Guy Winch: How to fix a broken heart
غاي وينش: كيف تعالجُ قلبًا محطمًا
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
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will have our heart broken.
من انكسار القلب.
when she was in middle school.
عندما كانت في المدرسة الإعدادية.
she didn't find a husband.
لم تجد زوجًا.
of harsh chemotherapy
من العلاج الكيماوي القاسي
to jump back into the dating world,
في عالم المواعدة من جديد،
her search for a husband
on first dates in New York City,
في مدينة نيويورك،
a wide range of emotions.
عن مدى واسع من المشاعر.
she met Rich and fell in love.
ووقعت في حبه.
she hoped it would be.
at their favorite romantic restaurant.
في مطعمها الرومانسي المفضل.
contain her excitement.
to Kathy that night.
for Kathy -- and he did --
وكان كذلك فعلًا،
and she now faced yet another recovery.
thinking about Rich.
and determined woman
القوية بشكل لا يصدق
emotional resources
نفس المصادر العاطفية
of cancer treatments?
من علاجات السرطان؟
to recover from heartbreak?
of life challenges
when our heart gets broken?
عندما تتحطم قلوبنا؟
of every age and background
التي تعتمدُ عليها عادةً
down the wrong path.
إلى المسار الخاطىء.
what your mind is telling you.
بما يقوله عقلك لك.
of heartbroken people
للأشخاص المحطمة قلوبهم
of why the relationship ended
حول سبب انتهاء العلاقة
for our ability to move on.
على المضي قدمًا.
and honest explanation
such dramatic emotional pain,
must be equally dramatic.
يجبُ أن يكون حادًا بالتساوي.
and measured of us
and conspiracy theories
something must have happened
with figuring out what that was.
ماذا كان هذا الشيء.
of that weekend in her mind,
نهاية الأسبوع ذلك في عقلها،
that were not there.
into initiating this wild goose chase.
هذه الحملة الميئوس منها.
for so many months?
بهذه الحالة لأشهر طويلة جدًا؟
than we realize.
down one rabbit hole after another,
في حفرة تلو الأخرى،
to make us feel worse.
in our brain that get activated
التي يحصلُ تفعيلها
from substances like cocaine or opioids.
كمخدر الكوكايين والأفيون.
the heroin of actually being with Rich,
على الهرويين لتكون مع ريتش في الواقع،
the methadone of her memories with him.
لذكرياتها معه.
she was trying to solve a mystery,
so difficult to heal.
صعبًا للغاية.
you cannot ignore that.
as compelling as the urge is,
every text you send,
كل نص حرفي ترسلونه،
stalking your ex on social media,
في وسائل التواصل الاجتماعي،
is your strongest weapon.
that's going to feel satisfying.
سيجعلكم تشعرون بالرضا.
the pain you feel.
الذي تشعرون به.
don't wait for one,
ولا تنتظروا مبررًا،
or make up one yourself
أو اصنعوا واحدًا
to resist the addiction.
لمقاومة الإدمان.
will feed on your hope
when your heart is broken.
عندما تتحطم قلوبكم.
to do the absolute opposite
تقوم تمامًا بما هو عكس
we have when our heart is broken
عندما يتمُ تحطيم قلوبنا
الذي حطّم قلبنا مثاليًا.
and made love under the stars.
ومارسنا الحب تحت النجوم.
feel more painful.
through one greatest hit after another,
لأكثر لحظاتنا جمالا،
passive-aggressive Spotify playlist.
لأغانينا السلبية والعدوانية على سبوتيفاي.
pop into your mind.
تدخل بسرعة لعقولكم.
you have to balance them out
not just their smile,
you got lost coming down the mountain,
ضعتم وأنتم نازلون من الجبل،
and didn't speak for two days.
is to compile an exhaustive list
the person was wrong for you,
على خطأ معكم،
وجميع التصرفات الأكثر إزعاجًا،
of nostalgia in a session,
they were perfect.
and neither was the relationship.
ولا العلاقة أيضًا.
you have to remind yourself of that,
عليكم تذكير أنفسكم بذلك،
senior executive in a software company.
وكبير التنفيذيين في شركة برمجيات.
to start dating again.
في المواعدة مجددًا.
to their adult children after one month,
لأولادهم الكبار بعد شهر،
they don't mess around.
لا يعبثوا هنا وهناك.
meets "The Fast and the Furious."
سلسلة أفلام "السرعة والغضب".
than he had been in years.
مما كان عليه منذ سنوات.
their first anniversary,
للذكرى الأولى لتعارفهما.
to be closer to her children,
لتكون قريبة من أولادها،
a long-distance relationship.
and utterly devastated.
for many, many months,
لعدة شهور،
is that feeling alone and in pain
هي أن الشعور بالوحدة والألم
our intellectual functioning,
involving logic and reasoning.
تتضمن العقلانية والمنطق.
of Miguel's grief
he asked me in our session.
getting over a one-year relationship?"
يحاولون نسيان علاقة استمرت عاما واحدا؟"
of traditional loss and grief:
للفقدان التقليدي والحزن،
clinically measurable depression.
حالة كآبة قابلة للقياس سريريًا.
psychological injury.
with other couples.
بصحبة أزواج آخرين
to church every Sunday,
into the congregation.
of Sharon's church.
had left this huge void in his life,
ترك فراغًا كبيرًا في حياته.
why heartbreak could be so devastating,
أن يكون تحطم القلب مدمرًا للغاية
in your life and fill them,
and what your life is about.
وما الذي تدور حياتكم حوله.
even the empty spaces on the wall
على جدرانكم
that can set you back,
التي يمكنُ أن ترجعكم إلى الوراء،
on how they were wrong for you,
حول كيف كانوا يتصرفون معكم بطريقة خاطئة،
that still give them a starring role
التي لا تزالُ تعطيهم دور البطولة
by your mind and you take steps to heal,
وأخذتم خطوات من أجل التعافي،
your suffering.
who benefit from that.
of compromised productivity
لتسوية الإنتاجية
ممن تحطمت قلوبهم،
to be important for their recovery.
من أجل تعافيهم.
to move on than you think it should.
للمضي قدمًا أكثر مما كنتم تعتقدون.
within your own mind,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Guy Winch - Psychologist, authorGuy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches.
Why you should listen
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families. As an advocate for psychological health, he has spent the last two decades adapting the findings of scientific studies into tools his patients, readers and audience members can use to enhance and maintain their mental health. As an identical twin with a keen eye for any signs of favoritism, he believes we need to practice emotional hygiene with the same diligence with which we practice personal and dental hygiene.
His recent book, Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, has been translated in 24 languages. He writes the popular "Squeaky Wheel Blog" on PsychologyToday.com, and he is the author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem. His new book, How to Fix a Broken Heart, was published by TED Books/Simon & Schuster in 2017. He has also dabbled in stand-up comedy.
Guy Winch | Speaker | TED.com