TEDSalon NY2013
Amy Webb: How I hacked online dating
Amy Webb: Cum am tocat sistemul online dating
Filmed:
Readability: 3.7
7,847,043 views
Amy Webb nu a avut noroc cu întâlnirile online. Cei cărora le scria, nu îi răspundeau, iar profilul ei nu atragea ceea ce îşi dorea (chiar mai rău). Aşa că, fiind pasionată de date a început să facă un tabel. Acultaţi cum a intrat în sistemul online dating -- cu frustrare, umor şi cu rezultate spectaculoase în viaţa ei.
Amy Webb - Founder and CEO, Future Today Institute
Amy Webb is a futurist and founder of the Future Today Institute, and is the award-winning author of three books, including “Data: A Love Story” and “The Signals Are Talking: Why Today’s Fringe Is Tomorrow’s Mainstream.” Full bio
Amy Webb is a futurist and founder of the Future Today Institute, and is the award-winning author of three books, including “Data: A Love Story” and “The Signals Are Talking: Why Today’s Fringe Is Tomorrow’s Mainstream.” Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So my name is Amy Webb,
0
353
2752
Numele meu este Amy Webb,
00:15
and a few years ago I found myself at the end
1
3105
2697
iar acum câțiva ani m-am trezit la sfârșitul
00:17
of yet another fantastic relationship
2
5802
2636
unei alte relații minunate
00:20
that came burning down in a spectacular fashion.
3
8438
3548
care s-a terminat spectaculos.
00:23
And I thought, you know, what's wrong with me?
4
11986
2816
Și m-am gândit, ce e în neregulă cu mine?
00:26
I don't understand why this keeps happening.
5
14802
2023
De ce lucrurile astea continuă să se întâmple.
00:28
So I asked everybody in my life
6
16825
2003
Așa că am întrebat toate persoanelor din viața mea
00:30
what they thought.
7
18828
1476
ce cred despre asta.
00:32
I turned to my grandmother,
8
20304
1528
Am apelat la bunica mea,
00:33
who always had plenty of advice,
9
21832
2551
care a avut întotdeauna o mulțime de sfaturi,
00:36
and she said, "Stop being so picky.
10
24383
2992
şi care mi-a spus: „Nu mai fii atât de pretenţioasă.
00:39
You've got to date around.
11
27375
1378
Trebuie să continui să mergi la întalniri.
00:40
And most importantly,
12
28753
1378
Şi cel mai important,
00:42
true love will find you when you least expect it."
13
30131
4205
dragostea adevărată te va găsi atunci
când te aștepți mai puțin.”
când te aștepți mai puțin.”
00:46
Now as it turns out,
14
34336
1719
Ei bine,
00:48
I'm somebody who thinks a lot about data,
15
36055
2557
pe mine mă preocupă datele,
00:50
as you'll soon find.
16
38612
1817
după cum veți vedea.
00:52
I am constantly swimming in numbers
17
40429
2584
Sunt tot timpul scunfundată în numere,
00:55
and formulas and charts.
18
43013
1880
formule şi diagrame.
00:56
I also have a very tight-knit family,
19
44893
2608
De asemenea, am o familie strâns unită,
00:59
and I'm very, very close with my sister,
20
47501
1897
şi sunt foarte apropiată de sora mea.
01:01
and as a result, I wanted to have
21
49398
1596
Ca rezultat, am vrut să am
01:02
the same type of family when I grew up.
22
50994
1955
acelaşi tip de familie atunci când mă voi maturiza.
01:04
So I'm at the end of this bad breakup,
23
52949
1729
Sunt, deci, la sfârşitul acestei despărțiri dureroase.
01:06
I'm 30 years old,
24
54678
1434
Am 30 de ani,
01:08
I figure I'm probably going to have
25
56112
1631
M-am gândit, probabil, va trebui să
01:09
to date somebody for about six months
26
57743
1829
mă văd cu cineva în jur de șase luni
01:11
before I'm ready to get monogamous
27
59572
1853
înainte să fiu gata de a deveni monogamă
01:13
and before we can sort of cohabitate,
28
61425
2059
şi înainte să locuim împreună,
01:15
and we have to have that happen for a while before we can get engaged.
29
63484
2785
ceva timp înainte de a ne logodi.
01:18
And if I want to start having children by the time I'm 35,
30
66269
3157
Şi dacă vreau să am copii pănă la 35 de ani,
01:21
that meant that I would have had to have been
31
69426
2160
ar fi trebuit să fiu deja
01:23
on my way to marriage five years ago.
32
71586
2585
într-o relaţie acum cinci ani.
01:26
So that wasn't going to work.
33
74171
1382
Ceea ce nu era cazul.
01:27
If my strategy was to least-expect my way
34
75553
2808
Dacă strategia mea era de a aştepta
01:30
into true love, then the variable that I had
35
78361
2242
dragostea adevărată, atunci variabila cu care aveam
01:32
to deal with was serendipity.
36
80603
2366
de-a face era o întâmplare fericită.
01:34
In short, I was trying to figure out, well,
37
82969
1531
Pe scurt, încercam să îmi dau seama
01:36
what's the probability of my finding Mr. Right?
38
84500
3750
cum aş putea găsi partenerul perfect?
01:40
Well, at the time I was living in the city of Philadelphia,
39
88250
2327
Pe atunci locuiam în Philadelphia,
01:42
and it's a big city, and I figured,
40
90577
2668
un oraş mare, şi m-am gândit,
01:45
in this entire place, there are lots of possibilities.
41
93245
3032
că acolo, există o mulţime de posibilităţi.
01:48
So again, I started doing some math.
42
96277
2383
Şi iar am început să fac calcule.
01:50
Population of Philadelphia: It has 1.5 million people.
43
98660
3734
Populaţia Philadelphiei: 1,5 milioane de locuitori.
01:54
I figure about half of that are men,
44
102394
1311
M-am gândit că aproximativ jumătate sunt bărbaţi,
01:55
so that takes the number down to 750,000.
45
103705
3022
adică, 750.000.
01:58
I'm looking for a guy between the ages of 30 and 36,
46
106727
3209
Caut un tip cu vârsta între 30 şi 36 de ani,
02:01
which was only four percent of the population,
47
109936
2555
adică doar 4% din populaţie,
02:04
so now I'm dealing with the possibility of 30,000 men.
48
112491
2543
înseamnând, 30.000 de oameni.
02:07
I was looking for somebody who was Jewish,
49
115034
1945
Cautam o persoană de religie ebraică,
02:08
because that's what I am and that was important to me.
50
116979
2146
pentru că asta sunt şi asta vreau.
02:11
That's only 2.3 percent of the population.
51
119125
2414
Adică, doar 2,3% din populaţie.
02:13
I figure I'm attracted to maybe one out of 10
52
121539
2367
Poate sunt atrasă de unul din zece
02:15
of those men,
53
123906
2147
din acest grup de bărbaţi
02:18
and there was no way I was going
54
126053
2134
fără a lua în calcul
02:20
to deal with somebody who was an avid golfer.
55
128187
2703
o persoană pasionată de golf.
02:22
So that basically meant there were 35 men for me
56
130890
3060
Asta însemna practic 35 de bărbaţi pentru mine
02:25
that I could possibly date
57
133950
2228
cu care m-aş fi putut întâlni
02:28
in the entire city of Philadelphia.
58
136178
4235
în oraşul Philadelphia.
02:32
In the meantime, my very large Jewish family
59
140413
3297
Între timp, în numeroasa mea familie
02:35
was already all married and well on their way
60
143710
2653
toți erau deja căsătoriţi şi la casele lor
02:38
to having lots and lots of children,
61
146363
1911
aveau o mulţime de copii,
02:40
and I felt like I was under tremendous peer pressure
62
148274
2031
şi am simţit o presiune extraordinară
02:42
to get my life going already.
63
150305
2260
de a mă aşeza la casa mea.
02:44
So if I have two possible strategies at this point
64
152565
2067
Şi aveam două strategii
02:46
I'm sort of figuring out.
65
154632
1258
am în acest moment.
02:47
One, I can take my grandmother's advice
66
155890
2638
Una, pot urma sfatul bunicii
02:50
and sort of least-expect my way
67
158528
2256
şi să mă aştept
02:52
into maybe bumping into the one
68
160784
2326
să întâlnesc pe cineva
02:55
out of 35 possible men in the entire
69
163110
2313
unul din cei 35 de bărbaţi din cei
02:57
1.5 million-person city of Philadelphia,
70
165423
3773
1,5 milioane de locuitori ai Philadelphiei,
03:01
or I could try online dating.
71
169196
2960
sau aş putea încerca întâlnirile online.
03:04
Now, I like the idea of online dating,
72
172156
2210
Îmi place ideea de online dating,
03:06
because it's predicated on an algorithm,
73
174366
2001
deoarece este bazată pe un algoritm,
03:08
and that's really just a simple way of saying
74
176367
1911
adică mai simplu spus:
03:10
I've got a problem, I'm going to use some data,
75
178278
2202
am o problemă, folosesc nişte date
03:12
run it through a system
76
180480
1387
o rulez într-un sistem
03:13
and get to a solution.
77
181867
2345
şi obţin o soluţie.
03:16
So online dating is the second most popular way
78
184212
2397
Întâlnirile online sunt a doua variantă populară
03:18
that people now meet each other,
79
186609
1658
ca oamenii să se întâlnească,
03:20
but as it turns out, algorithms have been around
80
188267
2040
dar se pare că, aceşti algoritmi există
03:22
for thousands of years in almost every culture.
81
190307
3555
de mii de ani în aproape fiecare cultură.
03:25
In fact, in Judaism, there were matchmakers
82
193862
2474
În iudaism, de exemplu, au existat peţitorii
03:28
a long time ago, and though
83
196336
1376
cu mult timp în urmă, şi deşi
03:29
they didn't have an explicit algorithm per se,
84
197712
2358
nu aveau un algoritm anume,
03:32
they definitely were running through formulas in their heads,
85
200070
2341
ei făceau nişte calcule în mintea lor:
03:34
like, is the girl going to like the boy?
86
202411
2264
îl va plăcea fata pe băiat?
03:36
Are the families going to get along?
87
204675
1715
Se vor înţelege oare familiile?
03:38
What's the rabbi going to say?
88
206390
1532
Ce va spune rabinul?
03:39
Are they going to start having children right away?
89
207922
2168
Oare vor avea copii imediat?
03:42
And the matchmaker would sort of think through all of this,
90
210090
2932
Peţitorul făcea aceste calcule,
03:45
put two people together, and that would be the end of it.
91
213022
2436
oamenii se cunoaşteau și gata.
03:47
So in my case, I thought,
92
215458
2225
În cazul meu, m-am gândit,
03:49
well, will data and an algorithm
93
217683
2705
oare datele şi algoritmul
03:52
lead me to my Prince Charming?
94
220388
2175
mă vor conduce la prinţul meu?
03:54
So I decided to sign on.
95
222563
1456
Aşa că am decis să mă înscriu
03:56
Now, there was one small catch.
96
224019
1700
Aici a fost o mică problemă.
03:57
As I'm signing on to the various dating websites,
97
225719
2781
Când mă înscriam pe aceste site-uri,
04:00
as it happens, I was really, really busy.
98
228500
2295
eram extrem de ocupatălș
04:02
But that actually wasn't the biggest problem.
99
230795
2738
Dar nu asta era cea mai mare problemă.
04:05
The biggest problem is that I hate
100
233533
1622
Ci faptul că nu îmi place
04:07
filling out questionnaires of any kind,
101
235155
2248
să completez chestionare,
04:09
and I certainly don't like questionnaires
102
237403
2474
iar pe cele
04:11
that are like Cosmo quizzes.
103
239877
2024
similare cu Cosmo nici atât.
04:13
So I just copied and pasted from my résumé.
104
241901
2577
Aşa că am făcut copy-paste din CV.
04:16
(Laughter)
105
244478
5060
(Râsete)
04:21
So in the descriptive part up top,
106
249538
3045
Iar în partea de descriere de sus,
04:24
I said that I was an award-winning journalist
107
252583
2326
am spus că sunt un jurnalist de succes
04:26
and a future thinker.
108
254909
1698
şi un gânditor despre viitor.
04:28
When I was asked about fun activities and
109
256607
1978
La rubrica activităţi distractive şi
04:30
my ideal date, I said monetization
110
258585
3099
întâlnirea ideală, am scris monetizare
04:33
and fluency in Japanese.
111
261684
2427
şi fluenţă în limba japoneză.
04:36
I talked a lot about JavaScript.
112
264111
2536
Am vorbit mult despre JavaScript.
04:38
So obviously this was not the best way
113
266647
3609
Iar acest lucru n-a fost cel mai bun mod
04:42
to put my most sexy foot forward.
114
270256
3409
de a-mi afirma latura feminină.
04:45
But the real failure was that
115
273665
2283
Problema era însă că,
04:47
there were plenty of men for me to date.
116
275948
2303
aveam de ales între mulţi bărbaţi.
04:50
These algorithms had a sea full of men
117
278251
2461
În aceşti algoritmi erau o mulţime de bărbaţi
04:52
that wanted to take me out on lots of dates --
118
280712
2706
care voiau să mă întâlnească --
04:55
what turned out to be truly awful dates.
119
283418
3838
ceea ce a fost într-adevăr groaznic.
04:59
There was this guy Steve, the I.T. guy.
120
287256
2674
A fost Steve, un IT-ist.
05:01
The algorithm matched us up
121
289930
1531
Ca informaţii, ne potriveam
05:03
because we share a love of gadgets,
122
291461
1606
deoarece aveam în comun: gadget-urile,
05:05
we share a love of math and data and '80s music,
123
293067
4154
matematica, datele şi muzica anilor ' 80,
05:09
and so I agreed to go out with him.
124
297221
2139
aşa că, am fost de acord să ies cu el.
05:11
So Steve the I.T. guy invited me out
125
299360
2513
Deci Steve, m-a invitat la întâlnire
05:13
to one of Philadelphia's white-table-cloth,
126
301873
1873
la un restaurant din Philadelphia,
05:15
extremely expensive restaurants.
127
303746
1906
unul extrem de scump.
05:17
And we went in, and right off the bat,
128
305652
2063
Ne-am întâlnit,
05:19
our conversation really wasn't taking flight,
129
307715
3260
însă conversaţia noastră nu înainta,
05:22
but he was ordering a lot of food.
130
310975
1829
dar comanda multă mâncare.
05:24
In fact, he didn't even bother looking at the menu.
131
312804
1990
De fapt, nici nu se deranja să se uite pe meniu.
05:26
He was ordering multiple appetizers,
132
314794
1620
Comanda multe aperitive,
05:28
multiple entrées, for me as well,
133
316414
2742
gustări, şi pentru mine,
05:31
and suddenly there are piles and piles of food on our table,
134
319156
2529
şi iată o mulţime de mâncare pe masă
05:33
also lots and lots of bottles of wine.
135
321685
2431
şi multe sticle de vin.
05:36
So we're nearing the end of our conversation
136
324116
2181
Ne apropiam de finalul conversaţiei
05:38
and the end of dinner, and I've decided
137
326297
1379
şi al mesei și eu am decis
05:39
Steve the I.T. guy and I are really just not meant for each other,
138
327676
2836
că nu ne potrivim,
05:42
but we'll part ways as friends,
139
330512
2293
poate doar ca prieteni.
05:44
when he gets up to go to the bathroom,
140
332805
2385
cănd el se duce la baie,
05:47
and in the meantime the bill comes to our table.
141
335190
3663
şi primim şi nota de plată.
05:50
And listen, I'm a modern woman.
142
338853
2735
Iar eu, sunt o femeie modernă.
05:53
I am totally down with splitting the bill.
143
341588
2830
Vreau sa împărţim nota.
05:56
But then Steve the I.T. guy didn't come back. (Gasping)
144
344418
3832
Dar Steve, nu mai vine.
06:00
And that was my entire month's rent.
145
348250
4728
A fost chiria mea pe o lună.
06:04
So needless to say, I was not having a good night.
146
352978
3273
Inutil să vă spun ce noapte am avut.
06:08
So I run home, I call my mother, I call my sister,
147
356251
3701
Ajunsă acasă, le sun pe mama şi pe sora mea
06:11
and as I do, at the end of each one of these
148
359952
2377
şi ca de obicei după acest gen de întâlniri
06:14
terrible, terrible dates,
149
362329
1821
groaznice,
06:16
I regale them with the details.
150
364150
2121
Le povestesc detaliile.
06:18
And they say to me,
151
366271
2234
Şi ele îmi spun,
06:20
"Stop complaining."
152
368505
1618
„Nu te mai plânge."
06:22
(Laughter)
153
370123
1670
(Râsete)
06:23
"You're just being too picky."
154
371793
2519
„Eşti prea pretenţioasă."
06:26
So I said, fine, from here on out
155
374312
1810
Aşa că, am decis că de acum încolo
06:28
I'm only going on dates where I know
156
376122
1638
merg doar la întâlniri unde ştiu
06:29
that there's wi-fi, and I'm bringing my laptop.
157
377760
2171
că există acces wi-fi şi îmi aduc laptop-ul.
06:31
I'm going to shove it into my bag,
158
379931
1684
O să-l pun în geantă,
06:33
and I'm going to have this email template,
159
381615
1841
o să am un model de mail,
06:35
and I'm going to fill it out and collect information
160
383456
2319
şi o să strâng informaţii
06:37
on all these different data points during the date
161
385775
2671
la aceste întâlniri
06:40
to prove to everybody that empirically,
162
388446
1588
ca să dovedesc
06:42
these dates really are terrible. (Laughter)
163
390034
2573
ca întâlnirile sunt groaznice. (Râsete)
06:44
So I started tracking things like
164
392607
1795
Aşa că am început să adun lucruri ca
06:46
really stupid, awkward, sexual remarks;
165
394402
2968
remarci stupide, ciudate, sexuale;
06:49
bad vocabulary;
166
397370
2103
vocabular greşit;
06:51
the number of times a man forced me to high-five him.
167
399473
3215
gesturi ciudate.
06:54
(Laughter)
168
402688
1871
(Râsete)
06:56
So I started to crunch some numbers,
169
404559
4212
Aşa că am început să analizez câteva numere,
07:00
and that allowed me to make some correlations.
170
408771
2996
şi asta mi-a permis să fac nişte corelaţii.
07:03
So as it turns out,
171
411767
2624
Şi rezultă că,
07:06
for some reason, men who drink Scotch
172
414391
2909
din anumite cauze, barbaţii care beau Scotch
07:09
reference kinky sex immediately.
173
417300
2403
preferă imediat sexul ciudat.
07:11
(Laughter)
174
419703
2136
(Râsete)
07:13
Well, it turns out that these
175
421839
2442
Poate
07:16
probably weren't bad guys.
176
424281
1609
nu erau băieţi răi.
07:17
There were just bad for me.
177
425890
1910
Dar pentru mine au fost.
07:19
And as it happens, the algorithms that were setting us up,
178
427800
3340
Nici algoritmii
07:23
they weren't bad either.
179
431140
1429
nu erau răi.
07:24
These algorithms were doing exactly
180
432569
1940
Acești algoritmi făceau exact
07:26
what they were designed to do,
181
434509
1485
ce trebuiau să facă,
07:27
which was to take our user-generated information,
182
435994
2794
adică să folosească informaţia generată
07:30
in my case, my résumé,
183
438788
1504
în cazul meu, CV-ul,
07:32
and match it up with other people's information.
184
440292
3027
şi să îl potrivească cu alte informaţii.
07:35
See, the real problem here is that,
185
443319
1633
Problema este că,
07:36
while the algorithms work just fine,
186
444952
1925
deşi algoritmul îşi face treaba,
07:38
you and I don't, when confronted
187
446877
1953
tu şi eu ne confruntăm
07:40
with blank windows where we're supposed
188
448830
2136
cu ferestre goale unde trebuie
07:42
to input our information online.
189
450966
1660
să introducem informaţiile noastre online.
07:44
Very few of us have the ability
190
452626
1744
Puţini dintre noi avem capacitatea
07:46
to be totally and brutally honest with ourselves.
191
454370
3676
de a fi total şi cu brutalitate sinceri cu noi înșine.
07:50
The other problem is that these websites are asking us
192
458046
2181
Altă problemă ar fi că, aceste site-uri ne pun
07:52
questions like, are you a dog person or a cat person?
193
460227
3553
întrebări de genul, îţi plac câinii sau pisicile?
07:55
Do you like horror films or romance films?
194
463780
2520
Îţi plac filmele horror sau de dragoste?
07:58
I'm not looking for a pen pal.
195
466300
1910
Nu caut un prieten.
08:00
I'm looking for a husband. Right?
196
468210
2235
Caut un soţ. Corect?
08:02
So there's a certain amount of superficiality in that data.
197
470445
3139
Există o anumită superficialitate în date.
08:05
So I said fine, I've got a new plan.
198
473584
2570
Am zis, bine, am alt plan.
08:08
I'm going to keep using these online dating sites,
199
476154
1998
Păstrez aceste situri de dating online,
08:10
but I'm going to treat them as databases,
200
478152
2711
dar le voi considera baze de date,
08:12
and rather than waiting for an algorithm to set me up,
201
480863
2750
şi în loc să aştept alegerile algoritmului,
08:15
I think I'm going to try reverse-engineering this entire system.
202
483613
3667
o să reversez întregul sistem.
08:19
So knowing that there was superficial data
203
487280
3145
Ştiind că există date superficiale
08:22
that was being used to match me up with other people,
204
490425
2352
folosite pentru a mă potrivi cu alţi oameni,
08:24
I decided instead to ask my own questions.
205
492777
2438
am decis să pun propriile întrebări.
08:27
What was every single possible thing
206
495215
1638
La ce mă puteam gândi
08:28
that I could think of that I was looking for in a mate?
207
496853
2903
când căutam o pereche?
08:31
So I started writing and writing and writing,
208
499756
4534
Aşa că am început să scriu,
08:36
and at the end, I had amassed
209
504290
2302
şi la final, am acumulat
08:38
72 different data points.
210
506592
2581
72 de date diferite.
08:41
I wanted somebody was Jew...ish,
211
509173
2406
Am vrut pe cineva evreu... ish,
08:43
so I was looking for somebody who had the same
212
511579
1697
şi am căutat pe cineva cu aceeaşi
08:45
background and thoughts on our culture,
213
513276
2561
educaţie şi gândire faţă de cultura noastră,
08:47
but wasn't going to force me to go to shul
214
515837
1573
dat nu pentru a mă forţa să merg la sinagogă
08:49
every Friday and Saturday.
215
517410
2333
în fiecare vineri şi sâmbătă.
08:51
I wanted somebody who worked hard,
216
519743
1590
Am vrut pe cineva care a muncit din greu,
08:53
because work for me is extremely important,
217
521333
1884
pentru că munca este importantă pentru mine,
08:55
but not too hard.
218
523217
1618
însă nu exagerat.
08:56
For me, the hobbies that I have
219
524835
1680
Hobbyu-rile mele
08:58
are really just new work projects that I've launched.
220
526515
2836
sunt doar proiecte noi.
09:01
I also wanted somebody who not only wanted two children,
221
529351
3165
De asemenea pe cineva care nu doar să vrea 2 copii,
09:04
but was going to have the same attitude toward parenting that I do,
222
532516
2895
dar cu aceeaşi atitudine de părinte ca mine,
09:07
so somebody who was going to be totally okay
223
535411
1931
cineva care să vrea ca
09:09
with forcing our child to start taking piano lessons at age three,
224
537342
3535
copiii noştri să ia lecţii de pian la 3 ani,
09:12
and also maybe computer science classes
225
540877
3656
să meargă la cursuri de calculatoare
09:16
if we could wrangle it.
226
544533
1904
dacă ar fi cazul.
09:18
So things like that, but I also wanted somebody
227
546437
1732
Ceva de genul, în plus, cineva
09:20
who would go to far-flung, exotic places,
228
548169
2063
căruia să îi placă locurile îndepărtate, exotice,
09:22
like Petra, Jordan.
229
550232
1628
ca Petra, Iordania.
09:23
I also wanted somebody who would weigh
230
551860
1505
Cineva care să cântărească
09:25
20 pounds more than me at all times,
231
553365
1928
cu 10 kg mai mult ca mine
09:27
regardless of what I weighed.
232
555293
1370
indiferent cât aş avea eu.
09:28
(Laughter)
233
556663
2402
(Râsete)
09:31
So I now have these 72 different data points,
234
559065
3074
Deci, aveam aceste 72 de puncte de referinţă,
09:34
which, to be fair, is a lot.
235
562139
2046
care, sincer, înseamnă mult.
09:36
So what I did was, I went through
236
564185
1382
Aşa că, am început
09:37
and I prioritized that list.
237
565567
1822
să găsesc priorităţile din listă.
09:39
I broke it into a top tier and a second tier of points,
238
567389
3953
Am stabilit un segment principal şi unul secundar
09:43
and I ranked everything starting at 100
239
571342
3225
şi am cotat tot începând de la 100
09:46
and going all the way down to 91,
240
574567
1980
mergând în jos spre 91,
09:48
and listing things like I was looking for somebody who was really smart,
241
576547
3240
enumerând lucruri ca inteligenţa,
09:51
who would challenge and stimulate me,
242
579787
1712
care m-ar stimula intelectual
09:53
and balancing that with a second tier
243
581499
2256
şi găsind un echilibru cu nivelul 2
09:55
and a second set of points.
244
583755
2025
şi al doilea set de puncte.
09:57
These things were also important to me
245
585780
1405
Asta era important pentru mine
09:59
but not necessarily deal-breakers.
246
587185
4816
dar nu excesiv.
10:04
So once I had all this done,
247
592001
1421
După ce am terminat,
10:05
I then built a scoring system,
248
593422
1809
am construit al doilea sistem de notare,
10:07
because what I wanted to do
249
595231
2623
pentru că am vrut
10:09
was to sort of mathematically calculate
250
597854
1850
să calculez matematic
10:11
whether or not I thought the guy that I found online
251
599704
2506
dacă am şansa sau nu de a găsi online
10:14
would be a match with me.
252
602210
1447
persoana potrivită pentru mine.
10:15
I figured there would be a minimum of 700 points
253
603657
2443
M-am gândit la un minim de 700 de puncte
10:18
before I would agree to email somebody
254
606100
1546
înainte să trimit un mail cuiva
10:19
or respond to an email message.
255
607646
2166
sau să răspund la un mesaj.
10:21
For 900 points, I'd agree to go out on a date,
256
609812
2002
La 900 de puncte, mergeam la întâlnire,
10:23
and I wouldn't even consider any kind of relationship
257
611814
2681
şi nu mă gândeam la o relaţie
10:26
before somebody had crossed the 1,500 point threshold.
258
614495
4188
înainte ca cineva să treacă pragul de 1.500 de puncte.
10:30
Well, as it turns out, this worked pretty well.
259
618683
2872
S-a dovedit că lucrurile au funcţionat.
10:33
So I go back online now.
260
621555
1809
Aşa că mă întorc online.
10:35
I found Jewishdoc57
261
623364
2755
Îl găsesc pe Jewishdoc57
10:38
who's incredibly good-looking, incredibly well-spoken,
262
626119
2937
incredibil de arătos, vorbeşte frumos,
10:41
he had hiked Mt. Fuji,
263
629056
1718
a escaladat Mt. Fuji,
10:42
he had walked along the Great Wall.
264
630774
1742
a mers pe Marele Zid.
10:44
He likes to travel as long as it doesn't involve a cruise ship.
265
632516
3116
Îi place să călătorească, dar nu pe o navă de croazieră.
10:47
And I thought, I've done it!
266
635632
2738
Şi m-am gândit, am reuşit!
10:50
I've cracked the code.
267
638370
2064
Am spart codul.
10:52
I have just found the Jewish Prince Charming
268
640434
3770
Mi-am găsit alesul
10:56
of my family's dreams.
269
644204
2218
viselor mele.
10:58
There was only one problem:
270
646422
2156
Mai era doar o problemă:
11:00
He didn't like me back.
271
648578
3309
El nu mi-a răspuns.
11:03
And I guess the one variable that I haven't considered
272
651887
3086
Şi am crezut că nu am luat în calcul
11:06
is the competition.
273
654973
1893
concurenţa.
11:08
Who are all of the other women
274
656866
1488
Cine sunt celelalte femei
11:10
on these dating sites?
275
658354
2445
pe aceste site-uri?
11:12
I found SmileyGirl1978.
276
660799
3704
Am găsit-o pe SmileyGirl1978.
11:16
She said she was a "fun girl who is Happy and Outgoing."
277
664503
2829
Spunea că este „o fată veselă şi disponibilă."
11:19
She listed her job as teacher.
278
667332
1442
Spunea că este profesoară.
11:20
She said she is "silly, nice and friendly."
279
668774
2606
Spunea că este „aiurită, drăguţă şi prietenoasă."
11:23
She likes to make people laugh "alot."
280
671380
2449
Îi place să îi facă pe oameni să râdă „foarte mult."
11:25
At this moment I knew, clicking after profile
281
673829
2442
Am realizat atunci, văzând diverse profile
11:28
after profile after profile that looked like this,
282
676271
2051
care arătau similar,
11:30
that I needed to do some market research.
283
678322
2176
că trebuie să fac o cercetare de piaţă.
11:32
So I created 10 fake male profiles.
284
680498
3280
Aşa că, am creat 10 profiluri false masculine.
11:35
Now, before I lose all of you --
285
683778
2944
Acum, înainte să vă pird pe toți --
11:38
(Laughter) --
286
686722
1753
(Râsete)
11:40
understand that I did this
287
688475
3588
să ştiţi că am făcut asta
11:44
strictly to gather data
288
692063
2137
doar pentru a aduna date
11:46
about everybody else in the system.
289
694200
1748
despre toată lumea din sistem.
11:47
I didn't carry on crazy Catfish-style relationships with anybody.
290
695948
4195
Nu m-am gândit la relaţii ciudate.
11:52
I really was just scraping their data.
291
700143
2013
Doar am parcurs datele lor.
11:54
But I didn't want everybody's data.
292
702156
1968
Dar nu chiar ale oricui.
11:56
I only wanted data on the women
293
704124
1883
Doar ale acelor femei
11:58
who were going to be attracted
294
706007
1564
care ar fi fost atrase
11:59
to the type of man that I really, really wanted to marry. (Laughter)
295
707571
3234
de bărbatul pe care eu îl doream. (Râsete)
12:02
When I released these men into the wild,
296
710805
3595
Cănd am salvat profilul acestui bărbat,
12:06
I did follow some rules.
297
714400
1302
am urmat câteva reguli.
12:07
So I didn't reach out to any woman first.
298
715702
2140
Nu am răspuns oricărei femei.
12:09
I just waited to see who these profiles were going to attract,
299
717842
2921
Am vrut să văd pe cine atrage acest profil,
12:12
and mainly what I was looking at was two different data sets.
300
720763
3371
şi mă interesau mai ales două date.
12:16
So I was looking at qualitative data,
301
724134
1538
Cele calitative,
12:17
so what was the humor, the tone,
302
725672
1949
ca umorul, tonul,
12:19
the voice, the communication style
303
727621
1562
vocea, stilul de comunicare
12:21
that these women shared in common?
304
729183
1850
pe care aceste femei le au în comun?
12:23
And also quantitative data,
305
731033
1283
Şi datele cantitative,
12:24
so what was the average length of their profile,
306
732316
2338
care e mărimea medie a profilului lor,
12:26
how much time was spent between messages?
307
734654
2235
căt timp a trecut între mesaje?
12:28
What I was trying to get at here was
308
736889
1681
Vreau să vă spun că,
12:30
that I figured in person,
309
738570
1925
am încercat să îmi dau seama,
12:32
I would be just as competitive
310
740495
1410
dacă pot fi la fel de competitivă
12:33
as a SmileyGirl1978.
311
741905
2065
ca o SmileyGirl1978.
12:35
I wanted to figure out how to maximize
312
743970
1900
Am vrut să-mi dau seama cum să-mi maximizez
12:37
my own profile online.
313
745870
2940
profilul meu online.
12:40
Well, one month later,
314
748810
1727
Ei bine, o lună mai târziu,
12:42
I had a lot of data, and I was able to do another analysis.
315
750537
3753
culesesem o mulţime de date şi am facut o altă analiză.
12:46
And as it turns out, content matters a lot.
316
754290
2880
Şi aparent contează conţinutul.
12:49
So smart people tend to write a lot --
317
757170
2706
Oamenii inteligenţi tind să scrie mult--
12:51
3,000, 4,000,
318
759876
1875
3000, 4000,
12:53
5,000 words about themselves,
319
761751
1743
5.000 de cuvinte despre ei,
12:55
which may all be very, very interesting.
320
763494
2146
care pot fi foarte interesante.
12:57
The challenge here, though, is that
321
765640
1352
Ideea este că,
12:58
the popular men and women
322
766992
1182
bărbaţii şi femeile populare
13:00
are sticking to 97 words on average
323
768174
3772
scriu cam 97 de cuvinte în medie
13:03
that are written very, very well,
324
771946
1722
care sunt scrise foarte bine,
13:05
even though it may not seem like it all the time.
325
773668
2890
chiar dacă nu pare.
13:08
The other sort of hallmark of the people who do this well
326
776558
2149
Alţi oameni care fac asta foarte bine
13:10
is that they're using non-specific language.
327
778707
2153
sunt cei care nu folosesc un limbaj specific.
13:12
So in my case, you know,
328
780860
1290
În cazul meu,
13:14
"The English Patient" is my most favorite movie ever,
329
782150
3198
„Pacientul englez", filmul meu preferat,
13:17
but it doesn't work to use that in a profile,
330
785348
3809
nu contează într-un profil,
13:21
because that's a superficial data point,
331
789157
1741
pentru că nu este un punct de reper,
13:22
and somebody may disagree with me
332
790914
1542
şi unii poate nu sunt de acord
13:24
and decide they don't want to go out with me
333
792456
1215
şi decid să nu iasă cu mine
13:25
because they didn't like sitting through the three-hour movie.
334
793671
2699
pentru că nu le place să stea 3 ore la film.
13:28
Also, optimistic language matters a lot.
335
796370
2240
Limbajul optimist contează foarte mult de asemenea.
13:30
So this is a word cloud
336
798610
1436
Iată un nor de cuvinte
13:32
highlighting the most popular words that were used
337
800046
2460
cu cele mai populare cuvinte folosite
13:34
by the most popular women,
338
802506
1632
de cele mai populare femei,
13:36
words like "fun" and "girl" and "love."
339
804138
2575
"distracţie" şi "fată" şi "dragoste".
13:38
And what I realized was not that I had
340
806713
2111
Şi am realizat că nu trebuie
13:40
to dumb down my own profile.
341
808824
1568
să îmi modific profilul.
13:42
Remember, I'm somebody who said
342
810392
1532
Amintiţi-vă, eu sunt cineva care a spus:
13:43
that I speak fluent Japanese and I know JavaScript
343
811924
3043
că vorbesc fluent japoneza şi ştiu JavaScript
13:46
and I was okay with that.
344
814967
1594
şi mă simt bine aşa.
13:48
The difference is that it's about being more approachable
345
816561
2717
Ideea este că trebuie să fii mai abordabilă
13:51
and helping people understand
346
819278
2155
şi să îi ajuţi pe oameni să găsească
13:53
the best way to reach out to you.
347
821433
1612
cea mai bună cale de a ajunge la tine.
13:55
And as it turns out, timing is also really, really important.
348
823045
2922
Iar timpul este iar, foarte important.
13:57
Just because you have access
349
825967
1650
Doar pentru că aveţi acces
13:59
to somebody's mobile phone number
350
827617
1744
la numărul de telefon mobil al cuiva
14:01
or their instant message account
351
829361
1756
sau la messenger
14:03
and it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you happen to be awake,
352
831117
2407
şi este ora 2 dimineaţa şi sunteţi treaz,
14:05
doesn't mean that that's a good time to communicate with those people.
353
833524
3189
nu înseamnă că e un moment potrivit.
14:08
The popular women on these online sites
354
836713
2649
Femeile populare pe aceste site-uri online
14:11
spend an average of 23 hours
355
839362
1838
petrec în medie 23 ore
14:13
in between each communication.
356
841200
2376
între fiecare comunicare.
14:15
And that's what we would normally do
357
843576
1931
Şi asta este ceea ce am face în mod normal
14:17
in the usual process of courtship.
358
845507
2064
cănd întâlnim pe cineva.
14:19
And finally, there were the photos.
359
847571
3405
În final, sunt fotografiile.
14:22
All of the women who were popular
360
850976
1833
Toate femeile populare
14:24
showed some skin.
361
852809
1625
şi-au arătat pielea.
14:26
They all looked really great,
362
854434
2012
Toate arată foarte bine,
14:28
which turned out to be in sharp contrast
363
856446
2778
faţă de
14:31
to what I had uploaded.
364
859224
3293
poza mea.
14:34
Once I had all of this information,
365
862517
1640
Cu aceste informaţii,
14:36
I was able to create a super profile,
366
864157
2344
am putut crea un super profil,
14:38
so it was still me,
367
866501
1874
în care eram tot eu,
14:40
but it was me optimized now for this ecosystem.
368
868375
3909
dar optimizată pentru sistem.
14:44
And as it turns out, I did a really good job.
369
872284
4850
Şi se pare că am făcut treabă bună.
14:49
I was the most popular person online.
370
877134
3056
Am fost cea mai populară persoană online.
14:52
(Laughter)
371
880190
2519
(Râsete)
14:54
(Applause)
372
882709
4214
(Aplauze)
14:58
And as it turns out, lots and lots of men wanted to date me.
373
886923
3487
O mulţime de bărbaţi au vrut să mă întâlnească.
15:02
So I call my mom, I call my sister, I call my grandmother.
374
890410
2406
Aşa ca am sunat-o pe mama, sora şi bunica.
15:04
I'm telling them about this fabulous news,
375
892816
1831
Şi le-am spus vestea,
15:06
and they say, "This is wonderful!
376
894647
1869
şi ele au spus, „Minunat!
15:08
How soon are you going out?"
377
896516
2117
Când te duci la întălnire?"
15:10
And I said, "Well, actually, I'm not going to go out with anybody."
378
898633
2439
Am răspuns „Ei bine, nu vreau să ies cu oricine."
15:13
Because remember, in my scoring system,
379
901072
1937
Pentru că, în sistemul meu de punctaj,
15:15
they have to reach a minimum threshold of 700 points,
380
903009
2334
ei trebuiau să ajungă la un minim de 700 de puncte,
15:17
and none of them have done that.
381
905343
2310
şi niciunul dintre ei n-a reușit.
15:19
They said, "What? You're still being too damn picky."
382
907653
2778
Ele mi-au spus „Ce? Încă eşti prea pretenţioasă."
15:22
Well, not too long after that,
383
910431
1657
În fine, nu mult timp după asta,
15:24
I found this guy, Thevenin,
384
912088
2202
L-am găsit pe acest tip, Thevenin,
15:26
and he said that he was culturally Jewish,
385
914290
2470
a spus că aparține comunității evreiești,
15:28
he said that his job was an arctic baby seal hunter,
386
916760
3020
jobul lui este vănător arctic
15:31
which I thought was very clever.
387
919780
2564
lucru care mi-a plăcut.
15:34
He talked in detail about travel.
388
922344
2877
A vorbit în detaliu despre călătorie.
15:37
He made a lot of really interesting cultural references.
389
925221
2313
A făcut o mulţime de referinţe culturale.
15:39
He looked and talked exactly like what I wanted,
390
927534
3018
Privea şi vorbea exact cum am vrut,
15:42
and immediately, he scored 850 points.
391
930552
3211
şi imediat, a ajuns la 850 de puncte.
15:45
It was enough for a date.
392
933763
1761
A fost suficient pentru o întâlnire.
15:47
Three weeks later, we met up in person
393
935524
2116
Trei săptămâni mai târziu, ne-am întâlnit
15:49
for what turned out to be a 14-hour-long conversation
394
937640
3358
şi am conversat 14 ore
15:52
that went from coffee shop to restaurant
395
940998
2065
am mers de la cafea la restaurant
15:55
to another coffee shop to another restaurant,
396
943063
2333
la altă cafenea, la alt resuaturant,
15:57
and when he dropped me back off at my house that night
397
945396
1913
şi când m-a condus acasă
15:59
I re-scored him --
398
947309
1539
L-am reevaluat --
16:00
[1,050 points!] --
399
948848
1253
[1,050 puncte!] --
16:02
thought, you know what,
400
950101
1386
deşi,
16:03
this entire time I haven't been picky enough.
401
951487
3085
în acest timp nu am fost destul de pretenţioasă.
16:06
Well, a year and a half after that,
402
954572
1632
Un an şi jumătate mai târziu,
16:08
we were non-cruise ship traveling
403
956204
2922
călătoream -dar nu în croazieră-
16:11
through Petra, Jordan,
404
959126
2085
prin Petra, Iordania,
16:13
when he got down on his knee and proposed.
405
961211
3201
când m-a cerut de soție.
16:16
A year after that, we were married,
406
964412
2771
După un an ne-am căsătorit,
16:19
and about a year and a half after that, our daughter,
407
967183
2408
şi după un an şi jumătate, fiica noastră
16:21
Petra, was born.
408
969591
1800
Petra, s-a născut.
16:23
(Applause)
409
971391
7380
(Aplauze)
16:30
Obviously, I'm having a fabulous life, so --
410
978771
2319
Am o viaţă fabuloasă, evident, deci --
16:33
(Laughter) --
411
981090
1428
(Râsete)
16:34
the question is, what does all of this mean for you?
412
982518
2628
întrebarea este, ce înseamnă toate astea pentru voi?
16:37
Well, as it turns out, there is an algorithm for love.
413
985146
3848
Asta dovedeşte că există un algoritm al iubirii.
16:40
It's just not the ones that we're being presented with online.
414
988994
3696
Doar că nu este cel prezentat online.
16:44
In fact, it's something that you write yourself.
415
992690
2236
E de fapt unul pe care-l alcătuiți voi înșivă.
16:46
So whether you're looking for a husband or a wife
416
994926
2251
Şi dacă vă căutaţi jumătatea
16:49
or you're trying to find your passion
417
997177
2062
sau vă căutaţi pasiunea
16:51
or you're trying to start a business,
418
999239
1474
sau vreţi să porniţi o afacere,
16:52
all you have to really do is figure out your own framework
419
1000713
3057
trebuie să vă stabiliţi criteriile
16:55
and play by your own rules,
420
1003770
1917
să jucaţi după regulile voastre,
16:57
and feel free to be as picky as you want.
421
1005687
2640
şi putetț fi oricât de mofturos vreţi.
17:00
Well, on my wedding day,
422
1008327
1460
În ziua nunţii mele,
17:01
I had a conversation again with my grandmother,
423
1009787
1906
am vorbit cu bunica mea,
17:03
and she said, "All right, maybe I was wrong.
424
1011693
2797
şi ea a spus „bine, poate că am greşit.
17:06
It looks like you did come up with
425
1014490
1283
Se pare că ai descoperit
17:07
a really, really great system.
426
1015773
2016
un sistem cu adevărat bun.
17:09
Now, your matzoh balls.
427
1017789
2935
Acum, despre găluşte.
17:12
They should be fluffy, not hard."
428
1020724
3131
Ar trebui să fie pufoase, nu tari."
17:15
And I'll take her advice on that.
429
1023855
1552
Voi ține cont de acest sfat.
17:17
(Applause)
430
1025407
4602
(Aplauze)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Webb - Founder and CEO, Future Today InstituteAmy Webb is a futurist and founder of the Future Today Institute, and is the award-winning author of three books, including “Data: A Love Story” and “The Signals Are Talking: Why Today’s Fringe Is Tomorrow’s Mainstream.”
Why you should listen
Amy Webb uses data to understand the present and future of humanity, a practice she first developed as a journalist for the Wall Street Journal and Newsweek and has continued as a futurist. She is the head of the Future Today Institute, which researches collisions between technology, society and business — and maps scenarios that are on the horizon. She was named to the Thinkers50 Radar list of the 30 management thinkers most likely to shape the future of how organizations are managed and led.
Webb is on the adjunct faculty at the NYU Stern School of Business, where she teaches a popular MBA-level course on futures forecasting. She is the author of The Signals Are Talking, Why Today’s Fringe Is Tomorrow’s Mainstream, which has become the standard text on futures forecasting and explains how to predict and manage technological change. Her book Data: A Love Story tells the tale of how she gamed the online dating system to figure out how to find the love of her life.
Amy Webb | Speaker | TED.com