Guy Winch: How to fix a broken heart
گای وینچ: چطور یک قلب شکسته را ترمیم کنیم
Guy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
will have our heart broken.
when she was in middle school.
در مدرسه راهنمایی بود برنامهریزی کرد.
she didn't find a husband.
نتوانست همسری پیدا کند.
of harsh chemotherapy
to jump back into the dating world,
تمام آن کارها را تکرارکند.
her search for a husband
ابروهایش دوباره رشد کرد
on first dates in New York City,
a wide range of emotions.
she met Rich and fell in love.
she hoped it would be.
که آرزویش را میکرد.
at their favorite romantic restaurant.
مورد علاقه آنها میزی رزرو کرد.
contain her excitement.
to Kathy that night.
for Kathy -- and he did --
کتی بود -- و واقعا بود --
and she now faced yet another recovery.
بهبودی دیگری روبهرو است.
thinking about Rich.
and determined woman
emotional resources
of cancer treatments?
to recover from heartbreak?
دست و پا میزنیم؟
of life challenges
when our heart gets broken?
of every age and background
down the wrong path.
what your mind is telling you.
ذهنتان میگوید اعتماد کنید.
of heartbroken people
روی افراد دل شکسته انجام شده دریافتیم
of why the relationship ended
از دلیل پایان یک رابطه،
for our ability to move on.
به زندگی بسیار مهم است.
and honest explanation
such dramatic emotional pain,
عاطفی بزرگی به وجود میآورد،
must be equally dramatic.
به همان اندازه بزرگ باشد.
and measured of us
and conspiracy theories
و توطئه آمیزی که وجود ندارند
something must have happened
with figuring out what that was.
of that weekend in her mind,
that were not there.
into initiating this wild goose chase.
تلاش بیهودهای را آغاز کند.
for so many months?
ماهها به آن فکر کند؟
than we realize.
که ما فکر میکنیم.
down one rabbit hole after another,
تا چندبار در یک چاه بیفتیم
to make us feel worse.
in our brain that get activated
from substances like cocaine or opioids.
مثل کوکایین یا تریاک را ترک میکند.
the heroin of actually being with Rich,
با ریچ را بدست بیاورد،
the methadone of her memories with him.
با ریچ را انتخاب میکرد.
she was trying to solve a mystery,
او سعی در حل رمز و رازی دارد،
so difficult to heal.
بسیار سخت میکند.
you cannot ignore that.
نمیتوانید آن را نادیده بگیرید.
as compelling as the urge is,
باید این را بفهمید،
every text you send,
با هر پیامی که ارسال میکنید،
stalking your ex on social media,
در رسانههای اجتماعی،
is your strongest weapon.
بزرگترین سلاح شماست.
that's going to feel satisfying.
the pain you feel.
که احساس میکنید از بین نمیبرد.
don't wait for one,
or make up one yourself
یا خودت یکی بساز
to resist the addiction.
در برابر این اعتیاد نیاز دارید.
will feed on your hope
when your heart is broken.
به شدت تخریب کننده باشد.
to do the absolute opposite
we have when our heart is broken
and made love under the stars.
و زیر ستارهها عشقبازی میکردیم.
feel more painful.
دردناکتر میکند.
through one greatest hit after another,
ضربههای شدید پیدرپی به ما بزند
passive-aggressive Spotify playlist.
خودمان را گروگان گرفتهایم.
pop into your mind.
آن فکرها به ذهن شما خطور کند.
you have to balance them out
باید ستایشها را
not just their smile,
نه با خندهها،
you got lost coming down the mountain,
هنگام پایین آمدن از کوه گم شدید.
and didn't speak for two days.
و دو روز با هم حرف نزدید.
is to compile an exhaustive list
the person was wrong for you,
به درد شما نمیخورد جمعآوری کنید،
از خیال پردازی پیدا میکنم
of nostalgia in a session,
از خاطرات به مشامم برسد،
که آن ویژگیها بیعیب بودند.
they were perfect.
and neither was the relationship.
you have to remind yourself of that,
باید بارها آن را برای خود
دل شکستگی مصون نیستیم.
senior executive in a software company.
و مدیر ارشد یک شرکت نرمافزاری بود،
to start dating again.
یک رابطه را شروع کند.
to their adult children after one month,
به فرزندانشان معرفی کردند،
در یک خانه زندگی کردند.
they don't mess around.
شروع کردند درنگ نکردند.
meets "The Fast and the Furious."
و فیلم «سریع و خشن» با هم ترکیب شدهاند.
than he had been in years.
their first anniversary,
to be closer to her children,
نقل مکان کند تا به فرزندانش نزدیکتر باشد.
a long-distance relationship.
and utterly devastated.
for many, many months,
is that feeling alone and in pain
این است که حس تنهایی و درد
our intellectual functioning,
involving logic and reasoning.
که پیچیدهاند و نیاز به استدلال دارند.
of Miguel's grief
he asked me in our session.
getting over a one-year relationship?"
تا یک رابطه یک ساله را فراموش کنند؟»
of traditional loss and grief:
ایمنی را منتشر میکند.
clinically measurable depression.
بالینی را تجربه میکنند.
psychological injury.
with other couples.
به سفرهای کمپینگ میرفتند.
to church every Sunday,
به کلیسا همراهی میکرد،
into the congregation.
of Sharon's church.
کلیسای شرون را هم از دست داد.
had left this huge void in his life,
چه خلاء بزرگی در زندگیاش بجا گذاشته است.
why heartbreak could be so devastating,
ویرانگر بودن دل شکستگی را شرح دهد،
چطور با آن کنار بیاییم.
in your life and fill them,
و آنها را پر کنید،
and what your life is about.
even the empty spaces on the wall
حتی جاهای خالی عکسهایی
that can set you back,
به عقب باز میگردانند تکرار نکنید،
on how they were wrong for you,
بجای تمرکز بر حضور اشتباه او در زندگیتان،
that still give them a starring role
by your mind and you take steps to heal,
و قدمهایی برای درمان بردارید،
your suffering.
از دردتان بکاهید.
who benefit from that.
که از این کار سود میبرید.
of compromised productivity
از سود از بین رفته
to be important for their recovery.
بهبودی آنها بسیار مهم است.
to move on than you think it should.
فکر میکنید طول میکشد.
within your own mind,
این یک مبارزه درون ذهنتان است،
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Guy Winch - Psychologist, authorGuy Winch asks us to take our emotional health as seriously as we take our physical health -- and explores how to heal from common heartaches.
Why you should listen
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who works with individuals, couples and families. As an advocate for psychological health, he has spent the last two decades adapting the findings of scientific studies into tools his patients, readers and audience members can use to enhance and maintain their mental health. As an identical twin with a keen eye for any signs of favoritism, he believes we need to practice emotional hygiene with the same diligence with which we practice personal and dental hygiene.
His recent book, Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts, has been translated in 24 languages. He writes the popular "Squeaky Wheel Blog" on PsychologyToday.com, and he is the author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem. His new book, How to Fix a Broken Heart, was published by TED Books/Simon & Schuster in 2017. He has also dabbled in stand-up comedy.
Guy Winch | Speaker | TED.com