
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dhe qe prej atehere bota nuk ka qene me e njejte.
08:38
That man, of course,
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Njeriu, sigurisht,
08:40
was Abraham.
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ishte Abrahami.
08:42
And what he stood for was unity,
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Dhe ajo per cka ai qendronte, ishte bashkimi,
08:44
the unity of the family.
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bashkimi i familjes.
08:46
He's the father of us all.
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Ai eshte babai i te gjithe neve.
08:48
But it's not just what he stood for, it's what his message was.
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Por nuk eshte kjo vetem ajo per cka ai qendronte, por dhe porosia e tij.
08:50
His basic message was unity too,
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Porosia thelbesore e tij ishte bashkimi gjithashtu,
08:53
the interconnectedness of it all, the unity of it all,
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nderlidhshmeria dhe bashkimi i te gjitheve.
08:56
and his basic value was respect,
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Vlera kryesore ishte respekti,
08:59
was kindness toward strangers.
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dashamiresia ne drejtim te te panjohurve.
09:01
That's what he's known for, his hospitality.
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Kjo eshte ajo per cka ai njihet, mikepritja e tij.
09:04
So in that sense,
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Pra ne kete kuptim,
09:06
he's the symbolic third side
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ai eshte nje ane simbolike e trete
09:08
of the Middle East.
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e Lindes se Mesme.
09:10
He's the one who reminds us
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Ai na kujton
09:13
that we're all part of a greater whole.
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qe te gjithe jemi pjese e nje teresie me te madhe.
09:15
Now how would you --
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Pra si mund te --
09:17
now think about that for a moment.
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mendoni per nje moment.
09:19
Today we face the scourge of terrorism.
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Sot perballemi me semundjen e keqe te terrorizmit.
09:22
What is terrorism?
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Cka eshte terrorizmi?
09:24
Terrorism is basically taking an innocent stranger
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Terrorizmi eshte thjeshte te marresh nje te panjohur te pafajshem
09:27
and treating them as an enemy whom you kill
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dhe ta trajtosh si nje armik te cilin e vret
09:30
in order to create fear.
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ne menyre qe te perhapesh frike.
09:32
What's the opposite of terrorism?
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Cka eshte e kunderta e terrorizmit?
09:34
It's taking an innocent stranger
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eshte te marresh nje te panjohur te pafajshem
09:36
and treating them as a friend
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dhe ta trajtosh si mik
09:38
whom you welcome into your home
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te cilin e mirepret ne shtepi
09:41
in order to sow and create understanding,
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ne menyre qe te mbjellesh dhe te krijosh mirekuptim,
09:43
or respect, or love.
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ose respekt, ose dashuri.
09:46
So what if then
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Pra cka nese
09:48
you took the story of Abraham,
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merrni tregimin e Abrahamit,
09:51
which is a third side story,
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i cili eshte nje tregim i anes se trete,
09:53
what if that could be --
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cka nese ai mund te jete --
09:55
because Abraham stands for hospitality --
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sepse Abrahami eshte sinonim i miresjelljes --
09:58
what if that could be an antidote to terrorism?
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cka nese ai mund te jete nje sherim per terrorizmin?
10:01
What if that could be a vaccine
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Cka nese ai mund te jete nje vaksine
10:03
against religious intolerance?
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kunder jotolerances fetare?
10:05
How would you bring that story to life?
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Si do t'i jepnit jete atij tregimi?
10:08
Now it's not enough just to tell a story --
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Nuk mjafton vetem te tregosh nje tregim --
10:10
that's powerful --
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kjo eshte e fuqishme --
10:12
but people need to experience the story.
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por njerezit duhet te ndiejne ate tregim.
10:14
They need to be able to live the story. How would you do that?
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Ata duhet te jene ne gjendje ta jetojne tregimin. Si do ta benit kete?
10:17
And that was my thinking of how would you do that.
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Per kete po mendoja, si do ta benit kete.
10:20
And that's what comes to the first step here.
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Dhe kjo eshte ajo qe na sjell te hapi i pare kete.
10:22
Because the simple way to do that
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Sepse menyra me e thjeshte per ta bere kete
10:24
is you go for a walk.
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eshte qe ju te dilni per te ecur.
10:27
You go for a walk in the footsteps of Abraham.
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Per te ecur hapave te Abrahamit.
10:30
You retrace the footsteps of Abraham.
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Te perserisni hapat e Abrahamit.
10:33
Because walking has a real power.
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Sepse ecja ka nje fuqi te madhe.
10:36
You know, as an anthropologist, walking is what made us human.
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Si antropolog, ecja eshta ajo qe na ka bere njerez.
10:39
Walking, it's funny, when you walk,
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eshte e habitshme, kur ecen,
10:41
you walk side-by-side
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ec krahe per krahe
10:43
in the same common direction.
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ne te njejtin drejtim te perbashket.
10:46
Now if I were to come to you face-to-face
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Nese do ju kisha dale balle per balle
10:48
and come this close to you,
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dhe tu ju afrohem kaq afer,
10:51
you would feel threatened.
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do te ndiheshit te kercenuar.
10:54
But if I walk shoulder-to-shoulder,
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Por nese do te ecja krahe per krahu,
10:56
even touching shoulders,
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edhe po te prekim krahet,
10:58
it's no problem.
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nuk paraqet problem.
11:00
Who fights while they walk?
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Kush lufton ndersa ec?
11:02
That's why in negotiations, often, when things get tough,
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Per kete shkak shpesh ne negociata, kur gjerat behen te veshtira,
11:05
people go for walks in the woods.
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njerezit shkojne per te hecur ne mal.
11:07
So the idea came to me
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Keshtuqe me ka ardhur ne mend ideja
11:09
of what about inspiring
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cka nese inspirojme
11:11
a path, a route --
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nje rrugetim, nje rruge --
11:13
think the silk route, think the Appalachian trail --
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mendoni rrugen e mendafshit, shtegun e Apalasheve --
11:16
that followed in the footsteps
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qe ndoqi hapat
11:18
of Abraham.
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e Abrahamit.
11:20
People said, "That's crazy. You can't.
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Njerezit thane, "Kjo eshte cmenduri, Nuk mundesh.
11:22
You can't retrace the footsteps of Abraham. It's too insecure.
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Nuk mund te perserisesh hapat e Abrahamit. eshte shume e pasigurte.
11:25
You've got to cross all these borders.
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Duhet te kalosh gjithe keta kufinj.
11:27
It goes across 10 different countries in the Middle East,
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Shkon pertej 10 shteteve te ndryshme ne Lindje te Mesme,
11:29
because it unites them all."
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sepse i bashkon te gjtiha."
11:31
And so we studied the idea at Harvard.
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Keshtuqe e studiuam kete ide ne Harvard.
11:33
We did our due diligence.
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Ne beme pergatitjet e nevojshme.
11:35
And then a few years ago, a group of us,
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Dhe disa vite me vone, nje grup prej nesh,
11:37
about 25 of us from about 10 different countries,
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rreth 25 prej nesh nga rreth 10 shtete te ndryshme,
11:39
decided to see if we could retrace the footsteps of Abraham,
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vendosem te shikojme nese mund te perserisim hapat e Abrahamit,
11:41
going from his initial birthplace in the city of Urfa
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duke shkuar nga vendlindja e tij ne qytetin Urfa
11:44
in Southern Turkey, Northern Mesopotamia.
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ne Turqine Jugore, Mesopotamine Veriore.
11:47
And we then took a bus and took some walks
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Me pas morem nje autobus dhe ecem prape
11:50
and went to Harran,
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dhe shkuam ne Harran,
11:52
where, in the Bible, he sets off on his journey.
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ku, ne Bible, ai ndalon ne udhetimin e tij.
11:55
Then we crossed the border into Syria, went to Aleppo,
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Me pas kaluam kufirin dhe hyme ne Siri, shkuam ne Alepo,
11:57
which, turns out, is named after Abraham.
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qe doli se eshte emertuar sipas Abrahamit.
11:59
We went to Damascus,
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Shkuam ne Damask,
12:01
which has a long history associated with Abraham.
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i cili ka nje histori te gjate te lidhur me Abrahamin.
12:03
We then came to Northern Jordan,
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Me pas erdhem ne Jordanine Veriore,
12:06
to Jerusalem,
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ne Jerusalem,
12:08
which is all about Abraham, to Bethlehem,
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i cili ka te beje teresisht me Abrahamin, ne Betlehem,
12:11
and finally to the place where he's buried
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dhe perfundimisht ne vendin ku ai prehet
12:13
in Hebron.
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ne Hebron.
12:15
So effectively, we went from womb to tomb.
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Kaq shpejt, arritem nga origjina tek varri.
12:17
We showed it could be done. It was an amazing journey.
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Deshmuam se mund te behej, Ishte nje udhetim i mahnitshem.
12:20
Let me ask you a question.
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Me lejoni tju pyes dicka.
12:22
How many of you have had the experience
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Sa prej jush keni perjetuar
12:24
of being in a strange neighborhood,
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te jeni ne nje lagje te huaj,
12:26
or strange land,
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ose vend te huaj,
12:28
and a total stranger, perfect stranger,
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dhe nje i panjohur, nje i panjohur perfekt,
12:31
comes up to you and shows you some kindness,
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vjen dhe ju tregon pak miresi,
12:34
maybe invites you into their home, gives you a drink,
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ndoshta ju fton ne shtepine e tij, ju ofron nje pije,
12:36
gives you a coffee, gives you a meal?
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ju jep nje kafe, apo ushqim?
12:38
How many of you have ever had that experience?
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Sa prej jush keni pasur nje pervoje te tille?
12:40
That's the essence
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Kjo eshte esenca
12:42
of the Abraham path.
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e rrugetimit te Abrahamit.
12:44
But that's what you discover, is you go into these villages in the Middle East
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Kjo eshte ajo cka do te zbuloni, nese shkoni ne fshatrat e Lindjes se Mesme
12:46
where you expect hostility,
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ku ju prisni armiqesi,
12:48
and you get the most amazing hospitality,
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dhe merrni mikepritjen me te mahnitshme,
12:50
all associated with Abraham.
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krejt te lidhur me Abrahamin.
12:52
"In the name of father Abraham,
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"Ne emer te atit Abraham,
12:54
let me offer you some food."
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me lejoni te ju ofroj ca ushqim."
12:56
So what we discovered
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Pra ajo cka zbuluam
12:58
is that Abraham is not just a figure out of a book for those people.
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eshte se Abrahami nuk eshte vetem nje figure libri per ata njerez,
13:01
He's alive; he's a living presence.
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ai eshte i gjalle, prezenca e tij jeton.
13:04
And to make a long story short,
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Dhe per te shkurtuar nje tregim te gjate,
13:06
in the last couple of years now,
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ne vitet e fundit tashme,
13:08
thousands of people
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mijera njerez
13:10
have begun to walk parts of the path of Abraham
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kane filluar te bejne pjese te rrugetimeve te Abrahamit
13:12
in the Middle East,
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ne Lindjen e Mesme,
13:14
enjoying the hospitality of the people there.
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duke shijuar mikepritjen e njerezve atje.
13:17
They've begun to walk
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Ata kane filluar te ecin
13:19
in Israel and Palestine,
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ne Israel dhe Palestine,
13:21
in Jordan, in Turkey, in Syria.
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ne Jordani, ne Turqi, ne Siri.
13:23
It's an amazing experience.
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eshte nje pervoje e mrekullueshme.
13:25
Men, women, young people, old people --
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Burra, gra, te rinj, te vjeter --
13:27
more women than men, actually, interestingly.
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me shume gra se burra, ne fakt, cuditerisht.
13:30
For those who can't walk,
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Per ata te cilet s'mund te ecin,
13:32
who are unable to get there right now,
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qe s'mund te shkojne aty ne kete moment,
13:34
people started to organize walks
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njerezit kane filluar te organizojne ecje
13:36
in cities, in their own communities.
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ne qytete, ne bashkesite e tyre.
13:38
In Cincinnati, for instance, that organized a walk
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Ne Cincinati, per shembull, u organizua nje ecje
13:40
from a church to a mosque to a synagogue
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nga kisha ne xhami dhe ne sinagoge
13:42
and all had an Abrahamic meal together.
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dhe te gjithe hengren nje darke Abrahamike se bashku.
13:44
It was Abraham Path Day.
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Ishte dita e rrugetimit te Abrahamit.
13:46
In Sao Paulo, Brazil, it's become an annual event
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Ne Sao Paulo, Brazil, eshte shnderruar ne nje ngjarje vjetore
13:48
for thousands of people to run
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per mijera njerez qe te vrapojne
13:50
in a virtual Abraham Path Run,
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ne nje vrapim virtual te rrugetimit te Abrahamit
13:52
uniting the different communities.
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duke bashkuar komunitetet e ndryshme.
13:54
The media love it; they really adore it.
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Mediat e pelqejne, ata e adhurojne ate.
13:57
They lavish attention on it
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Ato i kushtojne shume vemendje.
13:59
because it's visual,
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sepse eshte e dukshme,
14:01
and it spreads the idea,
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dhe shperndan idene,
14:03
this idea of Abrahamic hospitality
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idene e mikepritjes Abrahamike
14:05
of kindness towards strangers.
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te miresise ndaj te huajve.
14:07
And just a couple weeks ago,
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Veem disa jave me pare,
14:09
there was an NPR story on it.
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patem nje raport ne NPR per te.
14:11
Last month,
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Muajin e fundit,
14:13
there was a piece in the Guardian,
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kishte nje artikull ne Guardian,
14:15
in the Manchester Guardian, about it --
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ne Guardianin e Mancesterit, per te --
14:18
two whole pages.
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dy faqe te plota.
14:21
And they quoted a villager
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Ata cituan nje fshatar
14:24
who said, "This walk connects us to the world."
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i cili tha, "Kjo ecje na lidh me boten."
14:27
He said it was like a light that went on in our lives.
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Ai tha se ishte si nje drite qe u ndez nje jeten tone.
14:30
It brought us hope.
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Na ka sjelle shprese.
14:32
And so that's what it's about.
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Dhe ky eshte qellimi i saj.
14:34
But it's not just about psychology;
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Por s'eshte vetem per psikologjine,
14:37
it's about economics,
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eshte per ekonomine,
14:39
because as people walk they spend money.
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sepse perderisa njerezit ecin ata harxhojne para.
14:41
And this woman right here, Um Ahmad,
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Dhe kjo grua ketu, Um Ahmad,
14:44
is a woman who lives on a path in Northern Jordan.
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eshte nje grua qe jeton pergjate rrugetimit ne Jordanine Veriore.
14:47
She's desperately poor.
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Ajo eshte tmerresisht e varfer.
14:49
She's partially blind, her husband can't work,
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Ajo eshte pjeserisht e verber, burri i saj s'mund te punoje,
14:52
she's got seven kids.
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ajo ka shtate femije.
14:55
But what she can do is cook,
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Por cka ajo mund te bej eshte te gatuaj.
14:57
and so she's begun to cook for some groups of walkers
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Keshtuqe ajo ka filluar te gatuaj per ca grupe qe ecin
15:00
who come through the village and have a meal in her home.
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te cilet vijne permes fshatit te saj dhe hajne nje dreke ne shtepine e saj.
15:03
They sit on the floor.
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Ata ulen ne dysheme.
15:05
She doesn't even have a tablecloth.
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Ajo madje s'ka as mbulese tavoline.
15:07
She makes the most delicious food
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Ajo ben ushqimet me te shijshme
15:09
that's fresh from the herbs in the surrounding countryside.
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te freskta nga barishtet e rrethines se fshatit.
15:12
And so more and more walkers have come,
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Me shume e me shume njerez kane ardhur.
15:14
and lately she's begun to earn an income
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Se fundi ajo ka filluar te perfitoje ca te holla
15:16
to support her family.
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qe te mbaje familjen e saj.
15:18
And so she told our team there, she said,
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Ajo i tregoj ekipit tone kete, dhe tha,
15:21
"You have made me visible
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"Me keni bere te dukshme
15:24
in a village where people were once ashamed
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ne nje fshat ku njerezit me pare ishin te turperuar
15:26
to look at me."
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te me shikonin."
15:28
That's the potential of the Abraham path.
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Ky eshte potenciali i rrugetimit te Abrahamit.
15:31
There are literally hundreds of those kinds of communities
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Ka me qindra komunitete te tilla
15:33
across the Middle East, across the path.
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pergjate Lindjes se Mesme, pergjate rrugetimit.
15:37
The potential is basically to change the game.
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Potenciali eshte per te ndryshuar lojen.
15:40
And to change the game, you have to change the frame,
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Dhe per te dryshuar lojen, duhet te ndryshoni kornizen,
15:42
the way we see things --
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menyren si ne i shohim gjerat --
15:44
to change the frame
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per te ndryshuar kornizen
15:46
from hostility to hospitality,
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nga armiqesia ne mikepritje,
15:49
from terrorism to tourism.
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prej terrorizmit ne turizem.
15:52
And in that sense, the Abraham path
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Dhe ne kete kuptim, rrugetimi i Abrahamit
15:54
is a game-changer.
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eshte nje ndryshues i lojes.
15:56
Let me just show you one thing.
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Me lejoni te ju tregoj nje gje.
15:58
I have a little acorn here
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Kam nje lende lisi te vogel ketu
16:00
that I picked up while I was walking on the path
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te cilen e kam marr ndersa po ecja ne rrugetim
16:02
earlier this year.
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me heret kete vit.
16:04
Now the acorn is associated with the oak tree, of course --
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Lendja lidhet me pemen e lisit, sigurisht --
16:06
grows into an oak tree,
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rritet ne pemen e lisit,
16:08
which is associated with Abraham.
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i cili lidhet me Abrahamin.
16:10
The path right now is like an acorn;
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Rrugetimi ne kete moment eshte si nje lende;
16:12
it's still in its early phase.
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eshte ende ne fazen e tij te hershme
16:14
What would the oak tree look like?
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Si do te dukej lisi?
16:16
Well I think back to my childhood,
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Kujtoj femijerine,
16:18
a good part of which I spent, after being born here in Chicago,
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nje pjese te mire te se ciles e kam kaluar, pasi linda ketu ne Cikago,
16:20
I spent in Europe.
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e kam kaluar ne Evrope.
16:22
If you had been
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Nese do te kishit qene
16:24
in the ruins of, say, London
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ne rremujen e, te themi, Londres
16:26
in 1945, or Berlin,
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me 1945, ose Berlin,
16:29
and you had said,
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dhe do te kishit thene,
16:31
"Sixty years from now,
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"60 vjet nga tani,
16:33
this is going to be the most peaceful, prosperous part of the planet,"
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ky do te jete pjesa me paqesore dhe me prosperuese e planetit,"
16:35
people would have thought
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njerezit do te mendonin
16:37
you were certifiably insane.
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se jeni i cmendur me kartele.
16:39
But they did it thanks to a common identity -- Europe --
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Por ata ia arriten ne saje te identitetit te perbashket -- Evrope --
16:43
and a common economy.
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dhe nje ekonomie te perbashket.
16:45
So my question is, if it can be done in Europe,
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Keshtuqe pyetja ime eshte, nese mund te arrihet ne Evrope,
16:48
why not in the Middle East?
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pse jo ne Lindje te Mesme?
16:50
Why not, thanks to a common identity,
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Pse jo, fale nje identiteti te njejte --
16:52
which is the story of Abraham,
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i cili eshte tregimi i Abrahamit --
16:54
and thanks to a common economy
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dhe fale nje ekonomie te perbashket
16:56
that would be based in good part on tourism?
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qe do te bazohej kryesisht mbi turizmin?
17:00
So let me conclude then
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Me lejoni ta mbyll
17:02
by saying that in the last 35 years,
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duke thene se ne 35 vitet e fundit,
17:05
as I've worked
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ndersa kam punuar
17:07
in some of the most dangerous, difficult and intractable
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ne disa prej konflikteve me te rrezikshme, me te veshtira dhe me kokeforte
17:09
conflicts around the planet,
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rreth e rrotull planetit,
17:11
I have yet to see one conflict
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Akoma s'kam pare nje konflikt
17:14
that I felt could not be transformed.
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qe te ndihem se mund te transformohet.
17:17
It's not easy, of course,
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Nuk eshte lehte, sigurisht,
17:19
but it's possible.
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por eshte e mundur.
17:21
It was done in South Africa.
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eshte arritur ne Afriken Jugore.
17:23
It was done in Northern Ireland.
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eshte arritur ne Irlanden Veriore.
17:25
It could be done anywhere.
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Mund te arrihet kudo.
17:27
It simply depends on us.
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Thjesht varet nga ne.
17:29
It depends on us taking the third side.
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Varet nga ne nese marrim anen e trete.
17:32
So let me invite you
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Me lejoni te ju ftoj
17:34
to consider taking the third side,
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te konsideroni te merrni anen e trete,
17:36
even as a very small step.
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edhe vetem si nje hap te vogel.
17:38
We're about to take a break in a moment.
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Do bejme pushim pas nje minute.
17:40
Just go up to someone
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Vetem afrohuni tek dikush
17:42
who's from a different culture, a different country,
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qe eshte prej nje kulture te ndryshme, vendi te ndryshem,
17:45
a different ethnicity, some difference,
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etnie te ndryshme, ka disa dallime,
17:47
and engage them in a conversation; listen to them.
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dhe angazhohuni ne bisede: degjoni ata.
17:50
That's a third side act.
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Ky eshte nje veprim i anes se trete.
17:52
That's walking Abraham's path.
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Ky eshte te ecesh rrugetimin e Abrahamit.
17:54
After a TEDTalk,
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Pas nje Bisede ne TED.
17:56
why not a TEDWalk?
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pse jo nje ecje ne TED?
17:58
So let me just leave you
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Pra me lejon te ju le
18:00
with three things.
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me tri gjera.
18:02
One is, the secret to peace
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Njeri eshte, sekreti i paqes
18:05
is the third side.
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eshte ana e trete.
18:08
The third side is us.
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Ana e trete jemi ne,
18:10
Each of us,
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secili prej nesh,
18:12
with a single step,
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me nje hap te vetem,
18:14
can take the world, can bring the world
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mund te marr boten, mund te sjelle boten,
18:17
a step closer to peace.
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nje hap me afer paqes.
18:20
There's an old African proverb that goes:
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Nje proverb Afrikan thote:
18:22
"When spider webs unite,
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Kur rrjetat e merimanges bashkohen,
18:24
they can halt even the lion."
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ato mund te ndalojne edhe nje luan."
18:27
If we're able to unite
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Nese jemi ne gjendje te bashkojme
18:29
our third-side webs of peace,
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rrjetat tona te anes se trete te paqes,
18:31
we can even halt the lion of war.
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mund te ndalojme edhe luanin e luftes.
18:34
Thank you very much.
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Falemnderit shume.
18:36
(Applause)
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Duartrokitje
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
William Ury - MediatorWilliam Ury is a mediator, writer and speaker, working with conflicts ranging from family feuds to boardroom battles to ethnic wars. He's the author of "Getting to Yes."
Why you should listen
William L. Ury co-founded Harvard's Program on Negotiation and is currently a Senior Fellow of the Harvard Negotiation Project. He is the author of The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No & Still Get to Yes, and co-author (with Roger Fisher) of Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, translated into 30+ languages. He is also author of the award-winning Getting Past No: Negotiating with Difficult People and Getting To Peace (released in paperback under the title The Third Side).
Over the last 30 years, Ury has served as a negotiation adviser and mediator in conflicts ranging from corporate mergers to wildcat strikes in a Kentucky coal mine to ethnic wars in the Middle East, the Balkans, and the former Soviet Union. With former president Jimmy Carter, he co- founded the International Negotiation Network, a non-governmental body seeking to end civil wars around the world. During the 1980s, he helped the US and Soviet governments create nuclear crisis centers designed to avert an accidental nuclear war. In that capacity, he served as a consultant to the Crisis Management Center at the White House. More recently, Ury has served as a third party in helping to end a civil war in Aceh, Indonesia, and helping to prevent one in Venezuela.
Ury has taught negotiation to tens of thousands of corporate executives, labor leaders, diplomats and military officers around the world. He helps organizations try to reach mutually profitable agreements with customers, suppliers, unions, and joint-venture partners.
William Ury | Speaker | TED.com