TEDGlobal 2013
Joseph Kim: The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained.
Filmed:
Readability: 2.8
2,657,148 views
A refugee now living in the US, Joseph Kim tells the story of his life in North Korea during the famine years. He's begun to create a new life -- but he still searches for the family he lost.
Joseph Kim - North Korean refugee
Joseph Kim escaped alone from North Korea at the age of 16, first to China and then to the United States. Full bio
Joseph Kim escaped alone from North Korea at the age of 16, first to China and then to the United States. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I was born and raised in North Korea.
0
965
3503
00:16
Although my family constantly struggled against poverty,
1
4468
4800
00:21
I was always loved and cared for first,
2
9268
3528
00:24
because I was the only son
3
12796
2151
00:26
and the youngest of two in the family.
4
14947
3170
00:30
But then the great famine began in 1994.
5
18117
3607
00:33
I was four years old.
6
21724
2459
00:36
My sister and I would go searching for firewood
7
24183
3797
00:39
starting at 5 in the morning
8
27980
1976
00:41
and come back after midnight.
9
29956
2806
00:44
I would wander the streets searching for food,
10
32762
3888
00:48
and I remember seeing a small child
11
36650
2173
00:50
tied to a mother's back eating chips,
12
38823
2822
00:53
and wanting to steal them from him.
13
41645
3224
00:56
Hunger is humiliation. Hunger is hopelessness.
14
44869
4833
01:01
For a hungry child, politics and freedom
15
49702
3203
01:04
are not even thought of.
16
52905
2752
01:07
On my ninth birthday, my parents
17
55657
2688
01:10
couldn't give me any food to eat.
18
58345
3429
01:13
But even as a child, I could feel the heaviness
19
61774
3944
01:17
in their hearts.
20
65718
3035
01:20
Over a million North Koreans died of starvation in that time,
21
68753
5200
01:25
and in 2003, when I was 13 years old,
22
73968
3696
01:29
my father became one of them.
23
77664
2913
01:32
I saw my father wither away and die.
24
80577
3888
01:36
In the same year, my mother disappeared one day,
25
84465
4132
01:40
and then my sister told me
26
88597
1805
01:42
that she was going to China to earn money,
27
90402
2601
01:45
but that she would return with money and food soon.
28
93003
4195
01:49
Since we had never been separated,
29
97198
2951
01:52
and I thought we would be together forever,
30
100149
2970
01:55
I didn't even give her a hug when she left.
31
103119
3873
01:58
It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.
32
106992
4213
02:03
But again, I didn't know
33
111205
1711
02:04
it was going to be a long goodbye.
34
112916
3488
02:08
I have not seen my mom or my sister since then.
35
116404
4937
02:13
Suddenly, I became an orphan and homeless.
36
121341
4219
02:17
My daily life became very hard,
37
125560
3089
02:20
but very simple.
38
128649
2052
02:22
My goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash.
39
130701
4023
02:26
But that is no way to survive.
40
134724
2907
02:29
I started to realize, begging would not be the solution.
41
137631
4718
02:34
So I started to steal from food carts in illegal markets.
42
142349
5326
02:39
Sometimes, I found small jobs
43
147675
2965
02:42
in exchange for food.
44
150640
2330
02:44
Once, I even spent two months in the winter
45
152970
3146
02:48
working in a coal mine,
46
156116
1743
02:49
33 meters underground without any protection
47
157859
5775
02:55
for up to 16 hours a day.
48
163634
3433
02:59
I was not uncommon.
49
167067
2364
03:01
Many other orphans survived this way, or worse.
50
169431
7561
03:08
When I could not fall asleep from bitter cold
51
176992
4136
03:13
or hunger pains,
52
181128
1467
03:14
I hoped that, the next morning,
53
182595
2848
03:17
my sister would come back to wake me up
54
185443
2563
03:20
with my favorite food.
55
188006
2270
03:22
That hope kept me alive.
56
190276
3150
03:25
I don't mean big, grand hope.
57
193426
2798
03:28
I mean the kind of hope that made me believe
58
196224
3122
03:31
that the next trash can had bread,
59
199346
2463
03:33
even though it usually didn't.
60
201809
3133
03:36
But if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't even try,
61
204942
3443
03:40
and then I would die.
62
208385
2093
03:42
Hope kept me alive.
63
210478
3938
03:46
Every day, I told myself,
64
214416
2760
03:49
no matter how hard things got,
65
217176
2728
03:51
still I must live.
66
219904
3902
03:55
After three years of waiting for my sister's return,
67
223806
4130
03:59
I decided to go to China to look for her myself.
68
227936
4352
04:04
I realized
69
232288
2860
04:07
I couldn't survive much longer this way.
70
235148
3650
04:10
I knew the journey would be risky,
71
238798
2805
04:13
but I would be risking my life either way.
72
241603
2897
04:16
I could die of starvation like my father in North Korea,
73
244500
4186
04:20
or at least I could try for a better life
74
248686
3458
04:24
by escaping to China.
75
252144
3236
04:27
I had learned that many people tried to cross
76
255380
3230
04:30
the border to China in the nighttime to avoid being seen.
77
258610
4787
04:35
North Korean border guards often shoot and kill people
78
263397
3958
04:39
trying to cross the border without permission.
79
267355
3373
04:42
Chinese soldiers will catch
80
270728
2651
04:45
and send back North Koreans,
81
273379
1854
04:47
where they face severe punishment.
82
275233
4340
04:51
I decided to cross during the day,
83
279573
3081
04:54
first because I was still a kid and scared of the dark,
84
282654
5433
05:00
second because I knew I was already taking a risk,
85
288087
4649
05:04
and since not many people tried to cross during the day,
86
292736
3415
05:08
I thought I might be able to cross
87
296151
1690
05:09
without being seen by anyone.
88
297841
3425
05:13
I made it to China on February 15, 2006.
89
301266
3908
05:17
I was 16 years old.
90
305174
2228
05:19
I thought things in China would be easier,
91
307402
2920
05:22
since there was more food.
92
310322
3273
05:25
I thought more people would help me.
93
313595
3056
05:28
But it was harder than living in North Korea,
94
316651
4013
05:32
because I was not free.
95
320664
1695
05:34
I was always worried about being caught
96
322359
2745
05:37
and sent back.
97
325104
2795
05:39
By a miracle, some months later,
98
327899
3271
05:43
I met someone who was running
99
331170
1443
05:44
an underground shelter for North Koreans,
100
332613
3342
05:47
and was allowed to live there
101
335955
2608
05:50
and eat regular meals for the first time in many years.
102
338563
5352
05:55
Later that year, an activist helped me escape China
103
343915
4481
06:00
and go to the United States as a refugee.
104
348396
4221
06:04
I went to America without knowing a word of English,
105
352617
3300
06:07
yet my social worker told me that I had to go to high school.
106
355917
4379
06:12
Even in North Korea, I was an F student.
107
360296
4199
06:16
(Laughter)
108
364495
1384
06:17
And I barely finished elementary school.
109
365879
3707
06:21
And I remember I fought in school more than once a day.
110
369586
3304
06:24
Textbooks and the library were not my playground.
111
372890
3938
06:28
My father tried very hard to motivate me into studying,
112
376828
3745
06:32
but it didn't work.
113
380573
2551
06:35
At one point, my father gave up on me.
114
383124
3143
06:38
He said, "You're not my son anymore."
115
386267
3969
06:42
I was only 11 or 12, but it hurt me deeply.
116
390236
4752
06:46
But nevertheless, my level of motivation
117
394988
2661
06:49
still didn't change before he died.
118
397649
4707
06:54
So in America, it was kind of ridiculous
119
402356
2805
06:57
that they said I should go to high school.
120
405161
3027
07:00
I didn't even go to middle school.
121
408188
2424
07:02
I decided to go, just because they told me to,
122
410612
3384
07:05
without trying much.
123
413996
2408
07:08
But one day, I came home and my foster mother
124
416404
3413
07:11
had made chicken wings for dinner.
125
419817
3209
07:15
And during dinner, I wanted to have one more wing,
126
423026
3254
07:18
but I realized there were not enough for everyone,
127
426280
3196
07:21
so I decided against it.
128
429476
3497
07:24
When I looked down at my plate,
129
432973
2325
07:27
I saw the last chicken wing, that my foster father had given me his.
130
435298
5136
07:32
I was so happy.
131
440434
2318
07:34
I looked at him sitting next to me.
132
442752
2263
07:37
He just looked back at me very warmly,
133
445015
3316
07:40
but said no words.
134
448331
2672
07:43
Suddenly I remembered my biological father.
135
451003
4844
07:47
My foster father's small act of love
136
455847
2973
07:50
reminded me of my father,
137
458820
2221
07:53
who would love to share his food with me
138
461041
3000
07:56
when he was hungry, even if he was starving.
139
464041
4637
08:00
I felt so suffocated that I had so much food in America,
140
468678
4332
08:05
yet my father died of starvation.
141
473010
3467
08:08
My only wish that night was to cook a meal for him,
142
476477
4203
08:12
and that night I also thought of what else I could do
143
480680
3491
08:16
to honor him.
144
484171
2216
08:18
And my answer was to promise to myself
145
486387
2734
08:21
that I would study hard and get the best education
146
489121
3430
08:24
in America to honor his sacrifice.
147
492551
3564
08:28
I took school seriously,
148
496115
2536
08:30
and for the first time ever in my life,
149
498651
2800
08:33
I received an academic award for excellence,
150
501451
3897
08:37
and made dean's list from the first semester in high school.
151
505348
5614
08:42
(Applause)
152
510962
7632
08:50
That chicken wing changed my life.
153
518594
2730
08:53
(Laughter)
154
521324
4057
08:57
Hope is personal. Hope is something
155
525381
3592
09:00
that no one can give to you.
156
528973
2509
09:03
You have to choose to believe in hope.
157
531482
2920
09:06
You have to make it yourself.
158
534402
3167
09:09
In North Korea, I made it myself.
159
537569
3240
09:12
Hope brought me to America.
160
540809
2713
09:15
But in America, I didn't know what to do,
161
543522
3000
09:18
because I had this overwhelming freedom.
162
546522
5032
09:23
My foster father at that dinner gave me a direction,
163
551554
4051
09:27
and he motivated me and gave me a purpose
164
555605
3526
09:31
to live in America.
165
559131
3927
09:35
I did not come here by myself.
166
563058
3120
09:38
I had hope, but hope by itself is not enough.
167
566178
4954
09:43
Many people helped me along the way to get here.
168
571132
4154
09:47
North Koreans are fighting hard to survive.
169
575286
3988
09:51
They have to force themselves to survive,
170
579274
2789
09:54
have hope to survive,
171
582063
2755
09:56
but they cannot make it without help.
172
584818
4761
10:01
This is my message to you.
173
589579
2346
10:03
Have hope for yourself,
174
591925
2709
10:06
but also help each other.
175
594634
3112
10:09
Life can be hard for everyone, wherever you live.
176
597746
6582
10:16
My foster father didn't intend to change my life.
177
604328
3786
10:20
In the same way, you may also change someone's life
178
608114
4372
10:24
with even the smallest act of love.
179
612486
4520
10:29
A piece of bread can satisfy your hunger,
180
617006
5118
10:34
and having the hope will bring you bread
181
622124
3101
10:37
to keep you alive.
182
625225
2285
10:39
But I confidently believe that
183
627510
3217
10:42
your act of love and caring
184
630727
3458
10:46
can also save another Joseph's life
185
634185
3404
10:49
and change thousands of other Josephs
186
637589
5442
10:55
who are still having hope to survive.
187
643031
4002
10:59
Thank you.
188
647033
1307
11:00
(Applause)
189
648340
9098
11:36
Adrian Hong: Joseph, thank you for sharing
190
684561
2825
11:39
that very personal and special story with us.
191
687386
3182
11:42
I know you haven't seen your sister for, you said,
192
690568
3225
11:45
it was almost exactly a decade,
193
693793
2460
11:48
and in the off chance that she may be able to see this,
194
696253
2417
11:50
we wanted to give you an opportunity
195
698670
1827
11:52
to send her a message.
196
700497
2228
11:54
Joseph Kim: In Korean?
197
702725
1136
11:55
AH: You can do English, then Korean as well.
198
703861
2608
11:58
(Laughter)
199
706469
3908
12:02
JK: Okay, I'm not going to make it any longer in Korean
200
710377
2341
12:04
because I don't think I can make it
201
712718
2741
12:07
without tearing up.
202
715459
3656
12:11
Nuna, it has been already 10 years
203
719115
4721
12:15
that I haven’t seen you.
204
723836
6521
12:22
I just wanted to say
205
730357
3392
12:25
that I miss you, and I love you,
206
733749
4184
12:29
and please come back to me and stay alive.
207
737933
4343
12:34
And I -- oh, gosh.
208
742276
4886
12:39
I still haven't given up my hope to see you.
209
747162
4320
12:45
I will live my life happily
210
753591
4662
12:50
and study hard
211
758253
3319
12:53
until I see you,
212
761572
2077
12:55
and I promise I will not cry again.
213
763649
4579
13:00
(Laughter)
214
768228
1557
13:01
Yes, I'm just looking forward to seeing you,
215
769785
2588
13:04
and if you can't find me,
216
772373
2271
13:06
I will also look for you,
217
774644
3072
13:09
and I hope to see you one day.
218
777716
2736
13:12
And can I also make a small message to my mom?
219
780452
3336
13:15
AH: Sure, please.
220
783788
1651
13:17
JK: I haven't spent much time with you,
221
785439
2789
13:20
but I know that you still love me,
222
788228
1912
13:22
and you probably still pray for me
223
790140
2944
13:25
and think about me.
224
793084
3120
13:28
I just wanted to say thank you
225
796204
2152
13:30
for letting me be in this world.
226
798356
3534
13:33
Thank you.
227
801890
1469
13:35
(Applause)
228
803359
5324
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Joseph Kim - North Korean refugeeJoseph Kim escaped alone from North Korea at the age of 16, first to China and then to the United States.
Why you should listen
Joseph Kim is from the northern region of North Korea. Growing up during the great famine of the 1990s, at the age of 12 Joseph saw his father starve to death, his mother disappear and his sister flee to China to search for food. In 2006, when he was 16, he decided to make the dangerous escape alone out of North Korea to look for food -- and for his sister. While hiding in China, he met a Korean-Chinese grandmother who protected and fed him until he found help from Liberty in North Korea (LiNK), a NGO that provided more stabilized shelter and later helped him to escape to the United States.
Joseph arrived in the U.S. in 2007 as a refugee. He is now in college studying international business. He is still searching for his sister.
Joseph Kim | Speaker | TED.com