Guy Winch: How to fix a broken heart
Guy Winch: Cómo superar una ruptura amorosa
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
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will have our heart broken.
por una ruptura amorosa.
when she was in middle school.
estando en la escuela secundaria.
a los 27 años,
she didn't find a husband.
no encontró un marido,
of harsh chemotherapy
crueles sesiones de quimioterapia
to jump back into the dating world,
volver a buscar pareja,
por lo mismo, otra vez.
her search for a husband
la búsqueda de un marido
on first dates in New York City,
su primera cita en Nueva York,
a wide range of emotions.
una amplia variedad de emociones.
she met Rich and fell in love.
a Rich y se enamoró.
she hoped it would be.
fin de semana en Nueva Inglaterra,
at their favorite romantic restaurant.
romántico, el favorito de ambos.
le propondría matrimonio,
contain her excitement.
to Kathy that night.
matrimonio esa noche.
for Kathy -- and he did --
—lo cual era innegable—
and she now faced yet another recovery.
debía enfrentar otra recuperación.
thinking about Rich.
and determined woman
tan increíblemente fuerte y decidida
emotional resources
los mismos recursos emocionales
of cancer treatments?
de tratamientos para el cáncer?
to recover from heartbreak?
de una decepción amorosa?
mecanismos de defensa
of life challenges
todo tipo de desafíos en la vida
when our heart gets broken?
atravesamos una ruptura amorosa?
de práctica a nivel privado,
of every age and background
y extracciones sociales
una ruptura sentimental,
en los que siempre confiamos
down the wrong path.
equivocado una y otra vez.
what your mind is telling you.
en lo que la mente nos dice.
con personas
of heartbroken people
of why the relationship ended
por qué ha terminado la relación.
for our ability to move on.
and honest explanation
una explicación simple y honesta
such dramatic emotional pain,
un dolor emocional tan dramático,
que la causa debe de ser
must be equally dramatic.
and measured of us
más razonables y mesuradas
and conspiracy theories
y teorías conspirativas
something must have happened
debió haber ocurrido
with figuring out what that was.
de averiguar qué había pasado.
of that weekend in her mind,
de aquel fin de semana,
that were not there.
alguna clave... que no existía.
into initiating this wild goose chase.
lanzándola a una búsqueda infructuosa.
for so many months?
durante tantos meses?
than we realize.
insidiosa de lo que creemos.
down one rabbit hole after another,
nos empecinamos
to make us feel worse.
sentiremos peor.
del amor romántico
in our brain that get activated
mecanismos que los de un adicto
from substances like cocaine or opioids.
como la cocaína o los opiáceos.
un período de abstinencia.
the heroin of actually being with Rich,
de estar realmente con Rich,
the methadone of her memories with him.
de los recuerdos vividos con él.
she was trying to solve a mystery,
de resolver un misterio,
so difficult to heal.
ruptura amorosa es tan difícil.
una decepción amorosa, no.
you cannot ignore that.
no lo podemos ignorar.
as compelling as the urge is,
imperiosa que sea la necesidad,
every text you send,
con cada texto enviado,
stalking your ex on social media,
en espiar al ex en redes sociales,
no es un viaje.
is your strongest weapon.
son las mejores armas.
that's going to feel satisfying.
que nos conforme.
the pain you feel.
suprimir el dolor que sentimos.
don't wait for one,
una explicación, no esperemos una,
or make up one yourself
nos dan o fabriquemos otra
to resist the addiction.
para resistir a la adicción.
will feed on your hope
nuestra mente de esperanzas
increíblemente destructiva
when your heart is broken.
una experta manipuladora.
to do the absolute opposite
nuestra mente
a lo que necesitamos para recuperarnos
we have when our heart is broken
en una ruptura amorosa
and made love under the stars.
e hicimos el amor bajo las estrellas.
feel more painful.
profundizar el dolor de la pérdida.
through one greatest hit after another,
pasar de un éxito a otro,
passive-aggressive Spotify playlist.
pasivo-agresiva de Spotify.
pop into your mind.
por esos pensamientos.
you have to balance them out
debemos lograr un equilibrio
not just their smile,
—no solo su sonrisa—
you got lost coming down the mountain,
en la montaña después de hacer el amor,
and didn't speak for two days.
no nos hablamos por dos días.
is to compile an exhaustive list
es que hagan una lista detallada
the person was wrong for you,
se portó mal con nosotros,
de todas sus manías,
motivo para idealizar a la otra persona,
of nostalgia in a session,
durante una sesión,
they were perfect.
que la otra persona era perfecta.
and neither was the relationship.
lo era la relación.
you have to remind yourself of that,
debemos recordarlo
inmune a una ruptura amorosa.
senior executive in a software company.
era un ejecutivo de alto rango
de la muerte de su esposa,
to start dating again.
para otra relación.
to their adult children after one month,
ante los hijos adultos de cada uno,
decidieron vivir juntos.
they don't mess around.
una relación, no pierde el tiempo.
meets "The Fast and the Furious."
se encontrara con "Rápido y furioso".
than he had been in years.
que no sentía hacía años.
their first anniversary,
al primer aniversario,
to be closer to her children,
para estar más cerca de sus hijos,
a long-distance relationship.
a la distancia.
and utterly devastated.
por sorpresa, profundamente devastado.
for many, many months,
durante varios meses,
por ese motivo.
is that feeling alone and in pain
es que la soledad y el dolor
our intellectual functioning,
nuestro funcionamiento intelectual,
involving logic and reasoning.
de lógica y razonamiento.
el coeficiente intelectual.
of Miguel's grief
la intensidad del dolor
he asked me in our session.
me preguntaba durante la sesión.
getting over a one-year relationship?"
una relación de un año?"
of traditional loss and grief:
comparten los síntomas típicos
clinically measurable depression.
una depresión de manifestación clínica.
psychological injury.
un daño psicológico complejo
era muy sociable y muy activa.
cenas en su casa.
with other couples.
con otras parejas.
to church every Sunday,
los domingos a la iglesia,
into the congregation.
recibía gustosamente.
of Sharon's church.
de la iglesia de Sharon.
had left this huge void in his life,
este inmenso vacío en su vida,
why heartbreak could be so devastating,
una ruptura amorosa
in your life and fill them,
en la vida y llenarlos,
and what your life is about.
y qué queremos de nuestra vida.
even the empty spaces on the wall
los espacios vacíos en la pared
that can set you back,
que pueden llevarnos al punto de partida,
on how they were wrong for you,
en lugar de recordar sus errores,
that still give them a starring role
en un rol protagónico
by your mind and you take steps to heal,
engañar por la mente
your suffering.
significativamente.
who benefit from that.
of compromised productivity
de dólares que ahorraríamos
la productividad se vio comprometida.
que esté atravesando una ruptura
to be important for their recovery.
para la recuperación.
to move on than you think it should.
within your own mind,
dentro de la propia mente,
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Guy Winch - Psychologist, authorGuy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches.
Why you should listen
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families. As an advocate for psychological health, he has spent the last two decades adapting the findings of scientific studies into tools his patients, readers and audience members can use to enhance and maintain their mental health. As an identical twin with a keen eye for any signs of favoritism, he believes we need to practice emotional hygiene with the same diligence with which we practice personal and dental hygiene.
His recent book, Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, has been translated in 24 languages. He writes the popular "Squeaky Wheel Blog" on PsychologyToday.com, and he is the author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem. His new book, How to Fix a Broken Heart, was published by TED Books/Simon & Schuster in 2017. He has also dabbled in stand-up comedy.
Guy Winch | Speaker | TED.com