TEDxCreativeCoast
Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
Celeste Headlee: 10 kiat melakukan perbincangan yang lebih baik
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Ketika pekerjaan Anda mengandalkan seberapa baik Anda berbincang dengan orang-orang, Anda mendapat banyak pelajaran tentang cara melakukan perbincangan -- dan bahwa kebanyakan orang tidak berbincang dengan baik. Celeste Headlee telah puluhan tahun bekerja sebagai pembawa acara di radio, dan ia mengetahui resep perbincangan yang menyenangkan: Jujur, padat, jelas, dan mendengarkan dalam kadar yang sesuai. Dalam ceramah yang bijak ini, Celeste berbagi 10 aturan yang bermanfaat untuk melakukan perbincangan dengan baik. "Keluarlah, berbicaralah dengan orang-orang, dengarkan mereka," katanya. "Dan yang terpenting, bersiaplah untuk kagum."
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio host
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
All right, I want to see a show of hands:
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Baik, silahkan acungkan tangan:
00:14
how many of you have
unfriended someone on Facebook
unfriended someone on Facebook
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siapa yang pernah
menghapus pertemanan di Facebook
menghapus pertemanan di Facebook
00:17
because they said something offensive
about politics or religion,
about politics or religion,
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karena sesuatu yang menyinggung
seperti politik atau agama,
seperti politik atau agama,
00:21
childcare, food?
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pengasuhan anak, makanan?
00:23
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
00:25
And how many of you
know at least one person that you avoid
know at least one person that you avoid
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Dan siapa saja yang menghindari
sedikitnya satu orang
sedikitnya satu orang
00:28
because you just don't want
to talk to them?
to talk to them?
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karena tidak ingin berbicara
dengan orang itu?
dengan orang itu?
00:30
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
00:32
You know, it used to be that in order
to have a polite conversation,
to have a polite conversation,
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Dulu, untuk melakukan
percakapan yang sopan,
percakapan yang sopan,
00:36
we just had to follow the advice
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
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kita hanya perlu mengikuti saran
Henry Higgins di "My Fair Lady":
Henry Higgins di "My Fair Lady":
00:39
Stick to the weather and your health.
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Bicara tentang cuaca dan kesehatan.
00:41
But these days, with climate change
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
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Kini, dengan adanya perubahan iklim
dan antivaksin, subjek tersebut --
dan antivaksin, subjek tersebut --
00:44
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
00:46
are not safe either.
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juga tidak aman.
00:47
So this world that we live in,
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Di dunia tempat kita tinggal ini,
00:50
this world in which every conversation
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di mana setiap pembicaraan
00:53
has the potential
to devolve into an argument,
to devolve into an argument,
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berpotensi untuk berubah menjadi argumen,
00:55
where our politicians
can't speak to one another
can't speak to one another
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di mana politisi kita
tidak bisa saling bicara
tidak bisa saling bicara
00:57
and where even the most trivial of issues
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dan bahkan masalah yang paling remeh temeh
00:59
have someone fighting both passionately
for it and against it, it's not normal.
for it and against it, it's not normal.
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bisa menyebabkan orang ngotot berkelahi,
itu tidak normal.
itu tidak normal.
01:04
Pew Research did a study
of 10,000 American adults,
of 10,000 American adults,
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Pew Research melakukan studi
atas 10.000 warga negara AS,
atas 10.000 warga negara AS,
01:08
and they found that at this moment,
we are more polarized,
we are more polarized,
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dan mereka menemukan, saat ini,
kita lebih terpolarisasi,
kita lebih terpolarisasi,
01:10
we are more divided,
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lebih terpecah belah,
01:12
than we ever have been in history.
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daripada sebelumnya, sepanjang sejarah.
01:14
We're less likely to compromise,
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Kita lebih sulit berkompromi,
01:16
which means we're
not listening to each other.
not listening to each other.
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yang artinya kita
tidak saling mendengarkan.
tidak saling mendengarkan.
01:18
And we make decisions about where to live,
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Kita membuat keputusan
tentang tempat tinggal,
tentang tempat tinggal,
01:21
who to marry and even
who our friends are going to be,
who our friends are going to be,
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pasangan hidup, bahkan siapa teman kita,
01:23
based on what we already believe.
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berdasarkan apa yang kita percaya.
01:26
Again, that means
we're not listening to each other.
we're not listening to each other.
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Lagi-lagi, itu berarti kita
tidak saling mendengarkan.
tidak saling mendengarkan.
01:29
A conversation requires a balance
between talking and listening,
between talking and listening,
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Sebuah percakapan memerlukan keseimbangan
antara bicara dan mendengar,
antara bicara dan mendengar,
01:32
and somewhere along the way,
we lost that balance.
we lost that balance.
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dan di tengah jalan,
kita kehilangan keseimbangan itu.
kita kehilangan keseimbangan itu.
01:35
Now, part of that is due to technology.
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Salah satu sebabnya adalah teknologi.
01:37
The smartphones that you all
either have in your hands
either have in your hands
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Ponsel cerdas yang Anda semua punya
baik di tangan Anda
baik di tangan Anda
01:39
or close enough that you could
grab them really quickly.
grab them really quickly.
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ataupun di tempat terdekat
yang bisa segera Anda raih.
yang bisa segera Anda raih.
01:42
According to Pew Research,
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Menurut Pew Research,
01:43
about a third of American teenagers
send more than a hundred texts a day.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
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sekitar sepertiga remaja Amerika
mengirim lebih dari 100 pesan sehari.
mengirim lebih dari 100 pesan sehari.
01:48
And many of them, almost most of them,
are more likely to text their friends
are more likely to text their friends
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Kebanyakan, hampir semua,
lebih mungkin mengirim SMS ke teman mereka
lebih mungkin mengirim SMS ke teman mereka
01:53
than they are to talk
to them face to face.
to them face to face.
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daripada bertatap muka.
01:56
There's this great piece in The Atlantic.
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Ada artikel bagus di The Atlantic
01:58
It was written by a high school teacher
named Paul Barnwell.
named Paul Barnwell.
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yang ditulis seorang guru SMA
bernama Paul Barnwell.
bernama Paul Barnwell.
02:01
And he gave his kids
a communication project.
a communication project.
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Dia memberi proyek komunikasi
pada muridnya.
pada muridnya.
02:03
He wanted to teach them how to speak
on a specific subject without using notes.
on a specific subject without using notes.
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Dia ingin mengajarkan cara membicarakan
suatu topik tanpa melihat catatan.
suatu topik tanpa melihat catatan.
02:06
And he said this: "I came to realize..."
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Dan dia bilang: "Saya menyadari..."
02:08
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
02:12
"I came to realize
that conversational competence
that conversational competence
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"Saya menyadari bahwa
kompetensi berbicara mungkin
kompetensi berbicara mungkin
02:15
might be the single
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
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adalah keterampilan yang paling diremehkan
dan gagal kita ajarkan.
dan gagal kita ajarkan.
02:19
Kids spend hours each day engaging
with ideas and each other through screens,
with ideas and each other through screens,
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Anak-anak berkutat berjam-jam dengan
ide-ide dan teman-teman melalui layar,
ide-ide dan teman-teman melalui layar,
02:23
but rarely do they have an opportunity
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tetapi mereka jarang punya kesempatan
02:25
to hone their interpersonal
communications skills.
communications skills.
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mengasah keterampilan
komunikasi interpersonal mereka.
komunikasi interpersonal mereka.
02:28
It might sound like a funny question,
but we have to ask ourselves:
but we have to ask ourselves:
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Mungkin terdengar aneh, tapi kita
harus bertanya pada diri sendiri:
harus bertanya pada diri sendiri:
02:31
Is there any 21st-century skill
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adakah keterampilan abad ke-21 lain
yang lebih penting
yang lebih penting
02:33
more important than being able to sustain
coherent, confident conversation?"
coherent, confident conversation?"
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daripada kemampuan menjaga
percakapan agar koheren dan nyaman?"
percakapan agar koheren dan nyaman?"
Pekerjaan saya adalah
berbicara dengan orang-orang:
berbicara dengan orang-orang:
02:39
Now, I make my living talking to people:
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02:41
Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers,
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pemenang hadiah Nobel, sopir truk,
02:43
billionaires, kindergarten teachers,
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miliarder, guru taman kanak-kanak,
02:46
heads of state, plumbers.
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kepala negara, tukang ledeng.
02:48
I talk to people that I like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
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Saya berbicara dengan orang
yang saya suka maupun tidak.
yang saya suka maupun tidak.
02:51
I talk to some people that I disagree with
deeply on a personal level.
deeply on a personal level.
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Saya berbincang dengan orang yang
pendapatnya berlawanan dengan saya.
pendapatnya berlawanan dengan saya.
02:55
But I still have
a great conversation with them.
a great conversation with them.
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Tapi percakapan saya dengan mereka
tetap menyenangkan.
tetap menyenangkan.
02:58
So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes
or so teaching you how to talk
or so teaching you how to talk
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Jadi, saya akan menggunakan 10 menit
berikut untuk mengajari Anda berbicara
berikut untuk mengajari Anda berbicara
03:02
and how to listen.
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dan mendengarkan.
03:04
Many of you have already heard
a lot of advice on this,
a lot of advice on this,
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Anda sudah banyak mendengar
banyak nasihat tentang ini,
banyak nasihat tentang ini,
03:07
things like look the person in the eye,
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seperti tataplah mata lawan bicara,
03:09
think of interesting topics
to discuss in advance,
to discuss in advance,
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pikirkan lebih dulu topik menarik
untuk didiskusikan,
untuk didiskusikan,
03:13
look, nod and smile to show
that you're paying attention,
that you're paying attention,
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tatap, mengangguk dan senyumlah
untuk menunjukkan bahwa Anda menyimak,
untuk menunjukkan bahwa Anda menyimak,
03:18
repeat back what you just heard
or summarize it.
or summarize it.
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ulangi apa yang baru Anda dengar
atau ringkaslah.
atau ringkaslah.
03:21
So I want you to forget all of that.
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Nah, saya ingin Anda lupakan semua itu.
Semua itu sampah.
Semua itu sampah.
03:22
It is crap.
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03:24
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
03:27
There is no reason to learn
how to show you're paying attention
how to show you're paying attention
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Anda tidak perlu belajar untuk
menunjukkan bahwa Anda menyimak
menunjukkan bahwa Anda menyimak
03:31
if you are in fact paying attention.
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kalau Anda memang menyimak.
03:35
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
03:36
(Applause)
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(Tepuk tangan)
03:39
Now, I actually use the exact
same skills as a professional interviewer
same skills as a professional interviewer
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Saya juga menggunakan keterampilan
yang sama sebagai pewawancara profesional
yang sama sebagai pewawancara profesional
03:43
that I do in regular life.
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yang saya lakukan sehari-hari.
03:46
So, I'm going to teach you
how to interview people,
how to interview people,
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Jadi, saya akan mengajarkan
cara mewawancarai orang-orang,
cara mewawancarai orang-orang,
03:49
and that's actually going to help you
learn how to be better conversationalists.
learn how to be better conversationalists.
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dan ini akan membantu Anda belajar
menjadi pembicara yang lebih baik.
menjadi pembicara yang lebih baik.
03:53
Learn to have a conversation
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Belajar melakukan percakapan
03:55
without wasting your time,
without getting bored,
without getting bored,
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tanpa membuang waktu, tanpa menjadi bosan,
03:57
and, please God,
without offending anybody.
without offending anybody.
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dan yang tak kalah penting,
tanpa menyinggung siapapun.
tanpa menyinggung siapapun.
04:00
We've all had really great conversations.
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Kita semua pernah mengalami
percakapan yang menyenangkan.
percakapan yang menyenangkan.
04:03
We've had them before.
We know what it's like.
We know what it's like.
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Kita tahu bagaimana percakapan itu.
04:05
The kind of conversation where you
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
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Percakapan yang membuat Anda
merasa terlibat dan terinspirasi,
merasa terlibat dan terinspirasi,
04:09
or where you feel
like you've made a real connection
like you've made a real connection
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atau merasa telah menjalin
hubungan yang nyata
hubungan yang nyata
04:11
or you've been perfectly understood.
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atau merasa benar-benar dipahami.
04:13
There is no reason
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Tidak ada alasan kenapa
kebanyakan interaksi kita
kebanyakan interaksi kita
04:14
why most of your interactions
can't be like that.
can't be like that.
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tidak bisa seperti itu.
04:18
So I have 10 basic rules.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
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Ada 10 aturan dasar. Saya akan
menuntun Anda melewati semuanya,
menuntun Anda melewati semuanya,
04:21
but honestly, if you just choose
one of them and master it,
one of them and master it,
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tetapi kalaupun Anda hanya memilih satu
dan menguasainya,
dan menguasainya,
04:25
you'll already enjoy better conversations.
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Anda sudah akan menikmati
percakapan yang lebih baik.
percakapan yang lebih baik.
04:27
Number one: Don't multitask.
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Nomor satu: jangan menyambi.
04:30
And I don't mean
just set down your cell phone
just set down your cell phone
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Dan maksud saya
bukan hanya meletakkan ponsel,
bukan hanya meletakkan ponsel,
04:32
or your tablet or your car keys
or whatever is in your hand.
or whatever is in your hand.
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tablet, kunci mobil, atau apapun
yang ada di tangan Anda.
yang ada di tangan Anda.
04:35
I mean, be present.
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Anda harus benar-benar ada.
04:37
Be in that moment.
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Anda harus ada dalam momen itu.
04:39
Don't think about your argument
you had with your boss.
you had with your boss.
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Jangan memikirkan perdebatan
dengan bos Anda.
dengan bos Anda.
04:42
Don't think about what
you're going to have for dinner.
you're going to have for dinner.
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Jangan memikirkan menu makan malam nanti.
Jika Anda ingin keluar dari percakapan
itu,
itu,
04:44
If you want to get out
of the conversation,
of the conversation,
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tinggalkan percakapan itu.
04:46
get out of the conversation,
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Jangan setengah-setengah.
04:48
but don't be half in it
and half out of it.
and half out of it.
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04:50
Number two: Don't pontificate.
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Nomor dua: Jangan menggurui.
04:52
If you want to state your opinion
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Jika Anda ingin menyampaikan pendapat
04:55
without any opportunity for response
or argument or pushback or growth,
or argument or pushback or growth,
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tanpa memberi ruang bagi tanggapan,
sanggahan, sentilan, atau perkembangan,
sanggahan, sentilan, atau perkembangan,
05:01
write a blog.
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menulislah di blog.
05:02
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
05:05
Now, there's a really good reason
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
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Ada alasan bagus kenapa saya tidak
mengundang pakar dalam acara saya:
mengundang pakar dalam acara saya:
05:09
Because they're really boring.
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Karena mereka sangat membosankan.
05:10
If they're conservative, they're going to
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
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Kalau mereka konservatif, mereka pasti
membenci Obama, kupon makanan, dan aborsi.
membenci Obama, kupon makanan, dan aborsi.
05:14
If they're liberal, they're going to hate
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Kalau liberal, mereka pasti membenci
bank besar, perusahaan minyak,
dan Dick Cheney.
dan Dick Cheney.
05:16
big banks and oil corporations
and Dick Cheney.
and Dick Cheney.
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Sangat bisa ditebak.
05:18
Totally predictable.
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05:20
And you don't want to be like that.
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Dan Anda tidak mau jadi seperti mereka.
05:21
You need to enter every conversation
assuming that you have something to learn.
assuming that you have something to learn.
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Anda harus memasuki setiap percakapan
dengan asumsi Anda akan belajar sesuatu.
dengan asumsi Anda akan belajar sesuatu.
05:27
The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said
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Psikiater terkenal M. Scott Peck berkata
05:29
that true listening requires
a setting aside of oneself.
a setting aside of oneself.
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bahwa untuk sungguh-sungguh mendengarkan,
kita perlu mengesampingkan diri sendiri.
kita perlu mengesampingkan diri sendiri.
05:34
And sometimes that means
setting aside your personal opinion.
setting aside your personal opinion.
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Dan kadang itu berarti mengesampingkan
pendapat pribadi Anda.
pendapat pribadi Anda.
05:38
He said that sensing this acceptance,
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Jika si pembicara merasa diterima,
ia akan semakin merasa aman
05:41
the speaker will become
less and less vulnerable
less and less vulnerable
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dan lebih mungkin untuk membuka
relung pemikiran terdalamnya
relung pemikiran terdalamnya
05:43
and more and more likely
to open up the inner recesses
to open up the inner recesses
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05:46
of his or her mind to the listener.
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pada si pendengar.
Sekali lagi, berasumsilah
bahwa Anda akan belajar sesuatu.
bahwa Anda akan belajar sesuatu.
05:49
Again, assume that you have
something to learn.
something to learn.
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05:52
Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet
knows something that you don't."
knows something that you don't."
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Bill Nye:"Setiap orang yang akan kau temui
mengetahui sesuatu yang tak kau ketahui."
mengetahui sesuatu yang tak kau ketahui."
05:57
I put it this way:
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Begini kalau kata saya:
05:58
Everybody is an expert in something.
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Setiap orang adalah ahli dalam sesuatu.
06:03
Number three: Use open-ended questions.
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Nomor tiga: Gunakan pertanyaan terbuka.
06:06
In this case, take a cue from journalists.
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Dalam hal ini, contohlah para wartawan.
06:08
Start your questions with who,
what, when, where, why or how.
what, when, where, why or how.
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Awali dengan siapa, apa, kapan,
di mana, mengapa atau bagaimana.
di mana, mengapa atau bagaimana.
06:11
If you put in a complicated question,
you're going to get a simple answer out.
you're going to get a simple answer out.
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Jika Anda memberi pertanyaan yang rumit,
Anda akan mendapat jawaban singkat.
Anda akan mendapat jawaban singkat.
06:14
If I ask you, "Were you terrified?"
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Jika saya bertanya,
"Apakah Anda takut?"
"Apakah Anda takut?"
06:17
you're going to respond to the most
powerful word in that sentence,
powerful word in that sentence,
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Anda akan mengambil kata
yang paling menonjol dalam kalimat itu,
yang paling menonjol dalam kalimat itu,
06:20
which is "terrified," and the answer is
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
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yakni "takut," dan jawabannya
adalah "Ya" atau "Tidak."
adalah "Ya" atau "Tidak."
"Apakah Anda marah?"
"Ya, saya sangat marah."
"Ya, saya sangat marah."
06:23
"Were you angry?" "Yes, I was very angry."
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06:25
Let them describe it.
They're the ones that know.
They're the ones that know.
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Biarkan mereka menggambarkannya.
Merekalah yang tahu.
Merekalah yang tahu.
06:28
Try asking them things like,
"What was that like?"
"What was that like?"
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Cobalah menanyakan hal-hal
semacam, "Seperti apa kesannya?"
semacam, "Seperti apa kesannya?"
06:31
"How did that feel?"
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"Bagaimana rasanya?"
06:33
Because then they might have to stop
for a moment and think about it,
for a moment and think about it,
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Karena dengan demikian mereka mungkin akan
berhenti sejenak dan berpikir,
berhenti sejenak dan berpikir,
06:37
and you're going to get
a much more interesting response.
a much more interesting response.
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dan Anda akan mendapat
tanggapan yang lebih menarik.
tanggapan yang lebih menarik.
06:40
Number four: Go with the flow.
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Nomor empat: Ikutilah aliran percakapan.
06:43
That means thoughts
will come into your mind
will come into your mind
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Itu artinya, akan ada hal-hal
yang muncul di pikiran Anda
yang muncul di pikiran Anda
06:46
and you need to let them
go out of your mind.
go out of your mind.
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dan Anda perlu merelakannya.
06:49
We've heard interviews often
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Kita sering mendengar wawancara
06:51
in which a guest is talking
for several minutes
for several minutes
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dimana narasumbernya bicara
selama beberapa menit,
selama beberapa menit,
06:54
and then the host comes back in
and asks a question
and asks a question
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lalu pembawa acara melanjutkan
dengan pertanyaan
dengan pertanyaan
06:56
which seems like it comes out of nowhere,
or it's already been answered.
or it's already been answered.
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yang tampak tidak berkaitan,
atau yang sudah terjawab.
atau yang sudah terjawab.
Itu berarti si pembawa acara mungkin
sudah tidak menyimak sejak dua menit lalu
sudah tidak menyimak sejak dua menit lalu
07:00
That means the host probably
stopped listening two minutes ago
stopped listening two minutes ago
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07:02
because he thought
of this really clever question,
of this really clever question,
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karena Ia terpikir sebuah
pertanyaan yang cerdas,
pertanyaan yang cerdas,
07:06
and he was just bound
and determined to say that.
and determined to say that.
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dan dia sangat ingin menanyakannya.
07:09
And we do the exact same thing.
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Dan kita melakukan hal yang persis sama.
07:11
We're sitting there having
a conversation with someone,
a conversation with someone,
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Kita duduk dan berbincang
dengan seseorang,
dengan seseorang,
07:14
and then we remember that time
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
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lalu teringat saat kita
bertemu Hugh Jackman di kafe.
bertemu Hugh Jackman di kafe.
07:17
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
07:18
And we stop listening.
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Dan kita berhenti menyimak.
07:20
Stories and ideas
are going to come to you.
are going to come to you.
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Cerita dan ide akan mendatangi Anda.
07:22
You need to let them come and let them go.
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Anda perlu membiarkannya datang
dan merelakannya pergi.
dan merelakannya pergi.
07:26
Number five: If you don't know,
say that you don't know.
say that you don't know.
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Nomor lima: Jika Anda tidak tahu,
katakan bahwa Anda tidak tahu.
katakan bahwa Anda tidak tahu.
07:30
Now, people on the radio,
especially on NPR,
especially on NPR,
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Orang-orang di radio, khususnya NPR,
07:33
are much more aware
that they're going on the record,
that they're going on the record,
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punya kesadaran ekstra
bahwa mereka sedang direkam,
bahwa mereka sedang direkam,
07:36
and so they're more careful
about what they claim to be an expert in
about what they claim to be an expert in
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sehingga mereka lebih berhati-hati
ketika mengatakan mereka ahli
ketika mengatakan mereka ahli
07:39
and what they claim to know for sure.
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dan apa yang mereka ketahui.
07:41
Do that. Err on the side of caution.
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Lakukan itu. Berhati-hatilah.
07:44
Talk should not be cheap.
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Berbicara tidak boleh asal bunyi.
07:46
Number six: Don't equate
your experience with theirs.
your experience with theirs.
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Nomor enam: Jangan bandingkan
pengalaman Anda dengan pengalaman mereka.
pengalaman Anda dengan pengalaman mereka.
07:51
If they're talking
about having lost a family member,
about having lost a family member,
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Kalau mereka bercerita
tentang kehilangan anggota keluarga,
tentang kehilangan anggota keluarga,
07:54
don't start talking about the time
you lost a family member.
you lost a family member.
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jangan lantas menceritakan
saat saudara Anda meninggal.
saat saudara Anda meninggal.
Kalau mereka menceritakan
masalah pekerjaan mereka,
masalah pekerjaan mereka,
07:56
If they're talking about the trouble
they're having at work,
they're having at work,
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jangan lantas bercerita tentang
betapa Anda benci pekerjaan Anda.
betapa Anda benci pekerjaan Anda.
07:59
don't tell them about
how much you hate your job.
how much you hate your job.
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08:02
It's not the same. It is never the same.
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Itu tidak sama.
Tidak pernah sama.
Tidak pernah sama.
08:04
All experiences are individual.
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Semua pengalaman itu personal.
08:05
And, more importantly,
it is not about you.
it is not about you.
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Dan yang lebih penting,
ini bukan tentang Anda.
ini bukan tentang Anda.
08:09
You don't need to take that moment
to prove how amazing you are
to prove how amazing you are
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Anda tidak perlu mengambil kesempatan itu
untuk membuktikan betapa hebatnya Anda
untuk membuktikan betapa hebatnya Anda
08:13
or how much you've suffered.
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atau betapa menderitanya Anda.
Seseorang bertanya pada Stephen Hawking
berapa IQ-nya, ia menjawab,
berapa IQ-nya, ia menjawab,
08:15
Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once
what his IQ was, and he said,
what his IQ was, and he said,
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"Aku tidak tahu. Orang yang menyombongkan
IQ-nya adalah pecundang."
IQ-nya adalah pecundang."
08:18
"I have no idea. People who brag
about their IQs are losers."
about their IQs are losers."
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08:21
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
08:23
Conversations are not
a promotional opportunity.
a promotional opportunity.
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Percakapan bukan kesempatan untuk promosi.
08:28
Number seven:
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Nomor tujuh:
08:31
Try not to repeat yourself.
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Cobalah tidak mengulang perkataan Anda.
Itu merendahkan dan membosankan,
Itu merendahkan dan membosankan,
08:32
It's condescending,
and it's really boring,
and it's really boring,
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dan kita cenderung sering melakukannya.
08:35
and we tend to do it a lot.
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08:36
Especially in work conversations
or in conversations with our kids,
or in conversations with our kids,
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Terutama dalam percakapan
tentang pekerjaan, atau dengan anak kita,
tentang pekerjaan, atau dengan anak kita,
08:40
we have a point to make,
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kita ingin menekankan sebuah pesan
08:42
so we just keep rephrasing it
over and over.
over and over.
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sehingga kita terus mengulang-ulangnya.
08:45
Don't do that.
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Jangan lakukan itu.
08:46
Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.
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Nomor delapan: tidak usah bertele-tele.
08:49
Frankly, people don't care
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Jujur saja, orang-orang tidak peduli
08:52
about the years, the names,
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tentang tahun, nama,
08:54
the dates, all those details
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tanggal, dan semua detail
08:56
that you're struggling
to come up with in your mind.
to come up with in your mind.
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yang berusaha Anda ingat.
08:59
They don't care.
What they care about is you.
What they care about is you.
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Mereka tidak peduli.
Yang mereka pedulikan adalah Anda.
Yang mereka pedulikan adalah Anda.
09:01
They care about what you're like,
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Mereka ingin tahu seperti apa Anda,
09:04
what you have in common.
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apa kesamaan kalian.
09:05
So forget the details. Leave them out.
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Jadi lupakan detailnya. Tinggalkan.
09:08
Number nine:
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Nomor sembilan:
09:10
This is not the last one,
but it is the most important one.
but it is the most important one.
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Ini bukan yang terakhir,
tapi ini paling penting.
tapi ini paling penting.
09:13
Listen.
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Dengarkan.
09:14
I cannot tell you how many
really important people have said
really important people have said
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Tak terhitung banyaknya
orang-orang besar yang mengatakan
orang-orang besar yang mengatakan
09:18
that listening is perhaps the most,
the number one most important skill
the number one most important skill
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bahwa mendengarkan mungkin
merupakan keterampilan terpenting
merupakan keterampilan terpenting
09:22
that you could develop.
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yang bisa Anda pelajari.
09:23
Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing,
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Buddha berkata, dan saya parafrasekan,
09:25
"If your mouth is open,
you're not learning."
you're not learning."
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"Jika mulutmu terbuka,
kamu tidak sedang belajar."
kamu tidak sedang belajar."
09:28
And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man
ever listened his way out of a job."
ever listened his way out of a job."
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Dan kata Calvin Coolidge, "Tidak ada orang
yang pernah dipecat karena mendengarkan."
yang pernah dipecat karena mendengarkan."
09:32
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
09:34
Why do we not listen to each other?
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Mengapa kita tidak saling mendengarkan?
09:36
Number one, we'd rather talk.
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Nomor satu, kita lebih suka berbicara.
Ketika saya bicara, saya memegang kendali.
09:39
When I'm talking, I'm in control.
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09:41
I don't have to hear anything
I'm not interested in.
I'm not interested in.
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Saya tidak perlu mendengar
hal-hal yang tidak menarik.
hal-hal yang tidak menarik.
09:43
I'm the center of attention.
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Sayalah pusat perhatian.
09:45
I can bolster my own identity.
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Saya bisa mengangkat identitas saya.
09:47
But there's another reason:
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Tetapi ada sebab lain:
09:48
We get distracted.
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perhatian kita mudah teralihkan.
09:50
The average person talks
at about 225 word per minute,
at about 225 word per minute,
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Kecepatan bicara orang
rata-rata 225 kata per menit,
rata-rata 225 kata per menit,
09:53
but we can listen at up to
500 words per minute.
500 words per minute.
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tetapi kita bisa mendengarkan
hingga 500 kata per menit.
hingga 500 kata per menit.
09:57
So our minds are filling in
those other 275 words.
those other 275 words.
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Jadi, pikiran kitalah
yang mengisi 275 kata lainnya.
yang mengisi 275 kata lainnya.
10:01
And look, I know,
it takes effort and energy
it takes effort and energy
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Dan, saya tahu, perlu usaha dan energi
10:05
to actually pay attention to someone,
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untuk menyimak seseorang,
10:07
but if you can't do that,
you're not in a conversation.
you're not in a conversation.
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tetapi kalau Anda tidak bisa,
Anda tidak sedang berbincang.
Anda tidak sedang berbincang.
10:10
You're just two people shouting out
barely related sentences
barely related sentences
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Anda hanya sedang menyerukan
kalimat-kalimat tidak nyambung
kalimat-kalimat tidak nyambung
10:13
in the same place.
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di tempat yang sama.
10:14
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
10:16
You have to listen to one another.
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Anda harus saling mendengarkan,
10:19
Stephen Covey said it very beautifully.
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seperti kata mutiara Stephen Covey,
10:20
He said, "Most of us don't listen
with the intent to understand.
with the intent to understand.
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"Kebanyakan orang mendengarkan
bukan karena ingin mengerti.
bukan karena ingin mengerti.
10:24
We listen with the intent to reply."
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Kita mendengarkan agar dapat menjawab."
10:28
One more rule, number 10,
and it's this one: Be brief.
and it's this one: Be brief.
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Satu aturan lagi, nomor 10,
ini dia: bicaralah dengan singkat.
ini dia: bicaralah dengan singkat.
10:32
[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;
short enough to retain interest,
short enough to retain interest,
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[Percakapan yang baik itu ibarat rok mini;
cukup pendek untuk menyita perhatian,
cukup pendek untuk menyita perhatian,
10:36
but long enough to cover
the subject. -- My Sister]
the subject. -- My Sister]
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tetapi cukup panjang untuk melingkupi
subjeknya. -- Saudara Saya]
subjeknya. -- Saudara Saya]
10:38
(Laughter)
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(Tertawa)
10:40
(Applause)
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(Tepuk tangan)
10:42
All of this boils down to the same
basic concept, and it is this one:
basic concept, and it is this one:
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Semua itu mengerucut
ke konsep dasar yang sama, yaitu:
ke konsep dasar yang sama, yaitu:
10:47
Be interested in other people.
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tertariklah terhadap orang lain.
10:50
You know, I grew up
with a very famous grandfather,
with a very famous grandfather,
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Saya tumbuh besar bersama
kakek saya yang terkenal.
kakek saya yang terkenal.
10:52
and there was kind of a ritual in my home.
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dan ada semacam ritual di rumah saya.
10:54
People would come over
to talk to my grandparents,
to talk to my grandparents,
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Orang-orang datang berbincang
dengan kakek-nenek saya,
dengan kakek-nenek saya,
10:57
and after they would leave,
my mother would come over to us,
my mother would come over to us,
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dan setelah mereka pergi,
ibu saya menghampiri kami,
ibu saya menghampiri kami,
11:00
and she'd say, "Do you know who that was?
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dan beliau bilang, "Kamu tahu siapa dia?
11:02
She was the runner-up to Miss America.
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Dia adalah juara kedua Miss America.
11:03
He was the mayor of Sacramento.
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Dia adalah walikota Sacramento.
11:05
She won a Pulitzer Prize.
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
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Dia pemenang Pulitzer Prize.
Dia penari balet dari Rusia."
Dia penari balet dari Rusia."
11:08
And I kind of grew up assuming
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Dan seiring saya beranjak dewasa,
saya berasumsi bahwa
saya berasumsi bahwa
11:12
everyone has some hidden,
amazing thing about them.
amazing thing about them.
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dalam diri setiap orang
tersembunyi sesuatu yang hebat.
tersembunyi sesuatu yang hebat.
11:15
And honestly, I think
it's what makes me a better host.
it's what makes me a better host.
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Dan mungkin karena itulah saya menjadi
pembawa acara yang lebih baik.
pembawa acara yang lebih baik.
11:19
I keep my mouth shut
as often as I possibly can,
as often as I possibly can,
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Saya menutup mulut sesering mungkin,
11:22
I keep my mind open,
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saya membuka pikiran,
11:23
and I'm always prepared to be amazed,
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dan saya selalu bersiap untuk kagum,
11:26
and I'm never disappointed.
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dan saya tidak pernah dikecewakan.
11:28
You do the same thing.
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Lakukanlah hal yang sama.
11:30
Go out, talk to people,
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Keluarlah, bicaralah dengan orang lain,
11:33
listen to people,
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dengarkan orang lain,
11:34
and, most importantly,
be prepared to be amazed.
be prepared to be amazed.
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dan yang paling penting,
bersiaplah untuk kagum.
bersiaplah untuk kagum.
11:38
Thanks.
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Terima kasih.
11:39
(Applause)
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(Tepuk tangan)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com