TEDxCreativeCoast
Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation
Celeste Headlee: 10 maneiras de ter unha conversación mellor
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Cando o seu traballo depende do ben que fale coa xente, aprende moito a como manter conversacións -e que a maioría de nós non conversamos moi ben. Celeste Headlee traballou de presentadora de radio durante décadas e coñece os ingredientes dunha boa conversación: honestidade, concisión, claridade e unha boa dose de escoita. Nesta iluminadora charla, comparte 10 regras útiles para ter mellores conversacións. "Saia, fale coa xente, escoite á xente", di ela. "E, o máis importante, prepárese para marabillarse”.
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio host
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Celeste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
All right, I want to see a show of hands:
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Ben, quero ver as mans arriba:
00:14
how many of you have
unfriended someone on Facebook
unfriended someone on Facebook
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Quen de vós eliminou a alguén de amigo
no Facebook
no Facebook
00:17
because they said something offensive
about politics or religion,
about politics or religion,
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porque dixo algo ofensivo
sobre política ou relixión,
sobre política ou relixión,
00:21
childcare, food?
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coidado infantil, comida?
00:23
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:25
And how many of you
know at least one person that you avoid
know at least one person that you avoid
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E cantos coñecen polo menos
unha persoa que evitan
unha persoa que evitan
00:28
because you just don't want
to talk to them?
to talk to them?
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porque simplemente
non queren falar con ela?
non queren falar con ela?
00:30
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:32
You know, it used to be that in order
to have a polite conversation,
to have a polite conversation,
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Xa saben que antes, para ter
unha conversa educada
unha conversa educada
00:36
we just had to follow the advice
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady":
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só tiñamos que seguir o consello
de Henry Higgins en "My Fair Lady":
de Henry Higgins en "My Fair Lady":
00:39
Stick to the weather and your health.
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Cínguirnos ao tempo e á saúde.
00:41
But these days, with climate change
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
and anti-vaxxing, those subjects --
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Pero agora, co cambio climático
e o movemento antivacinas, eses temas
e o movemento antivacinas, eses temas
00:44
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
00:46
are not safe either.
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non son seguros tampouco.
00:47
So this world that we live in,
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Así que este mundo no que vivimos,
00:50
this world in which every conversation
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este mundo no que cada conversación
00:53
has the potential
to devolve into an argument,
to devolve into an argument,
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ten o potencial de
converterse nunha rifa,
converterse nunha rifa,
00:55
where our politicians
can't speak to one another
can't speak to one another
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onde os políticos non poden
falar uns cos outros
falar uns cos outros
00:57
and where even the most trivial of issues
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e onde mesmo o máis
trivial dos asuntos
trivial dos asuntos
00:59
have someone fighting both passionately
for it and against it, it's not normal.
for it and against it, it's not normal.
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ten alguén que pelexa apaixonadamente
a favor e en contra, non é normal.
a favor e en contra, non é normal.
01:04
Pew Research did a study
of 10,000 American adults,
of 10,000 American adults,
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O estudo Pew fixo unha investigación
de 10 000 americanos adultos
de 10 000 americanos adultos
01:08
and they found that at this moment,
we are more polarized,
we are more polarized,
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e atoparon que neste momento,
estamos máis polarizados,
estamos máis polarizados,
01:10
we are more divided,
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estamos máis divididos
01:12
than we ever have been in history.
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do que nunca o estivemos na historia.
01:14
We're less likely to compromise,
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Menos predispostos ao compromiso
01:16
which means we're
not listening to each other.
not listening to each other.
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o que significa que non escoitamos
aos demais.
aos demais.
01:18
And we make decisions about where to live,
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E tomamos decisións sobre onde vivir,
01:21
who to marry and even
who our friends are going to be,
who our friends are going to be,
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con quen casar e mesmo
quen vai ser amigo noso,
quen vai ser amigo noso,
01:23
based on what we already believe.
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baseándonos no que xa cremos.
01:26
Again, that means
we're not listening to each other.
we're not listening to each other.
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Outra vez, iso significa que
non nos escoitamos.
non nos escoitamos.
01:29
A conversation requires a balance
between talking and listening,
between talking and listening,
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Unha conversa require un equilibrio
entre falar e escoitar,
entre falar e escoitar,
01:32
and somewhere along the way,
we lost that balance.
we lost that balance.
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e nalgún lugar do camiño,
perdemos ese equilibrio.
perdemos ese equilibrio.
01:35
Now, part of that is due to technology.
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Agora, parte diso débese á tecnoloxía.
01:37
The smartphones that you all
either have in your hands
either have in your hands
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Os teléfonos intelixentes que
teñen nas mans
teñen nas mans
01:39
or close enough that you could
grab them really quickly.
grab them really quickly.
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ou preto dabondo para collelos
rapidamente.
rapidamente.
01:42
According to Pew Research,
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Segundo o estudo Pew,
01:43
about a third of American teenagers
send more than a hundred texts a day.
send more than a hundred texts a day.
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sobre un terzo de rapaces americanos
envían máis dun cento de textos por día.
envían máis dun cento de textos por día.
01:48
And many of them, almost most of them,
are more likely to text their friends
are more likely to text their friends
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E moitos deles, case a maioría,
prefiren escribirlles aos amigos
prefiren escribirlles aos amigos
01:53
than they are to talk
to them face to face.
to them face to face.
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que falar con eles cara a cara.
01:56
There's this great piece in The Atlantic.
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Hai esta gran peza no Atlántico
01:58
It was written by a high school teacher
named Paul Barnwell.
named Paul Barnwell.
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escrita por un profesor de instituto
chamado Paul Barnwell.
chamado Paul Barnwell.
02:01
And he gave his kids
a communication project.
a communication project.
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Deulle aos seus estudantes
un proxecto de comunicación.
un proxecto de comunicación.
02:03
He wanted to teach them how to speak
on a specific subject without using notes.
on a specific subject without using notes.
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El quería ensinar como falar
dun determinado tema sen usar notas.
dun determinado tema sen usar notas.
02:06
And he said this: "I came to realize..."
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E dixo isto: "Deime conta..."
02:08
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
02:12
"I came to realize
that conversational competence
that conversational competence
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"Deime conta de que
a competencia conversacional
a competencia conversacional
02:15
might be the single
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
most overlooked skill we fail to teach.
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podería ser a competencia máis descoidada
na que fracasamos no ensino.
na que fracasamos no ensino.
02:19
Kids spend hours each day engaging
with ideas and each other through screens,
with ideas and each other through screens,
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Os rapaces invisten horas conectados
a ideas e entre eles nas pantallas,
a ideas e entre eles nas pantallas,
02:23
but rarely do they have an opportunity
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pero case nunca teñen oportunidade
02:25
to hone their interpersonal
communications skills.
communications skills.
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de mellorar as destrezas comunicativas
interpersoais.
interpersoais.
02:28
It might sound like a funny question,
but we have to ask ourselves:
but we have to ask ourselves:
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Pode parecer unha pregunta estraña,
pero temos que facérnola:
pero temos que facérnola:
02:31
Is there any 21st-century skill
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Hai algunha destreza do século XXI
02:33
more important than being able to sustain
coherent, confident conversation?"
coherent, confident conversation?"
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máis importante que a de poder manter
conversas coherentes e eficaces?"
conversas coherentes e eficaces?"
02:39
Now, I make my living talking to people:
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Agora, eu dedícome a falar coa xente:
02:41
Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers,
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gañadores do Nobel, condutores
de camións,
de camións,
02:43
billionaires, kindergarten teachers,
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millonarios, profesores de preescolar,
02:46
heads of state, plumbers.
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xefes de estado, fontaneiros.
02:48
I talk to people that I like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
I talk to people that I don't like.
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Falo con xente que me gusta.
Falo con xente que non me gusta.
Falo con xente que non me gusta.
02:51
I talk to some people that I disagree with
deeply on a personal level.
deeply on a personal level.
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Falo con algunha persoa coa que discrepo
profundamente nun plano persoal.
profundamente nun plano persoal.
02:55
But I still have
a great conversation with them.
a great conversation with them.
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Pero teño unha conversa
estupenda con eles.
estupenda con eles.
02:58
So I'd like to spend the next 10 minutes
or so teaching you how to talk
or so teaching you how to talk
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Así que me gustaría pasar os próximos
10 minutos ensinándolles a falar
10 minutos ensinándolles a falar
03:02
and how to listen.
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e a escoitar.
03:04
Many of you have already heard
a lot of advice on this,
a lot of advice on this,
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Moitos de vostedes xa oíron
moitos consellos sobre isto,
moitos consellos sobre isto,
03:07
things like look the person in the eye,
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cousas como mirar a persoa aos ollos,
03:09
think of interesting topics
to discuss in advance,
to discuss in advance,
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pensar previamente en
temas interesantes para comentar,
temas interesantes para comentar,
03:13
look, nod and smile to show
that you're paying attention,
that you're paying attention,
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mirar, asentir e sorrir para mostrar
que estamos poñendo atención,
que estamos poñendo atención,
03:18
repeat back what you just heard
or summarize it.
or summarize it.
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repetir o que acabamos de escoitar
ou resumilo.
ou resumilo.
03:21
So I want you to forget all of that.
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Ben, eu quero que esquezan todo iso.
03:22
It is crap.
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Iso son parvadas!
03:24
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
03:27
There is no reason to learn
how to show you're paying attention
how to show you're paying attention
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Non hai razóns para aprender a amosar
que poñemos atención
que poñemos atención
03:31
if you are in fact paying attention.
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se, efectivamente, estamos
a poñer atención.
a poñer atención.
03:35
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
03:36
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
03:39
Now, I actually use the exact
same skills as a professional interviewer
same skills as a professional interviewer
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Agora, eu uso as mesmas destrezas
no meu traballo de entrevistadora
no meu traballo de entrevistadora
03:43
that I do in regular life.
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e na miña vida normal.
03:46
So, I'm going to teach you
how to interview people,
how to interview people,
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Así que vou ensinarlles
a entrevistar xente,
a entrevistar xente,
03:49
and that's actually going to help you
learn how to be better conversationalists.
learn how to be better conversationalists.
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e a que isto lles axude realmente a
aprender a ser mellores conversadores.
aprender a ser mellores conversadores.
03:53
Learn to have a conversation
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Aprender a ter unha conversa
03:55
without wasting your time,
without getting bored,
without getting bored,
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sen perder o tempo, sen aburrirse.
03:57
and, please God,
without offending anybody.
without offending anybody.
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E, por amor de Deus,
sen ofender a ninguén.
sen ofender a ninguén.
04:00
We've all had really great conversations.
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Todos tivemos abofé grandes conversas.
04:03
We've had them before.
We know what it's like.
We know what it's like.
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Tivémolas antes. Sabemos como é.
04:05
The kind of conversation where you
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
walk away feeling engaged and inspired,
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O tipo de conversa da que saen
sentíndose conectados e inspirados,
sentíndose conectados e inspirados,
04:09
or where you feel
like you've made a real connection
like you've made a real connection
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ou na que senten coma se
fixeran unha conexión real
fixeran unha conexión real
04:11
or you've been perfectly understood.
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ou foran perfectamente
comprendidos.
comprendidos.
04:13
There is no reason
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Non hai ningunha razón
04:14
why most of your interactions
can't be like that.
can't be like that.
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pola que a maioría das interaccións
non poden ser así.
non poden ser así.
04:18
So I have 10 basic rules.
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
I'm going to walk you through all of them,
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Así que eu teño 10 regras básicas.
Vounos levar a través delas,
Vounos levar a través delas,
04:21
but honestly, if you just choose
one of them and master it,
one of them and master it,
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pero, honestamente, se só elixen
unha delas e a dominan
unha delas e a dominan
04:25
you'll already enjoy better conversations.
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xa gozarán de conversas mellores.
04:27
Number one: Don't multitask.
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Número un:
Non fagan varias cousas á vez.
Non fagan varias cousas á vez.
04:30
And I don't mean
just set down your cell phone
just set down your cell phone
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E non quero dicir só pousar o móbil,
04:32
or your tablet or your car keys
or whatever is in your hand.
or whatever is in your hand.
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a tableta, as chaves do coche
ou o que teñan na man.
ou o que teñan na man.
04:35
I mean, be present.
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Quero dicir, estean presentes.
04:37
Be in that moment.
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Estean nese momento.
04:39
Don't think about your argument
you had with your boss.
you had with your boss.
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Non pensen na rifa
que tiveron co xefe.
que tiveron co xefe.
04:42
Don't think about what
you're going to have for dinner.
you're going to have for dinner.
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Non pensen no que van cear.
04:44
If you want to get out
of the conversation,
of the conversation,
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Se queren saír da conversación
04:46
get out of the conversation,
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saian da conversación,
04:48
but don't be half in it
and half out of it.
and half out of it.
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pero non estean cun pé dentro
e cun pé fóra.
e cun pé fóra.
04:50
Number two: Don't pontificate.
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Número dous: Non pontifiquen.
04:52
If you want to state your opinion
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Se queren manifestar a súa opinión
04:55
without any opportunity for response
or argument or pushback or growth,
or argument or pushback or growth,
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sen dar ocasión a respostar
ou argüír ou rectificar ou ampliar
ou argüír ou rectificar ou ampliar
05:01
write a blog.
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escriban un blogue.
05:02
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
05:05
Now, there's a really good reason
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
why I don't allow pundits on my show:
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Hai unha boa razón para non permitir
expertos no meu show:
expertos no meu show:
05:09
Because they're really boring.
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son moi aburridos.
05:10
If they're conservative, they're going to
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
hate Obama and food stamps and abortion.
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Se son conservadores, odiarán a Obama
e os bonos de comida e o aborto.
e os bonos de comida e o aborto.
05:14
If they're liberal, they're going to hate
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Se son liberais, van odiar
05:16
big banks and oil corporations
and Dick Cheney.
and Dick Cheney.
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os bancos, as petroleiras e a Dick Cheney.
05:18
Totally predictable.
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Totalmente predicible.
05:20
And you don't want to be like that.
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E vostedes non queren ser así.
05:21
You need to enter every conversation
assuming that you have something to learn.
assuming that you have something to learn.
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Teñen que entrar en cada conversa
asumindo que hai algo que aprender.
asumindo que hai algo que aprender.
05:27
The famed therapist M. Scott Peck said
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O famoso terapeuta M. Scott Peck dixo
05:29
that true listening requires
a setting aside of oneself.
a setting aside of oneself.
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que a verdadeira escoita require
poñerse á parte un mesmo.
poñerse á parte un mesmo.
05:34
And sometimes that means
setting aside your personal opinion.
setting aside your personal opinion.
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E ás veces iso significa deixar
á parte a opinión persoal.
á parte a opinión persoal.
05:38
He said that sensing this acceptance,
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Dixo que ao sentir esta aceptación,
05:41
the speaker will become
less and less vulnerable
less and less vulnerable
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quen fala farase menos e
menos vulnerable
menos vulnerable
05:43
and more and more likely
to open up the inner recesses
to open up the inner recesses
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e máis e máis susceptible de abrir
os recunchos interiores
os recunchos interiores
05:46
of his or her mind to the listener.
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da súa mente á persoa
que escoita.
que escoita.
05:49
Again, assume that you have
something to learn.
something to learn.
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Outra vez, asumir que teñen
algo que aprender.
algo que aprender.
05:52
Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever meet
knows something that you don't."
knows something that you don't."
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Bill Nye: "Toda persoa sabe algo que
vostedes non saben".
vostedes non saben".
05:57
I put it this way:
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Eu dígoo deste xeito:
05:58
Everybody is an expert in something.
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Todo o mundo é un experto en algo.
06:03
Number three: Use open-ended questions.
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Número tres: Use preguntas abertas.
06:06
In this case, take a cue from journalists.
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Neste caso, colla ideas nos xornalistas.
06:08
Start your questions with who,
what, when, where, why or how.
what, when, where, why or how.
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Comece as preguntas con quen, que,
cando, onde, por que ou como.
cando, onde, por que ou como.
06:11
If you put in a complicated question,
you're going to get a simple answer out.
you're going to get a simple answer out.
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Se fan unha pregunta complexa,
van ter unha resposta simple.
van ter unha resposta simple.
06:14
If I ask you, "Were you terrified?"
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Se lles pregunto: "Tiveron medo?"
06:17
you're going to respond to the most
powerful word in that sentence,
powerful word in that sentence,
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Van responderlle á palabra máis
poderosa da pregunta,
poderosa da pregunta,
06:20
which is "terrified," and the answer is
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
"Yes, I was" or "No, I wasn't."
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"medo", e a resposta é
"si, tivemos" ou "non, non tivemos".
"si, tivemos" ou "non, non tivemos".
06:23
"Were you angry?" "Yes, I was very angry."
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"Estaban anoxados?"
"Si, moi anoxados".
"Si, moi anoxados".
06:25
Let them describe it.
They're the ones that know.
They're the ones that know.
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Deixen que o describan.
Eles son os que saben.
Eles son os que saben.
06:28
Try asking them things like,
"What was that like?"
"What was that like?"
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Intenten preguntar cousas como
"Como foi?"
"Como foi?"
06:31
"How did that feel?"
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"Que se sentiu?"
06:33
Because then they might have to stop
for a moment and think about it,
for a moment and think about it,
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Porque eles van ter que parar
un momento e pensar niso,
un momento e pensar niso,
06:37
and you're going to get
a much more interesting response.
a much more interesting response.
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e van conseguir unha resposta
moito máis interesante.
moito máis interesante.
06:40
Number four: Go with the flow.
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Número catro: Vaian co fluxo.
06:43
That means thoughts
will come into your mind
will come into your mind
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Isto significa que os pensamentos
chegarán á súa mente
chegarán á súa mente
06:46
and you need to let them
go out of your mind.
go out of your mind.
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e terán que deixalos saír dela.
06:49
We've heard interviews often
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A miúdo escoitamos entrevistas
06:51
in which a guest is talking
for several minutes
for several minutes
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nas que un convidado fala
durante varios minutos
durante varios minutos
06:54
and then the host comes back in
and asks a question
and asks a question
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e despois o anfitrión fai unha pregunta
06:56
which seems like it comes out of nowhere,
or it's already been answered.
or it's already been answered.
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que parece coma se saíse da nada,
ou que xa foi contestada.
ou que xa foi contestada.
07:00
That means the host probably
stopped listening two minutes ago
stopped listening two minutes ago
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Probablemente o anfitrión non escoitou
os últimos minutos
os últimos minutos
07:02
because he thought
of this really clever question,
of this really clever question,
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porque pensou nesta
pregunta tan intelixente
pregunta tan intelixente
07:06
and he was just bound
and determined to say that.
and determined to say that.
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e estaba decidido a formular.
07:09
And we do the exact same thing.
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E nós facemos exactamente o mesmo.
07:11
We're sitting there having
a conversation with someone,
a conversation with someone,
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Estamos sentados tendo
unha conversación con alguén,
unha conversación con alguén,
07:14
and then we remember that time
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
that we met Hugh Jackman in a coffee shop.
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e lembramos cando coñecimos
a Hugh Jackman nun café.
a Hugh Jackman nun café.
07:17
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
07:18
And we stop listening.
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E paramos de escoitar.
07:20
Stories and ideas
are going to come to you.
are going to come to you.
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Chéganlles historias e ideas.
07:22
You need to let them come and let them go.
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Precisan deixalas ir e vir.
07:26
Number five: If you don't know,
say that you don't know.
say that you don't know.
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Número cinco: Se non saben,
digan que non saben.
digan que non saben.
07:30
Now, people on the radio,
especially on NPR,
especially on NPR,
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Ben, a xente da radio,
especialmente da RPN,
especialmente da RPN,
07:33
are much more aware
that they're going on the record,
that they're going on the record,
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é moito máis consciente
de que vai ser gravada.
de que vai ser gravada.
07:36
and so they're more careful
about what they claim to be an expert in
about what they claim to be an expert in
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Por iso ten máis coidado
con aquelo do que di ser experta
con aquelo do que di ser experta
07:39
and what they claim to know for sure.
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e saber con certeza.
07:41
Do that. Err on the side of caution.
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Fágano. Erren polo lado da prudencia.
07:44
Talk should not be cheap.
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Falar non debería ser barato.
07:46
Number six: Don't equate
your experience with theirs.
your experience with theirs.
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Número seis: Non igualen a súa
experiencia coa deles.
experiencia coa deles.
07:51
If they're talking
about having lost a family member,
about having lost a family member,
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Se están falando sobre
a perda dun membro da familia,
a perda dun membro da familia,
07:54
don't start talking about the time
you lost a family member.
you lost a family member.
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non vaian a falar de cando viviron
vostedes tamén unha perda.
vostedes tamén unha perda.
07:56
If they're talking about the trouble
they're having at work,
they're having at work,
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Se falan sobre os problemas
que teñen no traballo,
que teñen no traballo,
07:59
don't tell them about
how much you hate your job.
how much you hate your job.
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non lles digan o que odian o seu.
08:02
It's not the same. It is never the same.
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Non é o mesmo. Nunca é o mesmo.
08:04
All experiences are individual.
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Todas as experiencias son únicas.
08:05
And, more importantly,
it is not about you.
it is not about you.
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E, o máis importante, non se trata
de vostedes.
de vostedes.
08:09
You don't need to take that moment
to prove how amazing you are
to prove how amazing you are
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Non deben aproveitar o momento
para probar o formidables que son
para probar o formidables que son
08:13
or how much you've suffered.
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ou o do moito que sofreron.
08:15
Somebody asked Stephen Hawking once
what his IQ was, and he said,
what his IQ was, and he said,
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Alguén lle preguntou a Stephen Hawking
cal era o seu CI. E dixo:
cal era o seu CI. E dixo:
08:18
"I have no idea. People who brag
about their IQs are losers."
about their IQs are losers."
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"Nin idea. As persoas que se gaban
do seu CI son perdedoras".
do seu CI son perdedoras".
08:21
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
08:23
Conversations are not
a promotional opportunity.
a promotional opportunity.
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As conversacións non son unha
oportunidade para a promoción.
oportunidade para a promoción.
08:28
Number seven:
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Número sete:
08:31
Try not to repeat yourself.
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Intenten non repetirse.
08:32
It's condescending,
and it's really boring,
and it's really boring,
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É condescendente e moi aburrido.
08:35
and we tend to do it a lot.
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Tendemos a facelo moito.
08:36
Especially in work conversations
or in conversations with our kids,
or in conversations with our kids,
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Especialmente en conversacións
no traballo ou cos nosos fillos,
no traballo ou cos nosos fillos,
08:40
we have a point to make,
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temos cousas que sinalar.
08:42
so we just keep rephrasing it
over and over.
over and over.
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Por iso reformulamos unha e
outra vez.
outra vez.
08:45
Don't do that.
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Non o fagan.
08:46
Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.
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Número 8: Eviten as malas herbas.
08:49
Frankly, people don't care
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Francamente, á xente
non lle importan
non lle importan
08:52
about the years, the names,
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os anos, os nomes,
08:54
the dates, all those details
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as datas, todos eses detalles
08:56
that you're struggling
to come up with in your mind.
to come up with in your mind.
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cos que estás loitando na túa mente.
08:59
They don't care.
What they care about is you.
What they care about is you.
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Non lle importan.
O que lle importa é vostede.
O que lle importa é vostede.
09:01
They care about what you're like,
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Impórtalle como é vostede
09:04
what you have in common.
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ou o que teñen en común.
09:05
So forget the details. Leave them out.
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Así que esquezan os detalles.
Déixenos fóra.
Déixenos fóra.
09:08
Number nine:
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Número nove:
09:10
This is not the last one,
but it is the most important one.
but it is the most important one.
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Este non é o último,
mais é o máis importante.
mais é o máis importante.
09:13
Listen.
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Escoiten.
09:14
I cannot tell you how many
really important people have said
really important people have said
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Non podo dicirlles canta
xente importante dixo
xente importante dixo
09:18
that listening is perhaps the most,
the number one most important skill
the number one most important skill
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que escoitar é quizais a destreza
máis importante
máis importante
09:22
that you could develop.
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que podedes desenvolver.
09:23
Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing,
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Buda dixo, e estou a parafrasear:
09:25
"If your mouth is open,
you're not learning."
you're not learning."
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"Se a túa boca está aberta,
non estás aprendendo".
non estás aprendendo".
09:28
And Calvin Coolidge said, "No man
ever listened his way out of a job."
ever listened his way out of a job."
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E Calvin Coolidge dixo: "Ningún home
escoitou a súa saída do traballo".
escoitou a súa saída do traballo".
09:32
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
09:34
Why do we not listen to each other?
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Por que non nos escoitamos
uns aos outros?
uns aos outros?
09:36
Number one, we'd rather talk.
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Número un: preferimos falar.
09:39
When I'm talking, I'm in control.
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Cando falo, estou ao mando.
09:41
I don't have to hear anything
I'm not interested in.
I'm not interested in.
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Non teño que escoitar nada
que non me interese.
que non me interese.
09:43
I'm the center of attention.
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Son o centro de atención.
09:45
I can bolster my own identity.
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Estou reforzando a miña identidade.
09:47
But there's another reason:
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Pero hai outra razón:
09:48
We get distracted.
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Distraémonos.
09:50
The average person talks
at about 225 word per minute,
at about 225 word per minute,
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A media do tempo que fala
unha persoa é de 225 palabras por minuto,
unha persoa é de 225 palabras por minuto,
09:53
but we can listen at up to
500 words per minute.
500 words per minute.
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pero podemos escoitar máis de
500 palabras por minuto.
500 palabras por minuto.
09:57
So our minds are filling in
those other 275 words.
those other 275 words.
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Así que as nosas mentes están
enchéndose desas outras 275 palabras.
enchéndose desas outras 275 palabras.
10:01
And look, I know,
it takes effort and energy
it takes effort and energy
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E miren, sei que leva esforzo
e enerxía
e enerxía
10:05
to actually pay attention to someone,
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prestarlle atención a alguén
10:07
but if you can't do that,
you're not in a conversation.
you're not in a conversation.
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pero se non poden facelo,
non están a conversar.
non están a conversar.
10:10
You're just two people shouting out
barely related sentences
barely related sentences
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Trátase só de dúas persoas berrando
frases pouco relacionadas
frases pouco relacionadas
10:13
in the same place.
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no mesmo lugar.
10:14
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
10:16
You have to listen to one another.
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Teñen que escoitarse
uns aos outros.
uns aos outros.
10:19
Stephen Covey said it very beautifully.
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Stephen Covey díxoo dun xeito
fermoso.
fermoso.
10:20
He said, "Most of us don't listen
with the intent to understand.
with the intent to understand.
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Dixo: "A maioría de nós non escoita
coa intención de entender.
coa intención de entender.
10:24
We listen with the intent to reply."
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Escoitamos coa intención
de contestar".
de contestar".
10:28
One more rule, number 10,
and it's this one: Be brief.
and it's this one: Be brief.
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Unha regra máis, a número 10,
e é esta: Sexan breves.
e é esta: Sexan breves.
10:32
[A good conversation is like a miniskirt;
short enough to retain interest,
short enough to retain interest,
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[Unha boa conversa é coma unha minisaia;
curta para xerar interese,
curta para xerar interese,
10:36
but long enough to cover
the subject. -- My Sister]
the subject. -- My Sister]
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pero longa para cubrir o tema.
-A miña irmá]
-A miña irmá]
10:38
(Laughter)
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(Risos)
10:40
(Applause)
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(Aplauso)
10:42
All of this boils down to the same
basic concept, and it is this one:
basic concept, and it is this one:
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Todos estes puntos van ao mesmo
concepto básico:
concepto básico:
10:47
Be interested in other people.
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Mostren interese polas outras persoas.
10:50
You know, I grew up
with a very famous grandfather,
with a very famous grandfather,
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Eu medrei cun avó moi famoso,
10:52
and there was kind of a ritual in my home.
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e había unha especie de
ritual na casa.
ritual na casa.
10:54
People would come over
to talk to my grandparents,
to talk to my grandparents,
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A xente viña á casa a falar cos meus avós
10:57
and after they would leave,
my mother would come over to us,
my mother would come over to us,
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e despois de marchar, a miña nai
achegábase a nós,
achegábase a nós,
11:00
and she'd say, "Do you know who that was?
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e dicía: "Sabedes quen era?
11:02
She was the runner-up to Miss America.
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A primeira dama de honor de América.
11:03
He was the mayor of Sacramento.
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Era o alcalde de Sacramento.
11:05
She won a Pulitzer Prize.
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
He's a Russian ballet dancer."
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Gañou un premio Pulitzer.
É un bailarín do ballet ruso".
É un bailarín do ballet ruso".
11:08
And I kind of grew up assuming
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E medrei asumindo
11:12
everyone has some hidden,
amazing thing about them.
amazing thing about them.
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que todo o mundo tiña algo
marabilloso oculto.
marabilloso oculto.
11:15
And honestly, I think
it's what makes me a better host.
it's what makes me a better host.
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Creo que é o que me fai ser
mellor entrevistadora.
mellor entrevistadora.
11:19
I keep my mouth shut
as often as I possibly can,
as often as I possibly can,
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Teño a boca pechada sempre que
me é posible,
me é posible,
11:22
I keep my mind open,
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teño a mente aberta
11:23
and I'm always prepared to be amazed,
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e sempre estou preparada
para marabillarme
para marabillarme
11:26
and I'm never disappointed.
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e nunca quedo decepcionada.
11:28
You do the same thing.
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Fagan o mesmo.
11:30
Go out, talk to people,
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Saian, falen coa xente,
11:33
listen to people,
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escoiten a xente,
11:34
and, most importantly,
be prepared to be amazed.
be prepared to be amazed.
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e, o máis importante,
prepárense para marabillarse.
prepárense para marabillarse.
11:38
Thanks.
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Grazas.
11:39
(Applause)
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(Aplauso)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Celeste Headlee - Writer and radio hostCeleste Headlee's years of interview experience give her a unique perspective on what makes for a good conversation.
Why you should listen
Celeste Headlee hosts a daily news/talk show, On Second Thought, on Georgia Public Broadcasting.
Headlee has worked in public radio since 1999, as a reporter, host and correspondent. She was the Midwest Correspondent for NPR before becoming the co-host of the PRI show "The Takeaway.” After that, she guest hosted a number of NPR shows including "Tell Me More,” "Talk of the Nation,” "Weekend All Things Considered” and "Weekend Edition". Headlee also anchored election coverage for PBS World in 2012 and was a regular guest on CNN.
Headlee holds multiple degrees in music and still performs as a professional opera singer. She appears on the album “Classically Blue” from gospel artist Lea Gilmore. She's the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still.
Celeste Headlee | Speaker | TED.com